Anger Management for Kids, & Bonus Parenting Anger Program

Your child will be learning to express anger. It is okay, even good, for your child to feel anger. The way he is expressing or what he does with the anger gets him into trouble. As a parent, it is not your job to make his/her life wonderful. Your job is to provide a safe place for him to experience his/her emotions. This program will assist you on creating that safe place. You are NOT a bad parent because your child feels anger.

Your workbook will give you tools to use the things you learn. For example:

ANGER FACTS

Anger is Normal. Anger is not a BAD emotion. Anger feelings can be controlled. Ignoring my anger is like blowing air into a balloon-it will explode.

Everyone is angry sometimes. What I DO with my anger is what gets me into trouble. I can activate my anger plan to cool down and keep my power.

First understand anger is not BAD. You are not BAD to feel angry. Everyone feels anger at one time or another. It is what we do with our Anger that gets us in trouble or not. First we need to notice when we are angry.

Finding someone else at fault for your anger and your expression will not only sabotage your changing behaviors, but it will give them power over your expression that is not truly theirs. Someone else cannot make you mad, only YOU can allow yourself to become angry. Take responsibility for your own behaviors and choices.

This is what you will learn; Anger is just an emotion it is what you do with it that gets you into trouble. The difference in aggression, passive behavior, and assertive behavior. How to keep your power and stay cool, while expressing your anger. Ways to sooth yourself and keep the anger level down. Ways to vent and express your anger. How to use their words to keep your power. How to fight fair to resolve issues. Some communication skills to express your needs. Communication skills to talk so they will listen, and listen so they will talk and more.

When you communicate assertively you increase the chance of getting your needs met without hurting anyone else or using force.

We talk and listen through our life filters. What one person says and intends to be heard may be totally different than the receiver hears. SO the reflective listening confirms if the message was heard in the way the speaker intended.Our life filters help or hinder our communication, both speaking and hearing. The speaker is NOT WRONG and the listener is NOT WRONG, there is NO WRONG, notice??

The Communication Guide is an excellent tool to talk to anyone, even your kids, your boss, your mother, your father, sister, well you get the idea.

YOUR Negative Self Talk:

Self-Talk for decreasing anger. Make a list of positive self-talk statements:

Example: *I don't need to be right. *I don't need to pretend I am not angry. *I can express myself and my emotions and still be loved. *I cannot control anything in the world EXCEPT myself. *Tomorrow this will not seem so troubling. *I have the right to be wrong. *I have the right to make mistakes. *I am feeling angry-this means something is happening I don't like. *Time for a time-out??

Self-statements and self-talk can sabotage your success in creating a healthy happy relationship for you.Remember the following thinking patterns. These thinking patterns probably will not serve you well.

Time out suggestions for Kids:

*You feel like you want a time out to cool down, or collect your thoughts-you say “I am beginning to feel I WANT a time out.” *You make an arrangement to come back and try again. For example “I will come back in ½ hour, or 10 minutes, or a minute, however long it takes for you to feel you can cool down. *You go to another part of the house, or for a walk, or to your room, some place that can be your space for a while. *You do something positive and constructive. Think about your self talk and try to find a way to cool off and keep your power. Use your self soothing tools. *At the time you agreed to return, return and try again. *Respect the other person is essential. If they do not want to talk about what you want to talk about now you will need to find a way to cool off and accept that they have rights too. *If when you return you is still not ready to discuss this issue. Make an appointment to do it later.

SELF TALK

Self talk is things I tell myself. Check these out and see if any of these are your self talk. If they are, they are negative self talk and are not helping you.

*If I don't win all the time *I am a looser *I am so ugly *I am stupid *Nobody likes me *Nobody cares about me *I look weird *I have to be first *Everyone is smarter than me *No one wants to play with me *I can not do anything right *My parents like my brother/sister better

Let's try to change the self talk to some positive self talk. This new self talk will be more realistic. That means we will do a “reality check” now and then-okay. Reality check means we look at the real true.

Getting Physical

Doing something to calm your angry feelings before they build to an explosion is a healthy way to “manage” your angry. Using words and sounds helps. Let's talk about doing something physical to help lower your stress level and decrease angry feelings. This class includes self-soothing ideas to consider.

Fighting can be a way of communication and a way of resolving problems, if it is done fairly.

1. Identify the problem.
2. Focus on the problem.
3. Attack the problem.
4. Listen with an open mind.
5. Treat the other person with respect.
6. This is the hard one….take responsibility for your own actions.

How to deal with bullying and teasing are included in this class. Using your words and keeping your power. Anyone can loose it and go off, it takes control and power to use your words instead.

Here is your self talk to practice.

*I am okay…no matter what…I really am OKAY

*I can suck at something and still enjoy trying

*I can win and love it

and l can loose and love it too

*I can be me, look like me, walk like me, talk like me And be ME all wonderful me

*I can be different from everyone else I know and that is okay

This is what you will learn; Anger is just an emotion it is what you do with it that gets you into trouble. The difference in aggression, passive behavior, and assertive behavior. How to keep your power and stay cool, while expressing your anger. Ways to sooth yourself and keep the anger level down. Ways to vent and express your anger. How to use their words to keep your power. How to fight fair to resolve issues. Some communication skills to express your needs. Communication skills to talk so they will listen, and listen so they will talk and more.

TOKEN ECONOMY

This system is used for positive reinforcement. The child learns to monitor themselves and the bad behavior become the “bad” guy instead of you. The child can be caught being good and replace points. The most important message for the parent is YOU GET WHAT YOU NOTICE. Keep the system simple at first. Be consistent. Let the child have input on what points to take away for what behaviors and also for the good behavior adding points. They will probably be harder on themselves than you would be.

I am suggesting a no-violence month to start. Again anger is learned and if you want your child's behaviors to change the input and influence of violent TV, games, movies, and play need to be monitored. I would suggest all violence and aggressive forms of games (including, but not limited to, paint ball, guns, attack, or war type) be eliminated completely. Violent movies and television need to be avoided. The computer use needs to be monitored closely. Watch what your kids watch, this makes you an informed parent.

Anger Management for Healthy Expression PARENTS WORKBOOK

This workbook will have the information your child has in their workbook (italics) and added adult anger information. Example:

Kids: *Anger is not a BAD emotion. *Anger feelings can be controlled. *Ignoring my anger is like blowing air into a balloon-it will explode. *Everyone is angry sometimes. *What I DO with my anger is what gets me into trouble. *I can activate my anger plan to cool down and keep my power.

First understand anger is not BAD. You are not BAD to feel angry. Everyone feels anger at one time or another. It is what we do with our Anger that gets us in trouble or not. First we need to notice when we are angry.