Raising Drug and Alcohol Free Kids

Welcome to our next section! We’re going to kick this course off with some really in depth lectures about drugs, alcohol, and what you can do as a parent. We’ll talk about your own childhood and how that can affect how your own view on drugs and alcohol. We’ll also talk about the harm reduction approach, how to lead by example, what to communicate and how to prevent it all from even starting. Let’s dive right in.

If you are taking this course you are concerned and care deeply about the well-being of your children and whether or not they use or abuse substances. But what I do know is that not everyone will come from the same background. Some of you may have had super strict parents who practiced and preached abstinence and some of you may have had a childhood full of drugs and alcohol. Most of you probably fall somewhere in between. But wherever you stand it’s important to start this course by taking a trip down memory lane.

There’s no disputing that we are raising kids in a completely different time with the use of technology and social media but interestingly drug and alcohol use among teens has been on a steady decline and that’s because of parents like you. Parents who know how destructive and chaotic drug abuse can be.

Back to thinking about your own childhood. If you were raised in a family that drank alcohol or abused drugs then it should be easy to think about what was upsetting about those times. How did you feel knowing your parents were drunk or high. If you lived in a family with not a lot of drug or alcohol use think of the times you encountered a drug adult and think about how that made you feel. Maybe it was a drunk uncle or a friend’s mom.

Your experiences as a child consciously or subconsciously has made an impact on how you parent. However old your children are, think back to when you were their age. After this lecture write some notes in your journal about everything you saw or remember when it came to drugs and alcohol. For example if you have a 2 and 4 year old you may not remember much so just think back to your earliest memories. Was beer constantly stocked in your fridge? Did your grandpa act goofy or violent after having a few drinks? If you have children who are 15 and 17 think back to your own alcohol and drug use as well as what you saw at home. Are your kids witnessing the same things or following in your footsteps? Maybe for some of you they are and that might be a good thing or maybe it’s not a good thing. Whatever it is, this is just a warm up lecture. I want you to start thinking about this, opening up your mind a bit and this activity will help you as we progress through the course.

https://www.responsibility.org/get-the-facts/research/statistics/underage-drinking-statistics/

As a parent it’s normal to question your every decision, action or feeling. Guild is also a common feeling for parents to have especially when they think about things they’ve done in the past that can cause regret. It doesn’t matter how old your kids are, it’s never too late to start making changes. One of the common things I hear when talking to my clients is how they feel like they should have started earlier.

The good news is, kids are super resilient and when done right, you too can make the changes you need to be sure your kids are drug and alcohol free. Whether you have a baby or a teenager, the strategies in this course will apply and if implemented, you’ll be able to ensure not only your children’s overall health and well being but their ability to make strong decisions and live an engaging life that doesn’t include drugs or alcohol. Never feel like it’s too late to make a change. Whether you’re taking this course to be proactive or taking this course because drug and alcohol use has already started, you’re in the right place.

If you have a baby or toddler it’s especially important to not use drugs or alcohol while you are caring for them. I personally recommend, and I’ll talk about this more in the next lecture but, I personally recommend not drinking or doing any drugs while your baby or toddler is awake or while you have to care for them. This is because studies have confirmed that even babies know when a parent isn’t in their right state of mind. When you’re not sober, you’re not parenting at your best, even if you think you are. It’s dangerous to care for a baby while drunk or high for the obvious reasons but from an emotional level, it’s just as dangerous. Even if you think your baby or toddler won’t remember, subconsciously, they know.

That’s not to say that what you’ve done in the past can’t be fixed, because it certainly can, like It talked about in the previous lecture but it is to say that if you have a baby or toddler and don’t stop or try to correct your own behavior it won’t get easier as they get older and in fact as they get older, 4-5 years old, they’ll certainly start to connect dots. IT’s best to get change and start good habits as early as possible. If now is your earliest, then start now.

Once your toddler starts to talk it’s important to keep communications open and age appropriate. It’s never cute to give kids a taste of beer and laugh. Trust me, we’ve either all done that as a child or know someone who has and yes, it might be cute to see their cheeks puff up but what that does subconsciously is teach them that drinking alcohol is funny and light and comes with no consequences. As your child starts to ask questions then talk to them about it. You can say, some people drink beer and it makes them feel funny and could make you really really sick, especially if you drink too much. Never try to push the conversation under the rug, just keep talking about it. We’ll keep talking about communication and what to say in this course but first let’s talk next about leading by example.

Lead by example, practice what you preach, those are two phrases you know but does it help when teaching your kids about drugs and alcohol. I can tell you most parents would say things like do what I say not what I do when it comes to drinking or smoking or whatever bad habit they’re in to. That’s because most parents cannot fathom the idea of seeing their kid drink like they do or smoke like they do or whatever. But this is not a good approach to take if you want your children to be drug and alcohol free.

Studies have shown that even moderate drug and alcohol use can have negative long term consequences. So it’s crucial to look at your own drug and alcohol use. Some of you may be in recovery or just choose to not drink or do drugs but some of you may think it’s no big deal if your kid sees you a little tipsy or even drunk at times. It is a big deal and you should stop. If you can’t stop you need to start taking the steps you need to take to eliminate drugs and alcohol from your life. If you are insistent on keeping them in your life, your job as a parent is going to be that much harder but not impossible if you just don’t drink or do drugs around your children. So if you are going to, be sure to do them at night after they are in bed. Your kids should never see you with alcohol.

The most common myth is that if you expose your child to moderate use of alcohol then it’ll take the curiosity or excitement away and they’ll be less likely to binge drink or partake in drugs and alcohol when they are older. This is an old wives tale and study after study has proven this to be wrong. What has been proven to be right though is extending the age of first use.

My best friend who lived across the street, we grew up together. Her parents didn’t drink at all, and my friend just wasn’t interested in drinking or doing any drugs throughout high school. The few times she did drink was in college and she never really enjoyed it, though the hangovers were more hassle than what it was worth. At her college graduation party, her parents popped open a bottle wine and we celebrated throughout the night. The conversation came up as I was curious - I had never seen her parents drink before and here they were drinking wine and having a good time. It turns out, her parents did drink but they never drank in front of their kids. It wasn’t until she was in college did she discover this. She now has two boys of her own and will enjoy a glass of wine or a beer with her husband every now and then but only after her kids are asleep.

As we progress through this course, we’re going to talk about very specific things to do and say and it’s going to be difficult to do those things if you’re not leading by example. My challenge to you right now, is to monitor your own drug or alcohol use, make a note of how many hours per day you’re using drugs or drinking in front of your children and take steps to make that not happen.

For example, if you come home from work and crack open a beer at 5:00 try to not crack open a beer until 6:00 this week and each week aim for an hour later. Eventually, you’ll crack open that first better after your kids go to bed. Now if drinking or drugs is a problem for you, like if you can’t actually do this then take steps to make a personal change. Maybe you take one of my addiction courses here on Udemy or maybe you search for other alternatives like AA, counseling or psychotherapy. Whatever it is, do your best to be your best and your children will follow in your footsteps.

If you grew up in America in the 80s or 90s you likely remember the DARE program. Drug Abuse Resistance Education and failed miserably. Drug and alcohol use went up and the data showed the ineffectiveness of the program. DARE was an abstinence based approach which meant schools and parents were encouraged to teach kids to never touch drugs or alcohol because they are bad. LIke sex, abstinence only approaches simply don’t work. But his work is a harm reduction approach and that’s what science has proven over and over again. Harm reduction isn’t about teaching kids to not do drugs or alcohol but rather if they do do them to be open, honest, and safe. The more open and honest kids can be, the more likely they are to wait longer and take less risks. The pressure and the curiosity goes down.

Combined with a harm reduction approach, specifically with drugs and alcohol science has also shown that the concept of age of first use plays a huge role in whether or not kids will abuse drugs or alcohol. When you extend the age of first use, they can use drugs or alcohol after their brain is more developed and then be able to make better and smarter choices.

For example if someone starts drinking at the age of 12 and gradually increases their use over the years, by the time they’re 21 they are likely to be full blown alcoholics. However, if a child’s age of first use is 20 then when they are 21 they’re still experimenting but with a much more mature mindset and their brains are able to function in a way that a 12 year old brain just couldn’t have.

With that being said, in this course we will use the harm reduction approach with the end goal of increasing your child’s age of first use. If your child drinks or experiments with drugs or alcohol at the age of 19 then they are no longer kids and you’ve done your job as a parent by keeping your kid drug and alcohol free.

However, if you’re here because your child has already experimented and you’re not sure how to stop it or how to proceed, don’t be worried. These strategies will help you gain a better understanding of where they were when they started using drugs or alcohol and how to get them back on track.

We talked a little bit about talking to your kids at a young age and now I want to dig a little deeper into that. Age appropriate conversation should be an ongoing thing from now until well, forever. Always always talk to your kids, pick up on clues and expand on things they say. For example, if your 8 year old talks about smoking weed because it’s something they heard a friend’s older sibling talk about, then use that as an opportunity to talk to them about what weed is, how it makes people feel and how important it is to not smoke week until you are an adult and your brain has fully grown.

When you see drug use on TV, no matter how old your children are, use that as an opportunity as well. You can pause the show when you see it and explain to them what the characters are doing and if the show is portraying the actuality of the drug use. Movies and shows often glorify alcohol and drug use but a simple conversation about how taking 4 shots at a bar will give you a giant hangover and have you puking in the toilet can put things into perspective. As your kids get older, let’s say teen years, and drug use is on TV you can ask them what they think. For example, if you’re watching a movie that glorifies cocaine use, ask them what they know about cocaine and ask them if they think that the show is portraying that situation in the right light and then see where the conversation takes you.

You can talk in the car because well, they’re trapped and have nowhere to go. For example, you might see an advert or hear something on the radio that can spark a conversation. It can be as simple as a radio commercial like a cab company offering free rides for drunk people or DUI lawyers, etc. See what your kids know and what they think, Just don’t stop talking.

No matter what your situation is, it’s always a good idea to try and make time for family dinners. I know that work and school can often get in the way but even if you try hard to carve out certain days in the week to just sit down and talk, you’ll be surprised on what comes out during this time, And if something comes about drugs or alcohol then go with that. If you haven’t had the conversation in a while then just start talking about it. For example, you can say something like this:

I saw that your school has an anti-drug policy. How do you think that’s working? Do a lot of kids at your school drink or do drugs? Kids are often very honest when straight up asked. Okay so speaking of having tough conversations let’s talk about how you can let them know how much you really know.

Welcome back. This lecture we’re talking about how to let your kids know that you know. Now this is important because, especially if you had older kids because they often think that parents don’t know anything. But you need to show them otherwise. And this can be done with young kids or older kids and it all goes back to constant communication.

What this means is that first, your approach should be letting them know that you know what alcohol does to you, you know the bad things it does and also letting them know that you know a lot about drugs. To do this, you should take some time to research online about all the different drugs out there - meth, cocaine, marijuana, ecstasy, but also let them know that you know a lot about prescription drugs too.

From a young age, you could talk about how alcohol can make you sick, can make you dizzy and vomit. As they get older and you start talking about drugs you can let them know that you know that meth makes you nervous and agitated or that ecstasy makes your pupils big. Whatever you do know, talk about it.

It’s also important to talk about how you’ll know if they ever do these things because you’ve done a lot of research. You can say something like, “If you do come home high from marijuana I’ll know. I know what to look for.” This keeps kids on their toes and when they know their parents are watching them they’ll be more hesitant to take that hit of weed after school or drink that drink at a party. This isn’t to say it will never happen because of course, some kids will still drink or do drugs regardless but this another tool, another piece of the pie to help with the bigger picture and the bigger approach.

Welcome back. In this lecture I want to talk to you about how to move past mistakes you may have made in the past, how to forgive yourself.There’s a lot of different ways that you can look at this and you’ll get different opinions no matter who you ask or talk to but we all know that kids are super resilient. That’s not to say that past alcohol or drug use didn’t affect them but if they see change, positive change, their past can be healed through time, hard work from you and staying dedicated to being their rock. If you dwell on the past they’ll dwell on it too. Whether or not they show it on the outside, kids want parents who are in charge, show stability and being able to overcome adversity is a huge plus.

We talk a lot about communication and like always it’s important to communicate with your kids about your past experiences. Now, I’m not talking about your past experiences that they don’t know about because those should be saved for when they are adults if ever. Seriously don’t talk about how you did cocaine and ecstasy when you were 16 and how you bought alcohol with a fake ID. They don’t need to know that right now.

However, you can talk about that night you got drunk and passed out and they had to put you to bed. Forgive yourself and talk about it. If it’s something they can remember it’s very important to not sweep it under the rug.

Here’s how you can start:

Remember last year when I got really drunk at that Christmas Party? I just want you to know that it upsets me that I did something like that and that I am working hard on changing my ways so that never happens again. How did that make you feel to see me like that?

Of course tailor the conversation to whatever it is that they saw, talk about it and emphasize how you’re going to get better, Talk about how you’re doing better and what they can expect going forward. But whatever you do, don’t keep it all inside or try to forget it ever happened. They won’t forget it happened but if you talk about it they will forgive you.

This may sound incredibly unnecessary especially if you have little ones and if you have little ones it’s even more important to get into the habit now so that when the time comes it won’t seem out of place, just natural. What i’m talking about is locking up your alcohol or drugs and especially your pain medications. True story, I had a friend in high school who would steal her mom’s vodka. She would put it in a water bottle and put water in the vodka bottle. Don’t let this happen to you. If you’re a vodka drinker remember this: vodka doesn’t freeze. So if you mark your vodka and stick in the freezer you’ll know whether or not your kid has been stealing it. But before it even gets to that point, how about locking up your alcohol and drugs.

Most kids who drink get it from their own parents' fridge or medicine cabinet. Start as soon as possible. If you’re kids are young it won’t phase them as this will just be a part of life. If they’re older you may have a little explaining to do, if they ask. To keep it simple, you can just say, you feel more comfortable for everyone involved if the alcohol is locked up and end it there. No long explanation is needed.

So how do you lock up your alcohol? If you have wine or room temperature alcohol you can get a basic cabinet lock from a hardware store. If you have beer or other alcoholic drinks you can get a separate mini fridge and put a lock on it. Or better yet, don’t stock up. Only buy what you plan to drink that night. If you find yourself going to the store every day to buy alcohol for that night then it’s time for you to take a look at your own alcohol use. Drinking every night is never a good sign.

When it comes to prescription pills. Hide them or lock them up immediately. Go to your medicine cabinet right now look to see what pain pills you have. Any opioids like percocet, vicodin, tylenol 3, those need to be hidden or locked up right away. There are other pills that you should lock up too. Basically anything that can get you high like xanax, barbiturates, etc. If you’re unsure if your medication can get someone high a quick online search should help.

Some of you may be here because your kids are young and you want to make sure they grow up drug and alcohol free while others may be here because they suspect or they know their children are using drugs and alcohol and want to do something about it. Even if your kids are young or if they’re older and you know they haven’t used drugs or alcohol yet, this lecture is still important because there will be a time that you may suspect they’re using or have used in the past.

So if you think your kids are using drugs or alcohol it’s important to not overreact. I know it will be instinct to want to yell, scream, get mad, angry, etc. and those are very valid and normal feelings. The first thing you’ll want to do is investigate and get your facts before accusing. One of the worst things you can do is accuse your child of drinking or using drugs if they aren’t or haven’t.

So let’s say your child comes home and they have alcohol on their breath, they’re walking a little wobbly and slurring their words. Pause for a moment, take a deep breath and then confront them calmly. You might start the conversation like this:

Jack, you know I love you and I just want you to be honest. I'm not going to get mad right now and we can talk more about this tomorrow but have you been drinking today?

The reason you should say you will talk about it tomorrow is because you never want to lecture your kid when they are drunk or high. It won’t end well. Let them sober up and then talk to them.

Okay at that point your kid will tell the truth and you’ll have your facts or they will deny it. If they tell the truth, then thank them for their honesty. Follow through with your word, make sure they're safe, let them sleep it off and then talk to them the next day. It might mean going into work late and then being late to school but don’t put it off, make sure you talk to them as soon as they are in their right state of mind.

When you talk to them, try and figure out what happened. Try and stay unbiased and calm. You’ll want to try and get the 5 Ws from them.

Who were they with

What were they doing

When did this happen

Where did this happen

Why did they do it

How did they get access to it

To prevent this from going further it’s really important to get all the facts.

My personal experience and advice is to not punish them the first time it happens. As this usually results in overreacting by both parent and kid and can push your child even further and they’ll want to experiment even more. Instead, have the conversation, find out the 5 Ws, let them be and then take the information you have to tackle the situation.

you can tackle the WHEN by making a simple change in their schedule so that they’re not free during that specific time. You can tackle the how by making sure their source becomes unavailable. If they got alcohol from a friend’s parents, you should call them and talk to them, let them know. Chances are, they didn’t know either. Let’s say you find out that the reason they did it, the why, was because their friends were pressuring them. That’s important to know because then you’ll know that the biggest change you need to help them with is changing their social circle and we’ll talk about that later in the course as well. There’s a lot you can uncover from finding out the 5 Ws and a lot you can do to make changes to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

So let’s back up for a moment and talk about what to do if your child doesn’t admit it. Before accusing them without proof, you’ll want to start investigating until you do get proof and it’s important to get that proof so that they can’t deny it. Let’s say your child comes with home with bright red eyes, starts munching on snacks and then falls asleep. Chances are they’re smoking pot. Again, no need to overreact but you would need to step up and maybe search their room when they aren’t there, go through their coat pockets, drawers, back backpack and read their phone. Some of you may feel uneasy about this like it’s an invasion of privacy but please don’t feel like that. You are their parent and you want to raise them to be drug and alcohol free. This is your job and they will not hold it against you forever. They’ll understand at some point that this was all done out of love.

Once you find something, some sort of proof then find a time where you can talk about. Usually when kids deny it and then find out later that their parents have proof, they do get upset, they might get angry or sad but the important thing is to stay calm throughout the whole process. Let them feel the way they do, let them know you only did this because you care and that you want to talk through it, not punish them. From there, you can ease into the 5Ws.

That’s it for this section. I’ve given you some tools and ideas to use to help your children be drug and alcohol free. Now let’s move on to talking about your kids and evaluating their overall physical, psychological and social health and how that plays a role in drug and alcohol use or abuse.

Welcome to our next section. If you want to raise drug and alcohol free kids you need to look at the bigger picture. Not only are there specific things you can be doing and saying to your children but their overall physical health also plays a huge role in how their brain develops which is important for things like impulse control and decision making.In this section we are going to talk about your child’s physical activity, nutrition and sleep. Let’s get started.

Getting enough physical activity can be challenging for anyone, especially kids. However, it’s critical to make sure that your kid is getting enough physical activity. In fact according to a study that was held by the National Institute of Drug abuse showed that kids who were physically active were less likely to have an addiction to drugs or alcohol.

It is easier if you start at a young age, enrolling them in sports like soccer, gymnastics, swimming, karate, whatever they’re interested in so that when they get older you’re not taking them from 0 physical activity to suddenly having to be physically active 3-5 days per week. However, if your child isn’t currently getting physical activity outside of school it can still be accomplished and can end with good results.

I did just mention things like soccer and gymnastics but it’s also okay if your child isn’t interested in organized sports. There are lots of ways to keep them physically active and sometimes it requires thinking outside the box. What are things they enjoy doing? Some kids enjoy swimming for fun so taking time out to take them to the pool 3 times per week will get a similar result as having them join a swim club. Swimming is swimming. Some gyms offer kids programs, There’s rock climbing, hiking, belly dancing, just ask your kid what things they’d enjoy. If they can’t come up with anything on their own then offer suggestions and don’t stop until they can think of something they’re willing to do.

If your child is really resistant to physical activity, it’s okay. Here’s how you can work it in slowly.

Start by being their partner or making it a family affair. You can do things like hey I want to get healthy and I want you to start walking with me 1 mile 3 times per week. It’s a great way to start the process and get them talking during your walk. Then maybe increase it to going for a hike on Sundays. Then wherever there’s a new start to a season, like the start of a school year, the start of summer, or even in January you can start to put yoru foot down. You can do something like, “Hey, I’m going to create a rule that says you have to be involved in 1 extra curricular activity that involves physical fitness, your choice, but I’m making this mandatory and stick with it until they find something they like. I always encourage my kids to stick with whatever term is in their contact or whatever has been prepaid. If it’s a school sport then stick with it until the season is over. Then if they want to change to something else they are free to do so then.

Some kids do better on their own. There are all kinds of teen apps that cater to physical fitness. Maybe they just need a phone, an app, and some head phones and off they go. Just keep them active and you’ll be surprised at the results in their mood and of course when their mood is good it reduces the likelihood of them seeking drugs or alcohol. Let’s now talk about how this plays into their nutrition.

Another piece of the physical component is your child’s nutrition. This is important because if your child isn’t getting the right nutrition, their ability to make good decisions can be severely impacted.

We all start off wanting to feed our kids the very best but life happens. Some kids are super picky and having the food battle with them at a young age can be exhausting. But what happens, slowly overtime is that their taste buds get acclimated to whatever food is being served.

So if your child is young you can certainly make positive changes in their nutrition no matter how healthy you think they are now. This is important and will make a huge impact on their later teen years.

Good nutrition starts with eating a well balanced diet that doesn’t include sugar, sugary drinks, junk foods like donuts, candy, and so on. It doesn’t matter how big or how little your kid is, eating healthy is important. Do not try and pump them full of food just because you think they are on the smaller side. Kids eat when they’re hungry and if you’re consistently pushing them to eat when they’re not then that will eventually catch up with them once they start to hit puberty.

It’s much easier to keep the junk food away when they’re little then it is when they’re older. Start slow and make little changes each week. Cook from scratch when possible and avoid processed foods - so things that come out of a can or box should not be on the weekly menu. If you don’t know where to start then I would suggest looking online for healthy meals and start experimenting. Remember it takes about 7 times for a child to like something new just because they don’t like beans today doesn’t mean they’ll never like them. Be consistent.

Now as they get older it becomes almost impossible to control what they eat outside of the home but the good news is, you can control what they eat inside the home. So immediately if your kids are drinking juice or soda those drinks should be cut out today. Please do the research on this. These drinks can be detrimental to their long term as well as their mental and physical health now. Water should be the only beverage any child should drink past the age of two. All other nutrients should come from whole foods.

Go organic if possible and reduce the meat intake as well. Now if your kid is used to eating junk food on a daily basis, start small and while they may notice, it won’t be such a huge shock.

To start, write down your meals, breakfast, lunches, dinners and snacks. Take a highlighter and highlight all of the unhealthy things you purchase on a weekly basis; Doritos, cinnamon buns, soda, etc. then each week, switch out one of those items for something healthier. For example, you might make a switch from a high sugar cereal like lucky charms to a low sugar cereal like cheerios. You might switch out the Doritos for mixed nuts. But keep going and never stop. No matter where you think you are on the healthy eating spectrum there’s always room for improvement. Remember, you want your child to have a well rounded diet so that they can lead the best, healthiest life possible. In return they’ll have less brain fog and be able to make better decisions throughout their childhood.

Just like fitness and nutrition, sleep issues can predict drug and alcohol problems. Check out the resource I posted for more scientific information.

So let’s talk about this for a moment. Kids need a lot of sleep all the way through their teen years. If you start by establishing good sleep habits from the beginning, like physical activity and nutrition it’s easier to keep it going and they eventually become strong sleepers on their own. But there are certain things you can do as a parent to make sure your kids are getting enough sleep.

Lack of sleep is a huge problem especially for teens and when teens are overtired they don’t think clearly which can result in poor decision making.

So what can you do?

Like I just said start as young as possible but wherever you are right now, whatever stage you’re in you can start by making small changes.

Kids need more sleep than teens. Kids need 10 hours of sleep whereas teens need 8-10 hours of sleep each night. If your kid or teen isn’t waking up on their own in the morning with minimal issues it's a huge sign that they’re not going to bed early enough. All you need to do is to work backwards. What time do they need to wake up? If the answer is 7am and they’re 14 then they should be going to bed no later than 11pm. Most kids can’t just fall asleep immediately which means the bed process should start around 10pm.

No kid or teen should ever be allowed to sleep with their phone. If they are currently, no worries, just start slow like everything and ease into it. You can start by saying, phones off and plugged by 11pm, in their room and follow through with that every night. Then you can say, we’re moving all the phones to a central spot in the house and I want you to plug in your phone there every night by 11pm. Then slowly back it up to 10:45 then a few weeks later 10:30. If you suddenly go from letting them have their phone all night to not having at all they’ll rebel, it won’t be pretty so start there.

The other thing you’ll need to monitor is their television use. Do they have their TV on all night? If so, let them know you’ll be turning it off at 11pm, then work backwards from there until they are getting a solid 8-10 hours per sleep every night, depending on their age.

If your child or teen is having a problem getting to sleep after a solid routine or has a problem with insomnia you may want to take them to a doctor to get it checked out. Insomnia is real and can have devastating effects on the developing brain. You may need medical attention. But don’t immediately jump to that conclusion. When you start making changes to their sleep routine, it’s going to be tough at first and they will have a hard time with it but it should get easier as you go along. If it doesn’t after about a month then check in with your doctor to rule out any sleeping conditions.

Alright so that’s it on our section for physical health. As you have learned your child’s nutrition, fitness and sleep play a big role in them growing up to be drug and alcohol free. Making sure they get plenty of exercise, healthy food, and lots of sleep will ensure that they are living a well rounded childhood. But like we’ve been talking about that’s only a piece of the pie. Next up, we’re going to talk about their psychological health. Super important to let’s move on.

Now we’re going to dive into your child’s psychological health. In this section we’ll talk about your child’s mental health, how spirituality plays a role in decision making, and how to help your kid live intentionally. Let’s start with mental health.

There is something in the addiction field called co-occurring disorders. A co-occurring disorder is when someone is diagnosed with a mental health disorder as well as a substance use disorder. And with that there comes the chicken and the egg theory. It’s difficult to know sometimes what came first - did the person turn to drugs and alcohol because they were suffering from a mental health disorder or did their substance use cause them to have a mental health disorder. Either way, it’s important for you to understand your child’s mental health, nourish it and take action at the first sign of any issues.

If your child struggles with anxiety, ADHD, depression, or any type of mental health disorder they are more likely to turn to drugs and alcohol for relief, especially if they are misdiagnosed or undiagnosed. And that’s where you come into play as a parent.

Oftentimes, kids feel out of control or not supported because they aren’t getting the treatment they need for their mental health. For example, let’s say you’re 14 years old and you struggle with anxiety. You tell your parents that you get really nervous a lot or you have trouble breathing but you’re not able to say hey I have anxiety because you don’t know what anxiety is. Now let’s say your parents tell you that it’s normal to feel nervous and that you just need to suck it up. Then, you’re with a group of friends who are smoking weed and the joint gets passed to you. Reluctantly, you take a hit. Now you’re not super high but you notice something right away. All of a sudden your anxiety is gone, you’re not nervous, you’re relaxed, you’re comfortable, and you feel good. What then? Well, the next time it happens you won’t be so reluctant and before you know it you’re doing what it takes to get your own weed with your own money so that you can feel better. Now you can replace weed with any drug and any occasion. Take that same scenario for a kid who is constantly depressed but cocaine or ecstasy breaks them free of that or a kid who has past trauma and opioids helps them forget about it all.

Now, let’s say the situation is the same as above and that 14 year old kid goes to their parents and says hey I get really nervous, my heart beats fast and so on. If the parent sits down with them, takes them seriously, schedules an appointment with a mental health professional and the kid gets the help they need for their anxiety, when that joint comes around they may yes, take a hit but it’s not going to have the same impact. Their anxiety is already being taken care of so the likelihood of them craving that feeling of being free from anxiety diminishes greatly.

So as a parent, from an early age, you need to be cognizant of the fact that your child may be struggling and at the first sign of any mental health struggle it’s important to take action and not ignore it. Not all kids need medication either so I’m not necessarily saying that as there are many ways to treat mental health such as therapy, counseling and if needed then yes, medication but that’s up to you and the mental health professional. The important thing is that you’re taking care of it and not pushing it under the rug.

Now what about those who don’t exhibit any mental health struggles. Does that mean they won’t turn to drugs and alcohol? Absolutely not. It’s a statistical game here. Your job is to reduce the likeliness of them turning to drugs and alcohol before they are an adult.

Also, there are ways you can help their mental health even if it’s not to a point where they are diagnosed with anything as we all know we can have situational struggles such as a death in the family, loss of a pet, a huge exam coming up, bullying, etc. Those situations should not be ignored either. Even if your child doesn’t warrant the need for a mental health professional you can still cradle their mental health by talking, spending extra time together during tough times and just being there to support them through whatever it is they’re going through. If you’re ever unsure though it doesn’t ever hurt to ask for a professional opinion. See you in the next lecture.

Religions and spirituality can be a very touchy subject and I promise to not make this a debate or go into details about what I believe or don’t believe. However, I do want to address this topic because it certainly does make a huge impact on kids and teens especially those who may be thinking about using drugs or alcohol or those who are in an environment where they are continuously exposed to drugs and alcohol.

What I do know is that teens whose parents don’t allow them to explore their own ideologies often reject, resent or even rebel when a parent or parents push their own beliefs or agendas.

If you want your kid to respect your religious or spiritual beliefs then you need to respect theirs and in order to do that you need to give them the freedom to explore different ideas and ways of thinking.

There’s no doubt that kids who have a strong connection to a god, higher power, or even science are less likely to engage in risky behaviors but it’s only those who are able to intrinsically come to a conclusion and not what is being forced upon them.

Now you might be thinking well I don’t force my kid to go to church or to believe what I believe, and that’s fine but start thinking about this from a little bit of a deeper level. Sometimes it’s not just the big picture like not making your kid go to church or not forcing them to pray, meditate, etc. but more about the feelings they feel when they don’t meet your spiritual or religious expectations. If they feel shame because they’re not living in the same spiritual space as you then that can cause them to seek out other ways to not feel shame.

So the purpose of this lecture is to get you to look at things from a larger perspective. Let your kid believe what they want and support that belief. When they feel supported they feel heard and understood and that can make a huge impact on the decisions that they make in regards to drugs and alcohol.

Living intentionally is a concept that can be jaded or masked. Although so many factors come into play as a person’s history and personality play a major role in one’s ability to live their life intentionally, it’s important to know that as a parent you can play a huge role in this both hindering and helping them achieve the ability to make strong decisions about how they want to live their life.

When a baby is born we do everything for them right? We feed them, we change them, they depend on us 100%. As they get older they start to develop a mind of their own. They choose things like I want the purple block and not the blue block or I like spider man not batman. As a parent, though, your influence plays a huge role in how they perceive things. For example, have you ever noticed that kids who have parents who love football also love football. Now, how much of that is nature and how much of that in nurture? Take that same kid and move them to a different culture or even give them different parents and they might like rugby or baseball more.

My point is, as they start to think about their dreams and goals, it’s important to nourish the things they want to do not push what you want to see them do. I know that’s a lot easier said than done but it’s important and I’ll tell you why.I work with teens who deal with substance abuse and one of the things I hear over and over again is how they felt their parents pushed them to do things they didn’t want to do. They were afraid to speak up and felt ashamed when they didn’t succeed or intrinsically have the passion or drive they felt they were expected to have. In turn, what happens? They rebel, they go out with their friends and look for validation elsewhere.

So take a step back to really think about your kid and what they are doing now. Are they in ballet because you think it’s cute or is it something they genuinely want to do? What if your son told you he wanted to be a singer instead of a football player? What should you do? Don’t stress, sign him up for singing lessons! Remember, keeping them engaged and happy in the things they love doing will keep them out of trouble and in situations where they are looking for that external validation.

That’s it for our section on psychological health. We talked about your child’s mental health and what to do if they’re struggling. We talked about spirituality and how to help your child live intentionally. Thank you for sticking with this course for as long as you have. I know I’ve covered a lot of information and we still have more to go but if you do have any questions about what’s been covered so far, please reach out in the Q&A and we’re happy to help. See you in the next lecture when we talk about your child’s social circle.

Alright moving right along! Let’s now get into the social side of things. In this section, we’re going to talk about how family, friends, and classmates plays a role in drug and alcohol use or abuse. Let’s start with family.

Rarely ever do I talk to teens who struggle with drugs or alcohol who say I had a perfect upbringing with perfect parents and none of my childhood had anything to do with my drug or alcohol use. That’s not to say that for some that may absolutely be the case but for most, teens who struggle with drug or alcohol use also struggled at some point with their family.

Now you are here, taking this course, so you’re 90% ahead of the game and you’re here because you care and because you want what’s best for your kid or kids. So I want you to take some time to think about your child’s upbringing, up to this point. Note any struggles they may have had with you or with other members of the family. One thing you should never do is brush those struggles off no matter how little or insignificant they may seem to you. Even kids who don’t use drugs or alcohol have family struggles so don’t I don’t want you to feel like your kid is doomed just because they’ve had a hard time with you or someone else. But what I do want you to do is think about your kids’ relationship with you and their other parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings. What’s been their biggest struggle and start from there.

For example, my friend, a single mom, has had a rocky relationship with her son mostly because of his outbursts and her reaction to those outbursts but those arguments and fights were just between her and her son and other family members were not affected. When her son started drinking alcohol around age 15 I suggested that she go to counseling to work on her relationship with her and her son, first, and then see how she can help her son with dealing with his dad not being around. Once they started working on those two things, things got better, issues were addressed and he graduated last year from UCLA and is working full time as a software engineer. That’s the short story and just an example of how working on family issues may have a huge impact. What she admitted later on and what surprised her the most was how affected her son was by his dad leaving the country. He didn’t seem upset, mad or affected at all but subconsciously was taking his anger out on her. Once they got that all sorted everything started to get better.

So whatever may be going on, it’s important to address these issues at a bare minimum, by opening up and taking time to talk through them. If you think counseling is necessary then I would highly recommend that. There could be internal feelings that just aren't’ ready to come out and a professional can help with that.

Okay so now let’s talk about friends.

Your child’s friends will have a huge impact, if not the most impact on their drug or alcohol use. We know that not every kid who tries drugs or alcohol will have a problem but I want to remind you of the end goal here. From a harm reduction standpoint, you want to extend their age of first use to be as old as possible, preferably adults so that their decision making abilities will be greater.

So how can you keep your child from experimenting when their friend’s around them are moer than likely going to. This task may seem impossible but it’s not.

Staying in the right social circles starts from a young age; like preschool age. This is not an exaggeration or an overreaction but if you help your child choose their friend’s wisely when they are younger their social circles should remain similar as they age. Now I know there are circumstances that not every parent can control such as needing to move, divorces, deaths, etc. but the values that you instill from a young age will definitely make an impact.

As they get older, they will start making their own choices and choices of friends and this is where it starts to get tricky and there’s a fine balance. You don’t want to come across as too overbearing because then they’ll resist but a hands off approach can be just as detrimental.

We talked earlier about extracurriculars and keeping your kids busy and that’s something that seeps into friendships. Really capitalize on the right friendships and do your best to help them steer away from the friends that you have a bad feeling about.

Go out of your way to make sure your child gets social time with those who are on the right path - band friends, sports friends, etc. Those friends who share similar interests with your kid, dance, scouts, and so on. But put blockers on those social situations that come up where there are friends involved that you have a bad feeling about. For example, let’s say your daughter started hanging out with Sarah who has a reputation for getting into trouble. Let’s say this weekend Sarah is having a party and wants your daughter to come. It’s important to have little excuses in your pocket. So there’s two ways to approach the situation and this would all boil down to how adaptable your daughter is to you saying no. First, you could try the no, we already have something planned that I forgot to tell you about - we’re going to the movies or we’re going out to eat, or we’re going to grandmas, etc. Just think of something on the fly, yet it’s always been in your back pocket. This way, the thing you do will distract them from not going to the party. However, every kid is different and your daughter may have the type of personality where if you say no it will ruin their life - metaphorically of course. In situations like that maybe you could compromise - letting her know that you already had something planned and they have a choice, go to the party but leave early or don’t go to the party at all. That way it will look like you’re willing to work with your daughter to find a solution. Leaving a party early will minimize the likelihood of drug or alcohol use - they know you’re coming and typically drug or alcohol use starts later in the night.

On the flip side, let’s say your son is really involved in a drama club and his drama friends want to hang out and go to town that’s an hour away. You trust these kids, they are good kids but the thought of driving so far just sounds annoying. Do it anyway. You know why? Because if they’re getting the social interaction they need from a good level headed, non drug using friends they’ll be less likely to seek out other situations. You want to help them build stronger friendships.

As your kids get older it’s going to be harder and probably one of the hardest things to navigate as a parent, especially once they reach driving age and so on, but don’t give up. As much as you’ll want to say ya just be home at curfew, it’s important to know what’s going on in their life at all times and pick up on signs where drug or alcohol use may be present.

You are the parent and as a parent it is your job to keep tabs on your kid at all times. It’s not snooping to go through their phone and read their messages. They don’t need to know you’re doing it - you can do it simply by getting software or reading through it when they’re asleep at night but you want to make sure what they're doing isn’t heading them down the wrong path. If you don’t keep tabs on them both in person and online you’ll never be able to spot the early signs. The worst thing you can do when you have a teenager is to feel comfortable. I know it’s exhausting but it won’t last forever and the harder you work at keeping at it the benefits of them not using drugs or alcohol will certainly pay off.

If you know a kid who had a drug or alcohol problem as a teen, I can almost guarantee you that you’ll be able to think about their parent’s involvement and how they weren’t able to spot the signs early enough but could have. Kids and especially teens are very good at hiding what they do and when they do it. But you need to be one step ahead of them at all times - know who their friends are, know where they are, get to know their friend’s parents, encourage strong friendships with good kids and don’t be afraid to snoop.

Let’s now talk about classmates and how school and classmates may impact their choices on drug and alcohol use.

Alright let’s dive right in and talk now about how your kid’s classmates could be affecting their drug and alcohol use. Drug abuse education has gotten a lot of flack over the years especially in America with the failed war on drugs and the failed DARE program. - If you are a child of the 90s you probably remember DARE and the abstinence based approach and the figures were proven that the program was just not effective.

It doesn’t matter what school your kid goes to, they will encounter their peers talking about drugs and this could make a big impact. Your child might hear about these really fun experiences their classmates are having and may try to get their own friends to dabble. Or your child could be that friend - their friend who was on the pretty straight and narrow now might have an interest in experimenting.

There’s not much you can do about this and that’s the most frustrating part as a parent. However, what you can do though is continue to have the conversations about drugs and alcohol and ask questions. LIke hey Does anyone in your class drink? Or has anyone in your class ever mentioned marijuan or cocaine? Continue to talk and continue to ask, a lot. Once you start getting information it can then lead to a deeper conversation.

For example, here’s something that happened with my own son. I was talking to him about alcohol and he mentioned that a boy in his class is always having parties and everyone goes out with him on the weekends. First off I made a mental note of the boy just in case he suddenly wants to be friends with him. Then the conversation led to hearing a rumor about one of the girls getting too drunk and having to have her friends carry her home. We then had a long conversation about black outs and not being in control and hangovers with headaches and vomiting. The stuff kids don’t see.

So just remember, you can’t control what they see and hear but you can control the conversations you have and if you steer those conversations strategically you could be the one that helps them make smarter decisions as they progress through their teenage years.

Alright that’s it for our section on your child’s social circle. We talked about family, friends, and classmates. We still have a few more sections left so hang in there because it’s all very important. If you have any questions or comments about your child’s social circles, please reach out in the Q&A. See in the next section.

Welcome to our next section. In this section we’re going to touch on money and how the money you give your kid’s may contribute to easier access for drugs and alcohol and we’re also going to talk about you! You have to take care of yourself as well - you can’t pour from an empty cup. Let’s get started

Okay so I’m going to be honest and just let you know that this topic often comes with heated and divided opinions but I think it’s soooo important to get right so I really want to talk about it. Money. The tricky thing is, is that not every kid who gets money is going to use it to buy drugs or alcohol and while that’s true it’s also true that there are kids who get cash or an allowance and do use it to buy drugs or alcohol. I mean think about this - every kid who doesn’t have a job and who uses drugs or alcohol gets their money somewhere right? Most of the time it’s from their parents.

I’m not going to debate on whether or not kids should get an allowance because ultimately that’s a parenting decision not a drug or alcohol prevention decision. However, I do want to talk about ways that you can make sure your kids aren’t using the money you give them to buy things they shouldn’t, like drugs or alcohol.

There’s a few ways you can approach this and really it’ll all boil down to personal choice and age of your kids.

One thing I can tell you though, anytime you give your kids cash, there is always going to be a possibility that they’ll use to buy drugs or alcohol. I mean try to think about your teenage years - I know we have all ourselves or at least known people to use their lunch money or allowance or even trick their parents into giving them money for something school related and then get a bag of weed, coke, some ecstasy pills, alcohol, whatever. Right?

So one approach is this. Don’t do allowance. I know you may be thinking well how am I going to teach my kids about money then? Well you can be creative, maybe come up with a point system or amazon credits. One family I know has points for chores and each point is worth $1.00. When they get to $20.00 they take their kid shopping for whatever they want. Another family I know does amazon credits. So instead of an allowance they set up an amazon account for their kids and load up their amazon cart with gift cards and then the kids can spend the money whenever they need to.

If you feel like your child may need cash for going out with their friends - like maybe food or they want to buy snacks after school or whatever it is you would give them money for - buy them a prepaid visa card or a Monzo card. This way you can track their spending.

And that goes without saying really about school lunches as I think most schools have done away with cash anyway but if your kids’ school still does cash then be sure to switch to the card payment for their lunches.

Also, some kids get cash from their grandparents or family for birthdays or Christmas. You can either ask them to load it onto their cards instead or each time that happens just tell your kids that you need the cash and then load the money onto their cards for spending.

You see, you can still teach your kids about money and you’re free to come up with whatever system works best for your family but it does boil down to this: don’t give your kids cash.

Let’s talk about you! Self-care is so important. No matter where you’re at with your own life, it’s important that you take care of yourself or you won’t have anything left to give, especially as they get older and it gets harder - and trust me it will get harder.

We all know that as a parent we can’t give up right and while most parents start with the best of intentions sometimes giving up just happens. And I don’t mean giving up in a sense of giving up love, time, or meeting their physical needs. I mean giving up mentally.

I work with a lot of parents who have said, I work 40 hours per week to provide for my kid, they have everything they need. I don’t understand why this is happening. After exploring more it usually comes out that the parent is exhausted from working so much and when it comes to the hard stuff like taking away privileges, being on top of things like fitness, exercise, sleep, phones, friends, etc. they just are too tired to give so much and rightfully so! When you get off work the last thing you want to do is to fight with your kid about bedtime or about eating healthier or where they’ve been. But what really needs to happen, is that you need to figure out a way to not be so exhausted and to do that it’s important to take care of your own self - practice what you preach.

Are you living your best life? Do you get enough sleep? Do you eat healthy and exercise? Do you take time out to things that are just for you? If you’re not working on yourself you can’t possibly have anything else left to give. If you focus on yourself you’ll be amazed how that trickles through. By being consistent with your own self you can be consistent with your parenting too.

And it’s important to think outside the box here too. Things like going on a family hike or mother-daughter spa day - that kills two birds with one stone. You’re spending quality time with your kid but also you're taking care of yourself too.

So to start, make a schedule for yourself and see where in your life you can improve upon. Take time each day to reflect - you can journal, meditate, or whatever appeals to you but your life as you is just as important as your life as a parent. You deserve this and remember this always; you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Let’s be honest. Some kids are just really good at hiding things and drugs and alcohol can be hidden well but that doesn’t mean you can’t be aware and know what to do look for. So let’s start with the two most common; alcohol and marijuana.

We talked earlier about locking up your alcohol but you’re human and if you forget that’s normal. However, if you notice that your clear alcohol is tasting a little watered down or you’re missing beers, chances are, if you have teens in the house - they’re stealing it. Now if you confront them they will deny it as it’s human nature to do so or they’ll blame it on their friends but there are two things you can do here. You can lock it up so it never happens again and let it be or you can put a camera in, if you really want to catch them doing it. One thing you should not do though is confront them if you don’t have proof. I say this, because you won’t argue and it’s not worth getting into an argument over something you can’t prove. So if proving it is important to you then you’ll need to do something about it. However, in my experience, it’s better for the parent to lock up their liquor and not confront their child. However with that being said, you’ll then know to be on extra high alert. If they have friends spend the night - check the trash for empty bottles of alcohol. Other things to keep an eye out for in regards to alcohol is glossy eyes, loss of balance and slurred speech. Watch your kid when they come home from friend’s houses and if they go straight to their room or straight to the bathroom to brush their teeth that’s a red flag. I always have this rule when my kids come home - before doing anything they come into the living room and talk to me - they say hi, tell me what they’ve been up to and then off they go. STart this habit before any suspecting behavior and then they won’t feel like suddenly they’re under the radar. It’ll feel normal to them. Another thing is about this approach is that if they know they have to face you face to face and there’s no way of getting around that, it may deter them from drinking or trying anything. I promise you - there are kids out there that say “no I can’t, I have to go home and my mom would kill me. “ Let that be your kid. We talked earlier in this course on how to approach the situation if they do come home drunk but for this lecture I just want you to be aware on how to spot it early so that if it something you can address you can address it before it becomes a major problem.

As far as marijuana goes - same thing - look at the eyes - if they’re bloodshot. Also, notice things like if your kids are coming home with eye drops to help them clear their eyes, if they’re overly snacky - I know this is tricky because all kids love to snack to if they do raid the fridge after school it’s not necessarily a sign of them being high it’s just important to watch out for abnormal snacking behavior. If they fall asleep at a non-normal hour.

Self-disclosure - when I was 15 I took a hit from a bong at a friend’s house - they were like oh come on just do it you’ll be fine with one hit. Well that one hit made me high as a kite. I remember going home and raiding the snacks. My mom wasn’t home at the time but I went to my room, fell asleep and didn’t wake up until after dinner. My mom checked on me and said I was passed out. I said I was just really tired. But looking back, what I can remember is that it was abnormal for me. I didn’t usually sleep after school and I had never been one to pass out or sleep heavy. That should have been a warning sign.

Again, not saying these are absolutes but just saying look for change in behaviors. Sudden drop in grades, hanging out with different friends, and so on.

Now there are other drugs obviously and things to look for - crystal meth for example you’d notice an unusual amount of energy, no sleeping, no eating, changes in appearance. Or opioids you’d notice a dazed or lazy look, random nodding off, lack of energy, zoning out,

Because there are so many drugs out there it’s important to educate yourself on the different drugs and what they do. YOu can go to sites like drugabuse.gov and read up on the effects different drugs have. The more you know the better.

Okay so now that you know what to look for, what do you do about it? Well we talked earlier about how not to approach the situation when they are drunk or high - it becomes ineffective and counterproductive so no matter how hard it is try to hold back and wait until the morning unless of course you feel like your kid did too much and in that case always call 911 if you feel they are in immediate danger especially if they are incoherent. Remember they can die from drugs or alcohol so always be cognizant of that. But you don’t want to address the consequences until you know you can get their undivided attention.

Earlier we also talked about the 5Ws who, what , when where and why. So stick to that and revisit that lecture if needed. However, even the most involved parents can still just get unlucky and have a kid who may struggle with an addiction. If you feel like you’ve exhausted all options and done everything you can then it might be time to seek outside help. But I want to empower you first to really think about whether or not your child actually needs professional help or if this is more that you can try first.

Let me give you an example, I had a client once whose son was struggling with marijuana and alcohol. She felt like she had tried everything - we talked about all the main things we talked about there: communication, their physical health, mental health, and so on. We then talked about money and she said they weren’t getting any money from her but his friends had no problem giving him money when needed. It turns out he was selling weed and was using that money to buy more weed and alcohol. So I asked her to walk me through on what he does on the weekends. She said he would go out on Friday and Saturday nights and would just come home whenever usually got past curfew with excuses and then he’d sleep all day Sunday. I asked her what her consequence was for him when he was late for curfew and she said she didn’t have any because on one hand she was just thankful he was coming home and on the other hand he would just get really mad when she would try to implement anything.

I then asked about the one thing kids just can’t go without: their phone and she said she wanted him to have the phone so she could get ahold of him. Fair enough.

So here’s the plan we came up with together and she implemented:

He misses curfew one more time and he’s grounded from his phone for the whole week. I know it’s hard and the week will be hell but you have to implement these consequences or the behavior will continue. So he missed curfew Saturday night - she took the phone away until Friday. The week was horrible for her. He was horrible to her every single day and you know what? That’s okay. You have to think of the bigger picture here. Your adult child isn’t going to hold against you the fact that you took their phone away for a week. They will get over it.

So come Friday, he was surprisingly on time for curfew. That was a great start but it certainly didn’t address the drug and alcohol issue other than him not having a phone for a week to make deals but that was a start. By taking the phone away, she was able to find out that he was dealing. But she didn’t address that at the moment. The curfew was step one. Step two was him coming home drunk or high and having a consequence for that. That happened once - he came home drunk and the consequence for that wasn’t taking away the phone but being grounded the following weekend. And she followed through. So now he was coming home on time and not drunk or high. This was step 2.

Step 3 - she did finally confront him about his dealing but low and behold, while implementing even more things like signing him up for a winter ski trip, taking him out more - the movies and shopping, the selling started to dwindle. People who buy weed don’t want to buy from dealers who aren’t available every second and that’s what she was able to accomplish.

His grades started to improve gradually and their relationship started to be more open and honest. This entire process though wasn’t a quick fix. All this happened over about a span of a year. The next year - his senior year - he started to focus on school and college and to my knowledge, he’s on track and ready to graduate this year.

It’s not easy, it’s messy and very hard.

I’m telling you this story because I want you to feel like before you go down the rehab train that you have done everything in your power. When kids go to rehab, while yes it might be needed, but it does expose them to other kids who also struggle with drugs and alcohol and oftentimes they become friends after and then get caught up all over again. If you can solve the problem at home first, the outcome will be that much better.

With that being said, addiction is a very real thing and some kids do need rehab. Let’s talk next about whether or not your child may need rehab and how to go about it.

Welcome to the next lecture. Okay so in the last lecture we talked about what to do if your child is using drugs or alcohol. Once you’ve worked through all those suggestions and nothing is working you may need to think about professional help. It’s important to try your hardest before seeking out professional care because statistically speaking, not all kids who use drug or alcohol have a problem; in fact most don’t. However, there’s still a slight possibility that you child does have a problem and professional help may be your next step.

Most parents when they catch their kids drinking too much or using drugs they immediately think rehab. While it is necessary in some cases you should follow these steps before taking such a big leap. And I’ll tell you why you want to avoid rehab if possible.

When kids go to rehab they are surrounded by other kids who also have a drug or alcohol problem. Because most kids don’t go to rehab voluntarily it means that most of the kids don’t have the drive or ambition to actually get sober and stay sober. They’re just there because they have to be there. They are then exposed to other kids who are into drugs or alcohol and phone numbers are often exchanged the moment they get out - they meet up with their new friends they made in rehab and the cycle continues. Not only that, 12-step programs are often recommended for after-care and most 12-step programs are with adults. It’s difficult to think what it might be like having your child exposed to adults who also struggle with drugs and alcohol. Relapse rates are especially high as well. However, that’s not to say that some kids need rehab to save their life and that’s when rehab is absolutely necessary.

So let’s say you’ve done everything in this course - especially including taking the phone away and so on but your child finds a way still and just can’t seem to stop no matter how hard you try.

Step 1: Make an appointment with a therapist. Let the therapist assess the situation as a professional and they will be able to give you their professional opinion on whether or not rehab is necessary. Oftentimes, therapy uncovers something deep and once that’s resolved, the drugs and alcohol stop. But if your therapist does recommend rehab then you should move forward with that option.

Step 2: Have the big talk - at this point, there still may be a chance your child will change. You need to have a talk with them and lay it all out on the table. Make it hard hitting - like letting them know they’ll be missing school or changing schools, it’s often not very comfortable as they have to share rooms and bathroom and it’s not generally a pleasant experience. But give them the opportunity to make that change. If they are not wanting to go then you can give them a chance but let them know that they’ll be drug tested. By an at-home drug testing kit and drug test them every 3 days to begin with and then random drug tests when you feel it’s necessary. If they refuse the drug test then they go to rehab. If it comes back positive then they go to rehab. No more second chances and then be sure to follow through.

Step 3: If rehab is moving forward it’s important to know where they’re going to go, how much it’s going to cost and whether or not you can afford it. If you can’t afford it, is there a way to get a loan or borrow the money? Find out what options you may have in your state or county. You can often find this information via search engine and most states have a drug and alcohol helpline so you can get more information. Just do the research ahead of time and be ready to act when necessary.

Step 4: Follow through. If you say they’re going to rehab, then they go to rehab. Not following through with your words is enabling them to continue to do what they’re doing.

Step 5: Forgive. Forgive your child and most importantly forgive yourself. If you get to the rehab stage there’s nothing else you could have done. Some kids just need these hard hitting situations in order to understand the severity of it all. It’s important for their success and yours to be able to forgive and then support them in their recovery.

Step 6: I know this isn’t possible for everyone but if you can. Move. Rehab is going to expose them to so many people you really don’t want them hanging around post-rehab. Also, it’s important to get away from the people who were there helping put them in this situation to begin with. Another consideration would be to change their phone number and not give it to them until they’re out of rehab. Take their old phone away. I know kids will write down numbers and there’s not much you can do about that but it’s just another barrier so they don’t have easy access.

Step 7: Rewatch and Redo this course. Start implementing all these steps again and hopefully this time it will stick.

Just remember, if it gets this far, it’s not your fault. It does happen and the best thing you can do is to not give up, stay strong and be sure to get help for yourself.

That’s it for this section. We talked about money, self-care and  how to spot drug and alcohol use and what to do. We also talked about whether or not your child may need rehab. That was our last lecture and in the next section we will conclude this course.

Welcome to Day 1 of 30 days to sobriety success! We're talking nutrition and healthy eating + how it impacts recovery.

Mastering your mental health is day 2 of 30 days to sobriety success. The ability to regulate thoughts, emotions and staying mentally strong is what sets you up for long term success.

Most peole don't realise just how much their family impacts their chances of a successful recovery. This is day 3 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Setting a quit date - is it really that important? YES! Find out why in day 4 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Ugh! The gym. It's the worst for most people but fitness is really important to a successful recovery. So, what can you do? Watch day 5 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Developing a deeper spiritual practice has been shown to support your addiction recovery journey. Watch day 6 of 30 days to sobriety success to find out more.

Sometimes your friend group can actually be really bad for your sobriety. Find out who the good friends and bad friends are and what to do about them in Day 7 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Does everyone relapse? What you need to know! This is day 8 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Did you know that work can be a major reason for struggling during sobriety? It's true! Welcome to day 9 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

You made it! This is day 10 of 30 days to sobriety success and we're talking about people, places and things. You're going to love this one!

Sleep. We all need it and chances are you aren't getting enough of it. But... did you know it impacts your sobriety? Watch more in Day 11 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Intentional living is a powerful, powerful thing. It gives you complete dominion and domain over your life. Something you DEFINITELY need in sobriety. Day 12 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

If you want to succeed in being sober for the long term you have got to learn how to manage triggers like a FRIGGIN BOSS. You're watching day 13 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

What on earth does H.A.L.T. mean and why should you be paying attention to it? Find out in Day 14 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success

Wait...why does keeping your home clean make any difference to your ability to get and stay sober? Keeping your living space clean has plenty of benefits. Let's dive in to 30 Days of Sobriety Success Day 15

Sugar. Look it isn't great for you under normal circumstances but when you're suffering from addiction it can be easy to succumb to its dangers. We'll talk through what these are in Day 16 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success

n Day 17 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success, we're examining the powerful activity of journaling. I really recommend to everyone that they journal regularly and here are some reasons why!

You've got to be mentally prepared and ready for sobriety. It's hard work to get and stay in recovery so preparing a strong mind is key to your success.

Reading is a powerful way to up your personal understanding of life. Reading also helps you feel better too!

One persons crisis is not the same as another. So, how do you get crisis support in times of need? Who can you reach out to when your sober journey is under attack?

There are lots of ways to get help with your addiction and online addiction recovery programs have exploded thanks to the pandemic. But will an online support program actually help you?

Like the title of this video says, sometimes you just want to connect with someone in person. If that's you, then you need to do what is necessary to make that happen. It's crucial for your recovery so make an effort to ensure it becomes a reality.

Money. It's critically important in todays society and very important for anyone in recovery. Get your finances in order so you can start making real progress on your life goals.

Everyone today wants instant results. Social media has fueled us to believe that we can get everything we want in a short time. However, going slow and steady is the foundation of recovery from drug and alcohol or even porn abuse.

Grief comes in many different shapes and sizes. People often feel as though grief is just relegated to the loss of a loved one or a pet. Grief is actually more complex than that so lets dig in and find out how it affects addiction and recovery.

It's time to talk about how to be sober around drunk people and enjoy it. It's a hard topic to cover but you need to know what it will be like when you are having to spend time around other people who may be partaking in your addiction and you are in recovery.

Sobriety can be a dangerous thing - sometimes you find yourself trading one addiction for another. Find out why that's a potential problem in today's video.

What is a dry drunk and how do you know if you are one? Here are some signs that you're actually dry drunk right now and what to do about it.

What's the point of being sober? We get asked this question ALL the time.

It's the final day of our 30 Days to Sobriety Success series and it's the most important one - TAKE ACTION! That's right - none of this means ANYTHING if you can't or won't take the action needed.

This meditation encompasses multiple areas: your physical health, your social health and of course self-love. If you enjoy this meditation then check out my course titled, "Meditation for Addiction and Recovery."

Wow, what a journey! I’m really proud of you for taking the time out of your schedule to tackle this heavy subject. I hope you found this course helpful. As you start to implement these strategies, it’s important to stick with it and revisit any lecture if you need a refresher. If you have any questions or comments please feel free to post in the Q&A. Thank you again and I look forward to hearing about your progress!