How to be a Stepmom
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How to be a Stepmom

51 ways to save your marriage, your shirt, and your sanity
4.3 (4 ratings)
Instead of using a simple lifetime average, Udemy calculates a course's star rating by considering a number of different factors such as the number of ratings, the age of ratings, and the likelihood of fraudulent ratings.
524 students enrolled
Last updated 11/2013
Current price: $10 Original price: $20 Discount: 50% off
5 hours left at this price!
30-Day Money-Back Guarantee
  • 1.5 hours on-demand video
  • 1 Supplemental Resource
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
What Will I Learn?
  • By the end of this course, you will know 51 ways to save your marriage, your shirt, and your sanity
View Curriculum
  • The desire to build a stress-free life as a stepmom

Are you a new stepmom, about to become a stepmom, or are an old hand at stepmothering but still find yourself angry, bewildered, shut-out, blamed, spent, abused, and wondering what, if anything, you did wrong? If so, this course is for YOU. Taught by 21-year stepmom veteran, Kathy Hammond, author of the award-winning book, The Road to Nē: A remarkable little tale about getting what you want by giving up just one little thing, and President of Reach! Life Design, Inc., a life strategy company, this course offers up some best-practice tips for new and tenured stepmoms who struggle in this very unique role.

Finally, help for stepmoms.

Parenting classes abound for bio moms and dads but when it comes to stepmothering, typically, you're on your own. Your education usually comes after years or even decades of navigating the tricky waters of stepmotherhood. Unfortunately, by then, many stepmoms are ready to throw in the towel. With wit, humor, and, in some cases, complete and total seriousness (although, thankfully, not too often), Kathy illuminates some of the potholes you may encounter in your marriage to a man with children and offers ways to avoid these potholes or, if you're already stuck in one, some good ways to get out.

The ‘How to be a Stepmom: 51 Ways to Save Your Marriage, Your Shirt, and Your Sanity’ course will save you years of agony, despair, heartache, frustration, and money; in fact, it could save you BIG money if your intended/husband and his ex tend to resolve their issues before a judge. Over the course of 13 lectures and 51 powerful lessons, completed at your own pace, you will learn:

  • How a little bit of empathy and thoughtful counsel can potentially minimize or eliminate your husband’s court appearances
  • How to keep your personal financial information private and shielded from any child support legal actions
  • How reading your fiancé’s visitation and support orders before the nuptials can save you a lot of frustration down the road
  • The best way to handle your husband’s legal tussles and potentially save thousands of dollars in legal missteps
  • How one simple act may keep your husband out of court for child support increases and save you thousands, if not tens of thousands, in legal fees
  • The best way to guide your husband in managing his attorney and their invoices for maximum results in child support/custody issues
  • What your husband can and should expect from an attorney in child support/custody/visitation issues
  • How to deal with your stepkids’ maternal relatives, even when they are unpleasant
  • What to do about your in-law’s allegiance to the “ex” and kids versus you or your husband
  • How to handle stepkid discipline so you will always been seen as the good guy
  • What to watch for with your fiancé and his kids before you get married
  • How the ex’s life choices can impact your life
  • The best ways to deal with a contentious, combative, and demanding ex-wife
  • The best ways to deal with disrespectful stepkids
  • How little time exchanges with the kids can strengthen your husband’s case for a custody change or reduction in child support
  • How keeping a calendar can alter the trajectory of an ex’s frequent visitation changes
  • Why discussing inheritance issues early on can save everyone a lot of heartache later on
  • And so much more

After you have completed the course, you will feel more in control, objective, centered, assured, and, maybe (fingers-crossed), at peace. If not, simply request your money back within 30 days. Although stepmothering may not be that simple, getting your money back is.

BONUS: Students receive The Ultimate Visitation/Time-Sharing Calendar template to keep track of the children's visits. This is a must-have if the ex believes a court-ordered visitation schedule is merely a "suggestion". Calendar template available in-course.

Second Bonus: Students also receive 50% off R.E.A.C.H. to Design Your Life course on Udemy, also by Kathy Hammond. Coupon available in-course.

Who is the target audience?
  • Will-be stepmoms, new stepmoms, tenured stepmoms, and anyone interested in knowing what stepmotherhood is really all about
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Curriculum For This Course
14 Lectures
Welcome, Stepmoms!
1 Lecture 04:04

Welcome, stepmoms and stepmoms-to-be. This is the first course on Udemy exclusively for stepmoms and will-be stepmoms to learn best practice tips to save your marriage, your shirt, and your sanity - all three very important things.

I am your instructor, Kathy Hammond, and I am a stepmom to, now, two young men. I have seen and been through it all - beginning when my stepsons were 3 and 4 until now as they are in their 20's. It's been a heck of a journey and along the way I learned things I wish someone had told me at the start to have made my journey a little smoother. These are the things I wish to share with you should you encounter difficult or confusing situations in stepmotherhood so you may approach things differently and, as a result, have a greater stepmom experience.

If you're ready, let's begin ...

Preview 04:04
The Nitty Gritty of Stepmotherhood
11 Lectures 01:17:32

Can you think of any other subject that gets more attention than money in post-divorce situations? This lecture covers what every stepmom needs to know about:

- How to handle child support/alimony payments

- What to do when hubby complains about child support/alimony

- What you should not say to the ex about child support/alimony

- How to protect your financial privacy from the ex

- What you should do if/when hubby is sued by the ex for more child support

- The ONE thing you should encourage hubby to do to minimize/eliminate legal action for increases in child support

This lecture provides a framework for you to gain or have peace should child support be a sticky issue in your marriage.

Preview 08:44

This lecture contains The Ultimate Visitation/Time-Sharing Calendar for download.

It may be difficult to believe that legal arrangements, e.g., for visitation and support issues, between two other people can have such an impact on your life but it may be true when you marry a man with children who is under court orders. Unlike the nuts-and-bolts of dealing with lawyers (Lecture 4), this lecture offers practical tips on:

- Examining existing visitation and support agreements before you commit

- Reviewing legal documents before hubby signs so you aren't surprised later

- Very effective way to handle missed visits with the kids

- What to do if custody arrangements change (kids do have a mind of their own sometimes!)

- Your role in supporting hubby in court

- What to do if the ex deposes you

- Support/alimony record keeping

- How you should respond when unflattering things are written about you in court pleadings

If you listen to no other lecture in this course, listen to this one as it could save you thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars, and, perhaps, a lot of anger and frustration in the future.

Legal stuff that affects you

I preface this lecture with: I don't mean the title of this lecture literally but many people believe that once they hire an attorney, their troubles may soon be over. This is not always the case. As in every profession, there are good and bad attorneys and it can become an expensive proposition when a bad attorney drags out a case, is not familiar with state laws pertaining to child support/custody (and, believe me, there are attorneys who will accept a family court matter without having much experience), or is so scattered they can't keep track of the facts pertaining to your case.

With the average cost of a child custody battle ranging from $5,000-$35,000, and, in more complex cases, $50,000 or more, should this ever become or is an event in your life, you and hubby need tools and information to curb legal fees and get the necessary result. When you and hubby are paying large amounts of cash to a lawyer, there are certain things your hubby can and should demand and this lecture is designed to help you understand how your hubby should manage his relationship with his attorney. In fact, this might be one lecture you will want hubby to participate.

You will learn:

- The nature of your hubby's relationship with attorneys in family court proceedings

- The attorney's primary responsibility on behalf of your hubby

- What your hubby should do if he is not seeing results

- How "strategy" must be at the core of your hubby's case

- How to curb, upfront, an attorney's spending of your and hubby's money

- Determining if your hubby even needs an attorney in family court proceedings

- The importance of scrutinizing attorney invoices

Preview 05:34

Ah, in-laws. If you're married, you surely have at least one or two. But when it comes to stepkids, you soon discover other "family" members with whom you may also become acquainted, namely, the ex's family. This could mean the ex's parents, the ex's aunts and uncles, and sundry other relatives. Well, this lecture tackles the issues of in-law and other "family" member relationships and what you need to know about and how to handle:

- Your in-law's allegiance to the ex and your stepkids

- Your in-laws siding with the stepkids/the ex against your hubby

- How to interact with those other "family" members

- How to respond if treated disrespectfully by the ex's family

- When to expect disrespectful behavior from the ex's family

In-laws and other "family"

Ask any bio parent if a stepparent should be permitted to discipline their child and chances are they would give a resounding, 'NO!" Heck, even Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil are in agreement on this. Yet, how many times have you seen a bio parent relegate discipline of their kids to their spouse, the stepparent? I've seen it quite a few times and in this lecture you will learn my personal opinion on this very touchy subject and what you might consider doing when the kiddies step out of line. Now, keep in mind that what is presented in this lecture is to ensure the continued sanity and peace of you, the stepmom, and not a plan to reign in out-of-control kids.

You will learn:

- The pros of leaving discipline up to the parent(s)

- The only part you may want to play when kids need discipline

- How to stay the 'good guy' and avoid flack from your spouse and his ex

- If not yet married, what you really need to pay attention to before you tie the knot

- And why abandoning the crazy notion that people change after the 'I do's" will save you lots of heartache

Disciplining stepkids

Not so vicariously, unfortunately, I lived through my husband's five court-sanctioned visitation changes and four contempt motions for visitation violations (the ex's, not my husband's) and, boy, did I learn a few things - things that can make your life as a stepmom much better if visitation/time-sharing with the stepkids is a problem in your home. In this lecture, you will learn:

- The first thing you need to do when contemplating marriage to a man with kids

- Visitation schedules can and often do change

- The best way for you to behave around stepkids (Note: I anticipate receiving some backlash about this lesson but I assure you that everything I offer is really for your own good.)

- Why keeping track of when the stepkids are with you may allow your hubby to reduce child support


Unlike Lecture 6 on disciplining stepkids, where the infractions requiring discipline may be a stepkid's refusal to take out the trash or battles it out with siblings, this lecture is about dealing with stepkids' bad attitudes. When I say "bad attitudes", I am referring to a stepkid who feels entitled (when they are not), may be insolent or disrespectful, and is generally dismissive or inconsiderate of you. In this lecture, you will learn:

- Why it is not prudent to join the stepkids' parents in the stepkids' entitlement parade

- What you should do about a stepkid who is failing school or performing poorly in school

- How to react when a stepkid does not acknowledge your special occasions

- Why trying to improve a bad situation may result in you being blamed for the stepkids' bad attitudes and what to do so this won't be an issue

When stepkids misbehave

You're still here? I am impressed.

This lecture is about your hubby's relationship with the kids and I will give you some really good tips to keep you sane and centered should your hubby not have the greatest of relationships with his kids. The lessons in this lecture are short but powerful and place the onus of responsibility for Dad and Kid's relationship where it belongs. You will learn:

- What you should and should not do when hubby's relationship is not so good with his kids

- Why everything is not your responsibility (nor should it be)

- Why you cannot fix everything (see above)

- What to do when it is not your responsibility, you cannot fix everything, and are still blamed for bad relationships

Dad's relationship with the kids

If this subject elicits an uneasy feeling, look at the bright side: If you're thinking about this, that means you are committed to your marriage for the long haul. Some may not be happy about that and if that is the case, you will definitely want to listen to this lecture. You will learn:

- The best time to discuss this subject with your hubby

- If and who should speak with the stepkids about inheritance

- Leaving all or part of your estate to abusive stepkids

- What to do about your guilt if not leaving anything to stepkids

- What to consider before disinheriting a stepkid


And then there are a host of other tips that just don't seem to fit into aforementioned categories but is information you will definitely want to know. This includes:

- Why it may be unrealistic to believe the stepkids will be happy once Dad remarries

- How to handle stepkid sabotage of your marriage

- Why keeping things on a first name basis with the stepkids is the prudent course

- How badmouthing the stepkids' mom will backfire

- How to handle different religions in your stepfamily

- Cutting stepkids some slack when they get things wrong in your house

- What to do when stepkids forget (or ignore) you on Mother's Day

More really important but miscellaneous challenges

This is the self-indulgent part you have all been waiting for - tips on what to do when the ex is not your BFF. In this lecture, you will learn:

- Why doing something you don't want to do just so the ex will realize her errant ways and change her behavior is probably pretty fruitless

- Why some ex's just like to keep things stirred up and will allege all kinds of wild things about your hubby

- Why revenge is a dish best served cold (OK, I admit, I am not always restrained and sometimes, you should not be either.)

Dealing with the ex
Course Summary
1 Lecture 12:13

If you are here, that means you made it to the end and, hopefully, along the way, you learned some valuable lessons on how to be a stepmom. Please download the complete list of the 51 Ways discussed in this course. Keep it handy as you traverse stepmotherhood as you never know when one or more of these tips will save your marriage, your shirt, or your sanity.

Thanks. And happy stepmothering.

Special savings: 50% off for Stepmoms

R.E.A.C.H. to Design Your Life - Create a foolproof blueprint for the life you want. Click on link below to access course information.

R.E.A.C.H. to Design Your Life (Stepmoms)

Wrapping it all up

If you are not completely frazzled or disillusioned by this point, this quiz may make you that way. We will test here what you learned about how to be a stepmom so you can save your marriage, your shirt, and your sanity.

Check what you learned
31 questions
Kathy Hammond's Book
1 Lecture 00:00

If there is one thing you need to give up to achieve what you want, you will learn this in my book, The Road to Nē: A remarkable little tale about getting what you want by giving up just one little thing.

Award winner at 2013 Paris, New York, and Great Southwest Book Festivals

The Road to Nē
1 page
About the Instructor
Kathy Hammond, M.A.
4.2 Average rating
7 Reviews
1,707 Students
2 Courses
Author, President of Reach! Life Design, Inc.

Award winning author, speaker, and President of Reach! Life Design, Inc.

Hi, I'm Kathy Hammond and I want to help you design the life you want.

I have spent more than two decades as a business development executive and coach (although, I am loathe to use that term as it means I am on the sidelines when I am also in the game) and have been a featured speaker in South Africa and the US on personal and professional development as well as authoring numerous publications on goal setting, motivation, and workforce development. My first book, The Road to Nē, an allegory on goal setting and attainment, was published last year and is the recipient of three awards. I hold a M.A. in Organizational Management, studied Human Performance Improvement through the American Society for Training and Development (ASTD), studied business coaching at the International Federation of Professional Coaches and Speakers (South Africa), and am a certified Corporate Speaker (International Association of Corporate Speakers).

Throughout all of this, I discovered people are able to be and accomplish much more than they thought they could and can acquire the mindset and skills necessary to achieve any goal. And I mean, any goal. My purpose is to give you the tools and confidence to achieve a life that is beyond your imagination through the R.E.A.C.H. method, a no-holds-barred approach to unleashing your power.