Get out of the Relationship Death Cycle & Improve Connection
4.6 (6 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
73 students enrolled

Get out of the Relationship Death Cycle & Improve Connection

Learn that patterns of behavior that unravel connection and key steps to repair the damage of the broken relationship.
4.6 (6 ratings)
Course Ratings are calculated from individual students’ ratings and a variety of other signals, like age of rating and reliability, to ensure that they reflect course quality fairly and accurately.
73 students enrolled
Last updated 7/2015
English [Auto-generated]
Current price: $37.99 Original price: $54.99 Discount: 31% off
5 hours left at this price!
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This course includes
  • 1 hour on-demand video
  • 1 downloadable resource
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
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What you'll learn
  • Understand the difference between codepedent behaviors and effective dependency
  • See how wounds from the past led to building walls of protection that led to prisons of defensiveness
  • Determine which games you and your partner play in the relationship death spiral
  • Identify key steps for getting out of the spiral safely
  • Increase awareness of barriers to connecting at a deeper level
  • Use empathic vulnerability as a way of deepening connection with your loved one
  • Although not manditory, students would benefit from taking the other courses dealing with addiction offered by Udemy by this instructor.

This course explores the way in which couples find themselves disconnected in their relationship. It is based on 30 years of research by Sue Johnson, the founder of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. The course takes a look at how couples engage in similar patterns of behavior when they are emotionally wounded as a way of coping with how they feel. Often times, these patterns lead to disconnection rather than desired closeness.

The course will take a few hours to complete. Students will be given handouts along with the course that they can use to discuss the principles taught with their partner.

The course contains a collection of short educational videos that outline ways to build deeper connection and the barriers to connection.

If you or a loved one is affected by addiction in your relationship, this course will help you to have a better understanding of steps that can be taken to begin the healing process.

Who this course is for:
  • This course was created for couples who are struggling disconnection in part because one (or both) of the partners are battling addiction. However, the principles in the course can be applicable to any couple who is seeking deeper connection. The course covers a basic overview of the traps and patterns that couples find themselves in that undermine connection. It also covers ways to step out of the pattern. This course is not a substitute for couples counseling.
  • Individuals who are looking at understanding patterns of disconnection and looking for tools to improve their relationship will find value in this course.
Course content
Expand all 8 lectures 59:50
+ Understanding Attachment Wounds and Defenses
2 lectures 07:37

Students will understand how attachment wounds can lead to behaviors that disrupt connection. Students will observe how there are typically two ways of dealing with the pain - pulling away or going on the attack.

Students will also learn how defense mechanisms that originally were built as a way of protection lead to entrapment in pain. Students are asked to consider what some of their defenses have been and how they still use today.

Preview 05:24

Students will learn that being dependent on others is not necessarily a bad thing depending on how it is done.

Students will see that co-dependent behaviors are based on not taking any personal ownership for ones own feelings and behaviors. They will also see that Effective Dependency is different in that the person takes ownership for their own feelings and behaviors and then seeks for healthy ways to share these with others.

Preview 02:13

Show understanding of the difference between the two.

Codependency and Effective Dependency
3 questions
+ The Games We Play in the Death Spiral
4 lectures 27:30

Students will learn about the four styles of behavior that leads to disconnection:

  1. District Attorney - Blaming, Attacking, Finding the Bad Guy
  2. Union President - Playing the Victim, going on strike
  3. Fire Chief - Trying to rescue the other person, trying to fix things, telling people what to do
  4. Escape Artist - Finding a way out of the situation

Students will see how when one person in the relationship starts to play dress up, the other the person tends to start playing dress up too.

Preview 12:33

Students will learn keep steps to getting out of the cycle. Students will see that the other person in the relationship is not the enemy.

  1. See that we are in the spiral, calling it out, and stopping it
  2. Identify which games you were just playing
  3. Own which emotions are present that led to playing dress up in the first place
  4. Share the core emotions
  5. Ask for what you need
Key Steps to Getting out of the Spiral

Students will explore the process of going deeper into emotion with one's partner and the fear that may arise in doing so. Students will see that naming the emotion instead of hiding it provides power to move towards connection.

Explore the Fear of Vulnerability

Students will see how empathy is crucial to encouraging intimacy. Students will learn the difference between empathy and sympathy.

Empathy - The Key to Increasing Intimacy
Codependency and Effective Dependency
3 questions
+ Growing up
2 lectures 24:43

Students will explore some of the barriers that make it harder to be vulnerable. Students will learn that there are tools and resources that can help overcome the barriers.

Barriers to Connection

Based on the work of Mary Pipher, PhD, students will explore the 12 skills of the adult self. Students will rate themselves on how well they have mastered these skills. Students are encouraged to download the rating form prior to viewing this video.

The Skills of the Adult Self