Exude Virtual Executive Presence!

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You might remember this from my last course: Speak UP! Public Speaking for Leadership Development. To kick off any type of new habit development or skill building, we first need a certain level of self awareness. We can’t change into something new, unless we know where we are now.

In order to be seen as an expert and to deliver value, we need to first make sure we’re showing up professionally. In this new virtual environment, showing up as a professional can be hard! There are new hurdles to overcome.

I’m going to walk you through a bit of a self assessment to understand if you might be unconsciously sabotaging yourself so you don’t show up professionally, to your colleagues, to leadership, or to yourself. This could be undercutting your confidence and ultimately your career growth.

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A great friend and mentor of mine, Paula Shaw, of the popular leadership development workshop The MAX, once taught me that we often think of our commitments as all the good things we do in our life; the relationships we commit to, the hobbies we spend time cultivating, the exercise routine, and the good food habits.

Most people don't think about all of the bad habits they unconsciously commit to everyday. Committed to always running 5 minutes late. Committed to keeping that stack of papers on our desk. Committed to not dressing in a way that makes us feel respected. Committed to one too many cookies after dinner and telling ourselves that tomorrow we’re going to give up cookies.

“Once we own self sabotage commitments, we actually give ourselves the opportunity to get unstuck and grow.”

So, here’s my question to you. What are you unconsciously committed to in terms of how you show up on a daily basis at work?

The first step to changing anything is self awareness. Tony Robbins reminds us that, “An airplane never flies straight. It’s always course correcting in order to reach its destination.” So are we! Let’s do a bit of course correcting this week.

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Now that you’ve taken the step of seeing your self-sabotage commitments, owning them, and letting them go, we can start to build knowledge, techniques, and best practices on a solid foundation. Now, you can begin to show up as a professional, especially in this tricky virtual environment.

In order to show up as a professional, you have to prepare yourself for success more than you would for in-person events. In my practice, there are two categories of preparation:

1. Physical preparation

2. Mental preparation

At this point you might be saying, “Prepare! That sounds like work! I want to know how to show up well, without taking the time to prepare. What’s wrong with winging it, Rebecca? I’m usually good at winging it.” Famous last words.

In this lecture, I'll tell you a story about a client who decided to not prepare, physically or mentally, and instead relied on his ability to wing it.

Let me ask you a question: What do you rely on?

Inspiration?

Charisma?

Winging it?

Technique?

Are you motivated yet to learn more technique and strategy?

See you in the next video!

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Here are seven actions you can take to physically prepare to show up as a professional in this virtual world. I want you to reference this checklist before signing in to any call, meeting, or presentation.

You can find this checklist in your workbook under, "Checklist for Success".

You can’t deliver an important message well, inspire your audience, or survive a tough Q + A session, if you haven’t done what you can to set yourself up, physically and logistically, for a successful experience. Physical preparation comes first. This is what you'll learn in this lesson.

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Remember poor Pablo? Not only did he not physically prepare himself for success, but he also didn't prepare his content, and prepare mentally, so he could feel confident in his material and come across as calm and in control.

Pablo had an “Outside-In experience”. He allowed what was happening outside of himself, in his environment, to determine how he felt about himself on the inside. He probably knew what he wanted to say before getting up in front of his audience, but when he saw all of the new faces out there, he immediately became distracted with such questions as: "What are they thinking about me?" "Are they judging me right now?" "Do I look and sound as scared and unprepared as I feel?" These thoughts coming from the outside world, overwhelmed his internal confidence and the clarity of his message.

Think about the last time you stood up in front of an audience. You probably knew what you wanted to say before being handed the microphone. Did you forget your words? Did your mind go blank all of a sudden? Did those 50 sets of eyes looking back at you make you think more about what everybody else was thinking and experiencing, then what you were thinking about and wanting to say?

When we prepare correctly and adequately, we put our focus on having an "Inside-Out experience". That means we strengthen our internal dialogue so it is stronger and louder than external voices and stimuli. We focus on affirming the message WE want to communicate. We focus on clarifying the goal WE want to accomplish. We focus on how WE are feeling and what WE need in order to achieve our goal.

By doing this, we counteract some of the worst habits ingrained in our society: our tendency towards people pleasing.

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Here are five important techniques you can use in order to have an "Inside-Out experience". These techniques are applicable to almost any situation, whether it be an important conversation, a small meeting, or a more formal presentation. In person or virtually, these techniques have your back.

As I covered in the last video, I want you to remember that the goal of these specific techniques is to keep you focused on who you are, what you think, what your experiences are, and to help you translate your inner world to your audience. When we root ourselves in our own thoughts and expertise, we come from a place of grounded, authentic confidence. We tend to care less about how other people receive and perceive us, and are able to more successfully resist the urge to simply try and give people what they want.

Finding the voice of your inner advocate is so important, I'm going to dedicate a whole video to it. So, join me in our next lesson where I help you hear the voice of your inner critic and hold on to the voice of your inner advocate.

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In order to find the voice of your inner advocate, let's start by finding the voice of your inner critic. You'll be "shocked" to know this is a lot easier to find for most people, then the voice of their inner advocate. Ha ha. :)

Think about the last situation in which you had to speak and your inner critic was raging, attacking you. What was it saying? I know this might be painful, but in this video, you're going to uncover the voice of your inner critic.

Now, I'd like you to think of a situation in which you had to speak and it went really well. You felt comfortable and confident in what you had to say, and your dynamic with your audience.

What were you telling yourself?

In this video, I will walk you through the process of identifying BOTH of these voices. Then, I’ll meet you in the next video where I’ll give you a sneak peak into my own personal preparation ritual that pretty much ensures a successful outcome for me in my important meetings and workshops, every time.

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There's a point I want to make that's so important, I want to give it its own video.

If you've had a similar experience to Pablo, or worse, I want to commend you: Congratulations!

What you’ve experienced, failure, is a gift in disguise. You’ve reached a certain rock bottom. Most clients I'm speaking to are so scared of hitting rocking bottom, that this fear is the thing that keeps them from daring greatly, as Brene Brown says. So now, you know what it feels like to “fail”. You’ve experienced yours, and other people’s worst nightmare. Was it so bad? Did you get fired? Was it the end of the world? Do you want to take steps so that it never happens again?

"Easy for you to say, Rebecca! Public speaking is easy for you. You've always had a way with words and you're always so confident."

What if I were to tell you I lost my words, on stage, in front of hundreds of people on opening night? What if I were to tell you that in an important meeting, where an opportunity for career growth was on the line, I didn't know when or how to speak up and deliver value? What if I told you I was always the shy student in the back that couldn't get up the courage to raise her hand and deliver an alternative point of view?

I know from firsthand experiences what it feels like to have my worst nightmare come true; and it's because I embraced these experiences that I learned foolproof techniques to help me build authentic confidence, speak up when it matters the most, and communicate my authority and expertise to an important audience. It's because of these experiences, I am here teaching you.

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I cannot stress the importance of having a ritual. We are creatures of habit. At night, we brush our teeth, and that lets our body know we're getting ready to go to bed. When we wake up in the morning, most of us rush to have that first cup of coffee, a ritual which lets our body know we're getting ready to meet our day.

When we know we need to show up as our best self, we need to have a set of actions communicate to our body we are gearing up to show up at peak performance. Your body and mind will learn through repetition what you want it to do. This is the definition of a "Preparation Ritual".

In this lesson, I will walk you through my preparation ritual and prompt you to create your own.

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After the last three videos, I can imagine you are pumped! I sure am!

So far, you have:

1. Committed to letting go of at least 3 ways you self-sabotage.

2. Committed to 1 practical technique to show up as a professional.

3. Committed to 1 strategy to prepare yourself mentally for your presentations and meetings.

4. Created a personal preparation ritual, so you don’t have to rely on feeling great in the moment, or inspiration, to have a successful meeting or presentation.

Well done you!

Let’s imagine you fast forward to your next virtual meeting.

You show up professional, you’re prepared, but ⅓ of the way in, you get derailed! You came in with confidence and professionalism, but somehow or another, you lose CONTROL and you ended up feeling deflated and concerned about how your next meeting or presentation is going to go.

It might help you to know that somebody else derailing your meeting or presentation, isn’t your fault. You can’t control how other people react to you. Unfortunately, the outcome of the meeting or presentation is important to your success. So, it’s imperative you prepare yourself for success, but also know how to start in control, and stay in control. It's time to learn how to get in the driver's seat, and stay in the driver's seat.

Some thoughts around control: When we feel in control, we tend to feel confident. Confidence is a virtuous cycle. The more we feel confident, the more we exude confidence. The more people feel our confidence, the more they see us as confident. The more people see us as confident, the more confidence we feel. Confidence, as you know, is everything. From my experience, confidence and control are linked, hand in hand.

Here are three, common ways we lose control during our meetings or presentations:

• We don't start off on the right foot. Either we let someone else start speaking, or we focus on the wrong things to be begin with. We set the wrong tone.

• We might start on the right foot, but someone quickly asks an unrelated question or brings up another topic and it takes us down a rabbit hole we have a hard time recovering from.

• We might start off and feel in control throughout, but we simply aren't getting the engagement from our audience we want. They don't respond when we ask a question, and they look bored like they're doing something else.

  
  

These are all signs and symptoms that we haven't started in control, and don't know how to stay in control during our remote meetings or presentations. In the next few videos, I'm going to teach you how to do this; how to step into the driver's seat and stay in the driver's seat.

In this video, you will learn whether or not you are in the "drivers seat" in your meetings and presentations by taking a self assessment.

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Have you ever noticed that what happens in the first 5 minutes of any interaction, any meeting, or any presentation, sets the tone for the entire thing? Think about the importance of the first 5 minutes.

• In a conversation, the first impression happens in the first five minutes.

• When we lead meetings or presentations, the first five minutes can have the same impact as the first few seconds in a conversation.

• The first five minutes is also where we feel the highest level of nerves.

For these reasons, I encourage my clients to spend more time preparing for the first 5 minutes, as they are often the most critical.

In this lesson, I will teach you how to prepare for the first five minutes so you set the tone for the rest of your presentation or meeting, you can give the audience the relevant information, and so they can sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

During my days of waitressing, it was often my experience that if I got off on the right foot with a customer; I greeted them early and I took the time to make real eye contact and make a connection, there was almost nothing I could do after that would screw up getting off to a good start.

Similarly, if we start a meeting or a presentation off well in the first five minutes, most likely, the rest will flow smoothly. We have our confidence intact and the audience engaged, listening and trusting us. The rest is easy!

In our next video, you’ll learn when and how to interrupt, and redirect gracefully. Never thought it possible? Join me and you'll find out!

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Our first step in learning how to stay in the drivers seat, is to learn how to interrupt gracefully. Now, I know you are probably saying: "I don't want to be that person! Isn't interrupting rude?"

My answer to this response is simple: "Currently, you don't interrupt. How’s that working for you? Probably not so well, because you’re taking this course."

And get this:

It’s my understanding at this point in my career, people who are not capable of interrupting gracefully, are not actually able to do their job well. We live in a culture of interruption. If you are letting one individual hijack the conversation, you're probably not getting your work done efficiently and effectively, and respecting everyone's time.

Interrupt boldly and gracefully, and just keep going. You’re on your way to staying in the drivers seat for the whole journey. Do me a favor and try interrupting this week. No, seriously. Once per meeting, everyday. Write it on a sticky note to ensure you practice this critical skill. Don’t have too much fun! Happy practicing!

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In this lesson, I share my own personal story with you, because I’m sure you’ve experienced a similar conundrum.

I want you to know something:

What we’re asking our bodies and psyches to do by conducting our meetings and presentations over virtual reality, is extremely awkward, uncomfortable, and goes against all of our biological instincts.

It might make sense to you in your mind, but your body is having a hard time getting used to it, for good reason. I say this because so many of my clients:

• Have come to me because they have had no problems presenting in the past, but all of a sudden, because they’re speaking over a virtual platform, they’re beginning to experience nerves and anxiety that feel surprising and insurmountable.

• Have always relied on using their personality to alleviate tension and create connection with their audience, and are finding themselves at a loss for how to create the same “personality” over a virtual platform.

• Have relied on their ability to read a room in order to know what to do or say, and are having a hard time reading the room when the room is a bunch of tiny boxes.

These are very COMMON challenges. They are very REAL, and they are JUSTIFIED. It is HARD to communicate confidence and personality and create engagement in others over a virtual platform. I share my story in this lesson, because I want you to know you are not alone in your struggle.

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Here is my list of five, effective communication techniques for remote speaking. These are a few of the many techniques I have found useful, as I guide my clients to become better presenters and leaders in a remote environment.

This list is far from everything, and will continue to grow and change as technology and new ways of working grow and change. We’re living in a world where agility and the ability to pivot are key to our success and survival.

In this lesson, I will teach you key techniques to thriving in a remote environment, and I will encourage you to take the clarity and motivation you’re feeling now, and put your commitment into action.

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I know my clients, ultimately, have it inside of them to coach themselves. So, let’s embark on a little "self coaching" now.

Take a moment to think about, and write down, the answers to these three questions:

What have you learned from your time leading meetings and presenting in our tough virtual world?

What do you do currently that works?

In what ways do you want to improve?

Look at the techniques I have listed on your handout. Might adopting one of these techniques help you to improve your performance or mood around presenting remotely? If so, commit to adopting this new technique this week, practicing it everyday.

Let’s practice one technique together! This technique is called: increase your expression 20%!

You might be thinking, this is a great idea, but wondering, what does that mean and how do I do that? This video will walk you through a step-by-step approach to increase your expression 20%. We will do this by learning to move the easiest parts of our body that can authentically communicate our expression: our eyebrows, our mouth, and our hands. Get ready for some silly fun!

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Did you ever think you were going to have to learn how to make eye contact with a little green light? I sure didn't. Did you ever think you were going to have try to make eye contact with so many small boxes, all at the same time? You got me.

These are just a couple of the weird things we need to learn how to do in order to communicate successfully in this virtual working environment.

You might think making eye contact while giving your virtual presentation really shouldn't be that hard, but let me tell you, this is complicated stuff! At this point, you might not even be aware of where you're looking, but your body is and your audience is too.

In this video, I will teach you the three, eye contact strategies to avoid. I will also teach you rules for powerful eye contact, which will serve you in any remote or in-person situation.

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You now have my top five, effective communication techniques for remote speaking. You've practiced two of them, enhancing your expression by 20%, and landing your eye contact.

In order to get the most out of this list, I want to challenge you to assign yourself one technique to practice every week. For example, this week might be about eye contact. Next week might be all about embracing silence and pausing. The following week could be focused on chunking and checking in.

You can go to your calendar now and assign specific techniques for you to practice during specific meetings. I want to remind you: the more you practice, the more comfortable you'll be with each of these techniques. The more comfortable you are with each of these techniques, the more they'll turn into your new normal. The more they turn into your new normal, the more they become your communication style.

So, take the time, right now, to assign yourself homework for the coming weeks. We can accomplish great goals, through taking simple, daily steps. Every day is a new day with the opportunity for you to step back into your practice. You're on day one. What are you going to do today?

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The one thing we can count on in life, is change. As soon as you get used to something, it's going to change. Change is the only constant. As you learn these tools and techniques, the environment for which I've created these, has already changed.

Guess what! You're in luck. Most, if not all of these techniques, translate directly to your in-person meetings and presentations, as well! For example, how to prepare mentally and prepare your content for meetings and presentations, is the exact same preparation strategy I give for in-person meetings and presentations. The powerful structure for any introduction, is useful over remote platforms, as well as for in-person meetings.

So, when you experience a feeling of fear or anxiety about what it's going to feel like to lead meetings or presentations in person, don't worry! All of the techniques you have learned through these videos, and that you're practicing on a daily basis because of these videos, are building the muscles you need to flex when you're experiencing nerves and anxiety during in-person meetings and presentations, especially when the stakes are high.

Congratulations! You made it through: Show Up! 

You are now able to get in control, and stay in control, in this tricky virtual environment. I'm hoping you're feeling a lot more grounded and empowered knowing:

• The ways in which you've been sabotaging yourself from showing up professionally.

• What you can do to prepare yourself physically and tactically to show up professionally.

• What you can do mentally, and with your content, to prepare to show up as an expert and deliver value.

• How you can step into the driver's seat, and stay in the driver's seat, throughout your remote meetings and presentations.

• Effective communication techniques relevant to this new hybrid environment.

I've packed a lot of tools and techniques into this course. I want to encourage you to go back and watch these videos again, take longer to practice the homework, and notice what happens when you hear the material for a second time. Each one of these tools and techniques can be life-changing, so give each of them their due by practicing them with awareness and intentionally for at least a week. By doing this, you'll truly begin to see results.

I've thoroughly enjoyed having you in my course. Thank you so much for taking the time to listen, absorb, and practice my techniques. Thank you for trusting me to lead you through all of the challenges that remote communication has put in front of us, and please know, I'm always here to support you.

If you'd like to ask me any questions, feel free to jump into the question and answer section, and most importantly, pass it on to friends, colleagues, or your manager. It's important we learn how to grow strong together, and give these tools and techniques to others who might benefit.

I am happy to speak to you about your specific needs. I'm here to help. Please message me, and I look forward to continuing to work together.

Thanks again, and I look forward to seeing you in my next video series. Until then, happy practicing!