Your Ultimate Women's Travel Self Defense Program

Video Transcript:

Let’s start at the very beginning. A very good place to start. Our first ABC is A for Avoid.

Remember, there is no surer means of protection than prevention. And the best way to prevent yourself from getting into any danger is by staying aware of potentially dangerous threats around you and avoiding them altogether. That’s how you win at self defense. Not by fighting. But by not having to fight at all. It’s still self defense if you don’t fight. Something most other self defense courses fail to mention. But it is really your best case scenario.

It’s the one time in your life when it’s actually a good thing to be avoidant.

Now to avoid, you must first be aware. Awareness is your first line of defense. Both self awareness and situational awareness. Without it, it won’t matter what weapons you carry, or how well trained you are, or what martial arts belt you have. None of it will do you any good if you aren’t paying attention.

So don’t just wander around with your head down, headphones in, oblivious to what’s around you. Not only won’t you see any dangers coming, but you’ll also be more likely to be targeted.

It takes an assailant 7 seconds to choose their target. It’s called victim shopping. They’re looking for easy prey who are alone, who aren’t paying attention, who look submissive or easily overpowered. They’re asking themselves: Does this person have something I want, and what will I have to risk to get it? So you want to make it clear at all times that attacking you would be high risk. That you won’t take no shit.

Every assailant and criminal has the same three common fears: being identified, getting injured, and getting caught. So the more you can increase the likelihood of that in their mind, the less likely they are to target you to begin with. Don’t make yourself an easy target. Make yourself a hard target. ?

Now with that in mind, here are some ways you can increase your awareness and achieve that ultimate state of Zanshin, the “remaining mind,” of constant awareness and relaxed readiness.

Let’s start with some good old fashioned eye scanning. We’ll do some drills in the next video to help you master this move. The idea is to take out your headphones, look up from your phone, and look around you. Take note of everything you see in each new environment you enter – both the people and the setting like the buildings, the streets, the vehicles, and so on.

You want to create a mental map of each environment as quickly as possible so you can navigate it with ease no matter the situation. Whether that’s walking confidently into a store, or giving someone directions, or meeting your friends for drinks, or trying to escape an assailant. It helps in any of these situations to have a sense of your surroundings at all times.

Now if you are in an area that you frequent, which by definition we often are, then you should have an even easier time with this. You already have the advantage of familiarity. However you are also more likely to be targeted there. 55% of sexual assaults occur at or near the victim’s home. So all the more reason to know that area intimately, including all the routes you regularly take. If you’re paying attention, you should be able to quickly identify anything that’s out of the ordinary or isn’t normally there.

I can’t tell you what exactly that will look like. There is no one standard way someone might attack you. It could be for any number of reasons, from any direction, and with any number of people or weapons. So it won’t help if I tell you what exactly to look for. That will only narrow your focus and increase the chances of something I don’t mention slipping by your notice.

But what I can tell you is that there are generally two categories of assailants who target women. There are Resource Predators such as car jackers, muggers, or other kinds of robbers, and Process Predators such as domestic abusers, rapists, and serial killers. Again, they can look any number of ways and use any number of methods, so this is more to help you understand what they want, not necessarily what they will look like. These are two very different types of predators with two very different types of goals. So the elements to watch out for, as well as the tactics to best avoid, evade, or de-escalate them, will be different. But both are equally dangerous and important to be aware of.

The Resource Predator wants something you have and has decided it’s worth the risk to get it from you. He’s willing to use violence, but only if intimidation alone won’t be sufficient. This is a form of asocial violence, where the assailant is not targeting their victim as a person but rather as a resource, or the possessor of a resource, that he wants such as your purse, your money, or your car.

These situations can sometimes be more dangerous if they become violent, because the assailant is choosing to ignore the humanity of his victim. So he won’t hesitate to hurt you as much as necessary to get the thing he wants. At the same time though, they are also often more easily resolved without violence. With a Resource Predator, you can usually just give up the resource he wants and he’ll have no reason to hurt you.

The Process Predator is not so easily appeased. For him, the use of violence is the reason itself. The violence is the goal. This is an example of social violence where the goal is to enforce or uphold social beliefs, rules, territories, or status, usually in order to assert dominance over the other person. With a Process Predator, the thing you’d have to give up to resolve the situation is yourself – which is far more valuable and not at all worth it.

These situations are often harder to resolve without violence. The Process Predator requires privacy and time for what he intends to do. This often means needing to move you to a second location with more privacy and security than where he first attacks. This is called a secondary location, and this must be prevented at all costs. Once there, the likelihood of violence escalating to rape, torture, and even murder is extremely high, and the chances of you escaping are extremely low. So any risk you have to take in order to escape before it gets to that is worth the price.

Now this is what women like us are more likely to face. As for what they will look like, the only advice I can give you is to be aware of your own biases. Statistically, 57% of sexual assault perpetrators are white. And 50% are 30 years or older. I’m not saying ignore any uneasy feeling you might get from someone who doesn’t fit this profile. I’m just saying keep an open mind and maybe don’t ignore that uneasy feeling you get from an older white dude.

Now while I tell you all of this to keep in mind, I don’t want you to spend too much energy worrying about trying to identify these types of predators. Firstly, it’s never that simple. People are complex creatures. It won’t look the same in everyone. Secondly, it’s not my intention to scare you or put you on edge everywhere you go. That’s not a very fun way to live. I only want you to keep this in the back of your mind for those moments when your intuition perks up or your gut tells you something is off. Then this information can help you determine if there is a real and imminent danger.

Your gut is very smart. Not just biologically, but also psychologically. You know when something’s up. When something doesn’t feel right. That “womanly intuition” as it’s so often called is called that for a reason. Because we women tend to be very in tune with our instincts about our surroundings. It’s a superpower that you should absolutely embrace and enhance. It doesn’t mean find danger around every corner. But it does mean listen to your body when you feel it tense up. When your heart starts to race, your shoulders contract, your skin tingles, your eyes dart around.

Know what it feels like in your body when your inner warning bells start to go off, so you can recognize it right away and take advantage of that heightened energy and awareness. We often ignore or deny that feeling when it’s happening. So the best lesson you can learn here is to listen to it and heed it. Better to be ready for something that never happens than not ready when something does.

Better safe than sorry, right?

Let’s do some drills to help you master your situational and self awareness. So when you’re ready and willing, move on to the next video and practice them yourself. And then watch how they start to transform your self awareness and your self confidence.

Video Transcript:

Now it’s your turn to master how you will AVOID dangers. It’s not everyday you get to practice being avoidant. So let’s try avoiding some shit.

1st Drill: Eye scanning.

You want to stay alert, keeping all of your senses as sharp, undistracted, and ready as possible. Look side to side, up and down, near and far, in front, behind, and all the way around you. Take note of everything that could potentially become a threat or dangerous situation. Like someone walking behind you a little too closely. Or a guy hovering by his sketchy looking van parked suspiciously near you. Or maybe that car that seems to be following you or driving a little too erratically.

Now you give it a try. Wherever you’re watching this video, I want you to stand up. Go on. Now take a good look around you. If possible, take your laptop or your phone that you’re watching this on with you and just pop outside real quick. Now I want you to stop watching me and take a good look around you. What do you notice? What catches your eye? Use all of your senses and take note of everything, especially anything that seems slightly dodgy.

… Now Your Turn …

I realize you might not have much to go on at the moment, but you never know. And just the act of practicing noticing each thing will get you in the habit for when the world does finally start going again.

2nd Drill: Know your frequented areas and routes.

For example: I always take this public transit home from work and there are usually this many or this type of others riding too. So I’ll take note if someone gets on who seems to stand out or maybe look at me too much. Or I usually walk this way to the store, but that dark alley shortcut probably isn’t the safest. So I’ll be prepared to take the longer, more populated, and well lit route when it seems smarter. Or I usually park in this parking garage, so now I’ll be extra careful walking to my car, and maybe keep a weapon on me at the ready, if it seems too empty or dark.

Now your turn. Think through all your regular routes to and from your regular haunts. Your home. Your work. Your gym. Your stylist. The store. Your favorite cafes. Or restaurants. Or bars. Your friends’ and family’s homes. What do you normally pass by on your way? Who do you usually see? What are you often doing as you go that might distract you or hinder your awareness? What areas might be prime for an assailant to sneak up on you or get you alone?

… Now Your Turn …

Your homework this week is to continue this exercise for each of your regular routes and stops for at least an hour or two this week. Take a typical day in the life of you, go through it step by step, and take note of each and every thing you might notice along the way. If you do go anywhere this week, even better. Pay attention to your surroundings and to your gut instincts as you go, and note everything you see or feel that you might not have noticed before.

Now as you do this exercise, remember to write down every possible danger or threat. Make a list. Check it twice. Identify what around you could be naughty or nice. ?

As you do this, also notice how this starts to change the way you move and carry yourself. And be warned, I might be checking your work. So do your best!

Video Transcript:

In order to Avoid dangers, it’s a very good idea to educate yourself on what kinds of dangers you might expect where you’re going, so you can prepare and make sure you’re ready for any of them just in case. This means researching your destination. And in today’s age of information and the magic of the internet, this is very easy to do.

Do your homework before you go. Gather helpful tips and advice (including any mistakes to avoid) from your friends over social media, over Zoom or, if you can, over coffee. Especially if any of them are also avid travelers with lots of experience with where you’re going. I feel like I’m always seeing people ask for trip recommendations on Facebook, and I’ve used it a few times myself, to varying degrees of success. At least those posts always seem to get a boatload of responses.

It might end up being an overwhelming amount of information, but that’s par for the course on the internet anyway. At least in this case, it might be nice to have as much info as possible, and you can take all the suggestions you get with differently sized grains of salt. Plus you never know who you know who’s planning to go to the same place as you at the same time.

Of course, besides friends’ tips, you should also read up on your destination from reputable online sources like Trip Advisor, and Lonely Planet, and the CDC. Or you can go old school with travel guide books. There is something really nice about having a physical book to flip through and dog ear. Especially while you’re on your way there on the plane (or other forms of transportation). Who hasn’t seen that classic movie scene of “annoying the person sitting next to you with random facts about your destination.”

Then when you’re done, you can always gift that travel book or all your travel research to pass on all of that wisdom and margin notes on your destination. It’s always nice to pay it forward for other Tough Cookie Travelers.

Video Transcript:

Avoiding dangers when traveling also includes watching out for travel scams. Resource predators abound in touristy areas where unsuspecting travelers can fall prey to the many different scams and cons and thefts that can be quite common, depending on where you are. So you’ll want to be extra prepared for this, both as you research your destination as well as once you are there.

Depending on where you’re traveling, there are a good many travel scams to watch out for. So do your research and know what’s common where you’re going. Some are pretty universal in any large city. Like pickpockets, muggers, and homeless asking for handouts.

You also don’t wanna let anyone hand you or put anything on you, like a bracelet, or a necklace, or pretty flowers. It’s most likely a scam to then demand payment from you for that item you didn’t even want as soon as they’ve got it on you. Or pickpocket you while you’re distracted.

You also need to make sure you’re safe taking photos of tourist attractions or performances. This is especially true in African countries like Morocco, where street performers will often demand payment from you for taking their photos.

Also watch out for taxi scams and other transportation services.Especially in less developed countries where kidnapping is more common, it’s important to be wary of anyone offering you a ride. Even seemingly harmless people claiming to have their own taxi. Be smart. Use the legitimate taxi stands. Also make sure they use their meters and charge you fairly.

Or just book yourself a rental car from a reputable company before you go. It’s worth the extra cost to be safer than sorry-er.

There are also more tech savvy thieves who can steal your personal information without ever physically touching you. That’s why it’s important to keep your ID and credit cards in an RFID protected wallet or purse. It’s just as important (perhaps more so) to protect your identity as much as your stuff. This also means being careful what information you give out about yourself. If someone is asking you for sensitive or private information, like your bank account or ID numbers, make sure you first verify who is asking. Ask to see their identification and if you’re still not sure, call their company to confirm.

If it’s a police officer or similar authority figure, ask to see their badge (nicely, of course) and maybe even write down their badge number and name. You have the right to ask for this information. And it’s a good habit to get into anytime you interact with law enforcement. You never know when that information could come in handy.

And whatever you do, never ever give out your passport number (except on that customs form on the plane) or your passwords. I hope that goes without saying, but I’m gonna say it anyway.

Video Transcript:

The next letter in our alphabet is B for Backtrack. As soon as your newfound awareness skills spot something that could put your life in danger, as soon as that danger feels real and imminent, the next step is to find an exit route and get out of there as quickly and safely as possible.

Remember this acronym – ETGS: Escape To Gain Safety. (Okay, technically it’s an initialism.)

This is your one and ONLY goal in self defense. Not to fight. Not to beat your attacker. Or talk him down. Or be the hero. If you must do these things in order to get away safely, then do so. But only as far as is necessary to GET AWAY. And NO further. It is unbelievably important that you get away safely as soon as you can. Always take that option if it’s available. That should be your default vs. engaging with a potential threat. If you can’t avoid it altogether, then evade evade evade. And here’s how.

Get into the habit of identifying escape routes as soon as you walk into a new environment. Often the most obvious option is back the way you came in. But look for others. Like other roads, side streets, walkways, or even usable vehicles. If you’re inside, look for doors, or windows, or roofs or balconies if there’s a way down, or even vents if they’re big enough. It’s always good to have more than one escape option, so you’re prepared to get the hell out of there no matter what goes down.

Now there is an evil villain you must be wary of, and that is Mr. Freeze. (No don’t be silly, not Arnold Schwarzenneger.) I’m talking about that nasty freeze that takes hold of your body when panic or shock hits you. When your parasympathetic nervous system activates, decreasing your heart rate and your muscular response. It’s part of that fight, flight, or freeze dilemma we’re all so fond of. In self defense, the only bad option there is the freeze.

But the good news is that just the act of looking around for potential dangers, and escape routes, and other important situational indicators and warning signs will keep your body moving and breathing. Which is the best way to fight the freeze. The key is to get out of your head and into your body. Breathe. Move your body. Use your voice. Focus on what you can physically feel. And you’ll be able to stay alert, calm, and ready to flee as soon as safely possible.

Okay so how do you know when it’s safe to escape? Well it’s all about getting to safety, right? So you should escape as soon as you feel you could safely reach a place of safety (that you hopefully already have in mind) without being attacked or stopped before you get there. You don’t have to feel in serious danger to leave either. We’ll talk in the next module more about what constitutes a real and imminent threat. But for the purposes of this exercise, you don’t need a good reason. You can run away any time you like. There is no shame or blame in that.

Okay so then what sorts of safe places could you escape to? Well let’s think about what safety means to you. Who would you go to for help if you’re feeling in danger? The most obvious option would be any police officer, law enforcement, or security guard that you can find nearby. Your local police station, or firehouse, or hospital, or courthouse… really any government building open to the public is probably a safe bet. If none of those are available, a good backup could be any place of business with customer service or staff who’d be readily available to call for more help, like a hotel or a large store or shopping mall. If you’re at home or in your neighborhood, it’s good to have a neighbor’s house in mind where you know someone you trust is usually home.

The idea is to make a beeline for anyone you know you can trust to help. If you don’t have any of these options available within reachable distance, the next best thing is any public place that is busy and crowded. There is safety in numbers.

Obviously that may not be much of an option at the moment. But once we all return to a state of post-pandemic normal, you will be able to access more public places for safety. Of course at the same time, you’ll likewise face more ways to be attacked. Unfortunately, they do go together. You gotta take the bad with the good. So I guess that’s one reason to be grateful for our current COVID situation. Silver lining.

That is, unless you are in a dangerous situation right now where you are. In which case, I commend you for having the courage to get this course, and I strongly urge you to take the next step and call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). It’s free, and available 24/7, and the people there can help you. So please don’t hesitate to call them.

Now hopefully all of this has given you a better sense of how to find exit routes and people and places of safety, as well as how to know when to escape to gain safety. But it’s always good to practice. So when you are ready, go ahead and move on to the next video and give these a go yourself.

Go on. I’m right behind you.

Video Transcript:

Now’s your turn to practice these Backtracking skills. You’re already eye scanning and identifying potential dangers, right? Well now as you do that, let’s add in identifying possible exit routes around you, as well as reachable people and places of safety.

Let’s return to last module’s exercise of mentally (or literally) walking through all of your regular routes and stops in your typical day. Go back through that process and this time, as you go through each route and setting, notice and note down all of the possible exit routes and places of safety within reachable distance.

• Is there more than one way out of your home?

• Your office?

• Your favorite bar?

• Your favorite cafe?

• Your gym?

• Your local store?

• Your salon?

• Do your usual streets have any side alleys, or shortcuts, or alternate routes?

• Do you pass by a police station or fire station or hospital on any of your routes?

• Do you see security guards posted at any entrances or around public transit stations?

• Is there a hotel along the way that always seems to be bustling and well staffed?

• Do you have a friend living down the street who works from home?

• Is there a public park or square nearby that’s usually busy?

… Now Your Turn …

Also think about how you’d get to these places of safety. That might create new routes, right? So now let’s go through those new routes in your head too and note down everything you’d encounter along the way that might help or hinder you in getting to safety.

Make new lists for both these escape routes and all these safe destinations.

… Now Your Turn …

I want you to continue this exercise as you go about all of your regular routines and routes for at least another hour or two this week. Wherever you go (if you go anywhere) practice making note of all the possible exit routes and reachable places of safety every time. Over and over until it becomes habit. It needs to be instinct by the time it really counts.

The more you can mentally rehearse every possible option and scenario, the more prepared you’ll be to act quickly when it matters most, when the danger is imminent, and the panic sets in, and you don’t have the luxury of pausing to figure out what to do or where to go. You do have the time now. So take advantage of that and prepare yourself.

Video Transcript:

Your #1 goal in self defense still applies when you’re traveling. You want to be ready to escape to gain safety as quickly as possible no matter where you are, and that may be harder to do if you’re traveling somewhere you don’t know as well. So that means really getting to know your way around where you’re traveling, so you’re familiar with all of the possible local exit routes and places of safety.

This will also make you feel more comfortable and confident where you’re traveling, almost like a local, which will make your trip both more safe and more fun.

Study a map of your destination before you go, while on your way there, and as soon as you get there. Basically all throughout your journey. The more often, the better. A lot of the accommodations I mentioned earlier will have maps and guides available, and usually some very friendly people happy to walk you through them. Take advantage of that and put in some study time before you head out on the town.

Learn the major street names and general neighborhoods near you and your planned activities. Get familiar with the public transit map, and make sure you know how one gets and uses a local transit pass. You should especially plan out your route before going out at night or to areas where you know you’ll have poorer reception. And whenever possible, plan to arrive places during daylight hours.

Then whatever you do, try to NOT open up those maps and stare at them while you’re out and about. This can call attention to you, and not the good kind. You might as well wear a “Hi I’m lost” sign. And that makes you look like an easy target.

If you must reference a map, keep it folded small and subtle in your hand. Or better yet, stealthily reference the map on your phone.

If you take or rent a car on your trip, stay inside your car while you peruse your maps and directions. Park in a busy area and keep the doors locked, so you stay protected while your attention is preoccupied. Get your bearings quickly, but never fully take your attention off of your immediate surroundings. If it comes down to it, it’s more important to know what’s around you right now vs. where you’re going next.

In general, don’t be afraid to take the time to think things through and follow common sense, even if you think you’ll look stupid or seem impolite. Your safety is more important than your reputation. And “with your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.”

Besides staying safer, the other benefit to knowing your way around is being free to focus on your surroundings and take your time with them. Especially if you’re traveling alone and don’t have anyone with you to keep up with or slow down for. You can go wherever you want, for however long you want, at whatever pace you want. We all have that friend who takes forever to go anywhere, or the friend who speeds through a museum like there’s a prize at the end.

Imagine all the stress and guilt you’re saving yourself by traveling solo safely. It’s ultimate freedom and independence. And who doesn’t want that? Plus as a bonus, you’ll look more confident when you’re moving at the pace you’re most comfortable.

Video Transcript:

Places of safety are especially crucial to identify when you’re traveling, because you’ll be in a new environment you aren’t as familiar with. So as you’re planning your trip and researching your destination, make sure you locate all of the safer areas, establishments, and accommodations for your trip.

Now I’m not saying don’t ever venture somewhere less perfectly safe. That wouldn’t make traveling very fun. Just be aware of where they are and be ready to quickly backtrack to any of these safe options when needed. If you’re going to travel solo, there are better and worse places to lay your head, if you want that head to stay untouched and safely atop your body.

For example, not so good: a budget hotel in the cheaper part of town where a pushy taxi driver insists he knows the owners and can get you a great deal.

Much better: a busy hotel or hostel packed with fellow travelers in a bustling, well-lit part of town.

Other good options include an AirBnB or B&B with a highly rated local host, a popular and well-reviewed hostel, or couch-surfing with other trustworthy locals (though this is understandably a tad riskier).

Wherever you choose to stay, make sure you arrange it through a reliable, reputable website like Booking.com, Hotels.com, or HostelWorld.

This is a huge part of ensuring travel safety, so please book wisely. Don’t half ass this step. Or whole ass it. Just don’t ass it at all.

Video Transcript:

There’s one more crucial step to staying backtrack-ready while you’re traveling. Once you’ve researched your destination and gotten familiar with all of its exit routes and safe places, you also need to stay alert, mobile, and ready to utilize all of that awesome new information. The good news is we’re usually a bit more focused on how light we’re packing, and how prepared we are to react to what happens around us when we’re traveling.

But here are a few specific tips I have on staying alert, light, and covered during your travels.

First and foremost, watch your alcohol intake. Drink to enjoy, not to get drunk. And watch your drink! Or avoid drinking entirely if you’re in a country, like say in the Middle East, where it’s illegal. If you get drunk (or worse), your judgement and motor skills will be significantly impaired, meaning your ability to react quickly and intelligently. When I’m traveling alone, I never let myself have more than two drinks in a night. It helps me keep my senses sharp, and it’s easier on my travel budget too.

You also want to keep your head up and looking around you, taking note of anything odd or suspicious you might want to avoid. Keep note of exit routes, in case you need to get away quickly.

It doesn’t hurt to be seen looking around and paying attention either. And listening. That means not wearing both headphones or staring at your phone. Both will prevent you from quickly noticing things around you, while also making you seem like an easier target.

It’s also good to have a makeshift weapon at the ready, like your keys between your fingers. Or a travel-friendly self defense keychain. I personally always travel with a tactical pen like this one.

And remember to keep those eyes scanning. Though maybe try to do so in a friendly manner. The goal is to appear alert, not like an asshole.

You also want to stay light and ready to move. You never know when you’ll need to grab everything and run, either to catch a train or to evade that creepy guy who just will not leave you alone. Whatever the case, it’s good to stay mobile-ready. So keep your things compact and portable.

Use a spacious but light bag, and wear it cross-body so your hands and arms are free to grab that last thing you almost left behind. Or defend yourself. The point is to have everything essential you may need on you, but in such a way that you aren’t encumbered if you need to move quickly.

As for staying covered, I mean this both physically, with proper weather protection, and theoretically, with proper travel insurance.

If your destination has any chance of inclement weather, you’ll want to be prepared with a good compact umbrella, versatile rain or snow layers, and ideally waterproof (or at least water resistant) shoes.

In terms of travel insurance, I know it’s easy to skip this step. But you never know what disaster may strike, like a canceled flight, or lost luggage, or a run in with a drunk driver. “I’m sorry to say so but, sadly, it’s true that Bang-ups and Hang-ups can happen to you.” So as the cliche goes, it’s better to be safe than sorry.

Traveling, especially alone as a woman, is already a pretty courageous endeavor. You don’t need to take any additional unnecessary risks. That won’t make you any more of a badass. Just plain stupid. So don’t drink too much. Stay alert. Pack light. Bring an umbrella. Get insurance. And while you’re at it, do other smart protective things, you know, like buckle your seatbelt, and wear a helmet, and put on that bright neon orange life vest.

Your safety is not worth the picture perfect selfie that will be like totally ruined.

Video Transcript:

Our next ABC is C for Control. As in maintaining control of your mind and your body, and the situation as far as you’re able, as well as preparing yourself for what’s about to happen. Because if you cannot escape, if the threat cannot be avoided or evaded, then your only other option to get away to safety is to confront the threat directly.

There may still be an opportunity to de-escalate the situation before it becomes physically violent. But that will take a lot of courage, confidence, and control for you to do. So it is crucial that you prepare yourself both mentally as well as physically. This involves knowing precisely where your mental, physical, and legal boundaries lie. So you can draw them clearly in the moment and use them as a barometer for what to do next. They may help you to de-escalate the situation. Or at the very least be prepared in case things do get violent.

Your mental and physical boundaries depend on knowing your own body and mind, how far you’re willing to go, and where your comfort level and abilities end. It’s good to be realistic about any physical disadvantages you may have against your assailant. But it’s also important to remember that you do have a lot of mental and verbal power inside that body of yours which, if used properly, can be quite effective at deterring them or increasing their risk of being identified, injured, or caught.

Now with these boundaries in mind, the very first thing to do is to breathe. Yes. Breathe. Because if you stop breathing, then your brain and your body stop moving. And remember, the worst thing you can do in this situation is freeze. Breathing will also help you manage all the adrenaline that’s now coursing through your body. So take deep breaths to free yourself from the freeze, keep those wheels turning, and ready your body for action.

The next step as you breathe is to get into your Ready Stance. This both prepares your body for action and signals to your assailant that you see them and you are ready to defend yourself.

A Ready Stance is basically a physical embodiment of that Zanshin relaxed readiness – centered, calm, yet prepared to move at any provocation. You’ll want one leg back, arms up, elbows in at your sides, and your palms flashing open. Feet hip width apart, weight light and ready to shift. And shift they shall. As your assailant moves, if they move, so should you move with them, tracking them, so you always stay facing them in “ready” position at all times. This palm flashing is a universal boundary signal that all humans are wired to recognize. Even toddlers know what it means.

Now besides a strong balanced tracking stance and palm flashing, it can also be a good idea to have a weapon at the ready. Either already subtly in your hand or else tucked away somewhere easily grabbable. Now you want to be careful not to escalate the situation by pulling out a weapon. So do this with caution and use your judgement. But if your assailant already has a weapon out, then it’s not a bad idea to counter with your own to once again show them that you’re ready and trigger their fear of getting injured. So it’s still good to have something ready or ready-able on you at all times, even if it’s just your keys, or a keychain, or even a pencil (like John Wick). At least it’s better than nothing.

Now you’ll be tempted to tense up or flex your muscles. But don’t. That won’t actually make you any more prepared or strong. A tense muscle is a slow muscle. You are stronger, faster, and more effective when you are relaxed and ready. It’s about balancing the two, being comfortable with and sure of oneself. Flexible, clear of mind, and fully focused.

In self defense, clarity adds speed.

Now after the Ready Stance is the loud verbal warning. And I mean loud. Now is not the time to be shy. This could be telling your assailant to “Stop,” or “Go away,” or “Leave you alone.” It can involve calling out for “Help!” Whatever words you choose, the key is to yell it as sharply and clearly as possible. This has many benefits. It gives a verbal warning to your potential assailant. It gets the attention of any bystanders and witnesses. And it gives you a boost of confidence at the same time.

Personally, I’m a big fan of just a simple guttural “No!” It’s easy to remember and keep repeating, to reiterate your boundaries and prevent your assailant from getting any window in. Yelling “No” can also carry more meaning and positive reminders for yourself. Like helping you remember, “No I don’t want to hurt anyone,” or “No this is not my choice,” or “No this is not my fault.”

These simple steps can often actually de-escalate the situation before it becomes violent. Simply by showing your assailant that you are ready for them, that you won’t go down without a fight, that you will not go quietly into that good night, is enough to deter the actual fight. Remember, every assailant and criminal has the same common fears: being identified, getting injured, and getting caught. So getting your Ready Stance on and barking up a storm will make all three of those seem a lot more likely.

As Saul Alinsky put it, “Power is not only what you have but what the enemy thinks you have.”

Best of all, what this sharp yell also does is remind you to breathe. Because as you yell, you exhale. And then your body needs to inhale to replace the air you just exhaled. You keep yelling, and the process will repeat. And voila, you’re breathing.

Now as you keep breathing and tracking your assailant in your Ready Stance, keep those mental and physical boundaries top of mind and ready to deploy at any moment. You’ll be the best judge about when you need to use that loud verbal yell, or if just getting into your Ready Stance is enough to deter the threat. And you’ll also know best when it feels safe enough to get away to safety.

Remember, that is still your #1 goal as you do all of this, no matter which ABC you are on. You can and should always bail on your current step and get away to safety as soon as safely possible.

Video Transcript:

Now this module’s lesson comes in two parts. The other key boundary to keep in mind is any legal limitations and potential ramifications you may face. You’ll want to get to know your state or local laws, as well as federal self defense laws.

Let’s start with your state and local self defense laws. Do you live in a Duty To Retreat state? A Castle Doctrine state? A Stand Your Ground state? What are your local weapon ownership and carry laws? Now all of these laws vary from state to state, including in their scope and parameters. So make sure you inform yourself on the specific self defense laws in your state while you have the time to do so. Laws on owning and carrying weapons also vary state to state. So make sure to look up those too while you’re at it.

On the federal level in the United States, self defense is an affirmative defense in court. (Fun fact, so is an insanity plea.) That means you are pleading guilty, but with the justification of self defense. So if the court rules out self defense, you’ve already pleaded guilty to using force. So you could face charges of assault, or battery, or even manslaughter, or murder.

In order for your defense to qualify as self defense, you must be able to explain how the threat felt both real and imminent. And for a threat to be real and imminent, you must be able to identify four things: Intent, Means, Opportunity, and Preclusion.

1. Intent: Your assailant must demonstrate and you must be able to explain how you know that he intends to harm you. It can be obvious like with his words, or less obvious with his actions, his body language, the brandishing of a weapon, but it needs to be clear to you.

2. Means: Whatever the Intent of the threat, he must have the means to carry out the threat. Like actually having a gun when he’s saying he’s going to shoot you.

3. Opportunity: The threat must be able to reach you with those Means. Even if he’s yelling and waving around a knife, if he’s far away or on the other side of locked doors, he does not yet have Opportunity.

4. Preclusion: This means you had no other viable option in reaction to the threat, meaning you couldn’t avoid, evade, or de-escalate it without using force. You must be able to explain why using force was the only option that would safely work.

The only exception to this last requirement is if you are in a “No Duty To Retreat” state, either in your home under Castle Doctrine law or anywhere else covered by Stand Your Ground law. That exception aside, once any of those four has been eliminated or resolved, it is no longer legally self defense. Like if you hurt him and he collapses to the ground injured, he likely doesn’t have as much Means. If he collapses and starts whimpering for you to stop, he also likely doesn’t have as much Intent. If you keep attacking him after any of these four are gone, you won’t be able to argue self defense in court.

That’s why I emphasize that your primary goal is always to get away safely. If you leave as soon as you’re safely able to, even after you start using force, you’ve stayed within the legal boundaries of self defense.

Now that we’ve got those legalities down, let’s add in your mental and physical boundaries from earlier, and you’ll be ready to not only recognize all of them, but verbally and physically reinforce them when you’re in danger. You’ll also know what to expect from both yourself and the authorities in response to an attack.

And as they say, knowledge is power.

When you know all of these boundaries inside and out, you can maintain a state of control and relaxed readiness, hopefully de-escalate the situation, or at least know where to draw the line for yourself and for a self defense legal claim.

So ready to set some boundaries? Then let’s move on to the next video and practice this for realsies.

Video Transcript:

Ready to start controlling your mental, physical, and legal boundaries? Let’s start with figuring out where your mental and physical boundaries lie. Try this Exercise:

Picture yourself facing an man coming at you with a knife. You know without a doubt that that person intends to stab you with that knife until you die, either through their words or through other demonstrated Intent. Either way, you have a real and immediate fear for your life.

Now imagine you have a knife of your own. Or better yet, a gun. Do you shoot your attacker, knowing you are likely dead if you don’t? Let’s say from a legal perspective, you are within your rights to do so. But are you able to? Do your morals and ethics allow it?

Now imagine that your attacker is an elderly man. Do you still shoot?
What if it’s a woman?
A pregnant woman?
A child?
Do you still shoot?

I realize this is kind of a fucked up exercise, but it can be incredibly helpful for your mental preparation and your personal understanding. It’s always good to know how far is too far for you.

… Now Your Turn …

Now with these personal boundaries in mind, let’s move on to how you set and enforce those boundaries.

First, let’s find your ideal Ready Stance. Stand up wherever you’re watching this video and stand with feet hip width apart. Now step back with one foot. Which side did you naturally step back with? This will probably be your dominant side, but go with what feels most comfortable. This is your natural stance. Don’t fight it.

Next, raise up your arms, elbows bent at your sides, with your hands up and palms flashing forward. If you feel it necessary, you can have a weapon ready in one hand as well. But if you don’t feel it necessary yet, or don’t want to escalate the situation by pulling it out, this is still a good time to make sure you have that weapon – whatever it is – tucked away somewhere close by and quickly reachable, like in your pocket.

So give that a try now. Get your weapon of choice – be it a simple key or keychain, a pen or tactical pen, an umbrella or baton, a knife, pepper spray, taser, or even a handgun – whatever you’re willing to buy or you already own, or any other object around you in your daily routine that could potentially become a weapon in your hand. Practice getting into your Ready Stance with the weapon ready, both tucked away and in your hand. You want to stay in this position for as long as you feel necessary or as long as the threat is there, facing the threat in this 45 degree angle for the best visibility and mobility.

Now in this position, you’re going to shift as your assailant or potential threat moves, tracking them so you always stay facing them in this ready position.

… Now Your Turn …

If the threat remains or gets worse after you get into your Ready Stance, then the next step is your loud verbal warning. Make sure it’s strong, decisive, and clear. Leave no room for misinterpreting what you mean. So find a place where you can safely yell without causing a panic and let’s give a few a try.

• How about a warning like “Stop!” or “Go away!” or “Leave me alone!”

• Maybe a call for help. “Help!” “I’m being attacked!”

• Or try loudly yelling a description of the threat in front of you. Like, “The man in the blue shirt is attacking me!”

• Or perhaps you’d prefer to keep it simple with just “No!”

• Try it repeatedly. “No no no no!”

• If the threat doesn’t feel serious enough yet to warrant something that extreme, you can still give a verbal warning. Try something a little less intense, but still clear, like “Sorry I can’t help you.”

… Now Your Turn …

Remember, this verbal yell is meant to help you set and enforce your boundaries, give a warning, try to de-escalate the situation, alert bystanders, give yourself a boost of confidence, and remind your body to breathe to fight off the freeze.

You are breathing, right?

It has many benefits and it rarely hurts more than it helps. So don’t be afraid to use it if you need to. Also don’t worry about being nice. I know it will feel uncomfortable to break from what you’ve been taught is polite. But it is far better to be rude than be injured or dead.

Your homework assignment this week is to continue practicing setting and enforcing these boundaries with your Ready Stance, your palm flashing, your tracking footwork, your weapons at the ready, and your verbal warning. Both on your own and with as many encounters as you feasibly can this week.

Well, what are you waiting for? Off you go!

Video Transcript:

Ready to continue controlling your boundaries? Your next exercise is to find your legal boundaries.

So open a new browser window on your laptop or your phone or whatever device you’re using at the moment, and let’s do a quick search for your state’s local self defense laws. Simply type in your state’s name and “self defense laws” and you should find all the information you need in the first few results.

Make sure you confirm whether your state falls under Duty To Retreat, Castle Doctrine, or Stand Your Ground laws and what the specifications of those are.This is definitely a situation when it’s good to read the fine print.

… Now Your Turn …

If you’re also interested in owning or carrying a weapon of your own, then start a new search and type in your state and “weapon laws” to look up the specifics on what weapons you’re allowed to own, carry in public, and take with you traveling.

Like on an airplane if you fly on one anytime soon…

Make sure you do this search for each type of weapon you’re considering.

… Now Your Turn …

We’ll talk more about how to effectively use each of these weapons in the next module. Except for mace, tasers, and guns, which I strongly recommend against unless you are trained and comfortable using them.

Guns especially are significantly more advanced and deadly than any other weapon here, and they go beyond the scope of this basic training. So if you are interested in learning how to use a handgun, I strongly recommend finding an NRA certified handgun safety course (like The Well Armed Woman certified instructors in your area) to get you started.

Keep in mind, if your state doesn’t allow any good options for traditional weapons, there are still plenty of common everyday items that can provide you with some decent weapon support.

Now as long as we’re here in the search browser, you might as well do a quick search for the federal self defense laws in your country as well. Especially if you’re outside the US, as these can differ from what I covered in the last video. Either way, it’s a good idea to look it up for yourself and make sure you’re familiar with all the particulars. Remember, knowledge is power.

… Now Your Turn …

You should now have a whole lot more knowledge about your mental, physical, and legal boundaries, where they are and how to confidently set and enforce them.

Your homework assignment this week is to continue researching and setting these boundaries, your state or local laws, as well as federal self defense laws.

So go ahead and do that now. I’ll wait.

Video Transcript:

Staying in control and setting boundaries for yourself can be a little harder when you’re traveling, because you’re already a bit (or a lot) outside your comfort zone. So it’s extra important to develop your mental, physical, and legal boundaries as they pertain to where you’re traveling. From a mental and physical standpoint, this is largely about self-awareness and self-confidence.

Confidence is key to traveling safely, especially as a woman. But it’s easier said than done. Even the most badass highly trained of us struggle with feeling completely confident in new environments. It’s perfectly normal. Healthy, even. Overconfidence can make you too relaxed, and some uncertainty can help you be more alert. But you don’t want it to be obvious if you don’t feel entirely confident yet.

So the solution is simple. Fake it.

Stand in a power pose.

Put on a positive face and pretend to believe in yourself.

Say a mantra to psych yourself up if you need.

Then see what that does for you and your travels. Not only will you get around more safely and assuredly, but you’ll also start to build some real, actual, bonafide confidence.

Social psychologist and TED talk speaker Amy Cuddy calls this the “postural feedback effect.” How we carry our bodies affects how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with others. It’s amazing how much you can get away with when you act like you know what you’re doing.

You want to appear as if you know what you’re doing even if you don’t. While it’s good to ask when you need help and speak up for yourself, you still want to be wary of how much attention you draw to yourself. Especially in potentially sketchy situations.

You don’t have to be friends with everyone. It’s okay to trust your gut. Depending on the situation or location, it’s sometimes smarter to stay low-key and blend in. The point here is to avoid looking lost or confused, which would make you an easy target for those with less upstanding intentions.

Plus it can’t hurt to maintain a little mystery. Don’t feel like you need to tell people everything about yourself. You don’t owe them any explanation for who you are or why you’re traveling alone.

Again, this is your trip, to do on your terms. You can tell people however much or little as you want. Remembering that will help you stay extra safe and strong.

Video Transcript:

When danger strikes while you’re traveling, it can be a bit harder to maintain control of your person and your personal effects. So knowing how and where to secure the more valuable of these – like your ID, your passport, your money, your travel documents, etc – is really important to think about and prepare for ahead of time.

Contrary to what some might suggest, I would caution against leaving your more valuable possessions in your room when you go out. But then it depends where you’re staying and how secure it is.

If you have a room to yourself that locks, with a secure safe inside that also locks, that could be a better option than risk losing everything of value to a pickpocket or mugger all at once.

But if you’re sharing a room, especially with a stranger, maybe err on the side of keeping your stuff with you on your person.

You can always keep it more secure with a portable safe. That way, even if someone grabs it off you, they’ll have trouble getting to the goodies inside.

Wherever is the most secure, keep your real passport there. Then keep copies elsewhere as backups. If you do bring anything along with you, keep it well hidden. Like in a travel belt, or hidden bra wallet, or this clever underwear with a super stealthy crotch pocket. You can also take a page out of the ol’ spy handbook and keep a dummy wallet on you.

If you keep your phone in your pocket, make sure it’s your front pocket.

Wear any bags, purses, and cameras across your body and keep one hand resting on it as you go.

I also like to keep a spare $20 bill (or the equivalent in local currency) tucked away somewhere for backup, like in my bra or my sock. If you lose everything else, $20 bucks can come in quite handy.

Again, the more prepared, the better.

Video Transcript:

Above all, when you’re traveling, it’s unbelievably important that you stay calm, collected, and keep your wits about you. Because our archnemesis Mr. Freeze is even more powerful when we’re already venturing outside our comfort zone.

So if and when danger strikes on your travels, you gotta be extra ready to breathe, fight off the freeze, and trust your gut to stay in control and make smart, quick decisions to keep yourself safe. Listen to your instincts and heed what they tell you.

Women like us are known for our intuition. So use it to your advantage. And when it tells you something is off, don’t ignore it for fear of being rude or making a mistake. Trust yourself. And don’t be afraid to say something or better yet leave if your gut is telling you to.

Remember, the best protection is prevention. If you can avoid a potentially dangerous or compromising situation altogether, so much the better.

So when in doubt, just walk away. Or tell someone to go away. Don’t risk it. You won’t do yourself any favors by freaking out. Or freezing.

I realize this is easier said than done, and it’s hard to know how you’ll react until you’re facing it. It’s understandable to panic in the face of danger. But it’s imperative to your survival that you stay calm and in control of yourself. You can’t control the situation or what others may do, but you can control how you respond. And you are stronger than you think.

So do like Frankie says and relax. Breathe. Think. And then act like the smart, tough cookie you are.

Panic isn’t helpful beforehand either. Even if your gut is telling you shit’s gonna hit the fan imminently. Yes listen to your gut, but with composure and reasoning. You won’t be doing your gut any favors if you freak out. Fear can be a healthy emotion. It’s your body’s way of keeping you alert and ready. But there’s a difference between trepidation and full-blown panic.

It never helps to panic.

So as you absorb and embody all of the advice I’ve given you here, remember above all to keep your wits about you and stay confidently cool, calm, and collected.

Video Transcript:

Our next ABC, D for Defend, is our meatiest and probably most eagerly anticipated. So let’s dive right on in and learn how to actually physically defend yourself.

Now remember to keep in mind the boundaries we learned in the last module, including the legal limitations and consequences. I cannot stress enough how these moves you are about to learn should ONLY be used as a last resort, and only as far as is necessary for you to safely escape to safety. But if you absolutely cannot escape without using force, then let’s teach you how to fight back.

Remember ETGS?

Well that same acronym (*initialism*) can help you remember how and where to strike. ETGS also stands for Eyes or Ears, Throat, Groin, and Shins or Stomach. These are the most sensitive and effective spots to strike when you need to damage your assailant enough to (say it with me) escape to safety.

You may also recall another handy acronym used in the movie Miss Congeniality: SING. S-I-N-G. Stomach, Instep, Nose, and Groin. That’s also a useful one to remember, and the same points are just as effective places to strike. It just depends on what you’re more comfortable with and what the situation calls for. ETGS might be more useful for a frontal or side attack, whereas SING could be handy if you’re attacked from behind. Though either can be helpful for any situation, as long as you’ve got the moves down and committed to muscle memory.

Now before we get into the details of these moves and their applications, there are a few more points I want to make clear about the use of force to defend yourself. These are super important, so please do pay attention 007.

1. If the threat feels real and imminent, and you cannot escape, you have every right to defend yourself (as far as is necessary). Don’t forget this.

2. Assume every threat and assailant you face is armed (and willing to kill you with that weapon) and has friends who may jump in at any time, even if you don’t currently see any weapon or other assailants. You always want to be prepared for the worst case scenario, whether or not it actually occurs. And the price you’d pay for not being prepared for either of these scenarios could be your life.

3. Remember that loud verbal yell? Repeat it with every strike as you hit. It will help you keep setting boundaries, calling for help, and continue breathing and managing your adrenaline, as well as put a little oomph into every hit.

4. True power doesn’t come from strength, but from leverage, rotation, and speed. Of course shear strength helps, especially fueled by adrenaline. But it’s useless without these three. So make sure you’re using this Power Trio in every move as well.

5. Leverage in particular is best achieved by constantly driving forward, taking ground, and keeping your assailant off balance. I realize this sounds counter-intuitive, and perhaps a bit intimidating, but it’s actually very smart. If you keep him off balance, he can’t get in any decent hits or grabs, and he can’t overpower you.

6. You lose significant leverage, rotation, and speed if you’re taken to the ground. So you must prevent this at all costs. This is your worst case scenario. Do not let the fight go to the ground.

7. If you are taken to the ground, and even if you’re not, always keep your chin tucked, elbows up, and your feet between you and your assailant.

8. (And a personal favorite of mine.) If it’s near your mouth, bite it. ‘Nuff said.

9. It never happens like you imagine it will. Leave your assumptions and expectations at the door. They will only get you in trouble.

10. I will say this over and over again: Escape, escape, escape. As soon as safely possible. At your earliest possible convenience. Especially if a weapon is involved. This should always be your first priority. It is far easier to escape an assailant than to conquer one.

If you can remember these 10 rules, you will already have a huge leg up on the vast majority of people out there. So commit these to memory and to heart. Keep them in mind as we go through each move and scenario in this module. And make sure you’re utilizing them in your own drills and practices, both at home and out in the real world.

Now let’s get into the moves and the scenarios in which you’d use them. We’re going to focus on 5 Scenarios:

1. Assaults from the front

2. Assaults from the rear

3. Extreme close range

4. Ground assaults

5. Weapon attacks

Those are all the scenarios you need to think about. It doesn’t need to be more complicated than that. There will always be “what ifs” and nuances. But if you stick to the basic principles, you will be able to handle any situation. I’m going to show you a basic set of moves that you can apply to each of these scenarios in different combinations. But everything I show you can be used in all of these scenarios.

I’m not going to make you memorize different moves for every scenario. That would be a god awful amount of stuff to learn, and there are far too many variations to account for. Remember, these moves are only as effective as you’re able to use them instinctively in the split second it matters. So your best chance of survival is learning and committing to memory as few moves as possible.

My system is simple, but it’s still a lot to learn. So be patient with yourself. Practice as much as possible. And keep in mind that not everything you learn here is going to work for you. That’s okay. This is a system with something for everybody, not everything for somebody. Just concentrate on the moves that work for you. Practice and memorize those. Don’t fall into the trap of, “You have to master everything.” That’s a load of crap. Even the best fighters have just a handful of “go to” moves. And so can you.

Now without further ado, here are the 10 Basic Moves you are going to learn in this module:

1. The Eye Gouge/Poke

2. The Ear Twist

3. The Palm Strike

4. The Blade/Axe Hand Strike

5. The Elbow Strike

6. The Knee Strike

7. The Groin Kick

8. The Shin/Knee Kick

9. The Foot Stomp

10. The Hip Thrust

In general, you want to strike with muscle-y parts of your body (like your palms, forearms, thighs, and soles of your feet) onto weaker boney parts of your assailant’s body that can’t build muscle (like their nose, chin, shins, and knees).

Now that you’ve got an overview of what this module entails, let’s get to the nitty gritty of how to kick some assailant ass. So grab your practice pads, your clothes, your weapons, and your buddy if you’ve got one, and let’s move on to the next videos where we’ll take each of these 10 moves, break them down one by one, and show how each can be used in all of our scenarios to save your life.

Video Transcript:

Okay let’s learn us some badass moves. Y’all ready for this? Now remember, in every move you want to utilize leverage, rotation, and speed. The Power Trio. So first, let’s practice how you will achieve these tactics three, ‘ere the other side ye see.

For leverage power, practice getting low and centered in your Ready Stance, grounded yet quick on your feet. Move around in this position to get comfortable with it.

The other key to leverage is to keep driving forward with every move, advancing on your assailant and keeping him off balance. So as you move around in your low Ready Stance, practice stepping forward as if driving into your assailant. Think of it as always trying to get to where he’s currently standing.

Now since we want to be always driving forward, we can use that to put even more power into every move with maximum leverage. It’s called the Drop Step. And it’s exactly that: a step you drop into, with your full body weight, as you perform each move and strike. That means that all of your body weight will go into every hit.

Start in low Ready Stance. Now lift your back leg up as if to step forward, but don’t put it down yet. Lean your weight forward and, as your weight reaches a falling point, let yourself fall into a forward step. Don’t put your foot down. Let your full body weight drop you into it. Now repeat this with the other leg, taking another Drop Step forward. And on and on, marching forward with each Drop Step.

… Now Your Turn …

If you need more room, you can practice this move anywhere. Drop Stepping around your house. Drop Stepping down the street. Anywhere you feel comfortable. It’s basically just a weird looking step lunge. People will just think you’re working out your quads and glutes.

For rotation power, you want every hit you do to start from your feet pivoting, come up through your center and your hips turning, and into your shoulders, arms, or legs. You gotta engage that core and use your whole body. So as you practice each of our 10 Basic Moves, try rotating and pushing all that force behind whatever body part you’re striking with.

Just twist your hips and let her rip.

… Now Your Turn …

For speed power, you want to make every move, every strike, every hit snap. Whip it good. Try this Exercise:

Hold your arm out, palm facing up. Now take your other hand and extend it as well on top, palm also facing up, and bring it down onto the first palm. [Smack]

Hurts a little, don’t it?

Now do it again and this time, snap the upper hand back up real quick like immediately after it makes contact with the first palm. [SMACK]

Feel the difference? That sharp sting? That’s exactly what you want every one of your hits to do.

… Now Your Turn …

Now combine that snapping speed with your leverage and rotation, and you’ll have a power the likes of which has never been seen… or at least the likes of which your assailant certainly doesn’t expect to see. So practice this Power Trio until you’ve mastered it with every move you learn in this module.

And you’ll give him the surprise of his life. All while saving your own!

Video Transcript:

Now it’s time to put our Power Trio into our 10 Basic Moves.

Practice each move first into the air and into any kind of padding you have – your pillow, your couch, your punching pad or bag, your dad – and then ideally again with a buddy, though still using pads of course. You don’t wanna hit your buddy at full force… I’m guessing, but who knows? ?

Remember, it’s not just about what you practice, but how you practice. You want to create as realistic of scenarios as possible when you practice these moves, especially with your buddy. This means starting from the approach, not just standing in front of each other already in Ready Stance.

Your assailant could very well catch you off guard and close in before you can get into your Ready Stance. So it’s vital to practice each of these moves from a variety of starting positions, in each of our scenarios, including one where you’re standing there looking away not paying any attention at all. Don’t just stand there and wait for your partner to grab you. Or worse still, offer your hand for the initial grab. It won’t happen like that in real life. So remember to train as realistically as possible.

This includes giving as good as you get (with consent of course), especially when you’re playing the assailant. You’ll get a better sense for what that will feel like and how much you can take, and create a more realistic scenario for you both. Plus, as an added bonus, you get a full sense for how much power your body is capable of. You might be surprised how hard you can actually hit. And how empowering that feels.

It needs to become instinct for you to launch into these moves with full force and feeling as soon as the threat becomes real and imminent and unavoidable. She who hesitates is lost, or injured, or dead.

So with that in mind, let’s start with our 1st Move: the Eye Gouge. E for Eye, the first letter in our ETGS. This is best used in the 3rd Scenario of Extreme Close Range Attacks, especially with the 1st Scenario from the Front, or in the 4th Scenario if you’re taken to the Ground.

The point is your assailant’s head needs to be close enough for you to reach out and grab. Wrap your hands around the sides of your assailant’s head, fingers bracing against the back for leverage, and really dig your thumbs into his eyes.

Now if you’re practicing this move with a buddy, obviously go easy on their eyes. You can go full force on a pillow or a dummy. But it’s still good to practice this move with a buddy if possible to rehearse going quickly from Ready Stance or other less ready positions into this move.

… Now Your Turn …

Next (2nd) is the Ear Twist, which could also be the E in ETGS. Though this can also be applied to your assailant’s nose, eyebrow, or any other part of their body that you can pinch and twist between your fingers. This also requires being in close proximity to your assailant’s face, or other part that you want to twist, so it’s most applicable in our 3rd Close Range and 4th Ground Assault Scenarios. But of course use it anytime you’re able.

Here’s the gist of it. Grab their ear (or any other body part), ideally with your thumb facing down, and then twist your hand back as hard as you can with all your leverage, rotation, and speed. Work your way up to the speed part with your buddy, as well as how much force you use on their ear. And be sure to both tap out when the pain is too much. Then go full force and speed on your dummy or other inanimate padding.

… Now Your Turn …

Our next (3rd) Basic Move is one of the most universal and invaluable, the Palm Strike. This can be used in pretty much any scenario and on any target point of the body, any of the ETGS or SING spots: the eyes or ears, the throat, the groin, the shins, the stomach, the instep or foot, the nose or other parts of the face.

It’s an open hand strike, hitting with the hard heel of your hand – which can actually withstand a good amount of damage and have a lot of power behind it from the rest of your arm and shoulder. So using your rotational power, you can put a lot of force behind your Palm Strike using your whole body’s weight and driving your hand through. Even if you’re a smaller woman, let’s say about a buck 20 or so, that’s still 120 lbs of power going into one spot, like their face.

You’re not high-fiving their face. You’re crushing it.

Now it’s important to mention that a punch is NOT the equivalent of this move. This is far far superior. You should never ever use a fist unless you are properly trained to do so. Punching with bare fights runs a high risk of fracturing your knuckles. Boxers and MMA fighters mitigate this risk by wrapping their hands. So unless you have and know how to use any wraps and hand protection, do NOT punch. Stick to the Palm Strike, which frankly can take a bigger beating than your fist.

So let’s do some drills with this. From your Ready Stance, rotate your body as you extend your arm and hand with the heel of your palm out, and bring it back. Think about reaching for something, turning your body to get that full reach without leaning over. Reach as far as you can turn while staying upright and centered. Then bring it back with that same snapping motion. Practice this move slow at first, then work up to full speed with full force and rotational power. Try them in repetition: 2 at a time, then 3 at a time, then even more and even faster as you get more comfortable. As many as your little heart desires to engrain this move in your muscle memory.

… Now Your Turn …

Our 4th Basic Move, the Blade/Axe Hand Strike, also uses the hand but a different part of it. It’s also widely applicable in any scenario and on any striking point of the body. And it also happens to be a personal favorite of mine.

The idea is to create a blade by flattening your hand and tightening your fingers together, hardening the whole thing as stiff as possible. Then you strike with either side of your new hand blade in an axe-like motion on whatever part of your assailant’s body you can: the face, the eyes, the ears, the nose, the throat (it works particularly well on the throat), the groin, the shins, the stomach, the foot, all of them. Though orientation does matter, so different target areas will work in different combinations whether you’re attacked from the front (Scenario 1), from behind (Scenario 2), in close range (Scenario 3), or taken to the ground (Scenario 4).

Make sure you practice all of these scenarios at least by yourself and with a buddy if you have one. Start slow and steady to get the proper form down, and then gradually more force and speed until you’re practicing at full force and adrenalized speed.

… Now Your Turn …

Move #5 is another favorite of mine, the Elbow Strike, which has roots in several martial arts styles including Krav Maga and Muay Thai.

Once again, proximity is a big factor here. So it’s most useful in Close Range and Ground Assault Scenarios, but could still be applicable to any of them. It’s also good for nearly all of our target striking areas… except perhaps the instep, as that would require a pretty awkward position in order for your elbow to be the most effective move you have. But let’s practice them all anyway, just to be prepared for every possible scenario.

Start by getting into your Ready Stance. Now take your elbow and as you rotate your body, bring your elbow up and across in a forward strike. For another angle, let’s imagine the position you’re in has your body turned and your side or back is facing your assailant, like in our 2nd scenario of an attack from the rear. In this instance, you’ll want to rotate your body back the other direction as you bring your elbow up and around in a backward strike.

There are many other scenarios that may call for an Elbow Strike, like say if you’re on the ground with your assailant on top and you swing your elbow across to strike him off. Or he’s got you in a close range attack like a choke hold, and you twist your body to bring your elbow up and over to strike his face and release his grip.

Practice all the possible angles for each of these scenarios: from the front (Scenario 1), from behind (Scenario 2), in close range (Scenario 3), on the ground (Scenario 4), as many times as you need into the air, into padding, and ideally with a buddy holding that padding.

… Now Your Turn …

Now for Move #6, the Knee Strike. This is essentially the same thing as the Elbow Strike, just with the lower body. It’s equally applicable to the same scenarios and target striking areas, including the awkwardness of the instep. The most obvious use is a knee to the groin in a Frontal (Scenario 1), Close Range (Scenario 3), or Ground Assault (Scenario 4). But the knee could also be used to strike the stomach, or his face if he’s bent over or close to the ground.

I’m particularly fond of the knee-to-the-face move as a very effective finishing move that will often knock him out enough to allow you to escape to safety. But the knee to the groin is a bit more likely for you to use, especially earlier in the fight.

To practice this Knee Strike, start in your Ready Stance. Now remember that Drop Step? This time, when you pick up your back leg to drop forward, swing it outward and upward, driving the top of your thigh up into your assailant’s groin (or other striking area). Then you can bring your foot forward and down again with the same full body weight of your Drop Step, driving forward and knocking your assailant off balance. Which will be a nice added bonus on top of the big knee blow you just gave him.

The key is to make contact with your thigh and all its strong muscley parts, not your actual knee which is much weaker and will hurt a lot more. I’d call it a Thigh Strike, but it just wouldn’t have the same ring.

Practice this Knee Strike with your Drop Step repeatedly by yourself and then with your buddy if possible. Of course, go easy on your buddy’s groin. That’s a sensitive area. For all genders. So let each other know how hard is too hard and, if possible, have the one being kneed wear a cup or other protective padding over their crotchal region, while maybe still going at just half power and speed. Then you can confidently go full force having your buddy hold that sturdy padding of yours in front of them at groin height instead.

… Now Your Turn …

Our 7th Basic Move is the all too well known Groin Kick. The G in ETGS and SING. And it’s in both acronyms for a reason. Because out of all our 10 Basic Moves, you’re most likely to have used this one before in your life. I know I have. So while you may not need a lesson in how to do this one, it can’t hurt to go through it one more time and just make sure you’ve got it down.

So start in Ready Stance. Now with a kick move, you’ll shift your weight onto your stationary foot as you bring up your kicking foot in a swift flick motion that drives the full rotational power of your body out into the target area, and then just as quickly pulls back and drops down again.

You want it to be simultaneously powerful and quick. And you don’t want to take too much time to get into the move, or you’ll end up telegraphing what you intend to do to your assailant, losing the element of surprise and giving him a chance to counter the attack.

You’re aiming to connect the top of your shoe with the underside of your assailant’s groin. Not the front of his groin. The up and underneath. Way up in there. As way up in there as you can get. Really drive it up in there. I once kicked a guy in the groin so hard that I lifted him off the ground with my foot. That’s what you want to do. ‘Cause that will cause the most damage and give you the best chance to get away to safety.

Now again, practicing this with a buddy may be a little tricky. Especially if your buddy has boy parts down there. So take it extra slow and careful. Or stick to practicing the motions of the move up until the actual connect-with-the-groin part. Or have them wear a cup. Or just have them hold padding in front of them at groin height. Whatever you’re both comfortable with. But you can still practice this move fully by yourself into the air and into your padding options at increasing speed and force until you’ve really got it down… or up as it were.

… Now Your Turn …

The 8th Move on our list, the Shin/Knee Kick, takes that same kicking motion and applies it to your assailant’s shins or knees. Essentially the S in ETGS. And let me tell you, that is a really painful place to be kicked. For anyone. It also works in just about any scenario you can imagine, but it’s especially effective at knocking down a standing assailant, either from the front (Scenario 1) or the rear (Scenario 2).

To practice this kick, start once again in your Ready Stance. Now rotate your body toward the side that won’t be kicking, pivoting and shifting your weight once again onto the stationary foot as you flick your kicking foot out in a quick and powerful kick motion aimed directly into and through your assailant’s shin or knee, and then just as quickly driving forward with a Drop Step into your Ready Stance.

Now if you’re doing this move in the 2nd Scenario with an Attack From Behind, you can turn this into a back kick. Rotate and shift your weight to your stationary foot as you lift and drive your kicking foot backward into their leg in one swift powerful motion, like a donkey kick, and of course just as swiftly pull it down into a Drop Step. Or if you prefer to still use the front kick, this may require an extra step to start your turn, then the pivot and shift onto your stationary foot as you snap your kicking foot out into their shin or knee, and back down again.

Now if you don’t have a buddy to practice this move with, that’s okay. You can just set up your sturdy padding option at shin or knee height and practice kicking that repeatedly on your own.

But if you do have a buddy, you should still use that sturdy padding to kick. Don’t actually kick your buddy. A shin guard could be good protection when you’re going at half speed and force, but it won’t really be enough when you start kicking at full capacity. So when you’re ready to give it all you’ve got, you should still have your buddy hold that padding option at their shin or knee height for you to kick. And vice versa, you for them.

… Now Your Turn …

Next, Move #9 is the Foot Stomp. This is essentially the instep, or the I in SING. Though really anywhere on the foot will hurt pretty good. This move is especially ideal in the 2nd Scenario when you’re Attacked From The Rear, but it can work great From The Front (Scenario 1) too. Though it does require Close Range or the 3rd Scenario as well. So this is an excellent move if your assailant has got you in an upright hold of some kind, from either direction.

Let’s give it a go. From your Ready Stance, raise your stomping foot up and back down again swiftly and forcefully into a sharp, decisive stomp. Remember to put your full body weight behind it for extra force. This also helps you drive forward with your body as you stomp, again aiming for where your assailant is currently standing.

Now try practicing with your buddy and get a sense of how close you’ll need to be to your assailant to get in a good stomp.

If you don’t have a buddy, you can still recreate some of this scenario by standing close to a wall or other tall stationary object, as if that’s your assailant, and then drive forward into that wall or object as you stomp the ground beneath it.

… Now Your Turn …

Our 10th and final Basic Self Defense Move is the Hip Thrust. This move is primarily useful for our 4th Scenario of a Ground Assault, with your assailant on top of you pinning you down. That’s because this scenario might make it a bit tricky to use any of the other moves we’ve learned as your arms and legs could be trapped and rendered useless. In that case, the only useful part of your body that you can really utilize to fight back with is your hip and core area.

Now this move is rarely enough to get away in of itself. So the goal here is to free yourself and your limbs enough to go into a barrage of other moves from our list and do enough damage with those to help you get away.

To start, you’ll likely be on the ground on your back and your assailant will be on top of you holding you down. Now this is where it gets extra tricky to practice without a buddy. Maybe try putting something else heavy on top of you to mimic the assailant.

Now what you’ll do in one swift motion is plant your feet and raise your hips sharply into the air, like you’re doing a hip thrust or glute bridge exercise. Now add in a slight rotation as you thrust, and your assailant is launched forward and to the side of you. This will give you a window to push him further off you, or shrimp out from under him, or at least start striking him with all those other moves from your freed side.

Remember, one of our 10 Rules is to avoid being on the ground at all costs. This includes remaining on the ground once you’ve gone there. So as soon as this move frees you enough to push or wiggle or hit your way out, you want to get back up on your feet as quickly as possible and hopefully make your escape or, if necessary, continue fighting from there.

Now I know this move may feel awkward and perhaps a bit silly to simulate at first. But I urge you to push through it. Because if you end up in this position for real, there will be nothing silly about it. It’s also a particularly difficult position to get out of. So you want to be really prepared for this one.

Practice this move as many times as you can, ideally with your buddy. Make sure you trade places. You never know what position you’ll end up in in a real fight.

… Now Your Turn …

And that’s it. Phew! You did it! You just learned the 10 Basic Moves you need to defend yourself in any situation or scenario.

Now I know this was a particularly long video and we covered a lot. So don’t hesitate to come back and rewatch this video anytime you need a refresher. I’ll always be here… or at least this recorded version of me will.

In fact, that’s your homework assignment this week. To review and practice each of these 10 Moves for all of our Scenarios as much as you possibly can. Give each move at least 5 to 10 reps each – into the air, against some sort of padding with full force and speed, and then ideally also with a buddy with as much force and speed as you’re both comfortable using on each other.

Remember to make it as realistic as possible, though of course without horribly endangering yourselves.

Happy training!

Video Transcript:

Now the scenario we haven’t covered yet is our 5th Scenario with Weapons. Both what to do when your assailant has a weapon, and what to do with a weapon yourself.

The vast majority of self defense programs out there approach weapons the same way, with the same martial arts-based weapons techniques that have been passed down through martial arts schools without a whole lot of real life field testing. It always involves some form of disarming or detaching the weapon.

However, this is not very realistic for real life. Because again, real life fights are brutal and vicious. Add in your panic and your fight-or-flight response, and you’re gonna have trouble remembering any fancy martial arts disarming moves.

Facing a weapon also requires a pretty big mental shift. Assume that anyone willing to threaten you with a weapon is also willing to kill you with it. And when you’re facing that weapon, assume that you will get hit, cut, stabbed, or shot. But there is a big difference between getting stabbed or shot while killing someone, and getting stabbed or shot until you’re killed.

In a self defense fight, the best strategy is not to focus on the weapon, but on the man holding the weapon. Attack the man. The weapon is just a tool. It’s harmless without the man wielding it. So disable, not disarm.

This means just doing one extra move first to quickly deflect or pluck the weapon away from your body, or at least your most vital areas. Just one quick deflection to make sure you won’t be mortally wounded. And then immediately launch into a barrage of our 10 Basic Moves to attack and disable the man holding the weapon.

… Now Your Turn …

Try not to keep worrying about what the weapon will do. As soon as you begin your barrage of strikes, you’ll be throwing your assailant off of his balance and concentration. If you do it right, he’ll be more focused on blocking your hits than effectively using his weapon. The key to defending yourself against a weapon is to take the fight to him. Action is faster than reaction. The moves in this lesson aren’t pretty, but they are effective. And they can save your life.

Of course, the other key thing to remember is that a weapon increases the stakes and risks exponentially. So if you have any window of escape at all, that is a far better option than engaging with the weapon.

The flip side of this is how to use weapons of your own against your assailant. For your basic striking weapons, the idea is to go through the same motions as your basic hand strikes you learned earlier, only this time with a weapon in your hand.

So stabbing with your keys, keychains, pens, or knives could use the same technique as your Palm Strike. And striking or slicing with a stick or baton or also knife could follow the same moves as your Blade/Axe Hand Strike. The idea here is that you shouldn’t have to learn a new set of movements for this. Just the same simple set of Basic Moves that are widely applicable and adaptable to any situation.

So now give these moves a try with your weapons of choice and your practice pads, and clothes, and buddy if you have one.

… Now Your Turn …

Now the only weapons that should require learning additional moves to use are pepper spray, tasers, and guns. These are Advanced Weapons that I don’t recommend carrying unless you really know how to properly use them. I also don’t have the space or means here to properly show you how to use them. In my opinion, you really need in-person hands-on training for these Advanced Weapons, especially if you’re new to them. So if you are seriously considering using any of these three, I strongly urge you to seek out well reviewed professionally certified hands-on training.

Now remember, any time you fight with a weapon, you’ve upped the ante considerably. The stakes are higher and so too the potential for more serious injury and repercussions. So just as you need to be extra cautious against an armed assailant, you also need to be extra cautious when using these weapons yourself. The same rules apply, frankly even more so, about using only as much force as necessary to escape to safety.

So be smart. Remember your mental, physical, and legal boundaries as you face and/or use these weapons. And get the hell out of there as soon as you safely can.

Video Transcript:

Now you may be wondering how and when to use all of these sweet Defend moves when you’re traveling. And my answer is basically whenever and if ever you feel the need for them. Of course, keeping in mind all we’ve learned about your awareness, other escape options, and your boundaries (including the legal ones).

When it comes to travel safety, I say do what you gotta do, girl. If you do find yourself in danger and you cannot escape, then by all means use all of the means at your disposal to defend yourself until you can get away to safety.

That’s the most important part: Getting away safely.

Do whatever it takes, with whatever you can get your hands on, and as many words of warning and boundary setting and calling for help as you can muster.

But only up till the point you can escape to safety. And NO further.

Or you may find yourself in even deeper trouble, that is legally. And when you’re in an unfamiliar city or country, that can prove quite the sticky situation. That’s extra drama you do not need.

But don’t let these words of warning hold you back from fighting back. If it comes down to it, definitely defend yourself. Turn your fear into fury and do what you gotta do to survive.

I’ve been there too, so I get it. You won’t get any judgement here. Plenty of advice and self defense training sure, but no judgement.

That’s how we do here at Tough Cookie. And we Tough Cookies always stick together, no matter where in the world we may roam.

Video Transcript:

Once you have escaped to safety, it doesn’t end there. The aftermath is just as important and yet difficult to face. That’s why we need our next ABC step, E for Evince and Evaluate. Because it’s incredibly important to address what happened after the assault is over.

This is a step most other self defense classes don’t cover, but it can make a huge difference in both how you recover from what happened, and how you can help improve the situation for other women. After you’ve escaped the threat, especially if you had to fight to do so, this is when an emotional aftershock can hit. If this happens to you, it’s okay. It happens to many of us. So many more than we realize.

In fact, 94% of rape victims experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (or PTSD) within 2 weeks after the assault. 70% of rape or sexual assault survivors experience at least moderate to severe distress, which is a larger percentage than for any other violent crime. And for 30% of those women, those symptoms continue for 9 months.

So if this happens to you, keep breathing, stay grounded, and remember you are not alone. You are a survivor, not a victim. I know you may not feel like it in the moment, but you are. You are strong. You are powerful. Like a cross between a dinosaur and a tank. But not a tank that’s used for war. A peaceful loving dino-tank who’s so strong, she doesn’t need to do anything but be herself. And run away really really quickly… so maybe something faster than a tank.

Breathing is especially important. As important afterward as before and during. Deep breaths will help you stay calm and in control as you figure out what to do next, and who to seek out, and what to say, and how to slowly bring yourself back to a feeling of security and safety. And then talking about it with other people can make a huge difference in how you recover from what happened and how you can make sure it doesn’t happen again, to anyone.

So as soon as possible afterward that you feel able, find the courage to seek help and speak up, both for your own sake and for the sake of your assailant’s next target. Find a member of law enforcement and report what happened. Give all the evidence you can, especially if there was sexual contact.

I know it’s hard and you may not feel like you want to in the moment after it all happens. But one day you may feel differently and will want to have done all you could in that moment, when you had the chance and the choice, so that ultimately you can hold him responsible and get some justice. Don’t let your attacker get away with it.

Only 23% of sexual assaults are reported, and less than 1% are actually convicted or jailed. That needs to change. Reporting what happened to the authorities can help bring those numbers back up where they belong. We gotta catch ‘em all. Like Pokemon.

How you describe what happened to you is also important. Remember, you need to be able to articulate why your assailant felt like a real and imminent threat to you and how you knew that. Sadly, “I had a feeling” won’t cut it in court. You need to practice analyzing and explaining what caused your feelings. Give details and specifics about how he demonstrated his Intent, his Means, and his Opportunity, and how you evaluated your Preclusion and had no other option than to fight back. If you’re unsure what to say, you can consult an attorney or call a national hotline for support.

RAINN (the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) offers a free national sexual assault hotline 24/7 by phone at 1.800.656.HOPE or online at online.rainn.org.

Even if you managed to run away before the threat becomes physical, it’s still good to report what happened and give all of the details you can. Just because you got away doesn’t mean the next woman will. So do what you can to make sure it does not happen again.

Now telling the authorities is one excellent way to Evince and communicate about what happened. But there are other ways that can help you as well. Like finding someone to continue talking to about it. Or several people. The more, the better. This could be your therapist, or other women who’ve been through it too, or anyone in your life whom you trust to believe you and support you. Or all of the above.

This is the Evaluate part of this ABC step. To help you process what happened, what it means, and how you can heal. It’s equally important to address what happened for yourself, and give yourself the space and the support to heal long afterward. Going through any trauma like sexual assault or abuse is never easy. You have every right to feel the way you feel afterward. And every right to be believed. Most of all, you are not to blame for what happened. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

As Eleanor Roosevelt so memorably said, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

You are worthy of this. Of feeling safe. Of being safe. So give yourself permission to accept that. And dammit don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Including yourself. Guilt is not invited to your happy safe party. Don’t even tell him where it is. If he tries to invite himself along, just say –

“No I think you’re thinking of something else…”

And then run away really quickly. Just like you’d run away from a dangerous assailant. ‘Cause who cares what guilt thinks? You know you are strong. You know you are badass. And your badass-ness can never be diminished by anyone else’s words. Or stupid hats. People can say what they wanna say. You just keep on knowing what you know, without thinking about what they’re thinking about what you know. That’s what I think.

You also shouldn’t have to do it alone. That’s why I’m doing this Self Defense Course, and why I built Tough Cookie in general. ‘Cause I get it. And I’m not the only one. There are many others like us who understand and relate and want to help each other through it.

So don’t be afraid to join the conversation and share your story too. It can help you recover from what’s already happened and rebuild your trust in humanity for the future. We can get through it if we do it together.

On that note, let’s move on to the next video and practice some ways you can actually do this with those around you.

Video Transcript:

Now let’s practice how you plan to Evince and Evaluate after you escape to safety the next time you encounter a real and imminent threat.

Let’s start with Evince. How you will report what happened to the authorities. Here are 10 pieces of information that would be good to remember and report after an assault:

1. What your assailant said or did to threaten you that made his Intent clear, like any threats he made, what words he used, the tone of his voice, and his body language.

2. What your assailant had in his possession that he used to threaten or hurt you, which goes to his Means. Like when and how he drew any weapons and, if possible, where it ended up after the assault in case the authorities can try to retrieve it.

3. How your assailant approached you, where he moved, how close he got to you, and how quickly, which shows his Opportunity.

4. What you did in response. What you said. If, when, and how you tried to and finally managed to escape, all of which speaks to Preclusion. And exactly what (if anything) you did to fight back. Like if and when you drew a weapon, where you hit him, how many times, and what happened when you did.

5. Describe the moment at which you made the decision to use force, if you did, and why you made that decision.

6. Note exactly where he touched you on any part of your body and/or your possessions, so the authorities can try and take samples of DNA or fingerprints. You may be taken to a hospital for this, if you aren’t there already.

7. Who else was present before, during, and after the assault who may have witnessed what happened, how far away they were, and any identifying information you can give about them.

8. How long the whole confrontation lasted, from when you first felt the threat of his Intent to after you’ve escaped to safety.

9. What your assailant looked like, was wearing, and any distinctive features that might make it easier for the authorities to identify him.

10. If you know it, definitely give them his name, his age, his height, his home and/or work address, his license plate, and/or the make and model of his car.

Pick 3 of these pieces of information that you will focus on and pay extra attention to with every encounter and interaction you have this week. This is your Evince homework for the week. Carry a notebook with you or use a note taking app on your phone to jot down what you notice about each interaction for all 3 pieces of information. This will get you into the habit of noticing and remembering this information for when you will need it most.

Now for Evaluate. Let’s figure out how you plan to process what happened, both immediately and long after the assault. Who will you go to for help, and counsel, and support?

One good thing to do is to save the number for the National Sexual Assault Hotline (1-800-656-4673) into your phone.

Also if you know any attorneys, especially any who specialize in sexual assault or abuse, track down their phone number and program that into your phone too.

Do you have a therapist that you’d feel comfortable telling? Or maybe an HR rep at work? Keep their number ready in your phone as well.

How about your personal network? It will help to have somebody you know really well and trust to talk to about it too. Someone you know will believe you and support you. Can you think of who that might be? How about your family or closest friends? Write down the names of 1-3 people and make sure their numbers are in your phone too, possibly even on speed dial.

If you don’t feel comfortable calling someone, you may want to write about it instead. There are a number of online forums and chat support lines, some even anonymous, that you can reach out to as well. So if that’s an option you’d prefer, find one that you’d feel comfortable with and bookmark that link somewhere you’d be able to locate easily in the heat of the moment.

Lastly, I want you to pick one mantra or phrase that you will remember and tell yourself every day this week to remind yourself that you’re okay, that you are strong, that you deserve to feel safe. So pick one short phrase that best embodies this for you. Perhaps something I’ve said in one of these videos. Or something a friend or a famous figure said once that really stuck with you. Or a catchy phrase that you write yourself. I have a simple 3-sentence/6-word mantra I wrote that I use for myself. But you use whatever works best for you.

Write it down in at least three places that are regularly visible to you in your everyday routine. For example, I keep my mantra on a post-it note at my desk, on my phone’s background image, and on a nifty little drawing I made for the inside of my car. Seeing it every day will help infuse this mantra into your psyche, so that if and when you do experience any kind of trauma, it will be right there in the bosom of your brain ready to help you deal and heal.

This is your Evaluate homework for this week. First, program your phone with all those people’s numbers from your chosen support network. And then pick your chosen mantra and put it in three places you’ll see every day.

And then look at it. Every day this week.

Video Transcript:

When you’re going traveling, it’s especially important to speak up and connect with your support network of trusted people.

None of us can do this alone, especially when we’re out traveling in new places, stepping outside our comfort zone, and potentially facing new dangers.

It’s always good for someone to know where you are at any given time. At least one other person. Just in case. Even if you’re a super private person. Even if you’ve secretly always wanted to be a secret agent. Please don’t go off gallivanting without telling anyone. It’s not as cool as it sounds, and it can really get you into trouble.

So before you leave on your trip, share your itinerary with someone you trust. Like that friend you always put down as your emergency contact without telling them. You’ll want to tell them this time.

Make sure your itinerary includes a way to contact you while you’re gone, however you’ll be most reachable. Phone number. Whatsapp. Social media. Email. Whatever rings your bell (or phone).

Then stay connected. Both digitally (like on social media or apps like Find My Friends) and physically (like leaving a note in your hotel room or informing your embassy), just in case you ever need to be tracked down.

Imagine how much easier Liam Neeson’s rescue would have been if he’d had a faster way to track down his daughter. Sure that would have made a much less exciting movie. But in reality, you really don’t want to be this girl.

I am admittedly a bit of a worst-case scenario thinker. So I figure the more prepared I am for anything, the more easily I can relax and enjoy myself worry-free, no matter how many human traffickers are lurking about.

As I always say, the best prevention is preparation.

Video Transcript:

When you’re traveling, speaking up and seeking support also means talking to new people where you are traveling and making new friends. Both after an incident or attack, as well as before. Because traveling, especially solo, can get a little lonely at times, even if you’re an introvert. And there is safety in numbers.

Plus it’s fun!

So it’s always a good idea to establish local allies where you are, besides staying in touch with people you trust back home.

Just because you’re staying alert and cautious doesn’t mean you have to be cold. Frankly, that’s bound to make you stand out more.

So put on a smile. Try being friendly. You’ll be amazed what a difference that makes. Just a simple smile and an open mind.

That doesn’t mean believe and do whatever anyone tells you. Of course you gotta be smart and keep your wits about you. But that doesn’t mean you can’t say hi, ask questions, and make friends.

As a woman traveling solo, you’ll be much less intimidating and easier to approach. That can be really lovely. Or sometimes a little annoying. Or yes, even dangerous. But I’m always amazed to discover how rarely I feel alone when I’m traveling by myself.

As long as you can identify the friendly, trustworthy people wherever you go, you’re probably less likely to find yourself alone in a dangerous situation. That and, if something does happen, you’ll have plenty of witnesses around you, and people who can help you contact the local authorities.

So basically, you want to build a local support network wherever you go.

I especially love to make new friends when I’m eating solo out at restaurants. It’s ideal for you and for the restaurant to sit at the bar or a communal table if they have one. Then you can just chat up the people sitting near you. I’ve made some lovely connections and had amazing adventures thanks to random dining conversations.

So don’t be afraid to ask your new friends for help when you need it. It’s good to ask questions, as long as you do it with confidence and ease. You have a voice and a brain, so use them.

Speak up, be proactive, and you will be just fine.

Video Transcript:

Our last, but certainly not least, ABC step is F for Familiarize. This is less about another step in the order of how to defend yourself, and more about the final lesson you must learn in order to do so. I’ve been saying it all throughout the Course, but it’s important enough to bear repeating.

It is vital to your survival that you make all of these steps muscle memory. In the moment danger strikes, you won’t have time to stop and think of what to do. You’ll only have a split second to react in a real attack. So all of these self defense moves need to be instinct or they’ll be of no help to you when you really need them.

So this entire module is all about continuing to practice those ABCs over and over until they become instinct. This week and for the many weeks to come long after you’ve completed this Course. You must keep practicing these until they are firmly ingrained in your mind and muscle memory. Remember, the more prepared you are, the better equipped you’ll be to stay and strong wherever you go.

Practice, practice, practice until you are so comfortable with these moves that you can do them in your sleep. Until you start doing them in your sleep, taking down threats in your dreams. I do actually have a lot of dreams where I’m fighting off bad guys to save myself or others. And I gotta tell you, it’s pretty empowering to wake up from that.

Now to help you practice, practice, practice, and familiarize, you’re going to need some version of the following supplies and support:

1. Some means of continuing to write down and take notes on all the tactics you learned in the Avoid, Backtrack, and Control modules, as well as your chosen methods for Evince and Evaluate.

2. Your training space, pads, clothes, practice weapons, and ideally a buddy for practicing all the moves you learned in the Defend module.

3. Ways to incentivize yourself and hold yourself accountable to a steady recurring practice routine until it becomes habit. For example: automated reminders, incentives, and social accountability.

So let’s dive on in to the next video and lay out how exactly you will use each of these supplies and support to create an ongoing practice regimen that will hardwire your body and mind for safety and hone you into the ultimate Tough Cookie, ready to take on anything life throws at you with courage, and confidence, and pizzazz!

Video Transcript:

To achieve this module’s Familiarization, you’re gonna decide which of these supplies and support you plan to use to help you stick to your ongoing Tough Cookie Self Defense practice to make that practice a habit and these moves part of your muscle memory.

So first, let’s pick what practice supplies you’ll be using.

Do you have a good writing pad or platform or app for continuing your brainstorm and review of your Avoid, Backtrack, and Control tactics, as well as your Evince and Evaluate options? Like Google docs, or Evernote, or Microsoft Word, or even a good old fashioned journal.

However you will keep a record of what you’ve learned here and what you continue to discover as you further your practice. Gather these writing elements together this week, including all the notes you’ve already written for this Course so far. And then start getting into the habit of reviewing them and adding to them on a regular basis.

How about your training equipment – your practice pads, clothes, and weapons – for your Defend module moves?

What did you use when we went over that module? Do you feel confident you can continue to use these in your ongoing, recurring practice? Will you have consistent access to that stuff? Or do you think you might need to replace one of these at some point? If you think you might, go ahead and pick a good backup plan now.

In terms of the padding you use, make sure it is something hard and solid, but with a little give so you don’t damage your bones as you repeatedly strike it. You want to condition your muscles, not your bones. And you want to be able to practice hitting, and getting hit, at full force as much as possible in your ongoing training. So you’re optimally prepared to take it as well as give it. Understanding what it will feel like and how much you can take is half the battle in being prepared to stay calm and react strong.

That brings me to your practice support.

Firstly, what training buddy you might be able to recruit, if you don’t have one already. If you have anyone possible in mind, approach them this week and get someone on board who will train with you ongoing for as long as you both need. Maybe somebody nearby who’s already taking this Course, or somebody who’s also interested in taking the Course with you. Or maybe just somebody who lives with you or near you who’s willing to hold up a pad and let you hit it every once in a while.

The other practice support to decide on now are the methods by which you will keep yourself on track and stick to your practice habit. I’ve laid out three categories for this, so I want you to pick one specific way you will implement each.

1st, automated reminders. What systems do you already use for this that would be easy to set up for this purpose? Go with that easiest option and set up some reminders for yourself this week. Perhaps a daily alarm on your phone or smart watch. Or a recurring calendar event or reminder. Or perhaps a simple post-it note left somewhere you’ll see every day, like your desk or your bathroom mirror.

2nd, incentives. How can you reward yourself each time you put in a practice? Pick one that works best for you and use it as often as you’d like. Maybe a tasty treat, like a cookie or chocolate or glass of wine. Maybe you reward yourself with some pampering, like a soothing bath or massage after a long tiring practice sesh. Whatever your guilty pleasure, use it to motivate you.

My guilty pleasure is watching too many TV shows and movies (if that wasn’t already obvious from all the clips in these videos). So I like to incentivize myself with the reward of each new episode.

3rd, social accountability. How can you recruit others to help you stay motivated and incentivized to keep practicing? Beyond your training buddy of course. We all know that tricksy mistress Peer Pressure. She doesn’t always steer us in the right direction. But there is a way to use her powers for good instead of evil.

And that’s telling friends, family, coworkers, mentors, anyone whose good opinion matters to you about your self defense goals and plans as a means of holding yourself socially accountable. Once you’ve told them you’ll do something, you’re gonna feel added pressure to actually do it. Any one of those people could ask you how it’s going at any point, and you’ll want to have something to tell them.

So to activate this part of your plan, I want you to pick 3 people in your life whose opinion matters most to you. The 3 people you think most likely to understand, and care, and be inclined to check in on you. Go talk to each of them this week, and tell them about this Course and your self defense goals. Ask them to check in with you periodically. Make it extra fun and tell them to just surprise you at random intervals. Really keep you on your toes.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to continue practicing all of these ABC steps and moves over and over – with your practice supplies and support you’ve just identified – until they all become truly instinct. Until you feel super confident that you can quickly and thoroughly execute each step, in order, at the drop of a hat, in a split second, anytime anything happens.

Repetition is key. You’ll be able to practice some weeks more than others. And that’s okay. Just keep coming back to it and rewatching these videos whenever you need.

We all have different physical fitness levels, and abilities, and limitations. So be patient with yourself. Start off small with what you can comfortably manage in a week and build from there. Before you know it, you’ll be the ultimate unstoppable supreme Tough Cookie Self Defense warrior “who won’t take no crap offa nobody!”

Now go forth and train well, Cookie-san. And come back anytime. This Course will be with you. Always.

(May the Course be with you!)

Video Transcript:

Speaking of familiarizing yourself, this is an especially essential thing to do when you are traveling. Not just practicing and ingraining your self defense skills, but also your knowledge of your destination, its culture, and its people.

The goal is to seamlessly blend into each new environment like a ninja, so you don’t attract unwanted attention or become an easy target.

Part of traveling and blending into a new place is learning how to act like you belong there. Think like a local, and surround yourself with locals, and see what doors that opens (literally and mentally). Learn the local culture and customs. Dress appropriately and respectfully.

Learn the language. Wherever I go, I make a point of learning to say at least these 6 things in the local language: “hello,” “please,” “thank you,” “sorry,” “excuse me” or pardon me,” and “cheers” (which sometimes in the local language is literally, “to your health”). It’s also handy to know how to say, “Do you speak English?” and “I don’t speak [the local language].”

Also get to know the local transit system so well that you navigate it like a pro. And then when you’re not sure, talk to locals. Because that’s what locals do. They talk to each other.

Cuz even if you memorize the city and metro maps, you probably still won’t know everything. That’s okay. Locals are the best resource for all kinds of clever tips and tricks to get around their city. And there’s an art to asking questions without looking naive or like an easy target.

Keep your composure, stay calm, and be confidently curious. Remember, fake it till you make it.

Ask the concierge or front desk attendant where you’re staying. Pick the brain of your server or bartender when you go out. I got some of the best local restaurant and live music recommendations from a bartender in Nashville. They’re usually eager to share their insider knowledge and you may make some new friends in the process. So make a point to make yourself a part of their world.

Now that doesn’t mean avoid the more touristy shit. So long as you’re enjoying yourself, I say do what you wanna do. You wanna brave the long lines and packed crowds to see the top of the Statue Of Liberty or the Eiffel Tower? Go for it. You do you, boo.

Just be aware that many popular tourist attractions aren’t worth the time and money. I spent two days and unnecessary parking fees trying to see Mt. Rushmore, and by the time I finally saw it, I got tired of it after an hour and left feeling like the cost was so not worth it.

Then again, many group activities, tours, and meetups can be great ways to meet fun local people and fellow travelers.

So once again, do your research and know what you’d be getting into. Weigh the costs against your own travel goals and make sure the experience will be rewarding for you before you commit.

Don’t be afraid to be picky and do only what you want to do. It’s your trip. No one else’s.

Video Transcript:

If the next letter in our ABC steps “G” stood for anything, it would be “Good job!” Because you’ve done it. You’ve made it through this Tough Cookie Self Defense Course in one piece. Hopefully now one much stronger, more resilient, and valiant piece. Like a brilliant diamond. Or vibranium.

All that’s left to do now is review what we’ve covered and see what you’ve learned. Better to test yourself now and make sure, before you have to face the real test. So let’s go back through each of our past modules in this Course, one by one, step by step, and review it all one more time.

In your 1st module, you learned what this Tough Cookie Self Defense system is all about. What it entails, why I started it, how it’s different, and why it’s so important. You also learned how to get the most out of this Course and out of yourself. How to use Zen to achieve a state of relaxed readiness. And have a little fun while you’re at it.

Your 2nd module taught you the first of your ABCs, A for Avoid, and how to master your situational and self awareness, identify suspicious behaviors, potential dangers, and typical predators around you in your daily routine and practice avoiding them entirely.

The 3rd module taught you B for Backtrack and how to identify all your potential escape routes throughout your daily routine, as well as all the people and places of safety you can escape to once you’ve managed to get away to safety. Always remembering ETGS: Escape To Gain Safety.

In your 4th module, you learned C for Control. How to maintain control of yourself, both your mind and body, by setting and reinforcing your mental and physical boundaries with your Ready Stance, ready weapons, and loud verbal warning, as well as your legal boundaries and local self defense laws. Hopefully to de-escalate the situation or at least to be prepared if it does become physically violent.

The 5th module went through all the basic but essential D for Defend moves to use in any scenario when physical force is your only safe and viable option to help you get away to safety. You learned and practiced all 10 of these moves:

1. The Eye Gouge/Poke

2. The Ear Twist

3. The Palm Strike

4. The Blade/Axe Hand Strike

5. The Elbow Strike

6. The Knee Strike

7. The Groin Kick

8. The Shin/Knee Kick

9. The Foot Stomp

10. The Hip Thrust

You also learned what to do in any scenario with weapons, both when your assailant has one and when you decide to use one of your own.

Your 6th module taught you what to do next, after you’ve successfully escaped to safety. Including E for Evince or how to report what happened to the authorities. And E for Evaluate or how to find others you trust to continue talking about it and processing what happened for yourself and your own recovery. Remembering that you are strong, you are a survivor not a victim, and you are not alone.

Your 7th module wrapped up all of this in a nice little F for Familiarize package. Emphasizing the importance of continued consistent practice of all these steps and moves, with all of your practice supplies and support, until they become ingrained in your mental and muscle memory. So they will truly be instinct in that split second moment you need them most.

Now here in your 8th and final module, we’ve reviewed everything you’ve learned over the course of this… Course. This is your final test before the real life test, that you hopefully never have to take. You’ve done a real good job so far. And you’re nearly done! Feels good, don’t it?

Just one video left to go with my final message to you on this the day of your Tough Cookie graduation. So go on and watch that now. Good luck on your final test.

And then go celebrate yourself! You have earned it.

Video Transcript:

Welcome to your last and final video in this Tough Cookie Self Defense Course. Now before you go off into your stronger, sweeter, safer Tough Cookie life, let’s take a step back and appreciate everything you’ve done throughout this Course. Look at yourself with the pride of a parent or a mentor. Like your own inner Mr. Miyagi.

Look at all your hard work and new skills that are already showing up in your life in very real ways. Go on. Stick yourself up on that refrigerator, invite all the neighbors over, and say:

“Look at that. Can you believe what an A+ that is? She’s so gifted.”

Well, you are! I sure am damn proud of you. You’ve come a long way Cookie-san and you’ve grown into quite the capable, durable, unstoppable Tough Cookie. You’re one of us, now and forever. And we Tough Cookies stick together. Because we’ve all been there. And we all want to make sure none of us ever has to be there again.

Well I dare say we did well, wouldn’t you? It was high time we had some real talk about what it means to defend yourself, woman to woman. So I hope you got as much out of that as I did. And I hope you now see the immense Tough Cookie power you have inside you, and feel ready to harness it and unleash it on the world. Like a geyser. Or a really cute but deadly cat.

You are now ready to face any dangers that may come your way, protect yourself from harm, and navigate any of the possible repercussions that may result in your mental, physical, emotional, or legal realms of your everyday life. You’re ready to use all the tools in your toolbox, your mind as well as your body. All of the skills and smarts and senses that you’ve mastered. All of the feels.

Remember, it’s not about feeling no Fear, but learning how to manage it. True courage isn’t the absence of Fear, but being afraid and pushing through it anyway. Hearing it, heeding it, and breathing through it. You have Fear for a reason. It can actually be your friend. It taps you on your shoulder (or in your gut) when shit gets bad and tells you to be careful.

But Fear can tend to panic sometimes too, just like the rest of us. So next time Fear speaks up and makes your stomach do a somersault, don’t ignore it. Listen to it. Make it feel special and heard, so it doesn’t panic. What panic does to your body ain’t pretty. And that’s how our arch-nemesis Mr. Freeze takes over.

So Keep Calm And Have A Cookie. Don’t run away from Fear. But you sure as hell should run away from the thing Fear is warning you about. Or if necessary, find the courage to stand your ground, yell at it, kick it in the nuts, and THEN run away.

And no matter what happens, remember your ABCs. Remember to practice them until you don’t have to try and remember them. And you’ll be just fine. Better than fine. You’ll be great. “Gonna have the whole world on a plate!”

So go on and have your fill. Eat your heart out. Go nuts. Stand tall and wear your Tough Cookie power with pride. Living as fully, freely, and safely as possible ever was. And nobody in all of Oz, no assailant that there is or was, “is ever gonna bring me down!”

Now go forth and fight like a girl+, Cookie-san! That’s the way the Cookie crumbles.