Relationship Coaching Toolkit: Transform, Heal & Grow Love

In this lecture I share an amazingly simple, yet powerful technique that will help dissolve conflict because it increases clarity in communication. This tool can be used in ALL your relationships in life, which is why I wanted to share it with you first of all.

Conflict most often arises because of misunderstanding. Misunderstanding is brought about because we are not clear about what we say and how we interpret the other person's view and what they are expressing. We make huge assumptions both in words (language) and also in our personal perceptions.

This tool motivates you to reflect and recall what you think your partner (or a friend, family member or work colleague) has said to you during a discussion or conflict situation.

You aim to 'hit the bullseye' and reflect back with 100% accuracy...but you'll be amazed just how difficult that can be. This opens our minds to how we make assumptions and what we can do about it.

By using this dart board technique you will create a new habit, seeking clarification and understanding and asking your partner to gauge how accurately you have fed back and understood them. Then through this improved understanding, conflict can dissipate and dissolve and you can stop conflict before it starts!

Please also download the Dart Board Image below so you can refer to it during this lecture.

This is a 'Deep Dive' communication tool which you can use in your personal relationships to unravel conflict and get to the root cause of an ongoing, more fundamental problem between you. Again it can be used with any kind of relationship in your life, so an essential tool in your 'Relationship Toolkit'.

Essentially it sets the scene so you can both 'step' into each other's worlds and truly understand where the other person's hurt, challenges and perspectives come from. It enables active listening through a structured process with distinct rules. This is so that a secure and respectful environment is set up so trust and respect can grow from open sharing.

This technique can be used by a couple (provided one partner is willing to facilitate as well as contribute) and it can also be used as a tool within couples counselling sessions; where the qualified counsellor may be willing to take on the facilitator role.

By the end of the session, couples often see a new perspective about their partners' world and challenges. This fosters a growing connection and awareness of each other's traits, behaviours, values and principles.

It can be used within families to 'clear unfinished business' and get to the root cause of a historical issue and also with parent and child relationships, or even between siblings when the parent acts as facilitator.

Please download the image below to use as a reference during this lecture and also as a prompt sheet for the 'rules' when you are setting the scene for this process. Please make sure 1 person is assigned the task of facilitator.

Now that I have introduced you to two communication tools that help dissipate misunderstanding, it's time to understand a little bit more about why you may have a particular perspective or perceptions about a person or situation.

Definition of Perception: the way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted.

Perception = Context (the environment or atmosphere you are in) + Perspective (the viewpoint you are taking, the position from which you make your observations using your senses)

We all come into the world moulded by the way we have been brought up by parents and carers and the experiences we have. It's not just our parents who mould us, but the society and culture we grew up in and our peers, friends and other family members. We can group all these influences together into 'tribal influence' or our Context.

Just because our 'tribe' has particular beliefs, rules and expectations that we 'should' follow, it does not mean they are truths or that they necessarily 'fit comfortably' with our personal principles. Of course principles can be formed because of these tribal influences (this is often the case). But when we start forming as adults and seeing how our perspective affect others, we may start to question where they come from and if we truly agree with them. We have more freedom as adults to choose what we continue to believe in our lives going forward.

In this lecture, I discuss these root causes that create perspective and perceptions and I invite you to 'spring clean' your beliefs. You may find that you have some stereotypes that no longer serve you. I give examples of how unsupportive stereotypes an affect relationships and marriage and encourage you to examine the stereotype beliefs you may be holding on to.

Having free will as a conscious adult human being is a wonderful thing - as long as we use it for the greatest and highest good for ourselves and all of our loved ones around us.

In this course I will be referring to the expression 'love tank', which is not my own phrase, yet is similar to my own principle of 'emotional bank accounts'.

I describe how we use our vital energy each day and either put in credits into our emotional bank account or we take out debits. Our lives and health rely on this balance in our emotional bank account, so it's imperative that you understand how you potentially haemorrhage energy every day. This directly relates to the interactions you have with your loved ones and is in fact more poignant, because those relationships are more intimate and you have stronger connections with those people compared to others you purely associate with. Therefore, if you have a challenging interaction with a loved one, it will have a greater debit on your emotional bank account.

By understanding this dynamic flow of energy you can start to manage it better. I will be sharing some very powerful tools later on in the course to show you how to put in lots of credits into BOTH of your emotional bank accounts or 'love tanks'.

If you would like to understand this idea at a more holistic healing level, please access the bonus lecture 'ENERGY MANAGEMENT' at the end of this course. This is taken from my Quantum Crystal Healing course - 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' (so please ignore references to sections within that separate course structure).

In this lecture I discuss how important it is to recognise the power of words within all our life relationships.

I describe the water experiments Dr. Masaru Emoto performed which gave rise to some scientific evidence about how words can 'harm' us.

I also share a simple yet powerful tool for qualifying the things we say, the '3 gates of communication'.

The aim of this lecture is to raise your awareness about how YOU use words in your daily interactions and how you can become more mindful of the affect they have on your loved ones.

In this lecture Neil and I discuss the importance of creating the 'brand' of your relationship. This is the 'face' and 'tone' that you both project in your roles as a 'couple', 'collaboration' or 'partnership' and how that entity then interacts with the world.

Remember, your relationship is a third entity which exists in its own right between you. When we form a relationship with another we can choose to create this entity and feed it (nourish it) so it flourishes and thrives.

When you watch other couples (even siblings, or business partners for example) you can see and feel the dynamic between them. This is what we want you to become aware of...the dynamic that you are creating between you and your significant other.

This lecture will encourage you to think about what you are both projecting to the outer world and other people, how they may perceive your relationship and also how you choose to feed it.

In this lecture Neil and I discuss how you can get an objective opinion from others about your relationship 'brand'.

You can ask others to give you feedback, either during open conversations or you could plan this in a structured way by compiling a list of questions and asking others to answer anonymously. This way you can get some very 'real' information about how your relationship (the entity between you) truly comes across to others!

Very often we can get clouded by our own perspective and locked into a certain view that is no longer relevant. It's good to look at things with 'fresh eyes' and other peoples observations can help us do this. Do remember though, that feedback from people is also based on their own perspective so not necessarily truth. If you are clever about how you phrase the feedback questions, you can limit ambiguity and ask for evidence or examples when people give specific feedback.

It's useful to see your relationship with your significant other because then you can also adapt it to certain situations. This is not about putting on a facade (as it's important to be congruent and authentic in what you both are as a 'couple' or 'partnership'). But equally it can help you be respectful of others and how you may influence and hopefully inspire others wanting to build their own loving relationships.

This is a good opportunity to have a 'spring clean' of not just yourself as an individual but the entity you have created between you. When you digest the feedback you have been given from others, you can then adjust and tweak the things that you both agree work and the things you can let go of in your relationship.

It's also a lovely opportunity to feel gratitude for the relationship you have created and what your significant other brings to the relationship.

Use gratitude as much as you can to fuel and nourish this third entity, YOUR relationship.

Please use the list of questions in the resource section as suggestions for creating your own feedback questionnaire that you can send out to friends and family.

I am so excited to offer you the knowledge of personality type based on the famous psychologist Carl Jung. I am a professionally trained MBTI consultant so in this lecture I give you a brief, but very interesting overview of how your personality preferences influence your interactions and communication with others. Neil has had his MBTI report completed with me, so he is well versed in his preference and how it affects the dynamic in our own relationship. So this means we can give you some real life examples of how powerful this self development tool is.

I have included some very valuable knowledge on the 4 pairs of personality preference in the resource section, so for those of you who enjoy the theory of things, this allows you to delve a little deeper and get further clarity on the 'four dichotomies' of MBTI.

I also include a page at the end of this downloadable document giving you my contact details in case you wish to have your MBTI preferences professionally assessed online including 1:1 distance feedback with me - it's an incredible tool for self awareness in your life. With this knowledge you can literally transform the way you interact with your partner, children, work colleagues and friends!

In this lecture I introduce Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages - a wonderful book which provides a structure for identifying your primary love language and that of your significant other. I will be summarising the five love languages and his approach, in the hope it whet's your appetite to purchase his book which is easily available online.

This life changing approach to relationships is I believe, one of the most significant catalysts you can incorporate into your relationship to heal and nourish the love between you going forward.

Please make sure you complete the assignment coming up next - it is an essential part of your understanding how you like to receive love in life and what is the easiest way you give out love to others. There are no right or wrong answers it is purely exploratory. It will not only help you identify your primary love language, but also help you to 'spring clean' your love life from the past and start a fresh intention for your desired relationship going forward. If you don't do this assignment what will it be signalling to the universe? If you do take the time to do it...the universe will listen!

In this lecture I discuss the difference between the 'honeymoon' phase we often try to hold on to in relationships and how we can evolve this type of love into 'real love'.

This awareness is key to ever lasting relationships. We need to learn how to CHOOSE to 'act in a loving way' instead of desiring to 'feel in love'.

In this lecture I explain the first love language 'Words of Affirmation' giving examples from real life experience, analogy and storytelling so you can really and truly grasp its meaning.

Please also refer to the 'Tip Sheet' in the resource section for practical and fun exercises you can do within your relationship with you significant other. These exercises can equally apply to your mate, family member, friend or work colleague when adapted appropriately.

In this lecture I explain the second love language 'Quality Time' giving examples from real life experience, analogy and storytelling so you can really and truly grasp its meaning.

Please also refer to the 'Tip Sheet' in the resource section for practical and fun exercises you can do within your relationship with you significant other. These exercises can equally apply to your mate, family member, friend or work colleague when adapted appropriately.

In this lecture I explain the third love language 'Receiving Gifts' giving examples from real life experience, analogy and storytelling so you can really and truly grasp its meaning.

Please also refer to the 'Tip Sheet' in the resource section for practical and fun exercises you can do within your relationship with you significant other. These exercises can equally apply to your mate, family member, friend or work colleague when adapted appropriately.

In this lecture I explain the fourth love language 'Acts of Service' giving examples from real life experience, analogy and storytelling so you can really and truly grasp its meaning.

Please also refer to the 'Tip Sheet' in the resource section for practical and fun exercises you can do within your relationship with you significant other. These exercises can equally apply to your mate, family member, friend or work colleague when adapted appropriately.

In this lecture I explain the fifth love language 'Physical Touch' giving examples from real life experience, analogy and storytelling so you can really and truly grasp its meaning.

Please also refer to the 'Tip Sheet' in the resource section for practical and fun exercises you can do within your relationship with you significant other. These exercises can equally apply to your mate, family member, friend or work colleague when adapted appropriately.

As with most things in life, our understanding really and truly embeds when we see others perform, use and go through the material we have been learning about.

In the next section of this course Neil and I will be demonstrating everything you have been learning about so far. You will see first hand, how two people discuss, explore and prioritise their own love languages and then how they integrate them as a couple in their life.

This lecture is a short link to the next section of the course.

Neil and I discuss what realisations we had when we first read Gary Chapman's book 'The 5 Love Languages'. Neil discusses his reactions to the book and how his love languages have developed over the years (during his first marriage and current marriage to Sonya).

They discuss whether love languages are innate in us all, or whether they change over time and how this impacts a relationship.

Neil summarises his own interpretation of the 5 love languages - this can help you get a different perspective on the meanings in comparison to Sonya's descriptions in the previous lectures (because based on MBTI type, Neil will interpret them in a different way and this may resonate better for some of you) ;-)

In this lecture, I explore the root of Neil's preferred love languages and delve a little deeper into understanding why he may have certain preferences and how those really serve him in relationships.

This is an important aspect for all of us, as sometimes stereotypes and learnt behaviour can affect our judgement on what is truly more preferred by us.

This lecture will give you a more dynamic understanding about the importance of knowing your own love language and being able to identify it accurately.

In this lecture you will benefit from the coaching discussion Neil takes me through as I reveal my perspective on the 5 Love Languages. In particular I share my feelings of guilt about being served (acts of service) within a marriage, because of my stereotypical perception of what a woman 'should' do within a marriage.

This demonstrates how our perceptions can influence our love languages and it's important to recognise this in terms of our personal vital energy in life.

So do we expend our vital energy because we continue to satisfy these stereotypes or do we choose to delve deeper with self enquiry and surrender them, allowing our 'true' innate love language into the forefront of our relationships?

In this lecture Neil takes me through a prioritisation process so I can determine the 'hierarchy' of my 5 Love Languages. This is a useful video as you can use the same technique to determine your own primary and secondary love languages and then compare them with your partner's when they do the same.

You will get to see first hand some of the pit falls when we try to prioritise! You will watch me put into sequence the love languages that I would like to receive and Neil sequences which ones he prefers to give out to me.

Then you can see the dynamic between both and how the relationship between us is 'fed', or not 'fed' depending on the results!

In this lecture I take Neil through the same prioritisation process so he can determine the 'hierarchy' of his 5 Love Languages in terms of what he likes to receive. Neil demonstrates this is a concise manner showing how it's important not to over analyse and trust your intuitive feelings when you are deciding between pairs of love languages.

Then in the second half, I sequence my love languages for giving out love to Neil; which helps to describe the dynamic in our relationship and my own vital energy flow.

This lecture concludes the 5 Love Language demonstrations which has hopefully given you real life examples of how to understand them at a deep level; how to prioritise them both in terms of you giving out and receiving love (so 4 variations in total for a couple); what your primary and secondary love language is (and the whole sequence in priority order) and how you can come to an agreeable way forward in order to fill each other's 'love tanks' :-)

In this video I share a personal example where I used the 5 Love Languages as a tool to uncover the differences between myself and my teenage Son. As you can imagine (for those of you who are parents), this type of relationship can mean parental love tanks get low! Teenagers have a tendency to accept love, support, help etc but not give much in return because their focus is elsewhere. Having said that, there is still room for improvement and the process (used in stealth) worked with my Son. So I hope this example will help you to see how useful this tool is with ALL your interpersonal relationships going forward in your life.

In this lecture I explain how to plot the current reality of your relationship, together with a 5 year stretch goal as your desired outcome. This then enables a healthy tension to rise, motivating you to work out 'How' you will achieve your desired outcome using the law of attraction (based on the 'Secret').

The following 7 lectures then take you into a 'deep dive' exploration of my own '7 golden nuggets' which are essential elements in teaching you how to use this theory EFFECTIVELY and manifest the relationship you desire with your loved one or significant other.

Please use the pro-forma guide in the resources section to design and plot your own current reality and desired outcome for your relationship.

In this lecture, you will come to understand the importance of being truly self-aware. I will teach you about the concept of 'energy broadcasting' and how this process influences your interior and exterior world. This is the first step to enable you to effectively use the law of attraction.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

During this lecture you will understand how your mind tries to control your world. I will enlighten you by explaining that you have choice about where you place your focus and attention. This allows you to change your energetic broadcasting frequency, so giving you back control over your mind.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

This lecture delves even further into the aspect of mind control. I will explain how we all conjure movies in our mind and how these can influence our mood and behaviour. This realisation gives you the opportunity to change what you imagine and therefore manifest.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

Now that you have understood how your energy and mind influence what you potentially desire, I give you tools and techniques to design the life and relationship you seek. These tools are essential steps in the manifesting process.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

In this lecture, I explain how important it is for you to use the power of visualisation to rewire your brain to start creating a new outcome. I also encourage you to use emotion to amplify the things you desire and want to manifest. Only then will the universe really listen.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

By this stage you will be well on your way to manifesting what you want in your life and the relationship you desire, but one key element remains. I explain the duality of attachment and surrender. You will understand that as humans we find it hard to resist the 'how', yet the universe requires us to trust and give it free rein for manifestation.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

In this lecture, I share with you the final stage (icing on the cake) for using the law of attraction for manifestation. I explain how opening the door to the Quantum Field of Possibilities will enrich your intuitive guidance system. Your intuition is essentially the conduit, or messenger, between you and the quantum field. I explain how miraculous healing can work if we are willing to 'take out the slides' from the 'projector in our mind'.

(Please note this video is taken from my other course on Udemy 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' so some direct references will not apply to this relationships course. However, the bulk of the video is ESSENTIAL learning if you truly want to manifest in your life going forward).

In this short lecture I link back to the way we can visualise using the law of attraction - montage boards. I explain how you can use them in your daily life to 'feed' your desired outcome and communicate with the Quantum Field of Possibilities.

In this meditation video I take you through a guided meditation to prepare you for writing your 'relationship love letter'. Please allow 20 minutes for the meditation and some time afterwards to write everything you love about your relationship. Even if you don't currently have a relationship, or even if it is currently 'damaged', it is vital that you project forward and write this letter as if you have ALREADY attained the relationship you desire. Use your Desired Outcome text and montage board from the previous lectures to help you. Be expressive, bold and honest about what you desire.

The universe will respond and mirror back to you what you desire and have written in this letter, so be sure to write what you want and think clearly about why you want the things you want! It's a bit like a Gene in a bottle!

Make sure you write this letter in the PRESENT TENSE, as if you already have the relationship of your dreams...

In this final lecture in the series of 'Conscious Intention Setting' I explain how you can engage the 'Quantum Field of Possibilities' further by projecting out the emotion and essence of your 'Relationship Love Letter' (please make sure you have written it using the meditation in the previous lecture and followed the instructions in the description).

I also share my own personal experience when this exact process worked for me 18 months after my divorce - such a revelation and wonderful surprise!

This video summarises all the tools and techniques you have learnt so far and puts them into the context of any type of relationship. You can use all the techniques to heal and grow love between family members, parent and child, colleagues, friends and intimate partnerships. Energy isn't just about words, it's visual as well...so that's why the montage and letter writing is so powerful. I invite you to open your hearts, be playful and creative - you have nothing to loose by doing these techniques and manifesting the relationship of your dreams. But you have everything to loose if you don't try! I wish you the very best of luck and ask the universe to support you and be with you on your journey to heal and grow love in all your relationships going forward! With Love, Sonya ??

Thank you for completing this course...I have so enjoyed sharing this valuable knowledge with you. I do so hope it has helped you to get 'back on track' with your current relationships, to heal them, grow them, transform them and attract your desired outcome!

Please do share this course with your friends, family and colleagues as I so want others to benefit.

I would also greatly appreciate your feedback and a written review if you enjoyed it and found it beneficial, this really helps to build confidence in prospective students :-)

I also contribute to another relationship course called 'Loving Conscious Relationships & Couples Counselling' so please do check that out on Udemy as well!

I hope you enjoy the bonus lecture below and of course do check out my Quantum Crystal Healing courses if you are curious and your heart wants to be playful!

In this lecture taken from my Quantum Crystal Healing collection entitled 'Ignite Your Healing Potential', I teach you about your 'energy bank account' and where you leak energy and where you can gain it.

I explain the significance of your vital energy, in the context of your past and the tethers that you may still have that no longer serve you. I explain the difference between empathy and being an empath and invite you to assess where you believe you sit on this scale. This has a significant impact on the way you live your energetic life and whether your body system has enough energy to maintain health.

Please note, this lecture will have references to the course from which it is taken, so please ignore those references. If however, you are curious, do look up 'Ignite Your Healing Potential' and enrol if you wish to learn about how to heal with energy and start using crystals as a tool for energy management in your life. They can also help heal your relationships!