iGNLP™ Certified NLP Master Practitioner

Understanding others is essential to being able to build relationships with them, whether at work or in a casual situation. But differences can get in the way of that if we aren’t careful.

How we see the world is not the same as reality because we all have a unique viewpoint. Understanding that distinction is key to understanding other people and accepting their differences.

The external reality isn’t affected by our different ways of processing it. All the differences are going on internally which the ABC model of emotions and personality can explain.

Meta programs are the filters we look through when interpreting and responding to the world. We use them so much they can become unconscious but we still have the ability to change them.

We can read different things about people. There is what we see on the outside then what we find when we read deeper into their internal world. In our everyday lives, we tend to stick to surface level reading.

Identifying patterns is one thing. Finding the meaning of those patterns is another. We need both skills to be able to interpret the world properly and develop our understanding.

Some work does go into understanding other people’s meta programs. This work is worthwhile though because it will benefit your interactions. The more we understand people, the more we can get on with them.

Being able to identify meta programs in other people takes some practice. These methods will give you some advice on what to do and how to get the most out of the information you collect.

There are certain things you need to know about meta programs before you can work with them. Having the right mindset about other people’s meta programs will allow you to respond to them more effectively.

Meta programs don’t always work in the way you assume they will. You need to be aware of the continuum, context, mental-emotional state, changeability and more.

Reading people is something that needs to be practiced but if you go about it in the right way, you will be successful. We have to learn to pick up on things we don’t usually pay attention to.

Exploring mental meta programs in more detail will show how we think, sort and perceive information. There are different patterns to do all of this within such as varying chunk sizes.

There are certain cues you can spot to understand whether someone is an inductive, abductive or deductive thinker. A lot of insight lies in the language used and approach taken.

Relationship sort is one of the ways we initially deal with new information. We are either drawn to what is the same or what is different to our existing knowledge or something in between.

The language people use will indicate whether they prefer to look for similarities or differences. Some people like to find comparisons for new concepts. Others like to offer alternative arguments.

How we process information internally can take different forms. That means people prefer certain sensory language that matches the form their processing takes. This can be identified in interesting ways including eye movements.

One way our focus can change is if it is on the outside world or the inside world. We could prioritise our thoughts and feelings or we could prioritise the environment we are in.

What we use to draw conclusions about our experiences can vary. Sometimes we use the facts of the situation. Sometimes we rely on our assumptions and feelings.

How we interpret information differs. We can try to put information into a set number of categories to understand it or we could place it on a continuum. Both ways of thinking have advantages.

We are quite familiar with the terms optimists and pessimists. These terms are also used to describe attribution style. This is whether we are empowered to focus on the positives or stuck focusing on the negatives.

There are also differences in how tightly we hold onto the mental constructs we create. Some people are unchangeable in their beliefs while others are open to new evidence.

We need to filter out some of the environment so we are not overwhelmed. The level we do this to varies significantly between people. We have two categories of focus - screeners and non-screeners.

Another way our focus can vary is whether we are looking at why something happened or how it happened. One is more philosophical and one is more pragmatic but they are both ways of approaching problems.

The perspective we have of reality changes how we respond to it. Seeing reality as fixed is going to cause us to behave in a very different way to how we would if we see reality as a moving process.

We all have preferences over the form information takes. This means some people give most of their attention to verbal messages and others to non-verbal communication.

As we bring this module to a close, look back on what you have learnt. Apply it to yourself and other people you know so you can practice identifying meta programs.

We feel emotions deeply but there are a lot of thinking processes behind them as well. To have an influence over emotions, you need to understand the meta programs that create them.

We are familiar with the fight/flight response to stress but a similar concept can be seen in emotional meta programs. Some people take stressors on while others want to get away from them.

Passive responders are the complete opposite of aggressive responders. For emotional health, we need to fall somewhere in between. This means we are taking action but we are thinking about the right action to take first.

We all come to decisions in different ways but there are two main sources we can rely on. These are ourselves and external factors. We tend to have a preference for which one we will turn to when evaluating.

Whether we rely on ourselves or outside factors to make decisions causes us to function very differently. Our level of independence and need for feedback varies. It also has an emotional impact.

Sometimes we experience our environment fully in touch with it. We can also go into a state where we create an emotional barrier. Both can be useful so we need to be flexible.

We can respond to new situations in all sorts of ways. There are three main categories to discuss under somatic response sort. Some people react quickly, others think through their response and some respond with avoidance.

There are different things in the persuasion process that speaks to different people. It links back to the sensory channel we are using. This determines the things we value most and what we need to be convinced.

As well as the sensory channel being used, there are other factors involved in the persuasion process. Some people need to be exposed to information more than others to believe it.

Some people can contain their emotions to the area that caused them while other people feel their emotions in every area of life. Taking either too far is unhealthy. A balance needs to be found.

The last emotional meta program is how much we feel our emotions. Some people are quite bold and enjoy high emotional intensity situations. Other people are more reserved.

One of the other things that happen in our consciousness is making choices. There are a lot of factors that feed into how we make choices, one of them being direction sort.

The two motivations in this meta program are quite distinct. While we all want to avoid bad things and progress towards good things, one will motivate us more than the other.

This meta program accounts for the people who like to stick to the rules and the people who like to bend them. One encourages efficiency and one encourages creativity so they are both valuable.

We all have different worldviews but one way to categorise them is people who perceive the world and float along compared to people who judge the world and try to control it.

As we have seen already, language is a really good indicator of how someone sees the world. Words represent the rules we put on ourselves and the possibilities we allow ourselves to believe in.

Our modal operators reflect our we see the world and our role in it. They can describe rules we have for ourselves or opportunities we let ourselves strive for. This shows how we are motivated.

While our preferences can include a lot of different things, they can usually be split into six main categories. This shows the priorities people have when looking to enjoy themselves.

The idea of working towards goals can be pretty divisive. Some people love the challenge while others find goals just don’t work for them. Our approach has a big impact on our success.

We go through a decision making process every time we buy something. We weigh up different factors and prioritise the ones that matter to us most. This reflects what we value.

Some people love having responsibility while others hate it. We can respond to it unhealthily by taking responsibility for others too much or not owning up to our own responsibility.

There is a process behind whether we decide to trust people or not. Some people are very cautious about new people while others are willing to welcome strangers straight away.

It's time to talk about how the information we take in and interpret is turned into a response. This output of our operating systems has a much bigger impact than you might initially assume.

You are probably familiar with the terms introvert and extrovert. Ambivert describes people in the middle. Some people find comfort in solitude while others find it in other people.

We have a preference of the role we take when getting work done. Some people like working independently, others like working in teams and then others like to manage.

Part of responding is communicating with other people. However, we can do this in unhealthy ways. This includes acting superior, dissociating from emotions or needing the approval of others.

Our responses depend on what we are responding to but also our style of processing. That’s how different people can respond in completely opposing ways to the same situation.

Being in a social situation involves a lot of responding. We have different strategies for how we respond. Some people follow their impulses while others take time for contemplation.

We have a meta program for what we like to work with, either things, systems or people. We also have a meta program for how we make comparisons, using quantities or qualities.

We need information to be able to make decisions. There are various places that we can get information from. These include modeling, experience and demonstrations.

There are some people who need to see things through to the end. There are other people who find the excitement of new beginnings more enticing so find it easier to walk away without closure.

We can approach social situations with other people in mind or ourselves as the focus. Some people value authenticity over niceties while others want to please others before they think about themselves.

There are various ways to interact with people. This depends on what is driving us. It could be power, affiliation or achievement. Each of these three sorting styles have a significant effect on our responses.

Meta meta programs are the meta programs that sort our meta programs. There is a process behind what meta programs we use. Some decisions have already been made for us.

This whole process flows round in a circle. Changing meta meta programs at the top will change thoughts at the bottom of the system. Then habits formed at the bottom develop into meta programs and then meta meta programs at the top.

There is a process behind how we find our values. We have a way of distinguishing what is important and what isn’t that we use on the primary level and on the meta meta level to interpret our thoughts.

We all have different responses to being told what to do. Some people happily comply while others are very resistant to instruction. We tend to be somewhere along this continuum instead of being one extreme.

A healthy self-esteem is unconditional and innate. However, we can learn to base our worth on other external factors. It produces the mindset that we have to achieve certain things to be valuable.

We can struggle with self-confidence if we don’t take into account all the things we can do and instead focus on the things we can’t. Self-experience describes the different factors that go into how we define ourselves.

We want to live up to our values and our idea of what a good person is. However, struggling to do that can lead to a lot of internal conflict. Energy is wasted on negative emotions instead of working towards improvements.

When dealing with life, there tends to be a certain timezone we prefer. This is either the past, present or future. There are some people who don’t consider time at all so they are atemporal.

When understanding time, we create a timeline to plot events. How we relate to that timeline differs. Some people put themself in it and others keep their distance from it.

We store memories to be able to access them later on. How we have stored them determines how easy they are to access. If they are randomly organised, jumping from memory to memory is much easier.

Some people find dealing with problems harder than others. This could be due to the strength of their ego. This determines whether someone gets overwhelmed by emotions or can objectively face a problem.

The drive to do the right thing varies from person to person. Some people are always sorting for morals while others don’t pay attention to whether what they are doing is right or wrong.

We have this idea that events are caused by something. Often the links aren’t that simple. We have our own beliefs about causes such as whether they are internal, external or come from some other force.

Context is a very important part of meta programs. It determines which ones we use and creates our frame of reference. That’s how what is logical to one person could seem completely random to another.

Context indicates to us how we should respond. We are given a role to play. That role isn’t always the best one for us to use though. Sometimes we need to evaluate our responses.

To understand the present we need to understand the past. That is when we developed the meta programs we use today. Explaining where our frame of reference came from can help us to edit it.

There are more experiences to come in our lives so new contexts to encounter. We can use these to our advantage if we hold onto the ones that empower us.

The meta programs we use right now aren’t permanent. With the right approach, we can change them. We might target specific meta programs or the meta programs that will help us develop a certain skill.

We cannot change our meta programs automatically. There is a process for breaking down the old meta programs and introducing the new ones. It is a six step pattern.

As an NLP practitioner, you might help others to change their meta programs. You can use the same techniques but don’t forget to talk through any difficult emotions that are related to how the old meta program formed.

To embrace our ability to choose, we need to embrace all the possible options we have. Only using the two extreme responses on a continuum isn’t really being free to choose.

The meta programs we use says a lot about us. They can be combined to create a profile of how we function. Profiles of functioning allow people to be put in positions where they thrive.

Predicting behaviour does take some thought and consideration but it is a skill you can develop. It is useful for choosing the right person for the job instead of having to guess who is good at what.

To make the most out of profiling we need to be specific. Have a clear idea about what you do want and what you need to avoid. If you are encouraging change, have a specific meta program to replace the old one with.

Meta programs are key to communication and that includes criticising others. You need to approach these conversations in the way that is easiest for the other person to handle.

Identifying meta programs can help therapists unpick the ineffective thinking patterns of clients. Understanding why they are behaving the way they are is the first step towards change.

Thanks to the insight meta programs give us, we can use our understanding of them to help other people. This could be in solving a problem or communicating with them better.