Managing conflict with skill and confidence

This lecture explains how you can use your experience of a conflict to develop your dispute management skills.

Every conflict has a trajectory, but often we don't see it. Understanding that conflict has a build-up will allow you to spot where you can intervene at an early stage.

The lecture describes how two people in a dispute can begin to talk to each other without the heat of emotion getting in the way. It is a challenge to be able step back in order to re-engage with the other person in a different way. Learning how to diffuse a conflict takes presence of mind, self-control, and patience. It also requires practice to be able to remain calm and confident in the face of provocation.

Understanding the 'Process' elements in a conflict, as distinct from the 'People' or 'Problem' aspects, can be one of the most important insights when learning to manage conflict. This lecture talks about how to use process constructively, rather than getting drawn into fruitless arguments about other aspects of the difference or disagreement.

Positions are what people say they want, they tend to be firm and difficult to negotiate. But we take positions to fulfill our needs or interests. Peoples' positions tend to be unmovable and lead to deadlock.

By contrast, enquiring about interests helps move the discussion into more fertile areas. Do this by finding out what makes someone’s position necessary for them. The idea is not to force them to defend their position, but to understand what’s important to them, from their point of view.

This lesson explains the importance of objectivity when discussions become tense. It may be instinctive to prepare for combat when we sense conflict arising, but there is strength – and greater control – in being able to adopt a less judgemental and more curious approach.

This lecture explains the importance of human rapport in finding compromise or agreement.

Rapport is a state of harmonious understanding that enables understanding and communication with another person or group. When people are 'on the same wavelength' they are generally in rapport. You can build rapport by emphasising similarities between yourself and others. Looking for shared interests and common ground is a key factor in successful negotiations around conflict.

This lesson covers some recommended steps for cooling a dispute. This may not be easy when a dispute is heated, so you must 'tune in' to get the other person's attention. The key here is to remain calm. You may not be able to fully control the situation, but you can remain in control of yourself.

When a situation could become inflammatory and you want to avoid that, consider the X-Y-Z Technique. This lesson explains this assertive technique for stating your position non-confrontationally.

Conflict always happens in the context of a relationship. Therefore, attending to the quality of the relationship is paramount, particularly where a conflict or disagreement has been going on for some time. The aim is to strengthen the relationship so that you have a safer foundation for tackling the conflict without destroying the relationship.

This lecture describes what is often called "the most important tool of conflict resolution". Disagreements often compel us to become insistent on putting our point across. It takes a conscious effort to step back, observe and listen. This also needs practice, to master a new and invaluable habit.

Equality of voice means that the views of both speakers (or all speakers in multi-party disputes), are seen as equally valid. Though this may be difficult in some situations, but we communicate at our best when all views are seen as equally valid.

It is important to note that, accepting another point of view as valid does not mean agreeing with them. It is a mark of respect, and of sophistication to be able to demonstrate that you understand the importance of a speaker's opinion, and their right to hold it, without challenging or denying it.

Understanding how to handle yourself and control your emotional responses is, arguably, one of the most important aspects of responding to conflict positively. This lesson covers the importance of 'separating the person from their behviour'.

The first step in the this process is monitoring and managing your emotional responses.

Recognising that, when involved in a conflict, most of us have difficulty managing our emotional responses, this lecture explain some basic steps and adds some specific tactics to help you gain mastery of your emotions when tension arises.

The R-I-S-K mnemonic is a simple strategy for managing yourself, and the conflict resolution process, at the same time. By breaking the process down RISK provides points of focus that will help you build trust and maintain progress.

Congratulations! You have arrived at the final lecture. This lesson captures the main points in the conflict resolution process as it has been covered in this course.

With this lecture, you'll also find an additional download and a reading list to accompany the course.

We hope you have found the course useful. Please remember to leave your feedback, and any suggestions you might have, as your opinions will help us maintain the quality of this and other courses.