10 Ways to Feel and Look More Confident

The Comfort Zone is the zone in which you feel secure, safe, in control and comfortable. These are the things you have no fear of doing. The Comfort Zone is a beautiful place however nothing ever grows there. In order to grow as a person you have to take a step outside your comfort zone into your courage zone. The courage zone can be a scary place and you may feel insecure, unsafe, out of control and uncombable. However when you repeatedly do things in the courage zone your confidence increases and eventually the fear disappears and what may have been in your courage zone moves into you comfort zone. Therefore your comfort zone expands and this is how real growth happens.

• I want you to picture yourself in a scenario that really scares you when it comes to speaking for example: Standing on stage in front of your whole school delivering a speech

• Now I want you to write down a list of the worst things that could happen in that scenario

• I will give you one example: "Everyone will laugh at me"

• Pause the video and write as many things as you can, when you can't think of anymore unpause the video

• Great, now I want you to look down your list and ask yourself, can any of the things I have written down cause me any actual physical harm?

• The answer is most likely 'No', other than tripping over on stage, which is very unlikely, there is no physical harm that can come to you by speaking

• Therefore the fear we feel is really unjustified

• We are now going to do the exercise again, however, this time I want you to ask yourself what the best things are that could happen

• Again I will give you one example: "I will feel proud of myself"

• Pause the video and write as many things as you can, when you can't think of anymore unpause the video

• I'm sure you've written down quite a few things on what the best that can happen

• Also this time the things you've written down are probably more likely to happen

• As you look down the list you will also realise that you have far more to fear if you let the fear of speaking hold you back

• Communication is essential part of you life whether it be building stronger, long lasting relationships, socialising with friends or expressing you thoughts, feelings and ideas to others

• You are all amazing and in order to show the world all that you have to offer it is important that you learn to become great confident, communicators

Practice makes perfect, so find as many opportunities to practice public speaking

Start by practicing in environments you feel comfortable

• Step 1: Practice with people you feel most comfortable and that you know will support you and not judge you

• Step 2: Practice in front of people that you know you are very unlikely to meet often e.g. you could ask your parents if you can order the food at a restaurant

• Step 3: Practice in environments you would normally feel uncomfortable e.g. begin to practice in front of larger groups of people, raise your hand to answer questions in school, ask you teacher if you can do a presentation in front of the class

Practice through games

• Games are a great way to help develop communication skills. When playing games you are more likely to feel relaxed, creating an environment where you feel that you can express yourself

• Example of games that help with communication skills

• Scrabble Junior: Helps with Vocabulary and Writing & Reading Skills

• Pictionary: Helps with Visual Communication and Creative Thinking

• Charades: Helps you learn how to use Body Language

• 5 Second Rule: Helps with Impromptu Speaking Skills

• Articulate: Helps you expand your Vocabulary and use of Descriptive Language

Let's play one of those games now.

• Play 5 Second Rule

Taking a step outside our comfort zone can be scary, when faced with the fear we often make the decision to either FIGHT our fear and take that step or we completely FREEZE and do nothing or we make the decision to FLIGHT and run away. This decision is made within 5 seconds (1,2,3,4,5), most often we FREEZE or FLIGHT. However you can override this natural response by counting backwards 5-4-3-2-1 and taking a small step forwards. This sends a signal to the brain informing it you have decided to take action and FIGHT your fear.

Bad posture: Head down, shoulders forwards, arched back = Unconfident

Good posture: Head up, shoulders back, straight back = Confident

Bad posture also compresses the lungs reducing oxygen by up to 30% meaning less oxygen the brain. Therefore good posture also help brain functionality

• Self-talk is basically your inner voice, the voice in your mind that says the things you don’t necessarily say out loud. We often don’t even realise that this running commentary is going on in the background

• The way you talk to yourself can really impact your confidence. The effect can be good or bad depending on whether your self-talk is positive or negative

• People that lack confidence often use negative self-talk "I can't do it", "I'm not good enough", "I'm too scared", "Its too hard"

• However we can learn to positively self-talk to ourselves using a technique known as affirmations.

• Affirmations are a list of positive statements about yourself that you repeat daily for example "I am brave", "I am confident" etc.

• I want you to pause the video and write down a list of affirmations of your own, when you have finished unpause the video

• Great, now I want you to read out loud your affirmations. Doesn't that feel great? And don't you already feel a little more confident?. I want you to place your affirmations list by your bed and each morning when you wake up I want you to read your affirmations out

• This exercise will help you begin to feel more confident and naturally start to use positively self-talk

• Another technique you can use making a change to your vocabulary so that you use more positive words e.g. Instead of saying "I can't do it", you could say "I can't do it, yet" or "How can I do it". This changes your mindset from one that gives up to one that puts in effort and finds solutions so that you can do it. 

Reframing is a technique used to change how situations, experiences, events, ideas and even emotions are viewed.

Many of us view speaking in front of others either in a one-to-one situation, in front of a group of people or on stage as very daunting. Our reaction is to begin to become nervous we may experience one or more of the following, sweating, heavy breathing, increased heart rate, feeling tense and difficultly thinking of what to say.

We often frame these reactions as a sign that we are in danger and view speaking in public as something that we should fear. However we can reframe how feel when we have to speak in public.

Next time you have to speak in public and begin to experience any of the above reactions i.e. sweating, heavy breathing etc, say to yourself these reactions do not relate to fear they are a sign that I am excited. I am excited because I am going to make a new friend, connect with a group of people or inspire someone with my story.

Eventually you will reprogram your mind in particular your sub-concious mind so you begin to naturally become excited when you have to speak in public.

Visualisation is the process of picturing an outcome in your mind before it has happened. Example picturing yourself getting on stage and performing in front of a large audience or winning a trophy at a sports event.

There are many successful people that have quoted using visualisation and it playing a major part in their success.

Examples include:

Micheal Phelps, the most successful and most decorated Olympian of all time. Months before a swimming race Micheal visualises himself winning, he imagines the smell of the air, the taste of the water, the sounds of the crowd, seeing himself getting a gold medal.

Micheal Jordan, regarded by many as the greatest NBA player of all-time, stated he began practicing visualisation and imagining himself making a game-winning shot well before he stepped on the basketball court. He said that it fuelled his confidence, drive and belief in himself.

The list goes on, Oprah Winfrey, Will Smith, Jay Z, Idris Elba, Jim Carrey have all quoted visualisation as something that has played a major part in their success.

Let's try doing a visualisation exercise right now.

Firstly I want you to close your eyes and relax your body and mind. Let's imagine that you have been asked to speak on stage in front of thousands of people. I want to imagine yourself backstage, you are introduced to the stage by the event host. When the audience hears your name imagine the sound of the audience clapping with excitement as they await for you to walk on stage. Imagine you beginning that walk, adrenalin pumping through your body and you feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement. Imagine you walking onto the stage and seeing so many faces all smiling and happy to see you. Feel everyones anticipation waiting to be inspired by your words. There is silence as everyone listens intently to your every word, you can feel a sense of connection between yourself and every single member of the audience. Every part of your body feels energised. As you end your speech the whole crowd raise to their feet and give you a standing ovation. You smile and feel very proud of yourself you have shared an idea that could potentially change the lives of thousands of people forever. 

How did that feel, did it feel real? What do you want too achieve? Visualise it in detail, use your five senses to make it even more real. What can you see, what can you hear, what can you smell, how do you feel and what can you taste?

Remember visualisation isn't magic, it is not the practice of wishing something will happen and then sitting back and doing nothing. Visualisation gives you clarity, confidence and the drive to put in the work to achieve success. 

When we smile we release hormones into our bodies known as endorphins, this hormone helps calm the nerves. Also when you smile you not only relax but you also help others relax, as the saying goes smiling is contagious.