Help! My partner/spouse is autistic!

In this lesson, we examine what can realistically change and what can't change in our relationship.

Sometimes our spouses/partners withdraw and seem cold and distant. What may be the cause? Can this be prevented? Is there anything we can do in such situations?

In this lesson we begin exploring some of the autistic characteristics that may affect your relationship. There is a downloadable PDF file with the main points from the lesson.

In this lesson, we look at 3 additional characteristics of autism that may impact our relationships. The visuals are also available for download in PDF format.

The criteria for a formal diagnosis of autism change over time. This lecture contains a link to the current criteria.

In this lecture we explore the different level of awareness of emotions and the different ranges of vocabulary to express emotions. There is also a downloadable image of the Wheel of Emotions in the resources.

Why do meltdowns happen? Can you or your partner avert them? What can you do?

Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive processes that help with managing oneself and one’s resources to achieve a goal. These challenges can affect communication, expectations, and the ability to manage everyday tasks in a way that feels equitable or mutually understood. In this lecture, we will examine how executive function issues may be affecting the relationship and look at some possible workarounds.

This brief video explains Karpman's drama triangle and its three complementary stances, as well as what we can do to step out of it.

Some autistic people can't see the consequences of their behaviours and they can only focus on their positive intentions. This video contains a reflection around this topic and there is also a resource for you to apply this to your own relationship.

It is important for both partners in a relationship to maintain some healthy autonomy. Autistic people tend to have a great need for their autonomy to be respected. Non-autistic partners may want to explore how much autonomy we enjoy and whether that is a healthy level for us. The video is complemented by a resource.

Much conflict in relationships starts with misunderstandings in communication. In this lecture we will look at different communication styles when we are not triggered. There is also an editable resource for you to reflect on this topic.

You can download this lecture as an editable resource with space for your answers/reflections.

In an ideal situation, both partners in the relationship are usually calm, and can calm each other down. In general, this doesn’t seem to be the case for us in mixed neurotype relationships. In this lesson we look at how our nervous system reacts to cues that transmit a sense of safety or threat and will introduce how 2 or more people can regulate one another.

In this lesson we will explore red flags that point to a fight response in ourselves or our partners.

In this lesson we will explore red flags that point to a flight response in ourselves or our partners.

In this lesson we will explore red flags that point to an immobilization or freeze response in ourselves or our partners.

In this lesson we will explore red flags that point to an appeasing or friend response in ourselves or our partners.

In this lesson we will explore red flags that point to a fainting or flop response in ourselves or our partners. As this is the last response to feeling unsafe, you will find an editable resource to relate what we have discussed to your life.

In this lesson we explore two concepts that seem to be taken together, but are actually two distinct elements that require different approaches. The distinction will help us apply the right approach for each element.

In this lesson we look at some strategies for reducing conflict in communication as well as the Reactivity Recovery Plan to use when conflict arises when we are with our partner or spouse. The downloadable resource is the slide with the steps of the Reactivity Recovery Plan to use Together.

By the end of this lecture, you will have come up with your own Reactivity Recovery Plan to use during time-outs.

Sometimes, our discussions turn into arguments, which may include hurtful words or actions. This is why it is very important to know how to apologise properly and repair the damage. In this lesson, you will learn the basics of apologies and find further resources to find out your personal style.

We all seek certainty, however, is it helpful to expect our partners to provide it for us?

It is far easier to manage unpleasant emotions, such as anger, in their initial stages. Here is a framework to help us understand some of the main stages of anger, as well as tools that can help us achieve more awareness and, eventually, peace.

For your convenience, you can download the Powerpoint presentation on which the video is based.

We can't give what we haven't got, and many times, we have so little energy left that we feel we can't give any more. In this lecture, you will discover clues as to where you are in terms of your personal energy.

In this lesson we will look at renewable sources of personal energy, how to keep a healthy balance between using and restoring our energy, ways to manage our energy efficiently, and even the role of food in our personal energy (there is a food/mood diary for you to complete in the resources)

In this lesson, we bring together everything that we have been exploring, as well as highlighting the need for balance between giving and receiving.

This lesson is an exploration of love and its expression in our relationship with our partner/spouse.

In this lesson, we continue exploring the diffferent views autistic and non-autistic people have on love. There is a resource for you to work on before proceeding to the next lesson, which I am sure you will find fun.

In this video we will dive deeper into what attracted you to each other in your relationship. There is a downloadable resource to get you ready for the next lesson.

In this lesson we explore the initial signs of differences in our love story. There is an accompanying resource.

I feel the best way to get unstuck and to understand the cycles in our relationships is to receive the warm validation of supportive others.

This lesson can help us start identifying little changes we can make to make our communication with our partner/spouse less difficult and exhausting.

In this lesson, we will explore how to set the best conditions to have success in our communication with our partner or spouse.

In this lesson we will look at some elements of how to communicate with our partners.

In this lesson you will hear about some actions that may promote opposition and others which may motive autistic people.

It is very frustrating to agree on something and then find your partner / spouse can't even remember the conversation at all. We will now look at what may be behind their inability to remember. It may not be a recall issue, but a storing issue!

In this lesson, you will learn a code concept and some code words you can use in your relationship

In this lesson we use a visual analogy to describe the effect of different brains on our perspectives.

In this video we continue exploring the effects of different brains on our perspectives and a way of bridging between them. Why is this point so crucial to understand and to get across to our spouse/partner? Non autistic people tend to share perspectives most of the time. Autistic people tend to share facts. No wonder they sometimes dismiss what we say, because it is not factual, it is not 'the ultimate Truth', as my husband would say. We are both right! It is just what we expect communication to convey that is different.

Many autistic people can talk at length about complex topics. They can be extremely convincing, too. Does that mean they are equally good at listening?

This lesson presents a tool to deal with unfortunate remarks.

This lesson offers a tool to promote turn-taking in conversation.

This is a tool to stop an autistic person when they get carried away talking.

This lesson introduces tools to convey that the tone of voice and volume may be inappropriate. One tool is to be used in private, while the other is to be used in public.

Our partners may not remember special ocassions and appointments the way we do.

If your partner needs guidance, scripts may be in order. In this lesson, we will see some practical examples.

This lesson gives ideas on how to prioritise things to talk about.

In this lesson, some simple tools to promote joint decision-making are presented.

It is easy for mixed neurotype couples to drift away and each person end up doing their own thing. In this lesson, the idea of schedulling time together is introduced.

It can be very damaging to our relationship if we allow our negative perceptions and thoughts about our partners/spouses to take over. The resource in this lesson is a tool for us to challenge any usual negative thoughts we may have about our partners and/or our relationship.

Does your partner or spouse ever respond "I don't know"? What do you think they mean? How do you feel when that happens? Would you like to learn a new way of understanding their response?

Everyone is different and has different ways to relax. Neurodiverse couples can be challenging so it is imperative for both parties to learn personal ways of de-stressing and express these needs to each other.

In this lesson, we will explore why we notice that sometimes our partners are saying one thing but theirs facial expression, tone of voice and body indicate something different and what to do about that.

Would you like to have more chances of getting your autistic spouse/partner to co-operate?

In this lesson we revisit the neurodiverse couple's paradigm as it is at this stage of the course. This lesson includes a practical resource for you to reflect on your own personal situation as a result of the course.

Many of us ponder about the best for our relationship and our family at different points in time.

This lecture raises some considerations that may help you reflect on your situation in order to make a more informed decision.

It presents a short video with an important message, followed by a PDF file with reflections.

The decision is always in your hands and it doesn't necessarily need to be a permanent decision. Sometimes we can only decide on the next best step, and see whether that leads us willingly back to where we were or marks the beginning of a new future.

Even though the course has finished, our journey together doesn't need to end...

We revisit the course objectives together to check how much we have covered on the course.