From War to Love - Simple Communication Tips for All Couples
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From War to Love - Simple Communication Tips for All Couples

Quick, Simple, Tips to Improve the Communication in Your Relationship
0.0 (0 ratings)
Instead of using a simple lifetime average, Udemy calculates a course's star rating by considering a number of different factors such as the number of ratings, the age of ratings, and the likelihood of fraudulent ratings.
1 student enrolled
Created by Lisa Smith
Last updated 6/2017
Current price: $10 Original price: $35 Discount: 71% off
5 hours left at this price!
30-Day Money-Back Guarantee
  • 1.5 hours on-demand video
  • 4 Articles
  • 21 Supplemental Resources
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
What Will I Learn?
  • Change the way you communicate in your relationship
  • Establish your voice
  • Express your needs
  • Create harmonious and loving interactions
  • Reduce conflict and fighting
  • Improve passion
  • Collectively form new goals to re-establish a stronger commitment
View Curriculum
  • Discussed the enrollment in this course with your partner and decided that a collective effort would be made by BOTH partners to improve the relationship with the use of this course
  • Opened your heart and mind in order to change current perceptions, habits and behaviors
  • Explored your willingness to engage in self-exploration
  • Learned to avoid the need to be right or seek perfection (in yourself or mate)
  • Developed a strong desire to take ACTION! (within 1-24 hours of reviewing each exercise)
  • Made plans (selected dates, days and times) to perform the tasks and exercises found in this course with your partner

The War to Love - Simple Communication Tips for All Couples provides an in-depth exploration of the sensory triggers that we have adopted from our childhood and past relationships that are negatively affecting our current partnership.  An interactive course, it helps both partners create new communication techniques while identifying the attitudes and behaviors that thwart collective efforts for harmony within the union.  This is an excellent resource course that can be used for the following:

  1. first time couples 
  2. long-term couples
  3. singles hoping to learn great techniques for future relationships

This course is comprised of videos, articles, and worksheets that requires the participation of both partners to learn more about the destructive habits that create disharmony.  Although many participants will complete this course within a week, some may take longer to view the materials and complete the exercises together (the participation of both partners is most effective to the success of the adoption of new communication skills).

Each section has an associated lecture and is structured using the following format:

  • Section 1-4 provides an introduction to the course, meet the instructor, and guidelines for the course.
  • Section 5-7 explores the historical foundation of relationship attitudes and behaviors from childhood and how our parents may influence our current matches.
  • Section 8-10 identifies the sensory triggers adopted from childhood that influence communication and are used within the current relationship unconsciously.
  • Section 11-12 addresses the needs of each partner and simple techniques to resolve conflicts.
  • Section 13 provides a personality test to help each partner explore the patterns of behavior that are consistent across the lifespan.
  • Section 14 helps the couple create a relationship contract or agreement for the future.
  • Section 15-16 provides a bonus section to help release trapped emotions and an opportunity to obtain a course completion certificate.

Thanks for your interest and participation.

Who is the target audience?
  • Married Couples
  • Long-term Couples (2+ years)
  • Newly formed Couples (less than 2 years)
  • Separated Couples (Hoping to reunite)
  • Singles (Currently dating someone special and wishing to create a longer commitment)
  • Anyone (Seeking simple tips to help establish a strong foundation in a future relationship)
Compare to Other Communication Skills Courses
Curriculum For This Course
34 Lectures
2 Lectures 05:56

Introducing the topics that affect communication using sensory triggers from childhood, past relationships, other influences

Preview 02:45

Thanks for enrolling in the course!

In order to identify the value associated with both partners commitment to the course,  I have created a partnership agreement for review and signature.  Though many couples hope to increase and enhance their communication techniques, they are often not committed to the in-depth exercises that expose individual behaviors that may negatively affect their relationships.  

Each partner is expected to use an open and honest heart to complete the exercises.  Very often the problems of communication are past issues tucked deeply hidden in our subconscious that began before the current relationship.  

This course hopes to help you begin to become familiar with the sensory triggers that encourage conflict and disagreements.  

The partnership agreement is located at:

Thank You!!
A Lil' Bit About Me
1 Lecture 02:07

Lisa R. Smith, PhD, is a therapist with more than 15 years experience working with at-risk youths and their families, couples, veterans, those suffering from abuse (sexual, physical, emotional), & other mental health issues. 

She specializes in hypnotherapeutic practices and is an associate professor at a south Florida university teaching courses in psychology, sociology, & statistics.  

Additionally, she is the author of Overcoming Trauma: Using the Breath of Life.

Meet Dr Lisa Smith
Communication Guidelines
1 Lecture 04:35

For many people, their communication techniques need adjustment. Please review the attached guidelines (under resources) to help each person understand the tips that help improve future communication. Each member must commit to the usage of these new techniques. Remember, that no one is solely to blame for the current communication issues and practice makes perfect.

These guidelines are intended to be the rules associated with all future forms of communication. It is most important, that both partners agree to the guidelines listed in order to move forward and around the barriers that make communication difficult.

Preview 04:35
Listed Goals for Each Participant
1 Lecture 02:01

Each partner should fill out the attached form (under resources).

When reviewing the goal sheet, don't be afraid to list your most important and vulnerable goals. Be open and honest about your needs and deep desires for the future of the relationship.

  1. What goals do you want to accomplish as a collective unit?
  2. How will these collective goals match your individual needs?
  3. Imagine the relationship in 5, 10, or 15 years? How will it evolve?

Once each person has completed the goal sheet, exchange papers so that both partners can review the thoughts of the other.

***Remember to avoid judging, shaming, or becoming angry at what you read. Your partner does not want to hurt you but help you better understand his/her needs.***

Defining the for Goals for Each Partner
Historical Foundation of Important Relationships from the Past
6 Lectures 11:35

There are five types of conflict styles exhibited during a relationship.  These include:

  • competing, 
  • accommodating, 
  • avoiding, 
  • compromising, and 
  • collaboration

Each partner has adopted one or more of these styles and use them during a disagreement.  Which one do you prefer and use most often?  After viewing the videos complete the exercise found in the resource section and compare the conflict styles used by you and your partner.  

It is not uncommon for more than one conflict or relationship style to be used during a conflict or problematic issue.  Consider the following questions for discussion and create new steps to use certain styles more productively:

  1. How does the conflict style encourage turmoil?
  2. Can the conflict style promote harmony?  If so, how?
  3. Identify three future steps that each partner can adopt to increase communication.
Preview 01:45

When using the competing style, one person wins while the other loses or needs are completely ignored.  In order to win, one partner will attempt to win by any means necessary, which include:

  1. argument
  2. rank (position or authority)
  3. finances
  4. make ultimate decisions without inclusion of the other partner

It can cause deep rifts in the relationship and threaten the foundation of the relationship. 

Competing Style

In order to use accommodation, one partner's needs will often be ignored.  This partner:

  1. does not assert authority
  2. sacrifices his/her needs
  3. rarely speaks up  
  4. loses his/her voice
  5. will preserve the relationship at all costs
  6. often is selfless

However, many people that use this approach are often rarely given the respect he/she deserves by their partner and children.

Accomodating Style

When using the avoidance style, decisions are hardly made.  In this case, your partner may pretend that the issue does not exist or can be solved at a later date.  All concerns (both partners) are not addressed because the issue is will not be discussed.  If the issues are not important, then it is okay if a decision is delayed.  However, with important decisions, avoidance won't solve the problem and consequences for non-action may be more detrimental to the relationship.

Avoiding Style

Many people select compromise as a win-win resolution when disagreements arise.  But, truthfully, this is not a win-win situation.  It produces agreement, but each person has to lose something of value.  This may create ill-will or cause emotional discord and dissatisfaction that can create future disagreements and conflicts.

Compromising Style

In truth, this is a win for both partners.  The collaborating style is setup so that all are satisfied and needs are met.  All concerns, issues, and solutions are openly discussed so that inclusion is the only collaborative option.  If this is conducted without arguments and threats, both partners can win.

Collaboration Styles
Comparing Your Partner to Your Parent
1 Lecture 04:16

Complete the attached form regarding past relationships in order to explore the way your parents' relationship can influence the current habits and behaviors in your current relationship:

  • Have you married your mother, father or sibling?
  • Have you adopted poor communication skills from your family members?
  • Do you shutdown, stop talking and/or withdraw when conflict arises?
  • Are you keeping secrets or score?
  • Do you trust your mate enough to be honest about your fears?

Uncovering the behaviors that you saw in childhood can be similar to peeling an onion. There are many layers that have influenced your problem solving abilities. Additionally, you may have unconsciously picked up behaviors from grandparents, siblings, aunts/uncles, cousins, and your friend's parents.

Parents' Relationships & How it Influenced Intimate Relationships
What Role Does a Past Love Play in Your Current Relationship?
1 Lecture 04:13

Many people repeat the same mistakes from their past relationships in the hopes that the new relationship will succeed. This is counterproductive. Very often, people are unable to receive adequate closure because the past relationship ended abruptly, there was little communication between the partners, or the hurt was too painful to explore our individual contribution to the failed union.  

Let's be clear -

  • as individuals, we are equally responsible for the reasons why our relationships end.
  • we avoid the conversations with our mates that help identify the poor behaviors we used to create disharmony.
  • we are unaware of the subconscious triggers that produced fear, anxiety, abandonment, shame and doubt.
  • we prevent healing by attempting to avoid the pain.
  • self-reflection is rarely used.
  • judgment and the need to be right are easier solutions.

Complete the exercise and swap papers!

Your Role in Your Past Relationship
Are You Listening?
1 Lecture 03:00

Some of the following are unconscious usage of techniques that block listening:

  1. Mind reading
  2. Rehearsing
  3. Filtering
  4. Judging
  5. Daydreaming
  6. Advising
  7. Being right
  8. Derailing
  9. Placating

This exercise will help you identify your favored techniques used to prevent communication.

Identify the Methods You & Your Partner Use to Block Listening
Are Your Needs Being Met?
3 Lectures 04:53

Attached is a basic list of needs for each couple to use in order to assess the current relationship.  This list can be edited.  If some of the ideas included in the list do not apply to your relationship, simply add the most important ideas for discussion.  Once completed, exchange papers with your partner and discuss ways to include the important needs daily.

List of Needs

Our relationships are filled with endless compromising.  We want harmony within our daily interactions with our partners but are often unsuccessful.  Some of our best intentions for each day is to reduce the level of conflict with our significant others.  But...with every compromise, one of our needs/wants/desires is ignored.  Over time, we feel neglected, unimportant, and insignificant.

  1. How many times have you compromised to end a disagreement, while pushing your needs aside?  
  2. Does your partner acknowledge the sacrifices you make to create harmony?
  3. Do you believe that your partner can help you fulfill your needs within the relationship?

This exercise will help you and your partner discuss the needs that are most important in your current relationship. Once you have completed the attached form, exchange the forms and discuss ways to acknowledge and include each other needs in the future.


Preview 00:01

When partner's disagree, it is difficult to find neutral places to hold discussions.  One reason is because of the intensity of our emotions displayed that may get in the way of a fruitful discussion.  When our home and car are often places we have disagreements, it may be important to change the environment.  Public spaces can be useful places that can aid respectful discussions.  Some places include:

  1. Coffee shop (Panera or Starbucks)
  2. Beach
  3. Park
  4. Favorite Restaurant

These spaces ensure that our voices, pitch, tone and intensity of emotions will be kept under control and at an acceptable level for discussion.  Couples can use the places to review completed exercises that require each partner to swap papers.  Remember that this course's intention is to create more harmony within the partnership while exploring the sensory triggers we all possess.  Please complete the exercise in order to determine a neutral space for future discussions.

Preview 00:01
How our Five (5) Senses Trigger Our Emotional Past and Affect Communication
9 Lectures 30:44

Understanding sensory triggers is important in order to improve communication in the relationship. There are five senses that help us move outside experiences into our internal world.  See, taste, touch, hear, and smell are the codes that help create the memories that we all rely on.  Identifying the senses that house our perceptions is essential because we are often affected on the subconscious level and are not aware of its strong effect on our behavioral and emotional responses.

The Importance of Sensory Triggers

How does what we saw throughout our life affect our everyday experiences? We explore the gift of sight and discuss, its importance.

What We Saw in our Childhood may Influence our Relationships

Our words can uplift or destroy!  How are you using your words to gain power and control?  We often like to use words we heard in our childhood and we continue to use them because they remind of us what we you used to know.  Today, you can make a new decision to use your words to empower, praise and provide value.

Preview 03:08

Many disagreements can be affected by smell.  Frequent morning arguments are easily affected by the common smells from the kitchen or breakfast (coffee, eggs & bacon). Your favorite kitchen cleaner can also affect you negatively if your Saturday morning ritual also includes arguing with your partner to clean up.  This lesson will explore how smell stimulates us in various ways to react.

What Were the Familiar Smells?

Touch is profound and memorable.  It can be used lovingly or in all types of abuse.  In this lesson, we explore how touch can be used in negative and positive ways.

Touch & Its Importance

Food is used for celebrations and traditions.  It is part of our cultural identity but often associated with disagreements and conflicts.  Major conflicts happen around the dinner table and during the holidays.  It can subconsciously make us tense, anxious, and depressed without our awareness.  Additionally, it can inspire, motivate, and uplift us because of our traditions and customs.  In this lesson, we explore its usefulness.

How was Food Used for Communication?

This video will help you prepare for the hypnotherapy exercise.  There are several requirements to create a comfortable space and use the 1-2 breath effectively in order to identify the sensory triggers.

Directions to Help You Prepare for the Sensory Trigger Exercise

Using guided imagery (similar to the daydream state), we prime the senses in order to access the memories associated with important perceptions.  In this exercise, we will explore past and present memories.  Using the 1 - 2 breath, each sense will be linked with an experience and the attached exercise will be used to identify the information obtained.

Hypnotherapy Exercise: Sensory Triggers

During conflict or confrontation, many of us experience triggers. They are called sensory triggers because they are associated with the five senses (see, taste, touch, smell, hear). Sensory triggers are extremely important to interactions because they are linked with various behaviors that block listening or cause us to either shut down, retreat, or become combative. They are unconscious triggers that may cause us to feel threatened or fearful. Very often, we are unaware that we have adopted similar traits used by our parents or other family members during conflict. Using simple breathing techniques, this exercise will help you identify the sensory triggers that have been used positively and negatively in the past.

The previous lecture helped explain how sensory triggers affect you, however the attached exercise will help you identify the triggers. It will use primers to access sensory memories that you have coded as acceptable ways to interact. Once the exercise is completed, use the attached list to write down the identified triggers from the exercise. Most people are not aware of their contribution to the conflict unless their triggers are identified.

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About the Instructor
Lisa Smith
4.2 Average rating
109 Reviews
5,116 Students
2 Courses
Hypnotherapist at Udemy

As a psychology professor, I have taught a myriad of courses in the south Florida area. With 15 years experience in post-secondary education, I love helping my students find the best path in the pursuit of their ideal career.  With a Ph.D in general psychology, I have used my knowledge and expertise inside and outside the classroom.  As the owner of CRE8TVE Solutions, a hypnotherapeutic practice, I have helped the following populations overcome their mental health traumas:

  • military personnel
  • domestic violence victims
  • abused (physical, emotional, sexual)
  • at-risk youths and their families
  • couples and families

It is my quest to help my clients remove blocks that limit their growth potential and well-being.