30 Day Self-Love Challenge

Your task in a nutshell: Write your vows to yourself, just like you'd write wedding vows. Focus on two aspects: 1. What you feel you have to give and 2. What you've always wanted to receive. Include both. Then, say those vows to yourself in the mirror. Journal about your reaction.

Your task in a nutshell: In your journal, make two lists (either in two columns or on two different pages). One list is "Things I am focused on accepting right now" and the other is "Things I am focused on changing right now." Take note of where you are putting your mental, emotional, and physical energy. Are you trying to change the past? Are you accepting a job you hate? Are you trying to change the way that people perceive you? Are you accepting your lack of emotional connection with your kids?

Write out both lists, then go through each item you're currently accepting and ask "Do I actually want/need to change this instead of accepting it?" For each item on the list of things you're focused on changing, ask "Do I actually want/need to accept this instead of trying to change it?"

The idea here is to look at where you are expending extra energy that is not serving you and to take that energy and fuel it into trying to change something that will serve you. As the serenity prayer goes: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to tell the difference."

This exercise is about building that wisdom.

One obstacle you might run into is if you are working on changing and accepting something. For example, if you are focused on changing your relationship with your body by accepting it. This is perfectly normal. The solution is to be very specific. What, specifically, are you trying to change about your body or your relationship with your body? What, specifically, are you trying to accept about it? Once you've narrowed this down, ask the questions above.

Of course, on both lists, you will end up with many items that are okay as they are. Of course, some of your acceptance efforts are perfectly healthy and some of your change efforts are perfectly healthy as well.

Your goal is to identify areas for acceptance and areas for change. Your goal is to see where you're working too hard to cover up your authentic self and where you're not allowing yourself to flower in your potential. Then, you can take the energy you use trying to change what you can't and put it towards changing what you can.

That was a huge nutshell, wasn't it!? Oh well.

Love!

Your task in a nutshell: When we do not accept ourselves, we tend to build up a mask. This mask is made up of labels, excuses, behaviours, environments, relationships, and self-talk. We engage in daily behaviours that help hide who we are and put on a show of who we're not. Today, ask yourself "How do I hide my authentic self?" Find one way that you hide, something you do at least every day. Once you've found one way you hide from your authentic self, vow to give it up for 27 days (the rest of the challenge). In your mirror work, say: "I promise to give up this for the next 27 days and, if this serves me, I promise you to give it up for the rest of my life." Then—give it up!

Some examples/ideas: makeup, scale and/or full length mirror, diet plan, labels for yourself, a story you tell about your past, avoiding eye contact, acting controlling/bossy, excuses (e.g. "I can't because..." or "I'm not... enough"), the internet and the way you paint yourself on social media, gossip/judgment of others, exaggeration or other types of pathological lying, a job you hate, a relationship with a person who cannot/does not understand you.

Your task in a nutshell: Yesterday you asked, "How do I hide my authentic self?" and gave up something that helps you hide. Today, we are doing something very similar. Today, we are asking, "How do I hide from making the changes I want to make?" and "How do I numb the pain of not making the changes that I need to make in my life?" Once you've found one way you hide from change, vow to give it up for 26 days (the rest of the challenge). In your mirror work, say: "I promise to give up this for the next 26 days and, if this serves me, I promise you to give it up for the rest of my life." Then—give it up!

Some examples/ideas: procrastination, excuses (be specific - which ones?), social media, television, smoking, eating, a relationship that doesn't serve you, a label you have for yourself.

Your task in a nutshell: If you're doing all the tasks so far, you should be experiencing intense (probably negative) emotions. Today, each time you experience a negative emotion, do this self-awareness process step by step:

1. Identify your feeling. Where is it, and how do you feel it?

2. Identify your typical reaction to the feeling. How do you usually act when you feel this way, and what are you compelled to do?

3. Identify thoughts. What are you thinking exactly at that moment when you are having that feeling?

4. Release. Focus on where the feeling is in your body and release consciously (relax where you are clenching). Watch what that does to the thoughts.

5. Show gratitude/Journal. Write what you've learned. Express gratitude for being able to watch your thoughts/feelings like this (other animals cannot, we can—what a gift!)

This process, you can use for the rest of your life! It is a great way to detach from the negative thoughts/emotions that keep you trapped and insecure. Remember that it's okay for this to be hard. It's okay to fail. This is like learning to walk. Just practice this today and, if this seems like a great thing to work on for you, keep working on it during the challenge!

Enjoy ?

Your task in a nutshell: As you are using the self-awareness process from Day 5, you will find many thoughts (in step 3) that cause you pain, fear, insecurity, and other negative emotions. Begin to think of these as allergic reactions. So, if you feel fear after thinking "I am not good enough", then think of yourself as being allergic to the thought "I am not good enough."

Today, make an "Allergy Jar." Be as creative as you want in making it. Then, for the whole day, each time you find a thought in your head that brings you any kind of pain, write it on a piece of paper and put it in the jar. At the end of the day, read all the papers and look for patterns. Become aware of which thoughts are hurting you.

Then, write the thoughts in your journal under a list called "Thoughts I'm Allergic To" or "Lies I Tell Myself." Feel free to keep doing this every day to get feedback on what negative thoughts pollute your head. Seek to simply become aware of them, not "remove" or "push them away".

If you keep using this exercise in the long term, increase the time between sessions of looking in the jar and writing the thoughts.

Your task in a nutshell: We all have a "mental audience" in our heads full of people whose reactions we consider before we act. Your task today is to write down who is in your mental audience. Whose opinions do you consider in your decisions? Whose judgment do you take into consideration before you act? Who is applauding you (or heckling you)?

For each person on the list, ask yourself "Should this person be here? Should I really take this person's opinion into consideration when I make decisions?" If someone who is not the best judge of your potential is currently close to you physically, you can distance from them emotionally by taking them out of your mental audience. This way, you can "clean out" your mental audience, leaving only supportive, loving, kind people (some of whom you might have to invite in!)

Write down your new mental audience. Then, if you're feeling creative, draw them.

Your task in a nutshell: Today is about forgiveness, which many people think is about ignoring the wrongs of the past. Ignoring what's happened is impossible (and, in a way, dangerous). So, today we will approach forgiveness in a different way with the "Forgiveness Flashlight" exercise.

The exercise goes like this: think of a past situation that you have to forgive someone for (even if that someone is you). Write down all the things you remember about that situation. Imagine that you are shining a flashlight on that part of the situation. You are focusing on what some person has done wrong.

Accept what you see. Yes, this happened. Now, imagine yourself moving the light to another part of that scene from the past. What's happening over there? Include it in your view of the situation. If your original light was shining only on what you did wrong, for example, shine the light on other people. What did others do that contributed to the situation? How have they also made mistakes?

If you are working on forigiving someone else, you're likely shining a flashlight right at them—at what they've done and what's bad about it. Then, you can shine the flashlight at yourself. What did you also do to contribute to this situation? How are you also responsible? Then, shine it at another part of the person you've been having trouble forgiving. Why did they do this thing? What pain were they in? Why would you have done the same in their shoes? And, back to you, what would you have to go through in order to do what they did? Where is their nature in your nature? How are you both flawed humans, deserving of love anyway?

Imagine your flashlight beam getting bigger and bigger. See more and more of the situation. Imagine it or journal about it or both. This way, you should be able to see the whole situation without having to ignore or forget anything that happened. Rather, you can add new knowledge to what you already know.

Enjoy the task!

Your task in a nutshell: They say, "you're only as sick as your secrets." Today, you will heal yourself by releasing a BIG secret. Yes, that one! Tell the group, tell a friend, tell your partner—tell someone, anyone.

A great option here, too, is www.postsecret.com which allows you to make a postcard and send it anonymously to the owner of the website. The website is full of anonymous human secrets from all over the world. Go there to get ideas as well!

Your task in a nutshell: Today is the last day of the Cleansing section. Today, we will do something very dramatic: a big cleanse. Your task is to scour your computer, your closets, your room, your living room, go find all those things that are symbols of a past that you are no longer interested in. Collect them and, then, get rid of them.

This is the equivalent of donating the toys and shoes that a child has outgrown. Liberate yourself from your past and the self-concepts, images, and memories that set you back.

If you can, donate the items. If they're digital, delete them. All else, if you can (and if it's not toxic to the environment), burn it. There’s something incredibly satisfying about burning the old. Nature does it all the time!

Have fun with this one!

Your task in a nutshell: Today, your task is to catch yourself smiling in the mirror. Try looking in your eyes and smiling. Make it genuine. If you're having trouble, call up a friend or ask a loved one to sit in the next room and talk to you. You could also put on a funny video or something else that you know will bring a smile to your face. Make sure you catch yourself doing it! Experiment! Make it fun.

This might feel strange and foreign at first, and that's okay. Your relationship with yourself will grow with every smile, just like every other relationship. I hope that today you see—your smile is beautiful. Your joy is beautiful. You are beautiful.

Your task in a nutshell: Do something kind and don't tell anyone. The purpose is so that you can be proud of yourself for doing something kind, instead of depending on approval from others. Of course, if you do something kind for another person, they will know—just don't tell anyone else. Not even the group! Enjoy keeping those feelings self-approval inside of you, without needing to have them validated externally.

Your task in a nutshell: Today, you will look at yourself from a different viewpoint—the viewpoint of unconditional love.

Think of someone who unconditionally loves you: someone in your life or someone who is an archetype of unconditional love (who loves everyone). Then, journal about how this person sees you. What do they see when they look at you? Write from their viewpoint, their thoughts. See through their eyes.

Then, after you do this exercise, do some mirror work, with a twist. Come up to the mirror with your eyes closed. Before you open your eyes, get fully into the mindset of the person who you know loves you unconditionally. Get fully into their mindset. Then, open your eyes and look at yourself.

You might see yourself through their loving eyes for a second, for an hour, or for a lifetime. Whatever happens, it's worth a try! Enjoy this.

Your task in a nutshell: Today's task is about values. Identify at least 5 core values that you feel are crucial for you to uphold. Then, make a piece of art with the words (e.g. a Facebook banner, a drawing, a collage, a painting). The purpose is to identify and solidify your values so that you don't feel pressed to surrender them around other people (who might not have the same values as you). Have fun with this one! Get creative!

Your task in a nutshell: Today's task is all about appreciating your body—in action! There are a few steps:

1. Move. Do something that makes you sweat—that means cardio!

2. Cleanse. Take a shower (or a bath), and take as long as you want!

3. Touch. In a comfortable place, maybe on your bed, touch your skin with your hands, rub yourself, massage yourself. Touch your skin the way that you like to be touched

4. Hug. Give yourself a big hug, if you haven't already.

5. Journal. Complete this sentence in as many ways as you can: "I am grateful to my body because..."

I hope that, by the end of this task, you can develop a sense of reverence for your body. You can't judge and revere at once. Enjoy this. It's a life-changer! If you love this task, do this more often! You deserve it.

(NOTE: I know the wind makes this video hard to hear. You can download a transcription in the resources section.)

Begin by writing out all your perceived flaws and imperfections. Imagine that that those are what you're shining your flashlight on—this is where your focus and attention is. Then, continue the list. Add the things you appreciate about yourself. What do you love about you? What is beautiful? What makes you special? What makes you interconnected? What else is there about you that is wonderful, amazing, unique? What did you see on Day 13 through the eyes of unconditional love?

Then, imagine that your flashlight has expanded its light to include your flaws/imperfections AND all the other wonderful things on the list. Like this, you can see that you do not need to ignore your perceived flaws. Rather, you can include them. You can use this task in the future if you find yourself being judgmental/critical of yourself. You can say, "Yes, I am this or I did this, but what else am I? What else is there about me? What are the good things?"

I hope today's task gives you some incredible tools to use—now and in the future!

Your task in a nutshell: Today, your goal is to have no goals. Your task is to play for at least 30 minutes, an hour if you can. Let loose. Be wild. If you've got kids, play with them. If you don't, play by yourself. The point of play is to do something just because. So do it! Enjoy it. Share with the group, if you're on there.

Your task in a nutshell: For day 18, we're churning our struggles into learning experiences. The task is simple (but maybe not easy). Write down 5 big mistakes you've made or struggles you've gone through. The more ashamed you are of them, the better they are for this exercise. After you've got at least 5 (you can have more), write 3 lessons you learned from making that mistake or going through that challenge. The goal is to help you see the lesson in your suffering so that you can accept yourself and move on, older and wiser.

Your task in a nutshell: Today is all mirror work! Go to the mirror and ask, "What do you need from me right now?" Ask until you get a genuine answer. Then ask, "How can I give that to you?" The purpose is two-fold. First, you will appreciate the conversation that is always going on within you, the needs you already have. Second, you will be able to honour and fulfill your needs, allowing you to act in a loving way to yourself today—right now! Enjoy.

NOTE: This video is full of ocean, so I've transcribed it as well (see text file in resources section). I can't, however, fix the fact that I'm a silhouette—definitely laughed about this after filming it!

Your task in a nutshell: Today is all about dreams! Write down everything you dreamed of being when you were a kid, no matter how silly those dreams may seem to you today. Then, include what your dreams were when you were in preschool, then a teenager. Try to summarize all your childhood dreams—as many or few as there were.

Then, for each of the dreams on the list, ask yourself, "What is the authentic desire behind this dream?" An authentic desire is usually not something specific (i.e. want to be a singer or want to be a basketball player) but something more general and representing a vital human need (i.e. want to inspire people, want attention, or want to move my body).

Then, for each authentic desire, ask yourself, "Am I honouring this desire in my life right now?" This will help you gauge how well you're meeting your needs and give you insight for future personal development (coming up in the next section!)

Your task in a nutshell: To start off the Growing section, we will look at some changes you can make in your life—with a spin. Usually, we look at change something that we do and, if we don' do it, it doesn't happen. Today, you are invited, instead, to look at change as the nature of life, the nature of yourself, and see your life through that lens.

Ask yourself, "what is already changing in my life? What am I already being drawn towards, and what am I already going away from? What am I already craving to do, thinking about, and desiring more of in my life? What am I already developing an aversion to or pushing out of my life?"

By attending to the changes that are already occurring, you can allow yourself to change from inside out, allowing the potential within you to flower out of your core, instead of pushing change and using willpower.

Your task in a nutshell: From your self-awareness work, you should be becoming aware of your patterns of thought, emotion, and action. Today, you will look at your patterns of negative emotion. What triggers your negative states?

List 3 of your triggers. Then, think of the 3 people you spend the most time with right now and list 3 of their triggers. This awareness will give you the power to understand why others do things (and not take their reactions to you personally) as well as the power to understand why you do things (and thus gain the power to change your own reactions).

Some examples of triggers: social situations, being laughed at, someone asking you to do something and not waiting for a response (assuming you'll say yes), being interrupted, when people don't follow through on promises, a roommate/child/partner leaving their belongings around or turning on loud music, a tone of voice, feeling condescended to, seeing your partner look at someone you perceive as more attractive, being told to do something (instead of being asked), passing by a group of people laughing (assuming they're laughing at you), prolonged eye contact, etc.

Your task in a nutshell: Write a list of all the people who make you feel jealous. Realize that the message of jealousy is not "this person has something I don't." It's "this person has something I want." Whoever you're jealous of is showing you something you already have: your potential.

Write a letter to each person on the list (preferably handwritten, but email works too) and tell them why they inspire you. Tell them what they show you about your own potential. Then, if you're feeling up to it, send the letters.

Your task in a nutshell: Today, you will ask yourself: "What makes me happy?" or "What brings me joy?" Your task is to come up with as many answers as you can to that question. Try to aim for at least 10.

To get the answer, you can do mirror work, journal, or look back for clues in previous tasks in this challenge. Once you've got your list, make a visual representation of what you've found brings you joy. It can be digital (e.g. a desktop background) or physical (e.g. a bristol board with those items listed on it). You can make it as simple or as intricate as you want! Finally, write the question "How can I invite more joy into my life right now?" at the bottom in big letters.

Put this "Joy Board" somewhere you'll see it every day. Let it inspire you to do what makes you happy.

Your task in a nutshell: Today, you will begin scheduling daily self-care routines. Follow these three steps:

1. Make time. In your day planner or calendar, block off 20 minutes each day starting today and continuing for the next 6 days.

2. Label each day. Label today "Mind", tomorrow "Body", and the third day "Happiness". Do this again for the next 3 days and leave the last day blank. These labels will tell you what you will be focusing on each day at minimum. You can always do more than 20 minutes and more than just one category, if you're inspired to do so.

3. Do the daily routine. For each day, do at least 20 minutes of self-care. Give yourself freedom each day to do whatever you feel inspired to do within that day's category. So, today, do 20 minutes of mental care. Take care of your mind however you like to. That can be meditation, journaling, positive thinking, guided meditation audio, or anything else you enjoy doing that feeds and nourishes your mind. Tomorrow, take care of your body. The next day, do a happiness habit (consult your joy board from yesterday). On the 7th day, do whichever self-care habit you feel like doing (still, for at least 20 minutes). If you're inclined, schedule the next 7 days like this.

The goal here is to begin scheduling self-care into every day. Remember, this scheduling gives you the minimum. You can feel free to work on your mind, body, and happiness every day for 2 hours, if you feel compelled. The final goal is to have self-care become a permanent part of your daily routine. Do whatever you can. We all have to start somewhere!

Your task in a nutshell: Today, you'll be focusing on the relationships in your life. Are they helping you grow or are they setting you back?

Write out the names of every person you are in contact with. Include the people you know physically as well as digitally. Include me. Include distant friends and relatives.

Then, as you go down the list, ask yourself, "Is this person helping me grow or helping me stagnate?"

After you've identified the answer to that question for each person, scan your list. Ask yourself, "Whom am I giving more time, brain space, effort, and love to: the people who help me grow or the people who help me stagnate?"

This will help you see where you have room to spend more time with people who nourish your potential and where you have the room to distance yourself from relationships that no longer serve you.

And don't forget that 20 minutes of self-care for your body!

Your task in a nutshell: Today's exercise will use the power of your imagination to get in touch with your future self.

In your journal, write a detailed description of a day in the life of your future self—a self who has already achieved everything you dream about. Be very specific. Target all the senses. Be detailed. What do you eat for breakfast? Where do you live? What time do you wake up? Who is there? What do you do for lunch? And so on.

Allow yourself to dream the life you want into existence. This exercise is an incredibly powerful way to program your mind with what you really want, so go deep!

And don't forget to do at least 20 minutes of happiness-oriented self-care today! Let your joy board from Day 24 inspire you.

Your task in a nutshell: Today's task is about letting ourselves be seen, however frightening that might be.

Your task is to take a video of yourself being authentic and vulnerable (e.g. singing, telling a story/memory, reading a poem you wrote, talking about the lessons you've learned on this journey).

Then, watch it. If it is difficult for you to see yourself, spend some time at this stage. Practice the self-awareness process from day 5. Release tension as you watch the video and allow yourself to learn new patterns of interacting with your image.

If this is really difficult, then you know what to do: do this again tomorrow, and the next day, and the next. This kind of work is so valuable for building self-love, but it does take practice. With time and commitment, you can face your fear of being seen by developing an awareness of the shame-inducing patterns that keep you from being authentic in the world.

If watching yourself is easy, then show the video to someone else (or many others by posting in the group or even putting it up on YouTube). Then, you can face your fear of being seen by others.

Enjoy this (even though it might hurt). Pushing our comfort boundaries can hurt sometimes, but it is always worth it in the long run.

And don't forget your self-care task for today!

Your task in a nutshell: Today's task will help you face your tendency to second-guess yourself and seek outside opinions before trusting your own instincts.

Your task is to write your own version of the 10 Self-Love Commandments: the most important lessons in self-love.

Here's the catch—you can't ask anyone for help or their opinion. You can't check in with the group or ask me for advice. You have to complete the whole list before you share it. And you have to stick to it after you share it. After all, those are your lessons and, though other people's lessons might be different, that doesn't make yours wrong.

I hope that this allows you to trust in what you know and also lets you experience a taste of what I do every day—teaching your journey. I hope this shows you that teaching your journey is a beautiful way to learn from it and, maybe, inspires you to do something along those lines in the future.

Enjoy this! And no cheating. Make sure your task is totally complete before you look in the group or share what you've made.

If you're inspired to make art of it, as always, do so! And don't forget to do your self-care for today.

Your task in a nutshell: It's your last day! Today will be all about paving the rest of your life journey with self-love, self-care, and self-awareness.

First, you will make a contract to yourself. It will have two parts. Part one will be a simple table with two columns. In one column, write all the things you want to do more. In the other column, write all the things you want to do less.

Part two of the contract is a promise from you to yourself to begin on that big thing that you've been putting off. This big thing must be something scary, something huge, something that has a beginning and an end. Save everything that's a lifelong behaviour for the table.

Then, sign it. Put it up. Make a copy for your journal. Make art from it, if you want. Share it with the group. Make this your last promise of the Challenge and the first promise of the rest of your life.

Also take today to carve out your next 7 days for self-care and take your After picture for the Challenge.

And don't forget to smile! You did it. You are awesome!