Be You and Feel Good

The pressure pot

This chapter is about supressed emotions. Let’s assume that we have emotions in our body, in our psychic and in our subconscious that we keep supressed. Let’s say we store anger or sadness and we don’t want to show that anger or that sadness because we are good people and we do not want to hurt anyone with our feelings. In order to keep anger or sadness supressed we need energy, and that energy comes from our body.

That is why sometimes we are tired without reason, because we are using a lot of energy to hide our emotions. We create an entire fortress to keep the emotions supressed. This fortress always contains a mask or a strong quality that we develop in order to hide the strong emotion. The fortress also contains a second energy which suppresses the initial emotional energy and prevent the emotion to manifest because we care about our image, we don’t want to look sad, we don’t want to look bad, we don’t want to look angry. We have the initial emotional energy which we hold in our body and this second energy pushing back to keep the emotion supressed. That is quite a lot of pressure that we keep inside our body. This pressure stays in our body, stays in our psychic, hidden in our subconscious. It is like an under-pressure-cooking pot, we build pressure and then the cover of the pot needs to be stronger and stronger. As much as we suppress the emotions, we need more pressure to keep the lid on top of the emotional pan which is our physical body.

This is how we function. Then, guess what happens if we suppress too much our emotions, we burst. Professional cooking pots have a valve that makes a whistle sound when the pressure is too big, and the pot releases some steam through a little orifice. Similarly, we may have a valve and release some steam time to time, or we just take the lid off and then we burst into anger or into sadness or whatever emotion we kept suppressed. Or, on the contrary, we are very good citizens and we do not release any steam and we do not burst either through emotional release and it kill us from the inside, creating cancer, creating asthma, diabetes, you name it. More and more diseases nowadays are recognized to be caused partially or completely by emotional imbalance. In our society it is not accepted to express emotions. In business, law, politics and many domains of the society, emotions are considered weakness and we learn not to show them, not to express them. In disciplines like Shamanism, trauma therapy, de-armouring, Chi Nei Tsang, Tok Sen, Trauma Release Exercises, wellbeing and more we find ways to release the emotions trapped into our body, into tissues, into muscles, even bones. We learn to bring the emotions up to the surface like steams from the cooking pot, we learn to keep the lid open and we allow emotions to manifest naturally so that we do not get overwhelmed by them.

This is what I call the art of controlling, acknowledging and accepting our emotions. In the following chapters we will understand together how our emotions work and how to manage them gracefully.

Happiness

Happiness as a feeling and it does not last forever. The feeling that we identify as happiness is a temporary feeling of satisfaction, of achievement, of fulfilment or something else attached to an external circumstance. How do you know you are happy? How do I know I am happy? These are questions to ask ourselves in order to identify what makes us happy. There is nothing wrong in obtaining happiness from external factors, this is how we should start, we should look for things that make us happy and pursue them. Every person should bring more happiness into his or her life and practice happiness. Practicing happiness is the art of being able to feel happiness for a longer period of the time without the external stimuli.

Once in a Tantra workshop, the teacher offered all of us a piece of chocolate and asked us to savor the chocolate and feel the pleasure that it brings. My brain was filled with pleasure, coming from the taste buds and my whole body relaxed for a minute. Then she asked us to recall the same state of being without consuming the chocolate. It worked. Brain is an amazing instrument that should be used in our own benefit. Positive psychology starts to discover the amazing benefits of self-induced well-being states. The brain has the power to make you happy without any substances, even without chocolate. If you doubt the ability of your brain, close your eyes, think about a lemon, fresh organic, delicious lemon, take the hand like you are holding that juicy lemon, bring the hand to your mouth and bite that lemon, feel the juice and the bitterness in your mouth. Usually the lemon exercise, done properly by using the power of imagination makes your taste buds to produce more saliva and, sometimes, you can even feel the bitter taste of the lemon in your mouth. José Silva, a south American author, discovered the power of the mind and he shared it with the world in his amazing books and courses that train people into the practical use of the power of the mind. Silva Method opened my eyes many years ago and, ever since, I practice simple mind tricks that help me to live a better life, to be happier, to deal better with the unhappy circumstances of life.

Happiness is not at all the lack of unhappy circumstances; it is the ability to accept the circumstances and be happy anyway. It is the ability to change the circumstances that do not serve us and produce more happy circumstance by using the power of our own mind.

Your mind creates feelings, also your Soul creates feelings, and these are deeper than the feelings created by the mind. It is your job to identify which feelings are true and come from your deeper Self and which feelings are your own mind creation. If the mind is your ally, then you will only create feelings of joy and happiness. If your mind is your enemy, you will create feelings of sadness, fear and anger and. If your mind is not your ally, you will start to judge yourself and all the others around you. You will feel your energy level around the head. Complaining is the number one killer of happiness! Be aware! Heart never complains! Never! Happiness is felt deep in the Heart and then rising in the Head, mainly in the crown chakra (on the top of the head). If the vibration is around your forehead, you are trapped in your mind creation, whatever that is. The mind is ever-changing so you will experience fluctuations of any kind, of every kind. When you are centered in your heart, you will experience bliss in any moment, in every moment.

Another aspect of happiness is being aware. Being aware leads to true happiness because being aware of “what is right now and right here” brings the true happiness. The problem is that we create an image about happiness, and we try to fit into it, and we miss “what is”, which is all that there is. If you cannot be happy with “what is” then you cannot be happy at all, because “what is not” does not exist, or it exists only in your imagination. Practice observing “what is” and see how it make you feel. If it is difficult to notice “what is”, just look around you, in the moment, in the place where you are, without thinking about something else. This is a practice, the practice of presence, the practice of awareness, the practice of attention, the practice of happiness. This is a lifetime practice and it worthwhile all the effort. Eckhart Tole and others wrote many books on the subject so I will not repeat their work. If you can read this book and only read this book using 100 of your attention and focus 100% on reading, you are already there. This is it. “All there is” is here and now. Observe it. Pay attention to it. That’s it.

Observe the thoughts in your head while reading this book, many times we think about something else while reading, that is the mind trying to distract us from the present moment. Bring your attention back to the reading and be present 100% with what you are reading. This is one way to exercise happiness and it is deeper than you might think. If you are not convinced, try it out, experience it, practice it, it will actually have results faster than you think. If you are listening to the audio book, focus your 100% attention on my voice. Make sure you are not driving and not doing anything else that requires your attention and close your eyes and focus on my voice 100%. You can do this with any sounds, especially natural sounds work very well for relaxing the nervous system and bringing your awareness in the present moment. Happiness is in the present moment, not in the past and not in the future. Everything that is in the past or in the future resides in the mind and we are here and now, physically and emotionally. It is the disconnect between the mind, body and emotions that makes us unhappy. When the mind is brought back here and now, where emotions are and body is, the road to happiness starts.

Sadness

The gate to the Soul

What if through tears we can release what is not our self. What if through tears we can clean our spiritual heart of all that is not necessary. I don’t mean the whining or the persistence into unnecessary torment or self-inflicted pity, I mean tears, pure tears that are coming from the heart, from the depth of our soul.

What if sorrow is a gate to the soul, what if the soul can be contacted through sadness. I don’t mean suffering; I mean through the depth of the feeling of sadness or sorrow. What if at the bottom of this feelings resides the soul in its purity and beauty? What if embracing the sorrow and the sadness and feeling it deeply reveals the self? I don’t mean pain and I don’t mean sufferance; I mean the feeling of sadness without sufferance, the feeling of sorrow without sufferance. What if these feelings are only the deep longing for the depths of our souls? These are questions that only you can answer based on your own experience. From my own experience I learn to ask myself these questions and be curious about the answer.

Feeling sadness

Sadness is a very intense feeling and it can be addictive as it connects to deeper dimensions of the Heart. Therefore, it is very important to understand and release sadness from our emotional body. Sadness corresponds in the physical body to chest and neck areas. Sometimes it feels like an empty space, sometimes like a discomfort and sometimes it is painful. Either way, it feels uncomfortable and intense. I have some experience with sadness, more exactly with suppressed sadness. My mother passed away when I was 14 years old. I didn't cry. I tried to cry, and I couldn't. My body rejected the pain of the loss of my mother, my confident and my best friend. When I became more aware of myself, I started to release sadness from my body in a more conscious way. It is like shoveling a grave, it is ugly, painful and intense. Ultimately it is very rewarding as I can feel joy in my heart for the first time in over 25 years.

The problem with sadness is that it attracts sadness and it can attract sad events into your life, either you acknowledge the sadness in yourself or not. Looking inside for unresolved sadness is a key element of the puzzle on the way to wellbeing.

Sadness is a well-hidden emotion. Many people are coping with sadness through positive thinking, artificial joy, alcohol, parties and many other methods to hide the deep sadness within themselves. Sadness, like any other suppressed emotions, wants to come out of our body and circumstances to release the sadness will be created for us. When an emotion is pushed down into the subconscious it will conspire to come out at the surface. When we are faced with situations that are calling for sadness, we will attribute the sadness to the external situation and that is not entirely true. The external situation is usually a trigger for the sadness within us. I am not saying that there are no sad situations that can cause feelings of sadness and in those cases, it is good to express and explain the sadness that is caused by the situation. In fact, two very efficient methods to release sadness from our structure are to express it and/ or to explain it.

Handling sadness

Expressing sadness through tears and crying is a very efficient method to release the emotional load of sadness. The nervous system relaxes when an emotion is released in a conscious way. Becoming conscious of the stored emotions is the halfway to healing. The other half is releasing the emotion.

Explaining sadness to a person we trust and is able to just listen, without giving solutions, without trying to fix us, it is a very efficient way to release the emotion and create a very strong bond. For deepening this method, I highly recommended the book "Finding and Keeping Love: An Imago-Based Program for Getting the Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix.

Do not try to fight sadness! Feel the sadness as deep as you can and go beyond sadness, go beyond the body sensations, go beyond the thoughts that created the sadness, go beyond the situation that created the sadness. At the end of the sadness you will find healing and a deeper side of yourself.

One good question to ask yourself while processing sadness is: who is sad? Who am I that I am sad? Who am I? This is a very good theme of meditation and it can be done sitting or even moving, dancing or walking. Music can help us to connect to sadness and to healing after a sadness release. You can choose a sentimental music to connect to the sadness and after connecting to sadness and releasing the sadness through tears you can sooth your emotional body with a soft healing calming music. This method can be done individually or with a group of people.

Fear

Fear-based realities

Fear is an emotion and it can be experienced as a feeling of unease in the body. Fear creates reactions in the physical body as well as in the emotional body. When we find ourselves in a dangerous situation, we experience the feeling of fear and the body contracts.

There are justified fears and unjustified fears. A justified fear has grounds in reality and the unjustified fear is based on negative imagination. An example of justified fear is when there is a dangerous animal chasing you and the fear makes you run. An unjustified fear is solely created in the mind with none or little grounds in what is real. It can also be an exaggeration of a negative possibility that has little to none chances of occurrence. To understand this, we must go back into, what I call, “wrong ideas” or negative beliefs.

One possible “wrong idea” that can cause us fear, is that we can lose something. While people come and go, money come and go, life comes and goes, possessions come and go we do not really have anything forever so we cannot really lose anything because we cannot really have anything forever. The mind wants to possess people, goods, money and even wellbeing. When the mind wants to possess something, the fear of losing is imminent. We might think: “I do have things to lose, I have a home, a job, a wife, children, and obviously I don’t want to lose any of that!”. I understand the idea that we do not want to lose anything that we have in our lives and fear of losing something that we have, might arise. But do we really need fear in order not to lose something in our lives? We don’t need fear in order to keep things or people in our lives. In fact, some schools of thought would say: “what you fear comes to you. You can generate or attract what you are afraid of”.

Fear isn’t always a conscious and controllable choice; therefore, we experience it as a feeling first. We can learn to observe the thoughts that are associated with the feeling of fear. For example, if I feel fear now, I might not even know why I feel it. Then, I observe the thoughts that are coming to my awareness. It can be about my family or it can be about my job. Let’s use the example of my job. I observe the fear and then I have a thought about my job which is: “I’m afraid that I will lose my job.” It is normal to want a safe and secure job but living in that constant fear is not a life we want to live. Is there an alternative to that thought or behavior? This feeling of fear is transmittable, and so I will transmit it to people around me and maybe even generate situations that can lead to losing the job. If I am afraid that I will lose my job, I might attract that situation subconsciously. Dealing with fear before is materialized is an essential step in one’s well-being.

I suggest few questions that will help in dealing with fear: Is fear useful? Is fear helping me to prevent danger? Is fear actually attracting the things I don’t want to happen? Am I afraid to experience fear? Am I ashamed to admit that I am afraid?

Subconscious fear

I remember when my mother was cradling me on her legs. I was so small that my legs didn’t reach her waist while my head was on her feet. I must have been 3 or 4 years old. My mother was 1,6 meters tall. I am marrying a woman that is around the same height as my mother. This is not a coincidence. Subconsciously we are programmed to be attracted by people who have similar traits as our care takers. I am not saying that there are no other factors, like feelings and mutual interests, all that I want to underline is that there are subconscious influences that we need to be aware of.

My father, when he was upset, he used to look outside on the window and smoke his cigarettes. Do you want to guess what I used to do when I was upset? Yes, staring in void and smoking a cigarette. Thankfully for my health, I quit smoking and now I am only starring out the window.

When I was 14 years old, my mother passed away. It was during the weekend. In that moment and many years after that I could not cry. Nowadays, when the weekend comes, I am almost always a bit sad without any apparent reason. Also, when there is a movie related to family, especially when families reunite after a long period of time of separation, I almost always cry. I am crying the tears that I did not cry when my mother died.

These are few examples from my own life that I analyzed and have been revealed to me through meditation, introspection and experiences, examples of past events from my childhood that are influencing from the subconscious level my current reality and behavior.

Memories are stored in our subconscious and they influence our behavior, our choices, our preferences and our life. Therefore, it is important to become conscious of the memories that are stored in our subconscious so that we gain more control of our life and behavior. When a memory is subconscious, it means we do not remember it consciously, however we act from it. Our entire behavior and character are influenced and sometimes determined by subconscious memories.

Our conscious mind is a troubleshooter with the mission to keep us safe from danger. For this reason, it stores also the memories that are potential dangers to us, to be more exact, it stores the memories that were interpreted as potential danger to us when we were children, from birth until at least six years old. In this manner, the subconscious fears are created. When we have a subconscious fear, it will affect the way we approach life and it will limit us to achieve our greatest potential. It is important to understand and bring into light the subconscious fears so that we can make more conscious and courageous decisions.

Fear that we do not experience, we do not know is there. Like any subconscious memory or belief, if it is subconscious, we don’t know about it yet. There is nothing we can do because we do not know about it, until it comes to the light of our consciousness. There are things in life that we know and there are things we do not know. There are things in life we know that we know and there are things we know that we do not know. With the things that we know that we know we can use in our daily life. With the things that we know that we do not know we can decide to learn them. There are things in life we do not know we know and that is called subconscious gold, our inherit Divine gift. There are also things in life we do not know we do not know and that is called shadow, subconscious unknown. There is only one thing we can do about “the gold” and “the shadow”, discover it. We can only discover the gold and the shadow by being curious, open and humble.

The reason we might want to discover the subconscious fears is that many of those are running our lives automatically. One way to unmask or to remove the veil of illusion and uncover the presence of a subconscious fear is to question yourself clearly: “Am I acting from fear or am I acting from love?”. Another way is to acknowledge how your body feels in the everyday life; Do you feel fearful? Do you feel small? Angry? Annoyed? Or do you feel warm in your heart and loving everything that is around you? Maybe you feel indifferent? There are certain signs that we are hiding unconscious fear. One of these signs is the appearance of anger and another sign is the appearance of emotional shutdown, the inability to feel anything at all.

Another aspect of fear is that it’s very present in the collective subconscious. Fear would be the main emotion that drives our society. And if you start to notice this, you will be able to observe how everything is driven by fear. We need proof of identity, proof of address, proof that we are entitled to travel. Everything is labeled, everything is counted. This is a society based on fear, a fear-based society rather than a trust or love-based society. Please pay attention to those aspects in your life and you will be able to notice within yourself the moments when you act from fear and moments where you act from love.

A major fear is the fear to lose the ones we love. I find this very interesting because we fall in love with a person and then we fall in fear of losing the person. I want to speak of the illusion of possession in this world. We think we have something to lose, but we don’t because when we come in this world, we have nothing. We have nothing for ourselves and when we leave, we actually leave empty handed. The only thing that matters are the experiences. We come here to experience.

Usually, when we fall in love, subconscious fears kick in. Fear kicks in because we don’t understand that love is to be experienced and felt, like any feeling, just like fear. It is meant to be experienced, not pushed away or held onto. Like love, fear is meant to be felt, not to be judged and not to be pushed away. We usually fear the loss of people we love, because one of the negative beliefs is that “when we love somebody, that person needs to be a certain way, act a certain way, serve us in a certain way, and stay with us forever”. “He’s the one or she’s the one”. In fact, when we fall in love our heart is yearning to love and it’s doing it on its own. And the only scope of love is to be felt.

Love is a wonderful feeling. When it comes to relationships there are other aspects to be considered, but love doesn’t have or need a relationship to be felt. We don’t feel: “You are now my girlfriend so now I love you” in that order. We fall in love and we stay in love as long as we choose to stay in love. Sometimes we stay in love longer than the relationship lasts and sometimes we fall out of love while we are still in a relationship. Love is a choice and Love is an active pursuit and that is a different topic. Until subconscious becomes conscious, Love is not a conscious choice, but a subconscious one. For this topic, I warmly recommend the book “Women who love too much” by Robin Norwood, and trust me, it is valid for men as well and also the book “Obsessive Love” by Susan Forward. Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book “The Mastery of Love” that Love is the biggest demon and of course he is referring to the unhealthy subconscious love patterns learned in early childhood from our parents, care takers, friends and family.

The fear of losing somebody is actually closing your heart to feel love. Instead of feeling love you feel fear of losing that person and, when you feel fear, you transmit it to the other person. Consider that you are consciously saying, “Do you want a tea honey?” and subconsciously you are saying: “I’m afraid to lose you!”, consciously: “Do you want to go to the movies?”, subconsciously “I’m afraid to lose you!”, consciously “How was your day?”, subconsciously “I’m afraid to lose you!”. Most of the time it is automatic, and it comes from deeper aspects of the subconscious. The subconscious mind is created from a period of time between conception till about sixteen years old. The experiences created in this period are not easily accessible for the conscious mind. If you have an innate hidden fear of losing somebody, maybe you lost somebody or had the sensation of being abandoned by one of the parents. These fears will come to the surface when you start to open up your heart and love a person. One way to deal with it is to say to the other: “I’m afraid to lose you. I don’t know where this feeling comes from, but I am becoming aware that I am afraid to lose you, and this is preventing me from being who I am and I don’t want to feel this, and I want to get over it. Would you help me?”.

Fear attracts fear, so most probably when you say this to your partner they will say: “I am also afraid to lose you. Let’s look at this together and let’s see how we can feel love and be in our hearts in every moment.” Do this work! Have this conversation instead of hiding the fear and pretending it is not there, because at some point fear will surface anyway. You cannot hide a feeling. Hiding a feeling is like boiling water under pressure. Eventually, it will burst out in a form or another.

Fear versus Love

Fear comes from a feeling of not having enough, not getting enough or not being enough. Fear comes from scarcity, from lack of, from a feeling of incompleteness. Love is the feeling of abundance, the feeling of offering, the feeling of giving, the feeling of contentment, because we know there is enough, we are enough, and we are Love. When you live from Love, you live as a gift to the world, to the others and as a gift to yourself, not in a greedy and selfish way, but in a healthy selfish way. Putting yourself first is an act of love, an act of self-love, an act of altruism, because putting yourself first means putting your own wellbeing first and only when you are well and complete you can truly help others.

I am not saying to wait until you’re enlightened to you help others, I am saying to become aware of what you are offering to others, fear or love, because you can be broken and still become aware of that brokenness and offer yourself as an example, offer your vulnerability to the others and that is love.

Let’s say you are still afraid, you still have fears, you still feel uncomfortable in presence of others and you are maybe still angry. One option is to act out of fear and not open up to others and maybe even isolate yourself from people. The other option is overcoming fear and act out of love and allow yourself to be seen as imperfect and acknowledge and admit your fear: “I am afraid of people, I am angry at women, I am not in contact with my masculine energy that well”. When you open up to people in this way, honest and vulnerable, others might relate to what you feel in that moment and learn that they are okay as they are, and they are not alone in their sufferance. You have the option to protect yourself and live in the fear that you will be discovered as the imperfect being that you are, because you are imperfect, I am imperfect, we all are imperfect. You also have second option, to admit your imperfection and make it glow. When you accept your imperfection and you decide to offer that imperfection to the world, you become love. That is the difference between fear and love. When you offer your imperfect self to the world in a way or another, singing a song, writing a poem, speaking in public, dancing, sharing your feelings, writing a book, you are acting out of love.

There are two motivators for the human behavior and these motivators are love and fear. When we act from fear, we gain a false comfort, in fact, when we act from fear, we are afraid to live, we are afraid of life. Acting from fear does not bring joy, brings numbness, brings a state of being stuck, brings lack of action, at least lack of beneficial action, keeps us in a place where we have to be not in a place that we want to be. Acting from fear is not bringing us happiness is bringing us a false comfort and that does not make us feel good, at least not in a long term. We might feel a temporary comfort but then we realize that we could have done that move, we could have taken that action. When we were just afraid of something, it is probably just a mind creation, nothing grounded in reality.

When we act from love we sacrifice comfort for a higher feeling of fulfilment, we feel happy in our heart and we constantly act from love, selfless love, unconditional love, we start to be in that space of selfless love, unconditional love and we do not feel any effort anymore, it is just there. Yes, it might not make any sense, our mind might be completely blown away because the little mind does not understand the heart, because the heart center, the heart structure is much more complex than the structure of the prefrontal cortex, the mind, the cognitive mind.

When we truly connect to our heart and we act from love, we might not make sense from a socially accepted perspective, we might love people without a reason, people whom we do not know very well. When we act from love we might even walk differently on the street, less driven by fear, more aware, more present, more loving, paying more attention to people, to beauty, to nature, maybe even smiling. Being in the heart helps the nervous system to relax.

There are two motivators of our actions, fear or love and I give you a simple exercise: observe yourself during the day when you are acting, if you are acting from love or from fear. If you do not know where your action is coming from, you can check within yourself, check how you feel in your body, because the body is recording, and it is observing feelings and even though you are not aware of. Our body records and stores feelings. Feel, and ask yourself: Am I acting from fear or from love? You might have a feeling of running away and then immediately you can check within yourself if you are running away because you are afraid.

Most probably you will discover sooner or later that you have some fear stored in your structure regarding a certain situation and the reaction to run away is just a coverup for the fear. When you get in touch with the fear, you can become conscious of it and transcend it into love. “I am not going to call my mom and tell her that I broke the vase she gave me for my birthday, because … I am afraid she will scold me, or I might hurt her feelings”, “I am not going to call my boyfriend to tell him that I am not happy because … I am afraid he might leave me”, “I am not telling him he behaves bad, because … I am afraid he might get angry”.

Observe yourself when you are doing things out of fear and when you are doing things out of love. I am not saying to be fearless and rude. “I am going to tell my boyfriend he is a jerk and I am going to be a tough woman”. Act from love, not from mindless courage or even rage. From fear to courage is one step and from fear to love are two steps. I step out from the fear and I acknowledge I do not want to be afraid; I want to have courage and then I want to be a loving person and not to hurt the other. With this you made the complete steps from fear to love. Observe, because you will discover once you gain more and more awareness that 90% of the actions we are doing are coming from fear. And when you become aware of the true source of your own actions you can do the two steps: step out from fear into courage and step up from courage into love.

Contemporary fear

Sources of fear are present in our life everywhere. The entire society is built on the basis of fear. In the last 15-20 years this escalated to peaks which probably was never before. I am a Caucasian, Romanian with Bulgarian, Greek, German and Dacian roots who lives in Finland and writes this book on the west coast of Ireland, works in Dublin, and teaches a couple dances from Africa. I have friends from most of the countries around the globe. And still, subconsciously I am afraid of people around me.

White people are afraid of black people, black people are afraid of white people, brown people are afraid of yellow people, yellow people are afraid of brown people and so on, left is afraid of right. We live in a society based on fear, we need IDs, we need a proof of our identity to walk on the street, to go to the shop to go to authorities, to travel we need to prove our identity, we need visas to visit certain lands of the world and all these are manifestations of fear. If we would trust each other and love each other we would not need that much security, proofs. Yes, you might argue that we need security because some people are mean and yes, they are mean because they are afraid as well and that is exactly what I am stating here that our society is a fear-based society. If we would have a love based society many things would be different, we would trust people, we would not hurt people, we would not be afraid of people and I am not writing these here in order to produce even more fear or panic, I am just writing these in order to bring awareness about the fact that the society is fear-based. You, as an individual, can respond with love to fear. In this way the fear is less and less around you, because when you respond with love to fear, fear is dissolving.

The natural reaction of a person who is not aware, is to respond with fear to fear and sometimes we do not even respond with fear, sometimes we respond with the coverup of the fear which is anger or rigidity or rejection. The energies which are covering up the fear are rigidity, rejection and aggressivity. We are not all the time aware we are afraid, and we need to cover that up. “I do not want this in my life”, “We will do it my way”, “Get away from here”, “I am going to punch you”, what in fact we are saying is “I am afraid of you” because, in fact “you are afraid of me”.

The antidot to this is to speak up what is, “look I feel afraid, are you afraid of me?”, “what are you afraid of?”, “I feel your fear and that triggers my fear too, shall we do something about it?”, you can acknowledge it or even laugh about it or love about it. You can become aware what are we afraid of, because sometimes we are afraid of very stupid things, we are afraid that our image would be affected.

Image is a mind creation, and mind is always afraid because mind creates concepts and concepts are doomed to die. That is why books and cultures who are promoting being in the heart, they are not promoting being in the heart because there is no other place to be, but because being in the heart brings peace, brings well-being, brings lack of fear, brings love.

The true well-being is being in the heart and being relaxed and loving and understanding. If we are in the mind and we try to defend our mind we will always be afraid because we live in a sea of opinions and, of course, our own opinion will not be shared by 100% of the people we meet, but that does not mean that if I do not agree with you, or I am not of the same opinion with you, it does not mean that I am a danger to you, but if you are identified with your opinion, you are afraid that you will disappear because you think you are your opinion and you became afraid that you are going to die. “- Oh my God I am going to die!” No, you are not going to die, you are going to die at the level of opinion, which is good. I think we need to die at the level of opinion because that is the only way to realize we are not our opinion and realize we are more than that. And you might say, “You are writing about the fear. What this has to do with well-being?” Well, from the neuro-biologic perspective the state of fear is a state of physical, emotional and mental contraction and in a state of contraction you cannot really feel good, you might enjoy a bit of thrill, a bit of adrenaline, but if you keep your nervous system under adrenaline on a constant basis sometimes even not knowing that you are doing so, your nervous system is going to crack. You are going to get sick and, ultimately, you are going to die out of fear, and you will call it cancer, liver failure, heart-attack, etc. In fact, all these diseases are a reaction to suppressed fear and suppressed anger. Imagine that you have a radio that works with 100 V and you plug it constantly to 220 V or more, well, firstly the fuse will burst and later the entire system will burn. It is similar with our bodies under constant fear.

What we recommend is to look into your fears and solve them one by one. We recommend dying at the level of opinion so that you can grow new and free in a world of infinite possibilities. We are most of the time identified with things, objects and situations that are outside of us and we are not looking too often inside of us to discover what is there hiding, what we feel, what we think. It is not the car that we are, it is not the house, not our boyfriend, not our girlfriend, not our spouse, not our opinions. Find deeper levels of identification, for example your Heart. Connect with your physical body, check in with your physical body. For the spiritual people who know we are not the physical body and we are the Soul, you can identify also with the Soul, however, the physical body is the Soul, the physical body is an extension of the Soul, a solidified extension of the Soul and it is not by denial, but through acceptance that we attain freedom.

I am not saying to identify yourself only with the physical body, I am saying to connect yourself with your physical body and check in your physical body, because there is a reason why you are having a physical body and, denying the physical body will only disconnect you from that reason which might as well be connected with your spiritual mission in this world. Disconnecting from the physical body not only that keeps us away from living the life fully, but it also disconnects us from the pain that might be stored in the physical body, from the emotions we might have to feel and the disconnection puts us in denial which is a state that drains the life out of us and prevent us from living truly and fully.

We need to understand our physical body if we want to live a life of feeling good, of well-being. Before we transcend our physical body through Death, we are the inhabitants of the physical body and it is through the physical body that we experience life. And my suggestion for the transcendental persons who are very much into meditation and they think they got it all is to consider the following: instead of transcending the body, try embodying the transcendence.

Try this as a new meditation practice: “how can I embody the transcendence?”. Then see how it feels, just give it a try. You might discover things that you were not aware of them before. You might discover more use of the physical body that you we’re allowed to believe. As a final possibility I want to leave you with is to connect with your physical body, relax, be present in your physical body and see how it feels. In this way you will be able to transcend and let go of the fears that are preventing you from feeling good. You can bring your presence to your physical body through breath. As a simple exercise you can use: 1. Breath in Presence, 2. Breath out Stress into the ground for the ground to recycle it.

Handling fear

Feeling good no matter what circumstances life gives you, is an art. The first stage is acknowledging the circumstances of your life and connect with the feelings that are coming from these circumstances. The second stage is to feel the emotions that are arising, feel them as deep as you can without judging.

The third stage is acknowledging that the emotions are to be felt in the moment and that is all you need to do with the emotions, they are not needed for altering the life circumstances.

The fourth stage is to create a plan or two for getting out of the life circumstances we do not want.

Let us say you have some financial difficulties in your life and the first thing you want to do is to connect with the feelings that these circumstances are generating in your life. Let us assume you discover the fear of failure. In the second stage you aim to connect deeply with the emotion of fear and feel it as intense as possible, breath into your body and feel where the fear is located in your body. Breath in that part of the body as deep as you can and feel the bodily sensations associated to the fear. In some cases, you will feel the fear of dying which is a primal fear. It might feel as intense as being chased by a bear. Feel it!

The third stage is to acknowledge that there is not bear chasing you in the present moment. You are not going to die. There is always a solution to financial difficulties. The instinctual reaction of the nervous system, of the limbic brain is the same with the one when you see the bear which threatens your life. The instinctual brain does not make the distinction between the bear and the financial difficulties. However, the fear and the instinct to run away in front of financial difficulties will not help you too much in solving your financial situation. Acknowledge the difference between the bear and the financial difficulties. The financial difficulties are not the bear, and the bear is not the financial difficulties. Make sure when you see a bear, run! And when you have financial difficulties or relational difficulties, stay and plan, talk and ask for help.

You need a plan, and this is the fourth stage of handling the fear. You need to stay, and you need to plan: “What are my expenses, what is my income?”, etc. For this I recommend you Robert Kiyosaki’s books who says that fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

This is how you can master fear and master your life. Life is giving you situations and you find solutions. Somewhere in between what life gives you and the solution you find, you might experience intense emotions, like fear. We can have all kind of fear: fear of not being good enough, fear of being a failure, fear of success, fear of not being able to provide for our family, etc. Do you feel good when you have financial difficulties? In the first stage you probably will not feel very good. How can you feel good when you do not feel good? By accepting that at this point you cannot feel good. Accepting that you cannot feel good in this moment will release the tension in your body and accept whatever you are feeling as a steppingstone towards feeling good.

Let us assume you are in debt and you really need a plan to get out of debt. The moment you start acting towards solving the problem, you stop feeling bad and start feeling determined. “OK, I have a problem, I don’t feel good in this situation, I’m going to do something about it.” So, instead of having a problem and feeling bad about it, you can have the same problem and feeling determined about it. “I have a problem. I got here with my actions. and I know what actions got me here. I bought the bigger TV then I needed, or I bought a bigger house that I needed. What can I do next? Maybe I refinance my loan, or I sell my TV, or I search for a better paid job and maybe I keep a balance sheet for my income and expenses, so I become my own accountant to see where the money is going. Maybe being a member of 3 gyms is too much. Can I be happy with only 1 gym?”. I do not know your situation. Whatever that is, I know basic of financial literacy is to have a bigger income then expenses. There are 2 ways: you either increase your income or you lower your expenses. If you cannot increase your income, then you better lower your expenses.

Whatever the situation that generate fear is, make a plan. And make a 1-month plan, 1-year plan, 5 years plan. And if the plan A does not work, make a plan B. This way, by taking action and making a plan, the fear doesn’t actually act on you anymore because fear is mostly uncertainty. But when you have a plan A, a plan B and a plan C, there is not anymore uncertainty, you know what to expect and you know that you can take action no matter what life brings to you.

To recapitulate about the fear and feeling good in any situation of your life, acknowledge the situation, feel the feelings, acknowledge that the bear is not there and make a plan, take an action. If you cannot feel good all the time, accept that you cannot feel good now and feel whatever you need to feel in this moment. In this way although you have a situation in your life which might not be the brightest and the greatest, you are in control of your emotions, you are in control of your life and your reactions. You eliminate the uncertainty in your life and you take back the control of your life by taking control of your actions and emotions.

Anger

Celebrating anger

Anger needs to be celebrated. We should thank anger every time she visits us. Anger is just a feeling inside of us, a feeling of urge, a feeling of urgency, a feeling of "get the fuck out of here". The thing we might not know yet is that what we want to get rid of, is inside of us.

Take a moment and reflect deeper on the last moment you got angry and ask yourself: "what is inside of me that I need to get rid of? what is inside of me that I am tired of hiding?". The reason why we get angry is because is easier to blame the outside circumstances than to deal with the pain inside. Yes, in a form or another, anger hides pain, it hides pain that we felt, and we do not want to feel again. It hides pain that we suppressed, and we did not allow ourselves to feel when we had to feel it. Maybe we lost our mother at an early age and we are fucking angry that she left us alone in this world.

Generally, we judge anger, we try to make anger politically correct, we do not allow anger to manifest unless it makes sense. Anger does not make immediate sense for an adult mind, it makes total sense for the primitive mind, a part of the brain that we try to suppress instead of accepting. Once we understand our primitive mind, anger makes sense. "How dare she leaves me in this cruel world alone? How am I going to survive without her care, without her nourishment?".

This is my personal example I am sharing with you. You have your own example of a major event in your life that shaped the way you behave today and what triggers your anger. The event does not have to be as dramatic as the death of a mother, it can be more subtle, something that makes sense for the primitive mind, something that, at some point in your childhood threatened your survival or freedom. Parents are also concerned for our survival and they do things that they think are good for us, however, those things might not make the same sense to us and we will perceive them as threats to our freedom or even to our survival. Of course, there are parents or caretakers that are doing major mistakes due to their own fears and traumas and those are real treats to our integrity, basic freedoms and survival.

Majority of the actions of our parents that we perceive as threats are not real threats, but for our primitive mind or limbic system, they are perceived as threats. Some of these actions, either real or perceived threats, they make our nervous system to contract and store fear, which in many cases are equivalent with the fear of death. For this reason, the limbic system is automatically activated for fight or flight. In this state, the nervous system dictates either to “kill” the enemy or flee the enemy.

When we want to remove the threat, our body needs adrenaline either to fight or to run and, that rush of adrenaline that floods our body at once, is the natural reaction of survival when we are in real danger, when we are chase by a bear for example. In most of the cases we are not chased by a bear, but our nervous system does not know that, and the adrenaline and other hormones are secreted in excess and puts our body in hyper alert mode. Because there is no bear to fight or run away from, we have an excessive amount of energy in our body that we do not know what to do with and we call that anger.

Anger needs to be celebrated. Anger is always justified for the primitive brain. Anger has all the rights to be felt.

Anger is the most suppressed feeling in our society due to its intensity and possible consequences. Due to suppression, anger builds up, grows bigger and then is even harder to deal with.
If you are one of those who are in touch with their anger, be happy, because many people are angry on the inside and looking very nice on the outside. In this regards I recommend watching the movie Anger Management.

Make sure you are not "mister nice guy" or "over-pleasing woman". It is good to please people and serve others but make sure this does not have at a deeper level a load of suppressed anger that is sugar-coated in a "nice" mask. For more information about masks and patterns keep reading. In the next chapters we go deeper into analyzing these patterns one by one and what possible subconscious causes can hide.

Handling anger

I wish I could tell you it is easy to handle anger. In my experience it takes a lot of effort to deal with the anger in a constructive manner. The first stage in dealing with anger is to feel it. When the anger comes, acknowledge that anger arrived and honor it with your full presence and attention and then observe all the physical sensations in your body. If someone triggers the anger, ask for a timeout in a manner as nice as possible in that moment. After you got your timeout, allow yourself to feel the anger as deep as possible in that moment and, without blaming the other that he or she triggered the anger. In fact, at later stages, you can thank him or her with gratitude for reflecting to you an unhealed emotional part of yourself.
The next useful thing to do while feeling the anger is to listen to what your mind is saying and write down on a piece of paper everything that you hear when listening to your mind. Do not judge what the mind is saying and write down everything if possible. You do not have to show the paper to anyone afterwards. If you must write the same statement over and over again, do it, make sure you have enough paper. Afterwards you can destroy the paper by burning or tearing it into pieces. Another possibility is to keep the paper and to read it out loud at later stage to yourself or to a trusted friend that will not judge you. In this case, read it at least three times until you feel a change in your body, until what you are reading sounds like an old story. This technique is very powerful if done in a safe space where you and your chosen confidant feel comfortable.

Another very efficient method to release anger is through grounding. You can ground anger simply by putting your right foot firmly in the ground in front of you. Before doing this gesture of grounding, close your eyes, take a deep breath, feel all the anger that you can feel and, when ready, step on the ground in front of you like when you want to kill a big spider that wants to attack you. After you stepped, keep the foot for a moment or two in the place you stepped and feel the difference in your inner state. Become aware how the anger diminished in your body. You can repeat this gesture several times until the anger diminishes or even disappear. If you need and feel to do so, you can add a roar like a warrior or a cry of pain like a wounded lion. Verbalizing anger in a neutral way, helps the nervous system to release the tension. I do recommend this method with moderation and always use it to release the tension and not to feed the anger. If you feel that the anger amplifies then immediately stop and try something else.

Anger is an energy stored in our body, in the tissues and muscles and therefore it needs a body action to be released. Any physical activity can help you to get in touch with the stored anger in your body and to release it from your body with awareness and patience. If you were beaten in your childhood by your parents or by your school mates, you need to release the stored anger from your body using one of the methods described above and below. Other methods to release anger and other stored emotions from the body are de-armoring, Chi Nei Tsang and Tok Sen. All three methods have roots in Chinese medicine and Taoism. For the last two methods you can search for Mantak Chia's books and worldwide trainings.

Shame

Being ashamed

Shame is a normal emotion, and, like the others, it has a useful side and a not needed side. Unnecessary shame is one of the most normalized emotions. Due to education and religion, unnecessary shame is considered a normal emotion. For example, it is useful to be ashamed to walk naked in the city. That shame will keep you safe, clean and not arrested. An example of unnecessary shame is when you are ashamed of your own body in your own intimacy, when you think your own naked body is dirty. This is an unnecessary shame because your own naked body is a natural thing, a reason for celebration and contemplation.

To some extent, shame is the root of fear and fear is the root of anger. Many times, at the subconscious level we are afraid of being poor, of not having enough money and we are afraid of this because of all the social consequences coming along with that. Our ancestors were nominated publicly when they were not able to pay their dues to the king. These events are still active in the collective subconscious and are influencing our behavior and our emotions. Usually we do not immediately acknowledge our fear, or our shame and we manifest anger. My parents used to fight about money, especially about the lack of money. They would rather express their frustration and anger than talk mindfully about the underlying fear or shame.

Shame remains hidden to us unless we dig deep into the roots of our other emotions and our mental patterns. One correlation can be between shame and the mind need to look good. If something is threatening our image we react usually with anger or withdrawal and, in fact what we are afraid of, is of us looking bad or not looking good. Aim to spot these subtle correlations in your life and remember that these are making sense for the instinctual brain not for the analytical brain. If you start to analyze too much rationally you will miss the instinctual brain subconscious correlations.

Shame is in a deeper layer of the subconscious that can also be accessed through meditation and self-introspection. You can ask yourself the question: "what did I learn to be ashamed of in my childhood?" or, "what my parents were ashamed of?" or, "when is the first time I remember when I was ashamed by others in public?".

Handling shame

The first step in handling shame is to identify the underlying shame behind the fear. Every time you tap into fear, ask yourself "what am I ashamed of?". In the beginning it might be hard to identify exactly the shame. The more you practice, the more you start to understand your shames. They would be similar shames coming up every time.

In my case, I am ashamed of being ridiculed in public and it is related to my physical look in some cases. In other cases, the shame is related to being unprepared. I have a false need to be prepared all the time. This costs me spontaneity and joy into my life. After you identify your shames, you can start working on them with the methods presented in the chapters related to wounds, masks and patterns. In few words, the first action is becoming aware of the shame and how it presents itself into your life and into your actions.

The second step is to identify and feel the part of your body that has sensations or even pain in relation to the feeling of shame. We might have shames about money, about sex, about intimacy, about closeness, etc. In general, the shame resides in the lower parts of the body like perineum, sexual organs, and pubococcygeus (PC) muscle. You can press gently in the area where the sensations are perceived and aim to bring blood flow and energize the area, in order to unblock the stuck tension and release the shame load from your body. Another method implies to take an opposite action to the one dictated by the shame. If the shame is to be ridiculed in public, make fun of yourself in public and acknowledge how you are still alive after that, you made some people laugh and, instead of being ridiculed you are in fact a funny person who makes people laugh. If this method is too much for where you are at the moment, respect the shame and give in a little bit, as much as you need to give in into it and leave for later more courageous actions.

The last method to work with overcoming shame is to use the identification technique. Identify yourself with the part in you that is not ashamed, find that part of you which is shameless, find your inner innocent child who is not afraid of anything who is not ashamed of anything because he does not know shame.
Shame is a deep, low frequency of our body and it needs attention and self-observation in order to understand and overcome it. Real meditation that raises our bodily vibration helps as well in overcoming shame. Also, any embodiment techniques are helping immensely with becoming free from unnecessary shame. From these I want to mention African dances, Tantra as taught at KamaSundari (http://kamasundari.com) and embodiment dances .

Jealousy

Jealousy is a cover up. There is no jealousy as such. Usually, what we feel when we are "jealous" is fear or anger. Sometimes sadness can be triggered when we experience "jealousy" and rarely shame. I will try to explain the mechanism of jealousy the best I can. Jealousy can be a very intense feeling and many times hard to control. Seeing the other partner giving attention to someone else, or even thinking that our partner can be interested in another partner can bring up a lot of intense emotions to the surface.

The first, and most common emotion that jealousy brings up is fear. The fear of being abandoned is probably the most common, either you are aware of it or not. Fear is sometimes very hard to spot because when we feel jealous, we usually use almost immediately a cover up pattern. In the case of jealousy, we can react by pushing away, withdrawal, payback or cheating pattern. Because of the intensity of jealousy, very rarely we stop and reflect deeper on what we truly feel in the moment. If it is the fear of being abandoned and we are able to spot it, we can apply one of the five methods to deal with the patterns: awareness, action, half action, body work or identification.

If the jealousy already triggered anger, then we need to deal with the anger first before we can dig deeper into other emotions. Anger can be triggered as a reaction to fear or a sensation of unfairness or simply due to any inauthenticity present in our life. Inauthenticity can be anything that we have in our life and we do not really want; it can be a behavior, a situation or even a relationship. The inauthenticity is most of the times unconscious, meaning that is present in our life and we do not know that is present in our life. From this perspective, anger can be a gift for us identifying the things that we do not want in our life and take action to transform them in things that we want in our life. For example, we are stuck in a job that we do not want, and anger will let us know something needs to change. You don't have to be radical and quit the job immediately when you get angry the first time, rather aiming to understand what in your job is causing the anger, maybe the paycheck, maybe just the attitude of a colleague or even just the position of the desk. Becoming self-aware can help us tremendously in making more accurate decisions towards our true wellbeing. Acting without awareness is acting from a cover-up pattern that can cause us even more unhappiness.

If the triggered emotion is sadness, then we might want to look in our life where we suppressed sadness or we have been sad and did not solve the issue and we still have sadness in our being. Here, a superior understanding upon life might be of great help, especially when we store sadness about the loss of a loved one.

Wounds, masks and

patterns

The wounds are all false creations of our mind when

we are very young, and our cognitive brain is not very

active. They are the creation of an unformed mind

because all these wounds are created between birth and

roughly fifteen years old. Some of the patterns are also

created at birth and those can be definitory for deeply

rooted behaviors. This book does not refer to the deep

patterns created during birth. Some of the wounds we

are referring to are created in cycles, one part is created

between 0 and 3, the other part between 3 and 6 and so

on and we are more conscious about the ones created

between 6 and 15 years old because generally we can

remember better events that occurred after 6 years old.

The wound of abandonment

and the mask of dependence

Abandonment is one of the misinterpretations that

children do when they are very small. In my case, I was

two years old, alone in the bedroom where I used to sleep

with my parents. My mother left the house because I

hear the door closing behind her and silence afterwards.

I climb down from the bed and I go to the bedroom door.

I see myself scared. The bedroom behind me is dark and

I crawl towards the more luminous hallway. I got this

imagery during a Shamanic Regression looking for the

source of my wound of abandonment. I know is true,

because I could feel what my two years old felt, I felt it in

my 40 years old body as real as I was there. The wound

of abandonment was false in my case, my mother came

back from the neighbor or from the grocery shop and

took care of me afterwards. As an adult, I would feel

abandoned when someone leaves, even for a short period

of time and I would need reassurance that they are

coming back. My background subconscious question

would be: “is this person going to stay? Is this person

going to leave?” My negative belief is “I don't deserve

people who love me to stay. I deserve people who love me

to leave me”. While consciously I want people who love

me to stay into my life, I would set them up

subconsciously to abandon me, like my mother did.

Becoming conscious of this aspect of my subconscious

allowed me to take more conscious actions so that people

I love, stay around me in this life.

I do not know your story, I only know the mechanism,

as children we need 100% attention and, when we do not

get it, we feel abandoned or rejected to a certain extent.

In some cases, the wound of abandonment is strong and

in other cases is mild. It is your own journey of self-awareness

to feel and identify this wound into your life.

Because as adults, we usually do not let ourselves to

feel the pain and to cry it out, we need to develop masks.

The correspondent mask for the abandonment pattern is

the mask of dependence. We either have the tendency to

become codependent in a relationship or we become

dependent on toxic substances like tobacco and alcohol.

For more insights into wounds and masks I

recommend that you read the book “Heal Your Wounds

and Find Your True Self” by Lise Bourbeau. For more

practical approaches into healing the wounds and

healing your life, keep reading or listening to this one.

Do you experience fear of being abandoned? Here are

few practical methods of dealing with the fear of being

abandoned.

First method is to feel it. Do not be afraid of the fear.

Feel the fear, accept it and embrace it, like you embrace

a little child, the wounded little child who is afraid.

Embrace your fear, accept it, make peace with it and see

what is behind that fear, just embrace it, everything else

will come to you. Imagine yourself embracing your fear

and accepting your fear, other things will come to you

and you will understand.

The second method. Understand the fear of being

abandoned, understand that as a little child you were

probably taken away from your mother's breast too soon,

understand that it is necessarily to feel this fear. Maybe

your mother died when you were a child and you did not

cry, or you did not connect with your feelings at that

moment. Understand the fear and observe it, feel it and

don't act on it, just stay with it, just be present with the

fear, is like a vibration, is like a snake, is like an

earthquake, an emotional earthquake. What can we do

with an earthquake? Run? No, stay, that is it, that is

what you do with the fear, you feel it and you stay with

it until is gone, until is consumed. Understand your fear,

understand the need of being cuddled, of being

nourished, of being reassured, not as a way to avoid

feeling the fear, but as a way to be comforted and held,

to feel the little child inside. Allow yourself a moment to

be held in the arms of the ones who love you.

The third method. Dis-identify yourself with the part

of you which is afraid and identify yourself with yourself.

This is a very profound principle we can apply. It is the

death of that part of us which is not us. Let your ego die,

let the small you die of fear by feeling the fear and allow

yourself to blossom.

Another method of dealing with emotions is to

understand the physiological need of the body in the

moment. The autonomous nervous system gets triggered

and it needs a certain bodily action in order to feel safe

again. That can be a muscle contraction, a walk in the

park or a 100 meters sprint. The autonomous nervous

system does not know the difference between a bear and

an opposing idea. When someone does not agree with our

idea we can react as if we are attacked by a bear or fight

or flight response. This reaction happens at the

subconscious level, without our awareness. In this case,

we can subtly contract a muscle in our body where we

feel the fight or flight sensation is the strongest or go and

get a glass of water from the other room. These simple

tricks might help our nervous system to feel safe again.

The runaway pattern

The pattern of running away can translate into a

behavior of not taking responsibility for your actions and

blaming the others for your condition and looking

outside of you for the causes of your pain, which makes

it much easier in the moment, but not in the long run. It

is unfortunately very common not to take responsibility

for our own actions and instead of being able to respond,

we are automatically reacting. One very simple way to

deal with the pattern of running away is to take

responsibility, become aware that everything that

happens to you is your responsibility, you are your own

life creator.

One way to run away is not being connected to your

body, which makes your body to be undernourished and

creates eating disorder, not eating enough, not taking

care of the physical body and all that comes with this.

The pattern of running away in one person usually

attracts the fear of being abandoned in the other person

and the meaning of this meeting is to heal, to bring light

and understanding. The goal is to heal the patterns and

understand the causes and to heal the fear, overcome

the fear, understand and feel the fear without being

taken by it.

To heal the pattern of running away is very simple:

STAY, even when you feel like running away, stay, that

is the action that brings the gold and the light.

Sometimes is very hard to stay and feel the intensity of

the urge to run away. The urge comes from the limbic

system and it is a manifestation of the fight and flight

response of the limbic brain. Going against the flee urge

of the limbic brain takes courage and awareness in order

to acknowledge the pattern and act with the exact

opposite that the pattern urges us to do.

The second method to overcome this pattern is to

understand the need of running away, to understand the

need of taking time for yourself and do the things that

you like. If you are in a couple relationship let the other

know that you need time for yourself: “I need two hours

for myself right now because I feel it is overwhelming”.

Take the time you need for yourself so that the limbic

brain relaxes. One example from my personal experience

is when I feel like quitting everything. Usually when the

need of quitting everything comes, when the sensation of

quitting everything comes, it is necessary only to quit one

thing, to prioritize or maybe just to sleep or take a break

and not to quit everything in your life, that would be

probably too much.

The third method to overcome the pattern of running

away is to acknowledge who you are, to disidentify

yourself with the part of you which wants to run away,

I'll say it again, disidentify with the part of you which

wants to run away, let that part of you that wants to run

away, run away. Imagine that the part which wants to

run away is not you and identify yourself with the part

of you that wants to stay, because ultimately, this is how

it is, your source, your soul, your heart wants to stay

and overcome that sensation of running away, your ego

wants to run away, the small you wants to run away, the

little girl, the scared little girl, the little boy wants to run

away, not to face the fear, not to repeat that experience

ever again but then the mature part of you, the enlighten

part of you wants to stay and overcome and grow into a

woman or a man.

These are three methods to overcome the pattern of

running away. Number one: The action, Stay. Number

two: Understanding the need and give the small tribute

to the need, feed the need with little bites and three:

disidentify yourself with the part which wants to run

away and identify yourself with the parts which wants to

grow and commit yourself to growth.

The wound of injustice and the

mask of rigidity

Let us look now at the wound of injustice. I will start

with a history from Indian tradition. The disciple asked

his master: “What justice is?” And the master answer to

the disciple: “Go and sit for one year on that rock and

meditate and after that I will tell you what justice is.”

After one year, the disciple came again to the master,

“Master, what justice is?” The master answered: “Now

for another year you will let the rock sit on you. That is

justice”.

The reason I'm calling the wounds as

misunderstandings is because this is what they are, they

are ideas. Justice is just an idea and it is usually seen

from only one point of view. When we are kids, we think

that something is unfair. Have you ever heard the kids

saying: “Ah, it's unfair”? Is it really unfair?

If we repeat saying “It's unfair” we subconsciously

start creating a reality of unfairness, of injustice. From

the phrase: “it's unfair”, we start to like rules, to make

rules and live by the rules, we might even choose lawyer

as a career. Creating the mask of rigidity, based on rules

helps us cope with the wound of injustice and we need

this mechanism of coping because we do not want to feel

again that injustice that happened to us.

The way we deal with the wound of injustice is the

mask of rigidity which has different aspects. We can like

rules in the way that we cannot operate in an

environment without clear rules. We might like order to

the extreme of perfection, we can like to be our way, we

might not like change, we might like integrity, etc. These

are all good values, if you respect them from a place of

harmony, not from a place of protection and fear. We can

make the distinction between a clean space and a space

of fear by the level of attachment to rules, order,

perfection and integrity. If we use these values as a

mechanism of protection from feeling left out or being

treated unfair then it is clear, we are under the influence

of the wound of injustice.

The mask of rigidity can take many forms and there

are few ways to deal with it. The first method is to take

action. If you observe that you have the tendency to be

rigid, or you are stuck in rules, or you cannot think by

yourself and you have to follow a certain order, one way

to do it is to become a little bit messy, break a rule, be

more flexible in a situation where you wouldn't be flexible

and this is done by observing your own behavior and by

taking conscious action.

The second way to deal with the mask of rigidity is to

observe the need to be rigid, observe the need to be in

order and then bend it, instead of breaking the rule, bend

the rule. This is a lighter way, instead of messing up the

whole rule, you just play with bending the rule or

messing a little bit the order. Probably your house is very

tidy if you are dealing with the mask of rigidity and order

is very important. In that case you can put a napkin in

the middle of the room, leave there for two days, even

though deep inside it bothers you because it is not in

order, it is not in the right place, leave the napkin there

and observe the bother inside of you.

The third way to deal with the mask of rigidity is from

the physical body. You can do some yoga or some

stretching because rigidity will be reflected in your

physical body as well. It can be from a little stiffness in

your back to much advanced forms of rigidity. I don't

know where you are. What I know is that by using the

physical body you can become more flexible also in life

and ultimately heal the wound of injustice. Flex your

body a little bit, observe the points of resistance in your

body and flex it a little bit more, with love and gentleness.

When you practice stretching you might have an

emotional reaction, observe it and feel the emotion.

The fourth method is to dis-identify yourself with the

pattern in you that needs to be rigid. Who needs to be

rigid? Is the rigid one who you really are? Is the rigid one

who you want you to be? Who are you?

To recapitulate, action one: break a rule, action two:

bend a rule, become more flexible in a situation you

wouldn't be that flexible, action three: become more

flexible in your body, do some yoga, stretching and,

action four: dis-identify yourself from the part that needs

to be rigid.

The payback pattern

The payback pattern is another way of responding to

injustice. When we are young, we evaluate justice as per

our own preferences. We believe that justice is that

everyone is treated equally. Is it true? Think about it,

God, the Universal Intelligence created everything

unequal. Trees, mountains, rivers, animals, humans are

all different. Justice is not equality. Justice is inequality.

Justice is giving everyone what they need. The way we

evaluate justice is from our point of view and our point

of view is selfish. Justice is an illusion. We cannot

evaluate justice from a single limited point of view, not

even from a moral point of view, the true justice is a

perfect harmony with the whole Universe, the true

justice is "what is". Everything is happening for a reason

and justice is not our concern, justice is the concern of

the Universal laws: the law of attraction or the law of

resonance, the law of Karma, the law of Universal

Harmony, etc.

By seeking justice from our own point of view is always

limited. What we should seek instead is a Higher

Perspective a Higher Understanding.

By trying to payback to someone is only a selfish

reaction to something we perceived as unjust from our

own limited perspective.

If you are struggling with the payback pattern it is good

to uncover from your subconscious those situations in

your early childhood when you perceived something that

happened to you or to your loved once as unfair. Those

situations might be still present in your personal

narratives. You might even say it out loud often: "Life is

unfair".

A simple method to heal the injustice wound is to

reevaluate what is fair and what is unfair. From the

perspective of the law of Karma, everything that is going

on in our lives is a consequence of our past, it is a fair

and exact payback of what we did in past lives. If you do

not believe in reincarnation it does not mean it does not

exist. When you go deeper into trying to understand the

Universe, reincarnation makes sense. Understanding

deeper and broader the entire manifestation, or Maya

(Hindus are calling this existence, Maya, The Great

Illusion), helps one being to understand the Divine

Justice.

Another simple method is to listen to others’ points of

view and consider them valid from their own perception

of reality point of view. In the beginning it might be

difficult to validate others’ points of view if they conflict

with ours. When we realize they are all only individual

points of view, it gets easier to get them. I often ask

myself, why do I have this point of view? What in my past

determined the way I think right now? What is God's

point of view?

One last method to overcome the pattern of payback

is to accept the reality. Louise Hay has a beautiful

practice to remove “should” and “should not” from our

vocabulary. We are arguing with reality like we know how

things should or should not be. Do we really know that?

From where? What is the source of our “should” and

“should not”? Byron Katie, in her book: "Loving what is"

nailed it with four simple questions to ask every thought

that we have: 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know

that is true? 3. How do you react when you think that

thought? 4. Who would you be without that thought?

Next time when you have the tendency to payback as

a reaction to an injustice, stop for a moment and apply

one of these methods and feel the difference in your

body. I can assure you that you will feel better, more in

control, more conscious and freer to act, rather than

react.

The exact opposite of the wound of injustice and

payback pattern is the virtue of generosity. By giving

more to others than they deserve is a divinely integrated

investment into their well-being. Another opposite of

injustice and payback is love. By giving love to others we

receive love from the Universe. An investment of love in

another person who needs it, pays back multiplied by the

Universal law of attraction. Love attracts Love.

The wound of rejection and the

mask of withdrawal

The wound of rejection is created when we feel

rejected at a very early age sometimes even during the

first three years of our life. The coping mechanism for the

wound of rejection is the mask of withdrawal according

to Lise Bourbeau in her book “Heal Your Wounds and

Find Your True Self”.

Let's say we are two years old and we want to be

hugged and we scream and cry and our parents do not

understand what we want and we crawl to the parents

and, let's say the parents are busy and they push us

away or just ignore us. That simple push away is

registered in our subconscious as rejection. At two years

old we do not have the capacity to understand that our

parents are busy, and we take everything personally. Al

that we know at two years old is that we want to be

hugged and we are not hugged.

When we are rejected, we can create different negative

beliefs, for example “I'm not good enough” or “I am not

worthy” and we will talk about this in a later chapter.

The escape from the pain of rejection is withdrawal

and the withdrawal will not only be a social one but also

it will be visible in your body language and body

structure. When we grow up with this wound, we are

probably skinny and we have our shoulders leaning

forward, because these are mental structures and there

are emotional structures which are affecting everything

in our life. We are probably skinny, we probably hate our

body, we don't want to eat, we have eating disorders, we

are not in our body, we don't love our body, we don't take

care of our body, etc.

Generally we have more than one wound and if we

are not aware of them, we cannot really feel good, we can

fake good but we don't really feel good fully, we don't feel

fully content, because we feel that there's something

there and we have to deal with. It can be a feeling of

unease. How can we feel good? First we need to become

aware: “Ok I have this wound, I can see it in my body, I

can see it in my breath, I can see it in my life, I can see

all these actions that I am doing and, Oh my God, all my

life is spinning around this.” The awareness is the first

step.

Once we are aware, we can start “fixing” the wound

of rejection by simply correcting the body posture. Yes,

it is that simple, by correcting the shoulders position

constantly and opening the chest we will bring more

confidence in our body and in our power. The simple

action of breathing in and opening the chest and keeping

the chest open will help us feel better, more confident

and less in pain. For some of us, this simple exercise

might be painful due to years of wrong body posture. In

this case your discretion and common sense is required

in approaching the body work. Dr Mahanyana Dugast

calls this BBC: body breath connection, in Yoga tradition

it is called Pranayama and this is a very simple exercise

to bring awareness into your body: open the chest,

breath in, keep the chest open and bring more oxygen

into your lungs, breath out, lower your shoulders and

pull them towards the back.

This is just one of the exercises to correct the wounds.

In this book you will find more exercises that will help

you heal the wounds, to deal with them, to embrace them

and to make them your steppingstones towards

becoming a complete and fulfilled human being.

Due to the pain of the wound of rejection we generate

the coping mechanism of withdrawal. Every wound

creates a negative belief and then it creates a mechanism

of dealing with the negative belief, and that is a mental

pattern which becomes automatic. The wound of

rejection and the mask of withdrawal creates the pattern

of pushing away.

Another very efficient method for healing the wound

is to eat good an

The pushing away pattern

The pushing away pattern is created as a coping

mechanism to the wound of rejection. What better way

to deal with rejection, than keeping people at a distance

so that they do not get the chance to reject you? It is a

form of fear of being hurt that generates the pushing

away pattern.

Rejection can be very hurtful when felt with an open

heart and the coping mechanism appears as a self-preservation

reaction. The downside of the pushing away

pattern is that the result is the same, we end up alone.

Rejected or not, by pushing away people, the result is the

same. This is a very important aspect of the shadow,

when we try to avoid something, in this case, being alone,

we attract exactly what we try to avoid. With the pattern

of pushing away people, we are pushing away love, while

aiming to avoid rejection and the reason behind is a

deeper fear, the fear of being alone. While we try to avoid

being rejected in order not to be alone, we are pushing

away people and we end up being alone. This is a typical

mechanism of subconscious fear patterns. It is good to

become aware of it and see how it is playing in our day

to day life. Once spotted and observed, we can take

conscious action.

Like in all the other patterns, the first level of

removing the pattern is to become aware of it. Usually

the pattern is in a blind spot so we do not see it unless

we can look at ourselves from outside, with objectivity.

We can spot the pattern by asking our life partner, if

we have one, or a friend, they will tell us pretty accurate

what are our patterns. Because we don't see it, when

people are telling us about our patterns, we tend to deny

them and defend ourselves. You can skip the

unnecessary denial and look for the patterns in your life

in order to grow into a fully empowered human being

that can achieve anything in life.

Once you become aware of a pattern you can take a

conscious action to stop all the activities in the present

moment and reflect, breath and become present in the

present moment. The reason you should stop everything

in the moment you spot the pattern manifesting, is

because in that moment you are acting from the pattern

and by stopping all that you are doing, you stop the

pattern from acting. Let's say, you observe yourself

pushing away a person that you actually want to have in

your life, but you act like you don't, and you observe this

happening, in that moment you can ask for a timeout for

reflection. Take 5 minutes, 10 minutes of breathing

calmly and reflect on the present moment. Also reflect on

what you want, what you really want and what you need.

Once that is figured out, you can communicate to the

person you are in a discussion with, and also ask what

the person wants and need in that moment.

Taking a timeout is a very powerful method for

stopping the patterns. It is good to communicate clearly

that you need a timeout and you will come back.

Otherwise another wound might kick in for the partner,

the fear of being abandoned. Ask for a timeout when you

need, when you feel the discussion, or the actions are

taking a direction that might damage the relationship.

Another method to observe the pattern is to take a

half action to stop the pattern. What does this mean?

When you observe the pattern, you allow it to happen

only halfway while being conscious of it. In this case you

can say to the other person, "I need to push you away for

a while, maybe just 10 minutes, I need to experience this

in order to understand it deeper. Would you allow me to

do this for my growth?". Many times, the communication

is not as perfect as I wrote it here, that is why it is

important that both persons involved have minimal

knowledge regarding the other person's patterns as well

as their own. Building awareness in a couple it's an art

that needs practice, patience and love in order to master.

The fourth method for dealing with a pattern is to find

out the body part that vibrates or is tensed during the

manifestation of the pattern. There is always a

correspondence between a wound, a pattern and a body

part. By releasing the tension from the body related the

pattern, we remove the manifestation of the pattern, or

at least diminish its intensity. This method might be

difficult if you are not connected with your body. In order

to be connected with your body you must feel the

sensations inside your body associated with emotions on

a regular basis, even daily. For example, fear will be felt

in the root chakra area or in the stomach area or

sometimes in the neck area. The sensations can be

energetic or even physical. Once identified, the tension

can be released by soft massage of the area or

pressopuncture, pressing the area with the thumb or

index until the tension is gone. Chinese medicine

knowledge can help here tremendously.

The wound of humiliation and

the mask of masochism

In the current society, lack of self-love is the biggest

disease of the human beings. Wrong ideas about love and

how to love each other are causing a lot of sufferance,

and masochism acts as a mask, as a cover-up of the

wound of humiliation. The lack of self-love plays an

important role in this, because, when under the mask of

masochism, we do not take care of our body, we over

solicit our body, we do not give it enough sleep, we give

it too much food or not enough food, we enter in toxic

relationships, we stay in toxic relationships, etc. All

these are manifestations of the lack of self-love. In

general, in our current society, we just don't take care

enough of our body and of our soul, of our well-being and

we don't need to read this book to figure this out, we can

just walk on the street and observe people who are

overweight, over stressed, underweight, sad, angry, etc.

Wound of humiliation is created, like all the other

wounds, in the childhood and it can be caused by

anything that was demeaning for our self-esteem, our

self-worth, or even worse, real public humiliation. We do

not need a huge audience as children to feel humiliated,

it can be a friend, a neighbor or classmates. When a

parent, a caretaker or even a teacher does something to

us that we record as humiliating, the wound of

humiliation will be recorded as a memory in our

subconscious. If somebody does it to us as adults, we

will probably react: “Go away, you don't have the right”,

but when we are young, our subconscious is more

receptive. Another mechanism we need to be aware is

that, when humiliation is done by people we trust, we

respect or we love, it will create the negative belief that

we deserve to be humiliated, because we see these people

as having authority and knowing better than we do.

As a consequence of the wound of humiliation we

create the mask of masochism and we humiliate

ourselves, we put ourselves in situations where we

suffer. Because most of the time this is subconscious, we

do not see it, and we would call it fate. It is not fate, it is

our subconscious, and subconscious can be

acknowledged and rewritten. What we call faith and bad

luck it’s us, it is our subconscious and subconscious can

be rewritten in many ways, meditation, bodywork, yoga,

dancing and other practices who are able to rewire our

brain. When we acknowledge the mask of masochism

and heal it, we can become happy, we can realize that we

deserve to be happy, that we do not need to suffer

anymore and feel good.

Something happened in our childhood and we

recorded it as humiliation, and we believe

subconsciously that we deserve to be humiliated. If that

would be so, then we deserve to be humiliated once, but

because this is hidden from our awareness, we continue

to punish yourself again and again. This is the unfair

mechanism of the subconscious wounds, masks and

patterns. When we make a mistake, we are entitled to be

punished once. When the mistake is subconscious, we

are punishing ourselves multiple times for the same

event. This can last ten, twenty years or more until the

subconscious becomes conscious.

The wound of humiliation can be manifested and

triggered by dropping food on your new white trousers,

spoiling your new white t-shirt, spoiling the party that

you always dreamed of and anything that you want

consciously to be harmonious and perfect and for some

reason it gets spoiled.

If you are in one of these situations and you want to

heal this wound of humiliation, here are few methods

that worked for me. One method is to acknowledge that

you have it, acknowledge that you have the wound of

humiliation and acknowledge your pattern of masochism

and observe it. “Oh my God I spill food again on my

trousers”. This is the wound of humiliation manifesting

and this is the pattern of masochism and it takes a desire

and a decision to end the pattern. “Okay I have it I want

to get rid of it, I am tired of suffering, I’m tired of being

unloving with myself, I’m willing to love myself”.

The second method is to understand how the mind

works and what humiliation is. Humiliation appears to

be real because we care how we look in front of others. If

we would be detached about our self-image, humiliation

would not have a space to manifest. When you spill food

on your trousers, there is some idea in your head that

spilled trousers are bad and are making us look bad. I

am not saying to spill food on your white trousers and

walk proudly in the city. What I am saying is to

acknowledge why you can feel humiliated when you spill

food on your clothes and that is because you do not want

to look bad. If you can still feel good, while having a stain

on your white trousers or on your white dress, you will

look bad according to society standard and you will feel

good inside no matter what. You can say: “I have stain

on my trousers, it’s not a big deal”, You can make fun of

it and laugh at the situation.

The third method of healing the wound is to take

action. In the case of the food stain, change your trousers

and I pay more attention when eating. You can pay

attention to the food which might be a very good practice

in itself for increasing presence and awareness. Eating

mindfully has also tremendous health benefits.

Do not think too much when you are eating, and, if

thoughts appear, observe your thoughts, and allow

yourself to look good. Also treat yourself with things that

make you look good, do your hair, take care of your body,

do things that make you look beautiful and make you

look good, there is nothing wrong with looking good.

Look good if that is what makes you happy.

The fourth method is disidentification. Who wants to

be humiliated? I am not that part of myself, I am more

than that, I am bigger than that. You disidentify yourself

with the part of you who is suffering, who is affected by

being humiliated and you identify yourself with your

higher self, with the bigger you.

Another method to heal the wound of humiliation is

through the body awareness. In her book “Heal Your

Wounds & Find Your True Self”, Lise Bourbeau,

describes the body pattern of the wound of humiliation.

She says that the body will have a certain shape, if the

wound of humiliation is the predominant, and the body

pattern will be eventually overweight. You can use your

overweight body to humiliate yourself. It can also be

another body shape that makes you feel humiliated with

your body. In the case of the wound of humiliation, the

person will not be pleased with the body appearance.

There is nothing wrong with a fat body, actually beauty

is not measured in size but the society idea that only a

slim and fit body is beautiful makes you actually grow a

fat body, so that you are humiliated according to the

society standard. One way to heal the wound of

humiliation through the body awareness is to eat

healthy, have a good diet, go to gym, take care of your

body, keep your body in good shape. Probably your

metabolism became slow just to humiliate you, that is

how it works, your belief system can affect your

metabolism. Act directly to the body and keep a diet, eat

less, acknowledge when you need to eat, what is the need

for eating. Napoleon Hill recommends fasting in his book:

“Think and Grow Rich” in order to train the mind and to

show the stomach who is the boss. Train your will to

have healthy control of the habits.

Another method to heal the wound of humiliation is

to love yourself, to love everything that you are is this

moment. Stop judging yourself: “I am not that”, “I am not

Angelina Jolie”, “I am not Brad Pitt”. Good! You are

yourself and you are perfect as you are! Start to love

yourself as you are. For this, I really recommend

searching for Sean Stephenson on YouTube or read his

book Get Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and

Stand Up for Yourself (2009). I will not say more, just

search for this guy and watch his motivational and

inspirational speeches. To have more and more examples

of how to love yourself, how to love your body, no matter

what and note that is a temporary vehicle, your body will

last probably more or less 80 to 100 years so, it’s not a

hard job, give it a try. Love your body in this lifetime, in

this moment, give yourself a chance to love this body and

then you will observe the real miracles, your life will

become better, your life will become more fulfilling.

To recapitulate, the first action: acknowledge that you

have the wound and the pattern, second: learn how the

mind works and understand how humiliation is created,

third: take an action, pay more attention while you are

doing actions that cause more humiliation, fourth:

dis-identify yourself from the person who is humiliated,

fifth: take care of your body, and learn to be proud of

your body, start to love your body and sixth: love

yourself.

The self-sabotage pattern

The self-sabotage pattern appears as a subconscious

consequence of the wound of humiliation. Somehow, at

the subconscious level, we believe we deserve to be

humiliated and that is why we create situations in our

life where we will be humiliated. The self-sabotage

pattern, like the mask of humiliation, can play out in

your life as simple spilling food on the brand-new

trousers or even ruining the relationship you have been

dreaming of your whole life. The self-sabotage pattern is

one of the most destructive and painful patterns because

it destroys what we work hard for, after we got it. Being

aware of this pattern and annihilating it before is too late

is crucial for a happy and fulfilling life.

Imagine a beautiful house you built for three years

with your own hands and one night a bulldozer comes

and tears it down. The bulldozer is the self-sabotage

pattern. The secret of the self-sabotage pattern is in the

actions. We can identify the pattern in the actions that

we do once we achieve a certain state of well-being or a

certain gain. The background negative belief can be "I

don't deserve to be happy", "I don't deserve to be loved",

"I don't deserve to be rich" or any other "I don't deserve"

type of belief. Because the negative belief is still active, it

tries to make us prove that belief. If we discover the

negative belief or the destructive actions, we can stop the

self-sabotage pattern from manifesting simply by

stopping the destructive action. As real the patterns are,

as easy it is to stop them, with one condition, to take

conscious action.

I will break this method in three easy steps: 1.

Become aware of the pattern - find out the actions that

the pattern wants you to do, observe and evaluate the

consequences of those actions. 2. Don't judge the

pattern, embrace the pattern and thank the pattern for

showing up. 3. Take an action that breaks the pattern.

This method can be applied with every pattern.

Some self-destructive actions are "helping" us to cope

with intense emotions that we do not want to feel. Coping

is a self-preservation mechanism that keeps us away

from pain. The downside of the coping mechanisms is

that they keep us away from feeling anything, shutting

us down emotionally under the pretext that we are

strong. That is a lie. Strong are the people who have

emotions and express them in a constructive way not

people who shut down their emotions. Feel your

emotions, they will pass! Only suppressed emotions

persist. Everyone gets humiliated in a way or another. It

doesn't matter unless you make it matter. Laugh at

yourself. Remember all the moments in your life when

you were humiliated and laugh at them, cry at them,

scream at them and you will feel relieved and free. This

would be another method to stop the self-sabotaging

pattern, through reliving the humiliation moments with

the adult mind and rewrite the story. Tell yourself after

each of these moments that you are worthy of love, joy

and happiness.

Another method to stop the self-sabotaging pattern is

to realize the duality within yourself, to realize who was

humiliated, was it you? Was your pride humiliated? Then

drop your pride. Was your need to look good humiliated?

Then drop your need to look good. Was your ego

humiliated? Then drop your ego and pick up your soul,

pick up your true Self and start living life to the fullest.

Your Self is never humiliated, only your mind. And your

mind, the troubleshooter is looking for trouble. Don't let

your mind trick you. You survived the humiliation,

which means it didn't touch your core. You are made by

love, with love by a Universal Intelligence that we can

hardly explain with our mind. Your Soul cannot be

humiliated. Connect to that dimension inside of you who

was untouched when stuff happened in your life. That

dimension is your core, yourself, your Self and that

cannot be humiliated, and it does not need any patterns.

You can use this last part as a meditation, you can ask

yourself two questions: 1. Who was humiliated? 2. Who

am I?

Ramana Maharishi used the second question: "Who am

I?" to teach his disciples their true Divine nature.

The wound of betrayal and the

mask of control

Just as an introduction to this, I want to be very clear

about the wounds. The wounds are not of the Soul, the

wounds are of the Ego, the wounds are of the emotional

structures. One of my masters has been asked which his

favorite spiritual practice is, and his answer was:

Samyama (from Sanskrit संयम saṃ-yama—holding

together, tying up, binding, integration). I use Samyama

as a practice of Identification. As long we are identified

with the Ego, we will be identified with the wounds and

we have the tendency to identify with a lot of things on a

daily basis on an hourly basis. Once you are identified

with the Soul, the wounds are something you are not

anymore identified with and this is in itself a very deep

Spiritual practice, the practice of identification with the

Soul and the practice of identification with the Source of

the Soul. This does not mean you are not feeling the

wounds, this does not mean that you are not feeling the

pain, the sorrow or whatever feeling they are bringing, it

means that you will realize you are not the wounds, you

are not the little you, the Ego and you are more than

that. In this way, you will make the wounds be bearable

and, in time, heal the wounds completely by this

practice. The wounds will dissolve in the awareness of

the Soul and of the Source or at least they will become

unimportant for who you really are. And you start then

not being so much affected by the wounds.

Now, going back to the wound of betrayal, which

would be present for many of us. This was created with

the logic of a 3 to 6 years old. What now will not make

any sense for the adult cognitive mind, it made perfect

sense for a 3 to 6 years old mind. What I am referring

here is the logic and understanding which we have along

the length of our life is changing and that is in fact

affecting our perception. When we are very young, our

logic is very basic, and we misunderstand and

misinterpret the messages given to us by the reality

around us. When we are young, our subconscious runs

in recording mode and our cognitive mind is not that

developed, and we interpret basic facts of live, like

parents being busy with their job, in a negative way, and

we create the wound of betrayal.

A simple gesture or a simple remark of a busy parent

can create in the Subconscious of the child a record

which will manifest later on in life as the wound of

betrayal. Let’s say that the parents are telling us: “all

right, we will buy you this beautiful toy car tomorrow” to

calm us down and to make us stop crying. After that they

do not buy that car for us, and they distract our attention

with something else, and we will be happy to forget the

event completely. What is recorded by the child

subconscious is that the parents said something, and

they did not do what they said, and that is translated as

betrayal. That promise is recorded by our Subconscious

and later on we will have trust issues, we will feel

betrayed easily or even develop resistance to a certain

gender male or female, depending who made that

promise to us. As a kid, we will not even remember that

event, but as an adult, we will “translate” all the time our

reality based on that occurrence.

We must understand that, when we are kids, we do

not realize that our parents or caretakers are not perfect,

we consider them perfect, we see them as our Gods, with

absolute power, that is why they are so strong role

models for us. Later on, we do understand that they had

their reasons, they did not mean it, but that does not

rewrite our Subconscious.

These “Gods” in our lives are saying something and

they do not do, and we create the wound of betrayal.

When we become adults, of course we do not want to feel

betrayed, and we will not allow that to happen again to

us. This is how we create an adult mask for the wound

of betrayal, the mask of control.

You might say, “control is good”, “I need to control

myself”. Yes, it is good to control the emotions and that

is what this book is all about. Control is good, however,

the control mask I am talking about is what we would

call a control freak who is afraid constantly that will lose

control and act in any possible way not to lose control.

The fear of losing control makes the mask of control not

being a very beneficial attitude. I am talking here of a

person who has the tendency to control everything, and

most of the times we try to control things that are

uncontrollable. Some of us might have the “helping

hands” habit when we try help everybody in an obsessive

manner. Mothers try to control their kids, all their

feelings, all their reactions, at work we try to control all

the outcomes, all the feedback, all the other’s people

reactions and we do not have any more a clear

distinctions for the things that we can control and the

things that we cannot control. One very good exercise in

order to get real in the case of the mask of control, is to

ask ourselves consciously: “what can we control and

what we cannot control?”. Then focus on the things we

can control in life and not worry about all the things that

we cannot control.

When we are under the influence of the mask of

control, in a relationship we will try to control our

partner, wanting to know all the time where they are

what are they doing, trying to control every move they

are making.

Control manifested in this manner does not allow

your nervous system to relax, and causes high level of

stress, disease and in some acute cases even premature

death. If our nervous system is not able to relax, our

body is not able to relax. As an antidote to the mask of

control, here are few methods to relax and allow yourself

to lose control in a healthy manner, to surrender to life

and trust.

The first method is just to observe that you are a

control freak and you want control in every situation.

One very important aspect for healing the wound is

to admit it exists. Then identify the aspects that wound

is manifesting in your life and you choose to transform.

The first method is to observe what you feel in regard to

a certain situation, and what you do automatically, in

regard to a certain situation. This is the first step toward

allowing yourself to relax and surrender, the simple act

of observation of the automatic behaviors of the mask of

control. It can be a tight fist, or hands clenched together,

or a contraction of a muscle, etc. Observe the

automatism and become conscious of it and when it

appears.

The second method is to take action towards letting

go of control, for example going into a roller coaster or

bungy jumping. Choose something that is safe and

allows yourself to lose control for a certain period of time,

for example dancing as a follower where you allow

another person to lead your steps and body movements.

Any activity where you exercise surrender in a conscious

way, with good intentions, is a good practice for relaxing

the nervous system and trust life.

The third method is deidentification. Deidentify

yourself with the part in you with the part which needs

to control. Deidentify yourself with the part in you who

is afraid of surrender. This is a way of identifying yourself

with the bigger You, the You that you are about to

discover, who is greater than the you that needs to

control. Without sounding too philosophical here, this is

a simple method for any person to look at the same

situation with different eyes, from a different perspective.

Give it a try, allow yourself to explore new ways of looking

at the same situation and surrender and relax into losing

control.

The fourth method is through the physical body. Most

probably in the case of the wound of rejection and mask

of control your body is rigid and muscular. This is

showing power and control through your physical body.

It is good to take care of your body and go to gym, but if

you are attached and obsessed with your body being that

way it might actually hide a wound of rejection. I am not

saying to drop off the gym, I am saying, to allow yourself

to soften up, for example go to a relaxing massage, relax

your muscles, put your shoulders down, take a deep

breath and allow yourself to be weak in certain

situations. From my personal example I always combine

gym and yoga so that I offer my body strength and

flexibility in the same time.

The cheating pattern

When we think we are betrayed, we feel a very intense

feeling that we call the feeling of betrayal and usually it

manifests around the heart and neck areas. Here we

need to understand what betrayal really is. Betrayal is

the moment we realize that a person we thought is going

to act in a certain way, acts exactly the opposite.

Cheating, like any other pattern, comes from fear, it

manifests as an unconscious reaction to the fear of being

betrayed. What better way to avoid betrayal than to

betray the other person? This is totally the opposite in

this case, because betrayal attracts betrayal. The best

way to cause the other person to betray you is to betray

the other person.

Betrayal and cheating are always coming from the

unresolved shadow part of the subconscious. In the

shadow behind cheating can be also the fear of being

abandoned and we can use multiple relationships to

avoid feeling the pain of abandonment in case one of the

partners is leaving.

My intention in this chapter and in this book is not

to make cheating or other patterns wrong. My intention

is to offer you tools for a deeper understanding of

yourself and others, and to enable you to take more and

more conscious decisions rather than reacting

unconsciously to life.

Cheating can damage trust in a relationship and

sometimes, when we are not conscious, we can hurt our

partner and ourselves with the manifestations of the

cheating pattern.

Understanding deeper the cheating pattern can help

us tremendously in our love relationship.

The cheating pattern can be also a manifestation of

certain needs that are not met within the couple

relationship and those needs are not necessarily of a

sexual nature. Sometimes we just need attention or

validation. Sometimes we need encouragement,

sometimes we just need more touch. We all have our

ways we perceive love and not all the time we perceive

love from our partner the way he or she is giving it to us.

Understanding each other's love languages is very

important in order to feel fulfilled in a love relationship.

The book “The Five Live Languages” of Garry Chapman

helps a lot in understanding and applying the love

languages in the couple relationship.

Understanding our own needs and wants in a

relationship helps a lot in becoming conscious and aware

and avoid the manifestation of the patterns including the

cheating pattern.

Many of us suffer from the fear of commitment. What

is the fear of commitment if we analyze it deeper? It is

the fear of suffering, the fear to be hurt, the fear of pain,

the fear of abandonment or some other related fears. By

uncovering our fears, we start to understand ourselves

and why we act the way we act. Uncovering our fears

help us to understand what we really want, deep in our

heart and start to walk our way towards it. Subconscious

fear can determine actions and behaviors that we don't

really want, and we are afraid to let go of. The fear of

commitment is related to the cheating pattern because,

if we are afraid of commitment, we will cheat so that the

other person leaves us. We can use other subconscious

patterns to make our partner leave us, although

consciously we do not want that. Unless we become

conscious, the subconscious plays the game for us.

One simple method to conquer the cheating pattern

is to not cheat and aim to understand deeper why we

have the tendency to cheat. There can be many reasons

why we have the tendency to cheat and they all come

from a core belief in our belief system. To understand

better how the beliefs system works, read the chapter

about beliefs.

Another simple and challenging method is to share

with your partner the tendency to cheat and aim to

understand together where the tendency comes from:

fears, needs, negative beliefs about relationships, etc. If

the couple is open to explore the subconscious together

chances are that a lot of healing and realizations will

occur in the couple relationship.

One last method is to allow the pattern to unfold

until a certain point where you decide yourself or

together with your partner and observe what was the

lesson, what was the need, fear, belief or something else.

Healing the wounds

How can we heal the wounds? We can start healing

the wounds by understanding the wound, identify it,

understanding the fear behind the wound, understand

the body type and the body gestures associated with it,

understand the patterns associated with the wound and

then apply one of the methods described in this training to

heal the wound.

Wounds healing tree

Today I learned from a tree what means to heal the

wounds, and how trees heal their wounds, their lower

branches are cut and, in the place of the branches an

incense is springing from the trees, filling in the wound

with beautiful smelling incense, protecting the wound,

beautifying the wound into art. The lower branches of

the trees are cut, so that the tree can grow taller, higher

and the remaining branches are more beautiful, of a

lighter green. The wounds are necessary in order to

release, let go of the old and grow into the new. The

incense, the sap of the tree is the wisdom that heals the

wound.

The first stage in healing is denial

Most of us are living their lives in denial. We do not

want to acknowledge that the wound is there, we do not

want to see it, we do not want to face it because we are

afraid of what we might find out. Therefore, we do not

look at the wound, we leave it there, unseen. One part of

us knows that it is there and one part of us does not

want to look at it. The wound can be accessed at three

levels: mental, emotional and physical. At the mental

levels we can access it through meditation, coaching,

introspection, analysis of our actions and the reasons we

are doing certain things, like asking yourself: “Why?”,

“Why is this happening to me? What for? Why am I acting

the way I am acting? Why am I doing this? Why am I

doing this to myself? What is the scope of my actions?

What is the intention of my actions?” These questions

are not for us to answer from the little voice in our heads

and start creating stories about our actions. These

questions are meant to wake us up to reality and become

present to our actions, their hidden subconscious

reasons, which we might not like to admit. These

questions are designed to unveil from our subconscious

what makes us suffer, makes us unhappy or just stays

in our way to become more than we are in this moment,

to create a quantum leap in our life. It is good to be

honest and curious when we answer these questions and

not answer them automatically, like we most of the time

answer to questions in life. Remember, this is about

denial and I know we are very good at that, because

sometimes is unpleasant to wake up and see.

Second way to access what is hidden is through

emotions. See what we feel, what we really feel regarding

a situation. Usually when we are hiding certain things,

we are accessing it through emotions. It does not matter

the situation we are put into, the emotion is still the

same. If we would have stored anger, pretty much

everything will lead to anger. Every situation will turn

into us being angry because that is what we have stored.

Is like you are going to the storage room, it does not

matter which door you are entering or if you are entering

the window or if you break in, you will find what is in the

storage, does not matter if you want to find something

else or if you think you will find something else, you will

still find what it is. It does not matter if you want to find

good wine there, if you stored bad liqueurs, guess what

you will find, bad liqueurs. It is the same with emotions,

it does not matter if you want to find love and harmony

and bliss, if you stored anger, frustration, sadness,

guess what you will find. And many people will say, anger

is bad, sadness is bad, it is wrong to be angry. What I

say is that denied anger is much worse than expressed

anger, because stored anger kills you from inside. I am

not suggesting you expressing anger in an uncontrolled

way and hurt other people, that might not work very well

in your life either. What I am saying is to look, with

honesty, what is in the storage and deal with it in a

conscious way, with honesty and humbleness.

Some people would like to throw away the bad

liqueurs, some will pretend they do not exist, some will

start drinking them hoping they will go away, and some

of them will fall in love with the bad liqueurs and they

will resign saying that, you see, I have so much bad

liqueurs and that is why my life is so miserable. The bad

liqueurs are called many names, wounds, traumas,

daemons, history, unhappy childhood, toxic parents,

bad relationship, bad luck and they are used by people

to justify their misery.

I am calling them misunderstandings. We

misunderstood most of the events in our life and the

reason is because most the events that impacted our

lives and we do not see that they impacted our lives

happened when we were 0 to 14 years of age. Would you

trust a 3 years old to run your life? Well, this is what we

do, because, believe it or not, a toddler or a young kid

made most of the storage in our warehouse. When you

are finding yourself justifying the situation you are in

right now by “I have a wound”, “I have a trauma”, “I had

an unhappy childhood” or any other good reason, you

are dis-empowering yourself on taking ownership of your

life and live it fully. People like to take on the victim role,

because then they do not have to take responsibility for

their lives and that leaves them comfortable, dead

comfortable. This allow themselves not to face the issue,

“oh, I have a wound, what can I do?”, well understand it,

because it is a misunderstanding.

So, you can access the wound through emotions and

emotions arise to the surface triggered by external

factors. External factors are not that important. It might

be your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your mom, your dad,

your boss, whoever. Pay attention to the emotion which

is triggered and see what is because that is what you

need to solve, what you need to understand.

The third way to access the wound is through the

physical body. Even when you are reading this book or

listening to this book, if you are really present into your

physical body, you will feel. You will feel what is stored,

where is stored and based on where is stored and how

much of it is stored you will feel discomfort, you will feel

pain, you will feel even sickness. Because we are smart

people, intellectual people, we checkout from the body so

whenever we have stored something in a part of the body,

we move out our attention from that part of the body so

then we do not feel what is there. That does not mean we

solved the problem, that only means we are avoiding

looking at it and feeling it. That does not mean we do not

have pain stored in the body, we do and, when we keep

pain stored in our body, the body changes, we become

rigid, we become stiff, we become tensed. If you know a

massage therapist, a Chi Nei Tsang therapist, a Bowen

therapist, a de-armoring therapist or any body-worker

they will know immediately what you are storing, where

you are storing it, just by just reading your body.

You might not be aware of it, you might not want to

be aware of it, you might have an idea that you have a

pain in some part of the body time to time or all the time

or it is a discomfort, but you will say, no, it’s the age, it’s

because of that, you will find reasons and the reasons

are good because they allow you not to do anything about

it, they allow you to escape. But you don’t really escape,

you just drag your feet around. You are like a dying body,

walking around with all these stored, unsolved

misunderstandings.

One method to access what you are hiding, what is

stored, is through checking in your body, through

bringing awareness into the body, into different parts of

the body, one at a time. Yoga is a good method to do that,

if you do yoga with awareness. You need to bring

awareness into the body while performing yoga exercises.

Another method to access the stored

misunderstandings is body meditation. You meditate

alternatively on different parts of the body and bring

awareness through attention and breath. Another

method is massage, preferably conscious massage.

Everything that is conscious is good, conscious walking,

conscious eating, conscious sex, conscious breathing. A

very powerful method to access the misunderstandings

through the body is a method called de-armoring which

accesses the pain in the body through physical touch

through pressing the points and releases the pain from

physical level, emotional level, metal level and

energetical level.

The second stage in healing is

accepting

The second stage in healing is accepting that

something is off in your life, that something is hidden

from your awareness. At this stage you might not know

exactly what it is, but you feel and observe that

something is "wrong". This stage is not about feeling

inadequate or broken, this stage is about acknowledging

the part of ourselves that is incomplete, that is

unresolved. During this stage I was feeling anxious and

sometimes afraid of what I might find out. Let me give

you an example, there are people that you like from the

first sight and people that you don't like from the first

sight without knowing anything about them. This is a

very typical case of subconscious projection. How can

you like or not like a person from the first moment you

see that person? How is that a preference based on

reality? It is not. This is a preference based on

subconscious memory and it is different from individual

to individual. Majority of our preferences are

subconscious.

Another example is when you get triggered over and

over again by some situation and you almost have no

power over getting triggered by that particular situation.

This is another example of a subconscious memory that

is not yet resolved into awareness.

Talking about subconscious is not going to bring you

awareness, only your own experience and exploration

will bring you into the next stage of healing, that is

awareness.

You do not have to admit in front of anyone that you

are accepting the unresolved parts of yourself, only to

yourself.

This chapter is not meant to convince you to accept

the unknown, it is meant to inform you that even if you

still deny and reject the unknown, it is still there and it

is running your life. Acceptance of the unknown is a vital

step in subconscious exploration and self-awareness.

There are things in this life that you know and things

that you don't know. There are things that you know you

know and there are things that you know you don't

know. The things that you know you know are used to

make a living and to operate consciously into your life.

The things that you know you don't know you can decide

to learn.

There are also things that you don't know you know,

and these are called inner talents or the subconscious

gold. Can you recall a time in your life when you learn

something really fast or when you proved to be very

talented at something? Those are the hidden potentials

of your subconscious, your gold.

In the last category are the things that you don't know

you don't know or the blind spots. These are called the

dark side of the subconscious because they are simply

not visible to you. Do you know the story with the man,

during the night, looking for his keys under the pole

light? When he was asked by a friend, is this where you

dropped the keys? He answered: no, but here is where

the light is. Sometimes we need to look into the dark side

of our subconscious in order to find the keys to new

possibilities for our life.

Exploring the shadow, or the dark side of our

subconscious is the key element to know ourselves and

unleash the true inner power.

The blind spots are behind every trigger and behind every

behavioral pattern described in the previous chapters.

Accepting our light and our shadow, our knowns and

our unknowns makes us accept we are human.

The third stage in healing is

awareness

Awareness is something that we build with practice.

Awareness in the case of trauma healing is to become

aware of three aspects related to the wound. These three

aspects are: the bodily sensations in the moment, the

emotional charge and the repetitive thought or the force

idea. Building awareness requires curiosity, humbleness

and radical honesty.

Every time there is a trigger you will feel body

sensations associated with the trigger. Remember that

anger is always historical, you are almost never really

angry on the current person, you are projecting stored

and unresolved anger from the past into the present

moment. How do I know that you cannot be angry with

the current person? Because he/she does not threaten

your life. As animals, we need anger to survive. Our

primal instinct tells us to bring this immense survival

energy that we call anger in order to protect our life. If

your life is not under threat, anger is not really needed.

Our mind however does not know that because our mind

survives on ideas. That is why we can get angry when

our opinion is threaten, because, at the mind level our

life is identified as an idea. The mind feels like dying

when an idea is attacked. The good news is that we are

going to survive even if all our ideas and opinions will

suddenly disappear. In some traditions this is called

meditation.

Going back to the body sensations, every time there

is a trigger, there is a bodily sensation. When we master

the identification of the bodily sensations, we gain what

is called bodily awareness. Bodily awareness can be

obtained by a simple body scan. We bring our attention

inside the body and we aim to perceive all the sensations

that we can feel in the moment. For example, when we

are sad, we will scan our body and we will be able to

identify in our body where the sadness is stored and

what are the sensations associated with it. When we do

not know how we feel, we can do a body scan and observe

all the sensations in all the areas of the body without

labeling and aiming to describe them as accurate and as

neutral as possible. Let's say that we scan our body and

we feel a contraction at the level of the abdomen and

some pain in our shoulders. Just by becoming aware of

the sensations in our body, we gain bodily awareness.

We will describe in the following why bodily

awareness is a key player in emotional healing and

tension release. Emotions are stored into the physical

body, inside muscles, inside organs, inside tissues and

sometimes even inside the bones. The emotional charge

has always a correspondent tension in the physical body.

That is why is important to be aware of the physical body

when aiming to understand our emotional state. A

physical sensation of thirst that is not in our awareness

can create an emotional charge of anger. A sensation of

fatigue in our physical body can also create an emotional

charge of frustration or anger. A lack of nutrients in our

physical structure can create an emotional charge of

sadness or depression. And examples can be many. The

most important is to identify your specific triggers of

emotional charges by observing the bodily sensations

and your emotional states. Through bodily and

emotional introspection, we gain bodily and emotional

awareness.

By gaining bodily and emotional awareness we

understand better how we function and we can avoid an

emotional reaction simply by drinking water if our body

is thirsty or by sleeping if our body is tired.

The third level of awareness is mental awareness and

it is the third component of the overall awareness

together with bodily awareness and emotional

awareness.

Mental awareness is not only the understanding of

the causes of a trigger or the deep causes of the trauma.

Mental awareness is the connection with the elevated

part of the mind, the higher mind, the supramental or

Vijnanamayakosha in Sanskrit. The higher mind is a

state of mind which is elevated to a higher vibrational

level and this state can be attained by meditation, yoga

and other practices. The square breathing is one of the

methods to attain very fast the state of mental

awareness. We breath in on a count of four, we keep our

breath on full for a count of four, we exhale on a count

of four and we keep our breath on empty for a count of

four. We continue to breath this way for minimum five

minutes and we will observe the profound state of inner

peace, quietened mind and elevated state of perception.

This is mental awareness. If the five minutes are not

enough, repeat for another five minutes after a short

break. After a regular daily practice of 49 days, your life

will be different. Your awareness and understanding will

shift into a different dimension, net superior to the

existing one.

Having mental awareness gives you the power to

observe behavioral patterns from a higher place and

sometimes even prevent the triggers. Mental awareness

confers and is a result of the sympathetic and

parasympathetic nervous systems balance. The

polyvagal theory, Taoism and other esoteric systems are

talking extensively about the mechanisms of the nervous

and energetical systems. In this book you will find mostly

the tools to get there fast and safe.

As a rule of thumb, if any of the practices are causing

you extreme pain or unpleasant sensations, stop

immediately and resume after a break of few days so that

the emotional or physical release of the trauma has time

to unfold and the nervous system to autoregulate.

You might want to offer yourself a relaxing massage

or a bath with Epsom salt.

Bodily, emotional and mental awareness are the most

important steps of any healing and spiritual and human

evolution.

The fourth stage in healing is

detachment

Detachment without awareness is indifference. True

detachment can only appear as a result of awareness.

Detachment is understanding plus love. When we truly

and deeply understand ourselves, we accept ourselves,

we are aware of our patterns, we stop judging ourselves

and we love ourselves as we are. Healing is not about

fixing a pattern or fixing a wound, it is about raising

above the wound, raising above the need to fall into a

pattern and finding peace deep inside your Heart.

One of my very unconventional teachers said that

healing is about finding out how fucked up you are and

loving it. When you embrace your wounded self, love it

and accept it, then magic happens, the need to hide the

wound and the need to fall into the pattern dissolves into

acceptance, awareness, detachment and self-love.

Detachment is the lack of fear to be seen, the lack of

fear to be judged, the courage to show yourself as

imperfect, the lack of fear to look bad, the lack of fear to

fail, the lack of fear to be humiliated, the courage to show

up anyway when you are not ready, the courage to be

vulnerable, the courage to show your emotions in front

of other people, the courage to admit that you are

wounded and messy, the courage to be human without

apologizing for who you are.

Detachment does not mean not caring about patterns

and falling into them, detachment means observing the

tendency of the patterns and not going into them.

Detachment means higher understanding of the

mechanisms of the mind and raising above the mind at

the observant post of your life. You become the observant

rather than the actor, you identify yourself with the one

observing the actions rather than the one doing the

actions. The action of becoming the observer of your life

becomes a way of being, rather than a state of mind. Your

body, your emotions and your mind are aligned, and

your being is elevated. It is like being high on awareness.

Your being becomes awareness and detached bliss based

on lack of fear, body-fullness and mindfulness.

In a state of detachment, you surrender to life like in

a roller-coaster enjoying every moment of it, with

excitement while not being attached to controlling the

future.

In a state of detachment, both hemispheres of the

brain are in balance and the parasympathetic and the

sympathetic nervous systems are in balance, and the

state of being is in the present moment.

Detachment is a superior state of inner balance and

peace where the best decisions are made, where we act

instead of reacting, where we make conscious decisions

and we take conscious actions in the best interest of our

own well-being.

Detachment is being aware of ourselves, of the others

around us, of the environment and being able to act in

the best common interest. Harmony of the environment,

harmony of relationships and inner harmony are the key

ingredients of well-being.

Being detached is being aware plus acting

consciously.

The fifth stage in healing is

unconditional love

As mentioned in the previous chapter, the three main

ingredients of well-being are inner harmony, relational

harmony and environment harmony. We cannot attain

inner harmony by creating unbalanced relationships. We

cannot have inner harmony and peace when the

environment around us is at war and imbalanced. So,

what am I saying here? That you cannot have inner

balance if the environment and relationships are not

perfect? Yes. According to the law of resonance, when

you achieved inner balance everything around you make

sense, everything around you is aligned with your inner

state. Byron Katie gives amazing tools for reaching inner

peace in her book, "Loving what is".

Understanding the dynamics of the environment and

loving them brings you to unconditional love for what is,

that leads to inner peace and well-being. It does not bring

you any benefits to your well-being to constantly

complain and try to change what you cannot change.

Learning how to love what is, from a higher

understanding point of view is the last stage of the

healing. It is the stage where you understand that there

are three things you came here to do, to live, to love and

to die. Everything else is a lame interpretation of the

mind trying to figure out life. Life is life, nothing else.

Love your life as it is and celebrate it as it last, until the

last moment of your mission on this planet, the death.

Live, love, die. This is it. Love is acceptance, love is

embracing life as it is, embracing people as they are,

embracing you as you are. And death is the undoing of

birth, the final act, the grand finale of the grand mission.

Death is the releasing of the body, releasing of the

emotions and embracing a higher form of existence, the

final surrender, the letting go completely of attachments,

of control and returning into the Heart of everything that

we created into the invisible realm of the Soul.

The fifth stage in healing is unconditional love for

everything that exist, seen and unseen. As Donald Walsh

says in his book "Conversations with God" "What would

love do now?". This means to love unconditionally, to act

from love in every moment of your life, to aim to ask

yourself every time you want to act, "what would love do

now?". Now you are healed.

Live, Love and enjoy your life to the maximum of the

intensity of Life and Love until one day when you will

surrender to the Infinite source of Love, the one that

brought you here in the first place.

Mind, your own business

What the mind is? The mind is the monkey asking

questions, wanting things, evaluating, analysing,

testing, making things good and bad, right or wrong,

looking good, looking bad, being right, being wrong,

making other people right or wrong, etc.

More Mental Patterns

Did you ever encounter the same experience with two

people? Did you ever feel that there is a hidden

conspiracy against you? Did you ever feel that

women/men are all the same? If yes, you are becoming

aware of something very important. This is a very typical

manifestation of a pattern. A pattern is something that

you are responsible for, a pattern is something you are

attracting in your life, something that you are looking for.

Attracting a pattern in a love partner is like looking at

the world with pink glasses, through pink lenses,

everything you see will be pink. Even though some

objects or people or situations are not pink, you will see

them pink and you will behave like pink and then they

will turn pink. This is how subconscious mind creates

patterns in our life.

Patterns, or so-called behavioral patterns are ways to

deal with things that we don't like to face. Patterns are

ways to hide the drama behind, ways to hide

insecurities, misunderstandings, fears, anger, any

feelings or experiences that are overwhelming.

I'll give you a personal example: I hate my mother that

she died when I was 14, and can say: “Oh my God, you're

such a mean person, you hate your mother”. Well, it took

me many years to realize that I was subconsciously

hating my mother that she died. I was a 14 years old boy

and she left me, she left me with my father who I did not

know very well because he was travelling all the time. I

subconsciously hated my mother: “How could you leave

me?”, that was in the mind of the 14 years old. I was

obviously hiding the hate for my mother, because I loved

my mother, and judged as wrong to hate her. Do you

want to guess where the anger for my mother appeared

in my life? It appeared in all my relationships with

women.

I was manifesting a pattern of not trusting women

and feeling abandoned. I was even creating situation

where I would be abandoned by women, just to feel again

that feeling that I felt when my mother died. Every time

my girlfriend didn't reply to my messages, I would be

desperate: “Oh, she's leaving me”. I was subconsciously

hating my mother for leaving me, and not even realizing

that I was hiding that feeling. I was hating women

subconsciously because I was projecting the hate that I

was hiding from my mother death. I crashed and burned

many relationships because of this pattern.

Once I healed the wound of abandonment and the

anger towards my mother, once I embraced the anger

and understand the 14 years old boy who hated his

mother because she left him, I healed. My life became

much more peaceful, much more loving, much more

understanding. Do not judge your feelings and do not try

to understand them, feelings are feelings, especially

when you are analyzing situations when you were 6

years old or younger. Probably your feelings back then

were stupid, or at least with your adult mind, right now,

you would say: “Oh my God that is so stupid, it could not

be that way”. Well it was that way; it does not have to

continue that way. You have to acknowledge that it was

that way, the “stupid” way if you want. Acknowledge it,

feel it and then transmute it. Denying does not

transmute feelings, denying creates more drama,

denying is to keep boiling water under pressure and

pretending it is not there. Some people would call this

the wound of abandonment, some others would call it

with different names but, just in fact, there are feelings

that we judge, feelings that we felt, and we put them

away because they are not “right”. Feelings are made to

be felt, they have no logic, or they have their own logic

and they are made to be felt, and then transmuted into

higher feelings.

The wound of abandoned can create several patterns,

depending on how we decide to deal with it. It depends

on how we decide to hide the wound. One pattern could

be to not get involved emotionally in any relationship,

avoiding emotional intimacy. There are many ways to

avoid intimacy. One way is to have more lovers and not

really go very deep into the emotional connection with

any of them. The fear of being abandoned would make

us create “backup plans”, in the form of other lovers, in

case we get abandoned. Another way is to abandon them

first, so we do not get abandoned.

In the case of suppressed anger, it will appear in a

relationship where we feel loved and safe enough to

release the anger. When we open our heart to another

person, to love, we open the Pandora's box as well, and

anger will come out and you'll feel love and then you will

feel hate and you'll feel all the repressed feelings.

Patterns usually come in pairs as we saw in the

previous chapters. Patterns are paired with the wounds

and with other patterns. As an example, the pattern of

running away will pair with the fear of being abandoned.

The pattern of escaping intimacy will pair with an aspect

of the wound of abandoned which is attachment. These

combinations are attracting each other in order to be

understood and healed. These pairing of the patterns

and the wounds, are divinely integrated to show us what

we need to heal and, when we get the necessary

understanding, we start to find ways to heal them.

What Mind Needs

This chapter is about the mind, which is a part of the

human structure that consists of the physical body, the

emotional body, the mind and the energy that is running

us, the soul, that something that is running us, which is

breathing us, which moves our blood, which gives us life.

The mind is very present in our lives and many people

today are too much identified with the mind, and they

think they are their ideas, and when they have an idea

in their head, they identify with it and, because of that,

they have the need to be right.

The need to be right

In order to understand the process of the mind we

need to experience ourselves outside the mind. We need

to look at ourselves and then look at our mind and see

the difference. We need to allow ourselves to look, and

see the human being that we are inside, the being that

is out of the mind. We can use this as a form of

meditation and look at ourselves deeper and find the

essence of who we truly are. We can look at our thoughts

from outside, and ask ourselves who are them? Are we

our thoughts? We will notice a difference between who

we are and the thoughts. Then we will be able to notice

more and more the needs of the mind. The mind is like a

monkey, jumping up and down. Some spiritual

traditions are calling it, “the monkey mind”. We can look

at our mind and look at its need to be right. Let’s take an

example. I have any idea, I share the idea with a person

and that person does not agree with my idea and,

automatically, I want to defend my idea and I get angry.

I might say “I am right!”. The mind needs to be right even

if is not. Sometimes we realize we are not right, but we

cannot go back. We automatically bring more arguments

and that is how we perpetuate the need to be right. It is

nothing wrong with the need to be right, it is just that we

do not really need to be right, we can be, without being

right. We need to become aware of this mechanism of the

mind an realize that is OK to be wrong, we do not always

need to be right and we can just be happy instead of

always be right. We can drop the idea, change our mind,

do something else than arguing, even when we are right.

According to our point of view we might be right, but

there will always be other points of view, and we do not

need to convince everybody about ours.

Sometimes we choose to be right instead of choosing

to be happy and sometimes we choose to be right and

happy as well. There are many ways to get out of the trap

of the mind. The mind is only one fourth of ourselves. We

have a body, we have emotions, we have a mind and we

have a soul. If we satisfy only one fourth of ourselves, we

will be right but, it will not feel that good in our body,

because then we will ignore the rest of us. The needs of

our mind can many times deplete the needs of our

emotions, the needs of our soul and the needs of our

body. We can take the opposite idea and play with it, “I

do not have to be right!”. Try it, experience it and observe

it in your life and see how it works for you, see if you see

any difference between the need to be right and you,

observe if there is any difference and, if there is, observe

the difference. Then you can go further and ask yourself:

“If I am not the idea, nor the mind, nor the need to be

right, who am I then?”

The need to belong

The need to belong is one of the basic needs of the

mind and it is a natural and organic need, at the level of

the mind. The need to belong takes different forms, for

example: we need to belong to a group, we need to belong

to society, we need to integrate into the society, to be

accepted and, for that reason, from that need, we adhere

to church, we adhere to different groups, we perform

certain actions. There is a natural and organic aspect of

the need to belong and there is always an extreme

aspect. The extreme aspect is the one that makes us feel

we do not belong or, more exactly, make us think we do

not belong. We are what we think. If we think we belong

then we belong, if we think we do not belong, no matter

how many groups we join, how much we are integrated

in society, how wonderful our family is, we will always

feel that we do not belong. If we think we do not belong

we can never be fulfilled.

When we think something, we will feel something. If

we think we are beautiful, we will attract beauty and we

will become beautiful, we will perceive ourselves

beautiful and others around us will perceive us as

beautiful. The mind creates feelings, because the mind

and the emotional body are interconnected. Belonging is

also an inner feeling, a sense of comfort, a sense of

acceptance, a sense of belonging.

Let us look at how the mind and the emotional body

are connected. The gut feeling comes from a higher mind,

from the higher self, from the natural intelligence, from

the universal alignment, from whatever you want to call

that thing that breaths you, that creates you, that beats

you heart. The true gut feeling comes from a higher

source. You can also have a false gut feeling coming from

the lower mind and these are fear-based emotions. The

art is to get yourself out of your own way and quiet your

lower mind fear-based thoughts and listen to a higher

inspiration. Identify the feelings that are in your

emotional structure, and see, which ones are lower-mind

created and which ones are higher-self created. The

lower mind created ones are usually the ones that are

not serving your higher purpose and the self-created

ones are. A true gut feeling does not make any immediate

sense for the lower mind, but it will prove later as the

best option for you.

Going back to the need of belonging, the mind needs

to belong and it is good to belong and it is good to serve

people, it is good to be in groups and it is good to share

your heart, your pain, yourself as you are right now, the

best version of you, the one that you are right now. Be

careful not to do it as an addiction. If you think you do

not belong, most probably you are in 200 groups and

behind that is the shadow or the negative belief that you

do not belong, and you need to fulfil it in many groups.

By default, as a human being, you belong to the human

race, you belong to the human beings of the planet, you

belong to the people who are like you, either is ethnicity

or religion or common beliefs or common values. If you

are a shy person, you belong to a group of shy people, if

you a loving person, you belong to people who are loving,

etc. There are many groups of people that you belong to

by default, and you do not have to do anything to belong,

you are generally accepted, you are breathing the air of

this planet, you have this privilege given by your own

creator, your own natural intelligence. There is

something more intelligent than us, which breaths us, it

is with more intelligence than any of us. If we would have

to breath our lungs and beat our hearts and pump our

blood, we would not last long on this planet. We are

automatically accepted by the natural intelligence, by

the harmony of the universe, which breaths our life into

us and beats our hearts and we are human beings. We

are part of the beings of this planet and we really belong,

we do not need to do anything to belong.

In order to set this idea into your mind you can tell

your mind, “I belong, I’m a human being, I’m accepted

by this planet, by the air that surrounds me, by the

people that I cross on the street, I am accepted and I

belong to this wonderful human race and I am here for a

reason”

The organic need of a human being to belong is

slightly different, it comes from the same natural place,

but it is not the mind, it is the soul, it is the body, it is

the emotional body that needs to belong. We need to

belong in the arms of someone we love and loves us, we

need to belong to a group of people who are our family

whether it is our spiritual family or friends or our

biological family or our dancing family, or our church

family. We need to be caressed and we need to be

touched, to feel that we are accepted, to feel that we

belong, and we are welcomed. Our body needs to feel that

it belongs too. Our body needs to be hugged, needs to be

caressed, needs to be touched. These are biological needs

of the body and, through the body, these are needs of the

entire structure that we are: mind, emotions, physical

body and soul. All of our structures need to understand

and to feel that they belong. Settle this for a moment and

take a deep breath into your body and feel how the air

caresses your lungs and your structure and your blood

vessels, everything inside your lungs and everything

inside your body. Feel the air around you caressing your

skin because nature accepts you without any conditions

and this is the way of the nature to tell you that you are

loved, that you belong. I want to leave you with another

idea. When you start to acknowledge that you belong and

the nature accepts you and you accept yourself, you

start to love yourself and when you start to love yourself

people around you will show you love and you will be

more and more accepted. It all starts with you and this

feels good. If you did this small exercise, you already feel

what I am writing here is true. It all starts with us with

how much we love and accept ourselves. My dear

human, you belong, and you deserve to belong, and you

are accepted!

The need to look good

I am not making wrong the idea of looking good, I

personally like looking good, I like to take care of myself

and having nice clothes and have a well-shaped body,

which I highly recommend, it is a healthy way to wear

your body and love your body. Please, do not

misunderstand this message and not take care of your

looks. With the above in mind, the need of the mind to

look good is not who you are. It is just the need of the

mind to look good and you can identify with that and it

can run your life. How do you know you are attached to

the idea of looking good? When you do not look good, you

do not feel good and, if that happens, if means that you

are attached to the need of looking good. For example,

you go to a party and you have white trousers and you

spill coffee on your trousers and suddenly you do not

look good anymore. If that makes you feel bad, then you

are pretty much attached to the idea of looking good. I

am not suggesting going with the dirty trousers at the

party. Change the trousers and observe how the feeling

inside changes. You might want to challenge yourself

and transcend the need to look good and I let you be

creative in this. What is more important than the

challenge is just to observe moments when you put your

image on the first place and your well-being on the

second place. I have been doing it for the last thirty years

and I sacrificed my own well-being for a false idea of

looking good, and this is why I am sharing this with you,

so that you might become aware and transform faster

than I did. Just be present to this idea: “When am I

putting my image first? When am I making the way I look

a priority and put my wellbeing on the second place?”

This idea, this need of looking good can actually take

huge dimensions, it can become pathological and

transform into a nightmare. When you want to look good,

you want to take pictures of yourself all the time, check

the mirror every 10 minutes. You are constantly worried:

“Is my hair good? Am I looking good?”. This idea, the

need of the mind can become pathological and,

unfortunately, we do not have a measure of it. If you go

into a shopping mall today or if you look at the teenagers,

especially young ladies, they care so much about their

look and so less about how they feel. Usually they feel

miserable inside and they check their mirror every ten

minutes; they take selfies and they look for approval

outside themselves. This is mad, this is madness! We are

all good, we are all good enough! We are all human

beings and our creator, the source, the energy that

brought us here made a huge effort to get us born. The

Universe made no mistake, you are looking good as you

are, you do not need to worry about it too much. Start to

take care of your well-being as well. We did not get born

in this world only to look good.

The need to look good can be actually very damaging

to your wellbeing. Pay attention to it and acknowledge

that you are more than the need to look good. Yes, get

your haircut, do your stuff to look good and also check

inside your body, inside your heart, check your

emotions. How does this make me feel? If the haircut

makes you feel good, that is absolutely fine. Then

connect to that feeling of feeling good and you will

discover that you can actually feel good even without the

haircut. I am not saying not to look good; I am saying to

also feel good in the same time. I am also saying, feel

good first and feel good anyway. It does not matter the

circumstances in your life, find your good feeling inside

you, because it is there and it is a choice, it is not

dependent on your image, on your bank account, on

your need to look good. It is inside of you, you can feel

good anytime and, if you do not feel good, then make a

change in your life, if you do not feel good in your

financial situation or, if you do not feel good with your

haircut, do something about it, don’t feel bad. You might

say to yourself “This makes me feel bad. I feel bad about

this!”. Good, find what makes you feel bad and then say

to yourself “What would make me feel good in this

moment? What can I change in this moment so that I

can feel good?”. After that, take action, change your

haircut, take action to adjust your financial situation or

your love life, or whatever it is for you in the moment.

Nothing is permanent, not even feeling miserable.

Going back to the need of the mind to look good, just

acknowledge the need of the mind, you are bigger than

that and you can feel good anyway.

Understanding the Mind

The beliefs system

In the following chapters you will find out how to

identify, delete or modify your beliefs and even learn new,

more beneficial ones. When I am referring to negative

beliefs, I am not making these beliefs wrong, or bad, or

evil. Negative beliefs are those beliefs that do not serve

your goals. In case you want to be rich, have an

abundant life and be happy and your beliefs are about

being poor, struggle and being miserable, I call these

beliefs as negative, meaning that they would not take you

to the goals that you want to achieve. If you want to be

poor and miserable, I will call these beliefs positive

because they serve your goal. All that I am writing in this

chapter is under the assumption that you want to be

rich, abundant, have an amazing sexual life, be happy

and fulfilled and share from your abundance with other

people who are in need of achieving these goals.

If you want to achieve financial abundance in your

life, here are some beliefs to take on, if you choose to,

and if they work better for you. You can read them out

loud in the morning, write them on a paper, and stick

them on your wall in order to get those beliefs inbuilt in

your subconscious.

1. Money come easy to me from multiple sources

2. Abundance is a natural quality of the Universe

3. I deserve to be paid for my work

4. I deserve to be paid for the work I enjoy doing

5. I enjoy the work that I am paid for

6. Rich people are people who are rich

7. There is plenty of money in the word and I am

attracting abundance into my life

8. How can I afford this?

Beliefs system is a set of beliefs that we have formed

by learning. The beliefs system has two parts: conscious

beliefs and unconscious beliefs. Conscious beliefs are

the beliefs we are conscious we have. Unconscious

beliefs are the beliefs we are not conscious we have. If a

belief is unconscious, we do not know we have it, and, if

we do not know we have it, we also do not know if it

serves us.

My proposition to you in this chapter is selfawareness,

becoming conscious of your unconscious

beliefs and checking for yourself if those are useful or

not. If you are an experienced meditator and you have

been working for years to dig into your subconscious and

get enlighten, I feel you, I know what you are going

through and it must be hard for you, I understand, I have

been there myself and I am still there. If you do not have

a clue what Enlightenment is, it is all right too. To keep

it simple, what I am suggesting to you, is to go down into

the dungeon of your mind, with a lantern, with a guide,

with a friend and check what is there. Do not worry, the

lantern will be your conscious mind, your guide will be

this book and your friend will be your discernment.

The conscious mind likes questions, therefore let us

satisfy the thirst for answers and ask questions:

? What are my core beliefs?

? What are my core values?

? What do I believe about money?

? What do I believe about sex?

? What do I believe about relationships?

? What did I learn to believe about …?

The idea is to answer honestly and consciously and

question your answer for truth. Do not try to look good

to yourself. If you are poor and you answer your question

“What do I believe about money?” “Money is great!”, that

is you trying to look good and lie to yourself. If you are

poor or have serious problems with money, look, really

look for the negative belief that is blocking you from

being rich. It is there. I know it, you know it. Release any

need of justifying yourself about the circumstances.

Answer with radical honesty. You cannot change a belief

that does not serve you if you deny it.

Here is a method to identify negative beliefs:

Step one:

1. What do I believe about money?

Step two:

2. Make a list with the answers.

Step three:

3. Write all the sources of information you had in

your childhood that taught you about money.

Step four:

4. How are those sources of information doing

financially? (parents, teachers in school, friends, etc.)

Step five:

5. Acknowledge that your beliefs about money

are not serving your goal to be rich and your sources of

information were not exactly optimal. Acknowledge that

you did your best so far, but you really did not have any

chance to succeed. Acknowledge that is time for a

change, that is time to do something different about it.

Acknowledge that the old beliefs about money would not

take you too much further than you are right now.

Step six:

6. Imagine yourself at the age of 80 or 100 doing

the same things you are doing now. How much your life

would be much different than it is right now? Except that

you might be a little bit rusty? Imagine yourself believing

the same things that you believe today about money and

how much you would have progressed from where you

are right now. Does that look good to you? Does that look

good for your family, for your kids?

Step seven:

7. If the answer to the above reflection is NO,

then you are ready to change your belief. If the answer

to the above question is anything else than NO, then you

can keep your beliefs or try new ones anyway to see how

much further you can go.

You can practice the above method for anything else

in your life that you want to transform.

Negative beliefs

Imagine yourself doing your job and one person behind you all the time whispering, and sometimes shouting into your ear: “you are not good enough, you do not deserve to be here, you do not deserve to be happy, you are a failure, you will never make it, you do not deserve this, you are not good enough, this is dangerous, you are going to die”. What would you tell that person?

Imagine yourself having the relationship of your dreams with the lover of your dreams and the same person telling you: “this is not for you, you will end up alone anyway, she/he will leave you, she/he is not the lover of your dreams, you are not good enough for her/him, what if she/he leaves you, this love is not for you, you are not good enough to please him/her, you are hurt, you have wounds, you will never be happy, you will never be happy in a relationship, you do not know anybody in his/her city, you do not know anybody in his/her country, you are too good for him/her” and on and on and on. What would you do to that person? What would you do to that person who tells you these things while you are having the time of your life with the lover of your dreams? What would you do to the person who is telling the same things to the lover of your dreams? What if that person who is telling you all those things is your mind? What if there are aspects of your mind which you are not aware of who are running you, from the shadow, from backstage, from your subconscious mind and does not allow you to be happy, to have the job of your dreams, to have the life of your dreams, to have the love of your dreams? Would you do something about that?

Imagine yourself trying to be happy, doing all the good things that you know that make other people happy: yoga, meditation, sports, dancing, love, sex, good food, good job and you still feel miserable deep inside. How would that work for you? Being miserable, not knowing even why and doing everything that you can to cover that up? Can you imagine yourself in that position? Or is that your life I am talking about?

If you are not yet a master of your mind, of your subconscious, of your emotions, of your body and of your energies, you are driven in a certain measure by negative beliefs, by beliefs which are not leading you exactly where you want to go.

What is a negative belief?

Let us imagine you are in Dublin and you want to go to Paris and your GPS is set for New York. Where do you think you will end up? In the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Beliefs of any kind are very strong especially when they are subconscious. A belief is sometimes so deeply embedded in our mind, our body, our actions, our group of friends, our family, our society that we are totally identified with it.

Let’s take a simple general belief of the planet. We are all living on Planet Earth! We are the citizens of the world. There is no question about it. I ask you; how do you know you live on Earth? Who told you that? Is your source reliable? Did you verify your source? How does your source know? Where the information initially came from?

I am not going to try to convince you that we are on Mars, or Jupiter, but the simple, incontestable fact that you are living on the planet Earth is a convention agreed by many. I am very sure you can still find tribes around the world who do not have the same belief as you do. You might try to explain them that this is Planet Earth, and that is your opinion, not theirs. Their belief might be that the Earth is flat, and it’s called Gaia, and because of that, this is what they will be experiencing.

What do you think about Money? What do you believe about money? Do you have enough money? What is money for you? How do you see people who are rich? How would you see yourself if you would be rich? Does being rich means having a lot of money? Are you associating these two terms?

Take a moment and answer these questions before you move forward. The reason I am asking this is because you are the only one who can discover what your beliefs are. This book or any other external guide is just a tool to get inside your mind and bring up what is there and decide for yourself what you want to do with what you find. You might want to keep a belief if that serves you or you might want to start learning new beliefs which can serve you better.

Did you answer the questions above? What is that you believe about money? You do not need to look good in front of me or yourself or anybody else, this is a radiography of your subconscious. What is really that your belief about money?

Did you answer that money is a great tool of exchange between people, which serves our society well, and people should pay for your excellent work that you do and for your services you are offering to society and money flow easily to you from many sources and you are in resonance and harmony with the universal principle of abundance and living the life that fulfils you, serve you and the loved ones, and you are truly making a difference in people’s life and your bank account is abundant because you deserve to receive the energy of money in exchange for your sustained and divinely integrated efforts? Great, now we can move on.

You do not believe that about money? Do not feel alone, 90% of the Earth population are struggling making a living. Let’s look at some general negative beliefs about money.

1. Money are evil

2. Rich people are bad people

3. There is not enough money

4. I can’t afford it

5. I do not deserve to be paid for the work I do

6. If the activity is pleasant, I do not deserve to be paid for it

7. etc.

Many of us would have one of the above in a form or another, or many and this is not very hard to guess because usually we select our beliefs from society, parents, family, friends, workplace. And you do not have to be very smart to figure out that the general beliefs about money are negative. I do not have to be right, if you have only positive beliefs about money and you are rich and have a lot of money and you are happy in your life as well, your love life is great, your sex life is even brighter, please stop reading this book and give me a call immediately, I want to learn even more from people like you. If not, put your authenticity hat and humble coat, make yourself a tea and keep on reading.

Let us move on to the next question: What do you believe about sex? I let you inquire this in a similar way described for the beliefs about money. Later on, in chapter Sex, you can find more insights on this subject.

A negative belief is like Google Translate. If you ever used Google Translate – you know how it works. You select a language from which you want to translate, and you select the language into which you want to translate. And this analogy works like this: the language from which you want to translate is everything that is coming to you in your life: words, other people, situations and everything that is given to you. The language in which you want to translate is you, your belief system, your negative beliefs, your interpretation, your attitude. When you are selecting in Google Translate to translate everything in Chinese, everything that you put in the left side “from the language” Romanian, you will translate in Chinese. Then you select from French, you will translate into Chinese. Unless you change the language into which you want to translate it, to something else, for example, Arabic. Everything it will come to you in a language you selected to translate, Chinese. In a similar way, unless you change your belief system, unless you spot your negative beliefs and then change them into positive beliefs, doesn’t matter what comes to you, you will translate it in your own reality as you are allowing yourself to see it, because of your negative beliefs.

Let us take an example. If you have a negative belief that you are not good enough, everything that comes to you, it will be translated in “I am not good enough”. If we receive negative feedback, you will translate it easier: “I knew it, I am not good enough.”, If we receive positive feedback we will translate in: “I don’t believe I am good enough, I need to do even more. It is normal to work this hard. It is nothing.”. If you believe about yourself that you are ugly, let us say you are a woman and you do not like your body and someone is telling you “You are beautiful”, you will say “I know I am not beautiful. He is lying. He wants something from me”. That is the Google Translate on automatic negative beliefs language, translating for you. Unless you change your beliefs and say, “I am beautiful”, you cannot receive new information.

This is the mechanism and the power of a negative belief.

Good Enough

The negative belief “I am not good enough” is having different aspects. One aspect is that you will constantly try to prove yourself that you are good enough. You will search for diplomas, for certificates, for approval from other people, approval from society, constantly looking outside for recognition. Another aspect, a shadow aspect of the negative belief “I am not good enough” is that you do actions, subconsciously that will make you look as not good enough so, you will prove yourself, through the eyes’ of the outside world that you are not good enough. In this case, you will do actions that are doomed to fail, you will set yourself up to fail in an action that you take.

A belief seats on top of everything, at the level of the mind where you cannot see it, and it controls everything, it is a blind spot. The first step to overcome a negative belief is to identify it.

When a negative belief is active, it creates a vicious circle. The belief “I am not good enough” will make you fail and then you will try to cover it up because you want to be good enough, but you think you are not and, then you start to cover that up by to proving that you are good enough and then looking for recognition that you are good enough. One very simple method to overcome negative beliefs is to observe and bring awareness into this process. Let us take an example, we are taking a course to get a diploma, to prove ourselves that we can do a certain skill that we are practicing already for many years. In fact, we already can do it because we are already doing it, but the “I am not good enough” needs a diploma to prove that.

The second step on overcoming a negative belief is bring awareness and looking at ourselves from the observer mind which is a higher mind than the mind that is automatic. The superior mind seats on top of the beliefs and observes everything. We all have it and we just need to tap into it. This superior mind is on the top of the head and you can meditate upon it by simply focusing in the area on the top of the head. Here you will find a different space where you can be and sit and observe. Another space you can focus on physically, is in the center of the heart, in certain traditions is called the spiritual heart. You can meditate with loving music that takes you out from your negative beliefs, and it brings you into a space where you act mindfully and heartfully.

The third step for overcoming a negative belief is to overwrite it with a new beneficial belief. You can now tell yourself that you are good enough, and you are doing your best. Consider the idea “I am good enough” as equally true as the statement “I’m not good enough”. Try it out like a new pair of shoes, try this out “I am good enough. I don't need to do anything, I do not need to prove anything, I am good enough as I am and I am doing my best and all the judgments that I am not perfect and I am not good enough are only judgements because there is nothing such as perfection. Perfection is a concept. I am good enough. You are good enough. We are all good enough and we are doing our best! “

Not knowing why

Accept what is and feel what you have to feel because events in your life are happening for a reason you don’t always know why they are happening, but according to many traditions, according to quantum physics and with the science, we are not only our mind, so we do not always have to know the reasons, because we are body, mind, emotions and source, we don’t need to live all the time in the mind, so, accept what is without knowing , without having the mental satisfaction of knowing the reasons just accept what is happening in this moment and feel what you feel in this moment without judgement, without fear, unless you are feeling fear. Do not be afraid of fear. Feel what you have to feel, fear, sadness, feel it. We try to escape the feelings. That is the first mechanism we are run by; we try to scape feelings. That does not help, because supressed feelings kill us from the inside. Feel what you have to feel, express it in a gentle and natural way or in your own way, and you do not have to know why is happening, because most of the feelings are coming from thoughts, from believes. What we believe will transform in a feeling and then into a physical sensation. I am thinking about my mother who died when I was fourteen, I am going to feel sadness and I am going to cry. The physical sensation is cry, the emotion is missing and the thought, I was thinking. This is how it goes; it is nothing wrong, is it just to become aware that the thoughts are creating emotions and are creating physical sensations. If you do not believe there is a connection between your mind and your body, you never had sexual fantasy. Your mind can control everything, even the feelings.

For example, if you feel like crying in a moment, that doesn’t make any sense, cry. Cry if you feel it, just cry! It is just a feeling, you release it and then feel better. Acknowledge how your body relaxes after you release an emotion, which you might not know where it comes from. It may come from your childhood when you had the impression that your parents did not love you enough or they did not do what you thought they were supposed to do when you were three years old. It doesn’t matter where it come from. You can analyse, you can go dig in deeply into how the subconscious or how the mind of a child evolves, how it goes from recording mode from zero to three years old, then it goes into another level of recording between three and six and so on and then you become an expert in your trauma without any real healing. In order to heal, allow your subconscious to bring it to the surface, feel it and let it go. This is how you become free. It may take a while; it may be a journey. Enjoy the journey, do whatever makes you feel good in the meanwhile, because you will cry, you will feel the pain, you will feel that you are not aligned with yourself, you will have to adjust. Something higher is driving you towards healing, the source is guiding you towards the best version of yourself and if you resist to that you may get stuck, you may suffer even more.

To wrap up this chapter, you will not always understand why, so enjoy the moment and feel deeply into the moment what you have to feel in that moment, do not resist, remove any resistance, enjoy the ride, without knowing why. This will lead you to deep healing and surrender.

Body-fullness

What “feeling good” is?

I was part of many spiritual movements, philosophies and body practices, I was not relaxed, I was not feeling good with myself. I practiced Yoga and few other disciplines and then I realized there are very few things in life that truly matter.

The first thing which is important is to be relaxed. I do not care who you are, I do not care how much money you have, I do not care how successful you are, if you are not relaxed, what is the point? And I am not saying comfortable, I am not referring to the state of comfort that one million euros gives you. Yes, you might be comfortable with one million, with ten million or with ten thousand euros. But if you are stressed, that is not feeling good at all. That is why I created this book, because many people I meet, including myself, are struggling to relax. You can do Yoga and still not be relaxed. The most important achievement in my Yoga practice and in my spiritual practice was to relax. I realized this after many years of doing it wrong.

The second thing which is important in life is to feel good. And that is why I created this book, because if you do not feel good, what is the point? I understand you have bills to pay, or not, I understand that you have kids, or not, I understand you have problems, or not, but if it does not feel good, what is the point? Think about it. I do not have the answers for you. You will find your own answers to the question: how do I make the current situation I am in, at the moment, feel good? For me it does not make any sense if it does not feel good. Do not misunderstand these words. It is not about being comfortable, staying in a hammock, doing nothing. That is not necessarily feeling good. That is feeling comfortable and eventually you will reach a state of relaxation, or not. You might sit in the hammock, feeling comfortable and relaxed and having resentments, having regrets. When you have resentments or regrets you do not feel very good. Maybe you are missing somebody. Maybe you said something to somebody, and you regret that. Maybe somebody said something to you, and you resent that. If this is the case, that does not feel good. Feeling good is more than having a pint with your friends, having a temporary state of expansion and then feeling bad the next day because of the hangover. That is not feeling good to me. Feeling good is to really be present in your body and then enjoy the sensations in your body, enjoy your life, enjoy the things that you do, feel the purpose of the things that you do in your life! Feel that you want to inspire, feel the impact of your actions in other people’s lives! That is what I call feel good.

Feeling good is when you wake up in the morning and you say “Yes, yes, I am living the life that I can. I am living a life of purpose and I feel good about it. I feel good with myself. I have integrity. I feel good that I helped that woman or that man.” Feeling good is a bit more then lying in your hammock and drinking your whiskey. To me it is a cover up, when I see rich people with their cigar and the whiskey, I see the cover up. I see beyond that. I see that he probably was in love when he was teenager and he is still there. He is still regretting. He is trying to cover up the lack of love of his father by becoming successful, just to cover up that lack of love from the childhood. Be really present to your life and make a clear distinction between a good cover up which feels good to some extent, but it is still a cover up, and really feeling good. Make the distinction.

The third most important thing in life is love. And I do not care if you are a successful entrepreneur or you are a billionaire or just an average guy on the street. I do not care who you are. You are made of love. I do not think you understand the miracle that brought you into this life, the miracle that brought you where you are right now. I do not care if you feel miserable or you think your life is miserable. I do not care if you think your life is wonderful and successful. I do not care who you are. You are love. You are made of love. Two human beings they met in love, they made you. One human being carried you for nine months in her belly and the doctors or some other people brought you into this world. They brought you into this world and it took some effort. That is love. I do not care what you think it is, that is love.

The fact that you are alive is because you still have love inside you, because that is what you are, that is what you are made of, Love. You might hate people, or you might be a mean person or a good person. You might actually feel it or not. It does not matter. If you feel it or not or you have forgotten it, you are still love. You might not call it love; you can call it “pink elephant”. You can call it whatever you want. You are made of those particles of light, of those particles of energy, atoms, electrons which are circling around and inside you.

If you put yourself under the microscope you might discover something else, another reality, another dimension of yourself. We ignore that on a daily basis. If we take our skin and we put it under the microscope there is so much life, so much energy. And I am not talking about mystic ideas, I am talking about atomic energy that is in all of us. We are energy, physically and scientifically proven. We are condensed energy. If the electrons around the atom would not have energy, nothing would exist. You, me, this road, this planet, nothing would exist without it.

The third most important thing in life is love. And love likes to be manifested, love likes to be shared. That is why I am writing this book. I have everything I need to be happy and so do you. We all need water, food, touch and more things that you will find described in this book. This book will describe how to feel good with what you have and how to get more things in your life for you to be truly happy.

Love likes to be shared, likes to be manifested. That is why you feel good when you do good to others. I do not care how much evil you did in this life, I do not care who you are, I do not care what your beliefs are, you can be of any religion, any belief, any color, any race, if you can hear this book, if you can read this book, then you can do something good for others in this moment, in your life, anything, smiling to the person next to you, apologizing to that person whom you said something, which triggered some pain in the other one, anything, you can do anything. The key is to do, because love likes action. Love likes action.

What “feeling good” is? Feeling good is being relaxed in the body and mind and loving yourself and others.

Feeling good in the body

If you are not happy in your body where are you happy? You can be happy in your mind, but that’s just a concept. Who is deciding if you are sad or happy? Who is the decision maker? How do you know it is the right decision?

Where can you be happy? Where can you feel the happiness?

Physiologically, happiness is a state of feeling good in the body and sometimes that occurs spontaneously, because of exact causes we are not aware of. For example, I just had a good sleep and I feel energized. Other times, we know what we need to do in order to feel happy, and we pursue that. Sometimes we just do not do what we need to do to be happy and then we become unhappy.

In order to be happy we need to feel good. And where can you feel good if not in our body? Can you feel good in your mind? Can you really feel good in your mind? Try to feel your mind. Where is it? Give me one kilogram of your mind! You cannot, because mind is just a concept of something that we do that creates thoughts, it is not physical, therefore you cannot feel good in the mind. You can use the mind to feel good and that will be covered in the next chapter.

Take a minute and go back into your body, right now, feel one part of your body that you can feel in this moment. Take a deep breath and continue reading! Thank you for the trust.

Let’s do an exercise. Since you are reading this book right now, most of your attention is in the head area, because usually that is where we identify the mind to reside. Just pay attention to your head, to your forehead, temples, back of the head, top of the head. You do not have to close your eyes; you can just move your attention in these four areas right now. And observe that the physical form, which is your head is not your mind. Do you feel that? Your head is part of your body, not part of your mind. Have fun with this.

This is it, all there is. You have a physical body which is amazing from top to down. And this physical body will make you happy and we will see how in the following chapters.

Feeling good in the mind

Mind it is a very helpful instrument to feel good in our body. It can also be misused to feel miserable in our body. Unfortunately, we have too many examples on this planet, in our community, in our family, at work, all around us, people misusing the mind to feel miserable and blame the others for all their misery. Since you are reading this book, you know what I mean, do not lie to yourself, you have been there, are there or you will be there later today! I know it, you know it and all our friends know it too.

Imagine yourself doing your job and one person behind you all the time whispering or sometimes shouting into your ear: “you are not good enough, you do not deserve to be here, you do not deserve to be happy, you are a failure, you will never make it, you do not deserve this, you are not good enough, this is dangerous, you are going to die.” What would you tell that person? We saw this example in the negative beliefs chapter. This is what I call an unaware mind.

Take a moment and listen. Listen to the voice in your head. It is speaking right now. What is that voice telling you right now? Take a moment and listen. Maybe the voice is saying: “what voice? I don’t have a voice”. Listen.

By listening to that voice, we can become aware if our inner voice is supporting us to feel good or, on the contrary, is preventing us from feeling good.

Feeling good in the mind is not having only positive thoughts but being aware of the thoughts we have and not letting the thoughts dictate our life. Byron Katie, in her books and her work is giving us amazing tools to investigate our thoughts, become aware and live a happy life. I mention here again the fours questions for every thought that prevents you to feel good: “Is it true?”, “Can I absolutely know that it is true?”, “How do I feel when I think that thought?”, “What would I be without that thought?” or “How would I feel without that thought?”. We have the choice to think good thoughts, thoughts that make us feel good, and we can always choose thoughts that make us feel good. Choose the thoughts that make you feel good and you will feel good. It is easier said than done and it requires constant practice and it is worth it every sweat.

How to feel good?

Pizza

I am not saying that your sufferance is not real, I am just saying that, when you miss someone you can have a pizza and feel good again. If you are missing someone you can trick your mind with a pleasant activity and somehow the missing fades away and you start to feel good again. You might think again about that person and miss her/him again and that is perfectly fine, every connection is unique and awakens different aspects in ourselves. Also, you can feel good in the same time. “But I miss her/him so much” you might say, and I understand, it is hard when we lose someone, I know that very well on my own skin. Then cry, grief, give that space for that person, the space that is needed, do not repress the tears, shed the tears whenever needed, but do not stay in grief, move through grief into the healing, into feeling good.

Humans have the tendency to stick, to stick to people, stick to situations, stick to emotions, we are like stickers with feelings. Move on, feel what you feel and do not stick to it, because the sticking creates sufferance and misery, not the grief. Do not run away from feelings, feelings are meant to be felt, just felt, not judged, not understood, not explained, not stick to them, just feel and move on to the next feeling. There is no definite time, but usually, when a feeling is truly felt, deeply, intensely, it won’t last more than few minutes. It might come back in waves when the suppression was long enough, but there is always a plain state, where there is peace. Acknowledge it, acknowledge the peace, that is what you ultimately will achieve, that is what in essence you are made of. A simple analogy is the ocean, the ocean is made of water, which is peace and the feelings which are the waves. Acknowledge the water behind the waves and you will find inner peace.

Sleep

Sleep is a very important relaxing activity and science finds and understands the benefits of sleeping and of resting the body. In the Hindu Tantric tradition, there is an entire branch which is called Yoga Nidra, which is the conscious sleep or the conscious rest which is scientifically observed that improves the levels of dopamine in the brain and diminishes the heart rate variations. When we get tired, we are not that efficient, we become nervous, we maybe even become anxious and then we sleep for eight hours and then everything is different, all the problems seem to be gone.

In many ancient cultures there is a saying “to sleep on a problem” or “to sleep on a decision making”. While in modern cultures sleep might be a trivial fact: you sleep and you rest, in Hindu traditions is considered a secret way of regenerating the body. During sleep the brain goes into different stages of brain waves or brain frequencies. When we are awake, we are usually in Beta state that confers us focus and a state of alertness. When we meditate, we go from Beta to Alpha state when we are relaxed. When we fall asleep, we go into deeper states called Gamma, Theta and Delta that are associated with deep sleep and also deep healing.

From the brain perspective, let us make an analogy with an engine. If we take an engine, any type of engine and we run it at full rotations per minute for a long period of time, the engine will burn down. This is what we are doing with our brain. During a stressful day we run the engine to the full capacity, we keep the engine in a high Beta state, drinking coffee, coke or Red Bull and we use our brain at full capacity. Beta state is one of the states of the brain and keeping the brain in this state for a prolonged period of time deprives us from accessing deeper, more profound areas of the brain that are associated with deep relaxation, higher inspiration, creativity, innovation and many more. There are two types of relaxation, active and passive relaxation. What we call active relaxation can be yoga, dancing, meditation or even just walking. These activities can bring the brain into an Alpha state. Sleeping brings the brain into deeper states, which allows the nervous system to relax deeply. At the end to this chapter I will give you a few tips and tricks how to have a better sleep and how to relax and bring your brain more often into the deeper states of relaxation. These techniques are highly efficient for resting the brain, the nervous system and the physical body.

Sleep is a very efficient way to regenerate the brain. There are many experiments done on sleep deprivation and it was noticed that, after 72 hours of wakefulness, the brain has symptoms of dementia. It is important to get a good rest for the body, the mind and especially for the brain. When we are rested, we tend to feel good.

Here are few tricks and tips for getting a good sleep. First one is to have an empty stomach, which means not to eat three or four hours before sleep. It is good to be a little bit hungry before going to sleep, but not very hungry. If you have a medical condition always follow your doctor’s advice. When going to sleep with an empty stomach, there is no activity for the digestive system, therefore your liver can rest, your internal organs can rest, your stomach can rest, and your brain can rest as well. When you eat before sleep the digestive system is active which keeps the nervous system in an active state, therefore the brain is also active, and it cannot go into deeper states of relaxation.

The second hint is to sleep in a pleasant and comfortable place and to keep the body temperature at a pleasant level, not too warm and not too cold. It is also important not to wear heavy clothing and to keep the body and the skin as much as possible in contact with natural sheets like cotton or silk. When the body feels comfortable the nervous system relaxes more and the sleep has more chances to go more often into the Delta state which is the state of profound relaxation.

If you want more profound state of sleeping, you can use shamanic drumming for twenty minutes while you are laying down preparing to sleep. This will prepare your brain and your body to relax deeper. It is normal when you use this method for the first time to fall asleep before the 20 minutes are over. The volume of the drumming needs to be at a pleasant level for your ears and for your nervous system.

In a similar way, Yoga Nidra is a good technique to have a conscious sleep. By the use of nature sounds and guided relaxation Yoga Nidra takes the body and the mind into deeper states of relaxation and sleep.

Music

Music is a very important element of wellbeing. Music is vibration and it makes the air vibrate in the rhythm of music. There are two aspects of the music I want to offer to you: first one is that music activates both hemispheres of the brain and the second one is that the music can change your state of being and your mood.

Listening to music based on harmony, activates both hemispheres of the brain. Why would we use activation of both hemispheres of the brain? Companies are struggling to stimulate innovation and creativity. By activating both hemispheres of the brain we stimulate innovation, creativity and we bring a sense of wellbeing and joy in the body and mind. Music moves you. Music moves and vibrates your brain. Music is one way to feel good. Different types of music will bring different types of vibrations in your body and in your brain. Choose mindfully. If you want to feel sad listen to sad music, if you don’t want to feel sad and you want to feel happy listen to happy music, if you want to feel happy and you are listening to sad music don’t be surprised that you feel sad. Sometimes you want to listen to sad music to tap in your sadness, bring it up, acknowledge it and move on. Any feeling which is felt is better than a feeling which is supressed. Supressed feelings are the cause of many emotional and physical diseases. We all hold memories of sadness, anger, joy, happiness, ecstasy in our structure. Music can help us bringing these feeling up to the surface and sublimate them into higher energies, like for example mental energy or love energy.

It is better to express emotions in a controlled way, than to supress them. Suppressed feelings tend to explode or implode. We talked about this in the chapter about emotions and in the chapter about beliefs system. Music helps you move, help you activate both hemispheres of the brain, helps you feel emotions that you have to feel, and help you feel the emotions that you want to feel. Let us do an experiment, put a happy song and listen to it for over twenty minutes and then try to feel miserable. It is almost impossible. You might say: “I never felt happy”. All right, in this case listen to happy songs for over forty minutes and see and observe the effects. Be mindful about the feelings that you want to feel. From the brain perspective, listening to music is better than not listening to music.

Music is life, music brings you back to life. It does not matter how miserable you feel in this moment, it does not matter what is happening in your life right now, music will bring you back to life. Music will bring you joy, will bring you anger, will bring you sadness, will bring you back to your inner world. If you are felling miserable, feel miserable and express the feelings in a creative way like and actor in a movie. Put some sad music and go deep into the feeling and express it. This is what I do when I feel miserable. Time to time we all feel like that because we are made of plus and minus, we are made of conscious and subconscious, we are in a realm where polarity keeps everything together. If plus and minus will not exist, this world will not exist. If there are no opposite forces to keep particles together the particles will fly in chaos in the universe. Become aware of the law of polarity, these are the specifics of this world that we are living in. Everyone is meant to feel different in different moments. There is nothing wrong in this. It is how things are designed. The art of feeling good is to acknowledge it and not making it wrong: “Oh I feel sad, oh my God I’m going to die”. No. You feel sad now and in half an hour you will feel good depending on what you do, on what you think and what you decide to do base on what you think.

Let me give you an example. One day I felt sad, my sugar level was low, my serotonin in the brain was low and I remembered that my mom died when I was fourteen years old and I felt sad. I had a feeling based on the chemistry in my body and, I had a thought which was very much correlated with that feeling in my body. Feelings and thoughts are correlated and based on the feeling that I had and the thought that I had, I started to feel sad. Another old thought came into my mind, the thought that I am not good enough otherwise why would my mother leave me so soon. I must have been a failure. In this way thoughts are feeding feelings which amplify and bring more thoughts to support the feelings. In this way you can go into deeper and darker feelings. If that is what you want to feel, this is the automatic way feelings and thoughts are working in an avalanche effect. If you want to become aware of this mechanism and start feeling good about yourself, you can say: “Alright, I acknowledge now that I feel sad and I feel depleted of energy so I might have low sugar level in my body”.

There are two ways to exit the feeling of sadness. Sadness is like a quiet tornado and you can either exit the tornado through the bottom or through the top. What do I mean by this? You can use music in two ways, to exit the tornado of sadness. One way is to listen to sad music and go as low as you can and feel as deeply as you can fully in your body the feeling of sadness until the sadness is consumed. If you are using this method pay attention to the thoughts and do not adopt any of the thoughts that are coming as real, let the thoughts pass together with the feeling of sadness. Sadness does not mean anything; sadness in itself is just a feeling. Thoughts that are feeding the sadness are also just thoughts that are coming and going. Pay attention not to create over and over again sadness through the trap of the thoughts. We all experience sad events in our life, and we are entitled to feel sad from time to time in the memory of the loved ones who passed away or any other reason we might find appropriate for feeling sad. That is all right. What is not working very well for us, if we want to feel good, is to feed frequently the thoughts that are creating the sadness without releasing the sadness. If you are using the method of going to the bottom of the sadness, make sure you have the courage to feel the sadness as deeply as you can and then let go of the feeling and of the thoughts that created it.

If you completed the process successfully then you will feel empty and peaceful inside. You will not feel happy after completing this process; instead you will reach the point zero, where there are no feelings, only peace and emptiness. Emptiness is used here in the sense of void, a void that is described in the Tantric tradition as the point zero of the consciousness, a point from where you can create anything. The void is for human beings what a white canvas is for a painter, the starting point of a new piece of art, which in your case is your new life, free from the past events, feelings and emotions.

The second way to exit the storm of sadness through music is to listen to energetic music. Energetic music will help you to move the energy of sadness up, to transmute it and sublimate it into higher, more elevated forms of energy. In the beginning the mind might resist this method by creating thought like: “this is a fake”, “this music is not appropriate for how I feel”, “it does not feel right”. Let these thoughts go as they come, be the spectator of the thoughts and aim to allow the music to enter your body, your mind and your heart. Allow the music to penetrate every cell of your body and feel in your body all the sensations that are necessary to be felt. If you allow this process for at least twenty minutes, you will notice a change in your mood.

Music changes your mood; music connects you with your body, with your feelings. You will feel what kind of music you want to listen. If you listen to hard rock music, you will feel “hard rock”. If you want to feel light, listen to light music, spiritual music. If you want to feel joyful listen to joyful music. Find the music that you need in the moment according to how you want to feel. Some people are saying that hard rock music is bad. I tell you what is bad, bad is to keep the anger inside, that kills you. I am not saying to listen every day to heavy metal or hard rock but if you feel the urge to listen to one piece there is a reason for it, probably the anger wants to go out, to be expressed. While you express it, it usually takes ten-twenty minutes, you can scream, you can beat some pillows or any other healthy and creative way to express anger.

After this I strongly recommend listening to some soothing music and to bring love back into your heart, to soften your feelings and your aura and to understand that it was just unexpressed and supressed anger and now you can move on with a better life. There is nothing wrong with heavy music, it brings out of you the supress feelings, just do not listen every day it will create more anger, so use it wisely. You can use music to build your moods, to take out sadness, to take you out anger, to bring back joy, to bring you back life, to bring you back love.

Movement

Movement is everything. Everything moves. Trees, birds, grass, people, animals, Earth, galaxies, stars, thoughts, feelings, emotions, cells, atoms, neurons, electrons. Everything moves.

Movement for human being is essential. Movement and exercise are vital for the brain. In his book, “Brain Rules” the author John Medina says: “Exercise is candy for the brain” and brain is an important part of the human body. When the brain is in good shape, the body is in good shape and when the body is in good shape, the brain is in good shape, they are interconnected. Movement helps the brain to receive oxygen and to receive nutrients. Diet is also important for the brain and, when we balance our diet and exercise, we will see the amazing results. When we eat superfoods, good and healthy food and have a daily routine to move our body and our health is going to maintain longer at the optimal level.

It might sound paradoxical, but movement creates movement. When you move, you create movement. The worst thing in this world is to get stuck, to be stuck and you know what I am talking about because I know you felt stuck in your life. I felt stuck in my life. The worst thing is to stay in the same place and feel stuck and not move. Anything is better than to be stuck. So when I say movement creates movement, when you move your body, you move your mind, when you change the position of your body, you change your mind and mind is important to be flexible and it is important to be open. Closed minded people have rigid and stuck bodies. Movement creates movement. When you move your body, you move your emotions and emotions are very important, especially in our society today because emotions are misunderstood. Emotions are not well managed by a vast majority of people. Very few people actually know how to control their emotions. You might say: “I have emotions. What can I do?”. Move, because moving your body will move the emotions and will transform the emotions.

When we move our body, we move our emotions as well. Some might call it as “emotional body”. Yes, when we move our physical body, we move our emotional body as well because emotions are happening in the physical body. What is an emotion? Emotion is e-motion, energy in motion. If you are that kind of person that you don't believe in energy, trust me you don't have to believe in anything. I release you from the burden of having to believe in energy or in anything. If you ever felt in your body any feelings, any emotions, then you know what I am talking about, something you feel, however you want to call it. When you move your body, I invite you to move your body and observe how moving your body is changing your mood. For example, try to dance two hours on happy music and see how you will feel after that, or then do the opposite, try to move on sad music for two hours and see how you will feel after that. Moving your body changes your emotions, it transforms them, transmute them into more free forms of energy. Movement can transform anger into body heat after a good gym workout. Movement, exercise is very important from the physical perspective, from emotional perspective and from mental perspective.

For me movement is the most important element for feeling good, even when I try to think and put my ideas together, I walk. I need to move so that my body is moving, my energy is moving, and my mind is moving. I am not going to go into medical studies or psychological studies of the effects of the movement, I leave that to you if you are interested there are few good books available in the bibliography of this book. What I want to suggest to you is to experiment movement in your life. If you feel you are stuck, Move! Just stand up, stretch, take some steps, put some music, dance, even though it might feel weird in the beginning. If your mind argues with the movement and it says: “I can’t move. Am I doing it right? Do I look weird?” is normal.

Body and mind are connected. If you are stuck in your body, you are stuck in some ideas too. If you were stuck in negative emotions for a long period of time and then you start to move, everything will argue: “Oh no, it's not good, it's hurting”. I'll tell you one thing: 90% if not more of the pain is imagined, it is in the mind, the mind has certain inertia and it doesn't want to change. The lower mind doesn't want to change so, when you start to move, your body will say: “Ah but I have some pain here and here”. If you really are objective, you are checking your body and breathing, the pain is not actually so big, it's just the idea of moving.

I was dancing at a trance dance party after a long period of being a sedentary person. I had a sedentary job and not moving too much outside of my job either. After a while, when I started to move, to practice yoga, to go to dancing parties I could feel that my heart wanted to be happy and my body wanted to move and something really strong, almost like a presence, was dragging my right foot down to the ground in pain. It was some physical pain but most of the pain was like stuck fear in my structure, fear of looking bad or of looking weird, fear of getting moved, fear of being happy, fear of being alive.

This was my personal experience when I started dancing after a long period of sedentarism. You can face very strong psychological and physiological blockages when you start to move. What I am suggesting for you is to be mindful about yourself. Do not push yourself too much but give continuity to your movement. When you start a new physical activity give it time and carry on in your own pace. Give yourself a chance to get used to a new habit because, only when you get used to it and you continue the new habit, you’ll go through profound and long-lasting transformation.

I will tell you one sad truth. We do not even know how to breathe; we do not know how to move, and we do not know much about ourselves. I do not care how many years of yoga or meditation, mindfulness and other spiritual practices you do, I do not care how many tons of knowledge you have, on this planet there are very few people who actually know themselves, who know how to breathe, who know how to move and remember to practice what they know. You might have many years of experience or you might not have any experience at all, it does not matter, I know for sure that you do not remember about your breathing many times a day. I know you are taking your breathing for granted, I know you are taking your heartbeat for granted, we all do. We all forget about breathing in the moment and that is tragic because being aware of the breathing has a vital role in our body-mind development. I can probably quote from Bhagavad Gita, from Tantrasara and few other important spiritual books of high importance and still, sometimes I forget I am breathing, I am not conscious about my breathing or I am not breathing enough. You tell me, what is the use of the knowledge if we are dead inside, if we do not feel our body, if we do not feel your emotions? What is the use of knowledge if we deny the temple that has been given to us, our body? I am not going to go religious here, but this body is a wonderful home and we choose not to be home.

What I am suggesting to you now is to take a deep breath wherever you are. Take a deep breath deep down into your lungs, into your belly, into your pelvis, breath into your legs, into your arms, into your neck, into your head and acknowledge you are alive, acknowledge how the breathing is moving your body from the inside. Become aware of the movement inside your body. Breath into your organs, veins, capillary, cells. Breathe into your body and become aware of your breathing. While you become aware of your breathing, observe the movements in your body and celebrate the life running through your body. If you want, you can talk to your body, acknowledge your body and ask for forgiveness, for forgetting about it and promise your body that you will remember it more often, breath into it, pay attention to its’ inner movements, paying attention to the life inside your body and give gratitude for serving you for so long, so diligently and wonderfully.

Dancing

Another way to feel good is through dancing. Because of the movement element of it, dancing gets all the benefits that any form of movement gets. Because music is involved, the brain gets all the benefits that music brings along. But dancing is much more than the sum of movement and music. Dancing involves coordination, balance, rhythm and much more. Dancing is free, dancing should be free, to allow ourselves to move on the waves of music, to allow our body to listen to the music, to allow our skin to connect to the music, to allow our breath to connect to the music, to allow our heart to connect to the music, to allow our guts to connect to the music.

What I used to say to my dance students is that the prefrontal cortex cannot dance. What I mean by this is that dancing stimulates different areas of the brain rather than the analytical brain. These areas of the brain that are stimulated by music and dancing, are the ones that are not usually stimulated by a static office job.

The prefrontal cortex is not meant to dance, because it is that part of the brain which makes analysis, it is good for mathematics, it is good for your office job, but it is not good for dancing.

Even though you know steps and dancing routines and you can become really good in in performing them, it is not your prefrontal cortex, which is making you move, it is your ganglia that makes you move. Some people call it muscle memory because ganglia is connected with the muscles and movement functions of the body. You can learn through your mind the steps and routines and then store them into your body. Then you access the movements through your body; your body has memory, your skin has memory, your tissue has memory, your deep tissue has memory.

In order to learn how to dance we need to learn steps, memorize them in the body and then the body will move. Another important aspect for a great dancing experience is to listen to the music with your body, to connect to the music with your body, because music is vibration. Music is air moving through the membrane of the speaker and then the sound arrives to you through the air moving with the modulation of the speaker. Music is heard through the vibration of the air and if you are sensitive enough and if you pay attention enough to that vibration when it touches your body, that’s when you can say that you feel the music. Allow your body to open up to the vibration of the music, to feel it, and that way your body will dance directly, you do not need to learn any steps, you do not need to spent years and years becoming good in memorizing steps and reproducing steps, you can just feel the music and dance. Dancing makes you feel good because you are moving, and movement regulates hormones into your body and into your glands.

When you allow the music to move you and you let go to the vibration of the music, the sensation in the body is a sensation of trance, it is equivalent to an orgasm in the whole body and you can generate that only by expanding your chest, breathing in, connecting to the music and allow yourself to be moved by the music.

Dancing is a way to feel good, to connect with your body and, if you are ashamed, or you want to look good just dance in your own room with the door closed. Close your eyes, listen to the music in your own room and see what sensations are brought into your body by the music waves. Explore those sensations, feel your body caressed by the music, feel your body caressed by the rhythm of the movement. Feel your body.

Sex

Let us investigate for a moment what we believe about sex. Who taught us about sex? What we have been taught about sex? What did we learn consciously through information or subconsciously through observation? If we look around in the society we live in, we can observe some wrong ideas about sex. Some of us learned that sex is a sin. Some of us learned that sex is wrong. Some of us learned that sex is shameful. Some of us learned that sex is a commodity. Some of us learned that sex is a wonderful thing to enjoy in an adult, consensual and safe space. Some of us learned that sex is sacred, and we share it only with few special people in our lives. Some of us learned that sex is for procreation. Some of us talk about sex and some of us don't.

I decided to talk about sex, and I am going to refer to sex as Social Erotic eXperience. Some of us are having sex to release stress. Some of us are building feelings around sex. Did you ever wonder why sex is so powerful and diverse? Why do we crave it so much? Why do we run away from it? Why sex is important for our well-being?

I believe that sex, like anything else in life, can be used to feel good or it can be used to feel bad.

I am not going to teach you how to use sex to feel bad because we all already know that. We all had sex with the wrong person or at the wrong time or in a way that didn't bring us much pleasure. We all had sex that brought us more pain than pleasure. If that is not true for you, well done, you are a lucky exception.

You can use sex to feel good or you can use sex to feel bad. How to use sex to feel good?

In the Taoist wisdom and science, sexual energy travels through the body’s energetic meridians that are closely connected with the nervous system. They believe that sexual energy is the energy of life. I believe that there is a lot of wisdom and truth in the Taoist tradition and I invite you to explore more about it from the books in the bibliography of this book.

Now let’s see what sex is from a practical perspective, from body perspective. What is sex from body perspective? Sex is touch, and the body needs touch. Sex is embracing and embrace has healing powers due to oxytocin emission in the body during hugging. Sex is connection, is deep connection; the female yoni (the sacred Tantric name for female vagina) embraces the male lingam (the sacred Tantric name for male sexual organ). If you feel that connection, if you feel that embrace and you combine it with the touch of the hands on the skin, with the eye contact or head to head connection and with even deeper connection of the hearts, that is heaven. Sex is a complex human intimate interaction that involves connection, touch, embrace, deep connection of the sexual organs, embracing of the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system through the connection of the pressure points of the body and sexual organs and much more. The sexual area of the body is very sensitive and full of nervous terminations. Through the penetration between a Lingam and a Yoni there is an immense healing and a huge relaxing power for the nervous system, if the sex is done in a mindful and conscious manner.

How did that sound about sex? How does your sex life look like? How many times in your life, you are having that kind of sex where you can relax and nourish yourself, you embrace your partner, breathe with you partner, you look into the eyes with your partner and cuddle with your partner? Some people have this type of Social Erotic eXperience once a day, some people once a month, some people never.

One very important aspect for good sex in a couple relationships or not, is polarity. If there is no polarity, there is no sexual attraction. You can love with your heart the person immensely, but you will not feel to make love with that person if there is no sexual tension. There are many ways to create sexual tension or polarity and it differs from one person to another what creates sexual attraction. Like in physics, a difference in polarity plus and minus, creates attraction. The same way, in the case of human beings, our differences are creating attraction, sexual tension. If two people are of the same polarity, there will be no sexual attraction. One way to create polarity in case of men is to be in their masculine aspect of their being. This aspect alone will create the space for the woman to relax into her feminine side of her being and this way creating polarity or so-called sexual tension. In the same way, while the woman goes consciously into her feminine side, forces the man to be in his masculine. Polarity is a law as strong as the law of gravity, you do not have to believe in gravity for the gravity to work, it just works. You can observe the polarity game in your day to day life between people and other people, between people and places, between people and objects. Polarity is a law that manifests beyond sex. Everything around us is polarized and this is because at atomic and subatomic level we are created by the polarity of microscopic particles. Without polarity, we will not exist, nothing would exist. Once this law is understood and applied correctly in our life, everything starts to improve, our sense of wellbeing, our sex life, our love life, everything.

Men are created genetically and historically as survivors, as warriors and therefore, more instinctual than women. And this is due to many thousands of years of survival in wild and hostile environments where the one who was ejaculating faster was the one surviving as a specie. We are the result of those ancestors who were ejaculating the fastest. Nowadays, if the man ejaculates too fast, the woman does not reach the peak of her orgasm because women in general they reach the state of orgasm after at least twenty minutes, while men can reach ejaculation in as fast as five seconds. One basic rule for men in order to satisfy their female partner is to slow down and become aware of this ancestral instinct which was inherited from our fathers.

For men who want to achieve more pleasant states during sex and satisfy their partners there are few actions that you can take. One of the actions that you can do is need to be present in your body. You can do that by breathing deeply into your lungs, into your abdomen, into your balls. You can also play with your attention in your body, move your attention in your cock, in your belly, in your chest, in your neck, in your legs, in your head. You can play with the attention so that the woman feels your presence in all the parts of body in all the parts of her body. How many of you guys, you are only focus on your genital area and looking for local pleasure in your cock? Or on the contrary, if you are excited, how many of you are thinking about something else in order to delay ejaculation? There is a better way for you if you want to have highly fulfilling sex, long lasting erection and full body orgasm. This way is to pay attention into your body, in your cock, in your balls, in your root chakra, in your abdomen, in your chest, in your head and move the attention all over your body while breathing deeper. This alone will increase the amount of pleasure you feel in your body and the length of your love making act.
Women need to have at least three orgasms a week according to Dr. Andrea Pennington, expert in female sexuality. In her book
"The Orgasm Prescription for Women: 21 Days to Heightened Pleasure, Deeper Intimacy and Orgasmic Bliss",
she speaks about the necessity of women to have orgasms regularly and how not having sex for long periods of time has negative impact upon health and wellbeing.

You might say that sex is not enough, sex should be only done out of love. Everything should be done only out of love, job, eating, walking, singing, dancing, sex, everything should be done with the heart. If you do anything without love, you are missing the juice, you are missing the most important ingredient, so yeah I agree with you, any good sex should be done while man and the woman are connected with their hearts.

Gurdjieff and others are talking about the three brains: the animalic brain connected to the sexual instinct, the affective brain connected with the maternal instinct, and the intellectual brain connected with the knowledge. The connection between the three brains is the key to wellbeing.

Going back to the sex, denial of sex, neglection of the sexual activity is not helping you at all in your health and in your wellbeing. Denying the sexual energy is probably the most damaging and frustrating thing you can do to damage your wellbeing. What I’m encouraging you, is to discover your sexuality in a harmonious way. Read about it, stop judging it, try to discover what sexual energy actually is, what dimensions sexuality can have and what works for you.

In case you do not have too much sexual energy or too much sexual appetite, it does not matter because sex is touch, sex is connection, sex is meeting another human being in an intimate way, whatever that means for you. You can be eighty you can one hundred and twenty you can touch, you can connect, you can be intimate with another human being.

Another dimension of sex is the spiritual dimension, which I am not going to create here another tantric book, there are enough available. What I am going to explain here is what it is the impact of the spiritual dimension in general in your wellbeing and how you can use sex to increase your wellbeing.

Relating to a beneficial spiritual dimension makes your nervous system relax. If you relate to a higher intelligence, your nervous system relaxes because the mind relaxes. It is like saying: "ok, there is a higher intelligence so I can relax now and allow That to take care of what is happening in my life".

Interesting, God can be relaxing. By the way you do not have to call it God, you can call it whatever you want as long as you put your worries aside and you open and surrender to a higher intelligence and allow your nervous system to relax. One way to integrate the higher intelligence into your sex life is through consecration. One formula I use is from Bhagavad Gita, a sacred writing of India, is as follows:

"God, I consecrate/offer to You this action of love making with my partner". Try it, if it works for you, use it, if it doesn’t work then is not for you.

Another dimension of the spiritual sex is about creating a sacred space. If you are averse to the word sacred, it is creating an intimate space where you and your partner are like in a bubble. Creating a space with candles with nice aromas and relaxing music relaxes your nervous system. In this way you have sex with a relax nervous system and it can build up sexual tension, release sexual tension and relax your body and mind. Try it out, create a sacred space, an intimate space, light candles, aromas, music and then start touching, caressing, connecting and then make love with my partner slowly in the beginning and build up the rhythm gradually until the peak of pleasure. Try it and see how you feel after that.

Nutrition

Eating well is a form of self-respect. Eating well can be defined from a specialist perspective, which means a doctor or a nutritionist or it can be described from a cultural perspective. In my home country eating well means to eat a lot. Eating well can be described from your own physical body perspective, free of any knowledge, free of any social constraints, free of any rules, just by listening to your body. Your body is intelligent, your body knows exactly what you need and once you tune into your body, you can observe by yourself what food works for you, what food makes your body feel relaxed and feel good, and not only for ten minutes or half an hour but also for a long term because sometimes, especially in my example, I love eating French fries and it makes me feel amazing when I am eating them. It is not the case two hours later when my stomach hurts. When we talk about wellbeing, there are a few general rules regarding nutrition. One golden rule is to eat light, not to put too much pressure on your stomach. The second rule is to give your body enough nutrients, enough substances to be nourished.

In this small chapter about nutrition we cannot be very extensive about what nutrients you need for your body, what type of food you should eat, eventually based on your body type, on your blood type, there are many books that address this subject extensively but, from the wellbeing perspective, what you can do immediately is to start listening to your body and eat certain foods and check if your body felt well for the rest of the day or your body felt ill because, sometimes we do not find the answer in any nutritional book or any medical treaties. Your body might react to something and another person might react to something else. Find your own way, and also find the foods that make you happy, do not eat just to fill your stomach, eat something that causes pleasure when you eat it.
It is very important to eat what causes you pleasure, it gives you a feeling of fulfilment not only nutritional fulfilment, but also it makes you happy. Eat food that makes you happy and eat food that makes you healthy as well. The ideal is to eat food that makes you healthy and happy. That is the jackpot, in terms of nutrition.
Nutrition also includes hydrating your body. Keeping your body hydrated is as important as keeping your body nourished with proper nutrients. Drink clear pure water every day, at least one litter a day, ideally two litters a day and if you are ill, four litters at least a day because the intake of water of four litters a day allows your body to heal faster. Please consult your doctor when you are ill, these advises are not enough to heal you of every disease. The nutrition role in your wellbeing is very important. When your body feels good and you give your body pleasure through what you eat and what you drink, of course you will feel well.

A body who is nourished and healthy will naturally feel well. Just to sum up, nutrition for me plays an important role in my wellbeing and also, based on what I eat I can observe that also my emotions are also affected. If my body hurts, I won’t feel well so I eventually be grumpy or sad. It sounds obvious but the question is are we taking action to adjust our nutrition?

I eat vegan because this is what works for me and I discovered this by trial and error. Later on, I found out that, according to Chinese medicine eating meat damages the kidney and eating dairy dumbs the fascia. This is not vegan propaganda; it took me 40 years to realize what works best for me and I am sharing my experience with you. The choice is always yours. I wish someone would have told me this, twenty years earlier. Bon Appetit.

Touch
Touch is one of the 5 senses and touch is very important for our wellbeing. It is as important as the other senses like listening to good music makes us to feel well and, in the same way, good touch makes us feel well. Touching other people, touching plants, touching nice materials or clothes brings pleasant sensations into our body. Touching with the hands brings information to our nervous system and it brings that type of information that bypasses the brain so, it brings pure information to the cells, to the nervous system and that is why touching is important for our wellbeing. Paying attention on what clothes we wear, to have a nice sensation on our bodies, what shoes we wear makes our body and nervous system feel safe. In this chapter, I am going to refer only to the non-sexual touch.
There is need of the skin, of the nervous terminations in the skin to be touched in a non-sexual way, and, it is very healing. There are healers who are only using the sense of touch to heal certain emotional traumas, certain emotional related disturbances and to balance the nervous system through touch.

The sense of touch has been given to us when we were born. The first sense when we come into this world is the touch of the skin when we are coming out from our mother’s womb. In the cozy feeling of our mother womb we got feed and nourished, we were feed for nine months, we were warm enough, we were safe. We came to this world and the first sense was the sense of touch, it was the exit to this world through our mother’s vagina, and that is a very intense touch. Then we got touched by the doctor's hands and some of us got slapped so that we start to breath. The first sense that we are exposed to in this world is the sense of touch.

After the moment of birth we get to be in our mother arms and then through our toddler period we get to be touched by different people. Children at that age need to be touched, to be touched with love, with care, to be caressed, to be washed, the skin to be washed. Even though we get a lot of touch, there will be moments when we will be missing that touch in our toddler period and that is imprinted in our nervous system as a message that we didn’t get enough touch.

I saw personally people getting touched in a non-sexual way in conscious workshops and starting to cry, to have an emotional release. If you tune into yourself and you start to caress your face, you will notice how much need for touch your body has and it gets to be really nourishing and relaxing for the nervous system. What I am saying is that touch is a basic human need and it needs to be addressed. Some people don’t get to be touched enough and for those people I recommend that they actually start gently caressing their own hands and observe the sensations, caressing their own face, their own neck, their own chest and then observe the sensations and I promise you after one minute of doing this you will feel the difference in your state of wellbeing. Give yourself enough touch and, if you do not have a partner, you can touch yourself in a non-sexual way. It is a fundamental need of your body, it is one of the senses and it needs to be exercised and if you have a partner, even better, I recommend that you touch each other in a non-sexual way and you do this sections separately from any other activities, not when watching TV, not before making love, just allocate five or ten minutes to focus only on touching each other and paying attention to the touch, and I promise you the intimacy will totally transform, your state of wellbeing will totally be transformed and why not, your life will totally transform due to exercising the sense of touch.
For the people who do not have a partner, and they do not want to have a partner, I recommend that you go to partner dancing and that’s will exercise the sense of touch. Couple dancing, like Salsa, Bachata, Kizomba and others, will develop very beautiful senses which are not developed otherwise. Getting a massage will also exercise the sense of touch and charge the batteries of touch for a while. Bowen is a method that uses touch, very gentle touch of the body to heal.

The touch has two dimensions, offering touch and receiving touch. Offering touch to another human being or even animals, triggers in one's being a sense of generosity a sense of offering unconditional love. On the flip side of the coin you cannot offer touch without receiving touch. When you touch with your hands skin of other human beings, pleasant textures, pleasant materials, plants, animals, rocks you receive touch in your hands. Sometimes when I go in the forest, I grab soil from the ground, and I feel the texture of the ground. I grab rocks, I am curious to feel that sensation of touch. Receiving touch can be to be touched by the rain on your face, to be touched by your partner, to be touched by another human being, to be touched by nice clothing that you are wearing and paying attention how different sensations of touch are altering your state of being, your wellbeing.

I hope you got a little bit of information to explore your own sense of touch.

Connection

Connection is one of the basic needs of the human being. Connection is related to the need to belong to a group or to a community. The need for connection is deeper than the need to belong.

The need of connection is the need of feeling connected to oneself, feeling connected to nature, feeling connected to others.

Feeling connected brings fulfilment and wellbeing. There are people that are not feeling connected to themselves at their work and in their lives. I was one of them. When we work and become frustrated and disconnected from ourselves is because we are doing actions that do not bring us connection to ourselves. Some of us have to do jobs that we are not connected with and we disconnect from ourselves. That is why it is important to find activities that reconnect us to ourselves. For example, walking in the park, listening to birds singing, looking at trees, doing a workout, playing guitar, listening to good music, etc. Those are examples of activities that I resonate with and they connect me with myself. Yours might be different. You need to find them if you want to become more connected with yourself. It is your personal journey to discover what actions are connecting you with yourself, what actions are bringing joy into your life.

Feeling connected is a fundamental need of the human being. Feeling connected is not something outside ourselves. It is not like a Wi-Fi connection: I connect to the Wi-fi and I am connected. It is more like I am doing something in the exterior world that brings the connection back to my own heart, to myself, to my senses. Feeling connected to yourself is something inside of you, something very concrete, for some people are goose bumps, for others is: "Oh, my heart is happy". In reality, feeling connected is a feeling and, generally, it is difficult to describe the feeling. I am not going to try to describe the feeling for you. It’s going to be your job to make the "feeling connected" feeling inside of you and find out how that feels. I will give you a very simple method to do that.

First step: find something that you like, that you enjoy.

Second, connect to your body while you are doing that activity. How does that feel? How the joy feels for you when you are doing that activity?

And third step, try to bring that joy when you are not doing that activity. Try to nourish that joy inside yourself without doing the activity.

Here is a concrete example. I like eating chocolate, I love eating chocolate. I eat a piece of chocolate and I feel happy for two seconds, three seconds, maybe ten seconds because the taste is still in my mouth and then I feel joy. I feel pleasure in my body and, after a while I need another piece of chocolate. If I carry on like that, I will get fat very fast. That is why I suggest for you the third step, record the moment when you are "eating chocolate" (find your own activity that you enjoy doing) and aim to feel the same when you are not "eating chocolate". You will discover that the feeling associated to "eating chocolate" is not dependent on the chocolate, it is a feeling inside of you and the chocolate is just a trigger for that feeling.

Three simple steps to connect to yourself: first step, find something that gives you pleasure, second step, do it and observe your body sensations when you are doing it and third step try to recall the body sensations, when you are not doing that activity. This way you will find out what it means for you to be connected to something that gives you pleasure and to be connected to something inside yourself without an external stimulus. This is how, step by step we build a feeling of well, of being well. This is how we build wellbeing inside ourselves as an inner state, less and less dependent on the external stimuli, a more and more innate state of well-being.

Health

This chapter is dedicated to a very interesting and complicated subject which is health.

Health is a very important aspect of our wellbeing, because when we are ill, we don’t feel well, and wellbeing cannot be installed a body that is ill. Therefore, health is a very important aspect of wellbeing. I would say that the basic aspect of wellbeing is to be healthy. Now, what health means? Health means that the physical body functions at its optimal standards and the mind functions at its optimal standards. I would add another aspect of health that is not very often considered in the medical world and that is the emotional balance.

In my view, health has three aspects. The health of the physical body, the health of the mind and the health of the emotions. If our body is ill, our mind will be disturbed, we won’t think as good as in the case when our physical body is healthy. When our body and mind are disturbed, our emotions are also disturbed, and we can feel sad that we are ill or afraid of what might happen. All these three heaths are interconnected.

Health of the physical body is the most basic health and it is very important. A healthy physical body means a body who is able to function at its optimal. Nowadays people are working in polluted environments, eat fast food and with a lot of chemicals and the physical body is not in an optimal state of health. I recommend that the first aspect of a healthy physical body is cleaning the physical body. It is very good to keep the physical body clean through healthy food and through techniques of cleaning the physical body which are present in Ayurveda, the Indian medicine. A very famous technique from India is called Shank Prakshalana and is nowadays present more and more in the Western world and it basically cleans the intestines of residual waste. The Chinese doctors and the Indian doctors are stating that the intestines are the cause of all diseases and, once we clean those, you obtain perfect heath. This is not a medical book, and this is not a medical advice, and this is based on my own experience so, I strongly advice that you consult a doctor before you take any actions. I highly recommend that you consult a doctor first, before you practice any techniques I mention in this book.

The health of the physical body is improved by keeping our physical body clean, keeping our food clean, keeping our environment as clean as possible and also through physical exercise. You know when your body is in an optimal state and you know when your body is overweight or underweight and you know when you are ignoring your physical body for other priorities. I know that as well, and that is why I am writing this book because for many years I was ignoring my physical body and therefore, my wellbeing was affected too and only when I decided to take care of my physical body everything else fell into place. I recommend physical exercise, good food, regular check-ups of your health and also find out what else works for the health of your physical body which might be different from other people.

Keeping your physical body happy helps your mind to be healthy. "Mens sana in corpore sano" is a famous Latin saying that can be translated as "Healthy mind in healthy body".

Once your physical body is healthy, you might want to look at what are your daily thoughts. Keeping your thoughts clean is very important aspect of an overall health of the human being.

The mental wellbeing is also important for our health. We have around fifty thousand thoughts a day that are going through our mind and many of us don’t question them at all. We pick the ones that seem familiar and "entertain" them with logical arguments. We choose the thoughts we entertain daily and we generally do not pick the happy thoughts because of the way the mind works. The mind is a troubleshooter and will pick the thoughts that are alerting for trouble, possible treats, in order to deal with them and find ways to avoid danger and keep us safe. Many of times the danger is not real. Questioning the thoughts is a very useful tool to obtain a sane and healthy mind. I highly recommended Byron Katie’s work in this regard. She created a system to question every thought that we obsessively entertain. The system contains four questions. The first question that Byron Katie is asking the thought is "Is it true?". Sometimes we believe thoughts which are false, and they are proven later on that they were false. Until they are proven to be false, we believed that they are true, and we feel like they are true. This is affecting our emotions in a negative way. We can produce in our body emotions of fear or sadness only by choosing bad thoughts. Question your thoughts.

Once we question the thoughts, our emotions will become under our control and we come back into our power. We can choose what emotions we have by choosing what thoughts we nourish. Questioning the thoughts is a very good tool for keeping a clear mind, a mind with thoughts that we choose to think.

The third aspect of health is the emotional health and, in my practices of emotional healing, in my own journey, I experienced that emotions are not random, they have a cause and a trigger. One of main the cause of emotions are our own thoughts and another source of our emotions are past events in our lives which left an emotional mark.

When some events are happening now in our life, some emotions are triggered and we feel sad, angry, afraid, happy, etc.

How to take back control of those emotions and how to keep the emotions in check, it is a complex process. We all have triggers and all the triggers have deeper roots in our past experiences. Sometimes even in the past experiences we don’t consciously remember from our childhood between 0 and 3 years old or later on. One very simple way to keep emotions in check is to identify the emotions, to observe when we get triggered and verbalize it. I.e. “I feel anger”. When we get triggered and feel a certain emotion, it is not about the situation that has just occurred. That is only the trigger. Different people will react differently in the same situation. The emotions are already there ready to be triggered, ready to be felt and ready to be healed. The first step in the healing process is to acknowledge that the emotions are already there in your emotional structure, in your muscles, in your tissue, in your thoughts. This will help to detach the current situation from the emotions and start to investigate in your body, what part is in pain, or what part of the body is in vibration or trembling and through self-analysis you will be able to know yourself and your emotions better.

To heal parts of the unfelt emotions you can use techniques like TRE (Trauma Release Exercises), primal therapy exercises or other techniques for healing the wounds of the childhood.

Before you go to expensive courses and retreats like I did, I recommend you one thing, to get in touch with your emotions and to get control of your emotions. My advice is to feel the emotion in the moment, when you get trigged, feel the emotion. Allow yourself to feel the emotion. You might be afraid to go there and feel the emotion, you might be ashamed, because maybe tears might come out or other reactions might come out and that is all right. Allow yourself to feel the emotion deeply in your body. It might be painful emotionally and physically.

You might need to sit down or to put your face in your hands, it might be very intense but, once your feel it, once you allow yourself to feel the emotion, the healing process can start.

When talking about health, emotional health is important, and it is intercorrelated with our physical body health. Once you allow yourself to feel, for example anger, you can start to heal the emotional body. In my case I allowed myself to feel the stored anger in my structure and, once I felt it, I could feel my stomach contracting in pain and it felt almost like fainting and it lasted for one or two minutes and, after that my stomach was more relaxed and I was sitting even taller in my posture, and my body felt better, my digestion got better.

For this chapter I leave you with these two methods about emotions. First detach yourself from the current situation which trigger your emotion, and second, allow yourself to feel the emotion fully, if possible.

Just to recap, the health is three-dimensional aspect of your wellbeing and it is first, your physical body health, your mental health and your emotional health.

Yoga

Talking about Yoga in this chapter as small as this one, is like, trying to explain math in one hour. Yoga is a very complex system, it has its origin in India and nowadays it is present in most of parts of world, in different forms. There are forms of Yoga in Africa, which in the ancient tradition are as old as the Indian yoga postures and practices. We can find yoga practices and yoga like practices also in the Shamanism tradition from South America and other parts of the world.

Yoga is a complex system and it implies many practices, it implies physical postures, it implies breathing techniques, it implies meditation, different states of meditation, it implies contemplation, and it also implies a state of communion, communion with the forces of the nature.

Yoga means fusion, Yoga means harmony in the Sanskrit language. Yoga is a way of life for many yogis in India and in other parts of the world. I started practicing yoga when I was eight years old. For me, Yoga is a way of life and, it is like brushing my teeth in the morning. I don’t make any effort to practice it, I practice what I need, when I need, and it is a toolbox of practices that help me to navigate through life. I live in a contemporary world where there is stress, there are a lot of activities around me so, many of the practices in yoga are adapted to our daily life, which is very active. And how is yoga benefiting my wellbeing? In many ways because, the physical postures are keeping my body in shape, my body stretched, my body energized, my body open, my body flexible. The breathing exercises are keeping my lungs and my blood oxygenated, and the meditation practice are keeping my mind clean, or as clean as it could be. It is a matter of practice, it is not any certificate that you put on the wall and you say “I am a Yoga teacher”, that doesn’t help too much in your wellbeing, it maybe helps in your self-steam but for wellbeing, it is all about practicing, and it is not about knowing 200 or 3000 techniques, it is about knowing few techniques and practicing them with perseverance.

In my experience, Yoga is part of my wellbeing and I can actually feel when I neglect to practice Yoga for a certain period of time, my body is letting me know, unfortunately through pain, like usually in my case through lower back pain so, when I feel lower back pain I remember Yoga. This what I wanted to share in this chapter with you, regarding Yoga and to invite you to try it out and add it to your tool kit for your own wellbeing.

Tao

Tao is a complete system of wellbeing techniques and practices just like the Yoga system. The main goal of Tao practices is to prolong life of the internal organs and, therefore prolong the life of the human being. From Qi Kung exercises (used in Chinese martial arts) to Tao Yin (Tao Yoga) and to Tai Chi, Taoism offers to us an easy to understand and practice system that can release anxiety and improve our health.

Needless to say, that a good health combined with a high level of energy into our internal organs and body confers us a high state of wellbeing.

The Six Healing Sounds are creating vibrations into our body and in this way are helping to vitalize the entire body and relax the nervous system.

The spinal cord breathing is one of the core exercises in Taoism and it brings back the vitality into our body through the flexibility of the spine and the free flowing of the spinal internal fluids.

And of course, the biggest Taoist secret is the control of the sexual potential and the redirecting of the sexual fluids and resultant energy in the entire body to nourish the internal organs and especially the brain.

In order to attain a state of general wellbeing, Taoism is a very useful toolkit.

Tantra

Tantra is, as Taoism, a complete and complex system that addresses the human being at all levels: physical, emotional, mental, supramental and spiritual. The human being is seen and accepted as a whole in Tantra Yoga. In Tantra, the practitioner starts exactly where he is, in the present moment, in the present conditions. Tantra uses sexual energy to lift the human being to higher states of consciousness, however the sexual aspect of Tantra is only 1% of what Tantra is. The Tantric scriptures are rather boring and heavy to read, that is why in the West Tantra was oversexualized in order to sell. The differences between Tantra and Tao are small, both systems addressing the human being as a whole, including the sexuality.

From the wellbeing point of view, Tantra plays an important role in my life and in life of many people, because Tantra explains aspects of life that are Taboo in other systems of beliefs. Tantra is a daring system that claims that God is in everything good or bad, in fact, in Tantra good and bad are just mind interpretations. This is hard to grasp from the level of the limited human mind, but from the Universal Mind perspective, everything makes perfect sense.

Tantra gives the tools to understand ourselves better and deeper than any other system I have encountered. On top of that Tantra gives tools to amplify the pleasure and wellbeing in our own bodies up to what is called in Tantra, Divine Extasy. Tantra is not a dogmatic system; Tantra is a system that allows you to experience rather than believe. When you live the experience, you do not need to believe anything because you are already being lived by the experience.

I remember one time in a Tantra retreat, I went to bed, my body was exhausted, my mind was exhausted. I lay down on my left side and the legs were touching each other on my bear skin. I could feel how my left leg and my right leg were exchanging flowing fluxes of energy and causing waves of pleasure in my legs, up the spine and in my whole body. My body was then filled with that energy and the feelings of well-being were flooding my entire being. I guess that was the payoff of all the yoga and pranayama practices that I performed during that day. Tantra might look like abstract and hard work, but the benefits are beyond imagination.

If you want to feel good in your body and in your mind, I highly recommend you try authentic Tantra.

Shamanism

Shamanism is the oldest set of practices that is known on Earth. It is also the first complete system of all who was talking about the “three worlds” way before Carl Gustav Jung and Sigmund Freud discovered the subconscious and the unconscious. The human psyche has three dimensions, the conscious dimension, the subconscious and the unconscious. In shamanism, many thousand years ago, the Shaman was guiding the individual or the group of individuals to journey into the lower world and into the upper world of mental representations. After each Shamanic journey the subjects will come back into the middle world, the one we live in.

Shamanism does not only deal with the exploration of the subconscious but also with the connection with nature, psychosomatic dancing, holistic medicine, etc.

Shamanism is a complete simple system of tools and practices to reach balance and well-being.

Who am I?

God

Beyond of all that we think we are, we are perfect as we are created by the cosmic and telluric energies of the Universe. In essence, we are all made of God. In Sanatana Dharma, from Hinduism, it is believed that we are all Gods and we have the power to achieve the Supreme state of Consciousness, Sat Chit Ananda. I will let you curious about this subject and discover yourself more if you feel attracted to this idea. One of my favorite Mahavakyas, or great Divine sayings, is “Aham Brahmasmi” and in English can be translated as “I am one with my God”.

Choices

Everything is a matter of choice. Our future, our actions, our feelings, our emotions, love, relationships are a matter of choice. Attracting different situations in our lives, even people in our lives is a matter of choice. There are two types of choices, conscious choices and subconscious choices. In the Hindu tradition subconscious choices are called Karma. And we say, “yes, that was faith”. In fact, everything is simple. We have subconscious choices and those are coming from the belief system and from the memories we are bringing into the conscious reality from the subconscious. Then we have conscious choices, when you are aware of a certain influence, certain pattern and then we make a choice, we make a conscious choice which eventually breaks the pattern or even emphasize the pattern, but it is still a conscious choice.

Everything that we feel, everything that we experience is a choice, so blaming the others or blaming the circumstances it doesn’t really help. What does actually help, is to become aware of the subconscious part which generates the choice. What we can observe in our lives is the effect of the choice. When we observe the effect of the choice, we have a choice to blame the faith, blame the Karma or accept the karma and live it until is consumed. We have the option, the choice to acknowledge and become aware of our choice even though it is a subconscious choice, even that we do not like the choice or the effects of the choice and take full responsibility of what is happening. Second step would be to become aware of the part in the subconscious mind that generates that kind of effects, or that kind of events, or that kind of persons that we attracted in our lives. Then, through meditation, affirmations, awareness or other methods we can rewrite that part of the subconscious which chooses for us. Everything is a matter of choice, our situations in our lives, our family, our partners, when we fall in love. Those are the choices that we make at the conscious or subconscious level.

Why

Why is a very simple question, and also a very important. Why can uncover the reason behind our actions and it is all good, when the reason behind our actions serves our purpose, serves our goal but, what if the reason behind our actions does not serve us, does not serve our propose, does not serve our goals? I was sitting today in Starbucks in Centre of Lisbon and looking around me and questioning everything, why am I here? Why am I dancing? Why am I having the coffee? Why all this people around me? Why do I feel attracted by certain people? I want to open up a deeper dimension of the question “why?”. “Why?”, opens us up towards reasons that we don’t want to look at, that in our natural state of unconsciousness, of sleep we do not want to see, which I call “the shadow”. The simple question “why?” can uncover that we are in that relationship because we are afraid to be by ourselves or we are dancing because we like to be hugged.

All these hidden reasons which we do not see, and usually we do not see the reasons we are afraid of. Ask yourself why are you doing the actions that you are doing? Why are you in relationships? Is it out of fear? Is it out of love? Is it boredom? Is it out of interest? If you are one of those who are making money wrong or sex wrong, or anything in this world wrong, I invite you to stop that for a minute and stop judging needing money, needing sex, stop judging all these things and when you do that, it will open up to you that it is okay to need money, it is okay to need company, it is okay to need sex, it is okay the need to be hugged. When you honestly uncover different aspects of yourself: “Why am I doing this? I want to have sex, or I like to be touched” you will discover that you are human. I’m encouraging you to become aware of yourself and understand the “why” of your actions and, in this way, you will understand yourself better. We are meant to be in each other’s lives, and we are meant to need each other.

This is my invitation to you, to ask yourself why and whatever the answer is, do not judge it, do not make it wrong, understand it and stay present to what you discover, because that is a part of yourself and it is wonderful.

The other question I invite you to ask yourself is: “How old am I?” And I am not asking you to check your passport or your ID. I am asking you to become aware, what part of you is acting. Is it the adult, men or women of your age? Is it the inner little child who was not loved enough, who was not hugged enough, who was spoilt, who was beaten, who was punished or who was abandoned or rejected? Yes, a very strong question “how old am I?”, “Who is right now taking the action that I am taking?”.

When you are asking yourself this question, see what memories are coming and do not make them wrong, subconscious is not wrong, subconscious is subconscious. Bringing awareness heals the old realities and brings new realities based on awareness.

A river

A river without the source cannot flow.

A river without a source does not exist.

A river without a source is not a river at all.

There is no river without a source.

If there is river, then there is source and that source is within the river.

If the river pays attention to its flow, the river will observe the source within all its drops, within all its waves.

A river exists because there is a source, a spring from where he flows from.

There is nothing else to do than to flow and observe the source in every drop, in every wave, in every rush, in every stillness.

A river is the source flowing down the path into the ocean.

Flow

Like me, I guess, each one of us are looking for a bit more flow in our lives and, I am assuming that your life is not all the time in perfect flow. What I would like to share with you are the ways I found, so far to build flow in my life.

First of all, I would like to give flow my own definition. I define flow as a state where you do not resist life, where you allow life to flow, where you allow life to unfold in front of you and accept the reality as it is. “Ok, how do you do that? What do you mean? Allowing life to unfold, should I not take any actions? Should I not pursue my goals? Should I not plan? Is this a passive state?” This not a passive state, it is a state where you do take action. It is also a state where you do not struggle. People are struggling nowadays because they set too many goals, they are not flexible and push themselves too much. You can set goals, set even unrealistic goals, challenge your condition and then allow the Universe to work for you as well as you are working for your goal. Enjoy the process, accept where you are at the moment and take the next possible action towards the goal and enjoy life. Set unrealistic goals and accept the reality and do not struggle, do not try too hard so that the Universe can support you. Accept where you are and be happy where you are. If you are not happy where you are now, chances are that you will not be happy when you achieve your goal. If you are happy with your current conditions you will be happy with better conditions as well. The state of mind is a decision, is a conscious decision, you do not have to be miserable if you do not have enough money or enough love or enough success. You can choose to be happy with that temporarily state or fact, accept it and move forward.

Flow is, first of all, accepting the reality, the current reality and then take the next possible action, from where you are, towards your goal. The second way to tune into the flow is to create a state of joy, of happiness, of trill. Find something that you like, find something that you love and, do more of that, which will create a state of satisfaction, a state of fulfilment and, that thing will put you into the flow. If you don't know what is that you love, find out. You need to find out what you like, nobody can tell you what you like, what you love. Discover for yourself what you like and what you love, what brings you satisfaction.

This is very beautiful concept and now the question is, “how do we do it?” I will give you a few hints on how you can flow. If you force it, it is not flow. If you are forcing something, you are not in the flow. If you force a relationship, is not going to bring you flow. If you force a job, it is not going to bring you flow. If you force a dance, an action, a country, a person, anything, it will create a tension, and, if the tension is too much, it will crack. On the flip side of the coin, if there is no tension, there is no life, if you do not feel a little bit of resistance, a little bit of push back, it is boring, it is not going to move too far. The art to flow is to create enough tension and then release the tension when it becomes too much. Tense and release. The art is to feel how much tension to allow and when to release. The art is to create a good tension and then release and then create the next tension and then release, and then create the next action and then allow the Universe, and then create the next flow of life.

Creating a tension in life is vital, because the tension gives you the next kick. Pushing creates movement and action. In a relationship, you need to push yourself to become a better version of yourself. If you want to be successful, you need to push yourself to take action. Tension is a vital aspect of life.

When you release, it does not mean you quit, it does not mean you drop everything and run, that is not release. Release is when you allow the universe, release is when you start to trust. You do your actions, you do your part and, in the release stage you allow the Universe to do its part. You push in a certain direction and you allow, follow the flow and then you push again and then you allow again. This is the dance of flow, this is the dance of life, pushing, allowing, pushing, releasing, never quit, just creating a tension, taking an action and then allowing the Universe to unfold in front of you the result of your actions.

Feeling

Feeling is called in many ways, in many traditions and in many types of art. In Tao is called Qi, in Aikido is called Ki, in Yoga is called Prana, in dancing we say, “feel the music”.

According to NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming), there are four types of people. The people who feel, the people who hear, the people who are visual and the people who want to understand and here we refer of course to a predominance and preference of each individual. Naturally we all hear, we all see, we all feel, and we all want to understand. There are people with hearing difficulties, visual difficulties, feeling difficulties and understanding difficulties. If a person does not hear well, we create hearing aids. If a person does not see well, we give them glasses. If the person does not understand well, we create special programs, or we prescribe lecithin to stimulate the brain functions. If a person does not feel much, we consider them normal, we do not consider that a disability. In fact, we do not understand much in our current society what feeling is and how powerful and useful can be. Blind people develop a much higher sense of feeling than people who have eyesight. In the context of well-being, we need to have feeling, in order to be able to feel good.

If we do not feel much, there is a reason behind, and the reason usually is avoiding and hiding pain. The body usually, and naturally protects itself from pain, including the emotional body. If in the past, there was a trauma, there was an event which caused pain, that pain was avoided and stored. It is an automatic mechanism of the body to avoid feeling the pain and store the pain. When we avoid the pain, we avoid feeling everything else and we walk into this world thinking, rather than feeling. We perceive this world from: “I understand” or “I want to understand” or “I want to see” or “I want to hear”. When we hide pain, something is missing and that is the feeling, feeling the wind, feeling your body, feeling the ground under your feet, feeling deep inside your body, feeling your pain, feeling your joy. Avoiding feeling the pain prevents you from feeling the well-being as well.

If you have trouble feeling good, look into what you are avoiding feeling, what is that feeling inside of you that prevents you from feeling good? You will discover that avoiding feeling something unpleasant, like fear or anger or pain prevents you from feeling all the other good feelings of joy, happiness and excitement. If you go deeper, you will see there are layers and layers of unfelt feelings that are shutting down your body. It might be difficult to peel through the layers of feelings and emotions and you might want to try a couple of times and accept that it is a process and involve your body in this process. Understanding the feelings is not enough, you need to feel the feelings in your body. You need to tune into your physical body and into your emotional body and allow the emotions and feelings to be felt. “How are feeling?”. “I'm fine”. If you answer, “I’m fine” to the question “How are you feeling?” that is a judgement, not a real connection to the feelings. “How are you feeling?”. “Let me check in my body. I feel some anger, and some tension around my belly. I feel a bit annoyed. I feel a bit tired. I feel some fear running around me.”. This would be a more accurate answer based on an honest evaluation of the physical and emotional body. In order to feel, you need to start using the correct receptors and the mind is not the correct receptor. “How are you feeling?”. “Let me check in my body, let me take a deep breath. My belly is tensed.”. This would be a good start to connect with your true feelings.

Feelings are sensed in the body, in the physical body and in the emotional body and they are evaluated by the mind, but you need to connect with the body sensors before interpreting with the mind. The mind wants to disconnect you from the feelings, that is the role of the mind, there is nothing wrong with your mind, your mind functions as designed. The mind is a troubleshooting, evaluating, judging and discriminating tool. Use the mind for what is designed and use the body for what is designed. When I am hearing, I am hearing with my ears. When I am seeing I am seeing with my eyes. When I am feeling I am feeling with my body. Hear with your ears, see with your eyes and feel with your body. There is nobody who really teaches us how to feel, tune into our physical body and keep our physical body clean so that we can feel good. Purifying our body helps us feeling more in a natural way. Keeping our body clean on the inside allows us to feel things we never felt before, feel the wind on our face, feel the sunshine more intensely on our skin, feel other people’s emotions, feel even our own emotions, feel good.

Points of Attraction

The points of attraction are energies in your aura. If you do not believe in energy it's okay, you don't have to believe, you just observe your life and, observe those repetitive situations in your life, that are coming over and over again and generate over and over again similar reactions from you and similar behaviors from others, these are the points of attraction.

If your points of attraction are abundance, freedom, creativity, freedom of expression, free will, love, refinement, clarity of mind and spirituality, then you are a happy person. If your points of attraction are struggle, lack of money, lack of nourishment, lack of vitality, sexual frustration, low self-confidence, inability to love, inability to express beauty, inability to be able to express whatever you want to express then you might need to do some work in order to become a happy person.

The points of attraction are energies in your body, in your aura. It doesn't matter if you believe or not in energy, there are energies you can feel and there are repetitive patterns in your life that you can observe. There are also effects in your life you might not want, you might not know how to get rid of. These points of attraction are creating the reality around you. What does that mean? If you have a point of attraction of anger, angry people will show up in your life or people who make you angry will show in your life. Let us take this pattern as an example. You would not want anger in your life because anger can be destructive for your relationships and for your body. Anger, in long term, destroys your liver and destroys your well-being and health. If you take the idea that anger is a point of attraction and a point of attraction is an energy in your aura, then things become easier, because you can clean the energy in your aura and create other beneficial energies to replace the old ones. You can acknowledge the energy you do not want and create the exact opposite by the use of yoga, meditation, music and other methods. You can also step away from the situations that trigger your anger and take a timeout until the heat of the anger is dimmed. Another option is to stay in the situation and change something in your actions. Knowing that you have the tendency, for example to get angry in a certain situation, instead of doing that you explain to the person and say: “This situation is triggering my anger, because my parents were angry and it is nothing to do with you”. Bringing awareness into the situation changes the course of the events and transforms the points of attraction. Another way to avoid anger or to clear the energy of anger through the use of sage burning like the old Shamans were doing.

You can bring other energies in your aura by meditating with the beautiful and harmonious music that brings into your body joy, love and harmony. It is not a mystery that music changes the mood, it changes the emotional state of the being and the energetical body, it changes the energies in the aura. Positive affirmations are transforming your mood and the energies in your mental field. Louise Hay made millions out of a pure business based on creating positive affirmations for people. Positive affirmations are a very powerful tool. When affirmations are at the subliminal level, meaning bypassing the cognitive mind, they go directly into deeper areas of the brain then they are more efficient. You can create your own subliminal messages or find a good source of subliminal messages and transform your life.

Be aware that, when you start to put new messages in your subconscious, the old messages will come to the surface and that is why it is recommended to do it for 30 days or more because in the beginning if you do it for 2-3 days, there will be things manifesting in your life which are probably worse than you were experiencing before. It is like opening a drawer and the drawer is full of dirty clothes. Then you start to put new fancy beautiful, shiny, happy clothes in it. You start to push these new clothes inside the drawer and the dirty clothes will not fit anymore in the drawer and they will come out. Something needs to come out from the subconscious when you put new messages there. Like in the case of the dirty clothes, your negative thoughts will come out and might try to manifest in your life while you are putting new positive thoughts into your subconscious. Do not get discouraged by this, it is a normal process of healing and transformation.

Points of attraction are not fixed, are not predefined, or predetermined, they can be changed, they can be transformed. We are all the time shifting the points of attraction as we bring new messages in our life. What I suggest to you is to do this process consciously and to choose the new messages that you are bringing in your life. Choose to be happy! Even if you do not know how you will get there, choose to be happy, choose the new point of attraction of happiness and allow the Universe to bring it to you. This is a real day to day practice, to choose what we want to attract in our life. The law of attraction works, if we use it.

“I choose to be happy, I choose to be rich, I choose happiness in my life, I choose abundance in my life, I choose joy in my life, I choose peace, I choose flow, compassion, love, beauty and these are the seeds of new points attraction in my life.” If you repeat it every day, as many times as you can, write them in a paper and put them on a wall, record then on a tape and listen to it a couple of times a day, you will see the results. It might take one week, two weeks, three months, two years, that is determined by the Universe. What you can determine is to plant the seeds and they will start to grow fruits in your life sooner or later.

Bibliography

There are over 200 titles and trainings that influenced me to become who I am today and to share with you this book. I will list the most important and relevant for the subject of this training.

Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill, Originally published: 1937

Rich Dad Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki, Originally published: 1997

Heal Your Wounds and Find Your True Self, by Lise Bourbeau, Originally published: 12 September 2000

The Silva Mind Control Method, by José Silva, Originally published: 1977

Finding and Keeping Love: An Imago-Based Program for Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, Originally published: October 2008

Women who love too much, by Robin Norwood, Originally published: 1985

Obsessive Love, by Susan Forward, Originally published: 1991

The Mastery of Love, by Don Miguel Ruiz, Originally published: 30 March 1999

Awaken Healing Energy Through the Tao, by Mantak Chia, Originally published: 1983

Loving what is, by Byron Katie, Originally published: 2002

The Five Live Languages, by Garry Chapman, Originally published: August 2013

Conversations with God, by Donald Walsh, Originally published: 1995

Brain Rules, by John Medina, Originally published: February 2008

The Orgasm Prescription for Women: 21 Days to Heightened Pleasure, Deeper Intimacy and Orgasmic Bliss, by Dr. Andrea Pennington, Originally published: 4 September 2016

Get Off Your "But": How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself (2009), by Sean Stephenson, Originally published: 27 March 2009

In an Unspoken Voice, by Peter A. Levine, Originally published: 2010