Course "Naughty Kids"

In this lesson, we discuss:

1. Why a child needs attention and how to give it correctly

2. Why a child copies the behavior of other children and how parents should react to it properly.

This lesson shows you that if your child's behavior annoys you, it means they need your attention. Thanks to a simple algorithm, you will be able to give this attention correctly. The algorithm involves simultaneously following 4 simple steps:

1. Continue doing what you're doing

2. Avoid making eye contact with the child

3. Do not talk

4. Instantly give the child physical attention (e.g., hug)

You also learned why a child copies undesirable behavior from other children and how to react to it correctly.

When a child enters this world, they are surrounded by various people: mom, dad, grandparents, brothers, and sisters. All of these people will have their own expectations of the child, so it’s essential for the child to learn what personal boundaries are. Where their boundaries end and those of others begin. And at this point, conflicts are inevitable. But you, dear parents, will of course learn how to properly introduce rules into your child's life through this course, which will significantly reduce the number of conflicts and teach your child to “coexist” with others in a more harmonious way.

The second part of this lesson is dedicated to the idea that parents have the task of raising an independent child, and that overprotection kills this independence outright. If you recognize yourself as a parent who acts like an alarm clock or a constant reminder, now is the time to stop.

In the second lesson, we covered the 3rd and 4th reasons for children's misbehavior, specifically:

1. How a child tests their own and your boundaries through bad behavior
2. How the lack of age-appropriate skills affects misbehavior

To teach your child the basics of independence, use a cheat-sheet schedule (drawings, tasks, or pictures that the child can complete, choose, or stick in the order that seems right to them). The tasks can be completed in any sequence. Be sure to include time for games and entertainment in this schedule!

Pay special attention to how the child's brain develops overall. What stages it goes through before an impulsive, inexperienced child grows into a mature person.

Ah, this independence and autonomy! So much has been invented... We were obligated to obey our parents, and these modern trends are just spoiling our children. Is this really the case? We'll explore this in the next lesson!

In this lesson, we discussed what "autonomy" is and how its absence affects a child's behavior. First and foremost, the need for autonomy— the desire to feel like the initiator of one’s actions— is a fundamental need for every person from birth. It teaches children to be effective in something and to achieve results that are meaningful to them, which is incredibly important in today's world.

By understanding this need, you will be able to support your child's drive for independence while taking into account their age-specific characteristics.

Additionally, thanks to this lesson, you will be able to help your child recognize their emotions and learn to manage their feelings more constructively. Although a 4-year-old is far from being a baby, due to the immaturity of their prefrontal cortex, their attention span is still weak, and their self-control is insufficient. This can lead to tantrums and uncontrolled behavior, especially when they are overwhelmed.

When a child is hungry, tired, or feeling unwell, they often misbehave. Most toddlers and preschoolers are not able to quickly recognize and communicate what they need, so they simply start acting out.

How to correctly recognize your child’s needs and respond in time will be explained in the next lesson.

Did you know that supporting a child's healthy development requires paying attention to meeting their needs? Parents often overlook this, resulting in a loss of trust with the child, and the relationship starts to deteriorate rapidly. Meeting a child's primary and secondary needs is a parent's main responsibility. There's no other way, as a child is completely dependent on us—financially, emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

If your children stop listening to you and you can't seem to influence them, if the balance of power is not in your favor, then continuing the battle, where you keep losing time after time, is pointless. A child typically starts fighting for control when they believe that they will only be taken seriously when they manage to have the last word. In their view, otherwise, no one cares about their opinion.

What's wrong with the old songs? A famous singer once asked his audience when they demanded new ones. The same goes for our children—why change something that works? One of the simplest reasons for children's bad behavior is that it's effective. If breaking the rules gets them what they want, it means it works. For example, a child who whines until the parents give in learns that whining is a great way to get what they want. Or when a child throws a tantrum in a store and the parent buys a toy just to stop the screaming, the child learns that tantrums are effective. While giving in may make life easier in the moment, consistency will be more beneficial in the long run.

Lastly, let's talk about how hidden mental health issues can also provoke bad behavior in children.

We have nearly covered the 10 reasons behind children's misbehavior, and in this lesson, we discussed the final two: the child’s confidence in the effectiveness of their behavior and the presence of hidden mental health issues.

I shared the early signs of mental health problems in children, such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and others. It's crucial to recognize these issues early on and address them as soon as possible, don’t you agree? Catching the problem in time is key to resolving it effectively!

Developmental psychology is like the "Bermuda Triangle" for parents, educators, and teachers alike. It might be surprising, given that they are professionals who spent five years mastering their craft, but the facts are undeniable—most professionals lack knowledge of developmental psychology, which is why they often complain about your children. And that’s a shame! Developmental psychology is the key to understanding what drives your child at different ages and how to interact with them appropriately.

Our children grow quickly, and their successful development directly depends on how well we understand and support what they are going through at different stages of their growth.

Let’s talk about the goals and tasks of adolescence, starting from age 10.

At this age, teenagers begin to question themselves and their lives. The transition into adulthood is a critical period for them, where they start to form their identities.

It’s important to remember that attempts to control a teenager can lead to resistance. Providing support during the process of separation will help them become more confident adults.

No matter how you look at it, children grow up and become teenagers. At this stage of life, their behavior strategies change significantly because their goals and tasks have evolved.

Understanding the goals and tasks of adolescence is the key to building successful relationships with teenagers.

"Well, I get it, but what do I do? How can I handle daily conflicts?" The answer is simple—master a universal algorithm for interacting with children.

The algorithm consists of 5 simple steps that allow you to instantly understand what’s happening and quickly change the situation for the better.

What’s special about this algorithm?

1. It helps understand the child's emotions.

2. It facilitates quick problem-solving.

3. It allows for swiftly diffusing conflicts.

4. It takes little time—between 45 seconds and 4.5 minutes.

5. It works with any person over the age of 1, regardless of gender or age.

6. It creates conditions where the child learns to be independent of praise and can make their own decisions.

Every parent faces difficulties with their child. Typically, parents tend to either downplay or exaggerate the significance of the problematic situations they find themselves in with their children. This often leads to actions that do not yield the desired results.

In this case, I recommend following the “Universal Algorithm for Interacting with Children,” which has been tested in practice through a series of actions in stressful or conflict situations. This algorithm helps parents avoid rash actions, such as unfairly punishing the child, creating an emotional barrier between themselves and the child with their reactions, or missing important information about the child’s well-being.

Just 5 steps, taking 2-5 minutes to work through the algorithm—and the situation is resolved! How?

Simply follow the five steps of the algorithm.

Step 1: Pay Attention
When you hear your child crying, their voice, or their call to you, simply turn your head towards them and look at them. This is essential for not ignoring them and for being responsive to the situation. At this stage, it is FORBIDDEN to engage in any conversation with them!

Step 2: Join In
Once you’ve paused what you were doing and turned your attention to the child, you need to, so to speak, "join" the problem. Ask short questions but refrain from commenting on the child’s responses: “I’m listening to you…”, “Let’s take a look…”, “Let’s figure this out…”

Step 3: Analyze the Situation
At this stage, the child’s facial expression serves as a guide for parents. Start the conversation with phrases like: “I think you’re happy?”, “I think you’re upset?” or “I think you’re angry?” Just ask the question and listen to the child. Don’t comment! Such questions allow the adult to initiate a dialogue with the child.

Step 4: Deeply Analyze the Situation
Engage in dialogue with the child. After listening to them, simply ask a few questions that will allow them to give you clues for your next steps. For example: “Is there anything I can do for you?” or “What have you decided to do?” It’s important not to comfort or persuade but to ask questions and listen for clues from the child regarding your next actions.

Step 5: Say What You Want or What Needs to Be Said
This is the star moment for the parent! Finally, after a couple of minutes of conversation, you can say what our values are urging us to express and what you wanted to say from the beginning.

IMPORTANT: If you’ve made it to the fifth step, you’re on the right track, and it’s crucial not to ruin this moment when the child is ready to listen to you.

Do not evaluate, judge, or scold. Speak about what you believe you must convey to your child, but frame it as information for their consideration.

Be sure to leave the child the freedom to choose how to act in this situation. Because even if you command the child to do something, it’s not guaranteed they will do it. However, if you give them the freedom of choice and provide all the necessary information, the likelihood that they will use it is directly proportional to the freedom of decision-making you offer.

"The carrot and the stick" is not the best strategy for raising children. It can be so damaging to a child's psyche that, as adults, we often have to piece ourselves back together. So if you embrace this disciplinary system, for the sake of fairness, you might as well start saving money (and quite a bit) for your child's future visits to a psychologist.

I still believe that you will choose to learn how to manage your emotions—and that’s what this lesson is all about.

Did you know that children actually love rules? Your experiences with your child might suggest otherwise, but if you stick around until the end of the lesson, you’ll see why children stop trusting us and persist in pushing our boundaries. Most importantly, you’ll learn what to do about it! And as a conclusion to the course, you will receive one very simple exercise that will significantly improve your relationship with your child.

A two-minute exercise of positive thoughts about your children can completely shift your mindset from negative to positive.

Create a simple tracker and mark each day when you had positive thoughts about your kids!

Everything can change for the better, and you’ve already taken the first step. Congratulations on that!