Break Up With The Past After Divorce -- Ramping Up

Ramping Up is the second part of my five-step process. Since you know where you are stuck or in pain in the Divorce Recovery Cycle, you are ready to create a plan of action to break free from what is holding you back from creating a life you would love living.

The first step is to learn how to create a specific, targeted Goal Plan Statement so that you have the structure for writing your goal plan with the right action steps that will move you forward much more quickly. In other words, it will guide you to focus on action steps with the end objective in mind.

I include an introduction to SMART goal setting as you will apply that process when writing your plan of action. The SMART goal setting process will give you more clarity, structure, motivation, trackability, and direction as you construct your plan. You see an example using each part of the process. I also include the example as a PDF so that you can refer to it if you need to when you write your own.

There will be challenges or roadblocks that will get in the way as you begin to change and acquire new beliefs, new habits, and qualities that will support you in the attainment of your goal. Think of roadblocks as good news instead of bad news or thoughts of failure. Roadblocks give you valuable information so that you can change your course of action and keep on going.

Acquiring a positive attitude while working through this process will help you to believe you can do it, ignore outside influences, develop perseverance, and a burning desire to move forward.

In the last lecture, you learned how to create your goal plan statement. In this lecture, you learn how to create the other essential parts of the goal plan; namely, the obstacle(s), action steps, and date for completion. To help facilitate this process, Coach Donna's Power Tool that offers ideas and suggestions for creating targeted, specific action steps tailored to your own personal situation.

These are suggestions and ideas I would suggest to you if I were coaching you personally.

If you didn't take my first course, Road Through Recovery, I also give an introduction to the Divorce Recovery Cycle. It explains the five phases of emotions and feelings one can experience while going through healing and recovering after divorce. the phases are the following:  Rejection, Resentment, Renegotiation, Remorse, and Reality. You are stuck or in pain in one of these phases.

I give an example of a former client who was stuck in the Resentment Phase. I use this phase because in my experience, many are stuck or in pain within that phase.

Coach Donna's Power Tool will help you to discover where you are in the cycle, so that you have a starting point to begin the work.

Sometimes, in order to achieve a goal, there are some action steps to it that are overwhelming. This can be discouraging and may hamper success in achieving that goal. For example, if you have to sell your house to downsize your lifestyle, selling a home is a huge undertaking. There are many parts to it that can feel daunting. On the other hand, what if you took just one part of the whole at a time and worked on that? It would feel more possible and attainable to achieve.

Using a Concept Map is a great way to break down action steps into manageable, doable steps. A Concept Map is a visual thinking tool that helps to organize and structure information and the relationship they have to each other. Using a concept map is a great way to measure your progress, track it, and see how far you have come. Oftentimes, when we have a challenging goal with lots of action steps to complete, we don't feel like we are really getting closer to the finish line; when in fact, we really are.

Included are some examples in how to chunk down your goal so that it is manageable and doable--one step at a time.

In this last lecture, Lecture Five of Ramping Up, you are at a point in your personal transformation whereby you are in the last phase of the Divorce Recovery Cycle. It is the Realty Phase. When you reach this phase, it means you have worked through your limiting beliefs and conflicted feelings just enough so that you are able to leave a part of the past behind. You created your goal plan very carefully; and at this point, you have achieved your action steps to your inner satisfaction so that you can begin to move forward with confidence and courage--especially in the face of the unknown.

I designed five specific statements that you will reflect upon and answer with frankness and honesty. If you are able to do so and you basically have answered "yes" to what the statement seeks, you have worked through enough obstacles or challenges so that your mind is open to create a vision of what you want your future to look like.

You no longer focus on the past even though it is there and can't be changed, and you are able to override it enough so that you can begin to explore who you are now, who you want to become, and where you want to go.