Say No, Stay Friends

This lectures describes three types of obstacles that may make it difficult for you to say "no" when you need to. You will benefit yourself if you learn to avoid these obstacles or can make them smaller.

This lecture introduces a type of internal conversation that can be very destructive to us because it can keep us from saying "no" when we need to.  These are called bogus beliefs because they are untrue.  They come to us pretending to be sensible, but they can hurt us.  Saying "no" begins by not saying "yes" for the wrong reason.

Print these (in color, if possible), cut the apart, and put them where you will see them throughout the day.  DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, because these will help you remember that it is right, proper, and compassionate to others and to yourself to say "no" when you need to say "no/"

This introduces the principles that make it possible to say "no" in such a way that it (1) protects you and at the same time (2) is respectful of the other person.

This lecture, further discussion of the principles of how to say "no," shows that we must first know what we believe. Only after that, can we correctly decide what to do in such a way that we are consistent within ourselves and avoid unneeded complications. 

We talk with words, but we also communicate with hands, facial expression, the use of space, and many other ways, all of which we call nonverbal behavior.  It is as important as the words.

This illustrates six styles of saying "no."  The styles get more and more directive as they go along for a good reason.  A style that is directive may bring a "push-back" (resistance) from the person to whom you are saying "no."  This can damage the relationship.  Why take that chance?  Start with the more gentle style before you use a more directive style.
  

The video is a summary that can mark the beginning of new freedom in your life.  Remember the tennis court at the top of the skyscraper and the lesson from the shark cage: fences keep good things in and bad things out. Choose your boundaries wisely.  

Watch Lecture 13.  With Udemy's great mashup feature, you do not need to download anything.

Keep the mini-posters (from Lecture 7) where they will remind you as you learn new habits.  Use resources in Lectures 14 and 15 to extend what you learn here.  Take the quiz and print a certificate as you celebrate the growing self-confidence that comes from saying "no" when you need to.

Udemy makes its courses available forever.  (Isn't that wonderful!)  Come back and refresh your memory whenever you want to!  Do your friends a favor by sending them to Udemy to improve their lives.  

Thanks for letting me be with you, and best wishes,

Rich Walters, PhD

As you listen to this audio file, follow the script as you listen.  Notice the change in the vocal characteristics of the person who is saying “no” as the level of directiveness increases.  Do not try to sound like one of these people—you should always be your natural self, except that when you say "no" it is essential for you to sound definite.  

This is optional, but recommended.  Truth always works, regardless of its location in time, place, or culture.  Think about it.  You will benefit as you grow in wisdom, for wisdom is the ultimate power.

Some suggestions of worthwhile sources of this topic and closely related issues.