Relationship Awareness Training or Learning Practical Dating
5.0 (3 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
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Relationship Awareness Training or Learning Practical Dating

Learning Warning Sign Awareness to Reduce the Time, Energy, and Money to find True Friends, Relationships, and Love
5.0 (3 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
27 students enrolled
Created by John Mailen
Last updated 11/2018
English [Auto-generated]
Current price: $34.99 Original price: $49.99 Discount: 30% off
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This course includes
  • 7.5 hours on-demand video
  • 12 articles
  • 114 downloadable resources
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
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What you'll learn
  • An increased ability to discern toxic relationships of all types.
  • An ability to keep track of red flags though your discernment might be clouded by emotion.
  • 107 Video Lessons (over 7 ½ hours) based on real-world experiences, observations, and conclusions
  • 11 Lessons with News Article lists based on 11 Overall Behavioral Areas. There are news stories that show the initial report and follow-up reports to help you get as complete a picture as possible.
  • 1 Lesson organizing Open Source Intelligence resources to assist in your research of an individual
  • Learn 12 Steps of Discernment
  • Learn 30 Points that can indicate red flags to keep aware
  • Disclosure Period – They will reveal info about themselves to you.
  • Active Listening and Learning to Keep a Tally of What You Hear and Observe
  • Learn 17 Tenets to Follow to Help You Assess Toxic Relationships
  • Learn to assess from at least 126 real world examples based on observable behaviors from real-life examples and 168 news articles and videos.
  • 114 Downloadable Resources from the Lessons
  • Note: The Steps of Discernment, 30 Points to Keep Aware of, Methods that Toxic People (aka Crazy Trains) use, Active Listening, Disclosure, 17 Tenets, Lesson Maxims, and Conclusions all relate to real-life examples from personal experiences or from interviews.
  • You need to have an open mind, willingness to a learn from other people's experiences, learn from your own past decisions, learn the flags, discern the behaviors, and keep the tally.

Purpose: This course is taught using actual examples and offers practical advice regarding potential toxic relationships. The instructor draws from his own experiences as well as others, who have contributed their situations. Anyone can benefit from learning warning signs that indicate negative personalities who may derail your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Through awareness, you can avoid the Mr./Mrs. Jekyls’ of the world. Those who seem nice but have that hidden true personality. You don’t have to settle, and you can find the right one.

As an awareness manual to help others recognize they are jumping onto Crazy Train (CT) or to avoid Crazy Train; else if on CT they can extricate themselves, if they choose. CTs are also seen as the embodiment of toxic personalities or "rabid monkeys at the wheel of your life."

I am not a counselor but I’ve been in the trenches with the CTs out there. I have attempted to communicate awareness of patterns from experiences from other people and myself as we dealt with CTs. You can use this information for your benefit where you can apply it in evaluating friends, co-workers, relatives, or potential relationships. My goal is to offer lay people awareness guideposts to assist them. I would like to welcome you to the Relational Awareness Training (RAT) course. For the price of a date, you can learn information that will save you potentially thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours, and keeps you positive.

Though I originally designed the course to assist with dating and long-term relationships, the scope has expanded. The course materials can be applied to understanding toxic friendships, family members, co-workers, and any other relationships and interactions. You can apply these principles and methods in your life to prevent stumbling blocks from holding you back. You deserve better. You can succeed and be happy in your life, goals, and dreams.


Who this course is for:
  • Anyone tired of wasting time with toxic relationships whether work, intimate, or friendships.
  • Anyone who is wondering if they might be entering or be trapped in a toxic relationship (personal or professional).
  • Anyone who knows someone who is too involved in a toxic relationship to acknowledge the truth.
Course content
Expand all 119 lectures 07:52:03
+ Introduction
5 lectures 26:11

Purpose: This course is taught using actual examples and offers practical advice regarding potential toxic relationships. The instructor draws from his own experiences as well as others, who have contributed their situations. Anyone can benefit from learning warning signs that indicate negative personalities who may derail your goals, dreams, and aspirations. Through awareness, you can avoid the Mr/Mrs Jekyls’ of the world. Those who seem nice but have that hidden true personality. You don’t have to settle, and you can find the right one.

As an awareness manual to help others recognize they are jumping onto Crazy Train (CT) or to avoid Crazy Train; else if on CT they can extricate themselves, if they choose. CTs are also seen as the embodiment of toxic personalities or "rabid monkeys at the wheel of your life."

I am not a counselor but I’ve been in the trenches with the CTs out there. I have attempted to communicate awareness of patterns from experiences from other people and myself as we dealt with CTs. You can use this information for your benefit where you can apply it in evaluating friends, co-workers, relatives, or potential relationships. My goal is to offer lay people awareness guideposts to assist them. I would like to welcome you to the Relational Awareness Training (RAT) course. For the price of a date, you can learn information that will save you potentially thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours, and keeps you positive.

Preview 02:21

Introduction: Who Am I?

I’m a security professional who has training with insider threats, along with college degrees in psychology, anthropology and network security. I have designed and taught courses in security awareness focusing on “red flags.” More importantly, I have a belief that communicating from my personal experiences is a ministry to assist other people. I have ridden on more Crazy Trains than I would like to admit, but I mention them here in the hopes to help others learn through my experiences without learning first hand. My hope is that you can avoid loss of time, money, and keep a positive mental attitude while finding your special someone.

I have divided the video course into different topics (Patterns of Behavior) with the take-away lessons at the end of each story. I have broken these stories into bit-size pieces to allow you to get to the meat of the lesson.

NOTE: Please take a few moments to reflect on the questions posed within this document. Do any of them apply to you or anyone that you care about?

Preview 06:59

Initial: What is “Crazy Train” or CT? CT is not to be derisive just a general description of broad behavior type or referencing an individual who exhibits the behaviors and patterns discussed below. This is an awareness document for regular people, who seem to keep finding the wrong types of friends, relationships, have weird family members, etc. CT is meant to be unisex term. Though most of the examples here are female that does not in any way remove a male from being a CT.

My hope is that the examples and information here will help someone in evaluating their own situation. Keep in mind that I do have a sense of humor and who would not after going through these unusual situations. These are guidelines from my own experiences and lessons learned from Life. I hope that these stories which have happened to either me or my close friends will be of assistance to you. I have changed the names in the examples to protect the identities of the innocent and guilty individuals referenced. From one, who is no longer riding the Crazy Train, I can state that the lessons helped me find my soulmate and we are happily married for more than 12 years.         

Crazy Train grabs onto sanity as an addict looking to fix themselves. You could be related to a CT, have friends or co-workers who are CTs, fall in love with a CT, or marry a CT. CT is a wild ride - interesting / crazy. If you have found that new, special someone and have never met someone quite like them, then you may be about to board the CT express. Else maybe you have met them in your past, such as a relative. Here’s a potential pitfall if you have had relatives like a CT, as you will be more accepting of them right off the bat. One could term these as a Lesson Learned, Questions to Ponder, Lesson Maxim, or Tenet, which will be identified after examples or sections. In addition, there are downloadable resources that summarize steps, points, lessons learned, questions to ponder, tenets, and conclusions, throughout the course.

Example: Diana liked to investigate wild cave trips. Lesson Learned: Do they encourage you to put yourself in dangerous situations? Have they taken any precautions for the adventure? Do you feel safe?

Preview 05:20

AWARNESS begins with an Open Mind

If there is a CT theme song out there, Shania Twain’s “I’m Gonna Getcha Good!”, is appropriate. When taken at face value, the song is quite nice. However, once you’ve gone through the awareness training here, you will be able to see a different meaning.

Awareness will gradually occur when dealing over an extended period with a CT. Encounters with a CT are incremental - like a smart politician; baby steps are coming to get you. They succeed at this by being very aware of emotions of other people, especially their target.

Do not make the mistake of assuming CTs are stupid or dumb. CTs can also be very non-obvious in their outward behavior. In many cases, they are very intelligent as they have a cover identity which would make any intelligence officer proud. They keep their cover story up to all those around them; except when they let it slip slightly when they are interested in obtaining a relationship. These CTs are functioning members out in the real world as they are aware of themselves. Other CTs can be easier to spot due to not guarding their true personality.

Experienced CTs will have learned to adapt and be on their best “normal” behavior around others. As they get to know someone, their guard slips a little as they become more comfortable. They will allow their more “true” self to enter the picture bit by bit.

What swings are normal in behavior? Are these reasonable circumstances or are you having to make excuses? If you are having to make excuses then you have already stepped over the Red Line or Non-Negotiable Event.

CTs will look for a caring person, someone who can show sympathy to their tales of woe. The Princess or Prince seeking assistance from their rescuer. As they approach with their compliments, attention, and mirroring of their target, they will seem genuine. Judge them not by their words but by their actions. You have to do this as not everyone you meet is a CT, I would like to think that they make-up a small percentage of the population. However, if you are a naturally caring person, you will have a bullseye that draws them to you. By keeping aware, you can discern their true intentions.

Preview 10:30

Once you are the target of CT, remember the CT will attempt to get you emotionally involved with their life. The CT will try to convince you that you are responsible for the CT through their “caring” for you. Not really “caring” for you as a two-way street, this is simply a one-way transaction from a psychic vampire. The CT is too busy surviving to really care for another person, and you are the lucky ticket holder.

Note: The definition of a psychic vampire is a selfish, Narcissistic individual who seeks to drain a normal individual mentally to assist with their own stability. They have a extremely difficult time under stress and prefer to have someone, who adds that stability that they so desperately require.

Who are CTs? Possible Narcissistic Emotional Vampires...
+ 12 Steps of Discenment & Being True to Yourself
2 lectures 11:58

12 Steps of Learning Discernment (Steps 1 through first part of 8)


If you can follow these 12 Steps then you can learn discernment regarding CTs.


Steps of Learning Discernment Regarding a CT

1. Be true to yourself.


2. Take care of yourself so that you can take care of others.


3. Check things out and verify them. You might be falling prey to believe what’s been told to you from an early age and not question if it is incorrect.


4. If you have doubts about an idea or situation, take your time to act on it.


5. You need to practice self-interest, not just let others lead you.


6. The message is about the sender. Does the CT always complain about a particular person doing a particular action or behavior? Do you notice that the person referred to does not do the behavior or action? If so, consider the source of the complaint as this may be behavior and action the CT has done in the past.


7. A single warning flag is a potential concern, not a proof. You need to remember to keep a tally of the warning flags.

8. One needs to check things out based upon your own experience and trusted evaluations of friends and relatives.

12 Steps of Discernment & Being True to Yourself Part 1

12 Steps of Learning Discernment (continuing Step 8 through 12)

If you can follow these 12 Steps then you can learn discernment regarding CTs.


8. One needs to check things out based upon your own experience and trusted evaluations of friends and relatives.


9. The key is to generate a healthy awareness.


10. Approach everything from the perspective of for the highest good of all concerned.


11. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.


12. You have permission to leave a CT, as it is not your responsibility to save the CT.

Note: I wrote the information down in earlier notes regarding other stories from interviews prior to hearing about the case of the accused stalker mentioned in the news story.

12 Steps of Discernment & Being True to Yourself Part 2
+ Indicators to Keep Aware Of
4 lectures 48:20

Zones of Awareness interact with Learning Discernment

Crazy Train (CT) will use whatever means to keep you on Crazy Train. They are clingy. They are to quote the BBC comedy Coupling “Unflushable.” You need to be comfortable with your internal judgement based upon your experience. Do not second guess yourself. If you approach the interaction with awareness, then you will find yourself not making excuses for the other person’s behavior. Remember you are not the only one who has been on a date or in a relationship with a toxic person. You can make the decision if you are going to stay. Is your time, energy, resources, more valuable to them or you? Can you count on them? You need to be honest with yourself. Are they being honest with you about who they really are? Do their actions match their words? You need to trust but verify.

In the following sections: Beginning and Middle Zones, you will find thirty indicators with some general methods of spotting them. In the section related to Actual Experiences, real life examples will be provided regarding the indicators mentioned in the Beginning and Middle Zones.


Beginning Zone: Use Your Past Experience and Be True to Your Self, if either is present

1. Trust your Gut - “FLEE”; this step you can do after the initial meeting. Granted you may want to discount that nagging feeling as “how can you be sure to run?” “What proof do you have?” Experience learned through the process can help when dealing with CT.

  • For instance, on my first date with Diana, the little voice was screaming “RUN!!!” Sometimes you need to go through a situation to be certain. Avoidable if you listen to your experience but a clever CT will seem only mildly odd or eccentric. You will find yourself making excuses and trying to balance the outward “normal” behavior with the slight reveals. Subtle signs need to be kept track of. Collect them into an entire profile of the person, then the warning signs will reveal whether or not you need to move on.

Preview 09:52

Middle Zone: Recognize & Look at Signs [Note: Step 1 “FLEE” can still occur in the Middle Stage.]

2. Look for indicators -
         Do they dress in a manner that embarrasses you?
         Do they dress appropriately for the social situation?
         Are they overly provocative in actions, behavior, and/or dress in an attempt to entice you physically?
         Why are they trying to move fast to get physically involved in a relationship?
         Would off-duty police assume that they are for hire?
         Would someone on the street ask them “How much do they charge?”
         Do they have bad habits related to mood swings when they eat or drink?
         Do they overreact to what other people say or think that they have said?
         Do they have an inability to follow social norms?
         Do they engage in very risky behavior without taking any considerations of risk?
         Do they exhibit contrary behavior to their words and/or beliefs?

3. Keep a tally of warning signs - you won’t see them all at the same time and generally the warning signs will appear gradually over a period of weeks, months, or years.

4. Check out their family. Crazy Train may run in the family. Mom, Dad, Uncle, Aunts, Grandparents, Siblings. Note: The whole group may be more similar than non-CTs. Diana’s family shared many similar thought processes. If the CT is a relative, possibly a sibling, then you will be more inclined to “take” a lot of warning signs as their standard Modis Operandi (MO). However, would you “take” the same amount of warning signs from anyone else? If not, then you may want to keep a tally of the flags.

5. Judge by the CT’s Actions, not the CT’s Words.

6. CT will ALWAYS have a good excuse.

7. Has a friend or relative warned you concerning issues about CT? Keep in mind, if only 1 or 2 warnings occur without any explanation behind their warning, then you could reject the message till later. Hopefully your total investment (physical, emotional, and monetary) will not be too high or too late.

8. Don’t discount what CTs will say. The story either happened in actual reality or in the CTs mind. Do not make an excuse for them, you are only hurting yourself.

9. If you are constantly having to rescue a CT, their family, and/or friends, does this sound familiar? Are you getting any benefit from this rescue operation or are you simply hoping the Titanic isn’t sinking?

10. CTs can’t handle their own finances and may seek assistance from you.

11. When CTs talk about past relationships, you need to listen carefully and ask questions.

Indicators 2 to 11 to Keep Aware of in the Middle Zone

Middle Zone: Recognize & Look at Signs Indicators 12 through 25 [Note: Step 1 “FLEE” can still occur in the Middle Stage.]

12. CT will always blame another person, situation, etc.

13. CT cannot face or accept reality.

14. The closer you are to CT, the harder it is to see it. Keep in mind that close emotional contact or involvement through family relations or personal relationships can obscure the evidence. Keep the tally as a written journal on your computer or somewhere safe. As you review what you have been recording, you will eventually see evidence.

15. Only with time and distance will you see how you were impacted by CT.

16. CTs have a hard time returning genuine love as they have a hard time loving themselves.

17. CTs will say anything that they can to get what they want as they are very manipulative.

18. Being in a relationship with a CT is not a two-way street relationship, you should not expect it to be.

19. The message is all about the sender. When CTs speaks negatively about other individuals, ideas, groups, etc., the message reflects their true internal thoughts and feelings. When you reflect on the things people say, then it is a possible reflection about themselves.

20. CTs loves drama, especially if they can institute the drama between two people whom they are playing off each other. By using this tactic, they can assume an innocent stance regarding the unfolding of the action.

21. CTs has a difficult time with forgiveness as to forgive is to accept ownership of the situation.

22. If CTs could change, then their life would be better. However, you cannot change a CT. Only CTs can change themselves by accepting professional and/or spiritual help over a long period of time to transform themselves.

23. Remember when CTs claim that they have forgiven or are expressing sorrow, they may not be. You need to be guarded as this may be a ploy to simply bring the lifeboat back to themselves. They do not want to lose their lifeline.

24. Do not hate a CT else you will carry the anger with you after you have left CT. As a result, you will never truly be free of the CT. Why do you want them to live rent free inside your mind?

25. CTs can have trouble in letting go of anything. Hoarding tendencies can exist.

Indicators 12 to 25 to Keep Aware of in the Middle Zone

Middle Zone: Recognize & Look at Signs Indicators 26 through 30 [Note: Step 1 “FLEE” can still occur in the Middle Stage.]

26. CTs are always right, no matter the actual facts. They will twist these facts to their own reality.

27. CTs behavior and warning signs can exist along a multiple faceted continuum. Among the examples listed from real life, you will notice that multiple factors may be at influence behind the actions of CTs.

28. If you grow up with a CT then your normal accepts a CT’s behavior as normal as you perceive it.

29. If they could change then their life would change. CTs will not willingly change though they might profess that they can just to keep you with them.

30. They have not forgiven you when they try to get back together, they are simply holding onto the same hope as if they were trying to win the lottery.

Indicators 26 to 30 to Keep Aware of in the Middle Zone
+ CT Methodology, Incremental Information Gathering, Questions to Ask
3 lectures 40:07

Keep in Mind the Following Methods that CTs will use on you:

  1.  Narcissistic Moths are drawn to the flame of kindness and empathy.

  2. Just because someone has a pet and they treat them well does not mean they are sane.

  3. If they tell you their diagnosis, check to make sure they are taking their medicine and it is working. Look up the prescriptions online and see what side-effects or behaviors are supposed to be controlled by the medication. Do you notice side-effects or behaviors that might be of concern? Are they possibly taking a diet medicine that is interacting based on the info from online? If they are not taking their medicine, is someone other than their doctor telling them that they are fine? Are any of the side-effects obvious?

  4. CTs are drowning for stability. They will try to pull you down to bring themselves back to normal.

  5. Other people may start to think of you as a CT because of your association with CT.

  6. They will try their best to derail you in your life by their actions - not their words.

  7. If Crazy Train’s friends accept her, then you might think all is okay. CTs’ friends will also tend to be CTs and accepting of them.

  8. You start to doubt yourself and your vision of reality.

  9. CTs lack responsibility and seek to blame others or situations for misfortune in their lives.

  10. CTs won’t just try to manipulate one person but many.

  11. CTs cannot be negotiated with as CT wants it all or more than you are willing to offer.

  12. CTs will manipulate whenever possible.

  13. CTs believes their own lies as truth regardless of any facts that you may present.

  14. CTs’ words are lovely, they will manipulate you.

  15. CTs can also be very aggressive and threatening when you are not doing what they want.

  16. You need to be aware when your red line is being crossed. It can occur incrementally. Keep in mind what your non-negotiable point is. When you reach a non-negotiable, then it is over. Do not allow them to brush off their behavior with an excuse.

  17. CTs can gauge you & apologize when they go too far.

  18. They are seeking their life boat.

  19. They can find their “wun twu luv” whom they can manipulate after gauging your acceptance to their disclosures.

  20. CTs looks for the wearing down of their target and then they will triumphantly rejoice as then the gloves can come off allowing their “true” selves finally to shine in all its glory. Get ready Crazy Train is now truly about to start and accelerate.

CT Methodology - How They Act & Why?

Incremental Awareness: Keeping Track of the Above Middle Zone

Incremental Awareness is what can occur to someone who is dealing with a CT. The most difficult situation next to being with a CT relative, who one cares about, is a CT with whom you have fallen in love. The process of Incremental Awareness moves you through some stages: Interesting, Unusual, Weird, Eccentric, Annoying, A Little Nuts, .......Freak. Of course, somewhere along this route the sound effect of Daffy Duck “booouwip” will come to mind. Hopefully at the point of this realization, you are not in a locked room with the CT looking for a way out.


In the old days, prior to social media, you might have been able to hide information about yourself from others. However, in the Now everyone checks on everyone. CTs can research their target. Hopefully, CTs are researchable online as well. But if they know that others might visit their social media sites, then why would you expect them to be obvious? This is where the true danger from clever CTs exists. Clever CTs will know exactly what to say when they are wanting to make a great first impression. You actually have to be paying attention to their actions and intentions behind the words. If you do, then you may be able to collect the warning flags quicker. Otherwise, you may have your “booouwip” moment further down the road, as you then plan a quick exit strategy.


CTs can be the ultimate form of an Insider Threat to you, if you are not careful as they are in close proximity. The potential threat increases, if they are determined to stay and not leave. If they realize that you are going to leave, you need to be aware of your situation. In case, you need to involve the authorities, then have evidence on your side. A vindictive CT is a problem that will continue to follow you, if you are able to successfully break-free.


These individuals can also be dangerous to you physically. Be careful.


These individuals can also attempt to sabotage your work if you are doing research, writing projects, running a business, attempting to network with other professionals, etc. Be careful.


These individuals may try to get credit cards in your name, have you be the co-signer, run-up credit card bills, steal money from your accounts, send email from your own account (if you don’t have your email secure), etc. Do they have life insurance on you?


Given enough time after getting free, you need to remember that they will probably find someone else. Though a vindictive CT may still feel angst if you cross their path and/or your current plans are preventing them from obtaining a goal.

NOTE: Include OSINT info research sites below

Incremental Continuum Gathering Info


Examples of Incremental Warning Signs from Real Life Experiences

  1. What medications are they are taking?

  2. Are they an addictive collector?

  3. Do they have an obsessive interest in a particular literary character or place?

  4. Are you getting emails from someone that you hardly know and the emails are very frequent?

  5. Are they insistent in getting you to agree to their perspective and unwilling to consider themselves wrong?

  6. Do they seek advice and then summarily reject it without consideration while showing anger and/or annoyance?

  7. Do they get angry if you are asking questions about their thoughts, behaviors, and/or actions?

  8. Do they like to speak for you without checking with you first regarding your thoughts on the subject?

  9. Do they drop everything and travel without any consideration just to solve a situation and then need assistance?

  10. Do they make impulsive decisions that adversely impact other people with no sense of regret?

  11. Do they make decisions for others without checking with them?

  12. Do they ever invite you over to their place?

  13. Is the communication of emotion a one-way street?

  14. Are they never wrong and will never admit to it? Always someone else’s or situations fault?

  15. Do they make large financial decisions without checking with anyone directly effected, such as taking out loans?

  16. Are either of their parents or other relatives unstable?

  17. Do they start making plans for you?

  18. Are you embarrassed to introduce them to people you know?

  19. When they know they are meeting your parents, are they drunk or under the obvious influence of a substance?

  20. Do they go on strange health diets?

  21. Do appliances talk to them?

  22. Are they calling you from jail?

  23. Do they keep or collect trash or bodily waste under the counter?

  24. Have they ever been lost in the shower or closet?

  25. Do they go into unlocked or unoccupied houses, just because they can? Example: Genny also worked for a locksmith and supposedly would explore empty houses if she had a key to imagine what it would be like to live in the house. Lesson Learned: If a CT is unwilling to respect the private property of others, then why should you believe that they will respect your private property? How much trust should you put in what they tell you? Is their word their bond, if it only helps them? Trust but verify.

  26. Do they use someone else as a bar tab?

  27. Do they get hysterical over very small issues?

  28. Do they indicate that they need your help as they are going to be losing a place to live in? For example, is the dorm closing for the summer semester and they only need a place to stay temporarily?

  29. Does the person accept guilt from historical events that occurred prior to their birth?

  30. Are you always rescuing them from their bad decisions?

  31. Be careful as they may try to Hook you (e.g. they will mention an idea that if you don’t do it (as a sensible choice) then they will go ahead and act on the idea, where you may feel the need to rescue them or at least follow along to hopefully keep them from harming themselves. This is often a tough choice as they could deny making the suggestion if you call medical or other authorities to stop them. Worst case scenario - Are you the last one that was seen with them prior to their announcing their unwise decision?

Questions to Ask Yourself about the CT
+ Introduction to Stories
3 lectures 17:33

Warning Signs that can happen divided into different categories.

I've included links in the material to any public news story that I've already mentioned or gone to court. Questions to ask yourself regarding incremental behaviors. Morals to stories and grouping similar stories together. Hopefully give yourself insights into discerning problems.

Some signs to look for are lots of collectibles, obsessions regarding different literary works, actors, movies, etc., receiving lots of emails from strangers, and insistent about you adopting a particular point of view. Additionally, do they seek advice only to reject the advice, anger and annoyance with you for doing what they asked. Are you giving them not the correct answer? Do they get angry about you asking a legitimate question that you were genuinely wanting to know? Do different personalities suddenly appearing? Discovering info that you were unaware of regarding your relationship with them. Suddenly requesting your assistance for a reactionary plan and/or impulsively make decisions without regard to others who might be effected by their decision. Do they take out loans? Do they decide to do trips suddenly? Did they attempt to obtain new credit cards or credit cards in your name? Have they ever invited them to their house? Do you really know what their daily life is really like? Are they living a double-life? Are you experiencing a one-way relationship without reciprocal sharing? Are they ever wrong? Do they ever try to convince you to do a financial investment in something they are interested in? Are you discovering new facets of their behavior at family gatherings? Do they start to make plans for you? Do they do things to make you uncomfortable on purpose?

Intro to Stories - Part 1 Story Time

Story time. Actual events that happened to me personally or heard through an interview or discussion that has been verified. Story then lesson take-away, overall message for a different category or theme

Intro to Stories - Part 2 What to Expect

Warning Signs looking at them and dividing them into categories, deception, bullying, unhealthy possessive qualities, stretch the truth, hide things from you, control what actions you do, speaking for you, financial advantage of you, lacking basic skills,

after each of the stories give lesson learned. big take-away or lesson maxims at the end of each section. these allow you to relate this information back to 12 steps of discernment and/or 30 points to keep in mind regarding CTs or other sections discussed to keep you aware of what is a warning sign. how do I keep track of these incremental warnings?

Intro to Stories - Part 3 Warning Signs & Categories
+ Disclosure Phase
10 lectures 42:40

Summary Sentences: Subjects of Coping with Loss Part 1 are Denise vs Diana. How did they deal with it? Leonard and his inability to deal with personal loss.

- One of my friends, Denise, who I had been interested in dating explained that earlier in life she had attempted suicide. This is the type of tale which can be revealed during the Disclosure Period. Anyone can go thru a bad situation. The question is can they come out the other side? Later in life, Denise found her fiancé had committed suicide through hanging. She is a very strong person and became successful in life and has moved on. If one contrasts her with Diana, Diana found her father’s body in a greenhouse at the age of 12. This was a stepping stone down a worrisome path for Diana in her later teenage years. Diana indicated that she tried different illegal drugs as a coping mechanism as a result.

Lesson Learned: Everyone deals with loss differently. Some can accept unexpected loss and continue living, while others will struggle to find meaning and will be hampered by the loss.

Coping with Loss Part 1

- Allison and Susan’s father, Alex, died at an early age, Allison was 5 while Susan was 2 1/2. Allison seemed to separate from the family and isolated herself. As Allison grew older, she continued to try to control everything around her. Allison went to therapy in her college years, but she continued to blame her problems on everyone around her. Whereas, Susan cried alot and became more dependent with her family members. As a child and an adult, Susan got professional help to help her deal with her grief and depression. Susan wanted to heal herself of her pain first so if she was to marry she woundn’t drag her old issues into the marriage.

Lesson Learned: Yet another example of different personalities will handle the same situation differently. If someone has an accepting personality, then they can handle the trauma better. If someone has a more rigid personality, then they are going to have a harder time accepting any traumatic change, especially if it proves that they have little or no control over the circumstances.

Coping with Loss Part 2

Summary Sentences: Tales of two different hoarders Cindy & Grandma and George & Jessica. Inside Jessica's house gain height referred to as NBA. Only way to get a hoarder assistance is professional counseling.

- Cindy was having issues living with her parents and moved into her grandmother’s house which was entirely cluttered. The basement resembled the warehouse in Raiders of the Lost Ark, except stacks of stuff, newspapers, etc.

Lesson Learned: If someone is comfortable living in a cluttered house, then they may have a hard time changing to an organized lifestyle. You may also see a parallel with how the interior of their car appears. Is it neat and clean or chaos and unkempt?

- Jessica is a hoarder, who will blame you if you try to move anything. “I know where everything is located.”

Lesson Learned: If CT is stating an obvious falsehood, then do you persist attempting to assist them? The question may be, "Does the CT really want your help, if your efforts are repulsed when you aid them per their request?"

Hoarding Part 1

- Allison has a very difficult time letting anything go physically. Prior to her sister being born, Allison saw a fire on the family farm burning a bunch of trees. Her mother and a neighbor worked on controlling the flames on the ground, but the fires burned the tops of the trees prior to burning itself out. Allison had nightmares of fires and would never leave the house unless she had checked the stove to make sure it was off.

Lesson Learned: Fire can be traumatic especially to a child. Susan indicated that Allison had a fear of fire and did not like to get rid of anything. This could have been increased by the loss of her father at a young age. Though Allison’s inability to accept change, e.g., the rock collection or the bicycle riding, were present prior to Alex’s death.

Hoarding Part 2

Summary Sentences: The tale of two sisters is Susan v Allison. Allison did not want any changes to her rock garden. Allision and Susan used to ride their bicycles only one direction. Allison dented Susan's fender with her fist.               

- Allison is the older sister of Susan, who is George’s wife. Allison has exhibited odd behaviors from early childhood, prior to any traumatic experiences. When Allison was 2-3 years old, she was quite fond of her collection of large rocks in the patio. Her father, Alex, had to fix the farm’s well by pulling it physically out of the ground. As part of the process to repair the well, Alex would need to use the rocks from Allison’s rock collection. When Allison heard what Alex was planning, she became unreconcilable with anger regarding the moving of her rocks, even though Alex told her that the rocks would be put back after the well was repaired.

Lesson Learned: Behaviors that lead to becoming a CT can develop early on, regardless of any experiences of mental trauma.

- On their farm, Allison and Susan had a worn bicycle path around the farm. Typically they would ride their bicycles clockwise on this path. One time, Susan decided that it would be more fun to ride counterclockwise as there would be more difficult terrain. Allison threw a fit and screamed at Susan. She said it would be a danger as she and Susan could run into each other on their bicycles. Susan and Allison argued as usual. They went to their mom, Sandra, who said they needed to ride clockwise when they both were riding their bicycles. The family would placate Allison as she was so unreasonable and irrational. Susan was told that she could ride counterclockwise when Allison was not riding.

Lesson Learned: CTs can have a domineering perspective of how things should be. They are a great believer in should, as if the circumstances are destined to only have a single potential outcome. Through excessive temperament, irrational reaction, and manipulative behavior, CT will attempt to force their position. As CT experiences success with their method of dealing with disagreements, then they will continue to use this method more frequently. The CT will feel the thrill and success of being a bully. As a result, their reaction and behavior will be reinforced and continue.   

- Allison once saw Susan and her fiancée, George, parked outside the old farmhouse. Allison and Susan were still in the process of deciding how to divide the property (50-50) from their Aunt Dorothy’s estate. Allison’s solution was easy, just give it all to her as she was the one who deserved all the property. She emphasized the demand by denting Susan’s driver’s side front door with her fist.

Lesson Learned: CT could resort to violence to coerce agreement from others by making threats or by using physical force to emphasize a point.

Inability to Change

Summary Sentences: Leonard; Susan-v-Allison help? no Compassion and no Emotional Support.

- Allison never played nor wanted to socialize with Susan. She never praised her sister, and often told Susan that she could do nothing right. Allison would say to Susan, “You do everything backwards.”

Lesson Learned: Some siblings, who are CT, can never be compromised with and attempts to be close will only get you further abusive behavior. You need to find ways to separate from them as they will only attempt to bring you down and possibly harm you during your life.

Lack of Emotional Attachment - Bully - Abusive

Summary Sentences: Parental Laura -vs- Mom; needing emotional strength              

- Laura’s mother was committed during her early childhood due to severe mental illness. Laura mentioned that her mom would send her a black rose and a card on her birthday stating that she wished the Laura had never been born.

Lesson Learned: Needless to say, one can see how this psychological torment from a parent could add to potential stress. Children who experience emotional abuse may have additional struggles, depending on their internal strength and fortitude. Remember, you cannot fill someone else’s emotional void.

Psychological & Physical Abuse

Summary Sentences: Late stage disclosure. Reminded old boyfriend’s place set a fire. Black Lodge conspiracy believed in. Are they kidding or serious? what disturbing thoughts do they admit to? Ask follow-up questions.

- Regarding Diana’s discussion of a past bad relationship, “Why did you think about burning down his apartment?” She believed that the boyfriend (relationship for one year) that she had been with had left a Cone of Black Ash on her back porch.

Lesson Learned: When CT talks about past relationships, they will probably disclose information that you need to pay attention to carefully. You may want to ask follow-up questions, if you feel comfortable. Keep in mind that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior.

Late Disclosure

Summary Sentences: Main Lesson: active listening indications of red lines; flags; use strategies to make them comfortable; make notes

Active Listening for Red Flags

Main Lesson regarding the Disclosure Period

Lesson Learned: Be understanding and listen actively. The Disclosure Period is an interaction where a CT will look for your honest reaction to determine if they need to hide further disclosure or not. If they decide that you are accepting of them, you may learn enough intel to save yourself a lot of time and effort. Remember, information revealed during the Disclosure Period may be a completely natural reaction. The intensity of the reaction and impact on the potential CT is what you need to make notes. One sign does not mean a CT, their overall reaction can.

Main Lesson Active Listening
+ Stories - Odd Behavior
13 lectures 29:32

Summary Sentences: normal communication matching; ask questions about what you just said; Laura tennis match; arms moving not necessarily a problem

- Laura used to talk while moving her arms as she walked one direction then quickly turned, much like watching a tennis match.

Lesson Learned: CTs tend to have odd behaviors when talking with others. If something seems off the norm, then you may want to make a mental note.

Stories - Odd Behavior 1

Summary Sentences: note from Diana on the front door; rambling letter; unexpected meetings, supposed happenstance what are you posting and where? who’s coming to dinner or a visit?

- Once Diana left a hand-written note on the outside of my apartment. My roommate and I found the note which rambled about different ideas and closed with “your friend, D.” Both of us laughed it off as it seemed similar to the ending of the note mentioned in movie Bram Stokers’ Dracula.

Lesson Learned: Love notes and letters is one thing. However, if you are receiving cryptic messages that feel weird, then you may want to consider this a warning sign. You should keep track of this warning sign along with any other types of signs to determine if a red line has been crossed.

Stories - Odd Behavior 2

Summary Sentences: behavior you hear about but don’t want to believe. Diana duct work would protect her from ELF. denial of their behavior; which reality do you want to believe; who has the truth?

- Friends will tell you that your girlfriend, Diana, is showing up to sit under the ductwork in their campus office to protect herself from “extremely low frequency” sounds, but when you confront her - she denies saying it.

Lesson Learned: Weird behavior reported by friends should not be ignored or pass off as nothing, especially if CT indicates that the situation did not occur. You have your friends’ word against the CT’s word. Who do you believe? Consider has CT done anything in the past that you have direct knowledge, which would indicate they are capable of the behavior or action witnessed? If so, ask yourself “Why would CT lie about the event to you?” Where does this event fall along the red line?

Stories - Odd Behavior 3

Summary Sentences: Odd Behavior/Demanding/ Total Authority; Obsessive Unhealthy  martial arts sword fencing

- Samantha and her husband, Mike, are interesting as they have lots of interests and teach fencing. Samantha's tendency to eat raw steak and likes to keep a couple of rats as pets. When I explained my job would not allow me to continue training, she indicated that I would have to choose between the job or the training. Mike forbid anyone from training with any other instructors, as they had probably stolen his methods.

Lesson Learned: CTs can be obsessive in how they communicate to others. You need to check the situation out and not go by first impressions. You may discover that the truth of the situation is not as it first appears.

Stories - Odd Behavior 4

Summary Sentences: Mark nervous twitch and facial tics are not something to ignore just make a note of it. The physical indicator may be an indicator of other items.

- Mark has a nervous tic, where he would slightly move his head to the right when he talks.

Lesson Learned: Though a possible sign, a single sign is generally not what I would term a CT. Do not just rely on a single sign as an indicator of a CT. Check for patterns of actions and behaviors; especially if their words do not match what you can observe.

Stories - Odd Behavior 5

Summary Sentences: Sense of Smell: Diana odor on clothing possible red flag easier to notice

- Diana’s sense of smell was probably affected as even though she would wash her clothing, the clothing still smelled.

Lesson Learned: A potential warning sign that an underlying physical cause may be occurring with CTs. Are they actually washing their clothes? What is the reason for the clothes not getting clean?

Stories - Odd Behavior 6

Summary Sentences: Diana balanced vs unbalanced on meds vs off meds. over adjusting for appearance

- A friend, David, commented on how much make-up Diana would use. He would refer to her as the walking Picasso. When I reminisce, one might believe that Tammy Faye was her role-model.

Lesson Learned: CT will not have a good sense of self and will attempt to use make-up to obtain what appears to them to be glamorous. To those around the CT, they will look odd to absurd.

Stories - Odd Behavior 7

Summary Sentences: Diana and Laura. walking out of the room and scream therapy. then return very calm. scream to sedation

-On a few occasions I remember, Diana or Laura entering a room, closing the door, and then they would just scream. Do you find yourself trying to explain the behavior to others as “Primal Scream Therapy?”

Lesson Learned: When a CT cannot handle the reality of a situation, then they will often scream to bring themselves back to a calm state. This is a definite warning sign depending on what upset their sense of reality and triggered the episode.

Stories - Odd Behavior 8

Summary Sentences: Diana received a call. not on something off them. got info to public defender. assisted. she found someone new years later, funeral gm and cousin Lou - did her final wishes.

- About two years after escaping the relationship with Diana, I received a collect call from the Loudon County Jail. Diana had been arrested for suspicion of being under the influence of substances. After speaking with her, I realized that her odd behavior was related to not being on her medication. I contacted her public defender, gave him the information, and he was successful in getting the judge to transfer Diana to a mental health facility for evaluation. As a result, Diana was placed back on her meds and the charges against her dropped.

Lesson Learned: When you have had experience dealing with a CTs, you can better assess and appreciate where they are coming. Remember, it is ok to assist them in a limited fashion but you cannot get hooked back into the negative relationship.

Lesson Maxim: If you lend aid to an ex-CT or CT, then be sure to avoid being entrenched into a new relationship.

Stories - Odd Behavior 9

Summary Sentences: Social Unawareness: what behaviors are they capable of? no caring balancing the stick a spoon

- I was on a date with Melissa, who kept trying to lick and stick a spoon to the end of her nose, to impress the table of friends at a restaurant.

Lesson Learned: Do they do behavior which they find amusing but no one else does? Do they attempt to embarrass you in social situations?

Stories - Odd Behavior 10

Summary Sentences: Act without Thinking Carefully: Lack of Social Awareness; Peter found investor. wrapped up with their plans              

- Peter was a CT who liked to look for impractical ways to make money. He had a great idea but needed to locate people who had money to invest with him. He called me up and asked what I thought of his ice breaker method. He said, “He had seen a Ferrari parked in a lot and thought that a bright idea would be to leave a note on the car.” “What will the note say?” I asked. “Oh, sorry about the scratch with my name and number for him to contact me,” replied Peter. I told him, “You don’t want to do that. If he finds a scratch though you didn’t leave one, he’ll believe that you did it.” I heard an expletive on the other end of the phone and Peter went and got his note off the car.

Lesson Learned: What is obvious to someone else is not necessarily obvious to a CTs, as in the case of common sense or dealing with other people in a social situation. If they ask your opinion prior to completely committing to an action, then you may be able to reach them with common sense. Otherwise, they will get upset with you and decide to do the action anyway. Remember, you are clear as you have given the advice. They actively chose not to abide and consider the advice given to them.

Stories - Odd Behavior 11

- One evening, I awoke to a tremendous screaming from Diana, who was pounding on the walls of the bathroom. I thought someone was attacking her in the bathroom. I ran to the room and opened the door to a dark bathroom. After flipping on the light, I saw the shower curtain closed and heard her screaming and pounding on the walls of the shower to be let out. Diana had literally sleepwalked into the bathroom from the living room and gotten lost in the shower stall. I gave her the nickname of “Pathfinder” after this event.

Lesson Learned: CT can cause a lot of drama with their behaviors and actions. The undercurrent will be unsettling. Possibly, they are acting this behavior due to substance abuse, genuine sleepwalking, etc. If they have not shown any signs of sleepwalking prior, then you might want to consider substance abuse as the underlying reason. Ask yourself, “Were you aware of them drinking heavily or anything else? What next?

Stories - Odd Behavior 12
CT News Stories - Odd Behavior
+ Stories - Deception
4 lectures 11:41

Summary Sentences: Deception/Underlying Causes: UF Laura; Basic Life Skills lacking; Flimsy excuses are the red flags and emotional blinders

- When I was 18, I met Laura, she was 20. Laura did not know how to drive nor had she ever taken a driver’s test. I taught her how to drive in my own car in deserted parking lots. She used my car for her driver’s road test and earned her driver’s license.

Lesson Learned: If CTs lacks some standard basic life skill, you should not just accept their offhand explanation. You need to really dig deep and get at the truth.

Stories - Deception 1

Summary Sentences: Deception: UF Laura - lying about being enrolled; sorry that she got caught - denial to not face reality; double life forgiven do not forget; do not make excuses; red line

- After meeting Laura, it was over a year before I learned that she wasn’t really enrolled in classes. Since she lived in an apartment off campus, she didn’t have to worry about being removed from a dorm. She would take books to areas of the UF campus acting like she was attending classes. Only later did I discover that she had flunked out and was simply going thru the motions. In addition, none of her friends were aware of her not actually attending classes. She was intent on not allowing this reality to impend upon her world. This reality did come home to rest when she had to return home to her father, Jeff. Jeff apparently had finally learned of the subterfuge his daughter Laura was living. Laura after she went home called me and explained tearfully what had occurred. She was seeking an understanding person to listen to her. I did forgive but did not forget.

Lesson Learned: If someone lies to you and all those around you without any concern until they are caught, what does the incident tell you about themselves? You need to determine if they have crossed a red line. If they have not crossed the red line, then you need to make a mental note of this specific event. Do not forget the context of the event and what their behavior is before, during and after the event is resolved.

Stories - Deception 2

Summary Sentences: Deception: Diana close relationship - speaking for you; using your influence without your knowledge; caught in the storm. CTs will use you to help them accomplish what their goals are.

- Diana wrote a letter and sent to professional people in my field of study who I had never me at William and Mary.

College stating that I believed in the same conspiracy as Diana. I suspect that this came back to haunt me. I only found out years afterwards when I was escaping from the relationship.

Lesson Learned: CTs will knowingly utilize you as a resource to get ahead in their career path, perceived goals, or as a means to an end, regardless of any damage it may do to you or your reputation.

Stories - Deception 3
CT News Stories - Deception
+ Stories - Narcissistic
3 lectures 10:43

Summary Sentences: Jeopardizing business records, research no value of yours, only their items; different value for them; expecting you to treat them better than they treat you; no quid pro quo; justify everything; Personal Property

- Diana surprised me once by organizing my office while I was out at a conference. When I came home, the 6 boxes of papers related to my research thesis and 1 box that contained business records were put away, filed was what I assumed. I asked where they had been filed. She indicated the communal closet for the 4 different apartments in our building. Fortunately, nothing was missing.

Lesson Learned: What you consider important is not what they consider important. Only if they have some investment will they attach any importance to the situation.

Stories - Narcissistic 1

Summary Sentences: Victimhood Status: Allison sent letters of complaint to both her mom, Sandra, and Susan. Allison needs assistance in getting professional license renewed. Manipulate, coerce, and cause guilt for Susan. maybe this will be the changing point still wanted more property - underwater. delay to repay - run from a CT and past behavior best predictor of the future behavior. don’t get involved. move on and separate. avoid financial

- Allison would write manipulative or threatening letters to both her mother and sister depending on what she was attempting to accomplish. She wrote several letters expressing to her mother her dire need for money, though she had real estate that she could have sold. Prior to Sandra’s death, Allison had written threatening and blaming letters to Susan regarding her part in all of Allison’s life. After Sandra’s death, Allison wrote a letter to Susan begging for money to pay for past dues resulting from 5 years of non-payment of the fees for her professional certification, or else she would have no method to earn money and her children would starve. Susan felt that she needed to save her sister and spent money from Sandra’s estate to once again bail out her sister. Once the fees were paid, Allison refused to sign the paperwork from Sandra’s Estate stating that she had received her share of the estate. Allison wants more real estate and is trying to hold Susan hostage to get what she wants. Nevertheless, Susan was simply used by Allison and doesn’t ever expect the money to be repaid.

Lesson Learned: CTs use manipulation as a method to great effect on relatives and friends. The effectiveness lasts until you can find a method of casting them off. They will put off repaying any loans that you may give them. They will delay until you stop asking. Easiest method in dealing with the financials of a CT... don’t. You need to get away from them as quickly as possible. They will manipulate, coerce, etc., till either you give them what they demand or break ties.

Stories - Narcissistic 2
CT News Stories - Narcissistic
+ Stories - Unhealthy Relationships
5 lectures 12:57

Summary Sentences: UF Laura XMAS Dance - death grip; cupie doll emotional control no sharing unhealthy possessive

- While at the University of Florida of Gainesville, I invited Laura to a dance. When I looked at the photograph later, I looked normal. However, her expression was one of possessive glee coupled with a death grip.

Lesson Learned: If you think that their actions may indicate an unhealthy possessive undercurrent, you need to examine the relationship.

Stories - Unhealthy Relationships 1

Summary Sentences: CT relationships can run in families; possibly passed onto Allison’s & Leonard’s children, Hazel and Austin; Hazel not letting it go & Austin other voice [divide after discussion of hazel not letting go, then go to next

- Allison and Leonard’s children, Hazel and Austin, both have similar CT issues to their parents. Hazel has a strong inability to throw away anything and experiences extreme feelings of loss. Hazel also had issues with Susan selling an old house which she has visited only once. Another time, Hazel visited Susan’s house and didn’t want Susan to throw away a straw Hazel had used. Hazel wanted to take the straw home with her! While Austin was observed talking to another personality outside himself as he carried on an animated discussion with his reflection in a window. He used his normal voice and then responded with a different voice regarding why he should not have attended an outdoor rocket competition.

Lesson Learned: CTs can pass their traits to their children. CTs will either have the tendencies already or be pushed due to traumatic events. As a result, the chances of two CTs having children with the CT tendency is higher. When Leonard was told of the incident with Austin, he explained that Allison and he were aware of the issue. They were simply waiting for Austin to have a break with reality prior to seeking professional assistance.

Stories - Unhealthy Relationships 2

Summary Sentences: CT relationships can run in families; possibly passed onto their children Allison & Leonard; Austin other voice

While Austin was observed talking to another personality outside himself as he carried on an animated discussion with his reflection in a window. He used his normal voice and then responded with a different voice regarding why he should not have attended an outdoor rocket competition.

Lesson Learned: Refer to last lesson learned under Unhealthy Relationship 2.

Stories - Unhealthy Relationships 3

Summary Sentences: Take what they say: Susan & Allison favorite phrase “”; suicidal vs homicidal. off-color without thinking. take threats seriously. what is the emotion behind the statement

- Several times Allison told her sister, Susan, “I’m not the suicidal-type, I’m the homicidal-type.” Allison apparently was proud of this phrase.

Lesson Learned: CTs will say things that are veiled threats possibly. Sometimes people can make poor improper jokes. Example: Susan indicated that Allison made the statement with a definite edge to her voice. Warning signs need to be taken seriously so that you do not discount what has been said by a CT to you.

Lesson Maxim: Consider veiled threats as serious and a non-negotiable point.

Stories - Unhealthy Relationships 4
CT News Stories - Unhealthy Relationships