Parenting Spirited, Strong-Willed Kids

This overview introduces essential concepts to the Win-Win way—a concise and effective method to help kids feel good about themselves and learn to have respect for others. Over a thousand families with three to ten-year-old children have successfully used this program to make a shift. Parents typically report a dramatic improvement in their child’s behavior within a few weeks’ time.

The other good news is that, even though you’ll benefit greatly as a parent, it won’t be at your child’s expense. With this approach, they can wind up being happier, more loving, less hyper, have a higher self-esteem and feel less guilty and anxious. With strong-willed kids you can’t just be a good parent. You have to be a great parent, and you can do it!All you have to do is learn new tools and carry out the elements of the program for it to work.

In this lecture you will understand the importance of dealing with family feelings in constructive ways, issues around sleep, and important implications for parenting that are derived from the latest brain research.

This module lays out the keys to success with parenting strong-willed kids and helps parents understand a variety of ways to turn things around. We examine the factors that may be contributing to problematic interactions, and parents are provided with a checklist of constructive alternatives to conflict and upset.

• Learning why spanking, yelling and repeating yourself are ineffective

• Applying principles drawn from brain research and the discovery of mirror neurons

• Understanding the nature of your child’s competing ”sub-selves”

• Factoring in the differences between kids who are acting out at home and/or school settings

One of the most important challenges that families face is the handling of upsets, particularly when kids are “testing.” Parents will learn how to avoid emotional flooding and how to express feelings in constructive ways—creating an atmosphere of healthy detachment and harmony.

• Learning how to access, manage and express feelings in helpful ways

• Understanding the advantages of operating from a place of healthy detachment

• Practicing the balance between too little and too much expression of feelings

• Knowing and applying the benefits of crying, exercise, and sleep.

This module begins with a summary of the research on ten keys to happy healthy families. After scoring their family assessment tests, parents will gain a clearer picture as to their family’s strengths as well as areas to place attention. Through numerous case examples there will be an emphasis on the importance of teamwork, structure and consistency.

• Taking, scoring and analyzing the Current Family Assessment

• Building the parenting team and creating rules and age-appropriate limits

• Learning how to proceed when parenting partners aren’t on the same page

• Facing and handling the challenges of screen time

Research shows that kids thrive under the condition of having five times as many positive interactions with their parents as negative ones. This module will lay out the different forms of praise that can have very different outcomes. Then parents will be guided in the creation and implementation of a highly effective star chart.

• Understanding how and why to use positive incentives but avoid material rewards

• Involving kids in the creation of a star chart that is uniquely tailored to their needs

• Scheduling the awarding of stars and the time for your child to cash them in

• Using paradox, reverse psychology and humor to enhance motivation

Although positive efforts can be powerful, it is usually insufficient to parent strong-willed children with incentives and kindness alone. This module describes a powerful means of giving kids mild, caring and effective consequences and includes video demonstrations of the procedures.

• Discovering the importance of brief, timely and mild forms of consequences

• Learning a timeout procedure that helps develop skills of emotional self-regulation

• Understanding what to do when your child refuses to accept or stay in time out

• Creating a collaborative agreement with your child and a bridge to the new procedures

Very important to the Win-Win Way is the attitude with which parents introduce and explain things to their child—creating a context of fun, humor, warmth, and working together as a team. This module lays out the themes for discussion and concludes with parents playfully challenging their child through the use of reverse psychology.

• Deciding when to begin and roll things out in the family meeting

• Making apologies, leveling the playing field, and modeling humility and respect

• Sharing goals, creating a new family team and agreeing upon rules

• Playfully role-playing the new form of time out and back up

In this final module we will address the most common challenges to implementing and following through with the Win-Win Way— putting all of the pieces of the puzzle together. We will discuss additional factors that lead to successful outcomes and provide guidelines for a number of special circumstances or unique challenges that you might be facing. Extra time will be afforded for questions and answers.

• Uncovering and overcoming the effects of how you were parented

• Setting limits with kids in stepfamilies, single parent families, and co-parenting with your ex

• Implementing additional steps to take with sleep, exercise, and medical issues

• Learning how to explore additional resources and knowing when to seek professional help