Assertiveness: 17 Steps to “Rock Star” Confidence

Here are some of the top words and phrases that reveal uncertainty: 

• I think
• I hope
• I guess 
• I feel 
• Perhaps 
• Maybe 
• Try 
• Kind of 
• Sort of 
• If you’ll humor me 
• Let me

If you find uncertain words in your recording, replace them with one or more of the following words or phrases to suggest confidence:

• I will 
• I’m going to 
• Yes 
• Absolutely 
• Certainly

Confident leaders can move their audience to action. Does “Would you mind telling me what you came up with?” express confidence? How about, “If you wouldn’t mind, we’re going to go focus on [whatever] now”? Time and time again I observe presenters making such weak and ineffective remarks.

Instead, try this: “Tell me what you came up with.” Or say, “Start focusing on [whatever].” These are direct commands. Some presenters avoid using direct commands because they don’t want to sound too controlling. However, you can tell someone to do something without seeming dictatorial or disrespectful.

In any case, to inspire confidence, you have to show you can lead people. To be effective as a presenter, you must lead them. This is why I suggest you use directionals in your presentation when necessary. All directionals begin with an action verb.

Just as I’ve suggested you apologize rather than say you’re sorry if you misspeak, if you lose your place, do not blurt out something like “I forgot what I was going to say” or “I lost my train of thought.”

Instead, just pause for three seconds. If you can recover, then just move right along. Otherwise:

Ask your audience what questions they might have. This will work well if you stumble at a point when asking for questions seems appropriate.

Give the audience a directional. Show them the PowerPoint presentation, for example, and say, “Take a look at that.” Or ask audience members to take a look at the handout. While they look, the attention is off you, and you have bought a few seconds to recover your thought.

Or move to another topic. Whatever you do, do not announce you forgot what you were going to say. 

When I coach presenters, I always ask them if they’re feeling ready to present with confidence. If they say yes, I ask how they can tell.

“I know what I’m going to say,” they respond.

“Good,” I answer. “You’ve taken the first step.”

They look perplexed. “What else is there?”

I remind them: How you say it is more important than what you say. To present with confidence, you must have a confident voice.

You show confidence in your voice through the elements we have already discussed: pace, which is speed; volume, which is loudness; tone, which is the quality of your voice; and inflection, which is a change in pitch or tone. Let me revisit some of the aspects of voice, but with a special emphasis on expressing confidence. 

Now it’s your turn...

Present for 5 minutes and record your voice with a smart phone. Listen to the recording as many times as necessary to check that you are expressing yourself confidently by answering the following questions.

Is your tone low and resonant and your pitch low? Is your volume comfortable for you and appropriate for your audience? Is your pace comfortable for you and appropriate for your audience? Are you using the power of the pause?

Write in your own words what you can do to work on areas that need improvement. 

These are the key features of a confident stance:

You’re balanced. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and pointed slightly outward in a V shape.

You’re composed: Stand with both arms at your sides.

You’re erect. Stand tall and with your shoulders back. You don’t have to be ramrod-straight, but you should not be slouching.

Though the above stance works for both men and women, I’ve mentioned that some women prefer an alternative that you may notice many television newswomen employ. It too shows confidence. 

Stay silent while you’re in motion

One of the most effective ways to display confidence and emphasize your point is to say, “Think about that,” and then stop talking. If crossing the stage for a demonstration will take only two or three seconds, remain silent when you cross the stage, take your new position, and turn. Then, resume speaking. 

Maintain eye contact

I asked a very powerful, very effective attorney if I could observe him to see what I might learn and offered to give him any tips I thought might be helpful. He agreed and also said he’d welcome suggestions. (In my experience, the worst presenters are not open to tips. They believe they know it all. The best ones always want tips and have an attitude that is open to learning—what I described in the introduction as the “white-belt mentality.” Being open to suggestions is part of what made them the best. And they just get better and better.)