6 Lessons in Self-Love

You have probably heard this term and if you are in my circle, you definitely have heard it.

Filling your cup refers to giving yourself time and energy to ensure that you do not burn out.

Filling your cup looks different to everyone as it is what makes you come alive, feel grounded and whole.

When the air hostess says to put your oxygen mask on first, this is the same principal as filling your cup.

You cannot be there for others, if you are not taking care of yourself.

How you fill your cup is different for everyone, because everyone finds joy in different avenues.

What are some of the things that light you up, make your heart sing or put a spring in your step?

These are the things you need to do more of to fill your cup.

These activities serve little purpose but to bring joy.

We don’t get paid for them, we don’t get applause or a certificate of achievement.

They add sparkle to our daily grind, glitter to the monotonous and fill your cup to the brim.

Homework

Write a list of things you love doing.

I want you to put it pride of place on your refrigerator.

Anytime you are feeling lost or depleted, chose an activity from your list to top you up.

Need some ideas?

Go for a walk, draw, run a bubble bath, listen to music or a podcast, meditate, yoga, colour in, call a friend, do a crossword.

We will use this list again later in the program.

Do you get any time during the day to yourself?

As our lives become increasingly busy, we can find it hard to even think there could possibly be a sliver of time to be by ourselves.

Every room you walk into requires your attention, dishes, laundry, toys, bills to pay, the constant mum, mum, mum… It can be relentless. (TBH ~ I haven’t been to the toilet without an audience since 2004).

Mornings are a great time of day to sneak some time for ourselves.

Waking up before the rest of the house, coffee, tea or cacao in hand, you have time to seize your day.

The house is eerily quiet before everyone else wakes up, your mind can focus on one thing at a time and you can plan for the day ahead.

My challenge for you this week is to wake 15minutes earlier than usual, 30 minutes if you are feeling it.

Set an alarm, and do not press SNOOZE.

If you are not usually a morning person this can be a big push. Bribe yourself. Yes, Bribe yourself.

Is there a special little coffee spot you can treat yourself to on your way to work? A florist, bakery, anything fresh and delicious that you can reward your 'early bird' self with.

This can be a daily reward or a weekly reward, depending on the level of motivation required.

Wake early each morning for an entire month. Track how much you've been able to accomplish in your early mornings.

Write down all the things you got done, that would've still be sitting on your to do list.

I'm a list maker. If I don’t have a grocery list I forget what I needed and come home with a 6 person tent from Aldi's special buys.

Adulting comes with a tonne of little demands. Jobs that niggle at us and make us live in our heads.

We stop enjoying the little moments as we are too busy thinking about all the things that require our attention.

It’s exhausting.

These little jobs have been taking up too much real estate in your brain, space you need for filling your cup.

Whenever I feel like I am living in too much in my head, I grab paper and pen and write it all down.

The demands always seem way less when I write them down. Seeing what needs attention is a huge relief and I can prioritise tasks.

A little bit on clutter Clutter and living in a disorganised environment can have four major psychological effects on us.

1) Stress and raised cortisol levels

2) Feelings of shame and inadequacy

3) Distraction, anxiety and overwhelm

4) Reduced quality of sleep

All of these feeling deplete your cup and have you heading for burn out.

Stress is a major factor in most lifestyle diseases.

I suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) and stress is a major contributor. Stress comes at us from the environment, food and our thoughts and feelings.

Raised cortisol levels reap havoc on our adrenal system, keeping you in flight or fight mode.

Homework

This weeks task is to walk through your house and write down all the jobs that need your attention.

Are there any appointments to make, paperwork to file, bills to pay.

Use this exercise as a massive brain dump.

How long has it been since the kids went to the dentist?

Has the dog been wormed?

What is in that box under the hallway sideboard?

Do the kids still fit into their swimmers/jackets?

Now you have your list, choose one thing and cross it off straight away. This is how we build momentum, start with the smaller, quickly achievable tasks and build up to the larger ones.

If one of the larger jobs is clearing out the garage, break it into smaller chunks. Section the garage and work on one section at a time.

This is a great tactic to use with the kids and their bedrooms too.

Put on some music and get the family involved. Give the kids specific jobs, break theirs down even smaller so they achieve success before you lose your patience and they ask for screen time.

Have items on your list that need to be done by a specific date?

Write them into a calendar and keep track of how you are progressing to ensure you make the deadline.

This list is a fluid list, it will shrink and grow as the demands of life present themselves.

We all get caught up on the pressures of life and don’t take the time to be grateful for all that we have.

There is always the next thing to be thriving for, the bigger house, the nicer car, the promotion, the holiday you have been saving for, what about right now?

Gratitude has been one of the best practices I have incorporated into my life. It gives me clarity on where I am right now.

I talk a lot about being in your head, stuck in my thoughts, and gratitude is a great way to bring me back.

‘Whoever has gratitude will be given more, and he or she will have abundance. Whoever does not have gratitude, even what he or she has will be taken from him or her.’

Newtown’s universal law ~ Every action has an opposite and equal reaction. In this case ~ Give gratitude and receive abundance.

Notice how some people seem to get a raw deal in life. How do you know they are getting a raw deal?

Because they complain to everyone who will listen. They are so busy focusing on the negative in their lives that they attract more. The cycle of bad luck continues as they are putting the thoughts out into the universe.

The reverse is true too. Let the universe know who grateful you are and abundance comes your way.

On following weeks we will go more into the law of attraction and the universe, first stop is gratitude. 

Homework

Start each day by focusing on the positive. I got caught up in this when I first started and ended up writing the same thing every day, just ticking that gratitude box off my do to list.

Write down five things you are grateful for. Even on days when you feel you couldn’t possibly be grateful for anything, dig deep and see how it turns your day around.

Ideas

Something you are looking forward to?

A simple pleasure you are grateful for?

A place you have travelled too?

Look out the window, what’s out there that you’re grateful for?

What is an accomplishment you are proud of?

What have you been given that you are grateful for?

What artist, author or musician are you grateful for?

What do you like about your job?

A friend that you are grateful for?

A teacher or mentor you are grateful for?

A family member you are grateful for?

What did you accomplish today?

When I first heard of Mindfulness, I went all in and went to a bunch of workshops to learn what it was all about.

Every workshop was the same, lay on the ground, deep breaths, listening to someone telling me what part of the body I should be focusing on.

The entire time I was fidgeting, my mind wanted to be anywhere but on the floor breathing.

I have since come to understand that mindfulness, is about being present.

No matter where we are, what we are doing, we are paying attention in the moment, being fully engaged.

All the skills in this self-love program are acts in mindfulness and going about your daily life with intention.

Turning off the auto-pilot and starting to live your best life.

A great way to get yourself into a mindful state, is by taking a big deep breath.

This is also a great practice for when you are experiencing drama or conflict.

By taking a deep breath you give yourself time to reset and can respond to the situation instead of reacting and making the situation worse.

Being mindful won’t reduce your stress but it will allow you to react calmly.

This does not mean you will not angry and upset, but you will be able to respond more rationally.

Mindfulness becomes a way of living.

Whenever you are feeling on autopilot or caught in your thoughts, you can bring yourself back by being mindful.

My favourite mindfulness activity has been incorporating a loafer and body wash to my shower routine. The scent of the body wash teamed with scratchy lathering of the loafer is a great way to zone in and really shower myself with love and care.

I also now put my phone away when I am waiting in a queue. Instead of scrolling, I resist the urge and I take in the sights and sounds. People watching lights me up so why not do two of my self-love strategies at once.

Homework

This week I want out chose one activity where you can practice being mindful.

The shower, brushing our teeth, eating breakfast, washing the dishes, hanging the laundry on the line.

It does need to be something that takes a long time. Short bursts of mindfulness throughout the day is perfect.

Whatever you chose, I want you to really hone in on the sights, smells, tastes, sounds and feel of the activity.

We will be using this technique next week too.

Have you heard about the law of attraction?

I briefly mentioned it in week four and this week we are going to dive in deep.

The law of attraction is a universal law in what you put in you will get out.

Our thoughts and actions lead us to what we want and desire, manifesting what we want into fruition.

It’s a little woo woo and I generally only step into the realm of woo, but hear me out.

It’s the power of our thoughts turning into reality.

With this much power in the universe we need to make sure we are telling it what we really want.

For instance, if I told my husband I wanted a dress, do you think he would come home with the dress I was imagining? I highly doubt it. It would quite possibly be the wrong colour, wrong size and wrong style.

Same with the universe.

We can’t tell the universe we want to be happy, happy looks different for everyone. We need to be specific with what we want.

This is why this week we are creating our dream life.

We will use the things we love doing as a spring board into writing our dream life.

You need to grab the list from the refrigerator and get ready to be specific with the universe.

This is a big chunk of homework and you may want to break it down over the week.

Maybe even write a draft and come back to it to add more detail and definition as you start visualising your dream life.

Homework

Grab a pen, paper and you list of things you love to do. We are going to write about our dream life.

As you answer these questions I want you to visualise your dream life, make sure the universe knows the specifics.

Where do you live?

What is the best thing about this location?

What does your accommodation look like? Colour scheme, style, size, must haves.

How does your home make you feel?

Have you been travelling? Where did you go? What did you do? Who went with you? What was the highlight of the trip?

How do you fill your cup?

What rituals do you have in place to look after your beautiful body? Walks on the beach, yoga, great sex?

What do you do for money?

Who do you surround yourself with?

How do you feel being yourself and being completely celebrated and loved for being you?

I had looked high and low for an activity book to be included at one of my events.

Then it hit me, "why don't I design one?"

It was a HUGE success and is absolutely amazing.

30 activities in a neat A5 booklet. Every activity has been designed to take 20 minutes or less.