Expectations Vs Joy (Client)

Joeel & Natalie Rivera
A free video tutorial from Joeel & Natalie Rivera
Top Udemy instructor with over 300,000 students
4.5 instructor rating • 86 courses • 339,087 students

Lecture description

Ever had high expectations and been disappointed (no joy there)? Ever had low expectations and lived in a slump (still no joy)? This lecture will give you the tool to let go of expectations all together and, surprise, find your joy!

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05:17:02 of on-demand video • Updated April 2021

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English [Auto] Welcome back. So we're talking about desire. Now, I'm going to get into a little conversation here about how desire and expectations fit together, because when we go into any experience that we're going to have in our life, we have certain expectations or desires for the outcome or the experience that we're going to have. And most people go through life with either high expectations or low expectations. And although high expectations can be a good thing, I'm going to plead a case here that high and low expectations actually both block you from your joy. So let me explain. So over here, this is a pendulum. I don't know if you've ever used one, but it has a weight at the bottom and it swings back and forth. And there's a lot of analogies about pendulums and life, like, for example, the economy. It tends to swing this way and there's a high and then it swings this way and there's a low. And so that's what I'm talking about here with expectations. So my example is when I was a teenager, I was going on a vacation and I was so excited about it and I ran through my mind like every single thing that I was going to do and I pictured how glorious it was going to be. And I had extremely high expectations. And so what happened to me was I went on the vacation and it was good. But because I had glorified it so much, it was like I felt disappointed. Because it wasn't as grand as I had made it in my mind, do you understand what I'm saying here? Have you had that sort of experience where something didn't live up to your expectations and therefore disappointed you? A lot of people that have high expectations, they have this happen related to people, a lot of people where we place very high expectations on them and then they don't meet them and then we feel disappointed. And so even though you would think having a high expectation of life would bring you joy, you can see very easily that it doesn't necessarily because it also can make you be very disappointed, which doesn't feel like joy at all. And so what happened when I was a teenager is I realized that that's what had happened, that I had like Overanalysed in my mind. And so after that, I said, all right, well, next time I'm going to have low expectations so that anything that happens that doesn't suck is going to seem great. And so I kind of tried that went on. But what happened is, is, of course, you know, being a teenager and teenagers have a tendency to be a little negative in the first place. I kind of went the other extreme almost in general or before I was kind of a Pollyanna. And then for like about a year or so, I kind of switched and I went around expecting the worst from everything in hopes that then it would be better than I expected and then I would feel joy. And it didn't really work because anyone who has tried this or experiences it because they are someone who tends to have low expectations, you just kind of feel bad. And yeah, of course, those things that surprise you, that make you feel good, but it definitely does not produce joy. So I went from one extreme and swung to the other. And that's very often what people do, just like if somebody has really low expectations in their life and, you know, they're kind of a pessimist and then they get motivated one day and there's I'm going to be an optimist and I'm going to you know, I'm going to aim high and I'm going to believe everything's going to be great and I'm going to study the positive thinking movement then. And I'm going to start expecting everything to be wonderful all the time. And then when they meet with that disappointed, they're like, Oh, man, I was right in the first place. And they go right back to being a pessimist. So neither one really works. So my point about desire, instead of desiring everything to be perfect and desiring everything to be this high expectation level. Why don't you just let go of the expectation, let go of the desire and see how you feel there, this is the realm of no expectation. This is what happens when you stop giving that pendulum momentum and just let it gently eventually fall back down in between and let it go. And if you're someone who has negative expectations, maybe because you've been disappointed too many times before and you just go around the world expecting everything to be bad, and because of it, it's like even though it's not what you want, it's not your desire, you're still putting that vibe out to the world that says, you know, this is what I expect. So in a way, you do kind of desire it because that's what you're looking for. So rather than staying in that place, that feels terrible and rather than trying to force yourself through, you know, a bazillion affirmations and positive thinking that if you really don't feel it doesn't work anyway and forcing yourself over to high expectations, why not let that go and just let yourself fall right down to the middle where there's no expectations. Now, the reason why you want to go down here. It's because that's where you find your joy. That's where it is you have to let go. That is one of the keys. And I know I know a lot of people have heard this notion of letting go. And I tend to talk about this a lot. Most people misunderstand what letting go means. It's like right here I'm talking about letting go of expectations, but you can let go of many things. But a lot of times what happens is people say, oh, I'm going to let go. And basically I'm just going to kind of give up and, you know, I'm resigned to whatever happens. And I'm I'm going to let go of trying to make my life what I want. And I'm just going to let whatever happens happens. Well, what happens when you do that is that then everybody else gets to direct your life because other people are out there trying to create what they want and are finding their joy and trying to create the structures in their lives that are going to bring them their joy. And then that's going to get imposed on you because you just kind of giving up on life, which doesn't make sense. That's not what letting go means, letting go, doing everything that you can do. And then when you reach that point, when there's nothing else you can do, letting it go right. So in this situation, it's doing everything I can do to have inappropriate expectation, kind of assess what's what's realistic. What do I want. View it as positively as you can, as high expectation as you can. That's great, but then you have to let it go and say it is what it is. It's going to be great no matter what. I'm going to make the best of it, no matter what. That's in the realm of no expectations and only when you're not expecting it to be one thing or another can you truly be in the moment, which we're going to talk about being in the moment, be in the moment where you can experience joy, because that's when Joy is experienced, is in the moment when you're not expecting anything. So there you have it. Release your expectations and then you'll find your joy. Thank you.