Resilience in Challenging Times.

Internal stress and it is one of the most important kinds of stress to understand and manage. Internal stress is when people make themselves stressed.

This often happens when we worry about things we can’t control or put ourselves in situations we know will cause stress. Some people become addicted to the kind of hurried, tense, lifestyle that results from being under stress. They even look for stressful situations and feel stress about things that aren’t stressful.

Recognizing thinking errors and putting remedial actions into practice can reduce or eliminate internal stress.

We cover six thinking errors. In this lecture, students will learn what are those errors and what methods to use for eliminating them.   

By the end of the lecture, students are offered to sign their personal Stress Management Contracts to enhance their own actions and improve resilience.

Six Thinking Errors

1. All or nothing – Thinking is black or white rather than in shades of grey.

Example: “I have got to get it 100% perfect. I always make this mistake. I’ll never get the hang of it.”

(They gave up easily. Experiment with “good enough”)

2. Labeling – This is when we attach negative labels to ourselves.

Example: “I am useless. I am a failure. I am not the sort of person who can cope with all of this. And I am so unlucky”.

(Look at all things you’ve achieved in your life. “I am good enough”. )

3. I should/ I must/ I can’t – This is when we set unrealistic standards for ourselves.

Example: “I should be able to cope with all this work. I must do better this time. And I can’t handle this. “

(You can lose the sight of a bigger picture.

Or they must – I prefer them ... but where is the law? You’ll get the freedom – refuse to be upset by people you don’t know)

4. Magnification – This involves blowing things up out of all proportions.

Example: “I failed my promotion interview – my career is in ruins. I have missed the train – this is terrible. We didn’t win a contract – it is the end of the world”.

(Put it on the scale – in 12 months how will it matter?)

5. Predicting – Here we predict negative future outcomes.

Example: “I am going to really embarrass myself in this meeting. If I make a mistake everyone will laugh at me. I bet everyone is thinking that I am an idiot.”

(“Pink elephant” Using your imagination against yourself)

6. Discounting – Here we minimize the positive factors in favor of negative aspects.

Example: “He is only saying my work is good because he feels sorry for me. I was really lucky to make that sale. I can’t believe I passed the exam – the questions must have been easy”.

(Allowing meaningful compliment. I’ll give you a gift – don’t discount it. Your brain will feel better than before)

Confidence is ‘a feeling of self-assurance arising from an appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities,’ as defined by the Oxford English Dictionary.

Self-confidence is ‘a feeling of trust in one's abilities, qualities, and judgement’.

As it clearly states in both definitions, it is a feeling. There are other definitions about confidence using the terms ‘beliefs and ‘convictions’ about ‘abilities’ and ‘outcomes’. If confidence is a feeling, belief or conviction, then it can be enhanced, improved, or built-up.

Inner Self-Talk

Dreams, success, victories, and happiness begin in your mind and what you tell to yourself affect the way you progress, whether you believe in your future success or you are sabotaging yourself. Your inner self-talk is the major influence on your confidence levels and how you feel, act and behave.

Your self-esteem is determined greatly by how you perceive and talk to yourself. One’s subconscious mind does not have a sense of humour, so whatever you say to yourself is taken seriously. It is extremely important because your-self talk is responsible for most of your emotions, both good and bad.

Inner self talk is something we should all be aware of and certainly something we should learn to master and take control of, because it is such a powerful force that can either lead you to a better more fulfilling life or it can lead you to a path of self-sabotaging, stagnation, inner conflict, and into a negative downward spiral.

The more you like and approve of yourself, the more likely you will be ready to interact with others, to have greater relationships, to perform better, to lead a happier life.

If your self-talk is self-defeating and self-destructive, you project that feeling to the outside world and subtly show others how you feel – be it anxious, apprehensive or secure, trusting and upbeat. Your self-talk will do one of two things: it will either lift you up to make you more successful and happier or it will drag you down and limit you.

If you would like to build your confidence, then it is quite an urgent requirement to improve your inner self-talk. That is where the starting point could be. Understanding that mental programming and conditioning will reflect itself in your actions and behaviours, you could use affirmations for the daily inner self-talk.

Affirmations

Affirmations - one of the most successful self-developing techniques to re-programme thinking and empower yourself. By repeating a positive affirmation you create a new thought process, recharge yourself with positive energy, which can affect your behaviour and achievements.

For affirmations to have the vital impact they have to be formulated in a special way:

• Positive - stating the way you want to feel, associate your affirmations with those feelings – maximum 3 pieces of information:

  e.g. beautiful, independent, strong etc.

• Personal - using your own vocabulary and starting with the words “I” or “my”: e.g. I am a confident, positive person and make my own decisions.

• Present Tense - an affirmation is always stated in the present tense. You state that you already have these qualities. Create an image of what and who you want to be:

  e.g. I accept myself, learn from my successes and make differences for others.

For affirmations to be effective it is important to pronounce them in a convincing manner, believing what you are saying and repeat them as many times as possible (at least 10 times in the morning, if you are driving alone, maybe another 10 times in the evening).

Using those affirmations you send a positive mental flow into your subconscious mind, feeding it with more constructive energy, eliminating the negative self-talk completely. You are recharging yourself with positive mental attitude.

Please complete assignment – Your Affirmations.

Positive Mental Attitude

A positive mental attitude is a pre-requisite for positive action and successful achievement of goals.

A lot of research has been done in the field of positive psychology and evidence shows that positive emotions help us thrive; they play a surprisingly powerful role in personal and professional effectiveness.

In the physical realm, positive emotions have been shown to increase immune function, improve resilience to adversity, reduce inflammatory responses to stress, increase resilience to rhinoviruses, lower cortisol, and impact brain symmetry, and a number of studies show they predict longevity.

Positive emotions are central to psychological flourishing and have been found to have a significant impact on increasing intuition and creativity, and widening scope of attention.

Dr. Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, stated that lives of ordinary people could be greatly improved through focusing on the positive. We have to learn to ways how to use your existing strengths to identify your vision of what you want and turn it into reality. To follow this new train of thought, one follows different signposts and landmarks. In essence, we want to shift attention from what causes and drives pain to what energises and pulls people forward. This will empower us to follow our dreams and achieve goals.

The foundation of a positive attitude begins with creating a clear way to identify the one’s personal strengths and to reliably measure them.

Since it is clear that positive emotions play a crucial role in life and they are interconnected with the kind of competence needed a majority of the time, start with small steps – find something positive or exciting or curious every day. Be it – new flower, different coffee aroma, the song you used to love. When you are opened with curiosity, positivity and wonder, you’ll notice the difference.

Those small actions will be the basis of Positive Mental Attitude.

As we know, we have one thought at a time – either positive or negative. You control it. By focussing on the present as much as possible, you can minimize the worries and fears that lead to negative emotions. Choosing a positive thought you will change your attitude to become a Positive Mental Attitude. By practising it as often as possible, you will create a habit to be in the positive state of mind.

Acknowledging your previous successes and achievements are stepping stones for implementing strategies and actions to achieve new goals.

“My life has been filled with terrible misfortunes, most of which have never happened.” – Mark Twain.

Reframing

One of the techniques that can be used for identifying and then disputing irrational negative thoughts is reframing. It is a way of viewing events, ideas and emotions to find more positive alternatives. It is about altering perception: a new perspective can allow us to find solutions that were previously unavailable.

Principles of Reframing:

1. Events and situations do not have meaning; you are the one who assigns meaning to it, based on how you interpret the situation.

2. Every thought has a hidden ‘frame’ behind it. This frame is your underlying beliefs and assumptions that are implied by that thought.

3. There is a positive intention behind every negative thought. The idea behind this principle is that your inner voice expresses negativity with the purpose to help you in some way. That does not mean the thought acceptable or right, and rather means that your inner voice is not an enemy and can be adjusted.

Replacing Negative Thoughts with Positive Ones

Be aware of your inner voice and notice negative thoughts.

What are the words, expressions, statements you use?

· Use positive vocabulary or milder words.

· Perspective: “What is the best way for me to accomplish this?”

· Lesson: “What can I learn from this?”

· Challenge your assumption. Find the reason your assumption might not be true and start doubting it.

Some useful questions for helping to reframe an experience or event:

• According to whom? (Question generalizations)

• What might be useful about this experience?

• Does the problem really lie in the task or the way you feel about the task?

• What rules are you using that can be challenged?

• What would you try now if you knew you could not fail?

• What can you learn from this experience?

• What did you do well?

• How else would you describe your behavior in this situation?

• If you were an observer watching the event/discussion, what would you notice?

• If you were a coach what question would you ask right now?

Generalized Resistance Resources (GRRs), which are all of the resources that help a person cope and are effective in avoiding or combating a range of psychosocial stressors.

Emotional resilience skills and our immediate social supports and resources are important protective factors. And while resilience may not put funds into your bank account when you are lacking money, it may help you cope with the stress, and encourage you to reach out to someone that may be able to help in times of need.

From individual factors to a wider scope of Generalised Resistance Resources.

This is a practical session - we work together to collect all resources to be able to use them in any given situation.

It is vital for a student to realize that those resources exist in their life, the formulation of them enables individuals to make sense of and manage events. In response to positive experiences provided by the successful use of different resources, a person would develop an attitude that is in “itself the essential tool for coping”.

Going through the whole list of Generalised Resistance Resources, we start by identifying them from economical resources - specific to the country they live in, covering their level of life, the welfare system, professional services – NHS, Legal system, etc. (comparing to the less developed countries helps to appreciate the benefits).

Personal Resources are resources belonging to an individual; they include ascribed and achieved characteristics as gender, race, age, religion, education, occupation, and income as well as familial resources. These resources are in the possession of the individual and at the disposal of the individual.

Personal - material belongings – money, house, car, etc.

Personal - character qualities – determination, sense of humor, organizational skills, etc.

Personal attributes and capabilities regarded as able to help or sustain one in adverse circumstances.

Social resources, on the other hand, are resources embedded in one's social network and social ties. It is important to go here through the extensive list of networks: business, sports clubs, or other; work colleagues, siblings, friends, etc.

The extensive list of the person’s generalized resistance resources looks like an impressive armor in times of adversity and helps an individual to pull out the sources, which might be overlooked otherwise.

Locus of your Control is a practical approach for coping in stressful situations. Being able to identify that certain things are in realms of your full control gives the clarity, meaning, and confidence that you able to cope with presented difficulties. Putting all stages of the model in place clarifies understanding and encourages actions.

Locus of control is the degree to which people believe that they, as opposed to external forces (beyond their influence), have control over the outcome of events in their lives. The concept was originally developed by Julian B. Rotter and widely used to develop coping strategies.

Apart from primary stress, which we covered, there is secondary stress. The notion is very important.

Who can cause secondary stress:

• Energy vampires - people, who always complain and offload their problems on you, never resolve them;

• Toxic People - people, who always negative and see negative in others;

• Confidence drainers - people, who always criticize you and pointing every little mistake.

There are a few ways how to protect oneself from secondary stress.

A few guidelines to implement vital self-care:

• Spend time with people who make you happy

• Sense of humor

• Do what you most enjoy doing – a hobby, sport, art, cooking, etc.

• At work – use your breaks – fresh air, see the sky, enjoy rain or sun.

• Install those few micro habits to enjoy a pleasant moment daily

• Do the obvious – nutrition, exercise. As you know!

• Notice the world around.