Living a Healthy Lifestyle in Recovery

Welcome to physical health. When you think of physical health what automatically comes to mind? Do you think of nutrition, fitness and sleep? You see you need all of these in order for them to have a positive physical effect on your body. For example, you can’t be super physically fit and sleep 2 hours each night. That’s just not healthy and the negative of not sleeping outweighs the positive of being super fit. So to live a healthy lifestyle while in recovery, you need to focus on all three at the same time. Getting into routines are going to help and we will talk about that as we go along. So let’s get started with nutrition.

When taking care of your body, nutrition is the most important thing to tackle. Nutrition isn’t as cut and dry as just eating healthy. There are so many parts that you need to consider to really get it right, and even then, nutrition should be a lifelong journey towards living your best life.

The first thing you need to know about your nutrition is how the body is emotionally controlled by nutrition. People eat or don’t eat for all sorts of reasons but when you really look into those reasons, it’s generally related to an emotion. Some people eat too much when they are feeling down or depressed. Some people feel like they can’t eat when they are anxious or scared. And that’s the thing about the Sobriety Success program is that you need to tackle your psychological health at the same time as your physical health and we will go into that in our next section. But for now, let’s talk about how you can start having better nutrition.

I’m going to be talking about portion control, the quality of your food, why fad dieting is a bad idea, how to get rid of sugar, and what you should or shouldn’t be drinking. We’ll also talk about meal planning. This is the baseline and of course, as you grow your knowledge about nutrition and health you will continue to grow your relationship with healthy food.

So let’s first talk about portion size. So portion is the first thing you should be working on to make sure you are getting the right amount of food. Now of course, portion size will vary for everyone but generally, you can assume that having a standard healthy portion is what’s best for your body.

So what is a good portion size? There’s a few ways you can look at this. One, a portion size is about the size of your fist. So if you are smaller in stature your portion sizes will be smaller. If you are naturally a larger person, your portion sizes will be a bit larger.

Another way to look at this is to read the back of a box or an or whatever it is you’re cooking. Most things, aside from fresh products, will tell you right there how big or small a portion is. If you’re unsure by eyeballing it, then it’s best to try and weigh it. For example, pasta may be 4 oz. When cooking a single portion of pasta, cook that much, It’s important to be knowledgeable about portion sizes so that you don’t eat too much or too little in a single serving. I generally recommend watching portions for everything except vegetables. Have a lot of vegetables, they are good for you.

So portion size also comes with how often you should be eating. So a standard day should consist of 3 meals and maybe a snack or two. If your meals are larger and filling then you should probably skip the snack. And what foods should you be eating with the right portions? That really depends on where you live, as culturally, people eat different things but generally speaking, you should make sure you are getting one portion of carbs, one portion of protein and one portion of vegetables or fruit each meal. And snacks should be small and healthy. If you are eating let’s say some natural potato chips, look at the bag and see how many chips are in a serving and measure it out.

Now I know at first, portion control can be the hardest thing to tackle in nutrition but it’s very important if you want to have a healthy body for recovery.

Okay so now let’s talk about the quality of food you eat. Even with good portions, you don’t want to be eating junk food. Having boxed macaroni and cheese with a cookie on the side isn’t necessarily the best food you could be eating. This is where I recommend purchasing a cookbook that can help you learn how to make healthy meals from scratch. And no, not every meal has to take hours to prepare. A general rule of thumb is that if it comes in a box or a can, try to find a way to make it without. Instead of buying boxed mashed potatoes, make your own, Instead of buying chopped tomatoes from a can, buy a tomato and chop it yourself. And stay away from big meal kits like hamburger helpers, etc. There are much healthier ways to cook food that don’t involve everything processed with tons of chemicals.

Next, don’t buy into fad dieting. This is huge - you see all these commercials about how you can lose weight in 3 weeks, etc. and now they are really trying to lure you in by telling you how natural their products are, etc. but don’t. It’s much better to have a slower process and learn how to change your lifestyle than to try and jump into something that you are not planning to do forever.

So now let’s talk about sugar. Sugar is really bad for you in general but when you’re recovering from an addiction, it can be worse because well, sugar itself is very addictive. I want you to set a goal for yourself to be able to completely cut out all sugar eventually. Now if you eat a lot of sugar, you’re probably like, yea that will never happen but trust me, if you can get to that point, your recovery will be that much more solid. You will feel so much better about your health. So start with drinks - get rid of anything that contains sugar and sweeteners. Sweeteners are not better for you and cause numerous health problems. Instead, you should drink plain sparkling water, regular water, tea without sugar or coffee without sugar. Stay away from soda or juice. Both are just as bad. Drinking a lot of water helps flush your system from toxins which is also helpful in recovery.

Okay so now how do you tie all this together? Well, it starts with commitment and being organized. Meal planning is going to be huge. If you don't have a meal plan, you will find yourself just winging it and when you just wing it, you will be hungry and more likely to make an unhealthy choice.

So yes, plan your entire week, every week, Every meal, breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks. And then make your shopping list based on what you are eating in the week and don’t stray away from it. If you have a family, plan for everyone. It’s easy to walk through the store and just put random junk food in your cart when you don’t have a list. So if you have a list, you can stick to it.

And last, I want you to be kind to yourself and think of this as a lifelong journey towards a healthy life. Commit to making small changes each week so that you don’t feel overwhelmed. Everyone can improve their nutrition, even those who think they eat super healthy as it is. I hope you enjoyed this lecture and please remember, we’re here to support you through this.

The next part in taking care of your physical health is fitness. Studies have shown that fitness specifically helps people in recovery by reducing stress, which reduces triggers which can ultimately prevent a relapse. In this lecture we’re going to talk about cardio, strength training, stretching, pushing yourself, fitness recovery and when to call a doctor.

So let’s start with cardio. Like portion control with food, cardio is where you want to start with fitness. Cardio is what keeps your whole body in shape, especially your heart. Cardio also helps reduce brain fog and fatigue.

If you are looking at a fitness plan, it’s important to look to see if high intensity cardio is included at 3 times per week for 30 minutes or longer. This is the minimum you should be aiming for.

Now how you do cardio is completely up to you! You should need to make sure you are really getting your heart rate up. Some people feel as though they are not very good at cardio and that’s okay. You can ease your way into it. To begin with, you don’t have to have 30 minutes straight of high intensity cardio but you will want to carve out 30 minutes and that should be your goal. For example, if you run, and need to occasionally walk during that 30 minutes, that’s okay but eventually you want to be able to run for 30 minutes straight and once you master that you can work on speed and longevity.

If running isn’t your thing, that’s okay. Maybe try cycling or a high intensity aerobics class. You can find a youtube video. You can swim, you can hike, boxing, jump roping, maybe you join a soccer team, whatever you do, make sure you are having fun with it, set goals, and keep track of your progress as you’ll want to see how you are getting better and better over time. You can use an app of course or just write things down as you go.

Okay so now let’s talk about strength training. Strength training is good for your bone and helps reduce inflammation and chronic pain. So in addition to cardio, you’ll want to strength train at least 3 days per week, the opposite days you’re doing cardio. Strength training should include your upper body, mid body and lower body. If you are looking for a fitness plan make sure your whole body is included. You don’t want to get strong biceps but have weak legs. You want to take care of your whole body head to toe.

If you don’t want to do a fitness plan you can make your own. Maybe you do some pushup, lift weight, some ab exercises and/or squats. You can dedicate one day to upper, one day to lower, one day to abs. There are a bunch of free fitness videos on youtube as well so take a look at find your favorites. Your workouts should be around 30 minutes. If you want to go longer because you enjoy it then go for it but it’s necessary. Just try not to do anything too much shorter than 30 minutes. 10 minute workouts don’t do very much.

And last, stretching. Stretching is good for your posture, it releases stress and tension. Stretching can be incorporated as a full workout like maybe you do a yoga class, yoga or stretching at home or perhaps you stretch before and after a workout. However you want to do it is fine, just don’t ignore it.

So with all this, the only way you are going to get more physically fit is if you push yourself. If you continue to just do what you’re capable of doing now, you will just be maintaining your current fitness level. You have to push yourself to get better. Just like how you’ve been pushing yourself in recovery, it’s the same in other areas like nutrition and fitness. I know you have it in you because you’re here and showing up, is half the battle.

Now fitness recovery is also really important so make sure you are cooling down after each workout and making sure you are eating and drinking lots of water. Your body will need to rest sometimes to avoid injury to be in tune with it. If you feel you have sprained a muscle then rest it until it heals. If you roll your ankle then stay off of it until it’s better. Push yourself yes but only if it’s safe to do so.

The best thing you can do is make yourself a fitness schedule and carve out the time each day. Maybe it’s before you start your day. Perhaps it’s at lunch time or before dinner. Some people work out at night. It’s really what you feel is best for you. Don’t let anyone tell you have to workout first thing in the morning if you’re not a morning person that won’t work. On the flip side if you wait until the evening and then something comes up you won’t have a back up plan. But you want to set realistic expectations based on your lifestyle and the way your family works.

And of course, if anything feels not right with your body be sure to call your doctor. I always highly recommend that everyone gets a physical before starting a new workout plan and if things are feeling off, call your doctor then too. You want to be physically fit but not at the expense of hurting yourself along the way. Okay so go get started on that fitness plan and remember, we’re always here if you have questions.

In this lecture, we’re going to talk about sleep. So we’ve talked about nutrition and fitness and just like I have said in those lectures, you can’t have good nutrition and fitness and bad sleep and expect to feel good. Sleep is what helps your fitness. Your body recovers when you have good sleep which allows you to push yourself more when you are awake. It also contributes to making good nutrition choices. I mean think about how you feel when you are tired and moody. The last thing you want to do is cook a healthy meal. You are more likely to turn towards unhealthy comfort foods if you are not getting enough sleep. And sleep also contributes to your mood which is associated with triggers which we know can lead to a relapse. So what I am trying to say is, it’s really important to get good sleep if you want to live your best life in recovery. In this lecture we’ll talk about sleep cycles, bed times, how to fall asleep easier, how to stay asleep, and whether or not you’re sleeping too much or too little.

So if you want to know how to get better sleep the first thing you need to understand is what your body is going through during each sleep cycle stage. The body has 4 main stages. In stage 1 you’re just barely asleep and drifting off into that comfort. It’s that stage where you may feel like you’re falling off a cliff and suddenly have a jerky movement. This is where everything in your body begins to slow down. This stage doesn’t last very long. If you have troubles staying asleep, sometimes this is the stage that people get stuck in. They feel like they are just about to fall asleep but can’t actually get to stage two.

The next stage is stage two which is a light sleep. This is where your muscles really start to relax and your brain activity slows. The body tends to come back to this stage multiple times throughout the night.

In stage 3, deep sleep, contrary to what people believe, is a stage that actually doesn’t last very long but t’s the most important stage as this stage is what helps you feel refreshed in the morning. If you’re one of those people who wake up tired and feel tired throughout the day despite getting 7-9 hours per sleep, then it is likely you are barely hitting, if ever, enough minutes in deep sleep.

And the last stage is called REM sleep. This is where you spend most of your night. This is the dreaming stage and there is a lot of brain activity in this stage yet the body is paralyzed.

So how much sleep do you need? It really does vary from person to person. Some people need more sleep than others but the average person needs 7-9 hours per night. So that is really what you should be aiming for. If you find it hard to wake up in the morning and are generally a more sleepy person then go for 9. If you are one of those people that don’t really ever feel tired and don’t have a hard time waking up in the morning then you can aim for the lower end of 7.

The key to getting good sleep though relies on routine and repetition. This is so the body can know what to expect every day. The best way to do this is to pick a bed time and pick a wake up time and keep it the same every night and day, even on the weekends. Now is an occasional sleep in going to hurt? Not really and if you’re sleeping well, then that should be okay but if you’re a bad sleeper, the occasional sleep in will throw your body off and it will be harder to recover the next day.

So setting a bed time and wake up time is only the start. It’s important that you learn to fall asleep, without sleep aids, as soon as possible. If your bedtime is 10pm and your wake up time is 6am but you spend 2 hours laying in your bed on your phone or watching TV then you suddenly go from getting 8 hours to 6 hours, which is not enough. So in order to fall asleep more easily it’s best if you start a bedtime routine 30-45 minutes before you need to be asleep. So if your bedtime is 10pm then around 9:15 you’ll need to start a routine. This routine should consist of doing something quiet without using screens. You could do some yoga, listen to calming music, meditate, take a warm shower or bath, read a book and so on. Then you should be crawling into bed around 9:45 or so with the aim to sleep by 10pm.

Now this doesn’t come easy for most people and don’t expect it to work overnight. But be patient with yourself. Give it 30 days of a consistent routine and if that doesn’t work, you’re not falling asleep rather quickly then you should look at other conditions such as do you have the right pillow, sheets, mattress? Is it too hot or too cold in your room? What about the lighting? And so on. Keep at it and eventually you’ll get it.

Now the next part is making sure you stay asleep throughout the night. High quality sleep is essential. If you find yourself waking up multiple times throughout the night try to pinpoint what it is that’s waking you up. If it’s sound or another person, how can you eliminate that? However, what most people say is that with a solid nighttime routine they find that they are sleeping better throughout the night as well. Again, give this 30 days before writing it off as not working.

The other thing to consider is whether or not you’re sleeping too much. Now I generally say that if you’re not a good sleeper, try and make sure you aren’t taking long naps during the day. If you do need to nap, then a 20 minute nap can be beneficial but if you go longer you run the risk of not being able to fall asleep at night. So stick to 20 minutes, no longer.

Now there are some sleep disorders that are very real and if you have implemented everything we’ve talked about in this lecture and have tried and I mean really given it your all, yet you’re still not able to sleep or you are still so tired throughout the day then it’s important that you talk to your doctor. You could have a medical condition that causes you to feel sleepy or a medical condition that causes insomnia. You could have a sleep disorder. But that’s something that would require a full physical with blood work but please don’t ignore this if this is affecting you. Getting your sleep just right is very important for your recovery and living a healthy life.

That’s it for this lecture. Happy sleeping everyone!

That’s it for our section on physical health. I know we covered a lot in just one section. It’s normal to feel overwhelmed at first and that’s why I want to make you know to take your time in organizing all this. Set up schedules, make lists and create realistic expectations. Remember, this is not race, this is a long term healthy living lifestyle change that caters to you and your recovery. If at any time things don’t feel right, listen to your body. You don’t want to force anything but rather have it feel like second nature, hopefully some of it will actually be fun rather than just an annoying chore. Thank you for sticking with this and I’ll see you in the next section.

Welcome to our next section on psychological health. So living a healthy life in recovery isn’t just about your physical health. A healthy life means taking care of your mind too. Now there are a lot of different pieces to this pie as well so that’s why i’ve broken them down into three sections: your mental health, your worldview, and what your intentions are. So very similar to physical health in that you can’t just focus on taking care of your mental health but not think about your worldview or living intentionally. It’s all interconnected. And you will also see, as we continue to move along through the course, is how some of these pieces even overlap in with other sections. For example, yoga is a good way to stretch your muscles so great for fitness but it’s also great for your mental health. Meditation is great for your mental health as well but also can help you sleep better. Okay so with all that being said, let’s start by talking about your mental health.

Your mental health is so important to take care; in recovery or not. If you have a diagnosed mental health disorder please don’t ignore it. It’s important that you continue to follow your doctor’s advice. If you are unsure if you have a mental health disorder, please see a doctor asap. If you are not treating your mental health at the same time as your addiction, you will be just going in circles constantly and its long term recovery is often unattainable.

Okay so on top of making sure you are taking your doctor’s advice, it’s important that, whether or not you have a mental health disorder, you also take care of your mental health on your own. So we’re going to talk about how to relax your mind, self care and whether or not counseling or therapy would benefit you.

So let’s first talk about relaxing the mind. Relaxing the mind can help reduce stress and can also have long term physical benefits too. Your brain needs to declutter in order to make way for more positive things in your life. So however you want to do it, it is fine just don’t ignore it and don’t forget. The best way is to carve out time throughout your day to focus on relaxation. This can come in all different ways. Maybe you get a meditation app on your phone or do yoga. You could also just focus on deep breathing and clearing your mind. But please make sure you are doing this. You may forget if you don’t commit so what I usually do is take about 5 minutes after lunch and do some deep breathing. I also try to incorporate yoga and meditation into my night time routine. But if you prefer mornings then that’s cool too. Just make sure you do it.

Okay so the other part about your mental health that is important is making sure you are taking time out for self-care.

Self-care isn’t just so simple like getting a massage or taking a nap. Contrary to what you hear about, self-care actually takes work. But why is self-care so important? Because it actually helps your mental health in tremendous ways, It can reduce anxiety and stress which we know will carry over into reducing triggers.

Self-care is also something that should be planned. You know how earlier I was walking about how things overlap with this program? Well, a really good time to implement self care is to do it for your nighttime routine if possible. It doesn’t have to be that way but just an example in case you are strapped for time.

So self care isn’t selfish and it doesn’t have to be expensive or indulgent. Just a time you choose to do something just for you and nobody else. Maybe you get into a good book or take a warm bath. Perhaps you like to cook so cooking a nutrition dinner can be part of self care. Be very careful with food though. While healthy cooking can be part of self care make sure you aren’t indulging in unhealthy activities like ice cream or brownies. I hear people say things like I’m going to get my self care in tonight - it’s a tub of ice cream and a funny movie. That is a slippery slope as it’s not healthy. Exercise can be self -care. Just choose a time each day and say hey, I'm doing this for me and nobody else. I’m doing this because it makes me feel good about myself. That’s what self care is all about.

Having someone to talk to about life is important for mental health. Having a family member or a special friend that you can vent to could be part of taking care of your mind but sometimes a professional could help even more. Not everyone is going to need a counselor or a therapist but having ongoing professional mental health care can be extremely beneficial whether or not you have a mental health diagnosis. Talk therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, family counseling and so on are all good ways to make sure you are staying on top of your mental health. Now remember, I’m saying everyone needs a mental health professional but if you’re struggling and unable to cope on your own, please take that plunge and explore those options. You’ll be surprised how helpful having someone with an unbiased professional opinion helps you through.

That’s it for this section on mental health. We’ve covered a lot so please make sure you take notes or revisit this lecture often. See you in the next lecture.

Welcome to our next lecture. In this lecture we’re going to talk about how your worldview can affect your psychological health and why embracing your worldview is an attribute to a healthy lifestyle in recovery.

So what exactly is a worldview? A world view is the lens in which you see things, things that are happening around you, which is never identical to the way someone else sees things. Your worldview is unique to you. This includes your attitude and attitude of those around you, your values and morals, the stories you are told and how you expect the world to see you. Your worldview is why you think and act the way you do.

While there are many different aspects that contribute to your world, it’s important first to recognize that you have a worldview. And that your worldview is based on the things that have happened to you in your life. You express your worldview through ethics, religion, spirituality, philosophy and your scientific beliefs.

So what are things you can do to expand your worldview so that your mind can be more open to change? When you change for the better, your life overall is more healthy. Now your world view is not how other people view you, it’s how you view everything going on around you. For example, you may view someone else as bitchy, selfish and entitled. But that person you are seeing does not have the same worldview as you do, so their own personal circumstances cause them to behave in a way that other people may not perceive as appropriate.

So the first thing you can do to expand your own worldview is to free yourself from judgement. You judge yourself and other people based on your experiences. When you stop judging yourself and other people you become more open to solutions.

Maybe you had a relapse recently and you are mad at yourself for how it happened. When you change your mindset, and take the negative feeling of being mad and turn it into forgiveness, you are able to move forward at a much quicker pace and possibilities become endless.

Another way to expand your worldview is to think about how and why you are who you are and try to see if there are ways you can think differently about certain situations. For example, let’s say you feel as though the people in your life don’t understand your addiction and every time you are around them, you feel shame or embarrassment for how you may have acted in the past. A good way to rethink that would be to ask yourself, why do you think they don’t understand your addiction? Do you know this for sure? Have you talked to them about it? If they truly don’t understand do you think there is a way to have an honest conversation with them to help them understand? And in the end, if they truly just don’t understand, is that okay too? I mean, sure you don’t understand everything right? Maybe they don’t understand addiction but on the flip side you don’t understand postpartum depression, the grief of losing a pet, or what it’s like to be a black person living in a white neighborhood. You see, it’s okay for people to not understand everything about you just like you may not understand everything about them. And once you’re able to accept that, it will be easier to rid yourself of that shame and embarrassment you were feeling, because honestly, they are probably ready to move on too.

And another way to expand your worldview is to do it through religion or spirituality. Understanding that there are so many different ways people think and feel, especially through their own spiritual lens is important. What’s most important is that you are aware that there are many worldviews, no right or wrong way to see the world, and the way you view your world is just right for you. But how can you expand on that? Can you dig a little deeper into your religion or spiritual practices to help your psychological health?

Now people study religion, ethics and philosophy for years so obviously I can’t squeeze even a portion of that into a single lecture but I do encourage you to try to push yourself more and more every day to expand your world view. Do this by reading, empathizing, talking to people, and so on. You will be so surprised how expanding your worldview can be so beneficial to your psychological health and well being.

That’s it for this lecture. I’ll see in our next one. Bye!

Welcome. This lecture is titled, Living with Intention. So living with intention is the last piece to the psychological component in living a healthy life in recovery. When you start to refocus your mind on making everything you do intentional, you will start to learn how to live in a way that is efficient and productive which is so beneficial in recovery.

You see, a lot of people go through their day just living it moment by moment, not really setting intentions or goals and when good things happen that’s great but it leaves so much for nothing to happen. And we know what happens when fighting an addiction, boredom, feeling lost, feeling unsure and so on can lead to feeling triggered.

Intentional living is a challenge but I think you’re up for that challenge because you’re here and you’re here because you want to be able to live the healthiest life possible.

Ther are many ways to live with intention but the first thing you need to learn to do is learn how to live in the present moment. Being present means being intentional about being present. So try to not think about the past or worry about the future. Be here, listen to my voice, and think about this lecture.

Now nobody is perfect and trust me when I say this, nobody, unless you’re maybe Ghandi or Buddha can be fully present 100% of the time but everyone can take moments out of their day to refocus on think about bringing the mind back to the present moment.

Now living intentionally isn’t just about being present. There are a lot of other different factors that go into intentional living. The best way to live with intention is to get organized and make plans. Remember, when we talked about nutrition and fitness and making meal time plans and carving out time in your day for fitness? That’s part of intentional living. So when you go to do your workout, you are working out with intention. The key though is to stay present during your workout - not to workout and at the same time be thinking about all the things you have to do today or reminding yourself of something that happened two days ago. Those things aren’t going to change during your workout.

Now usually when I talk to my students about living intentionally they immediately think wow, that sounds exhausting. Will I ever be able to relax? Of course you will! But you will need to do it with intention. So let’s say for example, you have a hard day at work and you are just mentally and emotionally exhausted. You want more than nothing than to come home and turn off your brain. While most people can do that without repercussions, those in recovery might not. If you turn off your brain, you’re likely to eat unhealthy, get bored, feel triggered, and it might lead to a relapse. But again, that’s not to say you can’t relax. So instead of turning off your brain, plan to relax. Maybe instead of cooking at home you order some healthy takeout and spend the evening watching funny shows on TV. That’s perfectly okay! You are intentionally binging schitts creek or whatever show you want. But remember, you want to make sure you are getting enough sleep so you intentionally stop watching TV to go to bed. All of these things will trickle over to the next day. If you aren’t intentionally relaxing and just turning off your brain you might stay up too late which could lead to being tired next morning, then if you’re too tired you might skip your fitness and before you know it you’re spiralling down. That’s not what you want.

Be intentional with everything you do and remember, you are in full control. You got this!

That’s it for this section on psychological health. I know we covered a lot and I know it may seem like too much but please don’t stress. Remember, everything we talk about overlaps so you’re not just eating healthy. While eating healthy you’re also expanding your worldview and eating with intention. You’re not just incorporating fitness into your life. You are exercising to reduce stress which helps with your mental health. You’re not just sleeping good. You are sleeping with intention and caring for your mental health at the same time. Next, we’re going to start talking about the people in your life and how to navigate those relationships while living a healthy life in recovery.

Welcome to our final section. In the last two sections we talked about how you can take charge of your health while in recovery. We talked about all the things you can control.. But there is a part of living a healthy lifestyle that is important but more of a challenge to navigate. And that’s relationships. If you are taking charge of your physical health and psychological health but have toxic and unhealthy relationships, it’s going to be extremely hard to keep motivated and overcome those challenges. In this section, I’m going to help you learn how to have healthy relationships with your family, friends and those in your professional circle. Let’s get started.

Before we get started talking about family relationships, I want to acknowledge that I do understand that nobody has the same family dynamics. Families are complicated and while toxicity is common there are varying levels of toxicity so there is no one size fits all approach to having healthy family relationships but there are however, certain approaches that can be beneficial across the board and that’s what I want to talk to you about today. I’m going to talk about how to communicate, forgiveness, being interested in them, setting boundaries and when to take a break.

Communication is probably the most important thing you can do to create and maintain healthy family relationships. It’s important to talk a lot and be honest. Remember, nobody is a mind reader so unless you communicate with your family, there is no way for them to know what you’re feeling. I had a client once tell me that she was really frustrated at her mom. She felt like her mom was always criticizing her, being rude, and just not understanding of what she was going through with her addiction. She said her mom knew she had an addiction but never offered to help her in any way. We decided then to have a group session. In the group session, it turns out, her mom did not understand addiction very well because she never had to go through it herself and she never knew anybody who did. So when her daughter said she was quitting alcohol, she assumed that was that. But what she didn’t know was what happens during withdrawal and the early days of recovery; sadness, depression, anxiety, triggers, etc. And the reason the mom didn’t know this, was because her daughter never told her. Once she knew and started to understand the process more, their relationship started to improve. The mom started to back off with her insults, laid off with the pressure and the daughter started to heal. Now it’s not always as cut and dry as this but it’s important to really understand that your family members won’t know what you’re struggling with unless you tell them.

Forgiveness is another part of having healthy family relationships. I think we can all think of times where we ourselves have done or said something we regret. Now think about what it would be like if every family member you ever wronged held a forever grudge. It’s not healthy for anyone involved to stay stuck in the past. Now while I can’t control your family and whether or not they forgive you for things, what I can tell you is that the sooner you’re able to forgive them and start to think about the future, the healthier your relationships will become. Now, like I said earlier I know there are many aspects to this and it’s not always so simple, and I do fully understand that there are situations that are unforgivable but I want you to think about any family members you might be holding a grudge to and really analyze that situation. Is it worth staying angry forever and losing a relationship over what was said or done? If yes, and I do know there are some relationships that cannot be repaired, nor should they, then it’s okay to walk away without guilt. But if you’re not willing to walk away forever, if you still find hope in the situation then there is no reason to drag it out any longer than it needs to be. Forgiveness should not be contingent on something they do or say. For example, you should not say to yourself, I will forgive them once they apologize to me or once they do xyz. That’s not how true forgiveness works. True forgiveness is forgiving them with no strings attached. It’s a big step sometimes but it’s the only way to start the healing and to live a healthy life in recovery. So if you’re ready to forgive then forgive today. Don’t let anything keep you down.

The next part of having healthy relationships with family members is being interested in them. Have you ever heard your friends talking about their relationships with their family where someone feels they are being taken advantage of? This usually stems from not viewing the relationship as a give and take, as an equal. I had a client once that had a terrible relationship with his parents. He said his parents were always mad and never called to see how he was doing. He said his parents were selfish and only cared about themselves. Well it turns out, after talking with the parents and him together, his parents started to get really frustrated with him after he only ever called to ask if he could babysit. His parents said for years they would say yes because they adored their grandchildren but after babysitting almost every weekend and only getting a phone call when he needed a favor they decided that enough was enough and started saying no. They were tired of being taken advantage of. You see, my client didn’t realize that a healthy relationship goes both ways. And this is where lack of communication comes in as well. Neither the son nor the parents knew the extent of how anyone was feeling. It took a few months but what we did was we set up a task for the son, to call his parents every sunday to just talk. The son was tasked with asking questions about their life and taking an interest in what they were doing. And of course, this turned into the parents asking the son about his life as well and overtime it got a little easier to talk. And that soon turned into occasional visits that did not include babysitting or asking the parents for any favors. And that’s how the healing began.

Next, I want to talk about setting boundaries. So you see in this last example, the parents had set boundaries with the son but that was not the right way to set boundaries. You definitely don’t want to be taken advantage of and having healthy family relationships may require you to set limits. So let’s say you have a sister who is always coming over, asking for favors, asking for money, causing drama everytime you see her. Perhaps she triggers you. It’s important that not only you communicate well but that you set healthy boundaries. Setting healthy boundaries is not easy but it’s necessary. Saying no, talking about how you feel and why you are setting limits is important. Remember what I said earlier about nobody being mind readers. You can’t just suddenly cut off your sister and expect her to be okay with it. You have to be very specific with your boundaries. For example, “Can I borrow your car tonight?” “No, Jessica, I think we need to talk about this. I am no longer going to let you borrow my car. But, if you are in a situation and need help maybe we can work together to come up with a solution so that you can have reliable transportation.” I know that sounds cheesy but stick with it, and the more you set boundaries the clearer your message will be. The situation earlier with my client and his parents saying no about babysitting. The better way would have been them saying, “Stephen, I feel like you are taking advantage of us. We have sacrificed a lot to babysit for you and are happy to do so but starting now we will only babysit once per month. If you need help finding a babysitter for other nights, I can help you find other babysitters.” Boundaries are important for you and your family.

And last, let’s talk about taking a break. So earlier I talked about how I truly do understand that every family situation is going to be different and sometimes people have toxic family members where the relationship just isn’t worth putting any more effort in. And it’s really important to recognize this. So if you have a family member that is berating or belittling you even after you have opened up to them, even after you have communicated so much to them and they know your struggles. Even after you have forgiven them then maybe it’s time to take a break. Now I don’t usually tell people to get rid of family members forever, but more like, it’s okay to stop contact temporarily until they have made a significant change in that they are no longer toxic and jeopardizing your sobriety. You don’t deserve to be treated like crap, nobody does so take a look at your family relationships and make a decision - are they worth hanging on to, strengthening or repairing, or have you tried everything in your power to have a healthy relationship and it’s just not working? If it’s the latter - please take a break. So how do you take a break? Well, it’s not easy but it goes back to setting boundaries but taking a break requires hard boundaries. It’s important that person knows that you are going to take a break from them, they know why it’s happening and they know for how long. Again, communication is still important. So let’s say you need to take a break from your toxic father. A good way to take that break would be to call him and be firm yet consistent. Try not to get too emotional and let him know that it’s not forever. So something like: “Dad, I need to spend some time working on myself for a while. I am giong to take a break from you for 6 months and during this time I hope we can both work on how to communicate better with each other. This doesn’t mean I don’t love you, it just means that I need space to make sure I can maintain my health and sobriety. I love you and we’ll talk soon.” And then at that point, make sure you write it down when 6 months is. Call your dad in 6 months for a chat and see where that leads you. Of course in the meantime you will absolutely get pushback and you might be bombarded with calls or messages from other family members who are wondering what is going on. Remember to be consistent and firm with your messaging and they too will understand. If the relationship is still toxic after a break, take another one and then another and keep doing that until something changes.

Okay so that’s all we’re going to talk about in this lecture on healthy relationships with family members. See you in the next lecture.

Welcome back. So let’s talk about friendships and how the friends you choose to have will make a direct impact on your healthy lifestyle. We talked about family and the reason navigating friendships is so different is that you don’t get to choose who your family is. I mean in a sense. We talked about how you can take a break from toxic family members, the family you have aren’t necessarily the same people you are choosing to have friendships with. I mean sure, people in your family can also be your friends, just like you can think of your friends as more like family but for the sake of this course; friends are those people who are not part of your family; the family you were either born into or adopted into or the people who raised you.

So the first thing I want you to know is that friendship goes both ways. You can’t have a one sided friendship. In a family situation, the power dynamics are a bit different in that parents are always parents, kids are always kids and siblings are always siblings. Right, but in a friendship there isn’t that - it’s just two people choosing to stay in each other’s lives for whatever reason. So in that case, it’s important to look for red flags if it doesn’t feel right - if one party, even if you’re the one party, has more control than the other party. If that’s the case, the friendship may be toxic for one or for both of you and if you are looking to live a healthy life in recovery, you don’t need that. For example, let’s say you have a friend that is texting you all the time, video calling you, demanding you hang out and then never wants to stop hanging out even if you want to. If you feel exhausted and feel like you can’t say no, then they have more power than you do. They are controlling the situation and that’s not healthy.

Another question to ask yourself is whether or not your friend or friends will help or hinder your healthy lifestyle? For example, if your friend calls you up on a Saturday asking you to go with them to buy a new phone and you had plans to workout at that exact same time, you tell your friend and if their response is really? Working out isn’t that important, you can always do that later. Then that’s a friend that isn’t supporting your healthy lifestyle. Their answer should either be: cool, maybe another time or perhaps they may say cool - I’ll come work out with you and then we’ll go after. Either way, they are supporting you and the things that are important. Same thing goes with food, sleep, your mental health and so on.

And last, I want you to know that as people grow and evolve, it’s completely natural for friendships to change. You are growing yourself, you are getting healthier and stronger in your recovery and you may find that you no longer have things in common with certain friends and that’s perfectly okay and natural too. Not everyone is destined to be lifelong friends. Think about all your friends back in highschool. You all grew up and different things were important to each of you. If that starts happening don’t think of it as a bad thing or something to be sad about; instead think of it as a healthy thing in that having space to be able to be the best version of yourself is really what’s best. And don’t think of it as a forever thing either - I mean there’s never any harm in having an occasional catch up or text here and there. Just do what’s right for you.

And now with all this being said, like family, remember, it’s okay to take a break or even block toxic friends out of your life. With family, it’s hard to say forever, but with friends sometimes it really just needs to be done especially if they are jeopardizing your recovery or ability to live a healthy life.

So that’s it for friendships. See you in the next lecture.

Now we are going to talk about professional relationships. So professional relationships are those people who aren’t family or friends and you only know them in a professional manner. I want you to think of this as completing a full circle when it comes to relationships. You can’t have healthy relationships with your family and friends and then be miserable with your boss or co-workers. So working on these relationships is important too.

So how do you ensure healthy professional relationships? Well, you need to analyze them first. Do the people you work with in a professional manner treat you well? Do they support your recovery and healthy lifestyle? I’m not necessarily even saying they have to know about your addiction but rather, do they stress you out the point where you feel triggered? Have you had a relapse that stems from a bad day at work? Things like that.

So the best thing you can do is to write in a journal a list of names of people that you interact with on a daily basis in a professional manner. Then next to their name write down whether or not they are okay meaning, they are a fine professional acquaintance, they don’t make you feel bad and they don’t make you have to choose between living a healthy lifestyle and them.

Now if there is anyone on that list that doesn’t meet the requirement of being okay, it’s time to change that. Now I fully understand it’s not easy to make changes in a professional environment but if they are toxic to your lifestyle then it’s important that you take charge, and you put yourself first.

I want you to think about those people that may be toxic. Is there a way for you to work on repairing the relationship? For example, let’s say you have a co-worker that stole one of your ideas and got a promotion based on that stolen idea. And you have never forgiven them, talked to them about it and there is tension every day when you work together. If possible. Try to think of this new lifestyle you are living as a new beginning. Can you put that aside and let it go?

Maybe you have a co-worker who is always interrupting you in meetings. Are you able to communicate with them and let them know how you feel? Chances are, they may not even be aware of what they are doing.

All of these things matter deeply. You need to be able to go into a professional environment without having to be afraid or worried about how your day is going to pan out.

Now, if there are people or a person on that list that you know that no matter what, addressing the issue would either make things worse or nothing will come of it because perhaps you have already tried that, then it would be time to think about what you can do, the steps you need to take to distance yourself from those people. Can you talk to HR? Can you move departments? Perhaps it might even have to go as far as applying for another job in a different company.

Now I would never recommend just up and quitting things but I do recommend that you actively take steps to make your situation more bearable. Sometimes that means toughing it out for a few months while you look for something else but at least you know that you are trying to make things better for you. And really that’s the most important thing.

That’s it for this section on relationships. Remember, all relationships contribute to your health and well-being. Having good solid strong relationships is essential to living a healthy life in recovery. I know there’s a lot to think about when it comes to the people in your life and some decisions will be easier than others but remember, when in recovery, you have put your health and sobriety first. If you don’t and you relapse that will not help anyone in any way. That’s it for this section. See you in our section as we wrap up the course.

Welcome to Day 1 of 30 days to sobriety success! We're talking nutrition and healthy eating + how it impacts recovery.

Mastering your mental health is day 2 of 30 days to sobriety success. The ability to regulate thoughts, emotions and staying mentally strong is what sets you up for long term success.

Most peole don't realise just how much their family impacts their chances of a successful recovery. This is day 3 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Setting a quit date - is it really that important? YES! Find out why in day 4 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Ugh! The gym. It's the worst for most people but fitness is really important to a successful recovery. So, what can you do? Watch day 5 of 30 days to sobriety success.

Developing a deeper spiritual practice has been shown to support your addiction recovery journey. Watch day 6 of 30 days to sobriety success to find out more.

Sometimes your friend group can actually be really bad for your sobriety. Find out who the good friends and bad friends are and what to do about them in Day 7 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Does everyone relapse? What you need to know! This is day 8 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Did you know that work can be a major reason for struggling during sobriety? It's true! Welcome to day 9 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

You made it! This is day 10 of 30 days to sobriety sucess and we're talking about people, places and things. You're going to love this one!

Sleep. We all need it and chances are you aren't getting enough of it. But... did you know it impacts your sobriety? Watch more in Day 11 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

Intentional living is a powerful, powerful thing. It gives you complete dominion and domain over your life. Something you DEFINITELY need in sobriety. Day 12 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success. Think of this as your sobriety motivation!

If you want to succeed in being sober for the long term you have got to learn how to manage triggers like a FRIGGIN BOSS. You're watching day 13 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success.

What on earth does H.A.L.T. mean and why should you be paying attention to it? Find out in Day 14 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success

Wait...why does keeing your home clean make any difference to your ability to get and stay sober? Keeping your living space clean has plenty of benefits. Let's dive in to 30 Days of Sobriety Success Day 15

Sugar. Look it isn't great for you under normal circumstances but when you're suffering from addiction it can be easy to succumb to its dangers. We'll talk through what these are in Day 16 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success

In Day 17 of 30 Days to Sobriety Success, we're examining the powerful activity of journaling. I really recommend to everyone that they journal regularly and here are some reasons why!

You've got to be mentally prepared and ready for sobriety. It's hard work to get and stay in recovery so preparing a strong mind is key to your success. To stop drinking alcohol you've got to think ahead.

Reading is a powerful way to up your personal understanding of life. Reading also helps you feel better too!

One persons crisis is not the same as another. So, how do you get crisis support in times of need? Who can you reach out to when your sober journey is under attack?

There are lots of ways to get help with your addiction and online addiction recovery programs have exploded thanks to the pandemic. But will an online support program actually help you?

Like the title of this video says, sometimes you just want to connect with someone in person. If that's you, then you need to do what is neccessary to make that happen. It's crucial for your recovery so make an effort to ensure it becomes a reality.

Money. It's critically important in todays society and very important for anyone in recovery. Get your finances in order so you can start making real progress on your life goals.

Everyone today wants instant results. Social media has fueled us to believe that we can get everything we want in a short time. However, going slow and steady is the foundation of recovery from drug and alcohol or even porn abuse.

Grief comes in many different shapes and sizes. People often feel as though grief is just relegated to the loss of a loved one or a pet. Grief is actually more complex than that so lets dig in and find out how it affects addiction and recovery.

It's time to talk about how to be sober around drunk people and enjoy it. It's a hard topic to cover but you need to know what it will be like when you are having to spend time around other people who may be partaking in your addiction and you are in recovery.

Sobriety can be a dangerous thing - sometimes you find yourself trading one addiction for another. Find out why that's a potential problem in today's video. Don't forget to like and subscribe.

What is a dry drunk and how do you know if you are one? Dry drunk behavior is commonplace in addiction and recovery.

What's the point of being sober? We get asked this question ALL the time.

It's the final day of our 30 Days to Sobriety Success series and it's the most important one - TAKE ACTION! That's right - none of this means ANYTHING if you can't or won't take the action needed. Isn't it time for you to get sober now?

Hey everyone. So glad you have completed this course. I hope you enjoyed it. Remember, this is a complete holistic approach so it’s important to give equal amounts of effort in all the areas we talked about. Remember, this is a complete lifestyle not a quick fix and all of these areas will help you have a strong recovery. If you have any questions please feel free to reach out anytime. I’m always happy to help. Congratulations everyone! Bye!

This meditation encompasses multiple areas: your physical health, your social health and of course self-love. If you enjoy this meditation then check out my course titled, "Meditation for Addiction and Recovery."