The Essential Guide to Parenting Your Teen with Confidence

As human beings, we’re all born with a set of core emotional needs, and recognising these needs is key to our well-being. Psychologists Ivan Tyrrell and Jo Griffin, founders of the Human Givens Institute, identified that when these needs are balanced, we’re more likely to feel emotionally healthy, resilient, and fulfilled.

But when those needs go unmet, especially in children and teenagers, it often shows up in their behaviour.

As parents, we’re constantly juggling: meeting our own emotional needs while also tending to those of our children and family members. It’s not always easy. But understanding what drives human behaviour can offer powerful insight. There’s a saying that behind every behaviour is a positive intention, meaning that even challenging or unwanted behaviour is usually a sign that something deeper is going on. It may be your child’s way of expressing an unmet need for which they don’t yet have the words.

When we become more aware of these emotional needs—both our children’s and our own—we can start to see challenging behaviour not as defiance or disrespect, but as a form of communication. This shift in perspective opens the door to more empathy, connection, and practical support.

In this video, we’ll explore the fundamental human needs that keep us alive and emotionally balanced. You'll see how unmet needs can influence mood, behaviour, and relationships—and how you, as a parent, can use this knowledge to respond in ways that support both your child’s development and your wellbeing.

Sleep is one of our most powerful tools for supporting our children’s physical health, emotional balance, and learning. It’s not just about rest—it’s about restoration. During sleep, the brain processes and stores information, helps regulate emotions, and the body repairs and grows. Dreaming is key in helping people work through challenging emotions.

When children or teenagers don’t get enough sleep, it can significantly impact their ability to learn, manage stress, and maintain a stable mood. Lack of sleep is strongly linked to anxiety, irritability, and low mood, all of which can make everyday life more difficult, both at school and at home.

As children grow into teenagers, their sleep patterns naturally shift. They tend to stay up late, not just because they want to, but because their internal body clocks are changing. However, modern habits often make these later bedtimes worse, like scrolling through social media, watching YouTube, or gaming late into the night.

Older teens may also start studying into the early hours, believing it’s the only way to keep up. But this can backfire. Overloading the brain before bed can make it harder to wind down, delay sleep even more, and reduce the overall quality of their rest.

As parents, we must be aware of these changes and help our young people develop healthier sleep habits. This lecture explores why sleep is crucial for their development and offers practical ways we can support better sleep so they can thrive emotionally, academically, and physically.

Just as a flower needs the right balance of soil, water, and sunlight to thrive, humans need to have their emotional needs met to grow into healthy, resilient individuals.

These essential emotional needs—identified by Ivan Tyrrell and Joe Griffin of the Human Givens Institute (www.hgi.org.uk) —are known as the human givens.  They’re not something we earn or develop over time—they’re built into us from birth.  And just like physical needs, when these emotional needs go unmet, it affects our well-being.

Helping people understand and meet these needs is at the heart of my work as a human givens therapist. When someone’s behaviour seems challenging, it’s often a signal, not a problem. For instance, a child refusing to get ready for school isn’t necessarily being defiant. More likely, they’re overwhelmed, anxious, or trying to regain control in a situation where they feel powerless. Their behaviour may clash with ours, but underneath, it’s often an attempt to meet a very real emotional need.

When you begin to understand these needs, both in yourself and your child, you gain a powerful lens through which to view behaviour. This understanding can strengthen your connection, support your young person’s self-esteem, and give them a sense of emotional safety and security. It also allows you to parent with greater empathy and self-awareness.

To begin this journey, look at the Emotional Needs Audit in the workbook provided. It’s a simple yet insightful tool to help you reflect on how well your needs—and your child’s—are being met, and where you might want to make gentle changes.

Please see the booklet attached here for completion during the module.  Please refer to it when going through the videos

In this section, we’ll explore what it means to be a more confident parent—and why your mindset plays such a decisive role in how you connect with your child or teenager.

Parenting can be one of the most rewarding experiences in life, but it can also be one of the most challenging. When things feel difficult, it’s easy to slip into self-doubt. Many parents I have spoken to tell me, “I must be doing something wrong,” if you’ve ever had that thought, you’re not alone.

But here’s something important to remember: how we feel about our parenting directly influences how we show up for our children.  When we doubt ourselves or feel overwhelmed, our young people pick up on it, often more than we realise.  They’re incredibly perceptive.   And because they live so closely with us, they come to understand our emotional rhythms, our stress signals, and yes, even our triggers. Just as we know them well, they know us too.

That’s why building confidence isn’t about becoming a “perfect” parent—it’s about becoming a present, grounded one. When we feel calm and sure of ourselves, we’re more likely to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. Over time, this creates a sense of safety and stability that’s deeply reassuring for our children.

In this part of the course, we’ll begin by looking at our mindset—the internal story we tell ourselves about who we are as parents. The first video will explore how your thoughts and beliefs about parenting can shape your confidence, communication, and ultimately, your relationship with your child.

Being a confident parent doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being open to growth, willing to reflect, and committed to showing up with compassion for your child, and yourself.

Every parent has their way of parenting, which they will have experienced from their parents as they grow up and which will then translate into how they parent their child or children as they grow up.  Consistency over parenting style is helpful when trying to raise children so they know where they stand and there are less arguments.

Your parenting style includes how you communicate with your children, how you set your expectations of your children, and how you manage behaviour.

There are three main styles of parenting - Authoritative, Authoritarian and Permissive. 

• Authoritative parents set high expectations and have strict boundaries. There is little room for children or young people to make mistakes. Children are expected to do as their parents wish without any question.

• Authoritative parents set high expectations and have clear boundaries for their children.  They also accept that young people can make mistakes, and there is room for this.  There is a lot of emotional warmth, and the rules are slightly less rigid.

• Permissive parents have high emotional warmth, though they have few expectations and don't really set boundaries for their children. 

What sort of parent are you?

The words we use when we talk to our children matter more than we often realise. The way we communicate doesn’t just shape conversations—it shapes connection. The tone, phrasing, and even the smallest word choices can have a big impact on how our children feel, how they respond, and how secure they feel in our relationship.

Take the word "but", for example. It might seem harmless, but it can completely change the message your child hears. Imagine saying, “That was really good, but you could do better.” What they’re likely to focus on isn’t the praise—it’s the criticism that followed. The word “but” tends to cancel out everything that comes before it.

In this video, we’ll explore how the words we choose—often without even thinking—can either build trust and self-esteem, or unintentionally chip away at it. You’ll learn simple but powerful ways to shift your language, so your child feels more heard, supported, and encouraged.

When we become more intentional with our words, we strengthen the emotional bridge between us and our children—and that’s where real communication begins.

Conflict can be an uncomfortable and confronting topic—something many of us instinctively try to avoid.  Yet in the parent-child relationship, conflict can develop over time.  When it’s not addressed or managed healthily, it can create ongoing tension in the home, strain sibling relationships, and in more serious cases, even escalate into aggression directed toward parents.

Violence or threatening behaviour from a child toward a parent is never acceptable, but it often doesn’t arise out of nowhere.  It can result from unresolved issues, unmet needs, or repeated patterns of miscommunication that haven’t been addressed early on. That’s why it’s essential to understand where conflict comes from—and what we can do to reduce it.

One of the most effective steps is to focus on what we can control.  As parents, this means becoming aware of our emotional triggers, recognising the tone and energy we bring into interactions, and asking ourselves whether there’s anything we need to shift in our approach.  Sometimes, small changes in how we respond can make a big difference in breaking the cycle of conflict.

Because conflict often becomes a cycle—once it starts, it can repeat itself, building over time, unless someone interrupts it.  As adults in a relationship, that responsibility often falls on us.  It’s not always easy to address conflict, but diffusing conflict with clarity and emotional awareness is key to creating a more peaceful and respectful home environment.

So take a moment to reflect:

• What’s happening in your relationship with your teen right now?

• Are there moments when you get pulled into the same arguments or emotional reactions?

• Could changing your response help shift the pattern and reduce the tension?

These are tough questions, but they’re also empowering—because they put you back in the driver’s seat.

Boundaries—it’s a word we hear often, but what does it mean in the context of parenting?

For young people, boundaries aren't just rules or limits—they're life skills.  One of the most powerful ways they learn about boundaries is by watching us. As parents, how we set, communicate, and uphold our boundaries teaches them how to do the same.

When we model healthy boundary-setting in our day-to-day interactions with them and others, we give our children a blueprint for navigating relationships with respect, self-awareness, and confidence.  This becomes especially important as they age and begin forming deeper friendships, exploring romantic relationships, and becoming more independent.

By learning how to set clear, respectful boundaries, our young people are better equipped to protect their emotional well-being, stand up for themselves, and avoid being taken advantage of.  Confidently expressing a boundary is not just about saying “no”—it’s about understanding their worth and making choices that reflect that.

This section will explore how we, as parents, can lead by example and help our children build the skills they need to form healthy, respectful, and safe connections throughout their lives.

Understanding and recognising our emotions is a core part of emotional intelligence—and it’s just as essential as academic achievement when it comes to lifelong success.  While we often place a strong emphasis on grades and performance, emotional intelligence helps our children navigate relationships, build resilience, and cope with life’s challenges.

Each day, both adults and children experience a wide range of emotions.  Yet, we’re not always comfortable talking about them as a society. Conversations about feelings are often avoided or rushed, especially with our young people. When a child is upset, our instinct is usually to "fix it" quickly so they stop crying. When they’re overly excited, we may tell them to calm down. While well-intentioned, these responses can send an unspoken message: that big feelings should be silenced or hidden.

At school, children are often expected to manage their emotions quietly, no matter what they’re going through.  When they come home, all that effort to hold it together can lead to emotional outbursts or meltdowns. This isn’t defiance—it’s a release of everything they’ve been carrying all day.

Many young people struggle to identify their feelings because we don’t often talk openly about emotions.  They may not yet recognise the physical signs of their feelings—a stomach ache might be anxiety, a racing heart might be excitement or fear. On top of that, the part of the brain responsible for regulating emotions is still under construction during childhood and adolescence, meaning they feel more intensely and have less internal control than adults do.

As parents, we have a powerful opportunity to help them build emotional awareness by naming feelings, talking about our own, and allowing space for theirs. When we make emotions part of everyday conversation, we help our children develop the language, confidence, and self-understanding they need to thrive.

Anger is one of the most visible and commonly expressed emotions in teenagers, often the one parents find hardest to deal with. But what looks like anger on the outside is usually masking something much more profound. Many young people struggle to identify or articulate more vulnerable emotions like sadness, fear, disappointment, or shame. When those feelings become overwhelming, they often come out as anger—because that’s the emotion they know how to express.

Psychologist John Gottman introduced the concept of the Anger Iceberg, a powerful way to understand anger. At the surface, we see anger and the behaviours that come with it—shouting, slamming doors, withdrawing, or acting out. However, hidden from view are the actual emotions driving that response.  It’s what we don’t see that needs attention.

Biologically, the teenage brain is still developing, especially the areas responsible for emotional regulation. Their amygdala, the part of the brain that triggers the fight-or-flight response, often takes the lead during stress or conflict. This means teens can react quickly and intensely, before their “thinking brain” can catch up. When this happens—when they’ve "flipped their lid"—they’re no longer in a state where they can be reasoned with.

As parents, our role is to stay grounded. If we meet their anger with our frustration, we climb the "anger mountain" with them, which only worsens things.  But if we can stay calm and help them name their feelings, we start to build their emotional awareness and self-regulation skills.

Anger is rarely just anger. It’s often a mask for hurt, fear, or sadness. By helping our young people understand and manage their emotions—especially the ones hidden beneath the surface—we empower them to handle conflict more constructively and reduce negative behaviours over time.

This video explores practical strategies for supporting teenagers in recognising, expressing, and managing anger in healthier ways—starting with what’s going on beneath the surface.

Anxiety is something we hear about often—and for good reason.  Since the COVID-19 pandemic, anxiety levels in young people have risen significantly, and it's now one of the most common challenges families face.

In this video, we’ll explore the underlying factors that can heighten anxiety in children and teenagers, and, most importantly, how you as a parent can provide meaningful support. You’ll learn practical strategies to help your young person build resilience, navigate anxious feelings, and continue living a full, confident life, despite the challenges they may encounter.