7 powerful parenting tools to manage tantrums & meltdowns

Apply the left brain–right brain framework to calm tantrums and foster a whole-brain child, using Ben Siegel's connect and redirect: connect to the right brain, then redirect with the left.

Connect with your child by acknowledging emotions in a nonjudgmental, emotion-focused language, using a calm tone, eye-level eye contact, gentle touch, and questions about their feelings.

Redirect your child from the emotional right brain to the logical left brain, guiding problem solving and learning. Use reflection, redo, and learning questions to shape healthy beliefs and behavior.

Use tool #1 to connect with your child during big emotional waves, see the situation through their eyes, and then redirect to handle tantrums, yelling, and rude or aggressive behavior.

Practice 'feel the feeling' to let emotions dissipate or guide action; talk about what to do, interpreting feelings as signals for boundaries and needs, as shown in a family story.

Use tool #2 to help your child cooperate under time pressure, while learning that not every emotion requires action, and stay cool by feeling the moment and choosing a response.

Use the feeling-ometer to help kids identify emotion size (small, medium, big) and regulate behavior during tantrums and meltdowns by choosing talking voice over fighting words.

Use tool #3 to start conversations about your child's feelings by asking how big is your feeling, clarifying hunger, fear, happiness, or anger, and gauge emotion intensity to prevent meltdowns.

Apply the very important to you communication strategy to bridge your norm mindset with your child's learning mindset, as shown in a supermarket story.

Use tool #4 to validate your child’s perspective, set clear boundaries, and encourage safe independence, turning tantrums and meltdowns into opportunities for confidence and mutual understanding.

Teach children to use the talking hand to request items back politely and assertively, with a pointed gesture and 'please,' while reinforcing consistency for lasting impact.

Use tool #5 to address grabbing and losing items, helping shy children assert themselves and teaching bossy kids to respond without force through talking hands and a serious, kind boundary.

learn tool #6 helping words to replace fighting words and foster mindful communication. discover prompts, energy of words, and reflection questions to guide anger into constructive dialogue.

Learn to read your child's behavior as a message, not a punishment. Use tool #6 to validate emotions, explain why words like 'hate' hurt, and seek connection.

Learn tool 7: three types of voices and faces to help kids stay calm while angry and assertive, emphasizing words (10%), tone (30%), and body language (60%).

Tell, do not yell by replacing shouting with the talking voice, cultivating patience and awareness, and guiding kids to pause and use calm speech during play conflicts.

Teach children to assert themselves with a serious voice and face, escalating from polite requests to a temporary suspension and firm boundaries to stop pinching.

Use tool #7 with a serious voice and fighting face, along with helping words and talking hands, to manage tantrums and help your child stand up for themselves during aggression.