Relationship Coaching: Love smarter, not harder

Welcome to this unit! In this section, we'll discover some of the biggest misconceptions about love. Clarifying these early can lead the way to guide us on our journey of understanding relationship building together. Throughout this unit, we'll discuss feelings, commitment, intimacy, connection, lenses, and some exciting health benefits. I hope you're as excited to get into it as I am!

We often get confused with our feelings. We think that we have to always use them to guide our decisions, but they often glitch! In this lesson, we'll learn how feelings glitch sometimes, why this is so important in our relationships, and what we can do about it.

Now that we understand that feelings glitch sometimes, we have to remember that love is a commitment in spite of them glitching. It is the ability to move beyond our simple temporary feelings and to recognize them for what they are, just temporary sensations, that can help to establish the strength and significance of our relationship.

There is so much confusion regarding intimacy in society. It is one of the most misunderstood concepts among relationships in my opinion. As strange as it may seem to many of us, intimacy has nearly nothing to do with anything physical. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Intimacy is the ability to share your worldview with another, and for them to feel safe sharing their worldview with you. This establishes a sense of psychological safety where you can feel comfortable and secure being yourself with your partner. This foundation will create a launching platform for you to succeed in other aspects of your life. Just as children feel safe to play, be creative, laugh, and focus on school tasks when they feel safe at home, adults are best suited to be creative at work, laugh, and focus when they feel safe around their partner. The stronger we build up this foundation at home, the more weight it can hold out in the world.

In this section, we build up the idea of an emotional bank account. Contrary to popular opinion, I support the notion that trust and connection are built primarily in small moments. This is the same as many people go about building their savings - through small monthly or weekly contributions. Many repeated small moments of connections when times are good, also described by some as "leaning into the relationship", will compound into a strong connection that will carry the relationship through hard times. This also leads to habit formation of engaging with our partners in positive ways, which we will be more likely to resort to under stress.

(Part 1 of 2) We think we see the world objectively. But we may be surprised to discover that we often see it through much bias. To visualize this, imagine seeing the world through a lens. It doesn't matter how much blue light is showing, if we look through a red lens, we'll never be able to see it as blue. Learning to recognize the lenses we bring to our relationship will help us to better understand the preconceived notions we share, and how they influence the dynamic with our partners. This will become especially relevant in mediating conflict, which we'll get into in Section 6: Conflict Resolution.

(Part 2 of 2) We think we see the world objectively. But we may be surprised to discover that we often see it through much bias. To visualize this, imagine seeing the world through a lens. It doesn't matter how much blue light is showing, if we look through a red lens, we'll never be able to see it as blue. Learning to recognize the lenses we bring to our relationship will help us to better understand the preconceived notions we share, and how they influence the dynamic with our partners. This will become especially relevant in mediating conflict, which we'll get into in Section 6: Conflict Resolution.

Relationships are not just fun and games, building a healthy and strong one has many health benefits too. Discovering their health benefits may help encourage us to work harder on strengthening them. In this video, we explore a study from Robert Waldinger. He was the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the most comprehensive longitudinal studies in history.

In this video, we wrap up everything we've learned so far in the unit and plant the seeds that will guide us through the next one.

In this video, we'll learn about our upcoming short quiz and how we can succeed in the quizzes throughout this course. I hope they will help you better remember and understand the content in this unit. Happy learning!

Welcome to this unit! In this section, we'll explore all about the stages of a relationship. By understanding that most relationships go through a series of stages, we can be better prepared to deal with them. It's okay if it is challenging sometimes. By working through this stage, we can come to better understand ourselves and our partners.

The first stage of a relationship is lust or romance. This stage is primarily driven by our hormones which create a false temporary sense of closeness. This stage is largely portrayed in media as what a relationship is meant to look like, but is only temporary. As we move beyond this stage, we may think that we're doing something wrong! But that isn't the case, actually, we're doing the right things, because it is helping us progress through the stages to the last one. The last one is where we want to be, and often what we see among happily married couples who have been together for decades.

After lust or romance, we get to struggle. This stage is a very interesting one where we learn a lot about who are partner really is, outside of the mask of all the hormones we experienced in the last stage. Through learning about how they share and receive love, what their dreams and values are, and what they're really like, we can come to know and love them more. In a healthier, more stable, and stronger way that makes us both feel happier and more secure.

After lust or romance, we get to struggle. This stage is a very interesting one where we learn a lot about who are partner really is, outside of the mask of all the hormones we experienced in the last stage. Through learning about how they share and receive love, what their dreams and values are, and what they're really like, we can come to know and love them more. In a healthier, more stable, and stronger way that makes us both feel happier and more secure.

Once we learn who our partners really are and how to work together by asking questions, being curious, and trial and error, we get to working. It is at this stage where we feel very comfortable around each other and are starting to really make our lives much better than if we were apart, in a healthy and natural way irrespective of the hormones we were once experiencing. We may stay in this stage for years or even decades, and it is very nice to be in. However, we're all changing, so there is another stage to follow.

Once we learn who our partners really are and how to work together by asking questions, being curious, and trial and error, we get to working. It is at this stage where we feel very comfortable around each other and are starting to really make our lives much better than if we were apart, in a healthy and natural way irrespective of the hormones we were once experiencing. We may stay in this stage for years or even decades, and it is very nice to be in. However, we're all changing, so there is another stage to follow.

We need to recognize that we're all changing. What worked yesterday may not work today. That is okay - it makes life exciting! Through understanding this, we can work to adapt to our partners' needs as they change along with ours. This can help our relationship continue for decades on end, adapting at the rate that we are, to serve our needs in the most fulfilling way.

In this lesson, we'll summarize everything we learned together and plant the seeds to take us to the next unit. In the next unit, we'll get into stages of a relationship a bit deeper and from a new perspective. We'll share with you some tips to help you get through struggle in the most effective way, so that you can get to working in a more enjoyable way.

In this exciting unit, we'll explore the ways that we share and receive love. We'll revisit the ideas discussed in the last unit, and expand on them with a helpful analogy. The lessons learned here should help you get to working faster, and make you more effective with your partner. In this section, we'll truly learn to love smarter, not necessarily harder! We don't have to work much harder to make our relationships more enjoyable, just do what works best for our partners.

Think of your relationship like a car. When you start off, you have a full tank of gas. Yet as you drive, the gas is slowly being used. We need to learn how to get the gas in the tank effectively, which can be a bit of a struggle at first. Many will use the wrong kind of gas, or see it spill all over the floor! This is where we can get very curious with our partners to help learn what we can do to make them the happiest.

Think of your relationship like a car. When you start off, you have a full tank of gas. Yet as you drive, the gas is slowly being used. We need to learn how to get the gas in the tank effectively, which can be a bit of a struggle at first. Many will use the wrong kind of gas, or see it spill all over the floor! This is where we can get very curious with our partners to help learn what we can do to make them the happiest.

Our love languages are the ways that we get the gas in the tank. They share the type of gas that we use and the right nozzle we need to get it working with the engine. Over the next few lessons, we'll explore what these are in more detail, and help us uncover our own. The better we know ourselves, the easier we can make it for our partners to know and love us.

Physical touch is any form of physical interaction between two people. This includes holding hands, hugging, kissing, putting your head on their shoulder, and more. For partners who feel love through physical touch, holding their hand may mean the world to them. If they don't enjoy it, try the other love languages! 

Words of affirmation are any words that show some sort of compliment to the other. They are words that share that someone is doing the right thing. This is especially important to note between cultures, for different homes may raise people with very different expectations of them. This is why it's so important to ask questions so that we can communicate what we really need and uncover what our partners really mean. We often don't know until we ask. Don't let your fear of being perfect stop you from asking.

Acts of service are acts that help our partner with things that they need to get done, such as chores, which make their lives easier. For example, common ones include unloading the dishwasher, cleaning the dishes, and picking up the dry cleaning on the way home. If this is your partner's main way of receiving love, then spending a few days doing this for them may mean the world to them. It isn't necessarily hard to make our partners appreciate the things we do and be satisfied in most circumstances, we just need to discover what it is that they need from us and focus there.

Quality time is comprised of moments when we can communicate with our partners without interruption or distraction. This includes things like having meaningful conversations together without the phone buzzing or TV playing in the background, where we are fully present with each other and can really talk. This may occur over dinner, tea, on a walk, for example. It may also extend to quality experiences, where one can feel fully present with another, such as on a bicycle ride or travel experience. These times are often missing from society today, for it is so easy for our emails or cellphones to cut away any free time we have together. Phones may also be preventing us from engaging with our partners and building up our emotional bank accounts. Working to see if this is important to your partner is essential to nurturing an effective relationship in case it is vital for them. Often times, it is not shared enough.

Gifts consist of any form of gifts shared between partners. This does not necessarily have to be something expensive, it can be something as small and inexpensive as a handmade card made from dollar store materials that is placed in our partner's lunch bag. It may also consist of gifting our time, such as setting aside time to do something with our partner that they may enjoy. It can also be worked into other forms of receiving love, such as gifting tokens that your partner can trade-in for you to give them a massage, or a massage experience together (if they like physical touch, for example).

In this unit, we'll delve deep into discovering what our love language is. Listen to these questions carefully and really spend the time to think about them to help you discover yours. You can also share them with your partner to try to guess theirs, or invite them to think about the ways that they share love with you. You can also see the attached file as a printable resource with questions to ask yourself for future reference or sharing.

In this lecture series, we'll go over how to apply the ways we share and receive love we've learned to our relationships. We'll discuss how to have a conversation about love languages with our partner, and common sensitivities to consider. We'll add some tools to increase the likelihood of the conversation being a success. Finally, we'll go over some examples to help us solidify the concepts we've discussed here further.

In this lecture series, we'll go over how to apply the ways we share and receive love we've learned to our relationships. We'll discuss how to have a conversation about love languages with our partner, and common sensitivities to consider. We'll add some tools to increase the likelihood of the conversation being a success. Finally, we'll go over some examples to help us solidify the concepts we've discussed here further.

In this lecture, we'll wrap up everything we've learned together and summarize it nicely. We'll then plant the seeds that will carry us through onto the next section. I hope that you found this section meaningful and that it will help you succeed in your relationship. Check out the quiz and assignments below to help you better grasp the content and apply it to your life before moving on to the next unit.

Welcome to this new section all about limits! In this unit, we'll take a deep dive to explore what limits are, why they are so essential in all aspects of our life, and how we can apply them to everything from the way we speak to ourselves, to the way we navigate work relationships among colleagues, and the relationship we share with our partners. Finally, we'll discuss how to apply them in parenting, and why they are so important to childhood development. Plus many analogies too!

What are limits? In this lecture, we'll break down what limits are and how we already know to use them throughout other aspects of our life. Next, we'll come to discover what makes them effective. Finally, we'll learn about why it is so important for us to guard them, and how to do this respectfully.

What are limits? In this lecture, we'll break down what limits are and how we already know to use them throughout other aspects of our life. Next, we'll come to discover what makes them effective. Finally, we'll learn about why it is so important for us to guard them, and how to do this respectfully.

In this lecture, we'll come to better understand limits through some more examples of them. We'll go into more detail about the ways we interact with them throughout our everyday lives in a fun and relatable way.

In this lecture, we'll delve deeper into limits and how we can apply them to our relationships. We'll go through some examples of what using limits looks like in our relationship and the kinds of dynamics that may occur if we don't use them effectively.

In this lecture, we'll delve deeper into limits and how we can apply them to our relationships. We'll go through some examples of what using limits looks like in our relationship and the kinds of dynamics that may occur if we don't use them effectively.

In this lecture, we'll learn about why limits are so important to use in parenting and our development. We may think that we can easily get away with not using them, but they will make parenting and relationship dynamics so much easier when applied correctly.

In this lecture, we'll go over some important questions to ask ourselves to help us discover our limits. This will prepare us for the next lecture where we learn tools to help us succeed in having the limits conversation with our partners.

In this lecture, we'll delve into the limits conversation and learn how to have it with our partners. We'll discover some tools to help us succeed and sensitivities to watch out for. We'll go over some examples of ways that the conversation can move and discover solutions to navigate them. This will help us apply everything we've learned in this section so far to our relationships.

In this lecture, we'll delve into the limits conversation and learn how to have it with our partners. We'll discover some tools to help us succeed and sensitivities to watch out for. We'll go over some examples of ways that the conversation can move and discover solutions to navigate them. This will help us apply everything we've learned in this section so far to our relationships.

In this lecture, we'll wrap up everything we've learned together and summarize it nicely. We'll then plant the seeds that will carry us through onto the next section. I hope that you found this section meaningful and that it will help you succeed in your relationship. Check out the quiz and assignments below to help you better grasp the content and apply it to your life before moving on to the next unit.

In this special bonus lecture, we'll learn how we can apply everything we've learned so far in this unit to help us change our self-talk.  We may often find ourselves speaking to ourselves with a very negative tone. Using what we've learned so far about limits, and some tools from the science of habit formation, we can create a structure to help us improve our self-talk. As our thoughts become our actions and then our life, this can have profound effects over the ways that we navigate our lives.

Welcome to this brand new unit all about conflict resolution! In this exciting series of lectures, we'll deepen our understanding of what anger is and how it is regulated by our bodies. We'll learn some neuroscience and the way the body responds to heightened stress. Finally, we'll explore analogies that connect this all to help us prevent the significant majority of fights before they can start, and some other tips to help us deal with conflict when it inevitably arises. Conflict is hard, but it doesn't have to be. This unit will tie together everything that we've learned in this course so far, so make sure you have a strong understanding of the content through completing the previous quizzes and assignments before continuing.

In the last unit, we introduced the idea of thinking about our relationship as if it is a car, with the focus being on getting the gas in the tank. In this unit, we'll introduce a new analogy with a car: the consciousness car. The focus here is the driver and the passenger, which represent our thinking and feeling brain. Who do you think is the driver, and what do you think the car does in times of conflict?

When someone is drowning, first get them out of the water before asking them why they were swimming alone. First, rescue. First, rescue. First, rescue. Drill this into your head with repeated repetition. We must first get the driver to take the car back on the road before connecting with the passenger. In this lesson, we'll learn how to calm people down more effectively when anger arises, and discover more what it really represents. Hint: "I'm angry" usually equals "I'm scared."

In this lecture, we'll learn in more detail how to prevent fights in the first place by examining the underlying reasons why they occur. We'll learn how to be proactive to set tools in place that will help diffuse tension before it escalates to a fight through conversations we can establish. Finally, we'll take a deep dive into soft spots, and see how we can recognize and navigate them within our relationships.

In this lecture, we'll learn in more detail how to prevent fights in the first place by examining the underlying reasons why they occur. We'll learn how to be proactive to set tools in place that will help diffuse tension before it escalates to a fight through conversations we can establish. Finally, we'll take a deep dive into soft spots, and see how we can recognize and navigate them within our relationships.

In this lecture, we'll dive into what to do when conflict actually arises. While we can prevent most of them through check-ins, establishing limits, and creating connection, there are times when it will inevitably arise. The tools presented here should help you navigate most conflict more effectively. Think of these tools as contributing to a toolbox you can carry around with you and apply to tension you see not just in your relationship, but among peers or coworkers too.

In this lecture, we'll dive into what to do when conflict actually arises. While we can prevent most of them through check-ins, establishing limits, and creating connection, there are times when it will inevitably arise. The tools presented here should help you navigate most conflict more effectively. Think of these tools as contributing to a toolbox you can carry around with you and apply to tension you see not just in your relationship, but among peers or coworkers too.

In this lecture, we'll wrap up everything we've learned together and summarize it nicely. We'll then plant the seeds that will carry us through onto the next section. I hope that you found this section meaningful and that it will help you succeed in your relationship. Check out the quiz and assignments below to help you better grasp the content and apply it to your life before moving on to the next unit.

Welcome to this new and exciting unit! In this section, we’ll explore all things teamwork. What do we do when our partner comes to us for help? How much are we supposed to help them? What if there is a conflict between them and our parents? (Hint: we don’t have to solve all their problems!). Finally, what can we do to be proactive to strengthen our teamwork muscle before it is needed the most? I’m looking forward to joining you on this learning journey together.

In this lecture, we'll explore the concept of teamwork in relationships. Is it really supposed to be us against the world? We'll learn what our partners often need from us when something is bothering them, and how to use this to strengthen our friendship. Hint: we don't need to solve all their problems! Often, it's just a listening ear that they are looking for.

In this lecture, we'll discover what to do when there is a conflict between our partners and our parents, or other family members. We'll learn the things that often get us there and how to prevent them, and what to do when they arise. We'll learn who's side to take most of the time and how to feel good about doing that.

In this lecture, we'll discover what to do when there is a conflict between our partners and our parents, or other family members. We'll learn the things that often get us there and how to prevent them, and what to do when they arise. We'll learn who's side to take most of the time and how to feel good about doing that.

In this lecture, we'll learn about how to be proactive about preparing ourselves for tasks that involve a lot of teamwork to be successful (such as having a child!). I believe that teamwork is a skill that can be learned and mastered with our partners. Instead of waiting for the exam to start practicing, we can do some practice tasks first that can get us comfortable with it before the exam arises. We don't need to wait for emergencies to start learning how to work together. This lecture will show many fun avenues to practice this skill while creating connection with your partner.

In this lecture, we'll wrap up everything we've learned together and summarize it nicely. We'll then plant the seeds that will carry us through onto the next section. I hope that you found this section meaningful and that it will help you succeed in your relationship. Check out the quiz and assignments below to help you better grasp the content and apply it to your life before moving on to the next unit.

Congratulations on joining me through to the last unit of this course! I am so proud of your learning journey. I hope that you found the content of this course meaningful and insightful. In this last section, we'll summarize everything we've learned together and close the course with some final remarks.

Congratulations on joining me through to the last unit of this course! I am so proud of your learning journey. I hope that you found the content of this course meaningful and insightful. In this last section, we'll summarize everything we've learned together and close the course with some final remarks.

I hope that you found this course meaningful and insightful. In this last video, we'll share some final thoughts before closing. Thank you for making the time to build healthier relationships and stronger families. Please provide your feedback using the reflection assignment below, and test your knowledge in the practice test.