Don't wait! It is time to get an amazing man ad be happy with him! Enjoy the program!
Quite often I hear women complain that they just can't meet the one. They fall for the wrong kind of men (playboys, cheaters, emotionally unavailable, etc). Many have been troubled by the perceived emotional irresponsibility of their partner. Many have experienced heartbreaks. In most cases we complain about men being the fault of our unhappiness, we position ourselves as victims and give the power away and see the wrong "out there".
"When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you."Jesus
Isn't it fascinating that we get attracted to the same kind of men and repeat the same mistakes?
This is the first key. There are many different men out there. There are amazing, kind and loving ones too. You just get attracted subconsciously to the wrong kind.
To see the world in a different light and get different results in dating and relationships, you need to change your patterns. The success or failure of your relationship is in your hands. The desired change must start from you: you need to change your patterns, mentality and your attitude. Be the reflection of your desired man.
This book is a complete guide to your transformation in the area of dating and relationship. Based on life experiences we make up stories about men and those stories work as self-fulfilling prophecies. If you had an experience with cheaters and made up a story in your mind that "all the men are cheaters" as soon as you meet a man who has cheating tendencies you subconsciously get attracted to him.
“What you focus on expands. So focus on what you want, not what you do not want.” - Esther Jon-Charles
"What you resist persists." - C. Jung
Let's have a mini-experiment. Wherever you are right now, look around and find as many blue objects as you can and count them. You have 5 seconds to do it.
How many brown objects did you notice when you were focusing on blue? You probably didn't notice any because you were focusing on blue.
This process is applicable to your dating life. When you have a negative belief that all the men are _______ (fill in the blank), that's all you'll find. We create stories based on our past experiences. In this book, I will help you let go of your past and all the limiting beliefs/stories you have about yourself and men. It's important to let them go because they shape your life and experiences.
The change comes from within. If you don’t want to battle with regrets, sorrows and anguish in your relationship in the coming years, now is the right time to take full responsibility over your transformation and your dating life.
An inquiry into men' psychology would also be made. There are differences between men and women in the way we perceive relationships and fall in love. You need to understand men' psychology, to develop passion, love and loyalty in your relationship.
In chapter three, I will focus on you becoming a genuinely interesting and amazing person, as true beauty lies within. However, it is still important to be feminine, playful and attractive and use a bit of seduction. I'll give some lessons on that too.
Effective communication is the breath and soul of every successful relationship. As such, one of the chapters in this book is dedicated to a critical dissection of good Communication and Social Skills. The chapter examines the roles of communication in building, mending and sustaining your relationship, and some basic practical ways to improve your communication skills. I'll share an easy formula that would help build your confidence, get into the psychology of your lover, and have a fascinating conversation.
To meet the one, it is important that you become the person that is ready for that special relationship, become the one who shines from within and radiates happiness. Ask yourself, what your reason is to find the one. If it is to be happy, does that mean you are unhappy as you are right now? When you go into a relationship to get something out of it, it doesn't feel authentic to your partner. In this case, you are trying to get into a relationship to get your psychological need of being happy met, so it is about you. To be truly happy consider switching your attitude to what you can give, learn how to be happy now and share it with your partner. If you want to complete somebody else, you need to be whole and complete.
Many women make a mistake of making their men their "everything" in life and give up on other areas like passion, interests, fitness, social life, career, etc. Balance is very important for your well-being. Women are the most attractive when they live interesting lives, have passion career and exciting hobbies. If your life suck right now and not much is going on, when you meet the one you will most likely make him "everything" for you.
If you think of a pie that has 8 pieces, each piece is dedicated to a certain area of your life (family, social life, fitness, career, financial, spiritual, personal growth, etc.). This is a pie of a happy and fulfilled woman. Some women make the whole pie about their men. This makes one possessive and jealous because if she loses him, she loses everything and becomes miserable. Have balance in your life, all pieces of a pie are equally important, have passion, hobbies, great friends, great body and financial freedom.
This book covers important topics such as: tricks and tips on how to live an adventurous life, what to do and not to do on the first date, your values, standards, what actions to take to meet the right man and how to form a happy and fulfilling relationship.
I will give you practical exercises after every chapter and if you do all of them, I am certain that you will meet your soul mate and form amazing relationship with him. However, if you complete all the exercises in this book and they still didn't help, I will coach you for one month for free (value of $1,000). 98% of my students have given credence to the workability of my methods having done all the exercises the way they are designed.
Now take a moment and see where you are at in the area of dating and relationship. Are you happy with the results you are getting? If you don't discover how to take new actions now it is unlikely that something will change and most probably life will remain the same. Life goes by in a blink of an eye. Yesterday you were 18, tomorrow you are 40 and you don't even know how you got there so fast. We live only once. It is time to take a different action now so that to enjoy a happy relationship until the end of your life.
"Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - A. Einstein
“The future depends on what you do today” - Mahatma Gandhi
"Action is the foundational key to all success" - Pablo Picasso
"The time for action is now. It's never too late to do something" - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
If you are mired in the past, holding onto a former love that has moved on, or become stuck in an endless cycle of loneliness; you may be hanging around in the graveyard of your past. It's time to take off your funeral clothes, live in the present and look forward to your glorious future.
“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” - Steve Maraboli
"Inner peace can be reached only when we practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is letting go of the past, and is therefore the means for correcting our misconceptions." - Gerald Jampolsky
Our past holds us back from living the life that we want. How do we keep bringing the past into the future? Why do we repeat the same mistakes over and over again? Why do we fall for the same type of men (cold, cheaters or emotionally unavailable men)? Believe it or not, all of these questions have answers. Once you uncover the root of these problems, you are ready for a fresh, new start.
The unalterable past exists in our heads. We repeat thoughts about what happened, especially painful experiences. We do this while wishing that things were different and regretting that you haven't done something you should have. All of us have a history and often it gets in the way if we let it. If we had a bad experience with a relationship, then this memory will come up and create a fear that you might encounter exactly the same experience as before.
A number of years ago the NSF estimated that our brains produce as many as 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts per day. Around 90% of those thoughts are repetitive, they arise from our subconscious mind and take us away daydreaming. Thoughts about a painful experience bring pain. If some negative events or emotional trauma happened in the past and we suppressed emotions (pain, anger, grief), we carry those suppressed emotions until we fully express them. If you carry pain about the past or a resentment towards someone, it effects your current relationships.
We invest so much in holding onto some things; like anger, blame and victimizing ourselves. It is like carrying a 100-pound bag with you everywhere you go. It is very important to let go of the past. In all truth, that’s the only way you can have a bright future with the man of your dreams. Yes, all of us have been hurt in our past relationships; some have been mistreated by ex-partners, including being cheated on, left and abused emotionally (maybe even physically). Some had horrible childhoods and have been mistreated by family members. The list can go on.
Sad to say, but the majority of people have experienced something that hurt them deeply. That’s why we grow thick skin, to protect ourselves and not to open our hearts. However, the past effects you as long as you have resentments towards it. Scientists have proven that, when we think unpleasant and hateful thoughts they trigger certain emotional feelings. The more unpleasant thoughts you think, the unhappier you become.
The best way to let go of the past and start fresh is to make peace with the past and forgive. You can find something positive about the negative and painful past experiences: you learned your lessons and those negative experiences made you a stronger and deeper person. It made you understand other people’s pain and caused you to have compassion. This means it was a gain for you in some way, even if you didn't get the outcome you hoped for.
"Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness." Marianne Williamson
Forgiveness means letting go of the past. You need to forgive all the people that hurt you, and most importantly, you need to forgive yourself. You are not doing someone any favors by forgiving them, you are freeing yourself.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” - Buddha
Here is the list of exercises you need to do to let go of the past. They will aid you in forgiving people who hurt you and assist you in forgiving yourself:
1) Express your feelings on a piece of paper. Think of a person that hurt you in the past. It can be more than one person. Go back to the moment/situation and write down on a piece of paper how person’s actions affected you, how they made you feel. Don’t insult a person in your letter; just write down how it made you feel. Once you write it down, reread the letter to yourself (or someone) and burn it. Make peace with the person’s actions. They are human and flawed, just like all of us. Some of them didn't even intend to cause you harm.
Now think of someone you hurt it the past. What emotions do you have around that? Guilt, shame? Write down a letter expressing how you felt about hurting that person. Apologize in the letter. Either phone or email the person asking for forgiveness. Once you do that, you will be able to forgive yourself.
If someone you hurt or someone who hurt you passed away, write a letter to him/her, and then apologize if you need to and express how you felt. Once you write the letter, reread it and make a firm decision that you forgive one/yourself and now you let go of the past.
2) To let your wound heal, you need to open it. Set an evening aside. Make sure you won’t be disturbed and go back to the painful situations, bring them back to your memory and let yourself cry if you need to. Don’t be afraid of pain. It comes and goes. Close your eyes and imagine a person who hurt you right in front of you. Tell this person how he/she made you feel and let all the feelings and emotions out. Once you do that you will have a feeling of ease and completion. Have a warm bubble bath, get a massage or go to a swimming pool, relax and enjoy yourself.
3) The most effective way to deal with past unresolved issues is to actually talk to the person who hurt you and tell the person how it made you feel without blame or attack. Tell the person that you are willing to let it go and if you would like to improve a relationship with that person, tell him/her that.
4) “When there are thoughts, it is distraction: when there are no thoughts, it is meditation.” R. Maharshi
Now that you were able to forgive, focus on the present moment. The best way to do it is to meditate every day. The website, healthandyoga.com refers to meditation as “an enrichment of the soul.” The site also indicates that meditation can bring bliss or enlightenment. Medical benefits of this practice are many. Included in that list are better concentration, healthier self-image, deeper relaxation levels, lowering of oxygen consumption, reduction of emotional distress and many more.
Find a quiet place where nobody can disturb your meditation. Close your eyes and just focus on the present moment, focus on sounds. If thoughts come, treat them as a mental noise or a radio station. Simply turn the radio off. When you treat your thoughts as unimportant noise, they will not trigger you. Let them be and focus on the quiet background, where all the thoughts arise and all the thoughts disappear into. Put your attention on your heart and focus on feelings. What do you feel? Focus on love, generate a feeling of love and start expanding it. Feel how the feeling of love grows in your heart. Remember to breathe and be fully in this moment. If you are having trouble letting thoughts go, count every breath you inhale and exhale. That will help you stay in the present. Meditation gives you a tremendous feeling of peace and harmony.
5) Do yoga or spend time with nature at least 2-3 times a week. Yoga helps quiet the mind, get present and let go of stress. It focuses on breath combined with movement. There are so many different types of yoga, such as the following: Hatha Yoga, Power Yoga, Hot Yoga, Warm Yin, etc. Some forms of yoga are more challenging than others. If you are not into yoga, try spending time with nature. For example, go for a walk, spend time on the beach/park/forest, etc. It is also called a walking meditation. When you do spend time outside, really be with nature, let your thoughts go and just quiet your mind. It is easiest when you are outdoors.
6) Close your eyes and genuinely wish love and happiness to the person who hurt you. That might seem like an insane idea for some people. However, when you are able to do that, you are free from resentments. By wishing well to someone who hurt you, you are freeing yourself from an emotional prison. Trust me, if someone hurt you, deep inside he/she regrets it. He/she might not tell/show you they regret it, but they do. People that hurt others are miserable because they have to live with themselves. If you are able to wish them well, you truly forgave them. If not, you will need to revisit this exercise in sometime.
7) Give yourself a promise that you will never go back to thinking about the person/incident that hurt you. Instead, actively forgive and make a firm decision to live in the moment and wish all the people well. Say with intention “I forgive all the people who hurt me and I forgive myself. I let the past go! I choose to live in the present and be truly happy now.” The past belongs to the past. Now that you left it where it belongs, you are ready to start a new life.
"You are what you think. All that you are arises from your thoughts. With your thoughts you make your world" Buddha
"As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is" Jesus
“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” - Gautama Buddha
Self-esteem is your overall emotional evaluation of your own worth. It is your own judgement of yourself or set of beliefs such as "I am worthy"/"I'm not good enough"/"I'm smart" and emotions around those beliefs (shame, pride, happiness, guilt).
A Psychology Today article about self-esteem offers these words about the subject, “We all know that self-esteem can be an important part of success. Too little self-esteem can leave people feeling defeated or depressed. It can also lead people to make bad choices, fall into destructive relationships, or fail to live up to their full potential.”
Your self-esteem consists of the beliefs about who you are and of what you are capable. Where are those beliefs coming from?
We learn who we are and how we fit into this world mainly when we are kids, from age zero to six. We make beliefs based on situations we face. If parents treat a kid with disrespect, the child would internalize a belief that he doesn’t deserve respect or that he/she is not enough. If a teacher puts one down in front of the whole class, a kid might accept a belief that he is not smart enough or doesn't belong. All the points of view we learn in childhood become part of our subconscious mind, our identity. You can think of subconscious mind as a video recorder, that recorded all the life experiences you had that your conscious mind may have forgotten.
80% of our subconscious mind gets formed from the moment we were born until the age of 6 and that's when we learned the most and form beliefs of who we are that still effect our self-esteem. For example: I'm weak, I'm strong, I'm not good enough, I'm smart or I'm not smart enough. Negative thoughts about appearance, health, abilities and life pop up in our minds and we believe they are true and don't even distinguish disempowering thoughts anymore. Unless we do something to intervene or correct these beliefs, all of them stay with us for life and influence our decisions and behavior.
Many adults act like they don't belong and that they are not good enough just because they believe this to be true about who they are.
The language we use is very powerful. Scientists proved that every thought you think makes you feel a certain way because it arouses emotions. Let's try a mini experiment. Close your eyes and think of something you are afraid of, something you don't like or of an uncomfortable situation. How do you feel? Now, think of something you absolutely love, your pet, best friend, lover or a passion. How do you feel now? Loving and kind thoughts make you feel love, hateful thoughts make you feel and emit hate.
The average person thinks 12,000 to 50,000 thoughts a day, 90% of those thoughts are repetitive, which means they just arise from the unconscious mind over and over again and take us away into daydreaming. When a new situation reminds you of an old one, you will think the same old thoughts that will make you take the same old actions. For example: If you are on a date with an amazing man, and your mind keeps telling you that you are not enough, you don't deserve him or that you are afraid to get hurt/cheated on, etc, they can bleed through to what you say and do to the new person. All those thoughts are not objective. They are your past judgements of your past partner. You are enough and you do deserve the best and you can't possibly know if the guy will hurt you or not. You have got to stop letting critics stay in your head. They don't pay rent to stay, and they are not welcome guests.
Every thought you think matters because it makes you feel. We think judging and negative thoughts about who we are, about men in general about ex-partners and life. If you think you are not enough or not worthy or have resentments towards men, it would be difficult to meet the one. You've got to vanquish those thoughts and take control of your thought life, in order to triumph over these feelings. You need to start learning how to catch negative thoughts, question and then convert them into the positive ones. Here's how:
Let’s explore and change your limiting beliefs:
1) Identify your limiting beliefs and generalizations.
What do you think about yourself? Write it down. Do you truly believe you deserve to be happy and are worthy to meet an amazing man? Do you have any generalizations about men?
An example of generalization would be, all the men are cheaters or it is difficult to meet a great man or all the good ones are already taken. Believing generalizations could be very dangerous because they become your reality. What we focus on will expand. Focusing on “all the men are cheaters” will make you meet cheaters just like focusing on the red objects, all you see is red. The power of focus is enormous. You have to overcome these generalizations and self-limiting beliefs or you will feel doomed before you even try to come into a relationship.
2) Write down all the limiting beliefs & generalizations and question them.
If you have a generalization, such as that all the men are cheaters, ask yourself, can I possible know if ALL THE MEN are cheaters? Maybe I am limiting all the men to my own life experiences? If you know at least one other man who is not a cheater, you already know your statement is not true. You can choose to let what you know about that one man become magnified and fuel your hope that there are others.
Questioning your beliefs will help you open your eyes and see beyond your limiting beliefs. Let's say you have as a limiting belief, "I am not good enough". Can you absolutely know if that's true? How did you arrive to this conclusion? Who determined if you are enough or not enough? Every single person is enough, we make up illusions of being "not enough" in our minds and act like it is true. In reality, we can choose what we think and how we act. No one limits you, only you do.
3) When you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, stop right away and ask yourself, "Do I want to think this way about myself/men/life"?
Let the thought go by saying "I let it go", "I Delete this thought" or “I am making a conscious choice to let this thought go.” Be proactive and consistent.
4) Replace the negative thought with a positive affirmation. Never skip this step.
To replace the generalization, such as that all the men are cheaters, choose to say and believe "There are absolutely amazing and loyal men in the world and I am excited to meet the one".
If you had a limiting belief of not being enough/worthy, say "I am an amazing, beautiful and unique person and I am enough.” As I mentioned before, as you think, so you become. “As a man thinketh in His heart, so is he.” This means that you have to watch your thought life and guard your mind against thoughts that work against you and your best interest.
Watch your thoughts every moment and apply this process to every negative thought that you think.
You can think absolutely anything because how and what you think and choose to meditate upon is your choice. Since you have this great power, choose empowering thoughts, thoughts that make you feel amazing and inspire you to be different.
“Out of all the thoughts you could think, why did you choose this one?” When your thoughts veer in the wrong direction, ask yourself this question. When you put this into practice, you force yourself to be more deliberate about thinking about what you are thinking about.
Once you learn to let negative thoughts go, you will find it easy to live in the moment and treat every day as a new one. The most important is not to let your limiting beliefs stop you. Let them pass and do what truly matters.
Self-love exercise: 10 Reasons to love yourself
Every morning and every evening, make the effort to think of 10 reasons why you love yourself. Generate the feeling of self-love. True love is unconditional and no reasons are needed, but at the beginning, it's good to start with reasons because they will teach you to feel love to yourself. Once you learn to feel love, it will become unconditional.
In any interaction, 55% of the message is transmitted through the body language, 38% - tone of your voice and 7% words. Your body language speaks louder than words. Use it to your advantage. Show other people that you love and appreciate yourself and they will do the same. How? Straight back, walk slowly (don't run around), make soft eye contact that shows confidence, smile and use NLP techniques. NLP is Neuro-linguistic programming. We all can read each other body language on the subconscious level. If you know what gestures mean, you can read how other people feel and you can use proper gestures to let them know how you feel. Watch YouTube videos on Body Language (NLP techniques), and then apply what you learn as they will be helpful in all situations.
Self-esteem determines how amazing of a relationship you will have because your partner will treat you the way you treat yourself. Self-esteem is your own relationship with yourself and I can't stress enough how important it is to love and respect yourself, know your own worth and have an amazing life.
Enjoy the exercises! They will keep you moving forward on your journey to accept and love you and find someone else who will do the same.
Quite often people focus on looking beautiful rather than being beautiful. This is like dressing up the outside of a house, making sure that the landscaping is flawless, the paint job is impeccable, the windows have a sparkle shine and every outside feature is aesthetically pleasing; and having dirt, peeling paint and all kinds of disarray on the inside. Some women are obsessed with their looks, makeup, diets, boob implants, fake eye-lashes, lip augmentation, etc. Others think that looking beautiful is absolutely unimportant and are very spiritual. The best strategy is having an abundant psychology, you can have it all! Being beautiful inside and out makes you very attractive. Men do pay attention to your looks first and after seeing you 3-4 times what becomes important is your personality, values, passion and other aspects of inner beauty.
Consider this quote by a woman who was considered a beautiful bombshell in her day.
“Boys think girls are like books, If the cover doesn't catch their eye they won't bother to read what's inside.” - Marilyn Monroe
Your look reflects your self-love. Let's start with outer beauty.
To look beautiful, you need to think of a few things:
Have you ever noticed, whatever is your last thought in the night will be your first thought in the morning? Watch it – the last, the very last, when you enter into sleep. You are standing just on the threshold – the last thought will always be the first thought when you again stand on the threshold and you are coming out of sleep.
That’s why all the religions have insisted on praying before one goes to sleep, so the last thought remains of prayer, and it sinks into one’s heart. The whole night it remains like an aroma around you – it fills your inner space, and in the morning when you awake, again it is there still lingering in the atmosphere like an aroma. Nowadays people don’t have much time, but these 7.5 hours of sleep can be used as meditation time. Every evening before going to bed, spend 15-20 minutes meditating. Put relaxing music, Reiki Healing Music is amazing for meditation.
Close your eyes and just breathe. Let the thoughts go and be in the moment. I meditate every evening before I go to bed and it helps me to get a good rest and I wake up feeling happy, fully rested and energized because my mind is quiet. Commit to meditating before going to bed and you will experience the benefits of healthy sleep yourself.
How many hours of sleep do you need to feel rested? If you are busy with your job, education, and you try to sleep less, there is a secret to it. Every sleeping cycle is 1.5 hours. It is easier to wake up if you sleep 6, 7.5 or 9 hours. Healthy sleep will help you look fresh and young.
Beautiful hair creates an image. Get a haircut if you haven't had one for a while. Experiment with your hair. This experiment should lead to you being able to answer questions about what looks best on you.
Try healthy hair masks. There is a mask which I usually make once per 2 weeks for healthy shine. Here's my recipe: mix together 2 table spoons of olive mayo, 1 spoon of honey, 1 table spoon of good quality shampoo and 3-5 drops of aroma oil (any one you like). Apply it on your hair and leave for 1 hour. Wash it off and then wash your hair with shampoo.
If you have split ends, take 1/3 of a bottle of apple cider vinegar and add 2/3 of warm water. After you wash your hair with shampoo, rinse it with the vinegar water. It will close all the split ends. Do it every time you wash your hair. And apply conditioner after this step.
Learn how to apply make-up. Don't overdo it. Just a natural look will make a difference. Set one evening aside and experiment with different colors, watch videos on YouTube and just have fun with it.
Learn to take care of your nails without having to go to salon all the time. It is very easy. Get a healthy protective coat of nail polish and use any color you like.
Wear something that looks good on you. Experiment. You don't need to buy the most expensive clothes. If you have a great taste, you can dress great by buying clothing from any store. If taste is something you need to work on, look through some magazines, websites and see some fashion shows. This would give you an idea of what is in fashion. Donate all the clothes you do not wear and get something new and beautiful for yourself. Don't overlook the importance of great accessories, while you are at it. This includes scarves, bracelets, belts, earrings, headbands, gloves and necklaces. Keep in mind that the right shoes and even decorative hose can also give your look an edge.
Get into a great shape
Being healthy and having a beautiful body gives you energy and makes you feel more confident. How happy are you with your weight right now? If this is something you need to work on, here is the initial step.
Sign up for dance classes. Even as you do this, try dancing at home, just for fun. You don't have to do a stellar job nor choreograph the moves, just dance. Lee Ann Womack sings an uplifting song about the art of dance. “I Hope You Dance,” captures the idea of electing to dance with abandon and wonder instead of sitting along on the sidelines of life. You can also work out with an instructor in a gym at least three times a week. Don't wait until tomorrow, sign up today. If, for any reasons you can't sign up for classes, find some workout videos on YouTube and make it a rule to wake up earlier and do a 30-45 minute workout before you go to work. Go for a run every morning and find a way to enjoy it. Once again, the rule of thumb is to do this three times per week.
“Taken slowly, or mindfully, even eating an orange or a bowl of soup, or a small piece of dark chocolate for that matter, can take on the flavor or prayer.”- M. DeTurris Poust
Quite often we eat really fast and we realize that we had a huge meal only after we had it. That way we do not feel nourished by the food we eat and it makes us tend to overeat. Not taking time to enjoy our food and really savor it makes people gain weight. Slowing down, pausing, really paying attention to the food instead of your cell phone, texts, TV and other distractions… will give you an absolutely different experience of eating.
Here is how to Eat Mindfully:
Have one full meal in silence in a space where you are most likely to relax. Make the time for this so that you can let go of time and avoid rushing in any way.
Refrain from working or ‘going on in your mind’ about other things. Let your mind go quiet for the duration of the meal. The way to accomplish this is to place your attention on the practice of mindful eating as fully as you can. When you feel that you are distracted, bring your attention back to the practice as soon as you can.
Eat slowly. Chew every bite until it is ready to be digested. As you eat, be in touch with the food – the flavors – the textures – the temperature, all of the beings that are involved in bringing this food to you. Keep your attention on the food and the act of eating in this way. Feel grateful. Appreciate the fact that you can eat and be fulfilled by nourishing yourself. Try to remain relaxed and keep your attention fully concentrated on the act of eating. Each time you take a bite, put your utensil down fully on the plate or in the bowl and refrain from picking it up again until your current mouthful of food is fully swallowed. Do it every time until the food is done, or until you know that you are full. Remain connected with your body.
When you get the indicator that you are full, refrain from eating any more. Let yourself savor the act of eating and digesting for a few minutes after your meal. When you are ready, begin whatever activity you need to do and feel the difference in your eating and your experience.
The more often you eat mindfully, the more benefit you will receive. You will experience the following:
- Food tastes better when you pay attention.
- You can learn to enjoy healthy foods when you slow down and savor.
- You naturally gravitate towards simpler foods because of the savoring.
- You get a little oasis of slow mindfulness in your busy day.
- It relieves stress.
- It’s a very enjoyable experience, on which we have been missing.
Mindful eating has huge health benefits. To know the benefits you need to try it yourself. Enjoy the practice of mindful eating!
This is your assignment, perfect all the steps and use them as a checklist.
Healthy Sleep – meditate 15-20 minutes before you go to bed
Hair – get haircut, prepare some masks for your hair, get apple cider vinegar for rinsing your hair
Make up – set an evening aside and experiment with make-up, find a look that suites you
Nails – Take a good care of your nails once a week
Clothes – get rid of the clothes you don't wear anymore and get something that looks fabulous on you
Get into a great shape – sign up for dance classes, go to a gym and run every morning
Practice mindful eating every time you eat
Beautiful From Within
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” - Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
What makes a person beautiful from within?
It is your standards, values and personality that make you beautiful on the inside. Inner beauty is who you are and it doesn't fade away. Your inner beauty is forever. After being with someone for some time, he won't even notice the way you look any more. What will matter is who you are, your inner world. Every man dreams of having a genuinely loving, happy, passionate, generous and caring woman. This is of great value to those who know what matters. It can go a long way toward making you a true trophy wife.
“The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a Woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she knows.” - Audrey Hepburn
Many people are consumed with themselves, what's in there for them, what they can get, how to survive, how to win and compete, jealousy, etc. There is nothing wrong with that, but it is all ego. The opposite of Ego is Love. To be truly beautiful is to care for other people, to genuinely love people, be of service and do great things for them, being giving. That way you are living a greater life and impacting other people's lives.
Consider these words, spoken by the neurosurgeon who did the first successful Siamese twin cranial (craniopagus) separation. “Happiness doesn't result from what we get, but from what we give.” - Ben Carson
"It is the heart that does the giving; the fingers only let go".- Nigerian saying
If you are sincere and genuine in your love for people, you are truly beautiful from within. It doesn't mean you let people walk over you and take advantage of your kindness. Loving people means living bigger life, genuinely wishing great things for others and contributing. Love for others will make you a happy person, and once you are truly happy you shine from within. Looking back at your life something you will never regret is doing great things for others that come out of unconditional love and selflessness.
Brainstorm and ask yourself what could you do to improve other people's lives. Ask yourself how could you contribute to making the world a better place, even if it's just a small slice of the world. You can start on a smaller scale, like with your family, friends and co-workers. Think of what they need and want and give it to them, improve their lives.
Being Whole And Complete
It is very important to be whole and complete, so that you have the capability to be happy in a relationship. Is there any reason why you want to get into a relationship? Is it to be happy or to have financial support? What is your reason to get into a relationship? If the reason is to be happy, then think of how you can learn to be happy before you get into a relationship, so that you come into a relationship not with an attitude of "I want to get something," but with an attitude of "I want to give him what I have or share happiness with him". Happiness is a habit, the mind has a habit of thinking thoughts that make you happy or miserable. And this habit won't go away when you meet the one.
Start working on your happy attitude now, so that you become whole and complete. If the reason you wish to get into a relationship is to get financial freedom, you are not coming from a position of power, but from a weak position of need. Think of how you could improve your financial situation now. You have talents and gifts you could use to become financially free. Keep in mind that when you enter into a relationship, you should have double the happiness as a result, instead of having to split one person's worth of happy between two people.
What are your standards? Would you forgive someone who cheated on you? Would you stay with a man that doesn't treat you well or doesn't love you? Would you go after someone who is in a committed relationship? Would you settle as a lover for someone who is married? Would you continue a relationship with someone who disappears for weeks? Would you still date someone who doesn't consider you as his girlfriend even though you have been dating for a while and are intimate? The way you answer these questions reveal what you think of yourself.
Your standards should be based on self-respect and knowing your worth. You don't need to settle for someone who puts you in a position of not being respected. Choose the man that will adore you and treat you as a queen. So that not to make mistakes, think of what your standards are. There are plenty of truly amazing men out there. You don't need to settle for something that doesn't work for you.
A cheater will never change, that's who he is. If a man doesn't love you within the first 4-6 months, he won't ever love you. Move on with confidence that he is not the one. If he doesn't treat you well, he won't change because that's how he was brought up and this is his way of treating women. Don't take it personally, just move on. If someone is in a committed relationship, let him be happy in that relationship. Breaking his relationship can't make you happy. You can't build your happiness on someone's unhappiness. It is not fair to the other woman. I do believe in karma and the energy you put in will come back to you. By breaking someone's relationship, you will end up in the same situation, but on the other side. Someone will break your relationship. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Cause happiness, not suffering.
Happy People Are The Most Beautiful
Happiness makes you shine and stand out. It reflects in your eyes. Happy women are the most attractive and beautiful. You will be a center of attention if you smile, laugh and have a great time with your life. True happiness makes you irresistible.
•Improve Relationships With Everyone In Your Life
We have a human need to be close with other human beings. Having good, supportive friendships, a strong marriage or close and loving relationships with our family members make us much happier. The most valuable you can give is your time, love and attention. Take time, today to spend time with your loved ones, to tell them what they mean to you, to listen to them, and develop your relationship with them.
Quite often not having work/life balance makes you feel overwhelmed. Work might be consuming all your energy five days a week. In this situation life might feel like a routine, offering you nothing adventurous and new.
You need to make time for play. What do you enjoy doing the most? Make a list and do at least one new thing a day. For example, take classes that interest you, learn new skills, spend time with interesting people, find new activities, and take road trips on weekends with fun people. Say "Yes" to invitations.
•Find A Passion That Is Good For Your Body
What physical activity do you enjoy the most? Have more of that in your life. It could be volleyball, tennis, dance classes, hiking or something else. Schedule those activities in your calendar and do them. Doing physical activities is not only great for your body, but also for your soul.
•Do what you love (purpose)
Having talent and being able to express it will make you happy. If you love singing, dancing, painting, or creating business, dive into it and perfect your skills. Talent + Skill = Success. Experiment and find your passion. Find hobbies that you’re passionate about.
People work 40 hours a week (average). If they don’t like their job, they feel miserable during this chunk of time. Imagine, doing something you don’t like for 40 hours a week or 1,920 hours a year… Find what you truly love and dedicate yourself to it. There are people out there who do what they love to do on a full-time basis.
Paul Dyer offers a report on a number of people who have found their passion. Some of them do make a lot of money doing what they're passionate about. Others were surprised when life revealed their passion. One teacher became a principle when she started to feel that she needed to go out of the classroom and leap into a leadership role. Ingrid Laidroo-Martin interviewed and said the doors for what she should have been doing seemed to open easily for her. She details how she felt right surrendering to her call. She said the level of satisfaction in her life increased, yet she still wanted to see children educated.
When she answered the question about what she wanted her legacy to be, she said, "I think I will want people to remember me by how much I drew out of them and encouraged and brought their qualities out.”
(Note: Read the next chapter on how to find your passion in life)
•Freedom From Your Mind
It has been proven by scientists that every thought we think makes us feel a certain way. Negative thoughts make us unhappy, brings us anxiety and depression. Having freedom from your mind means having a quiet mind, no thoughts, just feeling peace and being completely in the moment. That does take practice. Meditate everyday for 15-20 min. Become an observer of your thoughts should reveal to you that you are not your thoughts, you are a watcher. Notice how you feel, lower the attention to your heart and belly. Feel whatever comes and don’t judge your feelings and emotions. Just watch them and let them move through you. Live in the moment and notice what is right in front of you at the moment.
"When the negative thoughts come – and they will: they come to all of us – it's not enough to just not dwell on it...You've got to replace it with a positive thought.” Joel Osteen.
Truer words were never spoken. Joyce Meyers has been sharing the same sentiment, advising people that if they win the battle taking place in their minds, their lives will line up better.
“Negative thoughts are the enemy of a victorious life.” Negative thoughts get stronger and stronger with time. In other words, they can become magnified. There are other things that we should focus on making larger, and that is positive thoughts. One teacher, who never aimed to get “Teacher of the Year,” or “Employee of the Month,” was surprised when an administrative assistant at her school who won the award one month passed on her “Employee of the Month,” award to her. She said her reason was because the teacher was so positive about everything. What happened is that this teacher got the award, a front-of-door parking space for a month and other perks that she didn't expect.
This teacher managed to do this in spite of the fact that she'd just come out of homelessness, had recently buried her father and that she had been molested by one of her male co-workers. It goes to show that negative experiences do not have to be attended to with negative thoughts. The late Dr. Maya Angelou wrote in her book, “Letters to My Daughters,” some words worth knowing and applying. “You cannot always control the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
•Practice The Skill Of Being Happy
To summarize, no interesting men would want to be with a doll (empty inside, but beautiful from the outside). They like someone like this only for short-term fun. If you want to be with intelligent and good man, start practising being a great and interesting woman. External beauty is to attract the one and internal beauty is to make him fall in love with you and truly respect you as a person.
1) Think of how to change your attitude from self-centered to people-oriented. How can you express your love for people? How can you contribute to other people's lives? There are many organizations that need volunteers in order for them to accomplish their service goals. If you know you love animals, or find that you prefer working with little children or the elderly; there is a volunteer opportunity out there for you. VolunteerMatch.org, usa.gov and volunteer.gov are great places to start. If you have children in school, that is another place to look, for they often need help at the school in general or in your child's classroom. An overwhelmed teacher will probably see you as a real beneficial resource, if you make some of your time available to them.
Do something to improve someone's life daily, give people your time. For example: Start a blog and give advice in your area of expertise. If one of your friends has a problem, give them your time, listen to them, take them out and simply be there for them and help them solve the problem. Make someone's dream come true. If one of your friends or coworkers is down, bring some positivity to them. Look for what people need and give it to them.
2) What values and standards do you want to have? Write them down. And now ask yourself how can you live your values and standards every single day. "To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest." Gandhi
3) Think of the happiest moments in your life? What is common between those experiences?
What actions do you need to take to be truly happy now? (Ideas: Improve relationships with everyone in your life, create balance, find a passion that is good for your body, do what you love, meditate and experience freedom from your mind)
Write down the actions you need to take and calendar them.
"As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way." - Mary Anne Radmacher
“The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give your gift away.” - D. Viscott
“There is nothing more beautiful than a woman with passion. A woman who gets excited about something, lives for something and holds something close to her heart is a woman worth knowing. She’s the woman you’d rather talk to in bed than take to bed. This is because passion is contagious and watching someone get excited about something is the most beautiful quality you can find in someone.”
Most people work 40 hours a week or 1,920 hours a year on average. If their primary reason to go to a particular work site is just money, then they feel miserable and disempowered. You can be anything you want to be and you are free to do anything you choose. There is no point trading your time for money. We spend money to accumulate material things that don't make us happy anyways. It is very important to discover your passion to be happy. Not only it would make you fulfilled, but also it would make you more attractive to other people. Men find happy, adventurous and passionate women the most attractive and interesting.
Life is so short and we take everything so serious. It is time to play. If not now, then when? What is there to be afraid of? The majority of us are afraid of change, and for that reason they settle for boring life. To find your true passion in life you need to get curious, explore and try new things. It might be the case that you simply never tried that which is your true passion. There is no need to settle for a boring existence.
Here are some questions you need to ask yourself to discover your passion:
- What do you love doing the most? Write down at least 10 things you love doing the most.
- What do you do when you feel great? For instance, sing, dance, draw, write poems, learn or play games?
- What did you love doing when you were a child? What was your favorite game to play? (acting roles, dancing, playing a nurse, etc). Childhood holds the key because we were natural and did what our hearts desired. When we grow up we sometimes bury our deepest passion under the layers of conditioning and limitations. Uncover it and make it happen.
- What would you do, even if you didn't get paid to do it? Often we choose a career only because it pays well. Many people in corporate America get paid well, but feel miserable and totally unhappy with their lives. Think of a career that will make you happy and give you the feeling of flow.
- What is your unique talent? Great people skills, amazing voice, sense of humour, great taste?
- Looking back on your career, 20 or 30 years from now, what do you want to say you’ve accomplished?
Now look at your answers. Can you see a connection between what you liked as a child and what you love now? Sometimes we are trying to make things very complicated, but in reality they are really simple.
Brainstorm and make a list of activities you are a) passionate about b) something you enjoy doing the most c) something you haven’t tried before. Try at least one activity a day and prioritize your potential passions and cross off the activities you didn’t like. In this discovery process, something may emerge that you didn't expect. You might also find something that you thought was a passion is indeed what brings your level of fulfillment to the heights.
Trying new things you haven't tried before will expand your horizon. For example: dancing (salsa, ballet, belly dancing, etc), yoga, Martial arts, swimming, tennis, team sports, curling, archery, photography, acting, etc. Get curious and explore. Live an adventurous life for a couple of weeks. It will make you feel more alive. It will teach you things you didn't even know about yourself.
“The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams.” - Oprah Winfrey
Adventure is exploring life by having exciting or unusual and risky experiences with uncertain outcomes. Adventure is a way of living, it is a choice to explore and be spontaneous. Every time you step out of the comfort zone, you learn something new about yourself and about life.
The key here is living outside of your comfort zone, risking and creating unusual experiences.
Here are the tips on how to live an adventurous life:
1) Change Your Routine
Instead of doing same things the same way every day, diversify your day. Either try something new you haven’t tried before or do the same thing differently. Wake up a bit earlier, go for a run or walk, try making something different for breakfast, take a different route when you go to work, notice the trees, houses, people. Pay attention.
2) Host Parties At Your Home
It’s a great way to bring people together. Being a “party planner” can help you to practice your organizing, leadership and communication skills.
3) Find Exciting People And Hang Out With Them
Having like-minded and adventurous people in your life will motivate you to always do adventurous things. You can host events, travel and try new things together. If you find a group of adventurous people who are still grounded, they can help you expand your horizons. One simple conversation with an extraordinary person can change your life forever and help you see from a new perspective.
4) Plan A Trip
What countries would you like to visit? Invite your closest friends and go away together. Explore different places, try different activities and exotic food and take lots of pictures so that you can have some great memories to draw from in the future.
If going out of the country is out of your reach financially, then find a state within your country and go there for a visit.
5) Experiment With Sex
Have sex in nature, read a couple of books on the subject, attend Tantra classes and experiment. There are so many workshops on the Art of Loving.
6) Plan something adventurous for the weekends in advance.
It can be a road trip, skydiving or a hike. Weekends are the perfect time to do something fun and adventurous!
7) Try New Recipes
Experiment in your kitchen. It’s always exciting and fun to create something new. Watch some cooking shows and cooking competition shows and learn from the amateurs and masters. You will see some ingredients and ideas that will help you expand your thinking about cooking. You might even consider signing up for an email recipe delivery service. Kraft will send you plenty of recipes if you sign up with them, but they always include Kraft products.
Another idea is to check out pictures and recipes on Pinterest. Start with the pictures that appeal to you and then learn how to prepare the dish or dessert by looking at the recipe.
To take this idea further, start sharing your own sharp, high resolution images on Pinterest and then share your recipes. Doing this will also make you a sharper photographer, which is an excellent hobby and skill to have.
8) Try Random Acts Of Kindness
Many people have expressed kindness for others naturally, by helping people with small things like getting another's coffee, giving a genuine compliment, paying the toll fee for the car behind you, paying for someone else's meal, letting someone go ahead of you in line, or being a good listener. The great thing about performing acts of kindness is that you have the power to change someone’s life for the better. Compassion, kindness and care can open someone’s heart and inspire them to live better lives and improve lives of others. Acts of kindness spread infinitely. Wouldn't you love to be the spark that starts a viral succession of kind acts? This really happens, such as the time that one woman paid the toll fees for the person behind her and the next person did the same and it just continued down the line. This is an unbroken chain of people doing things for each other. Acts of kindness create human connection, when you can just help and give, without expecting anything in return. The joy of connection and seeing someone else happy will make you truly happy. Some more examples of random acts of kindness are as follows:
- Bring some treats to work and share them
- Turn off 3G on your smart phone and be present, create connection and have good conversations, Acknowledge someone’s work.
- Give a bigger tip to a waitress than you are used to
- Tell your family and close friends that you love them
- Cook dinner or help clean up a house to a friend who is going through difficult times or who is busy preparing for an exam.
- Put money into expired parking meters to keep some stranger(s) from getting ticketed
- Give genuine compliment to strangers
- Give food or coins to homeless people
- Donate old clothes
- Write a letter of gratitude to a person who changed your life
- Help an elderly person cross the street
- Let someone into your lane on the highway
- Give a genuine smile full of joy to 3 people on the street
- Forgive someone
- Introduce new people to a circle and make them socially comfortable
- Help a woman or elderly person carry their heavy grocery bags home or to their vehicle
- Hold a door open for someone
- Support your friend who is going through a break-up
- Leave a generous tip in a coffee shop
- Give a ride to someone who doesn’t have a car
- Give hugs to at least 5 people
- Have a great and meaningful conversation with people, be a good listener and show that you care
- Pick up some litter on the street
- Pay for someone’s coffee or food
- Give up your seat to someone on a public transit or pay their fare
- Make breakfast in bed for your partner
- Make every person feels included in a group conversation
- Stop and Talk to a homeless person – the most precious gift you can give is attention and love
- Send anonymous flowers to your mom
- Write nice comments on blogs
- Donate your blood
- Smile at a janitor and tell them how much their work means to you
- Send dessert to another table
- Volunteer to help kids or elderly people
- Plant a tree
- Spend quality time with your siblings
- Wash someone’s car
- Make someone’s dream come true
- Support your friend emotionally toward achieving a goal
- Be kind to yourself – take a nice vacation or a day off when you can just rest and enjoy yourself
- Share your food with someone in the office
- Buy groceries and sweets and drop off to a random house in a poor neighbourhood
- Give help to meet someone's needs in this moment
Make acts of kindness your daily routine. Random acts of kindness are not a one day experiment – it is a way of living, it is who you are or who you can become. To be truly happy do at least one act of kindness every day. Once you develop this habit, it will become almost automatic for you to look at what you can do to make someone else's day brighter.
9) Be Playful
Add playful activities into your life. Be crazy and spontaneous. If you got used to planning everything, once in a while do something that is not planned. It will make you and your date feel alive. Some ideas are, go to an airport with your date and choose a random destination for a weekend. Try skydiving, horseback riding, spontaneous party, spontaneous Spa treatment, new outfit, etc. Let your creativity lead you.
Brainstorm and make a list of the following activities:
1) Something you are passionate about (10-15 things)
2) Things you enjoy doing the most (10 -15 things)
3) New activities you haven’t tried before
4) Adventurous activities (something that gives your thrill and excitement)
Calendar at least one activity a day and prioritize your potential passions. Cross off the activities you've tried but didn’t like. This is your experiment with enjoying life in new, creative ways.
If you found your passion and would like to make a career out of it, plan steps you'd need to take and set goals for 6 months, 1, 3 and 5 years from now. You might be working full-time already. Start working on something you love part-time, 2-3 hours a day. Make a business plan, write a vision for your business, take classes to perfect the skills you need, write down the steps to achieve your goals and go for it. The Beatles became so popular by practising their skill every evening. Beyonce began practising singing and dancing when she was two. She knew her passion and was naturally following her heart. That’s what made her so successful and great at what she does. Oprah was leading her shows from the age of 19 and she perfected her skills as a TV host. Preparation is largely responsible for helping her to become a media mogul. What skills would you need to perfect?
What is your 5 year finish line? Write down exactly what you want in regards to your career. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Write down the actions you will take to achieve your goal and the results you will produce (6 months, 1, 3, 5 year time frame).
Enjoy making your passion career your reality! Who knows whether there is a novelist, a singer, a journalist, an attorney, a doctor, or a school principal inside of you.
"The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said" - P. Drucker
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives" - T. Robbins
"Communication is a skill that you can learn. It's like riding a bicycle or typing. If you're willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life" - B. Tracy
A confident woman that knows how to socialize and keep a conversation flowing is like a magnet for men. Guys are often very good in sales and sports, but can get awkward when it comes to social graces. Take the lead and charm the people you meet and he'll be extra grateful to have you. Great communication skills and the way you speak of things and people show your intelligence and level of maturity.
Social skills play a big role in your career because it helps for you to be able to communicate with your boss, coworkers or employees. Often, good communication skills can be an indicator that you would make a good leader that people naturally like to follow and be around. Communication skills make your relationship and romantic life smoother because of your ability to skilfully resolve conflicts and tell your partner exactly what you want and need. By improving social skills your relationships and life in general will improve and you will become a happier person.
Social skills are also important in building a great community of friends around you, those that will inspire and support you and those you can learn from and have fun with.
However, many people do get nervous, anxious, shy and can’t find topics to talk about when in social situations. You can combat some of this through practice with being around people, by reading up on current events and news and by gaining some expertise in a certain field or about a certain trend.
Social anxiety is an intense fear and discomfort of social situations. There is a different degree of the fear with social anxiety. Some people are comfortable with one-on-one conversations, but have intense fear of speaking in front of more than two people (closely related to the fear of public speaking). Others are absolutely uncomfortable speaking with people and become tongue-tied.
People who have social anxiety tend to avoid social situations and isolate themselves. If they do face social situations, they experience a fast heart rate, quick & shallow breathing and butterflies in the stomach.
Up to 60% of people have experienced the symptoms of social anxiety and around 40% of people experience social anxiety of a daily basis.
But what are we really anxious about? The problem is that we anticipate something bad to happen to us. The thoughts of something negative happening create social anxiety, it is in a negative self-talk.
When we are with people, quite often our negative self-beliefs play a role. Thinking “I’m not enough” or “People don’t like me” will impact the way you interact with people. You might suppress yourself, keep quiet or the opposite, talk non-stop to cover up your insecurities. By definition, Social identity is one's sense of self as a member of a social group.
How to change your social identity?
1) Every day you should practice the Social Identity meditation. Close your eyes and vividly imagine yourself in a social situation. Imagine feeling happy, comfortable and confident in social situations. Feel the feeling and add all five senses. When you imagine something vividly, your subconscious mind can’t distinguish a difference between something that happened and something you imagine. Next time you are in social situation, your body will remember the feeling and you will feel very comfortable and outgoing instead of uptight and anxious.
2) Relax when in social situations by paying attention to your breathing. Relax your spine and face muscles. Deep breaths will help you get present and focus on being in the moment with people.
3) Feel love and affinity for people you are socializing with. Find something you like about them. The positive attitude and the feeling of liking others will make the process easy and enjoyable. People subconsciously know how you feel about them. When you are open and like them they will be drawn to you.
4) Watch your posture and body language. Your body speaks louder than words. Communication is 55% body language, 38% tone of your voice and 7% actual words. Great posture will make you appear more confident and approachable. Your body language communicates your self-esteem and a good self-esteem will attract people to you. This means that you should not have your arms crossed in a “keep-away” posture.
5) Focus completely on the person you are with. Quite often we think about other things while talking to someone. People can tell whether you are really present and interested in the conversation. Pay attention to what people say, how they feel and read between the lines. Be totally present with the person with whom you are talking.
6) Get truly interested in people. Your genuine interest in people will create true friendships and great relationships. Everybody has something to contribute. If they talk about their children or jobs, you should pay attention because they are talking about what's important to them.
7) Treat others the way you want to be treated. If you want people to be friendly to you be friendly to them. If you want people to like you, like them.
8) Make an eye contact and smile. It shows that you are open and will attract people to you.
9) Check in with your emotional state. Before going out have an attitude that you will enjoy meeting new people. Get excited about it. Raise your energy. People love good and positive energy and naturally get attracted to you.
10) Take initiative and get involved in conversations. Ask questions and share your stories with people. Pipe in with interesting information from time to time. Make sure you don't hog the conversation, but offer input. Remember the story about the woman who shared ideas about the reasons for the dropping gasoline prices? Her example is one you can draw from. Not everyone likes celebrity gossip, but some do. In general, people love to come away with information they didn't have before they met you.
11) Learn the art of small talks. Start a simple conversation about the weather, host, an event, give a compliment, make an observation and slowly move on into discovering the person's interests and passions. Find something that is common between the two of you and share ideas. Get truly interested about their lives and find out what makes them excited. This is where recipe-sharing can come in handy. If the person is not into that, move along to another topic. You can also listen and glean an idea of what they like to talk about. If they are into their children and you have none, you can talk about a favourite nephew or niece, or some other child in your universe.
12) Be happy and positive. Positive and happy people are always in demand. In any party setting you’d rather spend time with someone who is positive and happy than with someone who complains and talks about negatives. We all love happy people because their happiness and positivity is contagious. There are people who fake being happy while feeling miserable inside. That is very easy to see. Be truly happy and people will be drawn to you. Add value by bringing positivity to the table or the environment.
The juice is in practice. So that to perfect your social skills, you need to go out and socialize. It is a very enjoyable process. For some of you that is easy because you either perfected the skill or have been naturally good at it. For others, it might be a little out of the comfort zone. In either case, find social events where you don't know anybody and go out to practice and make new friends. This is a process, it is not going to happen right away, but after 8-10 parties, you will realize that you have improved your social skills and that you are feeling great in social situations. You can even go to cultural events and venues. Perhaps for you a museum is an ideal place. If not, go to a play, to a poetry event, to an exhibit of some sort. The park, a flower show or botanical garden, a happy hour or a church gathering are other options.
One woman always wore one big clunky ring. One of them had a huge white flower that rose about an inch from the finger. People noticed it and commented. This became her conversation starter, an ice-breaker. When that didn't work, she would compliment someone and get a conversation going that way.
Another lady would take the bus around the city or to run errands. She met people at the bus stops and on the bus that she would have never encountered if she had driven her car. In fact, while riding the bus she formed friendships and found about events and opportunities that she couldn't have discovered any other way. She got invitations to certain exclusive or private parties, as well.
Find social events in your city, sign up for them and put them in your calendar. Go out at least twice a week and practice your social skills. The goal is to learn to have great conversations with anybody. Get on the internet and look up “things to do, Dallas,” or whatever city you live in. You can even insert the word free in front and find things to do that don't come with any cost. In the city of Austin alone, there is a site called 512, which used to be the only area code in that city. There you can find things to do in Austin. There is also Austin 360, soulciti.com and others.
There are similar sites in other cities, including blogs and articles.
Don't overlook government sites, colleges, churches and universities as potential venues for socializing and having fun.
The only thing that stops you in life is fear. This includes fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of success, fear of looking bad, fear of judgement, fear of disapproval and the list goes on. Many people had brilliant ideas, but they never acted on them because they let fear stop them from moving forward. Many people loved someone, but they didn’t have courage to approach that person because of fear of rejection. Many people had talents that they were too scared to show and share with others. Many of us had dreams but we never did anything to achieve them because of fear. Many people that lived on this planet had dreams and ideas, but they never realized them and now it’s too late. That's why graveyards are often described as the most populated place for unfulfilled dreams and unshared talent. In the graveyards are authors that never wrote a book, musicians that never sang a song, dancers that never did their thing on the dance floor. But it’s not too late for you. The only reason why you don’t live the life you deserve is fear.
In fact, author, lecturer and spiritual teacher Marianne Williamson captured the idea of how limiting fear can be when she wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be beautiful, gifted, talented and fabulous?' Actually, who are we to not be? We don't serve the world by being small. We were created to let the glory of God shine through us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.” This quote is found in her book, “Return to Love.” The late Nelson Mandela quoted it. In the movie, “Akeelah and the Bee,” the KeKe Palmer character quoted it off the wall of her tutor. This same KeKe Palmer has gone on to make a name for herself after the movie. Not only is she an American actress, she is a television presenter, singer and songwriter. If you were to ask her and many other successful people they would probably tell you that they overcame some fear in their life in order to forge through to get to where they are.
There are plenty of people who failed at first and then experienced success after moving forward. Included are Bill Gates, who tried Traf-O-Data before he founded Microsoft. The maker of Hershey's candies experienced epic failures before he found his sweet spot. Author Steven King had his first novel rejected 30 times by publishers who were not interested in this fright-master's work.
Forbes has estimated Simon Cowell's net worth at $95 million. Before he found success with The X-Factor, American Idol, Britain's Got Talent and others; he failed as a record producer.
These are just a few stories. There are many more out there. If you really want to find reasons not to give excuses for not excelling, look up the stories of such people by Googling, “People who overcame fear and succeeded,” or something similar.
What is fear? Fear is electric signals in your head that warn you that some event might not feel good. However, “the fear of suffering is worse than suffering itself”. Fear is just in your head, it is a product of the past. If you spoke up in front of your classmates in elementary school and said something funny that make people laugh, you might have felt uncomfortable and started associating public speaking with uncomfortable feeling. If you approached someone you liked and he/she rejected you, that event would create fear of any future attempts to approach someone.
One of the best ways to conquer your fear is the 30-Day Fear Challenge. It helps you remove all the self-imposed limitations and push your comfort zone. Your mind realizes that there is nothing that can stop you and you will be able to do absolutely anything you want in life. You will be able to realize your dreams and goals, create happy relationship and live the life you want.
If you accept the challenge, here is the rule: During each day for 30 days you must do something you fear and do something new. As a first step, make a list of 30 things that you fear and calendar them. Here are some ideas:
•Sing in front of people
•Make a speech in unofficial or official public occasion
•Dance in front of audience (in a supermarket)
•Host a big party
•Tell people that you love them
•Ask for money/raise
•Debate and express your opinion contradictory to majority
•Look different (too bright or different style)
•Start conversations with 5 strangers
•Go to a movie theatre alone
•Tell a joke in front of an audience
•Say something through intercom in a supermarket
•Stand in the middle of the restaurant and say something (like wishing everyone an amazing day)
•Be a Greeter at Starbucks for 15-20 minutes
•Dance on a security camera
•Race at a supermarket
•Get on the radio
Make your own list of 30 challenges and do them daily. To make sure that you stay on track, share your progress with your close friends. Get a buddy who would do the 30-Day Fear Challenge with you. The great thing about it is that you can follow up on each other’s progress, do some challenges together and have a lot of fun with it.
“Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.” - J. Morrison
So that to be successful at dating and relationships, you need to understand men, their psychology and what drives them. It is the same principle as driving a car, so that to be good at it you need to learn how to do it. Men and women are very different in the way we fall in love.
I really respect John Gray as a psychologist and counselor. I can't describe the process better than he did in his popular book “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” Here is an overview of how men fall in love:
Stage One Is Physical Attraction
Men do get attracted to you only for your physically aspects at first. It might be your body, legs, face, smile, eyes, or hair. At this stage he just wants to sleep with you and if you do sleep with him, he will satisfy his curiosity and move on to the next woman. That’s why it is very important not to sleep with him right away. "Women that are easy to get, are easy to forget". Based upon the fact that men become attracted based upon what their eyes tell them first, you should put on your best presentation. Your physical attractiveness is the hook that will help you catch a man. Just keep in mind that you don't want to only have an exterior decorator fix; you want to be beautiful on the inside.
Stage Two Is Emotional Attraction
At this stage he starts liking you more than other women and you become good friends. He gets emotionally attracted to you because he likes the way you make him feel. At this stage he will realize that he prefers to spend time with you over other women. It is important that you make him feel respected and valued.
Stage Three Is Mental Attraction
At this stage he gets attracted to your personality, character and lifestyle. He gets attracted to aspects of your character like kindness, generosity, honesty, openness, social skills, courage, compassion or love. Men love women that possess certain qualities they don't have or qualities they really admire. At this stage you become very special and interesting.
Stage Four Is The Final Deep Connection Stage
That's when he falls in love and opens his heart. He will share deepest secrets with you and open up. You will experience deep connection and love at this stage.
For women the process of falling in love is very different. The first stage is mental attraction for us. We tend to fantasize about a man and attribute qualities to him that he might not possess. That way we create an illusion about who he is and fall in love with our own illusion. The best way is to be objective and get to know who he really is.
As the first stage for men is physical attraction. You might want to play with it. Men are hunters by nature and they do pursue their prey. If you sleep with a man, he will most likely lose interest. Steve Harvey wrote a book several years back called, “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.” In it he shared the advice that women make men go through a probation period of about three months before becoming intimate with them. He shared that, while this is not a magic bullet, it will give a woman time to figure out what the man is like, whether he is someone that they see a potential future with, and whether he is someone they should become emotionally involved with. To support this idea, he talked about the fact that many employers require a 90 day probationary period before they give full benefits to a newly hired employee.
Referring to employers, he said, “They want to see if you are going to do what you say what you are going to do, if you are going to show up when you say you are going to show up, if you work well with others.” He said women should stop giving themselves to men who are not worthy of their benefits. He even said 90 days is pretty short when considering the potential for a lifetime with someone.
Some men want sex only. However, if you hold off, you will give him a chance to get to know you deeper and fall in love with who you are. You can be a bit seductive, but don't sleep with him. Give it at least two or three months. That would give you time to get to know if he is supportive, honest and a man of integrity and he will respect you.
"Women that are easy to get are easy to forget" Unknown.
The Process Of Seduction
Everything starts with an eye-contact and body language. Use your walk, posture, manners, look, body language and eye contact to attract his attention. Don’t show him you are completely available. Show a little bit of interest, not too much. There is a fabulous technique all the famous seducers use – showing controversial signs: cold/hot, innocent/ seductive, tender/firm, mysterious/simple, shy/playful and sweet/spicy. Use these techniques and it will make him feel that you are unpredictable and interesting.
Then use the art of conversation. Find one thing that is common between you both and talk about it. Be a good listener and become a good friend. Try to get to know who he really is and what motivates and inspires him. Conversation should have some flair and panache. Be curious about the other person, allow for give and take in the conversation with each contributing something, be relaxed, practice conversing, and maintain an open mind.
An ezine article on the subject indicates that there is a link between success and being a good speaker. “People who seem to speak effortlessly and efficiently with others are generally well liked and highly successful,” it reads.
The article also offers proof positive that conversational skills can do wonders for a person's image. “You will notice a dramatic difference in the way other people perceive you if you demonstrate self-confidence and project a friendly, informed image.”
When you go out on a date, wear something fabulous, but not too revealing. Leave space for his imagination. Wear beautiful make-up and make your hair look chic. Select your words carefully, no negativity. Speak with very sensual voice. Show him self-respect and he will feel that you are much more valuable than any woman he has ever had before.
Open yourself up a bit to him; let him know about your ambitions and life goals. Make him talk about himself, acknowledge him, admire his achievements and complement his strong points.
Create triangles, invite a guy friend and him. Show him that there are many other men that like and admire you and that you have guy friends around.
Go out to public places together. The most important is not to become intimate with him right away and make him respect you. Make him wait as long as possible. Real men will be patient. Don’t be afraid that he might leave you. At this point, the game becomes more and more interesting. At the beginning his goal is physical intimacy with you, so just be aware of it. Show him that you are a deep person and give him a chance to fall in love with YOU. It is not a manipulation; it is called “giving a relationship a chance and being classy”. Remember that women that are easy to get, are easy to forget.
Seduce and flirt with him. Be unpredictable and keep him in tension. Break rules together. Prepare unexpected things, based upon your knowledge that people love mystery. Surprise him with something. Show him that it’s not easy to possess you. You can disappear anytime. It will make him appreciate every moment he spends with you.
Don’t build your whole life around your man. Have lots of friends, hobbies, goals, keep your career and play business games to become financially free. Have a bright and happy life. This will make your man admire you. And... always be playful. Make the most out of life. A person who is happy and fulfilled can be very attractive.
After the initial attraction stage, you will be getting to know each other deeper and who you really are will play the most important role in capturing or losing his attention. Your inner qualities will start coming out and your inner beauty will shine through. That's when deeper liking and love will take place (See Chapter 2 Beautiful inside and out). If you are a good match, everything will work out perfectly. If not, then there is always the next date. There are plenty of amazing men out there. Just open your eyes, expose yourself to opportunities and give people chances.
If you feel that you found the one, remember to keep the relationship spicy, be playful and flirt.
Remember - You are the chooser
There are a few things you need to pay attention to. The most important is if the man has integrity. Integrity is walking the talk and doing what he said he would do. If he promises and doesn’t deliver it would be difficult to form good long-term relationship with this man. You can figure out if he has integrity or not by looking if he delivers when he gives small promises. “How we do anything is how we do everything”. Small details can reveal who he is.
Your very first feeling when you met the person is usually right. Listen to your intuition. It is a negative indicator if you don’t feel good with a certain person. Something from deep within is telling you that the person is not for you.
How does he talk about other people? “We see others as we are”. When someone sees everybody as negative (stupid for example), he feels this way about himself deep within. People project most of the time. By getting to know the way he sees people, you will know the way he sees himself.
What does he do for living? Does he love his career? Happy people are those who do what they love and what they are passionate about. If he hates his job and doesn’t see the way out, he is probably not too satisfied with the way his life is. He feels loss of power. These problems will show up in the relationship because suppressed negativity always finds a way out and will be directed onto the closest person (the partner).
Is he financially secure? Financial success is very important for men. Every man has a need to be a provider, it gives him confidence. If he is not there yet he won’t be completely focused on creating serious relationship, because his priority is to become financially secure and successful first.
Does he want family and kids? If you want family and kids and he doesn’t – it’s better to find that out sooner than later. It will save your time. Just ask what his life vision is, what is important for him and what he wants in life. You will know if family is one of the priorities for him.
How does the person make you feel? It’s a clear sign that he might be a great match if he brings out the best in you, if you feel happy, supported and desired in his presence.
What values does he/she have? The most difficult is to create a relationship with someone you have different values. Look for a partner with similar values.
Those are some pointers to see what the man is about. Blindly falling in love and building the relationship on lust, sexual attraction and emotions rarely works. The golden rule is to choose a man with your heart and mind. I learned that when there is a battle between heart and mind you will suffer and it won’t work in most cases. (I refer to the “battle” here as a contradiction between feelings and logic. For example, loving a person but realizing he is not good for you or knowing he is great for you but not loving him.)
What does a man need and want?
- He wants to protect you
Every man is a protector in his heart. When you show him your vulnerability and femininity he will feel like a protector. Make him feel like a hero. It is about the way you make him feel when he is with you. He will associate the feeling of being a hero with you.
- He wants to feel freedom
Every man has fears that you might take his freedom away and monopolize his time and try to change him. That feels like a threat to him. If he senses that you are trying to change him, he will feel as though he is not accepted as he is and he will be likely to never commit to you. Give him freedom and trust him. Needy and jealous women are very unattractive. You know your worth, you have your girlfriends, along with an exciting career and adventurous life. Let him have his space. Show him that you are secure and that you are a challenge. He will really appreciate the freedom and trust that you show to him. If he can't see you for one reason or another, don't just sit at home, call your friends, go to a party and have fun. By doing so, he will wonder where you are and will appreciate you more. Make him believe that commitment is his idea.
- He wants to feel powerful
Men are competitive when it comes to power. We've all heard of the Alpha male status and how all women choose powerful and successful men. Men choose beautiful women so that they can stand out at a party and shine because of the women they choose. That's why show your skills at social get together. If you see a piano, and you have skills in that area, go over and play a beautiful piece for guests. If you are great at socializing, charm his friends. If you have an outstanding sense of humor, tell a few audience-appropriate jokes.
- He wants adventure
Adventure makes life more interesting and people more alive. Think of the activities and hobbies you could have together. If you add some spice to the adrenaline, like a lap dance once in a while and sexy underwear, he will be blown away. Have fun together and laugh lots.
- He wants to make you happy
A man feels successful when he makes his woman happy. You smiling, laughing and having a great time will make him happy.
Go out on ten dates and just practice being social and confident. Figure out what kind of a man he is, what his interests are, what his life vision is, what he really wants in life and show him in subtle ways that you are interested in him as more than a friend if you are. If not, think of a date as a dinner/lunch with a friend. It’s great having guy friends.
The first question I' like to ask is Do you really want your Ex back?
If you are thinking of getting back together even though you know he is not the right match, the best thing is to let him go.
If you broke up because of the misunderstanding, you will need to have an authentic talk with him.
Watch the video for more info.
Azalea Alexander is the Best Selling Author on Amazon and have been coaching people on Self-Esteem and Dating for the past 7 years.
Azalea loves helping people have breakthroughs and transformation in the area of self-esteem, relationship, dating, social life, etc.
She has been the bestselling author with her book: How to Get a Boyfriend: 7 Secrets you Must Know to be an Absolute Success in Dating.
Enjoy the course!