Man Up: The Ultimate Assertiveness Coaching Programme
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Man Up: The Ultimate Assertiveness Coaching Programme

Everything you need to know about building strong inner confidence and genuine assertiveness in all situations.
Best Seller
4.5 (122 ratings)
Instead of using a simple lifetime average, Udemy calculates a course's star rating by considering a number of different factors such as the number of ratings, the age of ratings, and the likelihood of fraudulent ratings.
5,082 students enrolled
Created by Kain Ramsay
Last updated 11/2016
English [Auto-generated]
Current price: $19 Original price: $115 Discount: 83% off
30-Day Money-Back Guarantee
  • 5.5 hours on-demand video
  • 37 Supplemental Resources
  • Full lifetime access
  • Access on mobile and TV
  • Certificate of Completion
What Will I Learn?
  • Understand how Assertiveness differs from Aggression and Passiveness.
  • Communicate Your Requests, Needs and Preferences to Others, Assertively.
  • Identify Ways to Balance the Level of Assertiveness You Use in Everyday Life.
  • Conduct Yourself With Deeper Confidence Throughout Your Full Range of Life Areas.
  • Know Your Current Level of Assertiveness and Recognise What Improvements are Needed.
  • Define the Goals You Want to Fulfil and Know How Assertiveness Can Help You Achieve Them.
  • Become More Assertive With People Who You May Previously Have Felt Intimidated By.
  • Interact With Other People in a Way That Demonstrates Genuine Confidence and Self Esteem.
  • Improve the Depth and Quality of Your Intimate, Social and Professional Relationships.
View Curriculum
  • Although it is not a necessary requirement that you take notes in this course, it will be useful for you to have a notebook or pen and parer at hand to note down your main learnings.
  • This course will introduce practical tips and techniques to help develop your confidence and self-esteem. Upon completion, you will be able to share your experience with others, learn more about your individual communication style and that of others to help you deal with and reduce conflict.
  • It is important to recognise that assertiveness is a learned behaviour and so, to be successful, it requires practice. It is also important to acknowledge that assertiveness does not mean always getting what one wants, and that there might be a need for compromise. One person’s rights should not be protected at the expense of those of another.
  • This course is delivered in an approachable style which provides practical solutions to a range of universal problems.

No matter how successful we are, we all face challenging and hard-to-handle situations in daily life, and if we want to navigate our way through these challenges as effectively as possible, it’s imperative that we learn how to assert ourselves.

Assertiveness is a common trait that is popularly sought after by many, however genuine assertiveness can easily be confused with aggression by those who are more passively inclined. Assertiveness make our voices heard and enables us to approach life with robust confidence and self-assurance.

This course has been designed as a roadmap that’ll guide you on a journey of self-discovery towards transforming your assertiveness, your social confidence and the quality of your communications and social interactions with others.

By the end of this course you'll be able to:

  • Have The Confidence To Say 'NO' To Things You Need To Say 'NO' To.
  • Have The Confidence To Say 'YES' To Things You Need To Say 'YES' To.
  • Make Assertive Requests to Other People With Greater Confidence & Ease.
  • Handle Confrontation and Challenges with Greater Confidence & Assertiveness.
  • Recognise the Difference Between Aggressive, Passive & Assertive Behaviours.
  • Reduce The Amount of Time You Spend Procrastinating Over Making Decisions.
  • Set Strong Relationship Boundaries & Manage Other People's Unfair Expectations.

'Man Up: The Ultimate Assertiveness Coaching Programme' will expose you to a range of fascinatingly life changing ideas, that can be actioned immediately, which will build up your confidence, add rocket fuel your self-esteem and develop and develop within you, an proactive outlook on life.

You'll learn to make strong requests of others, say NO to any unreasonable demands that people make of you, set healthier relationship boundaries, manage peoples expectations of you and overcome any unhelpful habits such as procrastination or indecisiveness.

Upon completion of the course, you'll see how the quality of your daily life, is always determined by the quality of decisions you make. So, enrol today and access a framework that’ll enable you to get more of what you want, say more of what you want to say, and earn greater trust, admiration and respect of those other people in your life.

This course comes with a Full Money Back Guarantee. So enrol today, and if you're less that fully satisfied, you can get a full refund within 30 days of purchase.

Who is the target audience?
  • ENTREPRENEURS: Those who are committed to building a business or ministry without sacrificing their health, values and relationships.
  • CEO'S AND MANAGERS: Men and women who want to succeed professionally, and maximise both their productivity and personal effectiveness.
  • STUDENTS: Including graduates and even young professionals who want to develop strong assertiveness before making their mark in the world.
  • MUMS AND DADS: Parents who are exhausted by unruly children/teenagers and need to get back in the driving seat.
  • HELPING SPECIALISTS: This course can be used as a practical tool for helping professionals, such as therapists, counselors, psychologists, teachers, and social group leaders.
  • ANYONE: Men and women who need a perspective of what's important, to stay on track and remain faithful to their values and priorities.
Curriculum For This Course
37 Lectures
Introducing Absolute Assertiveness
4 Lectures 14:12

People who are able to express themselves assertively are generally more likely to find greater fulfilment in their workplace, and also throughout the various areas of their social and personal lives.

Because assertive people aren’t afraid to ask for the things that they really want.

Being assertive doesn’t just allow us to build more successful and meaningful relationships, but it also allows us to reach our goals, it allows us to increase our value and support other people in the most influential way.

You see, assertiveness has nothing to do with personality, it’s got nothing to do with scoring points, winning at the cost of others, and it’s definitely got nothing to do with manipulating others just to simply get what we want.

Assertiveness is actually more about personal authenticity, transparency, being open and honest with others at all times. It’s about listening more effectively, and as a result of this, being able to make wiser, and more well informed decisions.

Because if we’re talking about assertiveness, what we’re really talking about here is our degree of self discipline – and whether we’ve finally had enough of being controlled, manipulated or negatively impacted by the destructive attitudes, actions and attitudes of other people. You see, Assertiveness is about breaking free from ALL fear, the thorn in your side that holds you back from being the best and the most effective version of yourself.

So, if by now you’re officially intrigued, throughout this course I’m going to share with you an approach to life that allows me to get things done, and that also allows other people to always know where they stand with me – even if they don’t like what they find.

Because what I’m going to teach you, is how to break free from the concerns of what other people think, because once this has happened, you’ll be completely free to simply get yourself out there and assertively be yourself, to start making a far greater degree of progress throughout your personal, your professional and all other areas of your life.

So without further, join me on this journey today and discover what it takes to develop absolute assertiveness.

Preview 03:07

Being assertive doesn’t just allow us to build more successful and meaningful relationships, but it also allows us to reach our goals, it allows us to increase our value and support other people in the most influential way.

You see, assertiveness has nothing to do with personality, it’s got nothing to do with scoring points, winning at the cost of others, and it’s definitely got nothing to do with manipulating others just to simply get what we want.

Assertiveness is actually more about personal authenticity, transparency, being open and honest with others at all times. It’s about listening more effectively, and as a result of this, being able to make wiser, and more well informed decisions.

Preview 03:41

Many people are concerned that if they begin to assert themselves genuinely, other people might view their behaviour or attitude as being aggressive.

It's important to remember that there is a huge between being assertive and being aggressive.

Assertive people state their opinions, while still being respectful of others. Aggressive people often disregard other people's opinions in favour of their own. Passive people will very rarely communicate their views at all.

Preview 07:24

Did you know that your ability to be assertive, or to stand up for your rights, can massively contribute to your emotional well-being?

Many people do not fully understand what Absolute Assertiveness is. And many people find that they are assertive in some situations, but not in others. This quiz will help you determine just how assertive you are and at the same time show you what assertive responses look like.

1) First, write down numbers from 1 to 10 on a piece of paper.

2) Second, depending on your choice in each question, write a, b, or c after each number.

3) Third, after answering all of the questions, refer to the SCORE INTERPRETATION SHEET in the next lecture.

How Assertive Are You?
10 questions


In general, there are three broad styles of interpersonal behavior. These are: a) Passive, b) Aggressive, and c) Assertive.

a) The Passive style of interpersonal behaviour is characterised by inaction. People utilizing this style tend to be easy to get along with and pleasant, but unwilling to stand up for their rights, for fear of offending others.

They are very uncomfortable expressing anger and usually deny or suppress this feeling should it occur. As a result, resentment can easily build under the surface producing stress and tension. In time, these people learn to fear close relationships because they have no way to protect themselves from the petty annoyances and inadvertent intrusions that occur in most relationships.

The "a" choices in the quiz are representative of the Passive style. Thus, the more "a" choices you made, the more passive you are. Six or more "a" choices suggest you are probably passive in your interpersonal behavior.

b) The Aggressive style is characterised by intrusiveness. People who utilize this style tend to go after what they want, but are unconcerned about how this will affect others. Their angry, dominating manner tends to alienate people who, in time, may seek to oppose them. Aggressive individuals are usually suspicious of others and are often on the look out for infractions or violations of their rights. Thus, the Aggressive style produces stress and prohibits the development of close, trusting, and caring interpersonal relationships.

The "b" choices in the quiz are representative of the Aggressive style. Thus, the more "b" choices you made, the more aggressive you are. Six or more "b" choices indicate you are most likely aggressive in your interpersonal behavior.

c) The Assertive style is characterised by both fairness and strength. Assertive individuals are able to stand up for their rights, but remain sensitive to the rights of others. People who choose this style are usually relaxed and easy going, but are honest about their feelings. This is the best style for minimizing stress and maintaining long-standing intimate relationships.

The "c" choices in the quiz are representative of the Assertive style. Thus, the more "c" choices you made, the more assertive you are. Six or more "c" choices suggest you are probably assertive.

Look at the "c" answers again. If you move your everyday behavior closer to the "c" style of response, you will likely experience an increase in feelings of self-esteem and a decrease in feelings of stress.

There are always exceptions, however, as common sense would indicate. Some situations do call for more aggressive reactions and others are better handled using a more passive approach.

Quiz Results Interpretation Sheet
2 pages
Understanding Assertiveness
7 Lectures 01:00:58

Insecurity is the belief that, deep down, you are simply not good enough.

Insecurity results from how you view yourself in comparison to others. Often, people are ostracised for a certain personality of behavioural trait, which when left unaddressed will develop into deep rooted insecurity.

The Root of All Insecurity

It's common knowledge that nothing happens in isolation. Every event can be traced to one or more events which preceded it and caused it.

We ask: "How did this happen?" "What caused this?" "Where did this come from?" "When did it start?" Or, more incisively, "Why did this happen?"

When we try to trace the event to its cause, or causes, we find that we never seem to reach a stopping point. The cause of the event was itself caused by a prior cause, which was affected by a previous cause, and so on back.

Police investigators on an accident scene, for instance, use the principles of cause and effect every day to determine who was ultimately responsible and how it happened.

Eventually, we must face the question of the original cause - and the uncaused 'First Cause'.

How Every Effect has a Cause

Before considering how to increase your assertiveness, it's useful to know how assertiveness is the middle ground between aggressiveness (trying to dominate others) and passiveness (letting yourself to be dominated).

There are three common elements of genuine assertiveness.

  • Self-Worth
  • An Accurate Evaluation of Others
  • Understanding Your Behaviour in Context

The first element is to have a healthy sense of self-worth. The degree to which you believe you are of value in the world is the degree to which you will believe that your core needs are important.

The second element is an accurate evaluation of other people. Not the Net worth, or materialistic worth, but the truth that every human being has value (even if they don’t fully understand this). Worth is not dependent on appearance, behaviour, or achievement. It is based simply on a persons willingness to share of themselves with others.

The third element of assertiveness is the ability to understand your behaviour in context.

Once we can see beyond the immediacy of behaviour, both the behaviour of others and the behaviours of ourselves, we will be able to see the true and intended purpose behaving every human behaviour. People don’t always do the things that they do for the reasons that we’d often be inclined to believe that they do them. All of us are capable on delivering unfair judgment: on ourselves, and towards others.

The first two elements of assertiveness, self-worth and the worth of others, are not skills that can be learned. These things will only ever arise through the acceptance of our true and genuine identity – the core of who we are. In other words, learning to recognise the worth in ourselves and others is something that must be addressed continually over time.

The core beliefs that have formed your identity were put in place, piece by piece, over years and throughout the extent of your lifetime to date.

For example, if you were repeatedly told that you were ‘not good enough’ your whole life, when in fact you are extremely gifted in many areas, the relevance of this information is missing. Although there may be considerable evidence at times to suggest that you’re not particularly skilled in certain areas, however the facts about your genuine core competencies may have been ignorantly overlooked (by either yourself, or by others).

Therefore, the repetition of the message that you tell yourself over an extended period of time will hugely influence the core beliefs that you develop about yourself – and as a result of this, you will act or behave in accordance to who you believe that you are.

To summarise, by modifying the beliefs you have about yourself will allow you to consider all possible explanations for your behaviour and that of others.

When you see this, you will understand that people are NOT their behaviours, and also that ALL behaviour is a choice!

The Path to Ultimate Assertiveness

The way that you communicate can hugely impacts the way in which you get on with other people and get the things you want.

Good communication skills can help you avoid conflict and solve problems – they’re also important for making friends and having healthy relationships. There are three main styles of communicating – aggressive, passive and assertive.

The 3 Basic Styles of Communication
2 pages

Perceptions vary from person to person.

Different people perceive different things about the same situation. But more than that, we assign different meanings to what we perceive. And the meanings might change for a certain person. One might change one's perspective or simply make things mean something else.

The meaning of something will change when you look at it differently. You can look at anything differently and it will have a different meaning.

There is no fixed meaning to anything. You can always change perspectives and change meanings. Why not change them to what you prefer them to be?

How Your Perception Affects Everything

Being assertive can often feel like it’s easier said than done!

However, over time and with a whole lot of practice, it's possible for everyone to develop genuine confidence as well as increasing assertiveness.

The Foundation for Genuine Assertiveness

Use this Workbook to assess EXACTLY how assertive you are in various social situations.

WORKBOOK: Assessing Your Assertiveness
8 pages
Understanding Self
8 Lectures 01:37:10

Sharpen the Saw means preserving and enhancing the greatest asset you have - you!

It means having a balanced program for self-renewal in the four areas of your life: physical, social/emotional, mental, and spiritual.

Here are some examples of activities:

  • Physical: Beneficial eating, exercising, and resting
  • Social/Emotional: Making social and meaningful connections with others
  • Mental: Learning, reading, writing, and teaching
  • Spiritual: Spending time to build up and develop your understanding of yourself

As you renew yourself in each of the four areas, you create growth and change in your life. Sharpen the Saw keeps you fresh so you can continue to increase your capacity to produce and handle the challenges around you.

Without this renewal, the body becomes weak, the mind mechanical, the emotions raw, the spirit insensitive, and the person selfish. When we neglect ourselves in these ways, it can become easy to fall into the destructive habits of passiveness or aggression.

The Art of 'Sharpening Up'

If you ever struggled with perfection, procrastination and the fear that if people got to know you, they wouldn't like you ... then allow me to introduce you to the 'Good Enough' principle.

The 'Good Enough' Principle

Core Identity is the essence of who a person is.

This unique “Core Identity” can be identified or described by attributes that belong to and describe an individual.

Here I propose that the core of who we are does not change, but many characteristics, including both physical and mental attributes do change over time.

The 'Core' of Humanity

Core beliefs are the fundamental convictions we have about ourselves; they are the absolute truths we have developed about ourselves throughout the course of our entire lives, often since childhood.

Understanding Your Core Beliefs

Did you know that there are 2 cultural equations that all people live their lives by ALL of the time?

Some of the world's greatest architects might suggest that the greatest prisons are those that have been built of cast Iron, reinforcement and concrete.

However, I'm going to suggest that the most enslaving prison man can be kept in — is the prison of his own mind, the prison of his beliefs, the limitations of his thinking, and the nature of his own relative subjectivity.

The mind can be humanities own worst enemy with it's self defeating conversations with itself alongside its limited understanding of how we can most effectively pursue the things that we want most in life.

There was an ancient Greek Philosopher called Plato, who over 1500 years ago made an interesting statement in one of the things that we can often value the most in life …. our opinions!

You can become as successful in the eyes of society as you like, however if you commit to travelling down this road — don't expect to experience the depth of FREEDOM, PEACE and JOY that you TRULY hope for in life as societies rules won't give your life meaning, purpose, lasting happiness, or a real sense of personal success.

Now I'm no mathematician, but to close I wanted to offer you two different equations. One of which you'll already be living by, and only one of them will set you free to be truly successful:

a) What I do + How well I do what I do = Who I am, or:

b) Who I am + How I am who I am = What I do

One of these equations will keep you in the prison of 'not being good enough yet', and the other will allow you to live a full, vibrant, exciting and fulfilling life of purpose.

My friends, the choice is yours!

2 Common Cultural Equations

In this video we will explore the primary elements that make you ... you!

Living Life from the Inside Out

The voices in your head hold a negative attitude and use arguments to get their point across. As you become more aware of these differences, you may notice that these two voices can talk back and forth to one another.

Noticing when an “inner conversation” is taking place between the voice of your heart and the voices in your head gives you the freedom to choose which voice is speaking your truth.

I'm assuming that from reading and (hopefully) being able to relate to the above, you'll get the 'just' of what I'm about to share in this video lecture.

Behavioural Cycles & Vicious Circles

There is only one set of foundations that you can build your life upon which is strong enough to sustain you, and this is the truth of who you actually are.

All of us have a public self that others see as well as our own private thoughts and feelings, but we also have a deeper self which could be called the “core self.” Many people waste a lot of time and energy worrying about what others think or say about them. Some even try to control what others think or say about them, even though this is impossible to do and wastes a lot of energy!

Example of Nelson Mandela, who spent 26 years in prison for trying to bring freedom to his people. He was beaten and mistreated by his jailers, but instead of reacting in anger or with resentment, Nelson Mandela treated his jailers with respect and concern for their lives. Why? Because he understood his core value, his core self, and was fundamentally secure in who he was.

If Mandela was able to do it, we are also able to do it too.

A Deeper Understanding of Self
Emotional Awareness
6 Lectures 54:25

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathise with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict.

Emotional intelligence impacts many different aspects of your daily life, such as the way you behave and the way you interact with others. If you have high emotional intelligence you are able to recognize your own emotional state and the emotional states of others, and engage with people in a way that draws them to you.

You can use this understanding of emotions to relate better to other people, form healthier relationships, achieve greater success at work, and lead a more fulfilling life.

Building Up Emotional Awareness

Your self concept (or self image) is the sum total of all the knowledge and information that you currently have about yourself - it's the person you know you can be, could be, ought to be and want to be.

It includes things like your gender, name, personality, physical appearance, race, likes and dislikes, beliefs, values, social history, nationality, schooling, family, career, accomplishments, failures, skills and talents.

Your self-concept also includes who you think you might become and what you believe you were like in the past. It is an idea or image of yourself that comes from what you know about yourself and what you believe others think about you. Your Self Concept answers the all important question: Who am I?

Your self concept includes the information about yourself that only you know, such as your motives, your agenda's, your achievements and your failures. Your Self Concept incorporates your values and plays a fundamental role in determining how you really feel about something (in spite of what you do or say) and what your intentions are when doing or saying something.

No-one else could ever possibly know these things but you. Your self esteem is whether you believe that all these things add up to something good, bad, worthy or unworthy. It's how you rate what you know about yourself. It is sometimes called your self-evaluation and will always determine how it is that you feel about yourself and whether you believe that you are OK or not. Your Self Esteem answers the question: Am I good enough?

When you know that who you are is bigger than just the set of ideas you hold about yourself you begin to see that you can change these ideas. You can change ideas (and actions) that result in poor self esteem, to ideas (and actions) that strengthen self esteem. When you bring your actions, thoughts and emotions into alignment your self esteem grows still further.

Your current self image is just a collection of ideas and thoughts that you've had over the years that have led you to a conclusion about whether you are good enough or otherwise. How you rate these ideas (self esteem) is entirely up to you.

In this video, you'll learn the difference between self esteem and self concept and also, how in turn you can use this information to make progress in your life, for the rest of your life.

In this lecture I will illustrate how our Self Worth, our Self Esteem and our Self Concept are all completely interlinked.

Self Worth - V's - Self Concept - V's - Self Worth

Facing Crisis is a constant in life. Life isn't easy and there are no guarantees that everything you do will work out the way that you hope it will.

You can have the most positive of attitudes, a work hard ethic and also be committed to doing all things to the best of your ability, however life will always throw you a curve ball at some point. This curve ball could be an unexpected health issue, the death of a loved one, legal complications or the irresponsible actions of someone beyond your control.

I hope that you are never in this type of situation, but if you haven't done so already, the time will come when you stand face to face with Crisis!

So how do you respond?

Here are five options that I believe you can choose from:

1. You can give up

Maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something. Maybe you aren't resilient enough to cope with the challenges that life throws at you, so you choose to give up and pursue a safer, less magnificent life instead.

2. You can become a victim

It wasn't your fault that your dream didn't come to fruition, so you have a seemingly legitimate excuse to blame your circumstances, complain to anyone listening and become a victim.

3. You can press on

When things go wrong, you don't have to give up. You can keep going, although sometimes, when you've hit rock bottom, to just keep digging isn't necessarily the most helpful option.

4. You can use the experience to learn valuable lessons

We don't always learn much from our victories, but inevitably, there are lessons that we can learn from our failures. We can identify new strategies for successful living, we can learn more about our character and we can develop new perspectives that will help us in the future.

5. You can become an inspiration to others

I love reading the accounts of those who have hit rock bottom, yet managed to turn around their situation to become massive success stories and inspirations. People like J.K. Rowling, Colonel Sanders, Oprah Winfrey, Nelson Mandela and wheelchair athlete Kurt Fearnley at some stage hit rock bottom and had every excuse to give up on their dreams or become victims.

But instead, they chose to create a story for their lives that inspires others and helps us to understand that we aren't defined by our circumstances, but the way in which we respond to our circumstances. Wouldn't it be awesome if one day, others were inspired by your recovery from a potentially disastrous Crisis!

So when you hit rock bottom, which option will you choose?

And remember, whatever situation you nay find yourself in - you always have a choice about which way you respond! Assertively - Passively - or Aggressively!

Understanding Emotional Crisis

Emotional mastery is the key to living a life that you are 100% in control of.

The capacity to have absolute direct power over what you feel in every single moment (despite what's happening around you) is one of the most important skill sets you can have.

Whatever you feel, you're not feeling it because you have to feel it. You're feeling it because you've chosen to focus on something that you don't want (or don't value). In order to master your emotions and consciously choose the emotions you want to live in, you need to understand the order of your emotions, how they work and also how to read them!

Emotion is created by motion.Where your focus goes, your energy will flow. And where energy flows, whatever you're focusing on grows. In other words, your life is controlled by what you focus on. That's why you need to focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear. When you next find yourself in a state of uncertainty, resist your fear.

Shift your focus toward where you want to go and your actions will take you in that direction.

By becoming competent at understanding and mastering your emotions, you can choose to spend more time in positive and resourceful emotional conditions.

From these conditions, you'll become better at making more empowered decisions that will help you reach your greatest potential and become far more assertive throughout every area in your life.

Building Up Emotional Intelligence

The following Steve Job's quote give's us a perfect summary of what I'll be discussing in this video:

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs

I know you'll catch my drift with this one!

Solid Foundations for Absolute Assertiveness

Everyone moves either towards what they want or away from what they don't want.

For example, you might say you value wealth – it may be that you do truly value wealth and move towards it or alternatively you might be running away from your fear of poverty. Or perhaps you might say you value love – again you might really move towards love and are motivated by that concept or you may in fact be running away from a fear of loneliness or abandonment.

Whether you move towards or away depends on your values. Values are what are important to us (not necessarily what we like). They create motivation for our actions and then help us judge what we have done. They determine ALL our behaviour and what we do with our time – they are things that we obtain and use resources to achieve. Values are simply what we move away from or towards.

I'll be coming back to values in more detail in a later lecture.

The 'Towards' & 'Away From' Perspectives
Core Human Values
10 Lectures 01:22:11
  • What is most important to you?
  • What is not so important?
  • What are your priorities?
  • What really ticks you off?
  • What is worth defending and protecting?
  • How do you choose among conflicting goals?

Answering these questions begins to identify your values—enduring beliefs of what is most important to you.

Checking the list against the decisions you make and the actions you take reveals much about what you truly hold to be important. Our values establish what goals are more important and what goals are less important to us.

Values transcend specific actions and situations and provide us stability and guidance as we encounter obstacles, distractions, opportunities, ambiguity, ambivalence, conflict, and temptations throughout our lives.

What are your values?

Understanding Human Values

"This above all: to thine own self be true." - William Shakespeare

Authenticity is being your true self by being genuine and honest with yourself, owning your vulnerabilities and accepting the limitations of your humanness. Being authentic is living life to the ‘beat of your own drum’ and in alignment with your core values and purpose.

The Need for Authenticity

"This above all: to thine own self be true." - William Shakespeare

Authenticity is being your true self by being genuine and honest with yourself, owning your vulnerabilities and accepting the limitations of your humanness. Being authentic is living life to the ‘beat of your own drum’ and in alignment with your core values and purpose.

50 Steps to Transform Your Authenticity
5 pages

Here I tell the story about 'Margaret's Bird', which tells about a bird who chose to value the security of his cage over freedom in the context of his very own life.

Although security is most people's first choice in life, it may not be the option that provides us with the outcomes we truly want!

A common problem that many of us face in life and our relationships, is our innate desire to please other people in order to be accepted by them. The reason why this is a problem, is that if our need to be accepted by others comes at the cost of our freedom to simply be ourselves in our relationships, the only person we end up making truly miserable and lonely is ourselves.

The need to feel significant, of value to others and secure within ourselves are three universal motives that drive and often govern us all in some way.

Security in a relationship lies neither in looking back to what it was, nor in forward to what it might be, but living in the present and accepting it as it is right now in the present.

That famous quote by Benjamin Franklin that "Those who would give up freedom, to purchase a piece of temporary Safety, deserve neither Freedom nor Safety"

The reason why so many of value security in our relationships opposed to 100% honesty and authenticity is that the truth can often hurt, either ourselves or others. And when we begin on the journey of becoming clear of our own person standards and start communicating them to those we find ourselves in relationship with, we can leave ourselves wide open and exposed to the potential rejection of others.

Keeping the peace and not being totally honest about our standards in relationships can be easy, and this will often provide us with a false sense of security.

However, if you value the idea of Freedom in your relationships beyond the comforts of security, this will demand from us change - and change always brings about uncertainty.

Why do we fear change in our relationships?

Because we'd often rather live with security that the uncertainty that accompanies the freedom of personal authenticity.

Procrastination & Other Internal Conflicts

“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” - Doris Mortman

In this video we will discuss more of our most prominent values and begin to explore how they are all inherently linked.

The Human Quest For Significance

Once you have become clearer on what your core values are, every single decision that you make in your life becomes easier!

The Human Pursuit of Progress

Feeling connected to a group of people or identifying with them, based on shared values, goals, or experiences, activates an innate sense of community.

The human brain developed to its present form when we needed to live in tightly-knit communities to survive. The importance of community is seen in the high degree of communal contagion of emotions, which is a powerful, albeit unconscious force underlying social structure.

The Human Need to Connect

See why establishing sound core values are the foundation of a truly assertive life:

1. Gain Real Clarity about who you are and what you stand for. To get what you truly want, you must be who you truly are.

2. Better Use of Time. You make better choices about where you spend your time—your most valuable asset. There's no way to get any more of it. To live an ideal life, you must learn to choose carefully as to how you invest your time. Your core values should be your guide.

3. Core Values Means More Income. Being true to your core values affects your bottom line. It's a lot easier to earn money when you're doing what you love in accordance with your core values.

4. Purpose and Passion. Knowing and being true to what really matters to you means having more passion in your purpose and more purpose in your passion. The congruity makes it happen.

5. Inspiration. Understanding and living from your core values opens the door to more inspiration in your life. And we can all use more of that.

6. Motivation. Living in accordance with our core values keeps you motivated. It's motivation from within rather than motivation plastered on from the outside.

7. Overcoming Discouragement. We all experience challenges and we all get discouraged from time to time. But when we know what our most important values are and are dedicated to making them live and breathe in our life, we become more resilient.

8. Stay On Track. Our values are like our moral compass. They keep us headed toward our true north. And when we get off course, we notice sooner. They help us get back on track more easily.

9. Easier Choice of Goals. Choosing which goals we set and go after is easier when we're clear on our most important values. We can do anything we want, but we can't do everything. It's incumbent upon us to choose wisely. And that's easier when our values are front and center all the time.

10. Better Decisions. Being clear on our core values makes every decision we make easier. Weighing the pros and cons of any decision is simply less painful and less complicated.

In short, discovering, defining and living our core values allows us to get more of the right things done and enjoy the journey more.

Why it's Good To Give!


Before you answer this question, you need to know what values are. Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live & work.

They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to. When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you're satisfied and content.

But when these don't align with your values, that's when things feel... wrong. This can be a real source of unhappiness. This is why making a conscious effort to identify your values is so important.

Introducing The Course Workbook


Before you answer this question, you need to know what values are. Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live & work.

They (should) determine your priorities, and, deep down, they're probably the measures you use to tell if your life is turning out the way you want it to. When the things that you do and the way you behave match your values, life is usually good – you're satisfied and content.

But when these don't align with your values, that's when things feel... wrong. This can be a real source of unhappiness. This is why making a conscious effort to identify your values is so important.

WORKBOOK: What Are Your Core Values?
10 pages
Closing Thoughts and Summary
2 Lectures 08:17

No geed course would ever be complete without a list of recommended reads!

Please also see the links to external resources:

1) I have included links to the full History Channel documentary: The Art of War by Sun Tzu.

2) Jamie Smart discussing the principles of Clarity.

3) Dr Steve Peters discussing the thoughts behind his bestselling book: The Chimp Paradox

Recommended Reading List

This video brings the course to a close (for now) and I can only thank you once again for enrolling in the first place, and also for placing your trust in me as your coach.

Moving forward, I will continue to develop the course by adding new resources and study materials (and please feel free to get in touch with me directly if there are topics that you'd like me to produce future videos on).

For now though, if you'd be happy to take a few minutes to rate and review the course - I'd hugely appreciate it - this will allow other potential 'students of truth' to make a well informed decision as to whether this is the kind of course that might benefit and help them.

But other that this, God bless, all the best and I'll look forward to hopefully seeing you again in one of my other course ;-)

Kain Ramsay

Summary & Closing Thoughts
About the Instructor
Kain Ramsay
4.5 Average rating
5,867 Reviews
53,292 Students
38 Courses
Innovator of Thought in NLP, CBT & Modern Applied Psychology

Over the last decade, Kain has influenced over 47,000 people towards making huge life changes in their character, communications, leadership and general wellbeing.

Having worked his pragmatic brand of personal transformation with top business achievers, sports people, musicians, entrepreneurs and ex-military personnel, Kain directs his teaching towards living a lifestyle of greater clarity, intentionality, integrity and purpose.

Kain takes an unconventional approach towards demonstrating how making small modifications in a persons thinking, can yield massive results in their day-to-day lives. He is one of the UK’s most trusted self improvement Instructors with over 35,000 students enrolled in one or more his unique range of personal growth courses.

Beginning his career in the military, Kain spent 9 years in the British Army and served on Operational Tours in Saudi Arabia, Kenya, Kuwait and Gulf War II prior to ending his service in 2004. Post Military, he also developed successful careers in finance, strategic marketing and business to business communications.

Having over a decade studying and practicing Psychology, Mindfulness, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, CBT, Therapeutic Counselling and Theology, today, Kain serves as a leader of thought in the advancement of applied modern psychology.

A successful entrepreneur and philanthropist, Kain serves as Chairman of Solid Grounds, a Scottish veterans charity, whose purpose is to serve and mentor Ex-Military personnel through the (often problematic) transition from military to civilian life.

Kain's ongoing commitment to creating life-changing self improvement resources, is surpassed only by his passion for family as a dedicated husband to his wife, Karen.