Claim Your Greatness

Values are the things in life that you feel are most important. While one person might value their family relationships above all else, another person might value their career. Everyone’s values are different, and there’s no “correct” set of values.

How do values and behaviors change over time? How will they continue to change? While it is true that values might change over time and continue to change, that information emphasizes the importance as to why we could check-in with ourselves to understand what we value. Values intrinsically motivate us in life, with family, career, community, etc.

Start exploring your key values, that make you who you are. The writing exercise will challenge you to explore your current set of values in different areas. This self-exploration will build a foundation for any changes you might want to make. Then, you can start working on developing in these areas, later on in the course.

Life Gives Us Challenging Experiences

It’s natural to experience negative emotions such as shame, anger, sadness or another negative-type of emotion. Typically, what it comes down to are these four reasons you might not have a positive attitude or feel unhappy:

1) You are feeling like a victim.

2) You want someone to come rescue you.

3) You think that you are entitled to something.

4) You are blaming another person.

Working through Negative Emotions

What kind of negative emotions are going on for you? What success comes down to is believing you can define what you are responsible for. Ask yourself when you feel a negative emotion, what is my role in feeling this way?

Trusting others can be a challenge for some. At times, you might jump in and give away all your gifts right off the bat. If you have ever been hurt, you realize that you might have developed fear. Fear to trust again. Then, you might avoid or stay away from relationships because it’s easier than trying to trust again. The fear takes over and that pain is continually reinforced keeping you away from establishing close ties with anyone. When there is rejection, deceit, betrayal, unreciprocated relationships, you can feel depleted emotionally and defeated as a person. It might make you second guess even trusting yourself and your instincts.

By having the ability to claim your greatness, you take power back. Try to overcome and grow through the deceit, betrayal, the hurt. Yes, you can overcome it. You have more control than you think. Give yourself some self-compassion in knowing that you have capabilities to be stronger.

When you exhibit control and take power back, your mentality is demonstrating vulnerability. These events we go through in life take time to process but by making a choice to not dwell and release the hurt or anger, you choose to fight. In that fight, perhaps you come to a place of surrender or letting go, or even acceptance that ‘it is what it is.’

By simply choosing to be vulnerable and by learning to embrace that, you can trust yourself and others. We think that we are risking too much by being in a vulnerable state. The truth is that being vulnerable is a sign of strength. The mere definition of vulnerability is the state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, physically or emotionally. Vulnerability is about knowing where you are weak. Then, with that knowledge, you have the ability to do something about it. Not knowing is what can lead to shame, isolation, or emotional over-reaction. Not processing through it….not talking through it. So, you as a human are here to use those executive functioning skills in that brain of yours, process information, make decisions and even work through trust issues, fears or a distrust of self.

This is part of the human experience.

The truth is that being vulnerable is a sign of strength. The mere definition of vulnerability is the

state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, physically or emotionally.

Vulnerability is about knowing where you are weak. Then, with that knowledge, you have the

ability to do something about it. Not knowing is what can lead to shame, isolation, or emotional

over-reaction or under-reaction. So, we are here to work through trust issues, fears or a distrust

of self.

Everyone has shame but no one likes to talk about it. Shame causes pain and it sends messages

to you saying you are ‘not good enough’, ‘not lovable’, ‘not worthy’, ‘not able to succeed’. But

if you cannot talk about the shame or what has hurt you, then you are not able to harness the

power it has. By talking about the hurt or the shame, you take your power back. By learning and

talking about shame you start to embrace vulnerability.

Relationships are a necessary part of healthy living, but there is no such thing as a perfect relationship. Relationships, from acquaintances to romantic partners, have the potential to enrich our lives and add to the enjoyment in our lives. However, these same relationships can cause discomfort and sometimes even harm.

Unhealthy relationships:

1. Put one person before the other by neglecting yourself or your partner

2. Feel pressure to change self or another person

3. Feel worry when there is disagreement

4. Feel pressure when the other person is agreeing with you to change to suit you better

5. Justify actions (e.g., where you go or who you see)

6. Feel obligated to have sex or are forced to have sex

7. Have a lack of privacy or may force to share everything with the other person

8. Refuse to use safer sex methods

9. Arguments or conflict are not settled fairly

10. Experience yelling or physical violence during an argument

11. Attempt to control or manipulate each other

12. Notice your partner attempts to control how you dress or your partner criticizes your behaviors

13. Don’t make time to spend with each other

14. Have no common friends or lack respect for each other’s friends

15. Notice an unequal control of resources (e.g., food, money, home, car, etc.)

16. Experience a lack of fairness and equality overall

Here’s your Healthy Relationship Bill of Rights (see downloadable attachment) and if you are not taking part in these activities or principles, then re-evaluation of your relationship and communicating your needs are perhaps the next steps.

Core beliefs underlie many automatic thoughts we have in our head throughout the day. It is estimated that we have about 10,000 thoughts per day.  Some of us are not aware of our automatic thoughts, yet others are very aware of automatic thoughts. Learning how to hear your inner critic voice and tap into understanding the unhealthy thoughts can make a huge difference in transforming your approach to life so you can be great.

Core beliefs are often unnoticed and rarely talked about, unless you are tapping into this with a counselor or a life coach. They are typically unchallenged. Yet, people who become mindful of them and start working on them can have a paradigm shift. Core beliefs arise out of childhood experiences, cultural influence or innate dispositions. They can be difficult to identify and may be hiding out in your sub or unconscious. They are difficult to change but not impossible.

Common ones are:

I’m not good enough.

I can’t do anything right.

I’m stupid or dumb.

I’m inferior to others.

I’m worthless.

I’m a failure.

I’m unattractive.

I don’t measure up to others.

I’m not lovable.

I’m always left out.

I’m not wanted by others.

I don’t matter.

I’m alone.

I don’t fit in anywhere.

Nobody loves me.

Nobody likes me.

People I love will leave me.

I will be abandoned if I love or care for someone.

I’m not important.

I can’t be happy if I am on my own.

I’m not as good as other people.

My partner is no longer interested in me.

I’m weak.

I can’t change.

There is no way out.

Money is evil.

If I am successful my friends won’t like me.

These beliefs are often deemed as truths and they can make you feel powerless, hopeless. If you assume you lack control, you decrease your ability to handle things effectively or independently. Or it can lead to depression or anxiety.

Identify any core beliefs that are concerning and understand where those core beliefs come from. Start working on overcoming them, by first identifying and having awareness over them.

Let’s switch gears now and look at your ability to create goals. Education on goal-setting is important to claiming your greatness for the mere fact that ideally you want to be operating from a growth-mindset perspective.

Identifying and achieving goals, big or small, are a stepping-stones towards greater happiness. I am going over this today to explain that in each of the areas we cover, you have the ability to choose what you want to improve on in your life. This is a major step to claiming your greatness.

You might be thinking, “I’m not resilient at all. Just look at how often I have struggled to get back up!” You have suffered. You have struggled. You have waded through seemingly unstoppable challenges or difficulty. And you are here! You made it through and you survived!

We seem to think that resilient people are those unaffected by challenged or who take a setback in life with a smile, a laugh but that is not true. That is not resilience. Overall, humans are very resilient.

Resilience is NOT the absence of distress or difficulty. It is the ability to adapt and grow in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, significant work-related or family-related stress. Ordinary people face obstacles and are resilient; that is what makes them extraordinary.

A road to resilience is likely to involve a considerable amount of emotional distress.

A person who experiences NO emotional distress when faced with difficulty is not displaying resilience.

A person who fails miserably at the onset of intense emotions and survives to try another day IS displaying resilience.

Resilience is not a trait that you have or you don’t have.

Resilience is the ability to adapt when faced with difficulty, trauma or tragedy.

Resilience is a learned ability which involves behaviors, thoughts, actions that can be learned by anyone.

It is about belief. If you believe that you are not resilient then there is good news; it is that you can build resilience.

Here is a summary including tips to claim your greatness, as this video course is concluded:

#1 Have caring and supportive relationships within and outside the family. Relationships create love, trust and provide role models that offer encouragement and reassurance which bolsters resilience. They provide a level of accountability also. If they are supportive and caring, not unhealthy supports, then they can build you up in terms of your strengths and abilities as well.

#2 Build your skills in communication and in problem solving. By getting better at using assertiveness, effective communication and the management of feelings, you can work on resilience. These methods improve reciprocity of a relationship with another human in healthy ways and that makes us feel good. There is an interchange happening when healthy relationships are happening. You are feeling good about yourself when you are problem solving effectively and eventually a positive outcome happens even when there is adversity.

#3 See crises or problems in life as opportunities. You might not be able to avoid a stressful situation in life but you can change the lens in which you interpret or respond to the event. When you look for a solution and support to get through the problem, aka opportunity, you end up winning. Acknowledge even the small progress happening. Don’t discount any positive.

#4 Accept that change is constant. It is a part of living. Certain goals might not be attainable as a result of an adverse situation. Life can throw curve balls at times; you all probably know that. Not dwelling and moving towards acceptance, which is easier said than done, is a way to alter or look at alternative goals that are attainable. There is freedom in this strategy.

#5 Move towards your goals. We went over SMART goals and there is nothing more important than continuing to have goals in your life and not be stagnant or purposeless. Even if you ask yourself, “What is one thing I know I can accomplish today that helps me move in the direction I want to go?”

#6 Look for opportunities for self-discovery and growth. You might find yourself struggling and actually growing from that but hindsight is 20/20. Many people experienced tragedies or hardships and then have reported it was an important part of their growth. However, they are not going to be saying that in the moment (unless you have incredible insight.) There is a greater sense of strength, vulnerability, increased self-worth and a heightened appreciation for life after experiencing hardships typically and time has healed.

#7 Nurture a positive view of yourself. Learning how to trust your instincts takes time but it allows you to trust yourself and increase confidence. Even when facing painful events, try to consider the broader and long-term perspective. Maintain a helpful outlook. Optimism is a far better attitude to have than worrying about what you fear. Visualize what you want. Say to yourself, “What if…. something good happens? (fill in the blank)

#8 At any time, journal about the hardship and feelings of faint resilience or see a coach or counselor. You can try spiritual practices also as people lean to their faith at times.

I hope you enjoyed the videos here in the Claiming Your Greatness course. Thank you for your purchase!

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