Winning in Marriage

I’ve conducted several marriage seminars and spoken in marriage conferences around the world. Almost always, the number one complain by married men was that they don’t feel respected by their wives. And the number one complain by women was that they don’t feel loved by their husbands.

My personal first-hand findings agree with Dr. Emerson Eggerichs’ LOVE-RESPECT cycle in many ways. No marriage will win when the husband does not feel respected and the wife does not feel loved. This module will help you reflect deeply on this old-age conflict of the genders.

But more importantly, this module will help you understand your wife’s love language and your husband’s definition of respect.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and…

1. List down the top 5 areas that your spouse complains about you.

2. List down 5 items on what your wife means by LOVE.

List down 5 items on what your husband means by RESPECT.

3. Who breaks the LOVE-RESPECT Cycle?

List down 5 things you’ll do to maintain RESPECT for your husband.

List down 5 things you’ll do to enhance LOVE for your wife.

Most married couples devote their lives trying to change their partners. Unfortunately, you cannot change anyone in this life except yourself. Change is a personal choice.

This module, Personalities in Marriage, will help you appreciate that you and your partner are totally different personalities. The good news is that marriage is not about compatibility, marriage is about flexibility.

We can all learn to be flexible and accommodate each other’s differences. Before marriage, differences attract, after marriage, differences attack. This module will help you see the beauty and the strength in your differences and celebrate each other’s differences.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and…

1. Identify your personality and your partner’s personality type.

2. Identify your personality differences (both strengths and weaknesses).

3. Identify 5 areas that you need to work on yourself for your marriage to be better.

P/S: In my YouTube Channel, DR. K. N. JACOB, I have videos that can help you learn more personalities…

i. Personalities in 4 Colors

ii. Red, Blue, Yellow & Green Personalities

Almost any marriage can survive infidelity, financial struggles and personality differences. But no marriage with communication breakdown stands. Even poor communication incredibly strains marriage than any other conflict in marriage.

That is why I dedicated an entire module to address communication in marriage. In this module, I address in the simplest and most practical way possible how married couples communicate. The gaps on how men and women communicate are laid bare.

If you apply the lessons in this module, your communication as a couple will enormously improve and you’ll amicably address issues as they arise and evolve in your marriage.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and discuss…

1. What are the communication gaps in your marriage?

2. How often do you call/text each other in an average day?

3. How often do you share openly your deep feelings for each other?

In most marriages, the one who earns more controls the money in marriage. In most marriages, the one who earns less is financially manipulated by the partner. Manipulating your partner financially is evil and will kill your marriage.

No matter who earns more, couples should manage their finances together. Every dollar earned by either party belongs to both partners and must be managed transparently 100% of the time. Scriptures warn that the love of money is the root of all evil – 1 Timothy 6:10.

You know that you’re not a slave of money when you can account for every dollar you earn to God and to your partner. If you can be 100% faithful money matters, you can be faithful in all other things. Money reveals the condition of your heart. If you can be “one” money matters as a couple, you’ll have everything else in common.

Marriage instability originates from insecurities that create distrust for each other making couples to have secret plans for posterity just in case the marriage hits the rocks. This module was designed to help you realize as a couple that your marriage will never be absolutely stable till you can manage all your money together, always.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and discuss…

1. Who owns/controls the money in your marriage?

2. Are you both genuinely comfortable with how money is managed in your marriage?

3. In what ways will you improve financial management in your marriage?

Sex is not a side issue in marriage, it is the central issue. You can do any other assignment with anyone else on this planet except sexual intimacy. Sexual intimacy is what makes a married couple, one flesh. Naked and not ashamed. That’s why infidelity severely hurts a marriage.

Sexual manipulation is witchcraft. No party should ever manipulate their partner sexually. The golden rule in marriage is when either party wants sex, both must want. That said, the man has a responsibility to continually woo his girl every day to make their sex life vibrant.

This module is designed to help couples improve sexual intimacy and eliminate sexual manipulation in their marriage. Additionally, this module will help married couples eliminate extra marital affairs in their marriage.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and discuss…

1. Do you manipulate your partner sexually?

2. Are you satisfied with your sex life?

3. In what ways can you improve your sex life?

People marry for different reasons. Some marry for money. Others marry for security. Others marry for status. Others marry to acquire a certain nationality. Others marry because of an unwanted pregnancy. Others marry because of pressure from parents and society. Others marry because they’re getting older and marriage is the next stage of life after school. Others marry to have sex. And yes, many claim to marry for love.

Whatever your motivation was, marriage will eventually reveal what you were looking for in marriage. Any fool can fall in love, it takes maturity to stay in love. This module will help you clarify what you were looking for in marriage and manage your expectations without lowering your human standards.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and discuss…

(1) Analyze how you spend your time every day, and be as honest as possible, who/what comes first in your life out of these four options?

(a) Your Partner (b) Your Children (c) Your Parents (d) Your Job

(2) Using the Marriage Curve, how would you rate your marriage?

(a) Broken (b) Conflictual (c) Flat (d) Stable (e) Happy (f) Love Birds

Do you feel like there’s a gap between what you expected in your marriage and your marriage life? If yes, how will you bridge that gap?

We live in an imperfect world. Systems and values are broken. The moral standards around us are very low. Each one of us picks corrupt stuff from the world around us and bring into our marriage unconsciously.

Resultantly, conflicts are inevitable in our fallen human nature. The good news is that we don’t have to read from the same script all the time. Wisdom is learning to appreciate each other’s world view and create a safe space for each partner to freely express their views without being judged or resulting in a conflict.

Mature couples experience conflictual issues just like any other couple but they don’t end up in an argument. Yes, you can live together and disagree on a couple of areas without ever quarrelling, and this is the objective of this module.

Reflection

Sit down as a couple and discuss…

1. How do you resolve hot disputes in your marriage?

2. Are you able to disagree without quarrelling?

3. Going forward, how best will you resolve conflicts in your marriage?