Improve relationships and increase trust by just saying no!
4.0 (17 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
658 students enrolled

Improve relationships and increase trust by just saying no!

Learn how to create space in your life by dealing with the emotional responses we have to saying no and being told no.
4.0 (17 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
658 students enrolled
Created by Paul Marshall
Last updated 10/2015
Current price: $16.99 Original price: $24.99 Discount: 32% off
5 hours left at this price!
30-Day Money-Back Guarantee
This course includes
  • 43 mins on-demand video
  • 3 articles
  • 4 downloadable resources
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
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What you'll learn
  • Apply a tool for diagnosing why the right things are not done at the right time to the right standards.
  • Utilise a framework for understanding and identifying our emotional reactions to saying no (and to being told no)
  • Benefit from a method of declining other people's requests that increases trust, allows you to focus on what is important and deliver value to your organisation
  • Practice new interpersonal skills that will make you more effective across your personal and professional life
  • The course provides an introduction to Affect Script Psychology and Commitment-Based Management but students do not need any prior knowledge in these fields to understand the material presented.

COURSE UPDATED: October 13, 2015 - New bonus material added. Entire course updated to comply with new Udemy standards.

With a full calendar and hardly a minute to spare many of us are in danger of being overwhelmed by the amount of work we have taken on - both at work and at home. We all know that the quickest way to create some space and take a breath is to just say “no”. From William Ury’s best seller “The Power of a Positive No” to the advice of well meaning friends we are told that we shouldn’t be afraid to say no. But many people are.

Saying no isn’t easy. Done the wrong way it can cause damage to the most important of relationships.

Dealing with our emotional response to thought of saying no is one thing, dealing with how other people react to being told no is a completely different thing all together. We want to be seen as being more than just competent. We want to earn the trust of our friends and colleagues and we need to get the work done. So we say yes with the consequences that the important but not urgent works slips further behind, we rush to produce work of a quality below what we are capable of and we fear we will burn out if this continues much longer.

In this course we will be getting to the heart of why we often struggle to say no and what action you can take to make it easier to say no while improving relationships and building trust. You will be introduced a new set of interpersonal skills that will help you to:

    ·diagnose why the right things are not being done at the right time to the right standard

    ·understand and identify your emotional reactions to saying no (and to being told no)

    ·respond in a way that increases trust in business and personal relationships, allows you to focus on what is important and deliver value

It doesn’t matter how busy you are it is the one course you should say, “yes!” to.

Who this course is for:
  • This course is meant for anyone who is feeling overwhelmed and finds it challenging to deal with the emotional responses associated with saying no.
Course content
Expand all 19 lectures 57:09
+ Introduction
2 lectures 03:53

This section outlines the objectives for this course. One of the things we fear most in this world is someone saying no in response to a request we might make of them.

Preview 01:36

We don't often think about our listening, where it comes from or what we cannot hear. This lecture will get you looking differently at your listening.

A word about your listening
+ How to get clear about what you want with conversations for action
2 lectures 05:43

This lecture introduces the conversations for action loop and describes the conversations that need to take place if you want to ensure the right things are being done and the right time and to the right standard.

Conversations for action

This lecture explores how you can apply your knowledge of the loop as a tool for diagnosing why things go wrong in your communication.

How to diagnose problems
QUIZ: Conversations for action
5 questions
+ Introducing your affects - how our emotional responses drive how we do things
6 lectures 17:24

This lecture provides a brief introduction to the field of Affect Script Psychology.

Preview 03:47

The video that illustrates affect in action before we have time to write scripts that change our innate responses is called "Emerson - Mommy's Nose is Scary!" It runs for almost 1 minute and this is the link to the official version on YouTube:

You will see four of the innate affects displayed - interest, fear, startle and joy. You already know what they look like on the face of another person so take this opportunity to observe Emerson's affective system respond to the stimulii in the surrounding environment.

Experiencing affect in others

The video that illustrates the different ways that we respond to being told we are not going to get what we want is called "Hey Jimmy Kimmell I told my kids I ate all their Halloween Candy". It runs for almost 5 minutes and this is the link to the official version on YouTube:

Pay attention to the different facial expressions and the way the kids' bodies get involved. You are seeing a number of affects being displayed and they are mixed together with learned responses to those affects being triggered.

Also pay attention to how you respond to the different ways the children respond. What are their displays provoking in you?

Please note: We are having some trouble with the worksheet. Coming soon!

The experience of being told "no"

This lecture introduces the shame affect and the role it has to play in letting us know when we are not getting what we want.

Identifying our responses to the shame affect

We all draw from four libraries of responses when we do not get what we want. This lecture introduces the four types of responses that you will be able to observe in the people around you. The real challenge is learning to observe your own preferred style of response.

I have included a link to a blog post I have written that explores our responses to shame being triggered in our personal relationships

The four ways we respond to shame

A quiz to help you identify where our responses fall on the compass of shame.

Identifying our responses to shame affect
4 questions
+ A different way of listening to "no"
3 lectures 07:17

This lecture looks at what would happen if we treated a request to look after our puppy in the same way we respond to most requests we receive in the workplace. It is important to note that no puppies were harmed during the production of this video. I make sure my puppies are very well looked after and very happy!

Preview 02:27
A care-full way of saying "no"

This is a serious warning. The tools you have been provided with are powerful and not everyone will appreciate your new powers!

Don't trying this at home! A warning about applying what you have learned.
+ What do I do when someone else always says "no"?
1 lecture 08:43

This lesson was created in response to a student question regarding how to respond to someone who always says no.

Preview 08:43
+ Wrapping it all up
5 lectures 12:08
Concluding thoughts

This two page PDF has been designed to print out and keep handy by your desk. It has the loop and the compass for easy reference.

Other resources
2 pages

A bonus lecture based on a blog post I wrote on dealing with fear in sales.

Preview 04:54

I am working on my next Udemy course on conflict which examines how affect script psychology helps us understand why we always seem to have the same fights with the people we love and what we can do to break the cycle. This video is "The Orange Story" and it introduces an approach that you can use to help resolve conflict when it does arise.

BONUS: Negotiating conflict

It can be a challenge to try some of the tools and strategies suggested in this course for the very first time. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to be a beginner.

BONUS: Don't be afraid of being a beginner