"Good job Joel.Would have given it 4.5 stars if possible. Joel knows what he is doing. He hits you hard where it hurts but the result is a better skill set and ways of dealing with anger. He cares about his students and understands their psychological needs. I felt like I was taking a well-rounded course." -Student
This is a short but in depth course to enable you to understand what you anger (and other strong emotions) are 'fighting' for.
I draw on 12 years of counselling practice and training to give you a very practical, and well rounded approach to your anger that you will find refreshingly easy to apply to your life.
Intimate interviews give you glances into peoples lives and create a platform for each lesson.
The language and pace of the course makes it accessible and useful for anyone looking to have a more peaceful relationship with themselves or another.
The course integrates principles from various credible schools of thought. (CBT, NVC, Narrative Therapies, Living Wisdom) so you are a practitioner looking to expand your knowledge of anger you will also find this useful.
For some anger has been a costly emotion in their lives. Costing them relationship with children, spouse, or employees. Others have learned to channel their strong emotions into progress, fuelling change and progress. By the end of this course we will all move towards the second, having new awareness and skills to use all of life's experiences to move us forward. This course integrates my CBT, Living Wisdom, NVC, and Narrative perspectives from my training and counselling experience gathered over the last 15 years.
You will find this course 'winds up'. It starts slower to ensure everybody is on board, then picks up pace and intensity with more and more insights as it goes on. This is about laying a foundation, then building on it.
If you find the early content a bit slow, just click on the speed up button in the top left watch them a little quicker!
Towards the end you will want to do the opposite. Hit the pause button to stop and take notes, or do the self reflection activities.
A quick lecture to help you find your way around Udemy.
This is an invitation to bring your whole self to the course.
It's an invitation to be gentle on yourself.
It's only from this gracious position of self acceptance that it is safe to begin personal development!
Let's get clear about what we are talking about and not talking about.
Anger is a feeling. Feelings are not right or wrong - they just are. It's what we do from here that counts.
This lecture also contains a simple map to show how I'm going to be talking about anger, feelings, needs, and strategies.
Strategy (Shout, negotiate, think differently etc)
Feeling (Angry, Dissapointment, Sadness)
Need (Power in my world, Progress, Order)
'Needs' sit at the core of our human-ness, but they are our needs and are not to be confused with demands or strategies.
Feelings result from our needs being met or not met (perceived or real) and are not to be mixed up with our thoughts and judgements. Feelings are body centric and different from foux feelings like 'unheard' 'misjudged' etc wich are actually assessments/thoughts/judgements of a situation.
Getting these definitions right creates space for us to more creatively look at our strategies for meeting our needs which will result in us feeling better and needing anger less.
Misunderstood and unharnessed anger will cost you energy, friends, family, and your freedom. Don't underestimate this cost. Please don't beat yourself up about it, but don't pretend it's not costly either.
This lecture has a quick look at the costs of negative anger just to position us well to continue understanding our anger.
Examine your own anger and it's effect in your life and start to count the cost. This will motivate you to change. Change is difficult so we need all the help we can get.
An interview talking about how and why relationships are damaged by misused anger.
An invitation to self discovery.
It's time to get personal and take the time to see what's really going on in your life with anger.
Get a pen and paper ready. YES, pen and paper...not just somewhere to type. It's better for your brain! :-) (http://mentalfloss.com/article/33508/4-benefits-writing-hand)
Note: Click to the right side of the screen to access downloads, discussions, and make online notes.
What are your triggers?
What do you do when triggered?
This lecture highlights the first function of anger: to serve as a warning light.
There are several things that anger may be warning you about, but whatever they are - they are to be taken seriously!
Healthy thinking lubricates our lives and helps absorb the bits and pieces of life that 'shouldn't' be there. Do you have the healthy thinking that helps with this or is it running low?!
David shares his story of being abused, his angry response, and what he used that energy to do.
Anger can and should motivate us to change. Sometimes this change is in society and sometimes in ourselves. It's not the anger that's the problem, it's what we do with it that counts.
Next time you are triggered, and feel angry, stop yourself and think, "what can I do with this energy?".
Your turn. Take a moment to decide what you are going to use your angry energy for.
An on site story about surprise pain and it's affect on me! You will learn about how our body reacts to pain, and just as importantly you will learn how powerful our mind is at reinterpreting this data.
You will learn about the importance of how we interpret situations.
Our mind is very powerful. It can create it's own reality - but if this is different from actual reality - there will be pain!
This lecture explains how our mind works through the lens of cognitive behavioral therapy. (C.B.T.)
I can be fairly certain that if we are living in constant emotional pain, it's because of a faulty belief. Begin to pay more attention to what you are thinking.
"What am I telling myself?"
"Is it the truth?"
Another touching interview that illustrates how anger can mask deeper feelings.
Often this is just a learned response from watching our parents, friends, or family deal with emotions. Perhaps we learn that anger is ok to show, but not sad.
What would you feel if you were not feeling angry?
Our deepest emotional layer is our needs so it makes sense to see what's going on with those!
First though listen up to hear what it is that I mean by needs as it's not quite as simple as it seems.
Check out my resources on this topic on my website or to your right...
We have all been told to 'do' something different. Perhaps to breath, to count to 10, to be patient etc etc, so what I want to talk about is the other strategies for meeting your needs - thinking differently.
The beauty of thinking differently is that we have complete control over that arena. The negative is that often we have no idea what's going on in there because we don't spend enough time listening to ourselves.
Take the time to watch this example and try to explore your own feelings, thoughts and needs with this model.
Use the pause button if it runs too quickly!
(*Hit Pause on this lecture at the end if you want to look at it - so it doesn't change on you!)
High expectations are a major cause of anger. Expectations of yourself, of other, of the world around you.
Expectations are different from ideals. High ideals are great, but high expectations just leaves us disappointed over and over.
Resilient minds can adjust expectations on the fly.
Flexible expectations act like a car's suspension adapting to variations in the road of life - cheesy but true!
Ridged minds buckle and break!To keep your mind supple practice these two things:
An interview summerising how breathing, thinking, then responding has helped with anger in relationships.
So you have had a look at your thinking and how it may be misleading you. Now you need learn how push back on your thoughts.
Get a pen and paper and make yourself a list of truths to combat some of your old default stinking thinking.
For the big ones - the bigger scary feelings in your life - you will need to have this truths at your finger tips so you can get to them before you get to your anger!
What I am teaching here is what I do with people in counselling. For some things you will be able to do this yourself, but some some things you will need a professional to lend a hand.
Instead of battling in your mind, there is also a time to step back and be less engaged with your mind.
Make yourself a list of situations that you find cause you to be angry.
Mark beside each thing your new strategy. C for change your thinking, L for let it go.
To actually become free of our old habits - the big ones at least - we need redefining experiences. Instead of just becoming a little more sophisticated in dealing with issues, try doing the opposite - run straight into the stuff you are scared of! Equip yourself first with some truths, and practice and letting feelings go and pass on by.
A short interview with a philosophical guru outlining some of the possible outcomes of suppressed anger, and some positive uses of anger on your communication.
This lecture is an encouragement to assert yourself earlier rather than blow up later.
What is it that you wait so long before speaking up? What lie or scary feeling is blocking you sharing your opinion or frustration early in the peace?
You may find it useful to take those questions and journal on them as explained in the previous lecture with the ice burg.
This lecture also invites us to take greater ownership of our lives.
This is a comprehensive step by step exercise to help you with your anger.
Turn your attitude upside down by practicing daily gratitude.
This is my first 'real' udemy course, and it's been scary, fun, exciting, and quite vulnerable feeling to create this. I'd love your honest feedback about how you have found this. My plan is to continue fine tuning it, and if you have got in early with an introductory coupon then your feedback (both to me and into the udemy feedback system) is going to be key in my shaping this course and therefor how successful it is.
Feel free to message me or email me if you feel the feedback needs to be directly to me and not in the udemy feedback system. email@example.com works.
It would warm my heart, and meet my need to contribute, to hear stories of how you have applied what you have learnt here - or somewhere else - that has helped you with anger!
P.S. I now have a course on Practical Empathy that compliments this well!
What's blame got to do with anger? Sometimes a lot - and it stops us actually protecting our boundaries.
Hi, I’m Joel. I injured my back two years ago while surfing, and haven’t been able to work the same since. I wondered if anyone else out there ever needed greater flexibility like me. I thought, if I could take the lesons I’ve learned through counselling over the years and get them into the hands of busy people when they want, where they want, would it be useful?
The answer = Udemy.
I remembered this platform and got to work creating online workshops for Udemy when my body let me. And now that they’re done, you can access my online courses whenever and wherever you want, for as long as you want.
Drawing on over 2000 hrs of face to face counselling I have put together some practical and in depth workshops and made them available to the public on Udemy.
NEW skills. NEW techniques. NEW insight. If you don’t learn something new and relevant, get your money back. That’s my UDEMY promise.
Give it a go!
LinkedIn Recommendations:"Joel is an excellent presenter who knows his subject well. He conveyed some difficult topics in a comfortable manner and is very approachable. His passion for the course taught and thought/planning put into it was always evident. Highly recommended! "
"Joel is a passionate and committed individual. He is an entrepreneur, who is committed to seeing not only his own visions, but the visions of others realized in full. He is a man of integrity and insight and I would be delighted to work with him on any project, anywhere in the world."
Qualifications:Bachelor's Degree in Counselling,
2200+hrs face to face counselling experience
1000+hrs of group facilitation, & leadership development