Leadership Skills Mastery: Leading and Influencing by Design

I'm so glad you’re joining me! If I had known then what I know now, well, I guess that's why we’re doing this course, to take all the experiences I have had observing decades of effective and not so effective leaders, coaching those leaders, and observing my own leadership to get us here. It’s never too late to create a legacy you can be proud of.

One of the biggest challenges leaders face in advancing their careers is ensuring they don’t leave a bad impression or burn any bridges as they move up the corporate ladder.

Yes, of course some leaders can still advance without concern of their reputation, but those who are intentional in how they lead will do so with their reputations intact and in alignment with a set of values that allows them to truly leave a legacy they can be proud of when looking back on their career.

Have you ever sat back and pondered your leadership legacy? If not, let’s take a moment to do that now.

Get that pen and paper—it’s time to take notes. This is the interactive part, as I like to say.

How would people describe you as a leader? What adjectives might they use? Pause for a moment and visualize someone speaking about you. What do you see and hear?

Inspirational? Honest? Trustworthy? A champion of me and my ideas? Someone I feel safe with? Be honest with this part. Don’t worry, no one is listening. Just you. It’s time to be honest with you. Be kind to yourself, but be honest.

Now, what adjectives would you like them to use instead that they might not already be using? What could make their description of you EVEN BETTER in your eyes?

Here’s the thing about leadership. It’s heavily influenced by the reputation, the energy, and the style you as a leader emit in all that you do.

Real Life Example

I remember working with a global leader who was required to travel to all of our manufacturing locations on a regular basis. He was implementing process improvement programs. Let’s call him Tom. Tom was very good at what he did; however, he could be so much better.

Imagine a boat going way too fast through a no-wake zone. Big waves hitting the docks and roughing up boats and kayakers on both sides as the boat plows through the channel with no concern or awareness. This was Tom. TOM LEFT A WAKE every where he went.

He was so caught up in getting the work done that it was like he had blinders on—a one-track mind if you will. The teams he spoke to appreciated his ideas and new ways of doing things, but Tom led by ignoring the experiences and relationships around him, and no one liked that.

Tom didn't see the signs when the teams around him were having a hard time processing and moving through change. As a result? Tom wasn’t a well-liked leader.

How was he described after he left each facility?

“That guy’s moving way too fast! Such a bull in a china shop!”

“He doesn’t care what we think. He’s such a jerk.”

“I don’t think he’s really listening to us. He has great ideas, but he doesn’t seem to care!”

“Who does he think he is coming in here all high and mighty acting like he knows better than us! He hasn’t worked here as long as I have! ”

Initially this was a major blind spot for Tom. He literally didn’t realize he was leaving a wake. His strengths of urgency, speed, bias for action, and strong willed approach were on overdrive and, as a result, turning into a number of areas for improvement.

Fortunately, with some regular feedback, guidance, and coaching from his direct manager and personally from me as his Human Resources business partner, he started realizing he had some work to do if he wanted to continue to be successful with our company. This is where he learned how to observe himself.

Accepting Constructive Feedback

Why do you think Tom was open to receiving feedback after having been so sure of himself out in the field all those years?

If you’re interested in growing in your field or getting promoted, the best thing you’ll ever learn to do is graciously accept constructive feedback. Let me repeat that, the best thing anyone can do who aspires to greater job opportunities and leadership promotions is to openly, curiously, and eagerly listen to and implement developmental feedback about their leadership style and approach. Oh and may I please add, WITHOUT GETTING DEFENSIVE! Just sayin’. That tends to get in the way. But you probably already know that.

That must be why you are here now taking this course, right? You’re ready! You want to know how it’s done! You want to know the secrets to legacy leadership.

Good for you!

You Have What it Takes to Lead

Remember, everyone is a leader! Even if you don’t have direct reports right now, you are leading yourself and others by role modeling and influencing them with your way of being. Your way of BEING!

I’m an ontological coach, and I help my client see themselves and help them know and understand their way of BEING. This is the secret sauce to success.

I like to remind everyone that every action, every interaction, and every reaction tells the world who you are. At least in that moment... The question is: Who do you want to be? And how conscious and intentional are you in showing up in a way that demonstrates that way of Being?

In this course, I’ll walk you through creating your very own Legacy Leadership approach to your career. With these insights and your attention to defining your standards and your values, this will allow you to intentionally Lead by Design and leave a leadership legacy you will be proud of AND you’d be proud to tell your grandchild about!

Ready to Lead by Design? Let’s do this.

Happy Designing!

Welcome to Lesson 2! As a leader, how do you know if you’ve left a good impression? Before we answer that, let’s start with what a good impression means to you and why it may or may not even matter.

Let me share an experience about a former employee we’ll call Sonja, who knew she wanted to leave a legacy of satisfied customers, values-based interactions, and solid results. She also knew she wanted to continue to expand her leadership to larger teams. She wanted to get promoted and keep growing in her job!

Sonja was so eager to progress in her career that somewhere along the path even with her solid results, she lost her confidence. She had aspirations of running our southeast sales region and, with time, I believed she was capable of successfully doing so. But not quite yet.

For some reason, we began to notice that Sonja didn’t allow herself to embody the role of a leader. The leader she aspired to be. She didn’t exude the leadership presence and confidence that would be absolutely necessary for her to continue to grow and assume the role of the regional sales leader she had her eye on.

When she was with her clients out in the field, she was confident, strong, and put forth the type of leadership presence our company wanted. We were very pleased in the way she held herself publicly, and that along with her results was why she was on track for promotion. However, we did notice something that was getting in her way… Sonja had what felt like a constant need for external validation from everyone, which is why she wasn’t yet ready to move to the next level.

So who should have been giving Sonja the validation she needed? Sonja.

This is the real crux of any solid, successful leader in the world. Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Learning to Trust Yourself

There’s a fine line between balancing other’s inputs with your own awareness and confidence. This is shifting away from worrying about what others think of you. What do I mean by that? Your choices in life either align with your goals and values, or they don’t. The same goes for others’ opinions and impressions of you.

A legacy leader spends more time focusing on their relationship with themselves, growing their own competencies, and consciously setting intentions for what they want in partnership with their organizations. They are constantly looking for a win-win result. A legacy leader should not get lost in the never-ending pursuit of a “please confirm my worth for me” way of being. Legacy leaders know they are good enough with or without the identity of their role, their company, or their career.

Now of course everybody likes and deserves positive feedback to validate the behavior the company wants to see more of. When you do a good job, it's really nice to hear it! But that shouldn't be the goal. And that goal was getting in the way of Sonja’s growth.

Putting it Into Practice

You are the only one who can make anything mean anything when it comes to getting what you want in your career.

Sonja didn’t get promoted to that regional sales leader role the next time it became available. She still wasn’t ready.

“Do you trust yourself?” I asked her.

“Sometimes,” she said.

Sonja trusted herself with her customers, but behind the scenes she didn’t trust herself as a future regional leader. I had to remind her that the trust she had for herself externally with the customers was the same trust she could pick up and apply to herself on her career path. Those were the facts! It’s true wherever you apply it.

Sonja never thought about it that way before. This was actually an aha moment for her as she was able to step back and see that she had proven herself already. Embodying that confidence fully in all areas of her career was the last step in preparing to take on the next level of leadership successfully!

If the impression you leave behind prevents you from moving toward what you want, then perhaps that “bad impression” isn’t going to help you win. That just means it’s time to either repair the impression, ignore it, edit your way of being, or move on without concern.

Remember that everyone else around you is coming from their own background of insecurities and concerns about how they are being perceived, too.

Legacy Leaders understand that everyone is doing the best they can, including themselves.

And every day offers them a clean sheet of paper to start over….

You’ve got this!

Happy Designing!

Welcome to lecture 4! Ready to get an A as a leader? Now that you have reflected on what others see in you, what you see, and want to see more of in you and have aligned that under your umbrella of WHY … let’s start putting legacy skills in place to practice and master Leading by Design!

In this lesson, we’re going to go over 4 A’s every Legacy Leader should follow within their role as a leader. We’re going to dive into what it’s like to acknowledge, accept, allow, and ask—all in an effort to become a more effective legacy leader for the people who are looking up to you to guide and lead them forward toward success.

ACKNOWLEDGE + ACCEPT:

Get your bearings—always own whatever situation you find yourself in. Not only for the state of the business but also for your own state of mind!

Acknowledge what is actually happening whether it be a challenge or an opportunity. Acknowledging where you are as a leader of a team, a business owner, or as an individual contributor is critically key to reducing stress and any suffering for yourself and others around you. If you don’t acknowledge where you are and all the feelings you and those around you are experiencing, there is risk of resistance and avoidance of what is. Setting everyone up for frustration and failure.

Accept where you are. Be here now. Leaders understand the power of presence. Focusing on the now by looking at and reviewing the facts you’ve just acknowledged and making sure you know exactly what hand you’ve been dealt is the next step. Don’t just assume. Don’t take your past leadership success for granted as that could come back to haunt you. Accept the facts.

I remember being hired as the top human resources director for a company that was being positioned for growth. I was hired to lead the talent and workforce planning for that effort. I knew we would have to reorganize and realign our skillset of talent to position ourselves most optimally for acquisition and growth. This meant eventual layoffs. That was made clear to me during the interview process.

On the first day of the job, however, I was handed an NDA (non-disclosure agreement) and informed that the decision of who, what, and when had already been determined. Within six weeks we would be announcing layoffs! All of this had already been decided without my insight, input, or awareness. This was not what I had been told during the interview process and not what I expected on day one of the job.

I remember lying in bed that night, a bit in shock, realizing that my first hundred-day plan now needed to be thrown out the window. I was literally hitting the ground running at a full sprint! I had a choice. I could react and complain that “this wasn’t what I was told,” or I could “ acknowledge my shock and accept the facts, ma’am,” and immediately embrace my new reality and get to work. I chose the latter.

Can you see any benefit of me responding any other way?

Your Options

Suffering is always optional. Acknowledge you’re having a moment! And remember, acceptance prevents suffering. Acknowledging others ALSO helps you lead! No matter what you face, you can be at choice, and acknowledging and accepting are the first steps.

If you have a current set of employees and clients, it’s important to know exactly who they are and where they are in their lifecycle with you as an employer or business partner. Acknowledging those around you and establishing relationships with them is key for a legacy leader. Know your team, and make sure they know you.

Find ways to acknowledge their efforts in the midst of new circumstances yes, but also in day-to-day life. Help them by role modeling these two steps of Acknowledgment and Acceptance.

And when a challenge arises, don’t assume they know anything. Err on the side of more is better, and over educate them. Helping them acknowledge the state of things with your ongoing communication and support will keep everyone from guessing or running for the hills at the first hint of fear, uncertainty, and doubt for your business during a time of change. Always own your situation, own your business, own your role as a leader.

Leaders know that no one is going to save them. This is their experience to navigate, so they accept it, acknowledge it, and own it!

ALLOW + ASK

Leadership is about awareness of self and emotional agility. Learning how to ALLOW and ASK are key strategic skills to practice.

Allow your emotional state of mind. Your emotions are just energy—e-motion, energy in motion—reminding you what matters most and what you care about for yourself, your business, your family, and your community.

Let’s be clear. Leaders aren’t robots and aren’t supposed to maintain a non-emotional state to be effective. I’ve seen a lot of leaders who think this is the case. Of course you’re going to be emotional. You are an emotional being! Practice allowing emotional reactions to happen, but don’t get stuck there. It’s not that you go there, it’s how long you stay there!

Ask for someone to listen—a close confidante, a partner, spouse, counselor, or coach. Leverage your support group, and ask for validation. Find someone who shares your experience, and ask for them to give you advice to consider.

How good are you at ASKING for help? Support? Guidance?

Remember, when you repeatedly wake up at 3 a.m. and aren’t able to get back to sleep because you can’t figure something out, maybe it’s time to ask for help. Your ability to maneuver and navigate this with others will bring on greater success than if you try to deal with this all by yourself. You are not alone! Don’t act like you are.

No one is going to come rescue you, but people will support you.

Happy Designing!

Welcome to Lesson 4! Let’s move into the ANOTHER set of Leadership A’s that are necessary for all legacy leaders. I told you you were going to get an A.

Practice this, and you will always be on the honor roll, I promise!

We’re going to talk about what it means to adopt, adapt, avoid, and act intentionally as a legacy leader, especially when it comes to leading a group of people through a difficult time. I also want to talk a little about what it means to trust your gut—it’s one of the best tools that you have as a leader!

ADOPT + ADAPT:

Things are often not business as usual. A savvy leader doesn’t get too bogged down in his or her circumstances. Leaders intentionally keep an eye on what is possible with other businesses and organizations in their space. And legacy leaders don’t keep a heads-down approach inside their businesses either but continuously ask for feedback and get insights from those around them. How do they do this? They wear a hat of curiosity and intrigue all the time.

Adopting a curiosity mindset helps you see what you might have missed under stress.

Adapting to any new situation requires a release of the fear, uncertainty, and doubt, validating it, then turning toward education. You can’t just sit there—do something. Start by perking your ears up. Listen. Spend less time looking at the bad news around you and more time observing examples of other business’ pivots and what might go right! You can pivot, too. You can adopt best practices and adapt them to your own circumstances. Go for it! Ask yourself, “Will what got me here get me to my next goal, too?”

AVOID + ACT:

Avoid negativity in the way you’re showing up at work with clients, with employees, and with your family at all costs—suspend disbelief that your approach to leadership or the action plan you have in place isn’t going to work (as much as possible). It doesn’t have to be black and white. There is a grey area. Find this if you are challenged with seeing the optimistic light at the end of the tunnel. Decide that it isn’t a train!

Act on your intuitive thoughts whenever you feel led. What are intuitive thoughts? Well, basically, your gut already knows what to do. Trust yourself. Notice if you’re hesitating and getting stuck… maybe you need to go back to the first 4 A’s and reflect before acting. That’s normal—this isn’t linear, this is flow. Reflecting before heading into ACTION? Very strategic Leading by Design.

Putting it in Action

Let me give you an example of a time when I was the HR leader for a division in a large multinational company, and my intuition made the right call for me, even though I wasn’t convinced it was the right decision.

Oftentimes, we would integrate companies that had been acquired, and I would end up with too many employees in the integrated state of things. In one instance I ended up with some leadership that made the human resources team look top-heavy. Too many cooks in the kitchen, we joked.

Typically, layoffs are expected and required in the HR world. And in this situation, laying off two seasoned HR leaders was the easy solution that would save the company over $500,000 that year alone! In the eyes of many business leaders, that was a slam dunk decision and one they expected me to make without question.

But I struggled with this pressure as a young leader, and although I was very experienced in mergers and acquisitions, I wondered if pushing back on this restructuring decision was going to come back to haunt me.

My gut told me that taking these leaders out too soon would be a major mistake and cause a negative ripple effect on the integration efforts and the ultimate financial and cultural synergies we anticipated. I knew that those HR leaders knew more about the back end of that business than my team and I could ever learn before I was supposed to remove them from the organization.

So I didn’t do it. I had to push back on that half-a-million in savings and really listen to my gut when it told me I needed at least 18 months with them in order for us to transfer knowledge. And that was pushing it! My leadership’s reaction? Not pleased about my stance, but my argument was sound and I held my ground.

Was I sure I was right? No. But I knew the risk of failure without them would immediately be evident if I ignored my gut.

Trusting Your Gut

So how do you learn to trust your gut? RELAX.

This may seem a bit counterintuitive but you want to learn how to trust your gut? Stop working so hard—go home. Leave work early. Spend time alone doing something completely different—walking, exercising, being creative, etc.—so you can get your creative juices flowing. Sit still often. Meditate and spend intentional time reflecting on your daily actions and decision making. Learn to relax enough to hear the voice inside you that is not your ego.

But how do you avoid the negative feelings and thoughts that cause you to struggle as a leader? Great question. You don’t avoid them—you embrace them, then you decide what you want.

I had to learn as a leader of myself that in order to have the career I had as a global Human Resources leader, I couldn’t waste my time suffering over the choices. Notice if you find yourself falling in and out of choice.

How often are you consciously in one of the following spaces?

• Should

• Have To

• Need To

• Want To

• Choose To

Legacy leaders lead with minimal effort. They are very intentional in their approach to life and leadership decision making. That, my friend, is now YOU!

Happy Designing!

Welcome to Lesson 5! I know what you’re thinking. Nicoa, all these things you’ve shared are great, but how do I get out of my own way to truly practice implementing them?

Well, I am so glad you asked!

Remember that the fact you and I are talking about this during this course means you are more than ready to Lead by Design instead of default.

AND the dialogue we have had so far can't be unknown. At this point, it’s pretty much impossible for you to forget that you’re intentionally designing your legacy as a leader with every action, reaction, and interaction! Right?! You are doing that simply by engaging and observing yourself and intentionally choosing a path forward.

But you’re right! Sometimes it’s hard, and sometimes we forget and that’s okay, too. Give yourself a break. BUT KEEP OBSERVING.

In order to observe yourself, FIRST THINGS FIRST, you have got to slow it down…..

Reflect on your way of being often without judgement of good or bad but simply asking yourself, “Is how I’m showing up getting me what I want? Is this approach serving me or not in how I’m leading myself and others?” And again, keep going back to “What do I want? How is what I am doing getting me what I want? If I’m not getting what I want, am I willing time try a different way?”

Putting it into practice. Here is a critical, basic tip you can begin NOW.

My mother used to remind me when I was calling her all stressed out about life and my job that it was my responsibility to ensure I was scheduling time for me. Just me. During the very busy days that I had, she encouraged me to set aside what she called PPT—Personal Planning Time!

If you aren’t prioritizing your schedule to include time for just you to reflect and review how things are going DURING YOUR DAY, then of course you’re going to wake up at 3 a.m. and not get back to sleep due to ruminating and worrying.

I would literally add an hour or more on my calendar usually before or after lunch a couple times a week AND book a conference room down the hall to formalize my appointment with myself. This let me hide for a bit from the constant barrage of employees at my door! It usually just said PPT on the calendar, and only me and my assistant knew what it meant.

I’d get my favorite day time beverage and take that time to really reflect. I forced myself to stop and observe myself and my results and understand what mattered most to me at that moment. Honestly, this often began with about 10 minutes of mindless staring out at the trees, a necessary grounding step for me for sure. After doing this, I’d create a plan to lead myself and others into alignment with intention. With every item in my to do list.

Did it always work? No. But I did practice it enough that it became a habit.

I’ve come to love this little exercise and it has followed me to the point where I can now incorporate the practice quickly throughout my day. No need for a formal sit down review, because I can do this when transitioning from the car to the house.

And all you need is 60 seconds OR LESS! Want to know my favorite practice for that? You may have heard me share this before but in this case it is a CRITICAL practice I invite you to add to your toolkit permanently!

Lesson Activity

EXERCISE:
S.O.U.L. - SOULful Living is Mindful Living

Do it with me. I want you to stand up and walk around the room for a moment. Relax your body, now STOP.

STOP—Be mindful, be here, now...Relax, take a deep breath, be in this moment fully.

OBSERVE—What role are you in? Where are you? What hat are you wearing at this moment? Employer, spouse, partner, friend, client...

UNDERSTAND—What matters most to you in this role, in this situation? What are the values you want to apply here?

LIVE/LEAD/LISTEN/LOVE/LAUGH—NOW, live the legacy you want to leave behind by aligning your behaviors to those values. Be at choice.

This practice is the most practical, conscious way to get out of your own way. You are your best ally when it comes to removing fear, uncertainty, and doubt about how you show up in the world. It will always start and end with self-dialogue, what you’re making things mean, and where and how you plan to intentionally act and move forward in the life you are designing.

SOULful living is mindful living. Oh, and SOULful leading is mindful leading, too!

Happy designing!

Hey there! Welcome to Lesson 6!

Throughout this course, we’ve focused on your ability to lead yourself more than we’ve discussed leading others. Did you notice that?

But why is it important for a leader to learn to lead themselves before they learn to lead others? It comes down to this: A Legacy Leader is able to separate him or herself from the goals at hand. They focus on being their best self FIRST, and they learn how to remove their identity from the work they choose to do. From that space of wholeness, a legacy leader ALSO knows which direction they’re moving toward, and they didn’t just happen upon that direction by accident one day.

By doing the work, they led themselves to that decision consciously, and they knew when they’d reached the right answer. A legacy leader knows where they’re going in an engaged, detached way to ensure smart strategic approaches to getting what they want. And guess what? As a result, their people feel safer, more loyal, and will follow them there.

If you take away only one key message for the rest of your life, I want it to be that you have the ability to observe yourself. When you’re an observer of you and how you show up for yourself in the face of challenges and opportunities, you put yourself at a place of CHOICE. And that, my friend, can make or break the legacy you are creating.

• Remember, ask yourself, do your choices align with your values?

• Be curious and inquire how others see you as you lead.

• Get to know, love, and validate yourself. It’s your job, no one else’s!

• Acknowledge and accept where you, your company, and your employees are frequently!

• Adopt a curiosity mindset, and adapt your approach daily to ensure you’re on track to your personal and leadership goals.

• Avoid negativity by observing your thoughts and language and shifting them if they don’t attract more of what you want in life.

• Act on your intuitive thoughts, and listen to your inner voice! Engage with your body and it’s knowing. Trust your gut!

• Prioritize and celebrate yourself along the way with the intention to leave a legacy!

And how do you keep all that in mind after this course? How do you ensure you’re being intentional with your leadership approach? By knowing what matters most to your organization and balancing your leadership by choosing actions that are in alignment with what matters most to YOU.

Remember What Really Matters Most

Every action, every reaction, and every interaction is telling a story—YOUR leadership story. By practicing self-awareness and intentional leadership decision making, you’re wearing a hat of curiosity, which can help you create the ease and confidence you crave. Fostering this way of Being with the practices outlined in this course will give you the lifelong foundation needed to step more boldly into your leadership style and approach.

Keep Asking Yourself Questions

Ask yourself:

What are my values as a leader? How is what i’m currently doing getting me what I want in alignment to those values?

Know if you are being perceived by others the way you want to be perceived. What self-priority practices will you put in place going forward to continue to be your best leadership self?

You get to decide what leadership story you are going to tell each day. You are the leader! It’s time to lead yourself toward a life you’re proud of and leave a legacy you desire.

And, you know what? You honestly can’t get this thing called leadership wrong. Your approach simply may or may not serve you in moving toward your goals and what you want. But don’t fret, because that’s living, and that’s life and leadership.

Keep practicing, have faith, and trust and act in alignment with your values by applying all the things this course has to offer. If you do that, there’s no doubt in my mind that You Can, You Will, You Are prepared to move through any challenges or opportunities you may face as a leader. You are a legacy in the making!

Now that you’ve completed this course, you have the essential practices and skills to foster and intentionally design each situation for the best as leadership opportunities present themselves.

Successful leadership always starts from within!

Happy Designing!