Positive Parenting - Dealing with Power Struggles

"No I Won't and You Can't Make Me!"
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  • Lectures 33
  • Length 1.5 hours
  • Skill Level All Levels
  • Languages English
  • Includes Lifetime access
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    Available on iOS and Android
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About This Course

Published 8/2016 English

Course Description

Are you here to learn from an expert?  Debbie Godfrey has 24 years of experience working with thousands of parents of kids of all ages, from toddlers to teenagers.  She has been teaching parents full time for over 22 years through her business, Positive Parenting.  Debbie is known for her humor and compassion working with concerned parents.  She also quickly gets to the reason your kids are misbehaving and knows exactly what you can do about it!  In this course, you will learn about Power Struggles.  

Here is what a few participants had to say about this video class series:

"I was able to start using knowledge as soon as my son came home from preschool and we had the best night we've had in a long time."

"First class information on a crucial topic. Very helpful for parenting little or older kids..."

"Good advice and tips how to actually resolve the situation."

"Very helpful...new points of view.... I think about our relationships with my son...I learned a lot about preventing power struggling .... thank you so much..."

In this fun and engaging course you will learn:

  • What we do that makes us be ineffective, lose our child’s respect, and have them tune us out
  • Questions to ask yourself in the midst of a power struggle that work like magic
  • The cure for “parent deafness” in children
  • Ways to develop self-motivation
  • How to minimize the hassles, tantrums, and tears
  • An approach to feel calmer and experience more joy in parenting

These videos are fun demonstrations -- NOT boring lectures.  You will learn through these exercises how to respond when a child is screaming for a cookie or a toddler won't stay in bed.  Also includes solutions on how to get your child to take out the trash (without having to ask), and other real-life examples of your common power struggles.

What are the requirements?

  • Everything you need is contained in this course. You just need a child or a childish adult to practice!

What am I going to get from this course?

  • Understand why kids misbehave
  • Identify a power struggle vs. other types of misbehavior
  • Effectively stop a power struggle with a child using one of the eight ways you will learn to get out of power struggles
  • Choose any of eleven ways you will learn to prevent future power struggles
  • Use the most important tool a parent has to prevent all types of misbehavior in your kids, including power struggles

Who is the target audience?

  • Parents expecting or having children of any age, from toddlers to teens
  • Step-parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, Nannies, Babysitters
  • Teachers, Counselors, Nurses, Social Workers, or anyone who interacts with children

What you get with this course?

Not for you? No problem.
30 day money back guarantee.

Forever yours.
Lifetime access.

Learn on the go.
Desktop, iOS and Android.

Get rewarded.
Certificate of completion.


Section 1: Introduction

In this video you will see an example of a common power struggle.  I will also share a brief overview of who gets into power struggles.  And finally, what you will learn about power struggles and with whom these ideas will work.


In this lecture you will learn:

  1. Some of the problems I address in classes, such as sibling rivalry, yelling, kids driving you crazy, and power struggles.
  2. Why I teach parenting classes

Section 2: Getting Their Needs Met

This handout is for reference for the first 11 lectures.  It includes:

  • Why kids Misbehave
  • Mistaken Goal Chart
  • Ideas for all power struggles

You will learn 6 needs all children have when they are born.  You will also learn how getting these needs met (or not) will affect your child's behavior.

You will also learn the 4 mistaken goals when a child is discouraged from getting these needs met.


In this lecture I will use a parent volunteer to help you learn how to identify the Mistaken Goals which are:

  • Attention
  • Power
  • Revenge
  • Avoidance

For each goal, you will be shown:

  • The identifying feeling associated with each goal
  • The child's mistaken belief about getting their needs met

2 questions

Let's see how much you remember about your children's needs and the 4 mistaken goals.

Section 3: General Tips for Dealing with All Power Struggles

In this lecture parents will learn one of the ways we respond do that makes us be ineffective, lose our child’s respect, and have them tune us out.  You will also learn the first step to get out of a power struggle.  It's not the only step, but its ALWAYS the first step.


In this video you will learn:

  • How young a child is and what you may do that teaches them that it's fun to fight with you.  
  • A great way to prevent them from thinking that it's fun to oppose you. 
  • The question to ask to achieve the best possible discipline tool in the moment to prevent the power struggle.

In this article you will learn more clearly about preventing the joy off opposing by using the tool, " respond like a broken record". 


In his lecture you will learn the 3 parenting styles and how they interact with a child in he goal of power.  The 3 examples are:

  • Parent as Drill Sargent (too firm)
  • Parent as Helicopter Rescue Pilot (too kind)
  • Parent as Consultant (kind and firm)

You will learn, through an exercise with a parent volunteer, how the child feels and reacts to each of these parenting styles.


In this lecture you are asked to think of 3 areas that you power struggle with your children.  Some common areas are:

  • Bedtime
  • Homework
  • Meal Time
  • Brushing teeth

You will want to keep these power struggles in mind as you go through the rest of the videos so you can practically apply the tools you are learning to your particular power struggles.


This article will help you design a bedtime routine that works.

Section 4: 8 Ways To Get Out of Power Struggles

This is your handout listing the 8 ways to get out of a power struggle.


In this lecture you will learn what happens when you yell at your child or ask her to take out the trash over and over.  With the parent volunteer, you will see the results of the "ineffective" way to handle this situation. 

You will then learn a much better alternative to get your child to take out the trash without yelling or asking repeatedly.


In this lecture, I will teach you the question to ask yourself to get out of a power struggle.

This idea will also solve the underlying reason for the power struggle.


In this lecture you will learn:

  1. What happens to most people when they said no to their parents growing up.
  2. The results of children not being allowed to say no.
  3. Why you should teach your children to be able to say no respectfully
  4. How to train them to say no respectfully

This article will provide you with more example of how and why to teach your child to say no respectfully.


In this lecture you will learn the guidelines for successfully offering your child choices to get out of a power struggle.


This article gives you 5 creative ways to offer your child choices.


This is the idea I use to get out of a power struggle that I think I may lose.


In this lecture you will learn how and when to choose win-win negotiation to get out of a power struggle with a child.

I will teach you the words to use to best set up a win-win scenario that works to get out of a power struggle.


In this lecture you will learn a tool to help you get out of a power struggle.  Letting go of your position does not mean the child gets his way.  


This is a fun tool to get out of a power struggle.  However, it takes some forethought to set it up.

Section 5: 11 Ways To Prevent Power Struggles

This is your handout listing the 11 way to prevent power struggles.


In this lecture you will learn how and why talking less is an effective strategy to prevent power struggles.


Learn my FAVORITE tool of all time to prevent a power struggle and the examples of how I successfully used it with my kids.


Here are 2 more ways to prevent a power struggle:

  1. Be firm and Kind and Follow Through
  2. Say "no" in a friendly way

I also share a fun story of how I taught my kids I mean what I say!


This is a handout that gives you 16 ways to tell your child no.


What can you do if your child is yelling, "I Want A Cookie!" right before dinner?


Here are 2 more practical tools to prevent power struggles.


Here are 3 important tools to prevent power struggles from happening in the first place.


This is my favorite parenting tool of all time to prevent ALL misbehavior in kids, not just, but definitely including power struggles.

Section 6: Wrap Up

This is my favorite article about power Struggles. It will go into more detail about 8 of the concepts you learned in this video series.


What did you learn?

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Instructor Biography

Debbie Godfrey, Positive Parenting

Hello, welcome to my Udemy Biography page! My name is Debbie Godfrey.  I am a certified Parent Educator and have over 24 years of expertise in the parenting education field.  Through my business Positive Parenting, I teach the Redirecting Children’s Behavior parenting skills class and the Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom training in schools and community centers around the world.  In 2013, I began teaching my classes and workshops via teleconferences and webinars, so I now have parents participating from all over the globe.  Most recently I conducted parenting workshops for Google employees in France, the UK, and IMEA via Google Hangouts.

I have served many organizations, including C.A.A.N. (Child Abuse and Neglect), Casa Pacifica, Conejo Valley Substance Abuse Prevention Authority, Child Development Resources of Ventura County, the California State Foster Parent Association, Southern California Mothers of Twins, the Ventura County Wellness Program, and the Oxnard and Ventura School Districts. In April, 2007, I conducted teacher trainings at eight schools during a 30-day period in five states across India.  I also taught eight parent education workshops in Beijing, China during a 2-week period in February 2008.  I am the past director of Foster & Kinship Care Education at Ventura College and the regional Instructor Trainer for the Redirecting Children’s Behavior curriculum for the International Network For Children and Families. I am a member of and have sat on the board of the Ventura County Partnership for Safe Families.  I am known for my humor and compassion while teaching behavior and discipline tools that work at home and in the classroom.

This is a partial list of groups, clubs, and organizations I have served in parenting classes and teacher training:             

Google France and Google UK

Ventura County Foster Parents Association

Ventura County SARB (Student Attendance Review Board) *training for 50 school principals

Ventura County Partnership for Safe Families

California Mothers of Multiples

California State Foster Parents Association

Office of the Chancellor, State of California

Southern California Mothers of Twins Club

Moms Clubs of Camarillo, Thousand Oaks and Simi Valley

Ojai Valley Neighborhood for Learning

Mupu School District  - *Provided Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom for teachers, staff, and principal

Ventura Unified School District - *Regular teacher in-service trainings

Oxnard Unified School District - *Redirecting for a Cooperative Classroom for teachers with extreme discipline problems in the classroom

Conejo Valley Unified School District

Oak Grove Private School - *Teacher in-service training

Tutor Time

National Association for the Education of Young Children - *Presented for teachers and staff

Casa Pacifica Residential Treatment Program - *in-service training for program staff and teachers

Ventura County Public Health – WIC Program - *in-service training for Public Health Nurses

Ventura County Public Health – National Pilot Study on Preventing Childhood Obesity

Pacific Sociological Association

California Sociological Association

Welham Boys, Welham Girls and The Doon School, Deradun, India -*Presented for teachers & principals

Sanskriti School, New Delhi, India-*Presented for teachers & principals

Vidya Devi, Hisar, India-*Presented for teachers & principals

Johnson Grammar School, Hyderbad, India-*Presented for teachers & principals

Mody School, Rajasthan, India-*Presented for teachers & principals The Learning Center, Beijing, China

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