Have you ever struggled connecting with people in small talk, at networking events or wondered why some people just seem to get on with everyone?
Have you ever wondered why some people achieve more success than others? What is it about how they behave and interact, how they are "wired" that drives them to greater success than others?
The academic world focuses on IQ) to define your business destiny but according to research the real world works on something completely different and that's what separates successful leaders from the average ones.
Author Daniel Goleman argues that our view of human intelligence is far too narrow, and that our emotions play major role in thought, decision making and individual success.
Self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, motivation, empathy and social deftness are all qualities that mark people who excel: whose relationships flourish, who are stars in their business endeavours.
This course goes through the 5 core emotional keys and principles of emotional intelligence to show you how you influence those around you and the people that you meet on a daily basis either in social settings or business. You will grow as a person as you identify, nature and strengthen what you already have to gain increased self awareness, motivation, self control and emotion management amongst others.
"Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power." Lao Tzu
Hello! My name is Serah W. Lister and I am your ever smiling course instructor! Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is very important to me because it transformed my non existent career to a passionate profession!
Am sharing this invaluable information with you because when I started, I didn't have any letters after my name yet using emotional intelligence I was able to transform my life! It was like (still is) my secret sauce....
I was born in a little village in Africa and every day I walked miles to school, no one in their wildest dreams could have believed I would end up where I am today! Not even myself dared to dream bigger than the next step but those single steps have brought me a long long way from home to London a place that I call home today!
English is my 3rd language so I may not speak it very well but I never let it be a hindrance; I saw it as a positive challenge to master another language!
Why am I sharing all that? I want to show you it is possible, we can get rid of all the unsupportive stories we tell ourselves, reconnect with our dreams and achieve personal success!
Today, I hold a BA (Hons.) Business, a Member of Chartered Institute of Procurement & Supply (MCIPS), a Fellow of Institute of Enterprise and Entrepreneurs (FIOEE) and a PRINCE2 Practitioner (project management qualification) amongst others.
Today I am an Instructor, International Speaker, Author, Radio Presenter and Master Business Coach.
I have had the privilege to work as Senior Corporate Executive in U.K financial services and telecoms sectors for 12 over years and have vast experience in the areas of business strategy, negotiation, strategic sourcing, business development and personal development among others. Whilst most people knock days jobs this was a safe training ground for me that gave me access to experiences that have shaped my life.
I believe we can do so much more that we dare to believe, for me my ongoing commitment to personal development continues to open doors for me.
As you go through this course, be true to yourself - look at yourself and ask those difficult questions that we sometimes avoid. Aim high, write some high and mighty goals in place, that way you are guaranteed to never go home empty handed. That's the way I look at it!
That's a little bit from me and again, I would like to give you a welcome and let's talk more on the course.
Welcome to Emotional Intelligence course! It’s great to have you here with us!
If you could please start by introducing yourself in the comments box that would be great. Also, if you could please share just a little bit more with us. I’m interested to know;
We are all on a journey albeit at different places and there will be challenges along the way. I can say that confidently because I'm still on journey and one of the most important thing to me is having someone I can ask for pointers.
So during this course, if there is something you are not sure about please please start a discussion. Am always here to answer and will do my best to come back to you as quickly as possible at the latest within 2 days. Other students taking the course will all join and share their views – we are in this together! We love comments and engagement on this course - it's part of the learning.
It’s awesome to have you here and I look forward to getting to know you and engaging with you through this course!!
The original theory of emotional intelligence was developed by two US psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer in 1990.
They defined Emotional Intelligence as a 'learned ability to perceive, understand and express our feelings accurately and to control our emotions so that they work for us, not against us'.
Emotional Intelligence is about;
• It is about knowing how you and others feel and what to do about it
• It is about knowing what feels good and what feels bad and how to get from bad to good
• It is about possessing emotional awareness, sensitivity and the skills that will help you to stay positive
For leadership positions, emotional intelligence competencies account for up to 85% of what sets outstanding managers apart from the average. (Daniel Goleman, Working with Emotional Intelligence, 1998
Let me give you those numbers again...
According to the 3 elements of communicating effectively, words only count for 7% of your success, whilst body language is 55% and your tonality is 38%.
Unless you are aware of this imbalance (my take!), it is very easy to focus on building your intellectual skills and then become very frustrated when all that IQ is not giving you the success.
That was my story and taking advantage of this 'imbalance' I was able to turn things around.
Whist this powerful fact is not taught in schools and we are driven to building the 7%, today we have the power to change that through emotional intelligence!
The AIMS of this course is to:
• To provide you with a FRAMEWORK for understanding Emotional Intelligence
• Illustrate ways in which you can begin TO DEVELOP your Emotional Intelligence capabilities
• Offer you an opportunity to ASSESS your Emotional Intelligence
• Stimulate REFLECTION
• Outline GUIDELINES on how to use Emotional Intelligence
This course is designed as a ROUTE MAP, with SIGNPOSTS to help you pursue your Emotional Intelligence journey further.
This course comes in delivered in 2 modules and we have just started with module 1.
We have included extra resources for you to download and complete as we go through the course.
These additional resources are to help reinforce the learning and the practice of emotional intelligence
The 5 Principles to Emotional Intelligence are divided into two categories which are Intrapersonal and Interpersonal
Intrapersonal - this is the inner intelligence we use to know, understand and motivate ourselves. It means you are look inside before looking out and includes:
On the other hand, Interpersonal is the outer-intelligence we use to read, sense, understand and manage our relationships with other people. This intelligence focuses on things outside of ourselves:
Emotional intelligence calls for a balance and you should aim to develop both your intrapersonal and interpersonal intelligence. You do this by focusing on the 5 core capabilities mentioned above
Section 1 Summary
Emotional Intelligence is defined as 'a learned ability to perceive, understand and express our feelings accurately and to control our emotions so that they work for us, not against us'.
In this module one we will expand the three elements under Intrapersonal category:
There are extra materials included throughout the course to help reinforce your learning and also help you assess your emotional intelligence.
Don't ignore then, have fun with them
“There is only one corner of the universe that you can be certain of improving: and that is your own self.” ~ Aldous Huxley
When we think about self-awareness, what are the things you need to be aware of to become more ‘self-aware’?
Be aware of the following things and the ways in which they impact on what you do and contribute to your map of the world:
• Goals, immediate and long-term
• Beliefs, about ourselves and others
• Values, those things you hold dear
• Drivers that effect how you work
• Rules, that you live by, the shoulds, musts and oughts
• Self-talk, the inner voice that tells us we can or cannot do something
Humans are very complex and there are so many things going on on the inside at the same time. You will find that one thing is linked to another. Here are a few examples of the things going on the inside:
• Self-talk – Things that you say to yourself for example…I’m not good at handling conflict
• Beliefs – what do you belief about yourself and others. This may not be at the conscious level and unless you dig a little deeper it may not be obvious.
• Emotions – are you aware of your own emotions and are you in control or are they controlling you? Are you aware of your own and others
• Hot buttons – are there things that trigger behaviour, emotions, are you predictable?
• Fears and anxieties – What is your greatest fear? Does it make you anxious?
• Judgments – do you have preconceived ideas about people and situations?
• Self-confidence -
• Driver behaviour – what makes you do what you do?
• Rules – As a … I must … I should … I ought …
• Personal style – this is how you do things in your own unique way that people know and notice
• Skills – externally what are you known for
• Physical presence – what impact do you have when you enter a room?
• Impact on others – what do other people feel after spending time with you?
• Energy levels – are you full of enthusiasm or not and how does this affect those you interact with…
• Non-verbal behaviour, statitics show that 70% of communication is non-verbal which goes to show the importance of emotional intelligence.
Ask yourself – what your body language or actions telling the person you are dealing with
How can you begin to identify the filters (hot buttons) that trigger your emotions and use this information positively to change events and achieve a more positive outcome?
There are 3 ways in which you can identify your emotional responses:
• 1. Tuning into your senses
• 2. Getting in touch with your feelings
• 3. Knowing your goal
The Map Is Not The Territory (Alfred Korzybski, Science & Sanity, 1933)
You must realise that people act from their map as opposed to reality.
Different maps of the same reality are of equal value, depending on context.
Whilst you may not be able to open someone else’s map, once you recognise your map, you open up infinite possibilities of seeing the world in new ways.
Gauging The Mood By Hearing
There is a big difference between listening and hearing! It is possible to find yourself in conversation with someone and then you realise you don’t know what they just said even though you’ve been listening.
Gauging the mood - Seeing
This is very practical and you can try when you are next in a meeting to assess the mood of the group by simply relying on sensory information – what you see and hear.
What does 'tuning into your senses' mean? It means paying attention to what you see and hear and not what you think you see and hear. This means you have to be attentive even in places you visit a lot of times.
Your beliefs, values, drivers and rules act as filters, distorting and deleting what otherwise might be important information.
Would you believe that you ‘see what we want to see and discard the rest’?
We tend to zone out things we see and hear everyday and assume they are exactly the same way they’ve always been. What am saying here is you have to consciously look at things as though it’s the first time you are seeing them and listen in to the sounds around you.
Although our feelings are internal, they are often accompanied by outward (often physical) manifestations. By paying attention to theses external signals, you can begin to understand what these feelings mean for you, moment by moment.
Within psychology there has been a great deal of debate about the exact nature of an emotion. For our purposes, an emotion can be seen to consist of four elements:
1. What we think - our interpretation of events that produces a particular emotional response or thought?
2. What we feel - a label that we use to describe a particular state
3. How our bodies react – e.g. racing heartbeat, feeling tense
4. How we behave - e.g. running away, hitting out or hugging someone
It is generally accepted that an emotion is not simply an automatic physical response to a situation, but our interpretation of bodily changes and information available to us.
Certain feelings drive particular behaviours
Certain feelings drive particular behaviours. By retracing the link between a physical response, your interpretation and the feeling, you can begin to identify your emotional responses in any given situation. One way in which you can develop the capability is to record changes in your emotional state by keeping a feeling diary.
Keep a feeling diary
Keeping a feeling diary helps you identify your emotional responses. When you notice your mood change, ask yourself: What is going through my mind right now? And, as soon as possible, write down your mental image or thought in the Automatic thought(s) column.
Automatic thought(s). What did you think? Actual event, stream of thoughts
Emotion(s). How did you feel? Thoughts that preceded the emotions
Response. What did you do? Specify emotion
Outcome(s). What were consequences? Detail what happened
You can create a table like this one below; top heading and example one
Date/time | Thoughts | Emotions | Response | Outcome
22/01 I don't care angry No one cares about me Disinterested in life
Why is important to have have goals and know what they are?
Our goals are what spur us into action. These might be short-term (what we want to accomplish right now/next month) or longer-term (for example, what we would like to have done with our lives).
As with our feelings, our desires or intentions are not always obvious to us.
The value of becoming aware of your goals is that you can use this information to help you develop the strategies necessary to get what you really, really want. It is not enough to write goals down, you have to be committed to them and be conscious of that they are all times as you will need to align your decisions with them otherwise you create a subconscious conflict. This is not always easy to identify and could create the habit of self sabotage as you can never go against yourself
Believe your behaviour
Set up exceptional goals
Steps to setting exceptional goals and finding your path with a heart:
1) State your goal in the positive (what you want rather than don’t want)
2) Own it
3) Make it sensory specific (What will it feel like when you have achieved your goal? What will it sound like? What will it look like?)
4) Check the ecology (is it something you really, really want? What or who else might be affected when you have achieved your goal?)
5) Identify the resources you need and go for it
Recap on Section 2.
The reality of life is that it happens everyday!
There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. (William Shakespeare, Hamlet)
Managing our emotions effectively involves controlling those unproductive behaviours that really don’t get us anywhere. Winning a shouting match may feel great at the time but this is a short-term gain and transitory. You may end up losing a potential major client and this kind of behaviour does not support building effective relationships. In addition, raising your adrenalin levels will do nothing for your longer-term health!
Emotion Management is a Key Emotional Intelligence Capability
By understanding the link between your interpretation of an event and your responses to it, you can choose an alternative way to feel. This is a key emotional intelligence capability. Using a tool like the feeling diary will help you to identify the interaction between your thoughts, feelings and actions.
Let me give you a simple formula that will help you determine the outcome of every event:
Event + Emotion (variable) = Outcome
You will notice that the only variable in equation in your power is the EMOTION. You have the power how to choose how to feel about any situation.
(E2 = Outcome
The Dynamics of Emotion
Look at the activating event and ask yourself, is it
- Real or
What is your belief and interpretation and is your response;
- Rational response or
- Irrational response
What are the consequences and or reaction, do they;
- Evokes feelings or
- Leads to a behaviour
Always, remember you have the power to choose how you see a situation no matter how challenging that event is.
As the Greek philosopher Epicletus said, “People are disturbed not only by things, but by the views they take of them.”
Remember this, 'your beliefs, values, drivers and the rules you live by create your map of reality'.
If you can begin to recognise the way in which you delete, distort and discount important information, and make decisions on the basis of little real evidence (simply our own perceptions) you can begin to see how much of your emotional life is influenced by your map of the world.
Change the map and you change how you see, hear, feel and behave in the world.
You can change your interpretation of what you see and you can change your responses to it.
No one can make you feel anything. It is outside of ‘their’ control
The following techniques explained in detail in the video are great to apply if you find yourself worrying.
1. Worry Buster Technique
2. One-day-at-a-time Technique
3. The 6 second Rule
4. 5-Step Freeze-Frame Technique
Recap on Section 3.
In order to achieve high levels of motivation, overcome setbacks and perform at our best, we need to be able to manage our own internal states, harness our emotions and channel them in a direction that enables us to achieve our objectives.
In my opinion, self motivation is one of those elusive things that is not constant and therefore requires that we be conscious of ourselves to keep it that the desired level.
These are the essential elements of self motivation that we will cover in detail;
• positive Self-talk,
• Creating an EI environment
Self – Talk
Adopt positive self talk! The little know fact about self-talk is this - the most powerful conversation you will ever have is the one you have with yourself.
For this astonishing reason, developing an excellent inner-voice also known as positive self-talk is absolutely important.
We get so hurt by what other people say about us however, in most cases it’s because they are telling us what we are already telling ourself and we don’t like it.Let’s see how you can develop positive self talk.
Write out each affirmation three times, in the first, second and third persons and repeat it to yourself as many times as possible.
This is because our current views of ourselves are usually formed by a mixture of what we tell ourselves, what others tell us and what others say about us. Make sure your affirmations are always written in the positive sense, so there are no negatives in them.
Achieving State of flow
Let's look how others use 'state of flow'. Sports psychologist help successful athletes to use visualisation to enable them to create the right internal mental state in which to engage in their sport. Whether this is an image of winning a gold medal or breaking a personal best the aim is to achieve a state of flow.
This is an internal state that energises and aligns emotions with the task in hand.
Two decades of research by the US based psychologist Czikszentmihalyi show that activities that both challenge and permit us to draw on existing knowledge are most likely to send us into a state of flow.
Daniel Goleman describes flow as the harnessing of our emotions to achieve superior performance and learning
Visualisation is know by different words and I may need to come back to it on another course. Why you may wonder. Visualisatiion is the creating through your mind and whether you know it or don't, believe it or not you are constantly creating all the time.
For this course, let's look at visualising an inspirational mentor following 4 steps which are discussed in the video.
This is a process that you can repeat this over and over on different things until it becomes your second nature.
There is a great awareness today of the different functions of the left brain (logic, reason, maths, reading, language and analysis) and the right brain (recognition, rhythm, visual imagery, creativity, synthesis, dreams, symbols and emotions). Taking advantage of this knowledge, you can develop your emotional intelligence by accessing all of the psychic resources you have available within you. No one is only either Right Brain or Left Brain though one function maybe be dominant.
Creative visualisation, using imagination, is a normal feature of the nervous system, which has largely been ignored for being labelled unscientific.
A central idea is that the brain when it creates an image (whether real or imaginary) gives rise to emotional states that will evoke behaviour. Changing the way you think will change the way you feel and, therefore, change the way you behave
Creating an EI environment
This might sound a little odd but our environment does not make us however, it has a huge impact on us. It is therefore important where you have the power to create an environment that is conducive to what you would like to achieve.
Here's how to create an emotional intelligence environment.
Think of a place where you were happiest. What did you see and hear? Was there plenty of light? Inspirational images?
Identify what you need to have around you to make you feel motivated.
These are guidelines to create an environment that is conducive to developing high EI; make sure your environment meets the following criteria:
1. It is healthy and helpful:
• Check if the air clean?
• What can you hear, are they helpful sounds?
2. Is there adequate lighting for what you are hoping to achieve?
• Does it a motivate you?
3. Here are some motivators that you can surround yourself with, such as:
• Pictures of your choice
4. Is the environment organised?
• Clear your desk, clear your min
The Power of Well-chosen Music
Music is a very broad term and the preference of music is very personal. There is more to music than words and research shows that music enhances performance.
Dr Georgi Lazanov notes that a well-executed concert can do about 60% of the presenting work in about 5% of the time.What
The benefits of well-chosen music can lead to:
• Lower levels of stress
• Improvements in long-term memory and retention
• Higher levels of creativity
• Enhanced learnin
Recap on Section 4
Congratulations - you have come a long way to this almost end point! and going back to where we started,
Let's recap on the course - it covers the 5 Principles to Emotional Intelligence and it's delivered in 2 modules.
The 5 Principles to emotional intelligence are divided into two categories which are Intrapersonal and Interpersonal
In this module we looked at Intrapersonal category - this is the inner intelligence we use to know, understand and motivate ourselves. It means you are look inside before looking out.
We have covered the first 3 principles that is;
In the next module (Module 2) we will be looking at Interpersonal category, the outer-intelligence we use to read, sense, understand and manage our relationships with other people. In simple terms this intelligence focuses on things outside of ourselves.
The two principles are:
Register for Module 2 now and be sure to download your resources.
I appreciate you as my student and would love to read your comments
Please watch the video carefully, it explains how and where to leave the review.I would like to thank you so very much for doing it and I look forward to reading it.
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Check out the pdf, I update it regularly to make sure that it has all my courses as they are published and the offers may change from time to time you never know. I really hope you enjoyed this course on Emotional Intelligene and I look forward to seeing very soon!
Serah - Your Smiling Instructor
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The attached assessment will help you gauge your level of assertiveness.
Please download this FREE worksheet and assess your Emotional Intelligence and remember to come back and give us some comments.
Please see the downloadable infographic that will help you understand the application of EQ and the relevance it has today in business.
Serah holds BA (Hons.) Business, MCIPS, FIOEE, PRINCE2 Practitioner, she's International Speaker, Author, Radio Presenter and Master Business Coach.
Serah has worked as Senior Corporate Executive in U.K financial services and telecoms sectors for over 12 years and has vast experience in the areas of business strategy, negotiation, strategic sourcing, business development and personal development among others.
To broaden and diversify her skills Serah immersed herself in the ever changing world of Digital Business, Internet Marketing and Consumer technologies and is an early adopter of emerging technologies.
Serah also works in the startup and entrepreneurship space and working with Silicon Valley VCs run Startup Bootcamps globally.
Commitment to personal development transformed Serah's life. She strongly believes that learning should be a lifelong habit. Today Serah not only teaches what she knows but she spends time daily learning new things.
'Every day is a school day' and Udemy is the perfect accessible 'school' 24/7 for the serious ones!