Military Transition: Life Coaching for Ex-Military Personnel

Returning to civilian life presents new opportunities - and challenges - for Veterans.

Many Veterans look forward to life after the military because they can spend more time with family and friends and no longer have to worry about military structure or deployment.

At the same time, transitioning out of the military may raise a lot of questions. You may wonder what you are going to do with this new phase of your life, or whether you will be able to find a job.

You may think about going back to school, but not know where to start. Or you may miss the order and discipline of military life (compared with civilian life) and wonder if you will be able to adjust.

Your experiences in the service - both positive and negative - may have made you a different person than you were before you entered, and changed the way you look at things and deal with people.

If you have served on active duty or experienced stressful or traumatic situations, you may have developed habits that helped you cope in those situations, but could be misunderstood or problematic in civilian life.

Q) You might be asking what qualifies me to be delivering a course like this?

If I were sitting where you are right now I’d be asking; “Who is this prick, and what’s he got for me?”

You’ve probably figured that guy in that story was me. I’d joined the Army young, messed up after leaving and struggled to adjust back into Civvy Street.

For three years, due to my criminal record - I couldn’t even get a dead end job, and my Army experience didn’t matter! This record even cost me Australian residence – I guess they’re not taking cons anymore eh!! I learned fast that Civvy Street doesn’t give second chances when you 'fuck up'.

I KNOW - there’s a load of guys who’ll verify that!

There’s an old Chinese proverb; Give a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day, TEACH a man to fish and he’ll eat for a lifetime. But I reckon; if you teach an ex-squaddie to teach his mates to fish, everyone eats and world hunger ends. I reckon that most guys Sign up to the military in the first place, just do something worthwhile with their lives.

So, all I want to achieve throughout this course is share the steps I took when everything fell apart (at the worst case scenario for me), then, how I shook myself down, took responsibility for some stuff – then began to do something decent with my life. This brings us to today.

If everything’s gone fine for you since leaving the forces – I just want to say when things went SHIT for me, I hadn’t planned it, I didn’t see it coming and thought I was better than that!

I want to show where in MY EXPERIENCE, guys start to struggle in their transition back to civvy life.

Ready or not, we all go through numerous transitions in our lives – living high school to go to college or work, changing jobs, leaving the military, getting married or even having children.

These become those weeks or months or longer of awkward emotional spaces where we have cut ties with what we know and have not quite settled into what is new. Whatever the circumstances, navigating this gray zone of transitions can be difficult, presenting us with new problems and demanding us to respond in new ways.

Everyone moves either towards what they want or away from what they don't want.

If we want to achieve extraordinary results and fulfillment, we need more than just time management systems. We need a new system of thinking, a way to focus immediately on the results that are most important to us in our lives.

Instead of focusing on what it is we need to do, we should first focus on what it is we really want!

Realise that Transition is just a new chapter in your life.

While you need to acknowledge your loss, you don’t want to get stuck in the past. Recognizing that a door is closed is psychologically healthy; spending your time staring at it is not.

While it sounds like a cliché, the next step after an end is a new beginning, a new chapter, and keeping this in mind can give you a sense of a fresh start. And while the particular circumstances are new, the process itself is familiar.

You have, after all, made transitions before – changing schools, neighborhoods, relationships, jobs. You know the terrain, you’ve acquired experience and skills along the way. You can do this again, and this time even better!

Life Balance ... so where do you start?

If balance is an area of your life that you're finding difficulty in, you're not alone – a large percentage of the people “overload” as a result of the pressures and demands associated with their work and home life whilst attempting to maintain personal & professional relationships, physical health or service within their local communities.

Download your LIFE BALANCE WORKBOOK in the next lecture to help you identify the area's of your life which may be “out of balance” and which you'd like to make some positive changes in today.

Life Balance ... so where do you start?

If balance is an area of your life that you're finding difficulty in, you're not alone – a large percentage of the people “overload” as a result of the pressures and demands associated with their work and home life whilst attempting to maintain personal & professional relationships, physical health or service within their local communities.

Download your LIFE BALANCE WORKBOOK in the next lecture to help you identify the area's of your life which may be “out of balance” and which you'd like to make some positive changes in today.

Whether we're ready and prepared for them or not, we all go through numerous transitions in life – for example, leaving high school to start college or work, changing jobs, leaving the military, getting over the death of a loved one, getting married or even having children.

These seasons of life can become those weeks or months or longer of awkward emotional spaces where we have cut ties with what we know and have not quite settled into what is new. Whatever the circumstances, navigating this grey zone of transitions can be difficult, presenting us with new problems and demanding us to respond in new ways.

The nature of breakthrough is that it sees beyond current circumstances, and situation, with that, said, breakthrough does not come to those who live a life of acceptance, meaning accepting things just the way they are

This section will give you some insights for surviving and thriving through any challenging and uncertain times.

Throughout life, all of us will progress through a natural cycle of birth, growth & death.

At some point in this cycle, living things - like people - reach their "highest potential," and then their various abilities start to decline. The process of developing your potential can be called maturing.

Reflect on all the people you have known directly and by reputation. Can you think of several individuals who are or were extraordinarily able and productive in some ways? Do you feel they've reached their "highest potential"?

Now identify several people you 'feel' "could have done a lot more with their lives" - i.e. those who have not reached their highest potential in your opinion. How do you measure that? Each of us has a range of natural interests, talents, and abilities which we may or may not develop and use.

These abilities vary from person to person, providing a rich social tapestry and shaping our relationships, our families and even our societies.

Did you know that there's a series of stages that healthy people go through in their journeys through life?

At each stage (which we'll often experience as Crisis) we tend to reassess and re-balance our life values priorities. It's helpful to know what some of these stages are so that when we pass through them we can be aware of what's happening and know that problems in life are standard.

Addressed with the right mindset these are stages of personal growth, the movement between stages is a progression. As we pass from one stage to the next, often with some difficult periods of transition, we learn and mature in the process. If we acknowledge and work through the issues of each successive stage, we become more balanced and mature human beings.

Let us embark further on in this journey ...

You can change your circumstances, your situations or even your relationships, but if you don't change YOU, then nothing changes at all.

The greatest transition that we can ever make in life is internal. These internal changes are mental, spiritual and emotional - which we only ever experience when faced with a transition.

Everyone experiences problems. Some of us have more to contend with than others, yet often it’s not the size of the problem that gets us down, but the way we deal with it.

Structured Problem Solving is a useful skill that helps you to step back and evaluate your problems, big or small, in a clearer, more structured way. It’s a “thinking ability” commonly used in personal coaching and has proven to be helpful in managing mild to moderate depression.

It’s a great skill for anyone to learn and because it’s a simple, 4-step process, we’ve put together this easy-to-follow workbook to help you get started:

Everyone experiences problems. Some of us have more to contend with than others, yet often it’s not the size of the problem that gets us down, but the way we deal with it.

Structured Problem Solving is a useful skill that helps you to step back and evaluate your problems, big or small, in a clearer, more structured way. It’s a “thinking skill” commonly used in personal coaching and has proven to be helpful in managing mild to moderate depression.

It’s a great skill for anyone to learn and because it’s basically a simple, 4-step process, we’ve put together this easy-to-follow workbook to help you get started:

We create stories about our lives, what they have been and what they will be. This starts in childhood where we weave our perceptions of ourselves and of the world around us into a narrative about what we can and will do.

The greatest power of understanding life scripts is in the ability this gives you to change them.

Take action to discover your life script (or help others to do so). Listen to yourself. What are the stories you are telling yourself about your life. When do you say 'that's not me' or 'I couldn't do that'? What are the patterns you seek and avoid? What excuses do you make for not doing things?

And then consider how these could change. Rewriting your life script will change your life for the better. Yes, it is scary. Yes, it is exciting. So what is stopping you? Your current life script!

Have you ever felt stressed about merging your way back into civilian life?

The difference between those who make this successful in life and those who don't is how you deal with problems when they arise.

To deal with any of life's problems most effectively (even a huge transition when leaving the military) ... you need a strategy that works!

We live life on levels, but we arrive in stages - however, there is a season of life which I call the 5th season, the season between seasons is the season of transition.

More people find themselves getting lost in this season than in any other season of life. This teaching aims to help you navigate your way through changing times and seasons of your life well.

Winter is the toughest season that many people need to survive. We adapt and survive through winter. We change our dressings, how we live and cook, etc.

But we have no knowledge of a transition season, there is no guide, we are lost not knowing what to do. Hence, most of us don't survive it Then we experience fear, disorientation, pain, negativity, panic, etc

If we do not prepare ourselves for this 5th season of transition, we can very quickly find ourselves getting lost in it.

Since changes are going on anyway, the great thing is to learn enough about them so that we will be able to lay hold of them and turn them in the direction of where we want to get to in the future.

Conditions and events are neither to be fled from nor passively acquiesced in; they are to be utilized and directed. You can change your circumstances, your situations or even your relationships, but if you don't change YOU, then nothing really changes at all.

The Life-Planning Workbook is the 154 page 'guide for life' you should have gotten the day you started to make significant life choices for yourself.

The life-planning process is a result of over 10 years of life-planning work with individuals and groups. It unfolds in an easy-to-follow, self-paced workbook that lets you go as fast or as slow as you wish.

This workbook might take you a few weeks to complete - but if you invest this time into yourself, this will help you bring order, structure and balance back into any area of your life where it's needed.

The Life-Planning Workbook is the 154 page 'guide for life' you should have gotten the day you started to make significant life choices for yourself.

The life-planning process is a result of over 10 years of life-planning work with individuals and groups. It unfolds in an easy-to-follow, self-paced workbook that lets you go as fast or as slow as you wish.

This workbook might take you a few weeks to complete - but if you invest this time into yourself, this will help you bring order, structure and balance back into any area of your life where it's needed.

When J.K. Rowling said, "Rock bottom is the solid foundation on which I built my life," she hit the nail on the head!

Sometimes you've got to sink to the depths to find the energy to skyrocket back up, and in this video, we will explore the main fundamental elements that make you ... you!

Whatever you focus on, you will feel and experience at a stronger level. If you focus on why you have so many problems in your life, you will surely be able to come up with a long list of reasons.

If you focus on all the activities that are keeping you busy, you’ll find yourself continuously adding more and more to your list. Focus on the results you are committed to, and you’ll find yourself consistently moving towards the achievement you want, and very often accomplishing them with a much shorter to-do list than you expected.

This video illustrates how your feelings are completely linked to what you focus on.

The voices in your head hold a negative attitude and use arguments to get their point across.

As you become more aware of these differences, you may notice that these two voices can talk back and forth to one another. Seeing when an “inner conversation” is taking place between the voice of your heart and the voices in your head gives you the freedom to choose which voice is speaking your truth.

I'm assuming that from reading and (hopefully) being able to relate to the above, you'll get the 'just' of what I'm about to share in this video lecture.

One of the most useless pieces of advice often delivered from gurus, and motivational speakers are this: Think positively.

This idea isn't a one-size-fits-all guide to life and can even end up adding considerably to your daily stress load. Not only because you have to tackle the obstacles you're already facing, but from here you also have to wrestle with any negative thoughts that you find yourself having about these obstacles.

We all want to succeed and Breakthrough in life, but the answer is not spending all our time hunting down and killing our negative thoughts; it's to rise above and begin recognizing that, come good or ill, our values sustain us in a much stronger way than positive thinking ever could.

As much as we like to hear positive messages about ourselves, we crave the sense of being an authentic and consistent self in the first place. In this video, I'll offer you an idea that's more effective that 'all' the positive thinking in the world!

Emotional mastery is the key to living a life that you are 100% in control of.

The capacity to have absolute direct power over what you feel in every single moment (despite what's happening around you) is one of the most important skill sets you can have.

Whatever you feel, you're not feeling it because you have to feel it. You're feeling it because you've chosen to focus on something that you don't want (or don't value). To master your emotions and consciously choose the feelings you wish to live in, you need to understand the order of your emotions, how they work and also how to read them!

Emotion is created by motion.Where your focus goes, your energy will flow. And where energy flows, whatever you're focusing on grows. In other words, your life is controlled by what you focus on. That's why you need to focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear.

Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction.

By becoming competent at understanding and mastering your emotions, you can choose to spend more time in positive and resourceful emotional conditions.

From these circumstances, you'll become better at making more empowered decisions that will help you reach your greatest potential and in turn to BREAKTHROUGH this military transition WELL, and start SMASHING any undesired circumstances that you find yourself facing.

In this video, we'll take a bit of a deeper look into our emotions, alongside a full overview of how to manage them in the most effective way.

Like building muscles in the gym, the more you flex your emotions, the more " emotional muscle" you'll build. You wouldn't expect to be a bodybuilder after just five minutes.

The more consistently you practice, the greater the changes you’ll experience in the way you feel, think, and behave.

When you are aware and in control of your emotions, you can think clearly and creatively; manage stress and challenges; communicate well with others; and display trust, empathy, and confidence. But lose control of your emotions, and you’ll spin into confusion, isolation, and negativity.

Emotional awareness is a skill, which means that with patience and practice, it can be learned. This video will help you to develop your emotional awareness by teaching you how to understand your emotions and manage them so you remain in control, rather than being controlled by them.

The following Steve Job's quote give's us a perfect summary of what I'll be discussing in this video:

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

I know you'll catch my drift with this one!

Whether we are consciously aware of them or not, we all have reference points.

These points dictate what we do in our life and who we become. We have reference points for every area of our existence. They are what we look up to and what guides us. These reference points are what shape our path towards fulfilling a far more effective future.

Here is one of my favourite inspirational tales. Please read on ...

It was not long after the Gods had created humankind that they very soon realised that they had made a huge mistake. The creatures that they had created were so adept, so skilful, so full of curiosity and the spirit of enquiry that it was only a matter of time before they would start to challenge the Gods themselves for supremacy.

To ensure their pre-eminence, the Gods held a large conference to discuss the issue. Gods were summoned from all over the known and unknown worlds. The debates were long, detailed, and soul-searching, and lasted well into the night.

They were all unanimous about one thing. What differentiated the Gods from the mortals that they had created were the differences between the quality of the resources they had. While humans had their egos and were concerned with the external, material aspects of the world, the Gods had spirit, soul, and an understanding of the workings of the inner self.

The Gods realised that sooner or later the humans would want some of that too. And so the Gods decided to hide their precious resources. The question was: where? This was the reason for the length and passion of the debates at the Great Conference of the Gods.

Some suggested hiding these resources at the top of the highest mountain. But it was realised that sooner or later the humans would scale such a mountain.

And the deepest crater in the deepest ocean would be discovered. And mines would be sunk into the earth. And the most impenetrable jungles would give up their secrets. And mechanical birds would explore the sky and space. And the moon and the planets would become tourist attractions.

And even the wisest and most creative of the Gods fell silent as if every avenue had been explored and found wanting. Where on earth could they hide these precious resources?

And then, the Littlest God, who had been silent until now, spoke up. "Why don't we hide these resources inside each human? They will never think to look for them there."

And so they did. Many of us don't think to look at our resources, but when we do we can often find our greatest potential.

Going within is an often missed key to successful living. Without knowing what matters to us, without the clarity that comes from self-knowledge, without the peace of knowing our actions are in harmony with who we are deep down, we often find ourselves flitting from action to action.

Our focus centers on the "doing" of our lives and not the "being" of our lives. You are the creator of your reality and have the power to change it by shifting your attitude from chasing wants on the outside to fulfilling needs on the inside. The choice as always is yours and yours only.

In this video, I share a few thoughts on the reason so many of us can have a problematic transition from the military, back into civilian life.

There is only one set of foundations that you can build your life upon which is strong enough to sustain you, and this is the truth of who you are.

All of us have a public self that others see as well as our private thoughts and feelings, but we also have a deeper self which could be called the “core self.” Many people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think or say about them. Some even try to control what others think or say about them, even though this is impossible to do and wastes a lot of energy!

The example of Nelson Mandela who spent 26 years in prison for trying to bring freedom to his people. He was beaten and mistreated by his jailers, but instead of reacting in anger or with resentment, Nelson Mandela treated his captors with respect and concern for their lives. Why? Because he understood his core value, his core self, and was fundamentally secure in who he was.

If Mandela was able to do it, we are also able to do it too.

Core Identity is the essence of who a person is. This unique “Core Identity” can be identified or described by attributes that belong to and describe an individual. Some unique characteristics are immediately measurable at birth. Others will develop and can only be recognised over time.

You can't change who you are. No matter how you struggle, some things will never change. And maybe they shouldn't. So .... let's go a little deeper if that's OK??

Use the links in the additional resources section to access two great quizzes: The Visual DNA 'Who Am I' Quiz, and the Visual DNA 'Personality' Test.

Here’s where I get my kit off and bear all (NOT LITERALLY); but share the steps I took to get out the shit – which I believe ANYONE can adapt and apply to achieve similar, or better results than me.

So here we go – this is the best that I’ve got: These 7 Steps, are the exact seven steps that I took, to begin moving forward upon my entire life collapsing (around my ears) back in 2007.

These same seven steps continue to give me a framework, for basing my decisions upon today as I continue to make progress through the extent of my various life areas.

In this lecture, I'll discuss the first of the seven steps you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making tremendous progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

Most people don’t know the profound effects of making decisions. Often, we go through life oblivious to what thoughts we are thinking and what actions we are taking.

Every single decision we make in our days shapes our current reality. It shapes who we are as a person because we habitually follow through with the decisions we make without even realising it.

If you’re unhappy with the results in your life right now, making the effort to changing your decisions starting today will be the key to creating the person you want to be and the life you wish to have in the future.

“Our real problem, then, is not our strength today; it is rather the vital necessity of action today to ensure our strength tomorrow.” ~ Dwight D. Eisenhower

In this lecture, I'll discuss the second of the 7 steps you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making huge progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

When you are committed to life, everything is possible!

In war, in sports, in life, those without a commitment to victory and success often create their defeat. If we could see the meaning of "do or die" as does a soldier in battle, we would be victorious more often.

In this lecture, I'll discuss the third of the seven steps you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making tremendous progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

“It is necessary… for a man to go away by himself.. to sit on a rock.. and ask, ‘Who am I, where have I been, and where am I going?” - Carl Sandburg

Life is a direct product of our actions, beliefs and attitudes. We are directly responsible for everything that happens in our lives. Do you agree?

In this lecture, I'll discuss the fourth of the 7 Master Steps that you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making tremendous progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

If you are in control of your thoughts, you can achieve almost anything. It sounds simplistic, and we’ve all heard it before, many times, and wondered why we still can’t achieve what we want.

But hang on, there’s more to it that just a simplistic belief that “you can achieve anything you want in life”... right?

In this lecture, I'll discuss the fifth of the 7 Master Steps that you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making tremendous progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

Every contribution towards a better world is significant. Every one of us can make a difference.

Do you know what difference you want to make? Or, are you already making one?

In this lecture, I'll discuss the sixth of the 7 Master Steps that you can begin taking today for getting outside of your comfort zone, and making huge progress in your personal, professional and your social life.

STEP 7: The Pete Principles

So find a Pete. Your Pete’s going to be different from mine; I have a few Pete’s now –whilst being a Pete for others. Find someone you respect that’s doing SOMETHING OF VALUE and GET INVOLVED!

I found MY Pete when I’d started giving back; I’d committed to providing some Church folks with an Army Boot Camp – and that was literally all I had!

PLAN A: FIND A PETE! – But if this doesn’t happen overnight, you need a plan B;

PLAN B: FIND THE NEXT BEST THING: then keep looking for a Pete!

We’ve all rat packs and stuff on exercise that was less than ideal – so if you can’t find a model Pete right away, find one that’s less than ideal – then keep on looking and do what you’ve got to do.

If you’ve got it all together, and this course hasn't exactly been for you - well there’s a lot of Guys out there needing a Pete so be a Pete for someone starting TODAY and help someone else get a result!

I’d imagine Aaron Black didn’t have a Pete – which is sad – he could have done with of the guys that have it all together, but, unfortunately, there was no-one available at the time. I can honestly say I was walking what I’m talking RIGHT now within a few weeks of meeting Pete.

The reason I reckon I got an AWESOME Pete, was cos I’d already started giving back – even when my motives were wrong! I began contributing to something good, and then Pete showed up.

So, this gives us three plans to go off now:

PLAN A: FIND A PETE!

PLAN B: FIND THE NEXT BEST THING: then keep looking for a Pete!

PLAN C: BE A PETE – and help someone else get a result!

Take it or leave it ... this is the course project.

There are no rules, no guidelines and there is no right or wrong.

Now .... CRACK ON MY FRIEND!!

No good course would ever be complete without it's very own list of recommended reads ... so here goes!

This video brings the course to a close (for now), and I can only thank you once again for enrolling in the first place, and also for placing your trust in me as your coach.

Moving forward, I will continue to develop the course by adding new resources and study materials (and please feel free to get in touch with me directly if there are topics that you'd like me to produce future videos on).

For now, though, if you'd be happy to take a few minutes to rate and review the course - I'd hugely appreciate it - this will allow other potential 'students of truth' to make a well-informed decision as to whether this is the kind of course that might benefit and help them.

But other that this, God bless, all the best and I'll look forward to hopefully seeing you again in one of my other courses!

Kain Ramsay