Basic Counselling Skills

We all need to start somewhere and what better place than developing an understanding of what counselling is, as we define it for this course. Counselling is a problem-centred & goal-focused relationship with definite stages, and a beginning and end. It is also important to remember that this course is not designed to make you a counsellor, but rather to equip you with counselling skills that will be helpful in your work, and relationships. And to do that, we need an understanding of the framework of counselling and counselling skills.

Download the worksheet below to reflect on what Counselling IS and what Counselling IS NOT.

What qualities do you look for when you confide in someone? This is the topic we talk about in this video. What are the qualities of a good counsellor? And just how do we define these 3 core principles?

To help you, write down the qualities you think are important in a counsellor all around the body outline you can download below.

Then as a way to help you in your own journey, spend some time reflecting on how you possess and express these qualities and what you need to work on. We’ve include a self-reflection worksheet to guide you in this process.

Empathy is our super power, so we need to understand it well. In this video, we talk about the difference between sympathy, empathy and identification. Remember - Empathy means to feel with someone and allows you to connect with the person. We'd encourage you to watch the video on Empathy from Brene Brown. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

When we work with other people, it’s important that we know who we are. That’s why we're focussing so much on qualities of a counsellor and self-awareness. But it goes further than this. You are bringing the fullness of who you are into the relationship and into the room with you, and so you need to know yourself (including your triggers), share appropriately and be prepared to receive feedback from others. In this video we use Johari's Window as a tool to deepen your self awareness and help you grow.

Below you will find a Johari's Window reflection worksheet to help you chart out a way to develop your self-awareness.

You can find out more information about Johari's Window at the external resources linked below. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

To make this all the more practical, we are going to do a self-awareness activity called Coat of Arms. A Coat of Arms is a picture or symbol usually of a family or organization that represents something about who they are.

Download the Coat of Arms Worksheet below and fill it in using the prompts on the side. Use pictures, words and colours that mean something to you, and spend some time reflecting on how you would like to represent yourself. We encourage you to keep thinking about and adding to your Coat of Arms over time. These things change, as we do.

Part of knowing ourselves is knowing the shadow side, or the dark side. Often these are the bits we want to hide from other or that we don’t like about ourselves. This is about knowing and acknowledging our weaknesses (as well as our strengths) AND the triggers from our past that set us off. If we don’t know these things we can often act inappropriately and end up hurting the people we are in relationship with. This means constantly working on our personal growth and on accepting ourselves.

In this video we talk about Dan Siegel’s Hand Model. You can find out more information about Dan Siegel’s Hand Model on external resources links. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

In this video we look at the characteristics of a self-accepting person. Being self-accepting is part of how we integrate all the different experiences, strengths, weaknesses, values, and personality traits we have into our identity and appreciate them for what they bring to us.

We provide you with a handout of the characteristics of a self-accepting individual list, and ask you to reflect on what you think is the most challenging characteristic on the list. How do you feel as you go through the list? We ask that you complete the reflection worksheet and have fun with the Facebook profile for homework.

In this video we cover the principles of counselling as we begin to look at the Stage of exploring and connecting in the counselling process. These principles underpin what counselling is and what communicating and helping should be about. We ask you to have a pen and paper ready to complete the activities in this lesson.

This is an chance to get creative and start to apply some of the ethical principles and qualities of a counsellor that we have discussed.

As a way to make this more practical, and to get you thinking about how you might use these skills in the work you do and relationships you find yourself in, we have included a series of Scenarios that you can download below and answer questions about.

This video looks at Ethics in Counselling – what should a counsellor Do and NOT DO. We discuss in more detail the core ethical principles of Confidentiality, Competence and Dual Relationships. To help you reflect on Ethics in counselling and these concepts, we’ve included a reflection worksheet for you to download and complete.

This video looks at the role of the counsellor and how this links to the ethical principles we follow. This is part of the exploring and connecting phase of counselling, especially as we see role of the carer is to:

• support

• listen

• walk with the person

• problem solve

This video also looks at reasons we are often involved in helping others and how we can hurt instead of help when our motives are not correctly focussed and we are not self-aware.

In this short video, we give you a fun exercise to do for homework to help you consolidate all the ethical principles, roles and characteristics of a counsellor. We want you to have fun with this fortune tell exercise, so snap a picture and send it to us; talk in the course discussion or let us know how you go on and what you learnt from this module.

We've included a poster of the principles of counselling as well as the fortune teller template as downloads under this video. You will also need, a pen, scissors and crayons to complete this activity.

In this video we discuss various stages in a theory of human development (Erikson’s Stages of Psycho-social Development). We do this because knowing about these stages and the tasks our children are working through impacts how we respond to the behaviour we are seeing, allowing us to respond appropriately through a lens of compassion and empathy.

We also provide a downloadable summary handout for you regarding these developmental tasks.

This video is a continuation of the previous one, in which we discuss the last 4 stages of human development according to Erikson. Again, knowing about these developmental stages and tasks is an important consideration in how we respond to the person in front of us

We also provide a downloadable summary handout for you regarding these developmental tasks.

To help you make all of this theory practical, we take you thought a case study in which you have a chance to apply the Psycho-social Theory of Development to an actual case. You can find the downloadable case study below. Please go through it and answer the questions before watching the rest of the video. Alexa takes you through some of the highlights on the case study but the real learning happens when you apply and process this theory yourself.

We also think it will be helpful for you to consider your own timeline in how you went through the developmental stages and tasks and what helped or what hindered you in working through these tasks.

The timeline worksheet can be downloaded below.

As you start thinking about helping people, it's important to know a bit of theory about how counselling is done. So in this lesson we look at Egan's model of counselling and then look at how these 3 stages can be seen in terms of different steps of counselling. We will keep referring back to these stages and steps as we learn different skills that will help us along the counselling journey.

We also provide a downloadable handout explaining the stages in counselling and Egan's model to refer back to when needed.

This lesson aims to make the stages of counselling, as well as the Do's and Don'ts of counselling a little more practical. We've included two videos in this activity for you to watch and reflect on. If you want to rewatch them you can watch Bad Counselling and Stop it! on the links below. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

Rapport building is all about building a connection and creating that safe space in which conversation and sharing can happen. This skill is important throughout the counselling process, but none more so that the beginning of a new relationship. This building looks at rapport building and the skills needed to develop rapport.

In this lesson, we highlight two videos for you to reflect on. You can find those videos on the links below. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

This lesson explains how non-verbal communication accounts for 80% of what we are trying to communicate. Our tone of voice, body language and facial expressions are all communicating way more than our words. But our words and non-verbal communication needs to be congruent (or line up) in order to make sense to the person we are talking to.

In this video we go through a number of examples of non-verbal communication cues and what is really being communicated. You will need a paper and pen to complete the exercises and reflection points in this lesson. We have also included a self-reflection worksheet for you to complete at the end of the video.

How good are you at listening? We start this lesson by giving you an opportunity to listen and find out! Then we look at non-verbal listening skills and how to convey to someone that you are indeed listening to them and care about what they are sharing.

We also ask you to do some homework and practice your listening skills. We want you to film a short 2 minute video conversation with someone in which you show us the SOLER skills you learnt.

In today’s online world of email, texts, social media and messaging, we want you to consider these mediums when working with others and recognize how easily we can be misunderstood by other or misunderstand what others are saying, when we are only relying on the words used. Remember how important tone, context and body language is in understanding the person we are helping and try to refrain from text-based communication about emotive topics. This video gives you a few tips for your toolbox.

As we end the module and reflect on all we've learnt, this video shows you how the 6 steps of counselling fit into the theory of Egan's model and his stages involved in helping.

This video on Listening Skills or Attending Skills focuses on why listening skills are important and asks you to reflect on how being really heard and attentively listened to makes YOU feel. This empathy allows you to consider what skills or behaviours you might already be using AND those that you need to work on as you start to think about helping others.

We focus on SOLER skills as a platform for building good non-verbal communication or listening skills.

In this video we dive into the theory of listening skills and what to say when you are attentively listening to someone with empathy.

We spoke about:

· Encouraging

· Paraphrasing

· Reflecting

· Questioning

A reminder that Reflection uses the formula: Tentative response + Feeling + Reason.

EG: It sounds like you’re feeling angry about the rise in taxes.

Also important to remember: when we are questioning, we want to use open ended questions like What? Where? When? Who? And How? And avoid the use of Why?

To make this come home we ask you to watch a video that gives examples of what this might look like in practice. Please click on the link below to watch the video on YouTube. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

And to help you navigate and practice these listening skills, we want you to download and work through the listening skills worksheet to help you practice appropriate questions, paraphrases, encouragements, summaries and reflections.

To help you navigate and practice these listening skills, we want you to download and work through the listening skills worksheet and a case study to help you practice appropriate questions, paraphrases, encouragements, summaries and reflections. This video introduces us to Sarah and asks us to think about what is currently happening in Sarah’s life.

You may want to use the Case Study worksheet below to help you answer some of these questions.

To give you an example of what a helping conversation might look like, Danielle Moosajie and Alexa Russell Matthews role play a scene for you. This video shows what it looks like to introduce limits to confidentiality, gaining consent, using non-verbal listening skills, reflecting, paraphrasing and good questions, and encouraging and equipping and action stages, all in one 15-minute conversation!

During the video, we encourage you to use paper and pen and write down the different skills you see being demonstrated at various points. Let us know in the discussion box, what you are observing.

This video is a good example of the type of video we want you to do for your assignment that is coming up – although it doesn’t have to be as long!

This video looks at Active Listening (all the skills we’ve learnt) and how together they work with our Empathy to help someone feel heard, understood, and safe. If you want to rewatch the video, you can find it in the link below. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

We have given you a worksheet to download that will help you look at the links between active listening and connection.

In this first session, we look at how far we’ve coming on the helping journey and how to begin to address the needs & concerns of the person in front of us. We discuss goal setting and how SMART goals can help us and others, as well as the steps of problem solving. These skills will stand us and those we work with in good stead when challenges arise.

To help you think about your own problem solving skills, we’ve given you a handout below.

As we move to the equipping and action phase with the people we are trying to help and provide support, it’s important that we are trying to model and equip others with skills that will help them in the future. This is particularly true for problem solving skills, which we discuss in this lesson. If you want to rewatch the video, you can find it using the external resource link. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

Knowing the steps and working through them are two different things. So, to help you practice these problems solving steps, we’ve given you a scenarios worksheet and ask you to apply the steps you’ve learnt to help the people in the scenario. Use the worksheet below and the handout on the steps in problem solving to help you pause and reflect on each scenario.

Working in any community means you need to know what resources are available to you for the work you are doing. This is known as community mapping and in this video lesson we explain a little more about the process of community making and get you thinking about the resources and organisations available to help you in your own community.

We watch a video about how to start seeking avenues of support. Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

You will also find a mind map below to help you start to map your own community.

Part of self-awareness is learning more about ourselves and bringing this into the light. In this video we ask you to consider how you solve problems, who holds you accountable as you attempt to overcome these challenges and what does it feel like when someone tries to fix things for you, instead of listening and supporting you as you solve the problem yourself.

We have included a self-reflection worksheet, so stop, pause and spend some time getting to know yourself. This will make you better able to empathize and support others when they seek your help for their own challenges.

This lesson focuses on what boundaries are, personal and professional boundaries and how to build healthy boundaries in relationships.

If you are interested in learning more about boundaries, we recommend you look at Boundaries by Cloud & Townsend.

If you are interested, you can also find more information on the following YouTube videos at the links below. What are Boundaries and How to set Boundaries.

This video focuses on understanding boundaries in the helping context and uses a case study to help make the concept of boundaries practical.

You can find your case study worksheet below.

Self-reflection on your own boundaries, where they come from, where you struggle and how you set and keep boundaries in your life is a vitally important part of helping others. This self-knowledge and the growth that comes with it ensures we are helping and not hurting those we work with.

You can download and complete the boundaries self-reflection worksheet below.

In the course of helping people, you may find that potentially sensitive topics come up, that can be hard to talk about, especially if these are unresolved issues in your own life. Discussions around rape, abuse, violence or addiction can be triggering for you if you have experience of these things and have not worked through your own difficulties. This video discusses how to have these challenging conversations.

In order to help you think about issues that might be triggering for you or which you might need to get help for, a self-reflection worksheet is included. Knowing yourself, your strengths and weaknesses and the issues that you may not yet be equipped to handle is an important part of getting ready to help people.

As we know, there are often times where we, as helpers, have to break confidentiality and get other professionals involved. These are the red flags you need to be aware of and they pertain specifically to issues that come up all too often:

· Abuse

· Suicide/Self Harm

· Mental Health Concerns

This video talks about how to recognize these red flags and what to do. Included for your information are samples of a resource list to refer to others, a Form 22 for reporting child abuse and sample cover letters to go with your reporting. These are all specific to South Africa, so if you’re watching from another jurisdiction, be sure you have all the correct forms, and referrals for your specific community and country.

These red flags are a lot to work through and the content can be quite heavy. To help you figure this all out, this video gives you a case study to reflect on and figure out a plan of how you might help this child in your own community. You can find the case study download below.

Managing conflict is an essential skill for those working with people. It is often why we are asked to help. This video explains the steps involved in helping two opposing parties deal with the conflict between them and work towards a solution. As always, your role is to be a neutral party, who walks this journey with them. We give you a handout infographic of the stops involved in managing conflict for reference going forward.

To manage conflict, you need to be comfortable with conflict and to do that, you need to spend time reflecting on conflict in your life and how you feel about it. This growing self-awareness is an important part of getting ready to counsel.

To help you on the way, we have given you a self-reflection worksheet below, to look at how you manage conflict and how you feel about it.

This video talks about how to end the counselling journey well, especially when you are playing more than one role in the child’s life. Summarizing the process is an important step in the Action stage and prepares you to check in about whether you’ve understood the client correctly. It ensures you are both on the same page regarding next steps. Termination skills are about ending a relationship well, acknowledging feelings and letting go.

As helpers, we need to be clear about the limitations of the service we can provide, and be aware of our own assumptions and personal issues which can interfere with our ability to listen well. This is what we discuss in this video – limits to confidentiality and to our scope and knowing when and where to refer when it’s needed.

This links to the community mapping exercise we did, as community mapping is in part how we develop our referral list.

You will need pen and paper to complete some of the activities in this lesson.

In this video, we focus on how to refer well, answering 2 specific questions:

• How do tell someone that you need to report or refer?

• How do you help them understand that this is for the best?

While we try to achieve these two things in our helping conversations, it's important to remember that our role is to empower and support the person, enabling them to use their own coping resources and solve their own problems. We can not take on that responsibility ourselves.

We suggest you have a pen and paper handy for this lesson as we will ask you to make notes and answer these two questions.

This video gives you the opportunity to see how an entire helping conversation, moving through Egan's entire process and all 6 stages of helping.

While you watch it, you might want to take notes, so have pen and paper ready. After, we encourage you to complete the worksheet reflecting on what you have observed.

Unfortunately, UDEMY practice standards will  not allow us to correctly reference the video on YouTube, but you can watch it using the external resources link provided.

Burnout is a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that is caused by prolonged stress. It is VERY common in helping professions, where we are so often driven to keep giving even when we have nothing left. This short video discusses the dangers of burnout and hopefully helps you recognise some of the signs so you can do something about it.

Self-care is the things we do to fill our emotional buckets so we can continue to do the work of helping others. In this video, we encourage you to develop a plan across various aspects of well-being that will help you take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

You will need paper and pen for these exercises. We have included the self-care strategies worksheet below.

A final chance for us to reflect on the journey we have been on and the stages of counselling as well as the skills we have learnt. We ask you to reflect on your own journey through this course, the things you have learnt, the changes you see and the areas you want to still develop.

To help you, there is a reflection worksheet below for you to complete.  All of this will help you as you prepare to complete the final assignment.

This course was really just giving you a foundation on which to build your helping skills. We want to encourage you to continue reading, connecting and being deliberate in your conversations as you continue this journey of learning to help and not hurt.

Please let us know if you have any questions about the course.