Courageous Conversations: Conquer Your Relationship Fears

3Cs and 3 Realities

In this lecture, Chris shares an overview about the keys to the 3Cs: the Clarity to Communicate and Connect. The following lectures will delve into more detail for each of the keys.

Key Number 1

A Relational Mindset which hinges on being Intentionally Grateful.

Key Number 2

The Two Agreements, which help to establish a framework for safety to stay in the conversation. They are:

• To hear you until you feel you are heard and understood
• To give my best instead of of giving in or giving up

Key Number 3

The third key is about the 3 Realities, which are:

1. Mental reality
2. Emotional reality
3. The reality of both parties

3Cs and 3 Realities

In this lecture, Chris shares an overview about the keys to the 3Cs: the Clarity to Communicate and Connect. The following lectures will delve into more detail for each of the keys.

Key Number 1

A Relational Mindset which hinges on being Intentionally Grateful.

Key Number 2

The Two Agreements, which help to establish a framework for safety to stay in the conversation. They are:

• To hear you until you feel you are heard and understood
• To give my best instead of of giving in or giving up

Key Number 3

The third key is about the 3 Realities, which are:

1. Mental reality
2. Emotional reality
3. The reality of both parties

1 Relational Mindset

In this lecture, Chris continues to share more about a Relational Mindset and the link to Intentional Gratitude. He makes the distinction between being combative and being relatable and explains how our brains can be wired through intentional gratitude so that conversations turn from combative to conciliatory.

1 Relational Mindset

In this lecture, Chris continues to share more about a Relational Mindset and the link to Intentional Gratitude. He makes the distinction between being combative and being relatable and explains how our brains can be wired through intentional gratitude so that conversations turn from combative to conciliatory.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 2: Switch on your Relational Mindset

Take a moment to switch on your relational mindset. Think about a person you intend to have a conversation with. What are some things you can be grateful for about this person?

2 Agreements

In this lecture, we will learn about two crucial agreements you must have before you start a conversation:

1. I agree to hear you until you feel you are heard and understood.
2. I agree to give my best instead of of giving in or giving up.

Chris also shares how these two crucial agreements saved a family business and more importantly, the family relationships from devastation. In this story, he shares how the two agreements cancel out the vacuum of silence.

2 Agreements

In this lecture, we will learn about two crucial agreements you must have before you start a conversation:

1. I agree to hear you until you feel you are heard and understood.
2. I agree to give my best instead of of giving in or giving up.

Chris also shares how these two crucial agreements saved a family business and more importantly, the family relationships from devastation. In this story, he shares how the two agreements cancel out the vacuum of silence.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 3: Apply the 2 Agreements to a specific relationship

Take a moment to think about the two agreements in the context of the person you hope to have a conversation with.

• When do I stop listening and start talking - Do I listen until the person speaking feels heard and understood?
• How intentional am I about giving my best in a conversation for the best outcome?

3 Realities

This important lecture focuses on what reality is and how our perceptions of reality can make or break relationships.

There are three realities that we are confronted with:

1. What I mentally believe
2. What I emotionally feel

The first two realities get us in touch with our own thoughts and feelings about a situation. It is important that these two realities are acknowledged by others as valid.

3. What reality truly is

The third reality is about staying open to another person's beliefs and feelings; their reality and having that reality co-exist with yours to form a greater reality.

3 Realities

This important lecture focuses on what reality is and how our perceptions of reality can make or break relationships.

There are three realities that we are confronted with:

1. What I mentally believe

2. What I emotionally feel

The first two realities get us in touch with our own thoughts and feelings about a situation. It is important that these two realities are acknowledged by others as valid.

3. What reality truly is

The third reality is about staying open to another person's beliefs and feelings; their reality and having that reality co-exist with yours to form a greater reality.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 4: Articulate the 3 Realities on a specific situation

Think of a relationship you wish to improve and consider the three realities and check off if you have do the following:

• I am in touch with what I mentally believe about the situation, which is: (What is your mental reality of the specific situation?)
• I am in touch with what I emotionally feel about the situation, which is: (What is your emotional reality of the specific situation?)
• I have taken time to discover what the other person mentally believes and emotionally feels about the situation, which is: (What have you discovered of the other person's mental and emotional realities about the specific situation?)

4 Ways Courage Shows Up

Chris gives an overview of the four ways we need courage to be in relationships, namely, the:

1. Courage to see myself for who I really am
2. Courage to let you see who I am
3. Courage to see you
4. Courage to collaborate

In this module, we focus on the first two ways.

4 Ways Courage Shows Up

Chris gives an overview of the four ways we need courage to be in relationships, namely, the:

1. Courage to see myself for who I really am
2. Courage to let you see who I am
3. Courage to see you
4. Courage to collaborate

In this module, we focus on the first two ways.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 5: Evaluate yourself on the first two levels of courage

Courage is not required unless a task is daunting. In this case, you need a lot of courage because the potential for reward is so great.

• How confident are you to explore within yourself? Why?
• What might hinder you from letting others see who you for who you really are? Why?

Hi again!

By now, you would have covered quite a bit of ground in your learning. In the prior lectures, you would already have learnt about 4 Relational Fibres to be exercised, 4 ways that courage shows up, 3 realities that need to addressed, 2 agreements to be reached and 1 mindset of intentional gratitude.

All that serves as a background for you to start a courageous conversation. There are 10 questions of a courageous conversation and each of them covers different aspect of becoming clear.

The questions are divided into 2 parts; the first part is helps you Diagnose the Problem and the second part helps you get Clear about the Solution.

The first part on Diagnosis consists of 5 questions:

1. What is my most pressing issue/concern?
2. What else? Out of all these issues, which one would I like to focus on?
3. How is that affecting me?
4. What will the future look like if nothing changes?
5. What am I expecting of other people?

The second part consists of the next 5 questions and help to arrive at a Solution:

6. What is my responsibility in the solution?
7. What is my preferable future?
8. What we can agree on?
9. What is the one thing we can't fail to do?
10. What are a few practical steps I can take?

In the next set of videos, Chris will bring you through how and when these 10 questions are used. You will see that there is a way in which the questions flows into each other to support you in gaining clarity.

If you are walking through these questions on your own, don't worry. By watching the video lectures, you will be able to observe how the same questions are used in a variety of different scenarios. They can work in your situation too.

The Courageous Conversation: 10 Questions

In this crucial lecture, Chris handholds us through the 10 Questions of a Courageous Conversation.

These 10 questions will help us get clear inside ourselves on what the issue/s are, how they are affecting us, what the future will look like if nothing changes, my own and others responsibilities in the matter, what the ideal outcome (preferable future) can be and what essential steps need to be taken to move forward.

As you watch the video, keep the list of 10 questions nearby so that you can take some time after each question is explained to pause and reflect on what your responses are to each of them. These questions are broken up into two main sections, The Diagnosis section and The Solution section. Each question does draw out a different aspect of the issue so each question on its own is worth taking the time to think about.

As you walk through the 10 Questions, do keep a specific person and relationship in mind. For example, what is my most pressing issue/concern in this particular relationship, with this particular person. This helps you to be focused. As Chris advised, don't worry if there are other issues that come up after question one is answered. Just cycle back with the new issue as it can sometimes take a while to uncover the most pressing issue.

Do take your time to complete the exercise. In fact, it is a good idea to re-watch this lecture until you are satisfied that you understand the questions and also, with your answers.

Chris mentions that some of us are internal processors, while others are external processors. So if you are more introspective by nature, you are probably happy to do this on your own. If you are more outgoing, you will likely benefit from having a close and objective friend as a sounding board to help you clarify your thoughts. It's just different strokes for different folks.

The Courageous Conversation: 10 Questions

In this crucial lecture, Chris handholds us through the 10 Questions of a Courageous Conversation.

These 10 questions will help us get clear inside ourselves on what the issue/s are, how they are affecting us, what the future will look like if nothing changes, my own and others responsibilities in the matter, what the ideal outcome (preferable future) can be and what essential steps need to be taken to move forward.

As you watch the video, keep the list of 10 questions nearby so that you can take some time after each question is explained to pause and reflect on what your responses are to each of them. These questions are broken up into two main sections, The Diagnosis section and The Solution section. Each question does draw out a different aspect of the issue so each question on its own is worth taking the time to think about.

As you walk through the 10 Questions, do keep a specific person and relationship in mind. For example, what is my most pressing issue/concern in this particular relationship, with this particular person. This helps you to be focused. As Chris advised, don't worry if there are other issues that come up after question one is answered. Just cycle back with the new issue as it can sometimes take a while to uncover the most pressing issue.

Do take your time to complete the exercise. In fact, it is a good idea to re-watch this lecture until you are satisfied that you understand the questions and also, with your answers.

Chris mentions that some of us are internal processors, while others are external processors. So if you are more introspective by nature, you are probably happy to do this on your own. If you are more outgoing, you will likely benefit from having a close and objective friend as a sounding board to help you clarify your thoughts. It's just different strokes for different folks.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 6: Observe the 10 questions in action

Reference the list of the 10 questions and keep your learning journal and a pen nearby as you watch this next video.

The 10 Questions Of A Courageous Conversation

The Diagnosis

1. What is my most pressing issue/concern?
2. What else? Out of all these issues, which one would I like to focus on?
3. How is that affecting me?
4. What will the future look like if nothing changes?
5. What am I expecting of other people?

The Solution

6. What is my responsibility in the solution?
7. What is my preferable future?
8. What we can agree on?
9. What is the one thing we can't fail to do?
10. What are a few practical steps I can take?

Getting to Know Some Courageous People

In the next series of video lectures, you will get to meet three courageous individuals, Sharon, Marco and Liz. Each of them share openly about issues close to their hearts in their coaching with Chris. As you listen in, you might find that some of the issues resonate with you while others might be of interest.

In each of the Conversations, they gain clarity about themselves, about their next steps and about where they are in their relationships. Do take the time to see how they stay engaged in their courageous conversation and how you might be encouraged to do the same.

One of the key success factors in these conversations was the ability to stay open and honest with themselves. Another important factor was just allowing the process to work by sticking with the 10 questions all the way to the end.

And, of course, do remember to be patient with yourself along the way. Grab a cup of tea, find a cosy spot and join us as we listen in to Chris and our three friends.

Conversation with Sharon

This lecture covers salient portions of Chris' Courageous Conversation with Sharon in two parts. Watch how Chris uses the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation to support Sharon in becoming clear about her most pressing issues.

If you are an external processor like Sharon, you will see the benefit of having the opportunity to bounce your thoughts off another objective and mature individual who has your best intentions at heart.

As the conversation progresses, do notice how the most pressing issue is not always the first issue that crops up. For some of us, looking for the most pressing issue may require a few re-visits and some digging around.

No incident is too small to start with. The "doggy bag" incident in this conversation does show up how we often find our most pressing issue in everyday issues.

Sharon demonstrated great courage by daring to be honest and transparent with herself and Chris. In return, she has been rewarded with greater insight about some of her drivers and fears as well as ways to move forward.

Conversation with Sharon

This lecture covers salient portions of Chris' Courageous Conversation with Sharon in two parts. Watch how Chris uses the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation to support Sharon in becoming clear about her most pressing issues.

If you are an external processor like Sharon, you will see the benefit of having the opportunity to bounce your thoughts off another objective and mature individual who has your best intentions at heart.

As the conversation progresses, do notice how the most pressing issue is not always the first issue that crops up. For some of us, looking for the most pressing issue may require a few re-visits and some digging around.

No incident is too small to start with. The "doggy bag" incident in this conversation does show up how we often find our most pressing issue in everyday issues.

Sharon demonstrated great courage by daring to be honest and transparent with herself and Chris. In return, she has been rewarded with greater insight about some of her drivers and fears as well as ways to move forward.

Conversation with Sharon

This lecture covers salient portions of Chris' Courageous Conversation with Sharon in two parts. Watch how Chris uses the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation to support Sharon in becoming clear about her most pressing issues.

If you are an external processor like Sharon, you will see the benefit of having the opportunity to bounce your thoughts off another objective and mature individual who has your best intentions at heart.

As the conversation progresses, do notice how the most pressing issue is not always the first issue that crops up. For some of us, looking for the most pressing issue may require a few re-visits and some digging around.

No incident is too small to start with. The "doggy bag" incident in this conversation does show up how we often find our most pressing issue in everyday issues.

Sharon demonstrated great courage by daring to be honest and transparent with herself and Chris. In return, she has been rewarded with greater insight about some of her drivers and fears as well as ways to move forward.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 7: Debrief on how the 10 questions were applied

Observe when and how the 10 questions are used to guide the conversation along. See if you can pick out the initial pressing issue and then the subsequent issue that became the one that Sharon wanted to work on.

• How might the concept of F.E.A.R. as shared in the video impact your emotions and your reality?
• How might you benefit from a Courageous Conversation?

The 3 Truths

This is a short overview of the Three Truths, Chris shares how to discern the true picture in the midst of our own thoughts and feelings and other information that we may not yet have.

The Three Truths:

1. My mental perception of truth
2. My emotional perception of truth
3. The truth

The 3 Truths

This is a short overview of the Three Truths, Chris shares how to discern the true picture in the midst of our own thoughts and feelings and other information that we may not yet have.

The Three Truths:

1. My mental perception of truth
2. My emotional perception of truth
3. The trut

Responsibility: What's Mine? What's Yours?

In this lecture, Chris gives a clear overview of his coaching process with Sharon.

A lot of Sharon's issue centred around the principle that he who controls the questions controls the debate. In order to answer the core questions rolling around in our minds, we first need to be aware that they exist. For example, Sharon discovered her two core questions were, "Do I measure up," and "Am I too much?"

Often when we remain unaware of these questions, our response to those questions are impacted by the way we perceive information, making it False Evidence Appearing Real (ie: F.E.A.R.). Then we react to our perception of the truth.

By taking time to uncover what the questions are, we can then take control of the questions and be proactive to determine the truth and our response, our responsibility and other's responsibility, in answering them.

Responsibility: What's Mine? What's Yours?

In this lecture, Chris gives a clear overview of his coaching process with Sharon.

A lot of Sharon's issue centred around the principle that he who controls the questions controls the debate. In order to answer the core questions rolling around in our minds, we first need to be aware that they exist. For example, Sharon discovered her two core questions were, "Do I measure up," and "Am I too much?"

Often when we remain unaware of these questions, our response to those questions are impacted by the way we perceive information, making it False Evidence Appearing Real (ie: F.E.A.R.). Then we react to our perception of the truth.

By taking time to uncover what the questions are, we can then take control of the questions and be proactive to determine the truth and our response, our responsibility and other's responsibility, in answering them.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 8: Identify your core question and the influence of F.E.A.R.

• In the relationships that you wish to develop, what core question or statement do you seek to answer?
• Are your responses coloured by F.E.A.R.? In what way?

Sharon's Commentary

In this video, Sharon shares her thoughts coming out of the coaching process.

A few of her discoveries included:

• Talking about it takes the issues out into the open
• An incident may appear trivial but there may often be something signficant that can be captured
• There is a better reality to be grasped
• We default to a pattern of thinking and feeling
• Gaining greater courage to ask for help as a better reality is grasped
• It helps to have a structure to orient a conversation around

LEARNING CHALLENGE 9: Applying the 10 questions for yourself

What discoveries have you made as you answer the questions for yourself?

High Intensity Interval Conversations

What did Sharon do well? Chris unpacks the Four Relational Muscle Fibers that she engaged in order to move her forward:

1. Physical - showing up and saying I'm ready to do this now
2. Mental - engaging her mind, exploring the facts and asking questions.
3. Emotional - engaging her emotions, being vulnerable to what she was feeling
4. Heart - working to identify the issue; uncovering the stories she tells herself.

High Intensity Interval Conversations

What did Sharon do well? Chris unpacks the Four Relational Muscle Fibers that she engaged in order to move her forward:

1. Physical - showing up and saying I'm ready to do this now
2. Mental - engaging her mind, exploring the facts and asking questions.
3. Emotional - engaging her emotions, being vulnerable to what she was feeling
4. Heart - working to identify the issue; uncovering the stories she tells herself.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 10: Prepare to engage your 4 relational muscle fibres

What do you need to do to engage each of your Four Relational Muscle Fibers?

• Physically, I need to (eg: specify a physical conducive space to process with someone, which will be.....)
• Mentally, I need to (eg: list down the facts of this issue, which are.....)
• Emotionally, I need to (eg: identify the emotions that I'm feeling about this issue, which are...)
• Engaging my heart, I need to (eg: identify the issue and uncover the stories I'm telling myself about the issue)

Take Time to Discover Your Issue

Having gone through six of the 10 Questions, Chris discusses how the process was restarted with Sharon as she purposed to be effective instead of just being efficient.

Just as an onion has many layers, we often discover our apparent issues are connected to deeper or other issues. Go ahead and start over again. Give yourself the freedom to restart and focus on being effective rather than efficient.

Take Time to Discover Your Issue

Having gone through six of the 10 Questions, Chris discusses how the process was restarted with Sharon as she purposed to be effective instead of just being efficient.

Just as an onion has many layers, we often discover our apparent issues are connected to deeper or other issues. Go ahead and start over again. Give yourself the freedom to restart and focus on being effective rather than efficient.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 11: Identify what you need to be effective

What freedom will you give yourself to focus on being effective rather than efficient in your Courageous Conversations?

Marco's Story

There is a story behind every person. In this video, Chris describes Marco, who is in the midst of his half-time moment, and introduces the context of how the 10 questions of a Courageous Question will be used as he chats with Chris.

Marco's Story

There is a story behind every person. In this video, Chris describes Marco, who is in the midst of his half-time moment, and introduces the context of how the 10 questions of a Courageous Question will be used as he chats with Chris.

Conversation with Marco (Part 1)

This video features part one of three parts where Chris and Marco have a heart to heart conversation about what it means to be at half-time. Much like a game, half-time is a good time to evaluate how the first half went and to course correct so that in the second half, the outcome will be good or even better.

Using the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation, Chris walks Marco through the process of unpacking his transition time, including talking about his career and his marriage. Marco's courage is evident in his willingness to stay in the conversation even when it touches on sensitive topics that other men would shy away from.

It is noteworthy that Chris took time to linger on question 3, namely, how this situation was affecting him. There is no need to rush ahead. He also invites Marco to consider what the future will look like if nothing changes in the second half of his life.

Conversation with Marco (Part 1)

This video features part one of three parts where Chris and Marco have a heart to heart conversation about what it means to be at half-time. Much like a game, half-time is a good time to evaluate how the first half went and to course correct so that in the second half, the outcome will be good or even better.

Using the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation, Chris walks Marco through the process of unpacking his transition time, including talking about his career and his marriage. Marco's courage is evident in his willingness to stay in the conversation even when it touches on sensitive topics that other men would shy away from.

It is noteworthy that Chris took time to linger on question 3, namely, how this situation was affecting him. There is no need to rush ahead. He also invites Marco to consider what the future will look like if nothing changes in the second half of his life.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 12: How is a specific situation affecting you?

Take time to reflect on how your present situation or a particular relationship is affecting you.

Conversation with Marco (Part 2)

In part two of the Courageous Conversation between Chris and Marco, Marco is asked about what responsibility to own in regard to his most pressing issue, both his as well as others.

In answering question 5 of a Courageous Conversation: "what am I expecting of other people", an alternative way to consider others' responsibility is how they could be of help to you. In Marco's conversation with Chris, the support of his wife and others will be crucial to his development.

In considering question 6 of a Courageous Conversation; what is my responsibility in the solution, it may be actually be as fundamental as it was for Marco; namely to stay open to other's opinions, thoughts and feelings.

This part of the Courageous Conversation also featured Chris sharing on the five step process of transformation:

1. Desperation
2. Humility to acknowledge the problem
3. Willingness to change
4. Willingness to get out one's comfort zone
5. Celebrating new opportunities

Conversation with Marco (Part 2)

In part two of the Courageous Conversation between Chris and Marco, Marco is asked about what responsibility to own in regard to his most pressing issue, both his as well as others.

In answering question 5 of a Courageous Conversation: "what am I expecting of other people", an alternative way to consider others' responsibility is how they could be of help to you. In Marco's conversation with Chris, the support of his wife and others will be crucial to his development.

In considering question 6 of a Courageous Conversation; what is my responsibility in the solution, it may be actually be as fundamental as it was for Marco; namely to stay open to other's opinions, thoughts and feelings.

This part of the Courageous Conversation also featured Chris sharing on the five step process of transformation:

1. Desperation
2. Humility to acknowledge the problem
3. Willingness to change
4. Willingness to get out one's comfort zone
5. Celebrating new opportunities

LEARNING CHALLENGE 13: Specify responsibilities

• What are some way others can be of help to you in resolving your most pressing issue?
• What mindset do you need to embrace as part of your responsibility?

Conversation with Marco (Part 3)

In the last part of Marco's Courageous Conversation with Chris, he is led through the last three questions relating to agreement and steps forward.

Question 8 is asked of Marco this way: "What agreement do you need to pursue the vision of your heart?". It is a good question to gain clarity on who and what you need to get agreement from and on the what needs to be worked through. It is difficult and in many situations, impossible, to move ahead without gaining agreement from the person you have identified as involved in resolving your most pressing need. Marco needed to agree with his wife that the family is prioritised in his decision-making process.

Question 9 can also be thought of as the crucial thing that needs to be done everything else that is done is rendered inconsequential. In Marco's case it is being honest and transparent with himself and others.

Question 10 requires practical steps and here Marco mentions his use of an e-scheduler and intentional relationships.

Chris lands the session with a succinct summary of Marco's answers in the Courageous Conversation.

Conversation with Marco (Part 3)

In the last part of Marco's Courageous Conversation with Chris, he is led through the last three questions relating to agreement and steps forward.

Question 8 is asked of Marco this way: "What agreement do you need to pursue the vision of your heart?". It is a good question to gain clarity on who and what you need to get agreement from and on the what needs to be worked through. It is difficult and in many situations, impossible, to move ahead without gaining agreement from the person you have identified as involved in resolving your most pressing need. Marco needed to agree with his wife that the family is prioritised in his decision-making process.

Question 9 can also be thought of as the crucial thing that needs to be done everything else that is done is rendered inconsequential. In Marco's case it is being honest and transparent with himself and others.

Question 10 requires practical steps and here Marco mentions his use of an e-scheduler and intentional relationships.

Chris lands the session with a succinct summary of Marco's answers in the Courageous Conversation.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 14

Try and summarize your own Courageous Conversation by walking through the answer of each question.

Chris' Debrief on Marco: 10 Questions in Action!

In this lecture, Chris gives a candid and clear overview of his courageous conversation with Marco.

Chris makes an observation that the degree of desperation usually determines how open or willing a person is to change. He also notes from his coaching practice, some ways in which genders relate to each other and in particular, the way in which men typically respond to issues.

Chris' Debrief on Marco: 10 Questions in Action!

In this lecture, Chris gives a candid and clear overview of his courageous conversation with Marco.

Chris makes an observation that the degree of desperation usually determines how open or willing a person is to change. He also notes from his coaching practice, some ways in which genders relate to each other and in particular, the way in which men typically respond to issues.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 15

As you follow along as Chris unpacks how the questions guided the conversation, observe how each question can open avenues to be more courageous. What are some new insights you've gained on how to use the 10 questions more effectively?

Clarifying the Most Pressing Issue

Be willing to go Simple to Complex to Simple.

In this lecture, Chris unpacks how, just by staying with the process, Marco engaged in a high intensity interval conversation and was willing to be open to a simple start, worked through the complexity of the issue to finally arrive at a simple solution that allows you to move forward decisively.

Clarifying the Most Pressing Issue

Be willing to go Simple to Complex to Simple.

In this lecture, Chris unpacks how, just by staying with the process, Marco engaged in a high intensity interval conversation and was willing to be open to a simple start, worked through the complexity of the issue to finally arrive at a simple solution that allows you to move forward decisively.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 16: Personal roadblocks to answering the 10 questions

Observe yourself: As you walk through the 10 questions, do you find yourself pulling back at any stage? Identify for yourself which stage it is and explore what might be holding you back. Encourage yourself to Stay With The Process until you get to a place you are confident will move you forward.

Liz's Story

In this short clip, Chris gives an overview of the courageous conversation he has with Liz, a successful working mom who was trying to get clarity about why she vacillates between being fully engaged and fully disengaged in her relationships.

Liz's Story

In this short clip, Chris gives an overview of the courageous conversation he has with Liz, a successful working mom who was trying to get clarity about why she vacillates between being fully engaged and fully disengaged in her relationships.

Liz Shares About Herself

Elizabeth shares honestly about herself and her work-life effectiveness challenges and its effect on her.

Describing the persona called "Corporate Liz", she is able to identify how this persona works at work but is not quite so effective outside of work. She also shares some context relating to her challenges of not being able to say "no".

Liz Shares About Herself

Elizabeth shares honestly about herself and her work-life effectiveness challenges and its effect on her.

Describing the persona called "Corporate Liz", she is able to identify how this persona works at work but is not quite so effective outside of work. She also shares some context relating to her challenges of not being able to say "no".

Conversation with Liz (Part 1)

In this video, Chris and Liz are talking about question 7, "what is my preferable future". As she shares, it soon becomes evident the the first preferable future identified may not be the one that would truly echo Liz's heart's desire. Watch as she starts getting clarity about the reality You + Me = We.

Conversation with Liz (Part 1)

In this video, Chris and Liz are talking about question 7, "what is my preferable future". As she shares, it soon becomes evident the the first preferable future identified may not be the one that would truly echo Liz's heart's desire. Watch as she starts getting clarity about the reality You + Me = We.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 17: Examining your preferable future

• In what way(s) does your preferable future align with your heart's desires?
• Where it falls short, in what way(s) does your preferable future fail to align with your heart's desires?

Conversation with Liz (Part 2)

Chris continues to guide Liz through uncovering her preferable future.

They talk about an important continuum that contains three choices: giving in, giving up and giving my best. Through looking at that continuum, Liz begins to get more clarity about how her choices swing and end up hurting herself and her loved ones.

Conversation with Liz (Part 2)

Chris continues to guide Liz through uncovering her preferable future.

They talk about an important continuum that contains three choices: giving in, giving up and giving my best. Through looking at that continuum, Liz begins to get more clarity about how her choices swing and end up hurting herself and her loved ones.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 18: Do you give in, give up or give your best?

Both personally and professionally, in what direction(s) do your choices tend to go: giving in, giving up or giving your best?

Conversation with Liz (Part 3)

Chris talks to Liz about the need to create a safe space for courageous conversations. These exist in places where emotions are managed through short, clear communications between parties. Using her situation as a point of reference, Chris demonstrates the benefit of that approach.

Conversation with Liz (Part 3)

Chris talks to Liz about the need to create a safe space for courageous conversations. These exist in places where emotions are managed through short, clear communications between parties. Using her situation as a point of reference, Chris demonstrates the benefit of that approach.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 19: Do you create an emotionally safe space?

Do you let emotions get the better or you and get in the way of effective conversations? How so?

Liz's Commentary: Conversation with Chris

Liz makes a few observations about her time with Chris.

One key observation was her awareness that there was in fact an issue that she needed to address on the homefront. Her ability to get clarity increased as she was challenged by Chris to verbalise what was going on inside of her head.

Whether one is an internal or external processor, there will be moments in time when it is beneficial and needful to have a sounding board in order to own your learning and discovery.

Liz's Commentary: Conversation with Chris

Liz makes a few observations about her time with Chris.

One key observation was her awareness that there was in fact an issue that she needed to address on the homefront. Her ability to get clarity increased as she was challenged by Chris to verbalise what was going on inside of her head.

Whether one is an internal or external processor, there will be moments in time when it is beneficial and needful to have a sounding board in order to own your learning and discovery.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 20: Get help to get clear

• How do you get clear about your thoughts?
• Are there trusted people around you that can be your sounding board?

Liz's Commentary: Steps Forward

Another of Liz's reflections was in relation to practical steps she will be taking after her courageous conversation. In her case, it was being intentional about taking time for herself and to be kind with herself when things do not go the way she planned.

Liz's Commentary: Steps Forward

Another of Liz's reflections was in relation to practical steps she will be taking after her courageous conversation. In her case, it was being intentional about taking time for herself and to be kind with herself when things do not go the way she planned.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 21: Be kind to yourself

What is a practical step you will take to be kind to yourself?

Complexity to Simplicity: Chris' Debrief on Liz

Chris shares his observations about his conversation with Liz. Counsel in the heart of a person is deep and a courageous conversation is designed to bring that to the surface; to come to the truth for who they really are so that change can occur.

He also explains how the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation are designed to embrace both the simplicity and complexity of the issue. You may recall he made reference to that in his conversation with Marco as well.

Complexity to Simplicity: Chris' Debrief on Liz

Chris shares his observations about his conversation with Liz. Counsel in the heart of a person is deep and a courageous conversation is designed to bring that to the surface; to come to the truth for who they really are so that change can occur.

He also explains how the 10 questions of a Courageous Conversation are designed to embrace both the simplicity and complexity of the issue. You may recall he made reference to that in his conversation with Marco as well.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 22: What you've learned about yourself

What are some truths about yourself that you are coming to greater awareness of through your courageous conversation?

Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Give your best.

How do you get off the roller coaster of being fully engaged or fully disengaged? Chris unpacks Liz's responsibility in the matter and together they discovered that Liz either gives in and loses herself or gives up and asserts herself.

The question she had to answer was not: "how does she not give in or not give up?" Instead, it was: "how does she give your best, to bring her full self into a conversation so that she can relate to others more successfully?"

Don’t give in. Don’t give up. Give your best.

How do you get off the roller coaster of being fully engaged or fully disengaged? Chris unpacks Liz's responsibility in the matter and together they discovered that Liz either gives in and loses herself or gives up and asserts herself.

The question she had to answer was not: "how does she not give in or not give up?" Instead, it was: "how does she give your best, to bring her full self into a conversation so that she can relate to others more successfully?"

LEARNING CHALLENGE 23: What is your default mode?

In relationships that matter the most to you, is your default engagement mode - give in, give up or give your best? In what specific ways do you default to that mode?

Clarity Creates a Safe Space

How do you safely charting the ocean of emotions when you need to have a conversation with someone?

Chris shares how becoming clear on your own makes it a safe place, whether the conversation happens at home or at the workplace. The courageous conversation is designed to provide questions that guide a person to clarity about their pressing issues, their feelings about it, the impact of it, how a different outcome might look like and parties who can be a part of the solution.

Clarity Creates a Safe Space

How do you safely charting the ocean of emotions when you need to have a conversation with someone?

Chris shares how becoming clear on your own makes it a safe place, whether the conversation happens at home or at the workplace. The courageous conversation is designed to provide questions that guide a person to clarity about their pressing issues, their feelings about it, the impact of it, how a different outcome might look like and parties who can be a part of the solution.

LEARNING CHALLENGE 24: Let's summarize and practice

Work through how to express your issue clearly and succinctly in three to five minutes.

Congratulations on having the courage to be clear!

By being authentic and real, you have gained moral courage to be able to present yourself as your really are. You get clarity, boldness and courage to communicate to others what is going on inside of you.

There are 4 Ways Courage shows up.

1. Courage to see myself for who I really am
2. Courage to let you see who I am
3. Courage to see you
4. Courage to collaborate

The first two ways have been covered in this module and help you learn about your reality. The second two ways are covered in the next module and help you become relatable to others.

As you proceed on your learning journey, do focus on learning how to be interested, rather than on being interesting.

It's been a pleasure walking this learning journey with you.