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How to have joyful, meaningful and harmonious relationships

Name: How to have joyful, meaningful and harmonious relationships
Rating: 4.8 (63 reviews)

When we feel inter-connected we are happy, kind, effective and contribute meaningfully. How can we discover this?

Created bySwamini Brahmaprajnananda Saraswati

Last updated 7/2019

English

What you'll learn

You will be able to discover the richness and simplicity of the ancient guide of dharma in your life and in your heart
You will see that all conflicts in relationships are due to dharma not being upheld and hence you will be able to resolve conflicts by realigning your life
You will be able to balance the different areas of your life because you are now grounded in dharma
You will be more joyful as you will be able to uphold your interconnectedness with everything
Further, you will be able to Change wisely, Open your heart to your relationships and hence life, Value and embrace your relationships and rejoice in them

Course content

11 sections • 26 lectures • 2h 10m total length

Welcome everyone5:51
Namaste.

Welcome everyone! Congratulations on joining this course.

It is with much joy, warmth and respect that I welcome you into this sacred and consecrated  space of the course.

The space is sacred because the wisdom that will be shared has been shared by rishis, ancient masters across generations.

The space is sacred because you have opened your heart to the possibility of learning and growing.

The space is sacred because you are sacred.

For, you are as much as I am.
How will we undertake the journey of the course?2:59
In joining this course, the course of your life will be illumined with a lot of light and loving wisdom.

The journey will be: gentle and tough,         disciplined and relaxed,    uncomfortable (in parts) yet extremely joyful,     appear confusing yet completely clear.

More than anything, it will be an embrace of your own wisdom and joy that you will discover when you are in harmony with yourself and the world, through dharma.

In this sacred space that we call the course, there are :

1. Video lessons to watch, assimilate and act on.

2. Reflective exercises for you to complete

3. Guided meditations

4. Assignments

5. Articles to read and download in the 'Resources section'

I encourage you to start the practice of starting your own personal journal wherein you record your ideas, thoughts and reflections as you progress through the lessons.

You will get the most out of the course if you go through it. Only if you go through it, the course will go through you. The key word is 'steady' even if it is slow. Keep at it.

I am here with you all the way, in the way that you wish: either as a silent presence or a travelling companion who will engage with you, if you have any questions or as a mirror if you want to share your reflections or a guide by the side as you complete the different steps of this journey. You may also wish to engage with your other companions on this journey as cotravellers through the common forum. You are in charge!

This course hardly has the mention of should-s or should-nots, which is what we hear when we hear anything related to dharma. I know you won't believe it but I rebelled against every 'should' that society or certain ideologies placed on me. That's part of the reason why I am a monk:) I don't preach as I do not expect you to believe anything.

Beliefs are subject to verification whereas there is a finality in knowledge. My emphasis is on sharing wisdom just as my gurus shared with me.

In accepting this offering, you have helped me serve my gurus and for this, your presence and your 'Yes' to the course, I am grateful and joyful.

:) Om.

Discover the meaning of dharma6:45
By watching this video lesson, you will have a clearer understanding of dharma, its many meanings and what we will focus on, in this course.
Dharma comes from Sanskrit word 'dhri' which means :.

'that which upholds' or

'that without which nothing can stand' or

''that which maintains stability and harmony of universe''.

Depending upon the context, dharma can mean anyone or more or all of these,

Universal principles and ethics,
Natural, innate behavior of things, (e.g. dharma of water is to flow)
Duty in the form of responsibilities towards one another and hence meeting the rights of the others
The principle of cause and effect here and in the hereafter, i.e. death. Our experiences (good, bad or ugly) are the result of our karma (will based action) based on dharma.

There is no English equivalent for the word ‘dharma’ and hence it is a non translatable. Dharma is Dharma and must be understood.
The order which protects us if we protect it. (‘Dharmo rakshati rakshitah’).

Vedic wisdom is the wisdom of the Vedas which are revealed knowledge to Rishis, ancient masters by Bhagavan, God himself. Vedic wisdom maps all human needs into four broad areas:

1. Dharma (universal principles or ethical standards): the goal of aligning one’s behaviour to scripturally sanctioned ethical norms in order to obtain merit or avoid demerit in this life or the next; or,

for the one who is not an adherent to any particular scriptural sanctions, simply the universal set of ethical standards mandated by human free will and shaped by one’s wish to be treated in a certain manner by one’s fellow human beings.

Dharma then forms the framework within which to gain the next two goals of security and pleasure.

2. Artha (security): the goal of acquiring all the things which one thinks will make one secure – money, property, possessions, power, influence, name and fame.

3. Kãma (pleasures): the goal of enjoying the varieties of pleasures life affords – physical comforts, sensory delights, mind-pleasing escapes.

4. Moksa (liberation): the goal of discovering freedom from self judgment, freedom from change, age, death, grief, loss; escape from a never ending sense of inadequacy and incompleteness – from all forms of limitation; the desire to be rid of desire itself.

This course is FOCUSED on dharma as it is the framework for our relating and living.

The establishment of dharma in our lives creates a solid foundation for the pursuit of moksha, if one so chooses it.

What is dharma?

Discover that dharma cannot be dismissed1:12

Principles and ethics which are accepted because they have been imposed as

advice,

counsel,

admonition or

obligation

are NOT assimilated principles but are restraint or conditioning. To assimilate principles, we first discover what I stand to gain and what I stand to lose.

We resist principles and values. (For an enquiry into this, you can read - Our reaction to morals, shoulds and ethics - an enquiry - Available in the resources section)

We think that we have choices to do the right thing or the wrong thing.

It is true that we have choices about our actions but do we have a choice about how we feel when we do the wrong thing?

Let's see an excerpt from the book, 'The Value of Values' (excerpt also available to download in the Resources section)

Ethical Values cannot be Dismissed

" Can I safely dismiss a concern for values? No. I cannot escape from values because no one living in this world can escape relationships; based upon his concern that he may not be hurt or disturbed. When I perform an action that is a non-value for me, I create a seed of guilt, which is all that is needed to produce sleeplessness, fear and conflict. Even small lies create problems, like the lies sometimes told regarding one’s age. Truth about one’s age may seem a simple, unimportant thing, but small likes register inside as conflicts.

Values and Conflict

No one wants a mind in conflict. A mind in conflict is not a desirable mind. Once conflicts are there, problems of the mind are unavoidable: self-condemnation, regret, a guilt, a sense of failure are the products of mental conflict."

We are in harmony when we are in harmony with our value structure.

Is Dharma Hindu or a religion?2:52

You will be able to clarify some commonly held ideas about dharma and hence be more welcoming to receive ancient wisdom.

There is no English equivalent for the word ‘dharma’ and hence it is a non translatable. Dharma is not Hindu or a religion. In fact, all emerging religions from India such as Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism and of course Hinduism are known to be dharmic traditions because the basis of dharma in them is common.

The Vedic tradition that was preserved in India is called 'sanaatana dharma.

Hinduism is a term that was given by the Persians for the religion that lay on the other side of the Sindhu river. The term ‘Hinduism was given because other religions emerged and it was important to distinguish these from Sanaatana dharma.

Sanaatana dharma is the most ancient body of knowledge in humanity and is intact because it is a live tradition coming down from generations. Even Indians cannot claim that it belongs to them.

Sanaatana Dharma or dharma is too ancient for anyone to claim as theirs. Indians are fortunate enough to be the current managing trustees, sharing it with the whole world.

Discover that dharma is universal not absolute but relative in application6:33

Reading about this lesson and watching the video will offer profound insights into the universality of dharma but relativity of application. You will be motivated to align the different standards of dharma you have for yourself and others.

Dharma as Ethical Values: Universal in Content – Relative in Application

The universality of codes of acceptable conduct, that is, of general ethical standards, does not mean that these standards are absolute.

Dharma-s and adharma-s are relative. There are situations where what is considered ethical becomes unethical, depending upon context. That a standard may be relative does not mean that it is purely subjective.

Although relative sometimes in applicability, basic ethical standards have a universal content. There is a similarity in everyone’s reaction to being hurt, cheated, lied to and bullied.

Ethical standards are based on a human consensus regarding what is the acceptable conduct; this consensus is not negated by the fact that the norms may be subject to interpretation in some situations.

Even such a pronounced, clear value as non-injury to myself is modified by circumstance when I willingly submit to the surgeon’s knife. Such a suspension of my value for non-injury to myself is situational and does not affect my basic value for non-injury to myself or its extensions – my general value for non-injury to all beings.

Although my norms or values for behaviour and attitude, themselves, may not be subjective, my interpretation of these values is very likely to be highly subjective.

My values are universal in content but relative and situational in my application of them.

For example, I am likely to apply a value for truthfulness very consistently and absolutely to the words of others: to my own words my application will be much less consistent and quite relative to the situation.

In general practice I will apply values more consistently and more absolutely to others than to myself. After all, the source of my values is found in the way in which I want others to treat me which becomes my norm for ‘good’ behaviour. I find it easy to have others observe ethical standards, so I can be the beneficiary. It seems less easy for me to be consistent in the application of these standards to my own behaviour.

(Excerpt from The value of values - Swami Dayananda Saraswati). Available in the Resources section)

Awaken to the five sets of relationships that you did not know you had3:54
When it comes to the word, 'relationship', we think only about our relationships with human beings.
The Rishis, ancient masters had an all embracing and all ecompassing vision of relationships which is outlined in the video.
You will be able to expand your perspective of 'relationships' and will be free of the limiting perspective of relationships.
When you are aware of something (let's say, a new perspective), you pay attention to it.
When you pay attention to it, it starts to matter to you.
When it matters to you, you learn to engage with it and your life is much the richer for it.
Reflect on all your relationships in the light of this video
DISCOVER your relationship with the elements (Bhuta sambandha)5:07
We clearly see our interconnectedness with all the elements in this lesson.

After watching the video, please reflect and write on what you can do,

How will you transform your relationship with the elements into a reverential relationship of dharma?.

Please note that the resources section includes an exercise to be reflected upon and done after watching the video lesson.
DISCOVER your relationship with people (Manushya sambandha)5:17
Life involves relating.

We are interconnected whether we relate to each other or not.

After seeing the video, please write your reflections on your relations with people.

There is an assignment coming up now, 'How do we relate to each other'? Please complete the assignment.

Watching the video, doing the assignment is like looking into a clear mirror of the current state of your relationships. You will have a better view and significant insights about how you relate.

Please do the exercise on 'Reverential relationship with people' after you finish the assignment. You will be able to articulate whether you want to continue how you relate or whether you want to change. Once you have decided, there is nothing else to do but make the effort!

Well done !

Please note that Sections 4 - 8 of the course are helping us explore and take action in our relationships with people, primarily significant others.

We resume  learning about the other set of three relationships in Section 9.
How do we relate to each other

Discover what happens when you are children obsessed1:37
If you are a parent, then your children are very important to you. They better be important!. Or else, what is the point of being a parent? However, we need to recognise, what happens when we get obsessed with our children.
Obsession here means being consumed by your children, always preoccupied about something compulsively and usually to a troubling extent.

You will be able to understand if you have the symptoms of children obsession. Unless we spend some time understanding the symptoms of this condition, we won't appreciate the cure. If you feel uncomfortable about watching this video, take it as a very good sign. Sometimes, we find it easier to spot the symptoms in another person than ourselves. The focus is YOU, not the other person.

Self awareness is every accommodating much like space. Understanding the symptoms is seeing things for what they are. There is no judgment if you are simply aware.

In your awareness, you accommodate all ideas, views and even judgments if they are present.

You will have a better understanding, a sort of a helicopter view on your relationships with your children as you reflect on the video.

Please write your reflections after watching the video.
Discover what happens when you are partner obsessed4:32
Love makes the world go round. Until you start go around in circles :) wondering why love proves to be so elusive and delusive.

In the West, I find an obsession with romantic love and this has spread across the entire world, even in India. The most popular articles on the web or ever popular topics among friends for discussion are : How to get the lover you want? How to keep the lover you have?  How to be more attractive such that he /she never leaves you? etc etc . Nothing wrong with that. But, the excessive attention to romantic love bordering on obsession,  is what I am encouraging you to question.

Some of us think only about a romantic relationship, when we hear the sentence, 'how is your relationship going?' The romantic relationship has been made to bear the burden of being the most important relationship in certain cultures.

By watching this video, you will be able to understand if you have symptoms of partner obsession. Honestly, I don't know a single person who does not go through this, at some age or stage in life:). I know I have been there, done that!

Obsession, here, means being consumed by your relationship with your partner, always preoccupied about something compulsively and usually to a troubling extent.

Unless we spend some time understanding the symptoms of this condition of partner obsession, we won't appreciate the cure. If you feel uncomfortable about watching this video, take it as a very good sign. Sometimes, we find it easier to spot the symptoms in another person than ourselves. However, the focus is YOU, not the other person.

Self awareness is ever accommodating much like space. Understanding the symptoms is seeing things for what they are. There is no judgment if you are simply aware.

In your awareness, you accommodate all ideas, views and even judgments if they are present.

You will have a better understanding, a sort of a helicopter view on your relationship with your partner as you reflect on the video.

Please write your reflections after watching the video.
Discover what happens when you are work obsessed2:06
Work, any kind of work is important and has been across all civilsations.

But, with the advance of modern technology, surely the time for mundane chores has come down. We can truly create our life to be a work of art.

Our work could well be creating the life we want ! Would n't that be fulfilling?

Instead our relationship with work has taken on unhealthy proportions.

By watching this video, you will be able to understand if you have symptoms of work obsession. Honestly, I don't know a single person who does not go through this, at some age or stage in life:). I know I have been there, done that! I used to call myself a recovering workaholic, keeping in mind the principle that one was a work in progress :) But, that was a long, long time ago.

Work obsession, here, means being consumed by work, always preoccupied about something compulsively and usually to a troubling extent.

Unless we spend some time understanding the symptoms of this condition of work obsession, we won't appreciate the cure. If you feel uncomfortable about watching this video, take it as a very good sign. Sometimes, we find it easier to spot the symptoms in another person than ourselves. However, the focus is YOU, not the other person.

Self awareness is ever accommodating much like space. Understanding the symptoms is seeing things for what they are. There is no judgment if you are simply aware.

In your awareness, you accommodate all ideas, views and even judgments if they are present.

You will have a better understanding, a sort of a helicopter view on your relationship with your work/company/employer as you reflect on the video.

Please write your reflections after watching the video.
Discover what happens when you are money obsessed1:30
Money is what money does. Truly.

Everyone either needs to earn or manage the money they have or they get. There is no exception to this. Our relationship with money can often be a manifestation of our deep insecurity.
Money is inert. You can't have a relationship with it. But we do.

By watching this video, you will be able to understand if you have symptoms of money obsession. Honestly, I don't know a single person who does not go through this, at some age or stage in life:). Even a monk like me requires money for basic food, shelter and clothing.
Money obsession, here, means being consumed by money (how much of it you don't have, how to have more etc) always preoccupied about it compulsively and usually to a troubling extent.

Unless we spend some time understanding the symptoms of this condition of money obsession, we won't appreciate the cure. If you feel uncomfortable about watching this video, take it as a very good sign. Sometimes, we find it easier to spot the symptoms in another person than ourselves. However, the focus is YOU, not the other person.

Self awareness is ever accommodating much like space. Understanding the symptoms is seeing things for what they are. There is no judgment if you are simply aware.

In your awareness, you accommodate all ideas, views and even judgments if they are present.

You will have a better understanding, a sort of a helicopter view on your relationship with money as you reflect on the video.

Please write your reflections after watching the video.
Discover one centre of joy and wisdom that flows into all areas of life10:52
If dharma is the centre of your life then you can have it All –

You can have a fulfilling career,
sufficient finances,
harmony with partner,
joyful relationships with children,
friends and
even pursue your spiritual interests.
Discover how in discovering the value of dharma in your life , you have discovered a deep well of joy and wisdom.
Please do the assignment following this.

Discover the difference between the person and the role through an example6:36
Sharing an example
Apologies for the not so good audio quality in the video.
Discover how to stop obsessing about your roles5:41
Sometimes a helicopter view of our roles helps us to see that we are other than the roles.
Your life will never be the same in the understanding of this video lesson and the subsequent meditation that will require about 20 minutes.
Make the most of it! Enjoy!

Awaken to the blessings of three powers given to everyone, in every situation?7:00
After watching the video lesson, please write a list of all that the things that you feel helpless about in your relationships which you cannot do:

I cannot...

I cannot ....

After you complete the list, please keep aside twenty minutes to meditate by listening to the guided meditation in the resources section.

Come back to your list and strike out all the things that you thought you cannot do, because of your own fears and insecurities. CAN the Can(not)

You will be able to claim your powers in every situation of life which includes in your relating to everyone. You will never feel utterly helpless ever in your life after this lesson and meditation.

Realise who writes the scripts of your roles12:36
You will be able to be and feel more in charge as you awaken to who writes the script of your roles.
Note of caution: Some of us may feel let down because we think we are doing our dharma, while the other person is not. Watch out for the tendency to get self righteous .
Many a civilisation has been destroyed because of self righteousness and taking a morally superior position.
This course is for you.
You may think that others need to change but that is not in your hands. Of course, you have sulked, cajoled, persuaded, threatened, emotionally blackmailed others to change. It has not worked.
The external situation or your internal condition may be such that you need to change -
the change may be in your perspective,
the change may be in your attitude knowing that the person has a certain background and the person cannot help it,
the change may be in your behaviour,
You decide because you are in charge of your life.

Exercise on What are we giving and receiving?2:08
Do this as honestly as possible
Know that you were always the scriptwriter for all the roles in your life

Now with the understanding of dharma you become a phenomenally effective scriptwriter.
You can decide which roles require you to do more.
You can decide which roles require you to do less.
You can trim some of your roles
You can decide to add some more roles especially the roles related to our relationship with deities, ancestors and ancient masters.
You can decide to drop some of your roles
You can decide that you will no longer be the sidekick.
You may decide that you want to continue playing the sidekick
Know that the way you write the script allows you to live in harmony with others and allows you to live your life's purpose.

DISCOVER your relationship with ancestors (Pitra sambandha)5:51
Every culture has a way to relate to, honor and seek ancestral guidance and blessings.

We clearly see our interconnectedness with our ancestors in this lesson.

After watching the video, please reflect and write on what you can do,

How will you transform your relationship with the ancestors into a reverential relationship of dharma?.

Please note that the resources section includes an exercise to be reflected upon and done after watching the video lesson.
DISCOVER our relationship with ancient masters (Rishi sambandha)7:54
We clearly see our interconnectedness with the ancient masters in this lesson.

If you have tried any yoga asanas, it is because a rishi revealed the wisdom and the practice through the lineage.

If you have tried to meditate, it is because a rishi revealed the wisdom and the practice through the lineage.

If you have tried to chant some mantras, it is because a rishi revealed the wisdom and the practice, through the lineage.

After watching the video, please reflect and write on what you can do,

How will you transform your relationship with the ancient masters into a reverential relationship of dharma?.

Please note that the resources section includes an exercise to be reflected upon and done after watching the video lesson.
DISCOVER our relationship with deities (Deva sambandha)8:25
We clearly see our interconnectedness with deities in this lesson.

All ancient civilisations have related to deities that bless with health, prosperity, good fortune etc.  Relating to deities was never considered idol worship.
The Vedas (means of revealed knowledge)  recognise that all the laws of the world have intelligence, which rests in exalted, conscious beings.
The intelligence of any particular domain – prosperity, health, love, wisdom etc is presided by deities who bless with abundance.What is the logic we have that can disprove it? In fact, it is absolutely logical to think that any process or a complex phenomenon has a head of department presiding it.  Logic is limited and does not enter certain areas like love or even the subject matter of deities. Certain domains that are outside the scope of our knowledge are revealed by the Vedas.
After watching the video, please reflect and write on what you can do,

How will you transform your relationship with the deities into a reverential relationship of dharma?.

Please note that the resources section includes an exercise to be reflected upon and done after watching the video lesson.

Awaken to the connection of living a good life, dharma and feeling good4:24
If you thought living the good life was all about luxury and a certain lifestyle, you are right.
Lifestyle is what you are primarily engaged in which takes you closer to your goals.

Ancient principles never go out of style. Every time you feel good, you have done actions in line with dharma.

Discover a never before articulated connection of living the good life, feeling good and dharma.

Please share your reflections on what made you feel good this week and you will see the connections in your life. Of course, we know what you will resolve to do :)
Awaken the light of dharma which is you2:47
Enjoy!
What do you do if you have doubt ? Please watch the Story of the cloud of doubt4:51

How to have joyful, meaningful and harmonious relationships

What you'll learn

Course content

Requirements

Description

Who this course is for:

How to have joyful, meaningful and harmonious relationships

What you'll learn

Explore related topics

Course content

Introduction2 lectures • 9min

Discover the 'What and Why' of Dharma in life, now?4 lectures • 17min

Discover the joy and wisdom of your five sets of relationships3 lectures • 14min

Discover what happens when dharma is not the centre of your life5 lectures • 21min

Discover how to stop obsessing about your roles and have dharma as your centre2 lectures • 12min

What are the blessings of three powers given to everyone, in every situation?1 lecture • 7min

Realise who writes the scripts of your roles1 lecture • 13min

Discover what we are giving and receiving in our relationships1 lecture • 2min

(Contd.) Awaken to the five sets of relationships that you did not know you had3 lectures • 22min

Awaken to the connection of living a good life and feeling good3 lectures • 12min

Requirements

Description

Who this course is for: