This course is a collection of the top 20 parenting questions and answers that will help you unlock those everyday parenting challenges.
As an international parenting coach and school principal for over 20 years, I have created many online parenting courses where I share great emotionally intelligent skills that result in breakthroughs and happy children.
And in each course, I get asked hundreds of questions via the forums and personal messages.
But these questions are so great, and I feel their answers so useful for you too, that I have chosen the best ones and put them all together for you in this course you are viewing now.
Just browse over the lesson titles and go to the ones you are interested in. The topics range from the toddler age, through to teenagers, and up to supporting adult parents.
And the best thing is that you don't need to have done any of my other courses to really get the value from this one.
And if you have a specific question on your mind, then ask it in this course and let's make sure you get breakthroughs that lead to happy children!
This course is a resource of questions and answers parents and teachers are sharing to get great breakthroughs with their children.
This introductory lesson is all about the best strategy for you to get the best content in the quickest way possible.
Browse through the lesson titles and find the topics that jump out at you. Go through the lesson and then find another lesson title that interests you.
Whether you have done any of my courses or not, you will can still learn these techniques and strategies.
And ask any question and we may even create a new lesson just for you!
'Time-out' is regularly used by parents and teachers throughout the world. But is it really constructive? Does it really develop your children's values of responsibility, or does it just increase thoughts of revenge and unfairness?
In this lesson, you will see how time-out is an externally-imposed consequence that leaves your child feeling resentful and 'wrong'.
Behaviour modification is best done when the drive to change behaviour comes from an internal motivation and desire to improve.
This lesson shows how to tap into the natural drive of your child to improve their behaviour.
When it comes to bedtime, children can come up with incredibly imaginative ways to keep you by their side. And monsters hiding under the bed is one of them.
And as obvious as it may be to you as the parent that there are no monsters under the bed, and you can prove this to them, they still don't believe you.
So obviously reason and logic is not the solution to this kind of problem.
Ask yourself the following question. "Would you rather spend your time on trying to prove that these things don’t exist, or do you want to spend your time on making sure you can prevent this ongoing pattern from happening again?
This lesson is all about you finding how this problem can be solved, instead of trying to convince your child there is nothing there in the first place.
Understanding the Language-Transition phase will really help you keep your cool when you know your child has heard you, but still doesn't do what you have asked.
This lesson looks at the developmental stages of young children and how their language development is faster than their levels of self discipline and control.
You will also explore the difference between distraction based techniques, and language based techniques, and when to use one, or the other, or both.
You need your children to cooperate with you. And best to learn how to get them to do so before you get really angry with them.
Getting children to sleep in their own beds, and to fall asleep on their own is one of the most frequent topics that comes up between parents.
And although each family has their own theory about this, there are general things you can do to support the implementation of YOUR choice.
The most strategic and intelligent way to resolve this is to find ways to give your child what they are needing, but on your terms, and according to your timeline. So a win-win scenario.
This lesson looks at examples of how you can implement some of these ideas.
As our children develop, so they are learning about their own emotions during this stage. It can really help for a parent to see their role in supporting their children make meaning of these emotions, instead of blaming and accusing their children for having them.
A good example of changing your wording can be seen below:
Instead of saying "You are a bad boy." or "You are wrong."
Label the behavior instead of the person: "That is the wrong behaviour'.
But to make it really powerful, understand that an even better way to say this is to label it as "INAPPROPRIATE" behaviour, instead of bad or wrong.
In my years as a school teacher, I have heard hundreds of parents complain that their children have poor (untidy) handwriting.
And they keep telling me they don't know how to get their children to change this because their children just answer back that they don't need neat handwriting as they will only ever use computers and smart phones.
The key to unlocking this argument is not to deny your child's logic and reason, but to ADD onto it.
This lesson looks at the wording you could use to add to this argument such that a different perspective is seen.
This lesson take a quick look at the skills you can use 'in the moment', and then when you need to speak to them about something they have already done.
And behaviour like hitting and swearing are more like boundaries opposed to just inviting cooperation.
Can you convey this BOUNDARY of respectful language in a way that conveys you are really serious about this boundary but that you are not coming across as threatening them, or disrespectful?
We need to find the way for our children to HEAR us instead of FEAR us.
When a child is hitting, swearing or fighting, I see my role as a teacher and parent as one who SUPPORTS my child in finding alternate ways to express themselves authentically in ways that are still respectful to others, even when angry and upset.
This is the key to develop appropriate behaviour.
Putting a boundary in place is not about "TOUGH LOVE". As a parent it is your right and role to put in place the values and boundaries you believe are important and belong in your home. But how you put that in place is where the magic lies as it will either create a place of conflict, or a place where you all feel respected and working together for ALL of your benefits.
I believe it really important your children get to HEAR and UNDERSTAND the impact their behaviour has on you and on others. But HOW you share this with them is equally important. Without practice and skills, it usually comes out as an angry shout or threat that actually does more damage and undermines the connectedness of the relationship.
If your child keeps nagging you, then you will need to increase your EFFECTIVENESS of your skills in setting boundaries.
Are you a shouter? 88% of parents find themselves shouting at their children and nearly all of them feel guilty afterwards.
When some people get angry they turn this anger inward and go quiet (and the anger burns inside). Other people vent this anger outward, and often this comes out as yelling and shouting.
And although this may be your default experience, you can change this with the skills I cover in this lesson.
Increase your awareness of what triggers you, learn how to express your anger intelligently and appropriately so your children hear you instead of fear you, and then find ways to practice saying this.
Just by knowing WHAT to do instead of yelling will help in over 40% of the yelling situation you find yourself in.
Getting teenagers to listen to your suggestions, your advice and your boundaries is one of the stages of childhood that parents dread the most.
The most important part of dealing with teenagers is the degree to which you can make them feel you are also on their side, EVEN when you put in place your firm boundaries.
The challenge for parents of teenagers is in HOW to assert the authority and control in a way that keeps the teenager feeling she still has autonomy and feels empowered.
When a parent realises that their default parenting style was not really their choice but more of something inherited from their own parents and culture, then new possibilities open up.
But it is not your FAULT for this… you did not choose this as you were growing up.... but now it is your responsibility to do something about it.
Parents are getting angry when children are just not taking responsibility for making things work.
It's a great test of patience when you apply a new skill you have learned, only to find your child throws it back in your face, leaving you feeling depleted and angry.
But don't panic! This is what conscious and intelligent parenting is all about. We begin to expect the unexpected, and learn how to handle all the curve balls so we can continue getting that FLOW back into the family.
This lesson is a great one in how to ABSORB their comments, and then REDIRECT them back to what you are needing.
Is there another way of shouting "STOP!" when you need your child to stop doing something?
You don't have time to sit and think of what to say when there IS NO TIME!
And often, when you really need the wording of the skills, you just can't remember them.
So what do you do to change this, and improve on this?
This lesson answers that parent's question with the words "Wait!" or "Hang on!"
And practicing WITH your child will help both of you integrate a shared understanding of this process.
In this lesson I challenge the stereotype that a parent has to choose between being the GOOD cop, or the BAD cop.
We have been brought up to believe that we can’t put a boundary in place, while still being fully compassionate and caring. We have been taught that we have to be either the good parent, or the bad parent. Choose!
We cannot support our own children in managing, processing and working with their emotions if we have not done this for ourselves first.
In every instance you interact with your children, your own emotions are in action. Your own emotional intelligence will determine your ability to hold the space for your children to process their own emotions.
So when your child throws a tantrum, are you able to support them process those intense emotions, or does it push such a trigger in you that all you can focus on is in trying to stop them from having the tantrum?
One of the most useful skills you can learn as a parent is to focus on sharing what you NEED your child to do instead of telling them what they shouldn't do.
So if your child is hitting out, then instead of saying "Don't hit other people!", you share what you are needing, "We treat people respectfully".
And although this is an incredible step, we also need to support our children in HOW they can express themselves when they are angry.
'Hitting out' is just a form of expressing their anger and frustration.
And as we believe that expressing our feelings is an important part of being human, we need to support our children in finding appropriate ways of doing so.
This lesson takes a look a how you can support your child expressing themselves, even when they are angry.
A child that keeps nagging and whining pushes nearly every parent's buttons.
And it seems that regardless of the issue your child is whining about, what seems to bug the most is the WAY in which they bring it to your attention. When they whine like that it kind of comes from a victim-entitlement attitude.
So what we are wanting is to support our children in speaking 'CLEARLY' to us, so we can actually 'HEAR' what they are saying, and maybe out of that we can support them.
Just telling your child NOT to whine is like putting fuel on a fire... it's counter productive and leaves them feeling like you don't care.
This lesson gives you the exact wording you can say that will get your child to stop whining and move you forward in resolving what is needed.
Your parents' parenting style deeply shaped your character.
And over 78% of adults say they are committed to being a different kind of parent than the parents they had.
But being able to change your parenting style means you need to have clarity and skills on WHAT you are wanting to change it to.
If you just say you wish to go on a nice holiday... that in itself will not get you there. You need to know WHERE the destination is, and then the actual route (or steps needed) to get there.
It's not necessarily going to be easy, but it is going to be worth it.
What to do about the influence of other adults on your child?
This is a question you are guaranteed to ask once you have learned new skills that increase your awareness and ability to get your children to cooperate with you.
When you experience the difference that a few words can have on the well being of your child, then you want other people around you to also use those words.
You have put time and effort into learning an emotional intelligent approach and are committed to providing your child with the best opportunities possible, and then they go to school and your hear the teacher shout, or say things that you trying to avoid.
Or your child goes on play-dates and you can see that the other parents use techniques that are really undermining and dis-empowering.
Does it make sense that over 1 in four divorces are caused by conflicting parenting styles?
So it makes perfect sense to ask the question, “What to do about the influence of other adults on my child?
Separation anxiety impacts over 25% of children going to school. And although the causes for this anxiety are varied, there are many ways to support your child in working with, and through this.
As a pre-school teacher and then a primary school principal, my staff and I found many creative and intelligent ways to help families overcome the heartbreaking challenges of separation anxiety.
The key focus in separation anxiety is in supporting the transference of trust and safety from parent to school. And this will nearly always be done by building the quality of the relationship the child experiences in the school environment.
By increasing a child's sense of belonging and sense of connectedness at school, their willingness to stay at school and explore new challenges increases.
This lesson gives you examples of what to do, and how to empower yourself to do that, in spite of a school that ignores your requests for support. You don't have to wait for the school to sort this out. Take charge and make it happen!
The morning routine provides you with numerous opportunities to practice your skills: from getting children to wake up, get dressed, tidy room, make bed, eat breakfast, say goodbye, get to school and all without fighting with siblings.
Every moment you have the chance to try a new strategy and keep learning to make things work smoothly.
A parent wrote in to our course and shared how she had managed to deal with her 3 year old's tantrum in the morning. What would have taken 20 minutes with angry children only took 3 minutes and they were back on track.
Intelligent parenting is about being able to respond to the different situations that arise, and work with the emotions as they arise. Through this a way forward is found that leaves everyone feeling connected and back on track!
The sudden outburst of anger and shouting can surprise a parent as much as their child.
If often arises from a deep raw emotion and quickly wells up and becomes overwhelming. And it can be incredibly difficult to stop it when you are deep in the heart of it.
In this lesson I share three things that a parent can do in this situations.
Being an emotionally intelligent parent is not about being perfect, or getting it right. It's about being in relationship and working with the challenging situations that arise, leaving everyone feeling empowered and their needs taken to heart.
As I write this, my child is currently being bullied at school. So the things I share in this lesson come from direct experience that produces results.
And the irony is that supporting Cailin (aged 9) is actually the 'easy' part. It is trying to support and handle her mom that is the challenge.
When your child is bullied, such intense emotions arise, often evoking thoughts of wanting to go to school the next year and confront the child yourself.
But now YOU become the bully of a young child. And so the cycle repeats itself.
It takes a lot of emotional intelligence for a parent to apply the skills I teach in this lesson. But if you are able to hold and process your own emotions, you will be able to turn this tragic situation into an incredible learning process that will development the strength and character of your child.
The value of getting a child to do extra homework is not about force feeding them with irrelevant information and time consuming content, but in supporting them in the skills of self discipline, planning, organisational development and perseverance.
But regardless of the REASON as to why your child has extra homework to do, the skills needed to get them to do so can be the same.
We have found that what works best is to focus on the values that underpin the extra work, and not on the actual content of the work.
So if your child has extra MATH to catch up, what we aim to develop (and celebrate), is increasing her self discipline to stay focused, and to persevere, in spite of her being bored and wanting to give up.
These internal values (characteristics) are what support her in being successful in whatever she takes on in life. These values are within her control, and reflect the effort she puts in.
Learn how to tap into this motivational drive and then extra homework becomes easier.
The teenage years can be incredibly confusing for both the child, and for us as parents.
Sometime our teenage children do things that totally boggle our minds, leave us wondering how they can be so 'stupid' or 'unconscious'. Why do they take such big risks... do they know that they can go to jail for life if they did that again?
The parent in this lesson asked me the appropriate way to speak to his teen son who had started missing school classes and didn't show any care that he was now in trouble.
The idea behind this lesson is how to get children to think and process their actions without us risking them shutting down the conversation with "Just leave me alone... you don't understand'.
By coming from a 'space of inquiry' and asking more questions than giving advice, we create a space for our teenagers to think through their actions, and out of this, take greater responsibility.
Often we teach children the "ideal of what we are wanting" and then don't follow through in our own lives and then we send mixed messages to them
So what happens when you ask your child to be polite, and they respond that YOU are not always polite either?
When handled correctly, you can turn what seems like a dead-end trap into an incredible learning moment.
It is the intelligence of you the parent that can transform what seems like a negative situation into an opportunity for value creation and compassion for being human.
Getting children to change their behaviour without negatively impacting that special 'spark' in them is the biggest wish of many parents.
But most parents only know how to change inappropriate behaviour with threats and punishment.
Or in some cases, they use bribes and rewards to carefully manipulate children into taking on new challenges.
One of the greatest advances of our modern intelligent parenting is in discovering the skills that internally motivate our children to step up and take themselves on. We are finding the ways that you can instill the values of self discipline, perseverance and fulfillment.
Our models on STAR charts, or BEHAVIOUR charts, take the advances in modern day life coaching and bring this into the realm of behaviour in children. We see 'working with' children as our methodology opposed to punishment and threats.
This lesson is an exploration into how you can use star charts to create change, and how to leverage off them to deepen the conversations and connections in the family.
If you wish to find out anything more about any of my course, or to access more resources that can support you in being the parent you want to be, then go to my website where you will find loads more free information, videos, interviews, skill integration programmes and discounted links to any of my online courses.
Robin Booth is an international expert in providing emotionally intelligent solutions to everyday parenting challenges. Over the last 15 years he has supported hundreds and thousands of teachers and parents from around the world create breakthroughs in getting their children to cooperate with them.
Internationally he is mostly known for founding the Synergy Schooling Approach. This approach demonstrates how easily personal and academic excellence can be achieved when a teacher uses skills in boosting self esteem and developing the child's internal motivation for success .
Upon experiencing the amazing changes in their children (the children being happier, more cooperative and more confident), these parents asked Robin to share with them these same skills. And now he wants to share these with you!
Robin has an incredibly unique and respectful way of understanding and unlocking the challenges parents face every day. This means you will not have come across many of these skills before.
Due to this success, Robin is often asked to travel to speak at conferences, be interviewed on TV and Radio and run workshops for parents and teachers. He has published books and many other parenting resources.
For the last 8 years, many schools in South Africa include Robin's workshops with FULL attendance by ALL their parents and teachers as they have proven so successful in building self esteem and getting cooperation.
He lives in Cape Town, South Africa, with his family.