
Ruth Bebermeyer: Words Are Windows (or They’re Walls)
I feel so sentenced by your words
I feel so judged and sent away
Before I go I got to know
Is that what you mean to say?
Before I rise to my defense,
Before I speak in hurt or fear,
Before I build that wall of words,
Tell me, did I really hear?
Words are windows, or they’re walls,
They sentence us, or set us free.
When I speak and when I hear,
Let the love light shine through me.
There are things I need to say,
Things that mean so much to me,
If my words don’t make me clear,
Will you help me to be free?
If I seemed to put you down,
If you felt I didn’t care,
Try to listen through my words
To the feelings that we share.
— Ruth Bebermeyer
From Marshall B. Rosenberg, Phd: Non-Violent Communication:
A Language of Life, 3rd edition page 6, published by PuddleDancer Press
Phillip Britts
“There is a calling”
There is a calling in the ears of men –
A wind that whistles in the city street,
Calling them back, to long-forgotten ways,
Blowing the sands of havoc 'round their feet.
There is a vision in the eyes of men –
Of fair wide fields, where gleams the honest plough,
Guided by hands of brotherhood and peace,
Far other than the hands that guide it now.
There is a struggle in the hearts of men –
A groping of the lonely in the fight,
Urging them on a road but dimly seen,
Towards faint music and a distant light.
O may that music swell, that light increase,
And hearts be strengthened in the inward strife,
That men may hear, and see, and struggle on,
Seek a new world, and find a truer life.
1946
A.J. Christian:
If I had a new life
If I had a new life
I would listen to the one, who is silent.
If I had a new life
I would care for the one, who is talking
I would be quiet, when you start to talk
And I would just talk, when you don't speak.
If I had a new life
I would live the life dancing in my heart
If I had a new life
I would let go of the storm in my head,
And honestly show the emotions of mine
And to live yours I would not be ashamed.
If I had a new life
I would take what that life gives
If only had a new life
I would have the here and the now.
If I had a new life
I would do what I didn’t dare to
If I had a new life
I would forget what I want to do
Then wouldn't be ashamed to learn from you
And I wouldn’t preach for you
If I had a new life
I would never wait, I would act right away.
I wouldn’t worry about anything
I would take what that life gives
I would have the here and the now.
I wouldn't be worried about things
I would take what that life gives
I would have the here and the now.
If I would have a new life
I would take what the life gives
If only I would have a new life
I would have the here and now.
Translated by : Katalin Borbáth
Do you know how all communication start? You may have thought with words, but the answer is NO.
But then? Well, with gestures and body language of course. So, we can say, with non-verbal communication. It is good to think about it before we start to talk. According to researchers, we decide at the first 7 seconds when we meet someone, that we sympathized or not with the person.
This attitude is based on mostly the other person body language, non-verbal communication. So it is worth to test our capacity to read body language!
Fort the next test you should watch this video first.
Jim Eiland
Studying about that good ol' way
Between warm water of two green rivers,
jade land teemed with sweet scented fruit:
figs, dates, grapes, melons, & thick growth
greened sun in the garden where a mouth
smiled at bloodless sugar in a soft mouth.
The 2 pax kissed as lambs danced with lions.
Zazen croons the guard with flaming sword
to snore at the Tigris or Euphrates gate
& creaks us now to verdancy & honey smell.
Rifles, knives, bombs melt to vapor there.
From carbon-14's before ferns, leafy boughs
gospel us to unfold fists & reach out hands.
paxkissed = shared the kiss of peace (pax means peace)
Zazen = sitting meditation
Chapter Eighty-one
Words of truth are not pleasing.
Pleasing words are not truthful.
The wise one does not argue.
He who argues is not wise.
A wise man of Tao knows the subtle truth, And may not be learned.
A learned person is knowledgeable but may not know the subtle truth of Tao.
A saint does not possess and accumulate surplus for personal desire.
The more he helps others, the richer his life becomes.
The more he gives to others, the more he gets in return.
The Tao of Nature benefits and does not harm.
The Way of a saint is to act naturally without contention.
Lao Tzu:
Tao Te Ching
Chapter Eight
A person of great virtue is like the flowing water.
Water benefits all things and contends not with them.
It puts itself in a place that no one wishes to be and thus is closest to Tao.
A virtuous person is like water which adapts itself to the perfect place. His mind is like the deep water that is calm and peaceful.
His heart is kind like water that benefits all.
His words are sincere like the constant flow of water.
His governing is natural without desire which is like the softness of water that penetrates through hard rocks.
His work is of talent like the free flow of water. His movement is of right timing like water that flows smoothly.
A virtuous person never forces his way and hence will not make faults.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Good deeds leave no signs.
Good words leave no flaws.
Good scheme needs no deliberate plans.
A good lock uses no bolts, yet it cannot be opened.
A good knot uses no rope, yet it cannot be united.
Hence, a saint is always kind by saving other people and rejects no one.
He is always kind by saving all things and therefore nothing is being rejected.
This is the true enlightenment.
Thus, a kind person is the teacher of the unkind.
An unkind person is a lesson for the kind to learn.
He who does not value his teacher and dislikes the valuable lesson, although knowledgeable, is in fact greatly confused.
This is the fundamental essence.
NVC Christmas story
Last December I received an invitation to an NVC Christmas gathering. I was thinking about whether I want to go or not. I was tired, and when I imagined to go and meet people I hardly have known, I felt uncomfortable.
I had controversial feelings. In my process of decision making, I told myself: It has happened several times already
that I didn't really feel like going to an event, or that I felt too tired to go somewhere, but then I overcame these feelings, and I got richer with pleasant, happy new experiences. So, at last, I decided to go to the gathering. It was the right call to go since I really enjoyed the party, I had lots of fun, and I even received a gift. I won a newly developed NVC app on an NVC lottery game. This filled me with happiness, and I felt particularly grateful towards the universe, since for my effort of being active, and going against my bad feelings I was given inspiration, joy, and care.
When I was going home I thought about the night, and I realised that this was the reason I eventually went. This was exactly what I needed: inspiration, motivation, clarity of mind. I was looking for exactly these things. Since the questions, I asked myself were the following: what or, and how do I want to use NVC in my life.
My inner need towards inspiration was satisfied by the universe like I received an answer for a particular question, NVC App, yes, use it, you need the electronic version of NVC. I received confirmation about my precious plans, and with the newly received motivation, I started writing my e-learning course for non-violent communication.
The e-learning project is finished, I owe a lot to that NVC Christmas party, and to that NVC App.
Chapter Thirty-three
One who knows other people is wise.
One who knows himself is enlightened.
To overcome others is strong.
To overcome oneself is the will of power.
One who is contented is rich.
One who is determined has the strength of will.
Those who embrace their true nature shall long live.
He who is enlightened with the original nature,
Although dies physically, is eternally united with the everlasting Tao.
WHAT IS NON-VIOLENT COMMUNICATION?
In short, it's called NVC, this is a communication technique which is aimed at solving challenging interpersonal situations, arguments and other problems while preventing personal conflict.
The power of NVC
Imagine a life where the opposing views always reach consensus, where instead of fierce shouting we pay attention to each other, where the red fog of anger never obscures our vision, and where the common solution is winning our values. This is the world of nonviolent communication, and it is something that anyone can create. In this world you will experience how it feels, to be welcomed to the world of Peace.
Let’s start it together!
Recommended for learners if:
You would like to have standing-ground to recognize the factors that drive conflicts and you want to be able to deal with them in time, from a balanced emotional state. This technique can be used in business, at work and in private life as well, after all, who doesn’t want to live in peace and agreement instead of misunderstandings?
Moreover, it’s also recommended to those who are interested in their everyday relationships, those who want to communicate better, more accurately, more successfully, and who want to recognize the hidden messages of other people’s words, and in the meantime would like to get to know themselves a little better too…
Would you want to live a high quality and balanced life? Then create a pleasant, balanced, harmonious atmosphere around you! I'll show you how!
HOW CAN WE LEARN IT?
NVC method consists of four steps. We must go through these steps in our minds first then we have to use them in actual conversations to express ourselves towards others. Through these 4 steps, we can express ourselves, what is inside us.
CONSCIOUS COMMUNICATION
The key to living a balanced life is the pleasant, balanced, harmonious atmosphere that surrounds us day in and day out. This is the goal of NVC, to create win-win situations.
WHAT DOES NVC METHOD TEACH US?
Non-conviction
Compassion
Empathy
Awareness
Objective observation
Resolving conflicts
The harmony of subjective emotions and objective observations
Top level communication, the art of communication
How long does it take completing the NVC course?
Two weekend times. About 25-30 hours. But, for slower progression, it is possible to go on as long as you like. You can complete the course material anytime after your purchase.
Course material: What kind of material is there in the course?
The course contains various kinds of materials.
There are lectures, which helps you easily understand the basics of nonviolent communication. Some knowledge of the psychological background, on the 4 steps of the communication process divided into chapters.
We can find lots of teaching videos, and other kinds of videos to help us understand the holistic meaning of the non-violence thinking, communication and even life path.
Funny and exciting quizzes about us, our communication style, our way of being or not being aggressive as a person. A quiz about the small signs of the body language, we can test our ability to read body language.
There are NVC process practising tasks, and tasks which help us to practice self-reflection. These are the keys towards self-knowledge.
How will the use of NVC enriches our life?
Teaches us new knowledge of conflict solving
Helps develop new attitudes on relating to others in private and in professional life also
Gives new skills that are useful all walks of life
Enriches our communication toolkit
Deepens our self-reflection
Improves our capacity to lead more harmonious relationships
Testimonies
I liked the course, I saved some part of it for later, to re-read, digest, and take more time with it. Because the course content is rich and deep, well-edited so it's worth it to build it into my everyday life.
Ann S., psychologist, Budapest
I would like to thank the possibility, to have introspection into such a communicational technique that I would say everyone should have known.
It was great along the course that it is practical, there are great videos, and that after each lesson I could try what I’ve read in the lecture, as the theory and practise of NVC. The course makes me wonder, how difficult it is to communicate well in general and in conflict situations too, and how many details I should pay attention in me and in others too. As an educational expert, I think primary students should learn NVC, maybe even preschoolers also.
Brigitta B., Preschool teacher and PhD candidate, Budapest