What if there was a way to breakthrough your grief?
Have you ever experienced some of the following symptoms after the loss of a loved one?
If you can relate to any of the things then you are in the right place.
There is hope. What you are experiencing can get better.
As a kid I grew up around grief. My grandfather died when I was about 7 years old. I remember seeing my mother sitting on our front porch crying.
When I was a teenager, a good friend of mine was shot to death in an argument. I remember standing by the graveside with his father who told me, “I once had hope but now it is gone." He just stood there with a blank stare on his face being unable to imagine what had just happened.
I remember grieving so much during this time I thought me head and chest would explode.
There have been countless more losses through the years.
As an adult now, I have helped families make it through the death of a loved one.
Through the years I have learned some valuable tips to lessen the pain of the loss. I discovered them as I searched for wisdom to make it through my own pain and in my desire to help others.
There are some strategies that help you breakthrough your grief. I want you to know there are things that you can do to make your process of grief much easier
What will you get in this course?
One of my favorite portions of this course is 20 Ways to Thrive While Grieving You Loss. This lesson includes easy to understand, practical tips to lessen the pain that comes from grief.
I will also share some roadblocks that you will want to avoid. Disregarding these roadblocks will bring you greater suffering.
We will look at the story of a young man named Joseph that was sold into slavery but made a decision that kept it from destroying him.
In the final video I will summarize the entire course with two practical lessons that can help you experience breakthrough after your loss. These two things alone will be worth the cost of the course.
This course can help you in the areas of self-awareness, personal development and spiritual growth. Most of all, this course will help you transform your loss into valuable life lessons.
Don't wait any longer.
It can get better.
Let me walk with you as you make it through your breakthrough.
Make the decision today to move from where you are to where you want to be.
There is no need to wait any longer. Today now! See life changing results TODAY!
How To Get the Most Benefit From this Course
Here is a brief summary of how to use the Udemy Platform for this course.
What is grief and what does it do to us?
Grief is a natural response to loss. It is the emotional pain one experiences after having lost someone or something. Sometimes the grief comes as a result of a job change and at other times it comes at the loss of a friend or loved one. The greater the loss, the greater the grief we often encounter.
Your grief will be different from anyone else's grief.
It will be affected by 4 factors.
How is grief expressed? Grief is also expressed physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.
The Five Stages of Grief Plus Two More.
The 5 stages of grief were first identified with Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's book On Death and Dying. She recognized 5 stages people go through as they prepare to die. Studies have shown these stages are not just true of those facing death but also of those who have lost a loved one. Here are the five stages she uncovered.
1.Denial- “This can't be happening.” Often the initial shock of the loss seems unreal. It seems like a bad dream and you think you will snap out of it. This stage of grief can occur for weeks.
2.Anger-“Why is this happening?” Anger can be experienced over what has happened, why it happened, when it happened and anger over things that are not even related to the loss. Grief can lead you to be angry about things that you have never been angry about before.
3.Bargaining-. “If only thinking” If only I had called him. If only I had not been so mad. If only I would have known. “If only_________ you fill in the blank. ”All of these statements and more are normal in the bargaining stage of grief.
4.Depression-“What is the point of living?” This is the most recognized stage of grief and often the most difficult. It is characterized by a deep sorrow over your loss. The sorrow can also result in a lack of desire to continue living. If you find yourself really struggling during this time, find someone to talk to.
5.Acceptance-“It is going to be okay.”. Is to acknowledge the new reality of life without the person in your life. It does not mean that you like it or agree with it. It is more an acceptance of the new reality of life without your loved one in it.
These are the 5 stages of grief Kubler-Ross talks about. There are two others the author Melody Beattie discusses in her writing. They are obsessing and guilt.
6.Obsessing is seen in being unable to think about anything else. It is the first thing you think of when you wake up and the last thing before you go to bed. To shift your mind away from thinking about it during the obsession stage is very difficult. At some point you will ask yourself, “Why can't I think about anything else?” This is normal with the obsession stage.
7.Guilt can be manifested in many ways. Guilt for what you did. Guilt for what you did not do. Guilt for not feeling guilty and guilt for being guilty. Everything in life during this stage can be interpreted through the eyes of guilt. “I feel so bad because _______.” Acknowledge the guilt and recognize it as normal to the process.
Many times in life we do not know exactly what we think about something till we are asked. And even then not until we get our thoughts on paper. The focus of each of these downloadable PDF's is to allow you to get your thoughts out of your head and written down. This one discipline alone can help you drastically.
Myths and Facts of Grief
20 Ways To Thrive While Grieving Part
11. Cry when you feel like it.
12. Exercise. Exercise releases endorphin's in the brain that aid in the grief process. It is a stimulant that helps you process the gamut of emotions that accompany grief.
13. Get outside. Breathe in the air. Experience the creation. Feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. Notice the flowers and the trees. Hear the bird chirping. It does not matter if you sit, or stand or run outside just get there.
14. Meditation. Focus on slowly breathing in and out. When your thoughts wonder, and they will, bring them back to focusing on your breathing.
15. Meditate on a scripture or inspiring quote. 1 Chronicles 28:20 Kind David gives some instructions to his son Solomon. “Be strong and brave. Get to work. Don't be afraid. Don't lose hope. The LORD God is my God. He is with you. He won't fail you.”
16. Diminish or eliminate caffeine intake. Caffeine is a stimulate that quickly becomes a depressant. It does take you up but will let you down quickly. It can make emotional times harder to manage. If at all possible limit it or eliminate it.
17. Attend a worship service. If you don't have a place to go find one. If you would prefer to go to a place sometime where no one knows you then go. They can be a great way to receive inspiration and edification of your spirit.
18. Commit to using your loss for the good of others. Allow the pain that you have gone through to be a help to others. A friend of mine says, “Never waste a bad experience without learning something from it.”
19. Stay active. Don't quit. Give up or give in. Be doing something. Force yourself to get out of bed in the morning. Go to the store, go to work, go to the park. Keep moving and keep active.
20. Don't give up. I know it is hard. I know the pain is unbearable. I know you think you are not going to make it but don't give up. Commit to doing whatever is necessary to make it through the loss.
Roadblocks to Overcoming Grief
1. Self-Pity. Woo is me. Look how bad I have it. Some people live with a perpetual sense of pity. They seem to think they have had it worse than anyone else and no one else knows just how bad it has been. Pity finds its source in the response to the loss and not the loss itself. Those who walk around with self-pity think they have it because of all the bad things that have happened in their life. But thats not the case. Others have had greater pain than the pity filled person but they have responded to it differently. A friend of mine has had spinal cancer for years is now unable to walk. He has had multiple surgeries, radiation and is still no better. The Doctors have told him they have done all that they can do and it is only a matter of time till he dies. It seems like he would have a great deal of self-pity, especially after all that has happened to him. But that is not the case. He has a great attitude. His email signature says this, “ Today is a great day to be alive.” When I ask him how he is doing? His answer is, “I am blessed.” Self pity is a chosen response and you and I can rise above it.
2. Self destructive behaviors.
What is a self destructive behavior? Alcohol, drugs, over eating, pornography, etc. Anything in your behaviors that you know is not good for you. If you are hiding it from others that may be a good sign you should not be doing it. Avoid self-destructive behaviors. Those who face grief while struggling with addictions must be extra careful to avoid at the addiction. Medicating the grief with an addiction will make the grief drastically worse and possibly life threatening.
3. Isolation. Avoiding contact with others. Staying in your shell. Not talking about the pain. In the christian tradition, isolation can be a tool of the enemy that sometimes talks in our head. He will say things like, “no one has ever gone through what you have.” “You are alone.” “No one loves you or cares about you.” “You are a failure.” Don't allow isolation to keep you from the healing that can be yours. Get out of the house. Get active and get involved in things that are helpful to your healing.
4. Fear. Grief takes us into painful realities that can scare us to death. There is the fear of the unknown, fear of the future and the fear of the process. All of these things are normal. Let me say that again. All of these things are normal. The fear I am talking about here is “obsessive fear”. What is obsessive fear you may ask? Constantly obsessing on the things that scare you are damaging to you. You replay the fear again and again in your mind till it completely overwhelms you. It can consume your thought process. How do you get over this you might ask?
Focus your attention on something else. Do something and give your complete attention to it. Focus on a task. Build something, plant something, write something. Do something that you can focus your attention on. Attention to the other task will give your mind a break from the obsessive fearful thoughts.
5. Unforgiveness. Our inability to forgive other people, God or ourselves can make breaking through grief all but impossible. This one behavior acts as a cancer that destroys us. You may say, “But I don't feel like it”. Of course you don't. the greater the offense the harder it is to forgive. You may say, “ They don't deserve it.” That may be true. They may not. But all of us have done things that God did not have to forgive us for and he did. Make the choice to forgive.
How can you turn your loss into something that will be helpful to you or to someone else?
Your pain can help someone else. It's time to start using it for the good.
How do you Breakthrough the Grief? What is the secret? Let me give you two closing thoughts…
1. Choose joy. Allow your pain and grief of your loss to be turned into silent joy. “One bears what was lovely in the past not as a thorn but as a precious gift deep within, a hidden treasure of which one can always be certain.” You may say, “How can I be joyous in grief?” Have Joy for what you had. Joy for the memories and the pain. Joy of the good times and the bad. Joy for the laughter and the tears. Your life today is richer because the person you lost was a part of it.
Will it hurt? Yes it will because there is nothing or no one that can fill their place. They were there for a moment and now they are gone. And at times the pain will be unbearable. Choose joy.
2. Share it. Share what you have learned on your journey through grief with others. There are many who need someone who has gone through what you have. Share with them your story. Be present with them in their suffering. We are not there to fix anything but rather to simply be present. It will help them and you will be glad you did. Share it.
I want to thank you for participating in this course. I am honored to have shared this time with you. If you have not already shared your story with me please do so. I would love to hear it.
Let me leave you with Davids instructions to his son Solomon. “Be strong and brave. Get to work. Don't be afraid. Don't lose hope. The LORD God is my God. He is with you. He won't fail you.”
Phil is an avid student of personal development and techniques for real life transformation. He has worked in management for 20+ years and understands people and relationships. He has counseled people going through divorce, loss, life altering events and career transitions.
He currently lives outside of Nashville, Tn with his wife Amy and their 4 children.