Even though listening and talking come naturally to us and we don't often think about the outcome and what we want to say/ask, in some conversation, it's helpful to understand the purpose and what your role in that conversation is.

We also have to stop internal and external distractions to be able to really hear what the other person is saying

Throughout the day we hear so many things that our brain will only pick on those words and sounds that are important to avoid getting overwhelmed. If we're not paying attention to what someone is saying, our brains will pick up on what is important to us and we will miss crucial points, feelings and even concerns the other person has.

Saying that, listening is not just about what we hear, but also what we see. From facial micro expressions to whole body language. Subconsciously we can read it but we often don't pay attention. Being fully present in the conversation will help you to not only hear but also see and feel what is happening for the other person.

When we listen carefully we are able to repeat key words back to the person. This will show them that we are fully present.

We can naturally mirror their body language as well and so we need to be careful that we don't mirror negative body language which can escalate an argument.

How aware are you of your body language?

Reflecting is a powerful skill and requires your full attention. Repeating back what someone is saying, emphasizing on what you want to know more about can help you gain better understanding. This is not only important in counselling and coaching but also whenever you're emotionally supporting your loved ones and those who are important to you.

For many, silence in a conversation is uncomfortable. But silence is powerful. It gives the other person a chance to reflect on their own story or re-think the meaning of what they have just said.

Silence is also important before we respond. Sometimes to pause and think about the consequences of what you're about to say/ask can save you an argument.

The thought cycle is often used in therapy and counselling session and it's the single most powerful tool to recognise patterns that affect us and our relationships. From actions to emotions.

The power of questions. Pay attention to the questions you ask because they will determine the answers you get. If you're not happy with the answers, think whether you're asking the right questions. Perhaps the answers are what you want to hear but not followed by actions - is it because you're asking leading questions?

As you go through each questions type, think about your personal circumstances and where can you ask better questions. write them down. Re frame questions you already use and see what happens.

You can even try this when searching someone on the internet (e.g. Google) ask a question and see the answers you get. If you identify you asked a leading questions, try a reframe the questions. See what answers come back .

It's all well and good for you to be a good listener but what if you have something to share and no one is listening?

Maybe you're not talking to the right person - sometimes our expectations of others are unrealistic.

Maybe they don't quite know what you need/want from them.  Are you communicating your needs clearly?

Understanding when conversations turn can change the way you minimise arguments. Not every argument and conflict is negative. There are times we need to voice our opinions more strongly. Sometimes it's good to find different perspectives but handling difficult conversations is an art and takes time to master as well as a lot of willpower and self control.

You might find yourself in a middle of someone else's conflict. The best thing you can do is to act as a mediator. Not taking sides or providing advice/solutions but simply letting each party to identify common goal and how they can get there without too much damage to their relationship and yours.

Are you a people pleaser? Do you struggle to say no to people even if it's affecting your personal life? You're not alone . Most people struggle with this out of fear of rejection or by simply no knowing how to say no.

This module will help you to feel better about saying no and avoid potentially damaging consequences of always saying yes.

Being empathic doesn't mean you have to have all the solutions and answers to someone else's problems. Sometimes just being there for someone, sitting in silence next to them is enough...