It’s happening again. That horrible feeling that your relationship is not what you thought it would be, or worse yet, coming apart. Whether you keep getting into heated arguments, or you have started living parallel, disconnected lives, you know you can’t go on like this forever.
I'm Kathleen Mates-Youngman M.A., Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist / Amazon Best-selling author / National Speaker. I specialize in Couples Therapy, and am passionate about helping couples strengthen their relationship. Everyday, couples come through my office, some feeling only mildly disconnected, some suffering from painful relationship injuries, and others on the verge of divorce. Regardless of the issues, they all benefit greatly from not only the therapeutic process, but from education and guidance about the most important traits for having a successful, connected, and resilient relationship.
I created "Relationship Rescue:10 Steps Before Calling A Therapist," for all couples, healthy or struggling, to have an opportunity to learn and practice these essential, foundational, traits on their own. For some, this may be all they need to get back on track, and for others it will give them a head start before starting work with a couples therapist.
With "Relationship Rescue: 10 steps before calling a Therapist," I will walk you through 10 lessons that will - if you listen with your heart and start to apply them – begin to immediately alleviate your concerns and help you feel more connected. Just by simply watching the introduction you will begin to be able to entertain the possibility that you really can be happier and healthier.
Listen, I want you to know, studies show that on average, couples struggle with relationship issues for 7 years before they finally seek therapy. Let me ask you this, would you let yourself endure any illness for 7 years without medical care? So, why would you let yourself suffer with a broken heart or a lonely relationship for longer than 7 minutes!
If you see the sense in this, take just a few minutes now to review the lesson titles. I’ve made this course simple, yet deep and powerful. So, if you accept this mission, don’t waste another day, month or year! Just click on the first lecture, take a deep breath, and give it a chance!
What you can expect:
As you go through this course, you can expect to learn, one by one, the most important traits of a great relationship. You will learn skills such as; the art of healthy communication, how to conflict without chaos, how to have healthy boundaries, respect, romance, and intimacy, and how to define, prevent and repair from infidelity.
The lectures are about 10 minutes long, and you can watch all 10 at one time, but I suggest you watch one a day or week so that you can really process the information. At the end of each lecture I have included a downloadable resource that offers a few intentions to practice, followed by several questions to ask each other about the topic. By having this conversation you will learn more about yourself, each other, and how to make your relationship all that you want it to be!
The really great thing is that you have these short lectures in your library forever, to refer to whenever you need a relationship tune-up! So give each other a hug, click on lecture 1, and be open to learning and growing together!
As a Couples Therapist, who has also been married for 31 years, I know how complicated and challenging relationships can be. There is no instruction manual for becoming a great partner and creating a healthy, successful relationship. Falling in love seems to happen so naturally and organically, but over time the rose-colored glasses fade, and life interferes with our cozy relationship cocoon. I wrote this course to help anyone who wants to learn the key ingredients to a wonderful relationship. In this lecture, you will meet me in my private practice office, hear a description of the course, and receive your invitation to embark upon this relationship-changing journey!
The number one complaint I hear from the couples is that they have difficulty communicating. Generally, this means that a lot is being said, but neither feels heard of understood. In this lecture, students will learn how to send and receive messages clearly, so that regardless of whether or not you agree on things, you each feel heard, validated and respected.
All couples conflict. What matters though, is whether they can have conflicts and challenges that are resolved, or whether the conflict leads to destructiveness in the relationship. In this lecture, students will learn how to have conflicts while remaining caring and respectful, so that they can be open, honest, learn from each other, make changes, and grow stronger and closer.
So much of working through conflicts relies upon the ability to repair afterward. Without repair, feelings remain hurt, resentment can grow, and connection can be severed. In this lecture, students will learn to regroup and reconnect after challenges and conflicts, so that they can still feel they are on the same team, have each others backs, and can move on together.
Without healthy boundaries, it is easy to lose yourself, to lose the closeness and passion between you and your partner, and to lose the ability to have healthy expectations in your relationship. In this lecture, students will learn how to create healthy boundaries for themselves, their relationship, and their extended family, so they can have a trusting, transparent, and faithful relationship.
Relationships are challenging, and it is all too easy for couples to became critical and disrespectful when things are difficult. The problem is, once you feel disrespected you don't feel that it is safe to be yourself with your partner. In this lecture, students will learn the very subtle behaviors that convey disrespect, how to recognize when they are going down that slippery slope, and how to reign themselves in and remember how important they are to each other.
Infidelity is extremely destructive to relationships. Falling in love and being in a relationship requires a great deal of vulnerability, and when we are betrayed we no longer feel emotionally safe or special. In this lecture, students will gain a clear understanding of how to define infidelity and how to have clear rules and expectations in their relationship.
As painful as infidelity is, couples can work through the pain and repair their relationship. The process of repair is a very delicate one, that requires patience, openness, and courage. In this lecture, students will learn the necessary feelings, conversations, and behaviors for repairing from infidelity, whether sexual, emotional, financial, or any other number of betrayals.
Although there is no absolute method for preventing infidelity, couples can create a relationship culture that protects them from vulnerability to betrayal. As with personal health, relationship health requires a cognizant effort to do the things that keep it strong and secure. In this lecture, students will learn the key traits and attitudes for preventing infidelity, and honoring the emotional and verbal agreements in the relationship.
We make friends throughout our lives and value the richness that they bring to our lives. Unfortunately, all too often couples treat each other with less care and respect than they do their friends, which begins to corrode the connection in the relationship. In this lecture, students will learn how to nurture the crucial foundation of friendship, in order to create the pathway to a successful, resilient, relationship.
Feeling like two ships passing in the night is no way to live your relationship. Ideally, regardless of how busy life gets, we should not feel alone, but instead emotionally tethered to each other. In this lecture, students will learn the ways to create healthy connection in their relationship, while also managing all that life involves .
Like any other accomplishment in life, relationships require energy and effort. It's very easy to take each other for granted and put the relationship on the back burner, but eventually it becomes depleted. In this lecture, students will learn how to create a relationship savings account that will allow them to tolerate "rainy days' in the relationship, and remain solid and strong!
Sexual intimacy takes very little effort when a relationship is new and exciting! Unfortunately, novelty ends, life gets busy, and very often couples report that it just begins to sounds like too much work! It does remain though, a very important part of a healthy, connected relationship, so what are couples to do?! In this lecture, students will learn a healthy perspective on sexuality, and how to move through their resistance, in order to improve passion and longing in their relationship.
Having passion, goals, and dreams, makes life and relationships more meaningful and purposeful. Couples who value each others dreams and create shared ones as well, feel closer and like more of a team. In some cases, one partner might feel stuck in life, and it is actually the other that highlights their strengths for them and encourages them to follow a dream! In this lecture, students will learn the importance of supporting each other's goals and creating a bond of shared dreams.
Truly great relationships are the result of consistent attention, care, and nurturing. Like anything else that helps to sustain us, it has a life of its own. If we ignore it and leave it in the dark, without water or nutrients, it will dry up and fade away. In this lecture, students will be given a checklist for a solid relationship maintenance plan and encouraged to revisit the list for regular relationship tune-ups!
Kathleen Mates-Youngman M.A., is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist/Amazon Best-Selling Author/National Speaker. She was born in Canada, where she studied Fashion Design and Fine Art. In 1982, she moved to California, worked as a Fashion Designer and Fine Artist for a number of years, until she took time off to raise her three children. She lives with her husband of 31 years in Orange County, California, and they have 3 wonderful adult children!
In 1996 Kathleen returned to University, graduating Summa Cum Laude with a B.A. in Psychology. She then we on to graduate with Honors with a M.A. in Psychology / Marriage & Family Therapy.
Since then, Kathleen has had a very successful Private Practice in Orange County, California, specializing in Couples Therapy. Her first book, "Couples Therapy Workbook: 30 Guided Conversations To Re-Connect Relationships," was published by Pesi Inc., and has been an Amazon Best-Seller since its release in 2014. Pesi inc. then published her "Love & Connection Cards," and in 2015, she self-published, "Today I Will: 100 Daily Commitments For Couples."
Kathleen also speaks nationally to other Clinicians, teaching her approach to Couples Therapy, as well as speaking to Graduate Psychology students, Entrepreneurs, and Couples.
Kathleen is passionate about helping couples learn and implement the research-based traits for heathy, successful, connected relationships. Through her work with couples in private practice, her books, and her seminars, she continues to share her expertise and help couples create connected, passionate, meaningful relationships!