Resolving Conflicts and Improving Relationships
4.1 (12 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
69 students enrolled

Resolving Conflicts and Improving Relationships

A Course in Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
4.1 (12 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
69 students enrolled
Created by Marshall Bolin
Last updated 2/2020
English
Current price: $23.99 Original price: $34.99 Discount: 31% off
5 hours left at this price!
30-Day Money-Back Guarantee
This course includes
  • 4 hours on-demand video
  • 14 downloadable resources
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
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What you'll learn
  • Communication Skills
  • Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
  • Conflict Resolution
  • Psychology
Requirements
  • No
Description

Learn how to resolve conflicts and fix damaged relationships using a four-step process call Nonviolent Communication (NVC). Find out how conflict gets started and how it can be prevented and recovered from.

Instructor Marshall Bolin teaches from his experience in community mediation and working with troubled youth.

This course is for complete beginners as well as those who are already familiar with NVC and would like to hone their skills with practice exercises and thought-provoking journal questions.

Who this course is for:
  • Couples who want to improve their relationship
  • Groups who want to function more smoothly
  • Individuals who want to communicate better
Course content
Expand all 35 lectures 03:59:00
+ Introduction
6 lectures 28:28

Introduction to NVC. How does communication style relate to conflict? Why is it called "Nonviolent" Communication?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

1. Think of a person who seems very different from you. Name one need you have that you imagine the other person would also say is a need of theirs. Can you think of any other needs you both might share?

2. Have you ever tried to be more assertive? What results were you expecting from trying to be more assertive? Did the attempt to be more assertive have the effect you intended?

3. Have you ever tried to be more accommodating? What results were you expecting from trying to be more accommodating? Did the attempt to be more accommodating have the effect you intended?

Preview 06:21

What are the qualities and underlying assumptions of the mode of communicating most people are taught from an early age? How does this communication style fuel conflict?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Can you think of an instance when at first you wanted to meet someone’s needs but then they said or did something which led to you not wanting to meet their needs? What was it about the person’s actions that made it hard for you to want to meet their needs? Have you ever gone from not wanting to meet a person’s needs to wanting to meet their needs. What led to your change of heart?

Has there ever been a situation where you wanted to meet someone’s needs but had a need of your own that kept you from saying yes to their request?

Think of a time when someone said no to your request. What needs may have kept them from saying yes?

Preview 06:35

What are the qualities and operating beliefs of an alternative communication style that is more conducive to people hearing each other?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

In any of the various relationships in your life (family, friends, professional, etc.), are you in need of more respect? What could change that would meet your need for respect? Do you get the sense that the people with whom you are in relationship would also like more respect? What do you think would give them the respect they are needing?

Is your willingness to help someone influenced by how much they meet your need for respect?

Considering the need for respect is so universal, and that an unmet need for respect often reduces a person’s willingness to contribute, why don’t human beings give each other more respect?

1-3 A Win-Win Worldview
03:20

What are the four steps involved in expressing unmet needs in a way that someone is likely to be receptive to, using the NVC model?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Can you think of an example of something someone has said to you to which you responded with defensiveness? What could they have said differently that would be easier for you to validate?

Can you think of an example of something you’ve said to someone to which the person responded with defensiveness? Do you have any ideas of what you could have said differently that would have increased the likelihood of that person empathizing with you?

1-4 The Four Steps of NVC
03:50

What does NVC sound like in action? How does it compare to the Win-Lose communication model?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

The video described four different types of responses a person might have to a request that doesn’t meet their needs:

1. Saying yes without acknowledging one’s own needs

2. Saying yes with words but saying no with one’s body language and tone of voice

3. Labeling the other person negatively in the hope they will be ashamed and retract their request

4. Communicating that the other person’s needs and one’s own needs are of equal importance, telling the other person the unmet needs which keep one from saying yes, and looking for solutions that meet everyone’s needs

For each of these, can you recall a time when you used this type of response? What was the outcome?

For each of these, can you think of a time when someone responded this way to a request you made? What was the outcome?

1-5 Example of NVC
06:39

Recap of the topics discussed in Section One.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a person with whom you’d like a better relationship. What would it look like to have a better relationship with this person?

What needs of yours are not being met in this relationship?

What do you want this person to understand about you?

Can you guess what unmet needs the other person might have?

What do you think that person would like more understanding about?

1-6 Section One Recap
01:43
+ NVC Step One: Observing Without Evaluating
6 lectures 30:54

Introduction to the first step of NVC: Observing Without Evaluating.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Take a look at a written communication you’ve either personally received (e.g. email, text, letter) or read somewhere else (e.g. news or magazine article, online forum) which is written in a style that stimulates your anger or defensiveness. Make a list of the specific words and phrases used in the writing that elicit an angry or defensive response from you. Do you see any commonalities among the words and phrases on the list? Keep the list handy as you go through this module; It will become clear why these words and phrases inspire defensiveness.

2-1 No One is the Villain of Their Own Story
03:10

What is the difference between an observation and an evaluation? What difference do they each make as a starting place for a conversation?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a time someone called you a name or labeled you negatively. What was the event (or events) that they were reacting to? Try to describe that event using only the facts that both of you would agree on. (Example: If someone has called me “careless” we can disagree on the definition of careless and whether what I’ve done fits that definition. What we could agree on, though, is that I left the front door unlocked when I left the house. There’s no evaluation in the observation that I left the door unlocked; those are the facts of the situation — a video camera could record me doing it.) After you’ve described the event the other person was reacting to, try to guess what their feelings and unmet needs might have been in that situation.

2-2 Observations Vs. Evaluations
06:19

Frequently asked questions about observing without evaluating.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Why do people give each other negative labels? What is the outcome they are hoping for when they label each other? How likely is it that labeling someone will lead to this outcome? Is labeling likely to lead to any other outcomes? Can you think of a more effective way to achieve the outcome people are aiming for when they label someone?

Do you like it when someone gives you a positive label?

What are the advantages of describing an event using the facts agreed upon by both parties rather than using evaluations, labels, judgments and diagnoses?

2-3 Step One FAQ
04:50

(Complete the exercise before watching this video.)

Discussion of Evaluations Vs. Observations Exercise.

2-4 Examples of Evaluations Vs. Observations
06:55

(This video contains audio only. Complete the worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Observations Vs. Evaluations Worksheet answers.

2-5 Observations Vs. Evaluations Worksheet
05:55

Recap of the topics covered in Module Two.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a person with whom you’d like a better relationship. Have they used evaluations when communicating with you that you’ve wanted to defend your self-esteem against?

Often someone will label a person negatively in the hope that the person will feel ashamed and change their behavior (which usually doesn’t achieve the intended outcome). It’s helpful to be aware, though, that it’s also common for the listener to interpret the other’s communications as negative evaluations, even when the speaker didn’t intend to give one. In this relationship that you’d like to improve, has the other person interpreted anything you’ve said as a negative evaluation when that wasn’t the message you were trying to convey?

At other times, have you given the other person labels and evaluations in the hope this would lead to them changing their behavior?

Using only observations, and avoiding evaluations, can you describe what the other person did that resulted in unmet needs on your end? (E.g. Instead of writing “Chris always has to be in control” you might write “Chris called the client and negotiated a new contract without discussing it with me first”. Or instead of writing “Robin let the client walk all over us” you might write “When the client proposed a contract that was 25% lower than our standard fee, Robin said, ‘Sounds great!’”)

If the other person read this description, would they concur?

2-6 Section Two Recap
03:45
+ NVC Step Two: Feelings
6 lectures 50:01

What is the adaptive purpose of feelings? What meaning do feelings hold for our lives and our communications with others?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Are there any emotions you feel which you have trouble validating or making sense of? Can you think of any reasons why it might be helpful to have these emotions?

Make a list of the emotions a person might feel when their needs aren’t being met. What are the emotions a person might feel when another person’s actions have left their most important needs unmet (e.g. respect, freedom, safety, love)?

3-1 The Meaning of Feelings
05:26

How can I communicate my feelings in a way that another person will be able to relate to?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Has there ever been a situation where you were able to relate to someone’s feelings even though you disagreed with their behavior or opinions? What was necessary for you to be able to empathize with them even though you had a problem with their thoughts or actions?

Has there ever been a situation where it was hard for you to empathize with someone’s feelings even though your ethics and worldview were seemingly aligned with this person’s? What was preventing you from being able to empathize with their feelings?

3-2 What is Helpful to Say (and Hear)
06:55

How does our ingrained language trip us up at the feelings step of NVC?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Are there feelings you have which you’d like more empathy for than you’re currently receiving?

What would need to happen for your need for empathy to be met?

How might you ask for this empathy in a way that increases the chances the other person(s) will be able to give it?

3-3 More Problems With Language
07:46

(This video contains audio only. Complete the worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Emotional Literacy exercise.

3-4 Exercise: Emotional Literacy
16:10

(Complete this lesson's worksheet before watching this video.)

Discussion of the Feelings Worksheet.

3-5 Worksheet: Feelings
09:37

Recap of the ideas discussed in Section Three.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a person with whom you’d like a better relationship. Have you tried to express your feelings to them and been met with argumentation? Have you argued with them when they’ve tried to express their feelings to you?

Write down as accurately as you remember what each of you said to each other during these arguments (or look at the actual written correspondence if you have it, such as from email or text). Name the emotions each person is trying to express. Are those feelings being heard and acknowledged by each side? Or is one or more person hearing an attack on themselves instead of the feelings of the other person?

How might each person’s communications be reworded in a way that makes it easier for the listener to relate?

3-6 Section Three Recap
04:07
+ NVC Step Three: Needs
6 lectures 30:51

How does our tragic language cause problems with regard to people's needs?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

What are some needs that you think every human being has?

What are some of the things that make it hard for a person to get each of these needs met?

How could things change in such a way that it becomes easier for every person to get these needs met?

4-1 Starting to Think About Needs
06:28

What prevents us from wanting to give each other gifts? What is the difference between communicating at the level of needs vs. the level of positions?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

If someone wants you to do something that will contribute to their life (even in a small way), what could they do or say that would have the highest chance of you wanting (and deciding) to do what they want?

What could they do or say that has the least chance of you wanting or deciding to do what they want?

How often do people act in the ways you’ve described in the answers to each of the previous two questions?

4-2 Needs Vs. Positions
05:27

What can I do to up the chances someone will want to meet my needs?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

What did you learn about conflict growing up? What were the strategies you learned and what were the expected outcomes of those strategies? Did the strategies you were taught lead to the outcomes you were told they would?

Are there any possible outcomes that sound more more desirable to you than the outcome you were taught to aim for when navigating conflict? What are the most effective strategies you can think of to achieve that outcome?

4-3 How to Communicate Needs
06:08

(This video contains audio only. Complete the worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Needs Exercise 1.

4-4 Needs Exercise 1
06:00

(Complete this lesson's worksheet before watching this video.)

Discussion of the Needs Exercise 2.

4-5 Needs Exercise 2
04:51

Recap of the topics discussed in Section Four.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a time when you did something you’re not proud of. What was the universal human need you were trying to meet?

What could you have done instead that would meet your need and the needs of others involved?

4-6 Section Four Recap
01:57
+ NVC Step Four: Requests
4 lectures 36:10

How can we ask someone to meet our needs in a way that will make it easy for them to want to?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

What are some situations in life when it’s normal to make demands rather than requests? Why is it normal in these situations not to give the recipient of the demand an option to say no? Would there be any advantage to making requests instead of demands in these situations?

What needs of a person’s are not met when they are given a demand?

5-1 Requests Vs. Demands
05:35

What happens when we give someone the option to say no and they take that option?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a relationship you currently have with someone in which you have unmet needs. What do you want this person to do?

What do you want their reasons to be for doing it?

How can you make a request of them that would result in them doing what you want for the reasons you want?

5-2 When the Answer is "No"
02:41

(This video contains audio only. Complete the worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Requests Exercise.

5-3 Exercise: Requests
04:54

(Complete this lesson's worksheet before watching this video.)

Discussion of the Complete NVC Exercise.

5-4 Complete NVC Exercise
23:00
+ Listening in NVC
7 lectures 01:02:36

What does it look like to validate a person's needs without agreeing with their position?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Do you need someone to agree with your opinion or position in order to get the respect you need from them?

If a person has an opposing position to your own, what kinds of things might a person say to you that would validate your anger and meet your need for respect?

6-1 Listening to the Needs Behind Positions
03:24

How important is the need to be heard?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

When someone understands your needs and you know they would like to meet them, does that influence how willing you are to consider solutions that don’t fully meet all your needs?

Have you ever seen someone become less flexible after someone invalidated them?

Have you ever seen someone become more caring after they have been cared for?

6-2 Meeting the Need to be Heard
02:49

How important is the need for respect?

Journal/Discussion Questions:

If you were to rank your needs in order of importance, where would your need for respect rank on that list?

If a person’s need for respect ranks #1 on their list of needs and I try to force that person to choose to meet my needs through the use of punishment, reward, or extreme shaming, will I make the choice easier or harder for that person?

6-3 Meeting the Need for Respect
02:28

(This video contains audio only. Complete the worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Needs Behind Positions Exercise.

6-4 Exercise: The Needs Behind Positions
11:17

(This video contains audio only. Complete this lesson's worksheet before listening to this lesson.)

Discussion of the Reflecting and Inquiring Exercise.

6-5 Exercise: Reflecting and Inquiring
31:01

Recap of entire course.

Journal/Discussion Questions:

Think of a relationship you want to improve. Describe any events you are in conflict over using observations and not evaluations.

What are the feelings and needs on each side related to these events?

For practice, write what you would say to the other person(s) in order to communicate your unmet needs in a way that they will likely be able to relate to.

How might you ask the other person what their unmet needs are in such a way that they feel glad to be asked?

What might you say to this person so that they feel validated in their feelings and needs, without getting into whether their opinions are right or wrong or whether they are a good or bad person?

If you can get this relationship to the point where each person is able to say what the needs are of every other person involved, you have reached the point where you can start resolving conflicts and looking for solutions that meet the needs of everyone.

6-6 Course Recap
07:36

Concluding thoughts on this course.

6-7 Final Thoughts
04:01